[xenonsreturn]

[morthilswrites]

cop: can you describe the woman who stabbed you

male author: lithe, spirited, outgoing, and not afraid to speak her mind. she was a raw sexual force and she knew it. she was dandelion fluff on a summer day, gone in an instant, leaving you with nothing but the memory of her touch and the faint taste of strawberries on your lips

[lillivati]

cop: great we have a motive, but we still need a description

[isitsafe]

[pinene]

Love the bot summoning incantation

[sluttyquarantinetheory]

The most horrifying thing about being a human is that no matter how intelligent you are or how much customer service training you have, nothing will stop you from being the idiot customer on occasion. At some point you won't read a sign or you'll misread a menu or ask the dumbest question a human has ever formed and there is nothing you can do to prevent this. It will happen. Accept it and continue on your way as one of today's dipshit customers.

[feldfrog]

Imagine your bike has been at the Wright Brother’s repair shop for weeks and you see Orville suddenly whiz over your head in a contraption

[bethanydelleman]

I just learned yesterday that watermelons could explode when overripe and then today one exploded in my kitchen. So I guess I'll never learn anything new ever again just to be safe.

[yunnaan]

Pls let me share this beautiful tag with the masses milord

[notaplaceofhonour]

coyote running off a cliff type shit

[love-notes-to-survivors]

I promise you haven't fucked up as badly as you think you have.

[crazycatsiren]

A wise mentor once said to me while I was student teaching: "Did you actually fuck it up, or did it just not go how you expected it to go?"

Life changing words.

[memeuplift]

[fagcrisis]

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

[maryoliveoil]

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

[kaijuno]

[evilwizard]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

This is a lot to unpack

[theterribletenno]

I'm not going to fuck my computer

[soulren]

“Ghosts are real” I can see how you could believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real” it’s very fair and rational that you believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real anymore” I’m about to hear a poem or very sad story

“Ghosts aren’t real yet” the fuck are you going to do

[r3ked]

[godblessthesickos]

World historical loser

[drwiltz-official]

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

hey, I was just at "things got better" island and everyone there is talking about how excited they are to meet you

[switchblade-dragon]

Hey yeah so this post literally kept me alive for like 6 months. Thank you. And OP is so right. Everyone on this island became my best friends. And guess what? Now they can't wait to meet *you* and they talk about you every single day.

[dogpuppy]

[wizardarchetypes]

was at the corner store getting a few snacks and a 7 year old with a single packet of two poptarts struck up a conversation with me while I was choosing between Chex mix flavors. weighed in on the flavors. They continued to follow me through the store all the way to checkout and stood there talking to me at the register so the cashier thought they were my kid and I finally said “are you possibly hoping for someone to buy those poptarts” and they pulled out a WAD of cash and said “nope just talking to ya.”

absolutely enchanting child no notes

[wizardarchetypes]

energy of an 85 year old who got freaky friday’d tbh