𝘒𝘼𝙎𝙋𝙀𝙍 @chickinnit - Tumblr Blog

I dont understand. It feels like I am the only one struggling while he gets to live happy and not care about things at all. It feels like I am the only one who ever cared and put effort into the rls. Why can't he feel the amount of sadness and despair I feel? Did he really not care? Am I so easy to replace and get rid of?? Does he genuinely want me gone?? I know I am the one that ended things, I never wanted to do it. He seemed like he wanted it all along. He probably fell in love with someone else and wanted to be with them instead of me. Im so fucking ugly im a fufking disappointment. How did i ever think a man so beautiful like him would be with a worthless pathetic loser like me. I really miss him. I would do anything to call him my boy again. Maybe if I was pretty enough, maybe if I was better, maybe if I wasn't so clingy.maybe then he'd love me too. I love you

I used to wake up full of excitement to talk to the boy I love most. Now I dont even have that, and it stings my heart. I really do miss him.

#vent ish #idk how to tag this

Im so fucking sick of wearing a ton of makeup everyday just for some blue eyed blondie to mog the shit out of me with NO makeup.

#vent? ish?#born to die

i’ve always been an intelligent child

growing up, i would hyper analyse people’s facial expressions, body language, and choice of words

being an overly observant kid shaped me into the socially anxious boy i am today

I saw this on tiktok and can't help to relate to it insanely well.

Credits: @x82917467 (on tiktok)

This may sound so self-centered, and it probably is.. But i absolutely hate when my friends do something I like better than me. I also completely despise it when I, for example, am really fond of nature, animals...esp wolves and cats, and someone also is to an extent. I always want to be better than everyone else , and I've stopped interacting with my friends as much because it makes me feel like shit. I hate that everything they do is better than what i do. I hate that they look better in outfits I want to wear. I want to be just like them but better,, Is this valid shivers,,,, its not valid at all and I know that, its so self centered, and absolutely horrible to see your friends as competition. But I just can't help it. I love and hate them at the same time. Stop being like me

#vent? ish?#mini rant #relatable #i think #i should study #therian #alterhuman #cats #wolves #animals #dsmp fandom #alien stage #ao3 #wilbur soot

I barely studied for my exams,to be fair. I've done ONE THING max while everyone around me has done like so many subjects already. It doesn't help that I have 3 hours of math tomorrow...2 hours at school and 1 with my tutor . i should probably use those 2 hours at school to ask my teacher questions... but how do i do that when I haven't even opened my books. Iam 100% to blame but I really dont want to repeat the year

#school #alien stage #ao3 #thoughts #cute #stress #depressing shit #wilbur soot

『Note♡: I haven't used this app in a while, but I plan to start using it again!! My mental health has been taking a huge toll on me lately. It's honestly just my 3 closest best friends who keep me going every day. I wish I could just give all of them a big kiss on the forehead and express my utmost respect and love towards them. I should probably just continue writing on my diary, but I genuinely can not bring myself to do it. All of the pages on my diary are just paragraphs and paragraphs of me expressing my pathetic love for my ex. He's honestly the prettiest boy I've ever seen, and im really sad and disappointed that I can't remind him of that every day again, like I used to. I love and yearn for him so incredibly much. im always on the verge of sobbing during class, and I always joke around it. So my friends dont start questioning it.He's so beautiful. He's so sweet. Everything about it him is incredible and gorgeous. His art skills snd the way he giggles when we are on call. He is truly the love of my life, even tho it's super one-sided. I wish I could talk to someone about it, but for now, it'll just be me and this shitty post that no one cares a fuck about. I've tried contacting him again, but so far, I've been ignoring it. I dont know if he saw or responded to my pathetic texts. I am too afraid to check.

he has a completely different tiktok account now. Apparently, he blocked me on it. I only know this since my 'friend' luca found it after snooping around my account. Turns out he used one of the accounts we originally used for trolling E. It really hurt my feelings. But to respect him, I won't go on another account just to stalk and see what he is up to. I have always made it clear to him that I'll always respect his boundaries. Apparently, according to luca, he reposted something about poly relationships and that's its not valid to be lgbtq and hate on poly which he added a note to "targeted" i know this because of uca which angered me at first. Since it truly breaks my heart. I assume it's about me, and I really dont hate poly relationships. I just feel uncomfortable about them due to personal reasons. I dont want him to hate me, I hope he misses and loves me as much as I miss him.

#heartbreak #new post #wilbur soot #internet archive #random #deep thoughts #relatable #relationship #alien stage #dsmp #ao3 #dsmp au #dsmp dream #dsmp fandom #school #depressing shit

『Note♡: Something about just taking a walk at night is so extremely soothing. I dont know if it's just because I need to touch more grass. Or because i simply enjoy it. I love staring at the moon and comparing the difference between the beautiful moonlight and the yellow light the lamp posts make. The way all my worries seem to fade and the sound of my breathing when im tired.

(Some pictures I took ♡)