I am not here to tell you how to raise your children however, I will tell you which way is probably best. There are 4 types of parenting styles according to psychology which include authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. Some of these can actually lead to your child becoming a bully or a victim to bullying within their school.Â
Authoritarian parenting - This is the type of parenting that is most common with children growing up to be bullies. But how? With an authoritarian style parenting, the parents enforce the rules very heavily on their children and shows little to no nurturance. However, when their child goes to school, they begin to feel more superior to their peers, therefore begin to take their aggression out on them which leads to harassment and possibly physical violence.
Authoritative parenting - So what about parents who are highly attentive to their children but also have very high demands for them? This doesn't necessarily “lead” to a child becoming a bully however, it may make a child more prone to being bullied. Authoritative parenting styles are ones who responsive to their child’s emotional needs but also have high demands, meaning they enforce their rules pretty heavily. With this, children learn in a more vulnerable manner which makes them more susceptible to bullying.
Permissive parenting - With this style parenting, parents tend to be very loving towards their children but enforce little to no rules in their household, which basically just means that the parents want to be their child's best friend. When no rules are enforced on a child at home, they begin to get aggressive and hostile towards their parents, peers, and teachers. These are the kind of children that don't know the difference between right and wrong simply because their parents never taught them to treat others with respect.
Uninvolved parenting - Uninvolved parents are the parents who make little to no demands for their children and most of the time completely neglectful. The children of these parents are deprived of the love and nurture that they need which then leads to low self-esteem. Once a child feels less confident with themselves, it makes them more susceptible to being victims of bullying. They are seen as easy targets to bullying in their schools.Â
Like I said before, I am not here to tell you how to raise your children, I am here to show you what your parenting style might be doing to your kids when they go to school everyday.
To the authoritarian parents:Â
If you are enforcing your rules heavily at home and have very high expectations for a 6 year old child as they walk into school for the very first time you’re doing something wrong. You cannot expect a 6 year old or even a 16 year old to do absolutely everything right and if you are the type of parent that will drill rules into their child’s brain, you are raising your children to become more aggressive and feel superior to many kids their age. There is a such thing as being “too harsh” to your children.
I believe that when children are raised in an authoritarian household, they are more likely to become bullies in their schools. This is simply because children who have the rules drilled into their heads at home go to school and finally feel like they’re in a more superior position compared to their peers. With this feeling, they start to make their peers feel inferior, just as their parents do to them at home. They feel as if they are more in power since their parents aren't there to supervise.
When it comes to permissive parenting, your children may struggle with decision making and problem solving. When your children come across a problem, they’re not too sure how to handle their emotions so, just like children of authoritarian parents, they tend to let their aggression get the best of them. Not only do the children get aggressive, once they go into adolescence, they are more likely to become more prone to substance use and other delinquent behaviors simply because they don't have rules to apply to their everyday lives.Â
When a child or adolescent is given no boundaries, they begin to create their own set of rules and boundaries. This is what leads to aggressive and delinquent behaviors, which turn into a superiority complex within the child, just like with authoritarian children.
Enforcing rules in your household is not the issue here. It is how you enforce them, if you enforce them at all. And although you might say it is the teacher’s job to watch your child at school and make sure they aren't acting up or being mean to other kids, it is partially true, but teachers aren't always going keep their eyes on just your child, they have more than just your child to keep their eye on throughout their day.
Speaking as someone who has experienced bullying, one of the most irritating things to hear from parents is the phrase “kids will be kids.” Yes, kid will be kids in certain circumstances, but when they start picking on kids their age, that’s where kids stop being just “kids” and become bullies. If you say “kids will be kids,” that’s just implying that children should be raised to bully and torment each other.
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