Ramblings of a Comedian

I'm Caleb, 22 year old Floridian stand-up comedian. I type like I talk, which means a lot of apostrophes an' shortened words.I suppose if there's somethin' you wanna know, just shoot me an ask and I'll tell ya. I don't really tag things, but if there's somehting you want me to tag, just let me know and I will.

[childcomedian]

I left tumblr because at least on FB I’ve got other comedians who pity like my stupid drunk posts ijs

[childcomedian]

Whiskey dick is about 100x worse when it's just porn you were stoked for and now you're disappointed not only for your dick's failure but also because you have to actually watch what you clicked on.

[childcomedian]

It's stop drinking or stop being slightly funny and I'm still holding hope on this comedy thing panning out and that's why alcoholism is ok

[lonequixote]

[childcomedian]

@fullytenaciousgentleman To be able to rub a boobs a dream costs nothing understand unless alive true Wat

[childcomedian]

Me: I'm just gonna drink in moderation tonight, gonna exhibit some self discipline

Hiccups: bitch u thought

[weavemama]

I’M SCREAMING AT HIS REPLY

[goddessofidiocy-deactivated2019]

what will future historians do with this 

[911official-deactivated20200526]

this is The Human Experience

[name1738]

This is our legacy

[gentlemanhoneyfarmer]

[tastefullyoffensive]

[gasdgsdgsdg]

he sleeve too big for he gotdamn arms!

[ruinedchildhood]

[sistertaxon]

mama

[sistertaxon]

just killed a man

[sistertaxon]

put a gun against his head

[sistertaxon]

pulled my trigger now he’s dead

[sistertaxon]

and mama

[sistertaxon]

life had just begun

[sistertaxon]

but now i’ve gone and thrown it all away

[sistertaxon]

AND MAMA

[sistertaxon]

[childcomedian]

It's nice to see you back x

Preesh, 'nonny. Dunno how long it'll last but I'm back for at least the week.

[mariahcareys]

when you’ve been swimming and water is in your ear

[childcomedian]

Someone cool fill me in on why we hate Pepsi now

[the-stinky-squid]

But we always hated pepsi. Its a bland, knock off coke, ya dummy.

[childcomedian]

I’m broke as shit I’ve been drinking store brand coke forever so like??

[the-stinky-squid]

Thats still better then pepsi tho

[childcomedian]

I like mountain dew so I can’t shit on the Pepsi corporation too much or they might fite me

[the-stinky-squid]

hehehe “doodoo” heehehe, heh, hehe

[childcomedian]

I missed you so much pls come to America to come to my shows

[childcomedian]

Someone cool fill me in on why we hate Pepsi now

[the-stinky-squid]

But we always hated pepsi. Its a bland, knock off coke, ya dummy.

[childcomedian]

I’m broke as shit I’ve been drinking store brand coke forever so like??

[the-stinky-squid]

Thats still better then pepsi tho

[childcomedian]

I like mountain dew so I can't shit on the Pepsi corporation too much or they might fite me

[childcomedian]

There was a frog trapped in my house earlier who peed on every surface he landed on which I assume was connected to it's being terrified at being lower middle class for 10 minutes.