Paper Cranes | kth | (m)
Summary: They say if you fold a thousand paper cranes, the gods grant you one wish. The day you gave Kim Taehyung his first paper crane was the day you bound your fates together.
♦ Pairing: Taehyung x female reader
♦ Rating: NSFW & 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging with this content. Any minors discovered interacting with adult content will be blocked immediately.
♦ Type: One shot
♦ Word Count: 20,712
♦ Genre: established relationship, angst, idol!au
♦ Warnings: Angst; anxiety, self-depreciating thoughts, relationship struggles, mild description of anxiety attack (in the form of crying), mild jealousy, growing pains in a relationship, explicit sexual content, oral (f. and m. receiving, and in 69 LOL) nipple play, dirty talk, unprotected sex (pls don't do this guys), spitting, face sitting, sub-space like headspace post orgasm, crying, did I mention angst, ANGST, poor communication (they're young at parts ok), mentions of a toxic relationship between reeder and Taehyung's work (we stan hybe in real life ok), biting. I think I got it all but PLEASE tell me if I miss something.
♦ Main Masterlist: here
A/N: This is an absolute labor of love. I wanted to post this when I got back from PTD LV, but the trip was very long and exhausting and I work a full-time job in sports so I'm kind of tapped out of energy. I edited this to the best of my ability, but I'm still adjusting to writing a y/n format instead of an original character. I am posting this way later than I meant to, but here she is, inspired by the Olivia Rodrigo Dilemma TM (not really, still love her ok) and fueled by brain rot from seeing this man live in Vegas on D3.
©2022 haliiimede. all rights reserved. Reposting and/or translating is not allowed, even if you credit the story.
The first time you folded Kim Taehyung a paper crane was at ten years old. Standing in the classroom during free time, you watched the quiet boy sit in the corner of the reading nook, wide eyes watery as he nibbled his lip, a second away from crying. You knew it was because Jihoon made fun of Taehyung’s dialect again. It was distinctly different from everyone else’s- farm boy they called him.
So you wandered to your desk, carefully taking out coveted construction paper, setting to the task of folding him a paper crane. You remembered your mother handing you one when you were stick, telling you that if you folded one-thousand paper cranes, you would have a single wish.
In that moment, watching the new boy in your class flounder at making friends, you wished you could make him feel better.
Little fingers pressed the folds carefully. It had taken a long time to memorize the folds, how to press your fingers along each seam to perfect the bird. Within a few moments, you examined your work, a sideways grin flashing on your face as you delicately picked up the red bird, cradling it to your chest as you approached Taehyung.
His dark brown hair was unruly, hanging in his eyes as he regarded your approach warily, brown eyes flicking from head to toe in alarm. You gave him a disarming smile, stopping a few feet away. Suddenly nervous, you looked at your scuffed shoes as you held your hand out, “To make you feel better.”
Taehyung eyed the paper creation. “How will a swan make me feel better?”
“It’s not a swan, it’s a crane. My mom gives them to me when I’m sick.”
“I’m not sick.”
“Well, feeling sad is a lot like feeling sick.” You offered the crane again, holding it higher. Tentatively, the boy took the paper crane from your hands, handling it with care. He held it up at eye level, the side of his mouth kicking up slightly. You felt warmth in your cheeks as you murmured, “I’m y/n.”
“My name is Taehyung. You can call me Tae.”
“Do you want to be friends, Tae?”
He beams, a boxy grin flashing pearly teeth. “I would like that.”
-
The second and third cranes came when Taehyung got a cold around Christmas. A fast friendship formed between the two of you, keeping Taehyung at your side and threatening to punch Jihoon if he continues to make fun of Taehyung’s accent. Jihoon knew you were good on your word- everyone remembered how you socked Choi Jisung the year prior for pulling your hair at recess.
Taehyung, though much taller than you, had delicate feelings. He wasn’t overly sensitive, but you learned early on that he felt everything full force. He was as quick to anger as he was to grow sad, and the things that he loved, he loved entirely. Wholeheartedly. You loved the way he experienced the world through his emotion.
Though you had tried to teach Taehyung how to fold the cranes, he was helpless. He was better at other things: painting and taking photos. But above all else, even as a boy, Taehyung had a beautiful, dulcet voice.
Through the early years, it was always easy to be by his side. You shared classes together and you lived relatively close. There was nothing hidden between the two of you.
Sometimes you fought- Taehyung and you were polar opposites. Despite making a move that first day as a ten-year-old, Taehyung was more expressive and outgoing than you were. He exploded in middle school, personality lighting up the room while you hung back, nervously watching from the sides as he made more friends.
But the fighting was never bad. It was nothing a folded paper crane couldn’t solve.
Sitting on your couch with a book tucked into your lap, you heard the front door open and close. Glancing up, you watched as Taehyung crashed into the living room, nearly tripping over the beaten-up converse. His flannel was too large for him, his hair long enough to cover the tops of his ears.
It didn’t matter how Taehyung dressed, though. Even at fifteen, he was devastatingly cute. You tried to tuck away the fleeting thought as you sat up on the couch, half-startled as he began rambling faster than you could follow.
“Slow down!” You demanded, snapping the book shut. “Start over again, you maniac.”
“You know how I went to the audition with Minho today?” You nodded, aware that Taehyung’s friend- emphasis on Taehyung’s- Minho was auditioning for one of the multiple trainee programs in the music industry. You weren’t sold on Minho as a star, but you kept your thoughts to yourself. “They asked me to audition.”
“Seriously?” This captured your attention. Taehyung had been musically inclined for as long as you had known him. You were responsible for most of the jazz records in his collection, years’ worth of birthday and Christmas gifts. “How did that go?”
“They really liked me, I think. They said I would get a call back in a week to let me know if I made it to the next stage.”
You beamed. He was vibrating with energy. “How do you feel about it- like are you excited?”
“I think so?” Taehyung sat down on the couch next to you, folding limbs that were awkwardly long for a teenager’s body. His knee rested against yours as he leaned back on the couch, throwing an arm over the top, just above your shoulders. “I never really put much thought into these trainee programs. They’ll expect me to be able to dance, sing, be aesthetically pleasing and all kinds of other stuff.”
Perfect. They would expect Taehyung to be perfect. You could see the doubt hedging in his gaze as he chewed on his lip, eyes fixed to his lap. You reached out and grabbed his hands. They were warm, dwarfing yours as you folded your fingers around his, ignoring the giddy feeling shooting through your stomach.
“You’d be really good at it.”
A shy smile kicked up the corner of his mouth. Pink tinged the tops of his cheeks and he didn’t look at you as he muttered, “You have to say that. You’re my best friend.”
“I don’t have to say anything,” you disagreed. “In fact, I consider myself quite honest. It was me who told you that your purple, over-sized blazer for the dance was ugly.”
“Our fashion tastes are different!”
“It was still an honest opinion.” You squeezed his hand and he looked up at you. Taehyung’s eyes were your favorite thing about him- his gaze was intense and dark, always burning. Being under the gaze of Kim Taehyung made you squirm, no matter how close you were as friends. “Everything happens for a reason. I think you should feel positive about it, and if it doesn’t work out? So what- you didn’t plan on that career path anyway.”
“That’s true.” Taehyung blew out a puff of air, slumping into your shoulder where he buried his face. It was harder to ignore the fluttering in your stomach, the nervousness slithering it’s way to your hands where they were still connected with Taehyung’s. “Whatever would I do without you, Swan?”
You hummed, blush creeping up your neck and cheeks at the childhood nickname. You had never let him forget he thought the first crane you ever gave him was a swan. Somehow after the endless teasing, the nickname found its way to you and stuck. “The feeling is mutual, Tae.”
-
Though each paper crane you folded for Taehyung was not entirely the same as the last, repeating paper was something inevitable. For special occasions or for big apologies, you always chose special paper. The fight with Taehyung after calling him shallow for liking the same, pretty girl everyone liked in grade seven had been made of shining, rose gold foil. To Taehyung, it was just a new paper, an out of the box design from the hundreds of cranes you had already given him.
For you, it was more. It was an apology for being jealous. A hope that he might thing the rose gold was romantic. It was a cry for him to notice how much you had started to see him as more than a friend. As more than the boy that you befriended at ten years old.
Every crane you ever folded for him meant different things. You liked to use them for apologies and for good luck. Sometimes just as little surprises with gifts for holidays. But each one meant something, even if Taehyung didn’t realize it. You weren’t sure when they started meaning more, but every fold of the paper felt like a secret. Every crease you bent into place felt like you were whispering your innermost thoughts.
You were pretty sure that to Taehyung, they were just a fun little joke between you. But to you, they were hundreds of pieces of paper holding everything you ever wanted to say to him. It was hard to tell which one of the cranes was the first one to say I’m in love with you, but most of them carried the same sentiment.
The newly folded crane sitting on your desk felt particularly special. It was made of the same red, craft paper that you used for the first crane you ever made him. It had been a lengthy process trying to pick out the same shade of red and the same rough texture, but it was similar enough, if not an exact replica.
There were hundreds of things that you wanted this crane in particular to say. I love you. I’m proud of you. I miss you already. Staring at the dainty bird, you felt your throat tighten. Taking a deep breath, you will the subtle burn in your eyes to fade, for the tightness constricting your throat to let go.
Taehyung was moving to Seoul full-time. He had been accepted as a trainee and for several months, he had been actively going back and forth from his home to Seoul, chasing a new dream with wild abandon. You were so happy for him, though you saw him less and had to opt for talking on the phone more. You could accept that- would accept that.
Anything for Taehyung.
Fairy lights twinkled in your bedroom. The bedroom theme was still Sailor Moon, posters of Sailor Scouts peeling from the walls, a one-eyed Luna stuffed pillow on the edge of your bed. It was your favorite pillow, despite the family dog having gotten ahold of one of its eyes. It still smelled like Taehyung, as it was his favorite to cuddle while watching scary movies.
Evidence of Taehyung was everywhere. Your eyes drifted around your room. Polaroids from the camera he got you for your fourteenth birthday were pinned to the cork board with colored tacs. Picture frames with ‘best friends’ ‘bffl’ and other just as vomit-inducing phrases crowded the corners of your dresser and desk.
The thick feeling in your throat returned. Taehyung moving three hours away meant that all the pieces on your walls and in frames was all you would have. A nasty feeling akin to resentment curled in your stomach for a moment. Resentment that he was going to make new friends. That he was leaving you behind.
The resentment was really just fear.
Footsteps thundered up the stairs to your room. You jumped from your bed, adjusting your shirt nervously, folding your hands behind your back as Taehyung opened the door, panting lightly from his run up the stairs. He was dressed in basketball shorts and a shirt that was entirely too large for him, hair shaggy and swept to the side as was the popular style.
“Why are you standing like that?” He asked, single brow raised as he dropped into your computer chair. You realized you were standing rigid in front of your bed and took a deep breath, trying to let yourself relax. Taehyung watched you curiously. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Yes.”
“Liar. What’s wrong?”
You chewed the side of your lip, already red and chapped from the endless pull of your teeth. “I don’t want you to leave,” you whispered. The tears lined your eyes, shining and threatening to spill over. Taehyung was up out of the seat and in front of you in seconds as they spilled over. “Sorry, I’m being stupid.”
Taehyung bent so that he was eye-level with you, hands brushing up your arms to cradle your face, thumbs wiping the freshly spilled tears. “Hey,” he murmured. You stared at the ground, refusing to meet his gaze. His grip on you increased, forcing you to look up at him. His face was open and vulnerable, eyes rounded with worry. “You’re not being stupid. You’re allowed to be upset- I don’t want to leave you either.”
“Really?”
“Are you kidding? You’re… you’re my best friend in the entire world, Swan. I’m not even sure if this entire thing is going to work out. I am absolutely fucking terrified, honestly. I’ll get over that and I’ll make new friends but… they won’t be you. They never will be.”
More tears spilled out at his words. He hummed, standing up and pulling you in close, wrapping his arms around you tightly. The dam broke as you wrapped your arms around his middle, burying your face in his chest to cry openly. Taehyung smelled like sandalwood soap, a scent that had become your favorite.
Closing your eyes, you let him hold you. He didn’t let go, intent on holding you for as long as you needed. Composing yourself, you pulled away from him gently, wiping the tears with the back of your hand. “Sorry,” you laughed sheepishly. “I’m so excited for you to go but I’m also terrified for you to leave.”
“Well you’ll get to visit. And we’ll talk every night.”
“I know,” you murmured. “I just miss you already.”
Taehyung grinned and wandered over to your desk. You watched as he lifted his hand, a nimble finger tracing the neck of the red paper crane. His smile widened as he looked at it fondly. “It’s red like the first one you ever gave me.”
“You remember?”
“Of course I do.” He gave you an affronted glance. “I remember every crane you’ve ever made me.”
“Oh. I mean, I’ve made a lot.”
Taehyung lifted the crane, holding it delicately in his palm. His intense gaze drifted beyond the scarlet bird, resting on you. His gaze was dark, something heated in it that you were unfamiliar with. Your heart kicked into high gear, staring at him wordlessly as he continued to hold your gaze, the bird in his hand.
I love you the bird seemed to scream at him. I love you I love you I love you.
If the bird could speak, it would confess right then. It would open its mouth and tell him that your palms were growing sweaty under his gaze because you wanted him to put the bird down and kiss you. It would squawk at him that you had loved him for years. It would beg him to remember you. Implore him to love you back.
But the bird did not speak, and the moment passed as he lowered his hand, giving you a smile that was less intense than the broken moment.
“You’ll have to bring me more when you visit,” Taehyung finally said, heaving a sigh. “I don’t remember how to make them.”
-
“Did you get the email I sent to you?” Taehyung asked through the phone. You could barely here him as you wedge the device between your face and shoulder, balancing the books and your bag in your hand as you attempted to let yourself into your house. “Did you drop your phone in the toilet again?”
“Ugh, no! My hands are full, thank you!”
Inside the front door, you dumped your belongings into the catchall tray, huffing. You felt sweaty and sticky from the oncoming heat of summer, hair clinging to your face as you shoved it from your sweaty forehead. “No, I haven’t checked my email. Who sends emails anymore?”
“Open the email, idiot.”
“How did you even get my email?”
“You’ve had the same email since we were in middle school, Swan. Come on, check it before I have to go back to practice, please.”
“Fine,” you growled. It had been a tough day at school. You had a week left before summer, but all of the final tests had run you dry of energy and the oncoming heat was not helping.
You could hear background noise as you put Taehyung on speaker, sifting through your email. It was mostly junk and spam from online shopping, but an email with Taehyung’s new label in the subject caught your attention as you tapped it, eyes scanning the screen.
A flight confirmation with details, a record locator and a bar code stared back at you. Your fingers gripped the phone tighter as you stared at it. The flight was in a week- well after you were finished with your eleventh year and at the beginning of your summer break.
Licking your lips, you began to smile.
“Helllllooooo?” Taehyung asked loudly. “How long does it take to find an email, woman? You’re almost eighteen, you should know how to-“
“What is this for?”
“Oh! She does know how to read email. What do you think it’s for, dumbass?”
The return flight was two weeks after you arrived in Seoul. Your heart rate scattered, ramping up in speed as you turned off the speaker and pressed the phone close to your ear. “Taehyung, don’t mess around with me- seriously? What are these flights for?”
“You’re visiting me,” he stated, tone giddy. “I already talked to your parents. My mom and dad will be here for a few days at the same time, by the way.”
“I- ohmygosh I’m coming to see you!”
You couldn’t help but shriek. Though you talked to Taehyung on the phone almost every night, you had only seen him a few times in the last two years. His absence was a festering wound in your side, unable to mend it for long before it reopened again.
It was difficult to stay up late on the phone, trying to trade stories in the rushed amount of time that you shared. Your bed had become a safe haven, falling asleep cradling your phone, hot against your face, as you listened to Taehyung tell you about the new friends he was making, the upcoming reality he was facing of possibly not making it to debut.
You knew he would. You hoped he would. You refused to believe that spending this much time away from him was for nothing.
Taehyung was laughing on the other side of the phone as you screamed, jumping around in circles. You had only been to Seoul twice before, just for quick family vacations. You sort of remembered the sights and sounds, but now you’d be reminded. And Taehyung would be there. he wouldn’t be a phone call away anymore. You had him for two weeks.
It felt like a fever dream.
“Okay, I have to go,” Taehyung laughed. “But I’ll call you tonight so we can plan your trip, okay?”
“Yes! Thank you, Taehyung. Thank you thank you thank you thank you.”
“Yeah, yeah. You better bring me a paper crane.” You agreed- of course you were bringing one. “One last thing,” he said before you hung up. “There’s an attachment to the email as well. It’s a new company thing. With us so close to debuting and me potentially being a part of the group, the company really wants you to sign an NDA.”
You frowned. “What for?”
“To protect me.”
“What am I, a vampire?”
“With the way you hide away in your room? You might be.” He laughed as you scoffed, excitement dialing down as reality settled in. if they were making you sign an NDA, it had to mean they were serious about Taehyung. You had no idea what signing one event meant. “So do I need a lawyer?”
“What? Of course you don’t. But you do have to sign it to visit.”
“Okay.” You nodded before you remembered he couldn’t see you. “I’ll sign it. Do you think they’d accept it in the form of a crane?”
-
Not in a million years would you have thought you’d be nervous to see Kim Taehyung. The same Kim Taehyung who threw up on your favorite blanket during a movie because he ate something bad. The same Kim Taehyung who cried on his thirteenth birthday because you bought him a vinyl record player with money you saved from chores. The same Kim Taehyung who definitely had his first wet dream while sleeping over at your house and refused to come out of the bathroom for almost an hour because he was embarrassed.
You’d seen Taehyung at his worst. Definitely had seen him through his awkward pre-teens where his voice kept wavering between a squeak and something lower, scratchier.
So why were your hands shaking as you rode down the escalator, clutching a carry-on bag? The reality of seeing him after so long apart was gnawing at the edges of your excitement and turning it into anxiety. You had only seen him in snatches since he had left for Seoul, and with their debut date up and coming, he had been unavailable more than ever.
LED screens advertising store fronts and food flashed everywhere. You shifted from foot to foot, chewing your bottom lip as your eyes read the directions to the baggage claim area. Taehyung had promised he would meet you there, and the thumbs up emoji had flashed on your screen immediately after you told him you landed.
Your heart and gut twisted as you reached the bottom of the escalator, launching into a skip, following the signs to your destination. You were careful to keep track of where you were going, eyes flickering from the boarding pass to digital screens directing you to your destination.
Glancing upwards as you neared the correct space, your heart nearly stopped. Taehyung wasn’t facing you, hands tucked in the pockets of his skinny jeans, hat twisted backwards as he stared up at the incoming flight numbers above the baggage claim. He looked beautiful, his tan skin glowing and eyes bright, despite not looking at you. A few girls glanced and giggle in his direction, but Taehyung was oblivious.
As if sensing you had stopped to stare at him, Taehyung turned, dark gaze searching until they found his prize, eyes zeroing in on you. His face lit up, smile radiant as the sun. He didn’t hesitate. He bolted in your direction, drawing you to run at him with equal energy, your shoes hitting the tile as you launched your arms around his neck, crashing into him hard enough that it was painful.
You squeezed your eyes shut. Taehyung was taller than you remembered, towering over you as he squeezed hard, the breath leaving your body. He smelled like sandal wood and lavender, your head swimming as he refused to let you go, swaying you from side-to-side gently.
“Hi, Swan,” Taehyung murmured, the words vibrating into your neck where he tucked his face. A shiver rattled your frame. You hoped he couldn’t feel it as you gave an extra squeeze before peeling yourself away from him. Taehyung made a sound of protest and yanked you back into his chest, squeezing again until you were breathless with laughter. “Just a little longer,” he promised. Your heart began to swell. “Just let me hold you.”
The white-hot knife of insecurity sliced careful at the soft edges of your heart. The things he said, the way he held you- it meant the world to you. A steady ache worked its way from your chest to your throat, and the sudden urge to cry gripped you tight. Fighting it, you laughed as you tried to peel yourself away from him again, suddenly needing distance.
Taehyung’s words and affection was everything you wanted from him, but you knew it had a different meaning when it came from him. The touch of his hand as he lead you to get your bags, the refusal to let you carry your bags to the car, the way he opened the door and introduced you to one of the managers working with his group- it was because Taehyung loved you.
But the way you looked up at him with glittering eyes, the way you listened with your lips partly opened in awe of him, and the way you pressed to his side in the car was because you were in love with Taehyung.
You shoved the thoughts away. Your feelings for him were difficult and confusing, and the next two weeks were about catching up during his well-earned break. After his two weeks, he could or could not be in a k-pop group. So you swallowed the insecurity of your feelings, you stopped entertaining fantasies of being with Taehyung when he put his hand on your knee, and you dedicated yourself to just enjoying the moment with him.
Pretending you’re not in love with him would be easier if everything Taehyung did didn’t send you further into murky waters. He introduced you to his potential bandmates, kissing the top of your head as he proudly announced, This is her. He looked at you then. They’ve all been dying to meet my girl properly. You should probably apologize to Jimin, though. I’ve kept him up late at night with our phone calls.
Being with Taehyung in the city is everything you wanted it to be and more. As the first few days bleed into one another, full of sight-seeing and cramped accommodations at the apartment where all seven of them live, the threat of your feeling lessons. Cramped on the couch between Jimin and Jungkook, you shove the youngest of the group and threaten him with the Wii control within an inch of his life before refocusing on the TV, earning a chuckle from Taehyung as he walks in the room, freshly showered.
“I told you she was a menace with Mario Kart,” he muttered. Jungkook’s round-eyes glanced nervously at you, but you were already focused on the screen again, trying to recover from the banana he had used to sabotage you. It had taken four days, but Jungkook finally could sit in the same room as you without fidgeting or nervously trying to avoid conversation. “You guys thought I was bad, it has nothing on her.”
“MOVE!” Jimin whined, swatting at Taehyung as his lanky figured blocked the vision from the TV. Taehyung swatted back as he momentarily sat on the ground, back facing the couch as he inched his way backwards to settle between your legs. You tried to ignore the way your heart seized, carefully squeezing his shoulders with your knees. “You did that on purpose, now she’s ahead of me!”
“Get over it,” Taehyung snickered. He settled further into the warmth of your thighs, making you hyperaware of him. Your hands were slightly sweaty and you fumbled, giving up your position to Jimin again. Taehyung patted your calf. “Come on, Swan. Kick his ass.”
Jungkook ultimately ended up winning, thrusting his fist in the air as he jumped up. You threw the controller, letting out a noise of frustration as you crossed your arms, leaning back into the couch with a huff as Jungkook declared himself the undisputed, undefeated Mario Kart Champion.
Jimin pat your leg comfortingly. “No one beats Jungkookie, don’t get too mad.”
Taehyung swatted at Jimin’s hands, making a noise that sounded like a very annoyed, very angry squawk. “Hands off, Jimin. Don’t flirt with my Swan.”
Your heart flipped. You gripped it tight and shoved it down deep inside of you, leaning to get the controller instead of contemplating Taehyung’s words. “Rematch, Jeon.”
-
Pomegranate skies made up the Seoul skyline as the sun faded behind the buildings. Taehyung bumped your shoulder with his, laughing as you looked at the rapidly melting bowl of ice cream. Mouth sticky, you grinned at Taehyung as the laughter faded to the background. Your week with him was almost up, but things were good. His parents had left earlier that day, and though having to leave him was looming in the back of your mind, you were happy.
Taehyung was happy.
He was going to debut. He made it. And that was everything to you- everything to him.
The world around the Han River buzzed with energy. Couples strolled along the side walk, fingers laced and pink skies lighting their golden skin. A group of teenager’s rode by on bikes, laughing and hollering as they peddled furiously. People walked their dogs and in general, enjoyed life.
Warmth radiated through your body. The happiness was a mixture of things. It felt nice to be enjoying ice cream sitting on the bench with Taehyung, especially after spending a few days with his parents where they insisted treating you like their own. Their love for him made you miss home a little, but you were with Taehyung, and that was a home like nothing else.
Stirring the slightly melted vanilla with your spoon, you stared down at your feet. The beat up converse you wore matched Taehyung’s, years of dirt and scuff marking them. He knocked his knee to yours, drawing your attention to him. You had to squint slightly, the dying embers of the day still bright behind him.
Your breath caught in your throat. Taehyung looked wreathed in fire, the orange and pink lighting up the edges of his hair. His eyes were bright, burning like embers in the heat of the summer. A few loose strands of hair stuck to the sweat on his forehead. Absently, you reached out and brushed the sticky strands behind his ear, faltering slightly when he leaned into your hand.
Immediately, you dropped your hand. It meant nothing. Taehyung was a naturally an affectionate person, chasing his new band mates and you for physical affection and attention. It was difficult to remind yourself not to read into little things like that- lingering touches, soft smiles when he thought you weren’t looking. You knew it was just Taehyung. It was something you loved about him. One of the reasons you were in love with him.
The thought turned the ice cream sour on your tongue and you dropped your gaze again. “What’s up?”
You picked absently at invisible dust on your shorts. “What?”
“You’ve been doing that since you got here.”
“Doing what?”
“You suddenly get this sad look on your face and look at your shoes.”
You frowned. Were you that transparent? Nervousness fluttered in your stomach as you shook your head and willed yourself to look in his eyes, smiling. “Just don’t want to leave is all.”
Taehyung’s gaze was dark on your face, searching. You held his stare this time, fighting the urge to look away. Sometimes when he looked at you, you swore he knew. It was like he could see down to your soul, peeling away all of the careful little lies you placed delicately to hide the truth from him.
There was no one who knew you better. Several times during the trip already, you swore Taehyung turned to face you and saw the look on your face and that he just knew. Looking at him in the eyes was difficult sometimes, terrified that the windows to your soul would sell you out.
Now, you willed him not to notice, not to see why you had trouble looking at him sometimes.
“I don’t want you to leave either,” Taehyung said eventually. He looked down, length fingers fiddling with the Styrofoam cup in his hand, stains of his chocolate ice cream still there. “It’s been really nice to have you here, Swan.”
“Have to get it in while it lasts, right?”
“What do you mean?”
You leaned back on the bench, hands propping you up as you looked at the rapidly darkening skyline. Neon lights were flickering on in diner windows. Streetlamps buzzed, attracting moths around them. Joggers with blinking safety lights rounded the bend of the Han. The world was so busy beyond the little bubble on the bench with Taehyung.
“Well you’re going to get busy,” you murmured. “I have a good feeling about this thing for you, Tae. You’re totally going to blow up.”
“What does that have to do with anything? There is still a high chance for failure, but even if we somehow managed to become the next thing as my mom keeps calling it, what does it have to do with ‘making things last’?”
“Well- you’ll be busy.”
Taehyung leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he turned and looked at you. His brows were pulled together and his lips were tilted downwards, a prominent pout. “Are you saying I won’t have time for you?”
“I guess, yeah.”
“I’m pretty busy and I make time for you now.”
“I know- I’m thankful for that.”
“But…” Taehyung prompted slowly.
“But,” you agreed. “I had to sign an NDA to come see you. I mean, you haven’t even officially debuted and already there are limits on our friendship. It’s just nice to enjoy this moment while we can still make them. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
You got up to throw out the melted cup of ice cream but Taehyung’s grip on your wrist was iron, weighing you down. “Yes you did. You know I will always make time for you, right?”
“Tae, I didn’t-"
“I need you to acknowledge what I’m telling you.” His fingers squeezed your wrist slightly. “Regardless of where this takes me, you have to know you’re the most important thing to me, right?” Your breath stuttered. You wished he wouldn’t say things like that. “Do you not know that? Have I not made that clear?”
“Jeez,” you hedged, opting for the joke as you pulled your hand from him. “I didn’t realize I was going to upset you. I was just saying there will be less time to see each other. I know we’re best friends, Taehyung.”
For a moment, Taehyung le you walk away. You tossed the cup into the trash, wiping your sticky fingers on your shorts. You were doing anything you could not to look at him, fishing your phone out of your pocket as an excuse to check the time. “It’s getting late, we should-“
“You’re doing it again.”
This time when you looked at him, you were annoyed. “Doing what, Taehyung?”
Taehyung untangled himself from the bench, tossing his empty cup into the trash. He was wearing basketball shorts and a black t-shirt, effortlessly handsome despite the heat and sweat lining his temple. He trailed to you, eyes round and vulnerable.
“You won’t look at me,” he murmured. “What am I doing that makes you do that?”
Taehyung reached towards you and you skittered slightly, wavering between fear of where the conversation was going, knowing that if Taehyung kept asking you would cave. You never lied to him about anything. There had never been a need to. But now he was crowding your space, and the look on his face was open and afraid.
“Swan.” You glanced up at him. You realized you were shifting on your feet, nervousness driving you to keep moving, to expel the energy. “What’s going on? Did I do something?”
“No! I told you, I’m just sad to-"
“Don’t lie to me.” You were stunned to silence at the vehemence in his voice. He wasn’t yelling- Taehyung never yelled. “Is it because you really think I’ll just forget about you? That would-“ he licked his lips slightly, swallowing. “-That would hurt my feelings if you thought that of me. I wouldn’t just push you to the side. I love you.”
“Please don’t say that,” you whispered.
Sweat slicked your palms. You rubbed your hands against your shorts, trying to dry them as your lips twitched slightly. Taehyung had told you he loved you over a hundred times. But he didn’t get it. He didn’t understand what it did every time he said he loved you. You’d been saying it for so long with such a different meaning that hearing it- especially in such a soft voice- was gutting you.
“What? Why would you say that?”
“Let’s go back to the dorm, it’s getting late.”
“Stop!” You flinched, eyes flying wide as he yelled at you. You opened and closed your mouth, unsure what to say. “Tell me.”
“I…”
Taehyung was in front of you. His hands were wringing, and his eyes wouldn’t stop searching your expression, brows pinched. He was upset. His teeth worried his bottom lip, a sure sign that he was getting emotional.
You didn’t know what to do. You didn’t want to make Taehyung cry by pushing him away again. But if you told him, you’d be pushing him away anyway. “What did I do to you?” Taehyung asked, his voice thick.
You broke. The crack in his voice, the honest belief that he had done something wrong to you.
“I’m in love with you,” You whispered, voice barely audible above the dull roar in your ears. “And I don’t know what to do about it, because I don’t think you feel that way about me. Being with you the last week or so has only solidified that. And I’m sorry if-"
“Fuck, Swan.”
“I know,” you rushed out, trying to beat him to it. You stared at your feet, fingers tangled in the hem of your shirt. You felt like you were shrinking, shoulders turn inwards as you tried to make yourself smaller in the light of the massive confession. “I’m sorry if this ruins things, I didn’t want to tell you and I understand you don’t-“
By refusing to meet Taehyung’s eyes, you missed the way he smiled at you. You missed how he stopped fidgeting, and the way he surged forward to grip your face clumsily and smash his lips against yours. You gasped, eyes snapping up as Taehyung pressed his lips firmly against yours. He pulled away briefly, eyes half-lidded as he looked down at you. “Was that all?”
“Yes? What-“
“Stop talking, fuck,” Taehyung muttered, brushing his lips against yours again.
This time, you let your eyes flutter closed, arms still hanging at your side as his mouth moved tentatively against yours, a little unpracticed and a little messy. Your face heated, warmth spreading through your neck to your chest. You pushed into him, smiling into the kiss as he gave a soft, unsure prod at the seam of your lips with his tongue.
You’d kissed boys, but nothing felt like this. This tasted like the chocolate still sweet on Taehyung’s tongue as he deepened the kiss into a messy exchange, inexperienced and a little too wet. It didn’t matter. You were buzzing, humming with delight as his fingers pressed your face softly, angling you so that your foreheads pressed firmly against one another.
With a sudden thought, you pulled away from him, gasping for air. “Wait,” you panted. “Do you even like me?”
His sweet, warm breath ghosted across your face as he laughed, hands dropping from your face to your waist, pulling you in. “I love you the moment you gave me that paper swan.”
“Paper crane.”
His smile was radiant. You swore the sun pulled back up from the horizon, shinning once more as Apollo pulled his chariot across the sky in honor of Taehyung’s smile. “Your right,” Taehyung amended. “You’re my only swan.”
-
“Am I supposed to have a lawyer look over this?” You whispered to Taehyung, flipping the pages of a newly drafted NDA.
Taehyung flopped on the couch next to you, casting an arm around you as he pressed against your side, pressing a chaste kiss to your bare shoulder. You shivered and your stomach flipped, face going red as you smirked at the various clauses, legal terms and language that went over your head. He stayed nestled to your side, dark eyes flicking over the printed pages
“What for?”
“What if your company sues me?”
That made him laugh. You shot him a look and he pressed his lips together in an effort to cease his laughter. You tried not to grin as your eyes slid back to the pages. “Why would they sue you? You’re my girlfriend.”
You couldn’t fight the grin that time, biting your lip as the term washed over you. Girlfriend. It was a new title, only two days old, but it didn’t fail to make you giddy all over again. “What?” Taehyung teased, leaning further into you to brush his lips across your jaw. You giggled and tried to push him away. “You like it when I call you that, Swan?”
“No.”
“Ugh, my girlfriend is a liar.”
“Shut up.”
He wrapped his arms around your waist, warmth spreading from his body to yours. Despite your words, you leaned into him, content. “I’m just saying,” you sighed. “I don’t know what any of this means.”
“It’ll be fine,” he promised. “My company would never hurt you. Plus, it’s just temporary. The no girlfriend thing is only for the first three years.”
“Three years, huh? You’re pretty serious about this relationship.”
“I’m serious about you.”
You turned to face him, pressing a quick, shy kiss to his cheek. His smile broadened. “I’m serious about us. About this,” Taehyung murmured, grip constricting. “Them hurting you would be hurting me. I would never let them do that.”
“Promise?”
He nodded, tucking his chin at the junction between your shoulder and neck. “Promise.”
-
An ache settled in your neck as you adjusted the purse strap on your shoulder, bag weighing you down. Several text books and a laptop were shoved inside, nearly toppling you over as the subway shifted. You clung to the pole for balance, looking at the handprints of others and making a face, reminding yourself to sanitize your hands as soon as you stepped off.
The buzz of your phone drew your free hand to your pocket, fishing the device out before smiling softly, seeing Taehyung’s name light up on the screen- at least, the name you kept in your phone for him. You weren’t allowed to put his full name on your phone or anything that suggested his identity.
Section A. Clause IV
Member may not have their name, aliases, images, likeness or any content whether digital or physical and/ or material as described in Exhibit E. used in any way to indicate that the Signer is associated with the Member professionally, personally or in any other capacity.
You swiped the message open, heart thrumming.
T: Out of class yet?
You: Yeah, I’m on my way back to my apartment.
T: Text me when you get there safely.
You: Always. Love you.
T: Love you, Swan.
A soft, melancholy note sang through your heart as you wedged the phone back in the pocket of your jeans. You missed Taehyung. You lived in the same city, but you lived vastly different lives. Though he was only fifteen minutes away from you- a massive upgrade from the original distance- you were finishing up school with a degree in marketing and media, struggling to get through your final semester while balancing an internship at a multi-media company and school.
And seeing Taehyung in very small bursts.
Things were good, though. The end of the dating ban was rapidly approaching a giant red circle on your calendar and your heart. You had done well for three years- really well, considering that Taehyung could barely move around the city without being recognized.
You had always known something big was going to happen to him. But big seemed an inferior word for the way that Taehyung’s life was changing and by default, yours.
Blisters hounded you all the way down the sidewalk and into the lobby of your apartment building. It wasn’t like the new apartment the boys had, with updated room accommodations and a higher level of security in the lobby, but it was clean, relatively new, and most importantly, it was affordable.
You bowed your head at the security guard working in his small office as you entered the stairway for residents, rushing up to the third floor. The bag weighed you down further, making you gasp for air as you fished out your keys, nearly tumbling through the door and into the messy hallway filled with shoes, a hook filled with hanging backs, and a broken umbrella.
You smiled slightly as you looked at the umbrella while kicking off your shoes. Taehyung had unceremoniously broken it when he fell on it drunkenly after celebrating your anniversary over a year ago.
Dropping your bags onto the floor with a loud thud, you made your way into the small apartment, vaguely realizing that it smelled like one of your candles was on. Entering the living room, you’re convinced you were going to discover you left a candle burning but instead, you found Taehyung sitting on the couch, the candles on your side table burning while he grinned at you, eyes like crescent moons.
There were to-go containers on the coffee table, which often doubled as your dinner table. He was in sweat pants and a t-shirt that was too large for him, but you didn’t care. You rushed him, jumping onto the couch to straddle him as you threw your arms around his neck, crushing him to you in a tight hug. His laugh was deep and soft as he hugged you back, leaning into the back of the couch with you.
“I know you’ve been tired,” he murmured pressing a firm kiss to the side of your head. “So I got your favorite.”
“I thought you had practice tonight?” You pulled away slightly, sitting in his lap happily. You threaded your fingers in his soft hair at the base of his neck, twisting the strands as you looked down at him. Overwhelmed by the petal-pink lips and soft gaze, you leaned forward and pressed your lips against his once. Twice.
He became soft around the edges as he smiled at you, dulled by your warm love. “I did some begging.”
“For me?”
“Always for you, Swan.” He tapped your butt lightly. “Come on, it’s going to get cold.”
With another quick kiss, you rolled off of his lap, adjusting yourself on the couch as the two of you worked open the tops of the containers. The movements were methodical, passing chop sticks and emptying cartons of food onto paper plates. Taehyung grabbed a sauce packet, ripping it open with his teeth to squeeze it over his chicken while you gave him the larger portions of dumplings.
It was a routine that felt normal. Like it happened every night. You knew Taehyung inside and out. You knew the way he liked to lay in his bed and listen to jazz music, playing an invisible trumpet at his favorite parts. You knew that right before he cried, he pouted his bottom lip, eyes rounding before the tears formed. You knew that he had a large collection of stuffed animals that you studiously ignored the first time you had sex in his cramped dorm room- an awkward but sweet memory.
So it was easy to sit on the couch and move around one another, two moons orbiting the same planet. He told you about work. It didn’t matter how many times he complained about dance practice or how excited he got about a new music video. You absorbed every one of his experiences, a sponge with no capacity to get full.
Hearing the rise and fall of his voice as he recounted his day made you happy. Watching his hands as he explained animatedly was important to you. And you smiled when he complained about his bandmates before relenting and admitting he wasn’t really annoyed because they mean the world to him. They’re his best friends. His brothers.
All of his stories and experiences were everything to you. Because when it’s hard and there was space between you, you reminded yourself that Taehyung was living a rare, delicate dream. That at any moment, people could decide that the BTS fad was over.
Taehyung’s success was worth it. His happiness was worth it.
Shoving the empty takeout containers in the trash, you straightened to see Taehyung eyeing you. Even after almost three years- with a rapidly approaching anniversary- you got nervous when he looked at you like that. Dark eyes drifting up and down your frame, perfect mouth curved gently upwards.
No one had a gaze like Taehyung, and the full weight of it on you made you straighten, staring back at him with flushed cheeks and a thrumming heart. “What?” you demanded, feigning irritation to hide the nervousness. “Do I have something on my face?”
“No,” he murmured. He leaned against the counter, aloof as ever. You remembered thinking he was so cool in middle school, leaning on doorways and on desks. He always looked like he was on the verge of smirking, like he knew something you didn’t. “I’m just admiring my girlfriend.”
“She must look elegant in work clothes, day-long makeup and greasy hair.”
“She looks beautiful at every moment of the day.” His answer was immediate, rolling out before you could finish your sentence. His eyes shone in the dim kitchen lighting. “She doesn’t realize how absolutely stunning she is at every hour and every minute, and that I am hopelessly falling in love with her over and over again.”
You swallowed. Taehyung was like that. Boyish and goofy one moment, serious and breathtaking the next. Sometimes you wondered if he looked up how to compliment you online. It came so effortlessly to him like many other things. But you knew it wasn’t some attempt at flattery- it was honesty.
Taehyung was the most honest, loving person you knew. He didn’t hesitate to tell you he loved you after that first moment when you were seventeen and struggling to tell him your feelings. After realizing that you had been harboring feelings for him for years, Taehyung had made it a mission to ensure you that you knew were you stood. That you never doubted him.
For you, Taehyung wore his heart on his sleeve.
“Come here,” he ordered softly, not moving from the counter.
Automatically your feet carried you to him. Your hands acted out of instinct, reaching for Taehyung before you reached him. He laced his fingers with yours, artful fingers gripping your smaller hands tight as he tanked you to him faster. You stumbled into his chest, joined hands gripped tight at your sides as he dipped his head down to press his forehead against yours.
“I love you.”
“I know,” you whispered, looking up at him. He was so achingly beautiful.
“Is that a Star Wars reference?”
You smiled as you stood up on your tiptoes, kissing him softly. It was just a brush of lips, Taehyung giving chase the moment you pulled away to kiss you fully, lips lingering before you murmured against his mouth, “Perhaps.”
“Come to bed with me, Princess Leia.”
“Technically it’s Han who says-"
Taehyung made a sound of irritation that isn’t genuine. It was more a sound of humor as he let go of your hands to grab your hips, pulling you flush against his waist. He kissed you fully, lips parting yours gently, his tongue warm and seeking.
Fire licked through you as you kissed him fiercely back, exploring the taste of him. He still faintly tasted like the honey sauce from his chicken, but mostly he tasted like Taehyung. Like the love of your life.
With careful hands, Taehyung led you backwards toward your tiny bedroom. You were fortunate that your room was separate from the rest of your apartment at all. Your hands clung to his flexing biceps as he led you in a dance through the dark, kiss turning from firm to feral, licking and biting at your mouth in a way that ignited every nerve, sending sparking signals to your brain.
You fell more than laid on your bed, letting out a loud oof as Taehyung fell on top of you. His laugh was deep as it rumbled through his chest, vibrating through you. He placed sloppy kisses on your cheek, trailing to your jaw as he shifted his weight, lifting himself up with his forearms.
“Sorry,” he breathed, words warm against your ears. You shivered, arms snaking around his neck to bring him closer, knees squeezing his hips as he pressed down against you. He was already growing hard from a bit of kissing, always eager to have you, always hungry for you at any moment. “Didn’t mean to crush you.”
“Don’t care,” you gasped as his teeth nipped your earlobe. You felt like you were catching fire, glowing like the edges of a heated knife. “Crush me all you want.”
“That’s a new one.”
It was hard to listen to his banter while he shifted, coming to his knees between your legs. He broke away from you, hands roaming under the hem of your shirt, rough pads of his fingers drifting across the planes of your stomach and fleshy hips. You wiggled, whining under his reverent touch.
Taehyung smirked. He knew how just soft touches on your skin lit you up. You could already feel your panties dampening, growing slick with the desire pulled out of you with just his hands.
“What, baby?”
“Touch me,” you asked.
“I am touching you.”
“Don’t be a little shit.”
His laughter was full as he pulled at the hem of your shirt. You leaned forward, letting him take the silk blouse off. Your bra was boring and nondescript, but Taehyung didn’t care. He dove forward, sucking blooming purple and red splotches into your neck, drawing out a loud moan from you. His teeth plucked at every sensitive spot on the delicate skin of your throat, hot tongue laving over to sooth the bites.
With your eyes closed, you let yourself drift in the feeling of his hot mouth making its way to your collarbones. He was careful not to damage the skin on your throat- hickies were a strict no among the two of you. He didn’t want you to feel insecure at work and you… weren’t allowed to mark Taehyung in any way that suggested he was partaking in sexual activity.
Section B, Clause III.
Member shall not receive any marks such as but not limited to: hickies, scratches, bruises, bite marks, lipstick stains, and any other additional marking or scarring as descripted in Exhibit D that suggests sexual activity or any additional personal or physical relationships.
You shoved away the legal language that ran around your mind like a phantom, but you were careful to bring your nails back up to Taehyung’s hair, lightly scratching his scalp instead of his neck.
“Still have such trouble telling me what you want me to do with you,” Taehyung groaned, rolling his hips into yours. Even through dress pants, you could feel his hard dick. It made you breath out a soft moan, fixating on the way he licked the skin on the top of your breasts, nipping lightly above the cup of your bra. “Swan?”
“Taehyung, if you don’t take my bra off and worship my fucking tits, I swear-“
“Mmmm,” he hummed, delighted as he pulled the cup of your bra down, quick to wrap his smoldering mouth around a nipple. You keened, arching up into him as his long licked the pert bud. He continued to hum, satisfied as his tongue circled lazily, ending his ministration with a soft bite, making you squeal. “Was that so hard to ask for?”
“Apparently. My bra is still on.”
With a growl, Taehyung appeased you. His fingers expertly undid the bra, tossing it somewhere in the room as he pressed your boobs together, hungry mouth lavishing them. You moaned loudly, losing yourself in the way he licked and bit at your skin, as though he could devour you whole.
You’d let him. Taehyung could consume your soul and you’d thank him from your knees.
Your greedy hands pulled at his shirt, yanking it over his head. Careful not to use teeth or suck faint marks into his skin, you kissed the hard planes of his chest, more open mouth than anything. He shivered under your touch, casting his head back as you teased his nipple with your tongue, giggling as you dipped your hand below the waistband of his sweat pants, a south of surprise leaving you when your fingers danced delicately up his shaft.
“No panties?” You teased as he buried his face in your neck, peppering you with kisses once more.
“I don’t wear panties,” he panted. You wrapped your fingers around his throbbing cock, giving him a few soft, slow strokes. His hips twitched, smacking into yours as he shuddered. “Unless you’re into that.”
“Could be hot.”
“Yeah?”
“Mhmmm. They make lingerie for men, you know? Red, lacy ones.”
“Fuck,” Taehyung whispered as you picked up your pace a bit, squeezing his cock as you reached the head. Taehyung moved like lighting, sitting up, your hand falling from his pants. “Take these off of me and stroke me proper, baby.”
You worked quickly to get him out of his pants. Taehyung kicked them off somewhere, pausing only to rid you of your pants, nearly ripping your underwear off of your legs as he tore at them.
He was on his knees next to you, cock bobbing against his stomach. You moaned deep in your throat at the sight. Much like the rest of him, it was beautiful. Taehyung’s cock was long and thick, angry tip swollen from your teasing and begging for attention as your hand returned to stroking him lightly, gathering the precum leaking from the tip to spread it down the rest of him.
Taehyung sounded beautiful when he moaned. It was deep and throaty, like he couldn’t control the sound as he escaped him. You leaned upwards, dipping the tip of his cock down toward your mouth as you gave a kitten lick to the tip, making his hips buck again.
“Fucking tease,” he grunted. He leaned down, fingers running up your thigh before taking a chaste dip between your legs, earning a surprised sound from you as his fingers brushed up your slit, another groan leaving his mouth. “So fucking wet. Does teasing my cock make you drip, baby?”
“Yeah,” you breathed, head falling back on the bed as he applied the barest pressure to your clit. A teasing motion. Not enough friction to do much, but enough to make you squirm. “Taaaaae.”
Your moan was quiet, careful not to make too much noise. You had neighbors, and that mattered under Section A. Clause IV.
Taehyung took your hand from working his cock and he laid on the bed, patting his chest as he looked at you with blown out eyes. “Come here, wanna eat you out while you suck me off.”
“What are we, seventeen?”
He grinned. You moved toward him despite your protest. “We’re more skilled than we were when we were seventeen,” he promised, hands kneading the meat of your ass as you carefully placed your dripping heat near his face. You lowered yourself even more carefully, licking at his cockhead again. “Plus, I really want to make a mess of this pretty pussy but your mouth feels so fucking good.”
You had no more protests. It wasn’t a particularly comfortable position, but any doubt died in your throat as Taehyung ran the tip of his tongue teased your pussy, barely running up your slit and flicking over your clit. Your head collapsed on his leg for a minute, hand stilling on the base of his cock as you got distracted, his tongue giving you a firm, fat swipe up the center.
“Fuuuuck,” you whispered, clenching around nothing.
He smacked your ass lightly, startling you. “I’m not doing more until you return the favor, Swan.”
“Sorry.”
Taehyung startled you with another broad, but quick lick. “Mmm never sorry.”
With a deep moan, you carefully took the tip of Taehyung’s cock in your mouth, running your tongue around the swollen head. He hummed into your pussy, following on his promise as he licked slowly up and down, tongue dipping slightly into your entrance before flicking back up to circle your clit.
Taehyung’s tongue was lethal, making you dizzy as you spit on his cock, leisurely pumping him until he was slick enough to take into your mouth. He groaned into your pussy, vibrations making your hips twitch. You focused on sucking him at a steady pace, hollowing your cheeks and flattening your tongue so that it scraped underneath his cock with each delicious drag of your mouth.
The sound of Taehyung grunting spurred you further. He attached his sinful lips to your clit, sucking harshly. You gasped, dropping his cock from your mouth as you threw your head back, eyes fluttering. You felt him grin against your slick core, mouth devouring you with renewed heat.
“Fuck,” Taehyung mumbled between licks. “I love this fucking pussy.”
“Please don’t stop.”
“Hmm I don’t know. I seem to be distracting you.”
“I’ll show you distracted,” you muttered.
Without warning, you took Taehyung in your mouth, swallowing him down your throat. The cursing between your legs and the feeling of his fingers digging painfully into your thighs made you grin around a mouthful of his cock. You bobbed your head at a set pace, breathing carefully through your nose. Drool slipped from your mouth, making his dick shine in the dim light with spit and cum.
Though his hips were bucking up slightly into your mouth, cock kissing the back of your throat every time you slid down his length, Taehyung was only distracted for a moment before he went back to licking and sucking your pussy until you were whimpering and squirming above him.
A soft burn coiled in your stomach, mounting as he used his hands to roll your hips back and forth across his tongue. He gave you a particularly harsh suck, making you groan, dropping his cock from your mouth again, hand pumping up and down, twisting at the top.
Taehyung pat your ass, “Enough for me, ride my face.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m going to cum straight down your fucking throat if you don’t stop,” he mumbled. His tongue prodded your entrance again, making you shiver as you released your hold on his throbbing cock. You kneeled over him properly, thighs shaking on either side of his head. “That’s my girl. Want you to cum all over my tongue before you cum on my cock, Swan.”
You could barely breath, eyes squeezed shut as your hips bucked back and forth, Taehyung’s strong hands guiding you as his tongue continued to languidly lap at your folds. If there was one thing you knew about Taehyung for sure in the bedroom, it was that he got off on getting you off. His hips twitched as you began to pant, doubling over and burying your face in his thigh as the tightly wound feeling in your stomach shot like and arrow upward.
Glass shattered. You came with a scream, doing the best you could not to sink your teeth into the meat of his thigh as you ripped at the sheets with the force of your orgasm. Taehyung licked you gently through it, careful not to overstimulate you as his tongue danced along your pussy.
Gently, he separated his mouth from you, giving you a brief kiss on your clit. You laughed breathlessly, trying to regain a sense of self as you blinked the stars from your eyes. Taehyung was careful with you, untangling your limbs and settling you on the sheets until he was hovering over you, your legs wrapped tightly around his waist and his lips guiding you in a slow, messy kiss.
Taehyung rolled his hips into yours, wetting his cock with your cum as he did.
“Please,” you murmured. “Please.”
“Yeah? Need to be fucked full, baby?”
“Yes.”
Taehyung hummed, pressing his nose against yours. One hand vanished from beside your head as he gripped his cock at it’s based, guiding himself to your core. Your moan was breathy as he pushed in, barely breaching your entrance, making you whine. You could feel more than see his grin as he laughed, hot breath fanning your face.
“So greedy.”
“Why are you making me beg? I asked so nicely.”
Taehyung licked your mouth. “Mmm. I guess you did.”
With a single movement, Taehyung pushed his cock all the way in, bottoming out and staying there. You both moaned in unison, breath mingling as he kissed you, all tongue and teeth. You squeezed his hips gently, careful not to use your nails per Section B. Claus III. He got the hint, slowly rolling his hips as easily as the waves on the beach during the summer.
You got lost in him immediately. His skin was hot, pressed against yours and burning burning burning. Everything felt heated, your muscles going lax as you rolled your hips upward, meeting him stroke for stroke. Taehyung murmured your name as his cock slid into the deepest parts of you, in no hurry to rush you to your next peak.
Taehyung’s lips were loving. They made a map of his heart on your face, your neck, your shoulders. Anywhere he could kiss, he attached his mouth, willing his love into you with his tongue and teeth, and the steady but firm thrust of his hips.
Fingers tangled in his hair, you scratched his scalp lightly. Breathless, moaning his name and begging him. For what, you weren’t sure. It felt like too much and not enough all at once, your nerves a livewire.
Everything was Taehyung. The feeling of his cock brushing against your g-spot and making you jerk forward, clenching viciously around him. Your name vibrated from his mouth, passing from him to you. Whispered. Moaned. Prayed. Every time your name dropped from his lips, you swear you feel divinity.
“Fuck,” Taehyung gasped, picking up speed. “I love you so fucking much. You have no idea what you do to me.”
“Please,” You whispered. That word again. Begging him for what, you’re not entirely sure. “I love you. I love you I love you I love you.”
Taehyung lifts himself off you slightly, adjusting so that he can fuck into you faster. His stroke shifts from passionate to hungry, chasing after your orgasm, hand running down your side to stop at the top of your pussy, thumb brushing against your clit. You mewled under him, thrashing at the stimulation, earning dark laughter.
“Yeah, Swan? Gonna fuck you until you cream, baby.”
Dirty talk was a recent addition to the bedroom. Taehyung had tentatively tried it when you were still learning the language of one another’s bodies. You had to admit you liked it. Hearing the way he growled filthy words at you, living up to his promise to fuck into you until you were mounting toward your high again, screaming as he fucked you off the cliff and into a moment of white light.
You felt everything go tight. You squeezed your eyes shut, heels digging into the bed, hands gripping the bed. For a moment, it was like you couldn’t breath, soaring in bliss.
A gasp of air rushed into your lungs, bringing you back down as you sagged. Taehyung had slowed his pace, shaking above you, your orgasm threatening to kickstart his. You could feel the way he was trembling, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as he struggled to ensure your orgasm lived a full life before giving into his.
“Cum for me,” you rasped, wincing as you moved your sore thighs. You thrusted into him, body tired and humming after your orgasm, but determined to reward. “Give it to me, Taehyung.”
A feral string of curses left his lips as he fastened his hands to your hips, picking his pace back up until he was slamming into you, fucking you into the mattress with wild abandoned. You squeezed him, pulled him closer, begged him to cum until he let out a loud moan, face collapsing into your neck as his hips stuttered. You brushed your fingers along his back as he came, pressed kisses against his ear as you whispered his name.
After a few moments of thundering hearts, stilted breaths and the smell of sweat, Taehyung pulled out of you, falling to the side. You brushed the hair sticking to his brow, revealing his flushed face. He looked at you and your heart stopped dead before beating wildly like the beat of a war drum.
Taehyung looked beautiful, even after sex when he was sweaty and red and flushed tip to nose. He smiled at you, pulling you close and pressing his face against your shoulder where he kissed you once.
“Love you, Swan.”
-
Taehyung was late. While it wasn’t unusual for him to fall behind on schedule because of practices and shoots that ran over the allotted time, it was unusual for him not to text you.
Picking up your phone from the coffee table, you flashed your phone toward you again. Nothing. It was already late evening and you were beginning to think the takeout you ordered was going to go cold. It was currently in the microwave for safe keeping, but it wouldn’t stay that way forever.
The fight between wanting to text him and ask him where he was and wanting to give him space while he worked was one you were familiar with. Straddling the line between being the annoying girlfriend who was constantly waiting for him to finish work and being the concerned girlfriend when he was overworked was difficult.
There was no one to help you. Taehyung was the only member with a girlfriend, from what you understood- though Section F. Claus X specifically prohibited you from speaking to anyone related to Taehyung about your relationship.
Section F. Claus X
Party shall not speak to, interact with or fraternize with Members friends, relatives, associates, coworkers, or staff members associated with Members corporation. Party acknowledges that any communication with other individuals associated with Member or other Members as outlined in Appendix J is a breach of the nondisclosure agreement.
It was difficult not having a resource for this kind of pressure. Taehyung wouldn’t understand what it was like to constantly doubt if it was okay to ask him how long he would be. He didn’t know how much you wanted to express that you cared about him overworking himself without sounding like you were chastising him.
Taehyung hated being chastised. You limited your reprimands to relationship-specific topics. Never about his relationships with his bandmates. Never about work. Never about the schedule. Or cancelling movie nights, or not seeing you for two weeks at time. Those were topics best left to heal with time and silence.
So you waited. Waited until it was definitely boarding on too late to comfortably eat takeout. Unfolding yourself from the couch, you walked toward the kitchen. The urge to cry was stuck in your throat. It wasn’t an anniversary dinner- that had been two days ago. It had been wonderful, and full of love, and Taehyung had been careful about selecting the gift he got you. Just as carefully as the necklace you got him: a gold chain with a single paper crane.
You didn’t make Taehyung cry often. But he did cry when you gifted him the crane.
The necklace was safe. Discreet. No one could look at it and think, I bet a woman gifted him that. I bet you anything he has a girlfriend that he just celebrated a three-year anniversary with.
Section. G. Claus I
Member shall not wear anything or visibly display materials or items associated with the Party at any time under any circumstance. Items such as gifts, belongings, or shared possessions must be unidentifiable and gender-neutral items. Materials and items that suggest a personal or sexual relationship are strictly prohibited.
The crane was a good, safe gift. And it had come accompanied with the rare, red cranes that were special for you two. Only five of them existed: the first one you gave Taehyung at school, the second when he left to become a trainee in Seoul, and the next three for each annual anniversary together.
Red paper cranes for your red paper heart, tearing at the seams as you put the food in the fridge. There was a red crane sitting on the counter, waiting for Taehyung to get him. It was number six-hundred and seventy-four. You knew every crane you folded him. You counted.
By the time Taehyung came to your apartment- you couldn’t say come home because this wasn’t home for him- it was three hours past your agreed time. You had shoved the boxes in the fridge and showered, giving up on the over-thought and over-done outfit you had worn for him.
It wasn’t an anniversary, but it was a sort of anniversary.
It was three years since you signed that infernal NDA. Three years of living by Sections and Clauses and Appendixes and Definitions. Three years of Member and Party relationships and legal definitions. His dating ban was over.
The sound of Taehyung shuffling into your apartment startled you. Lifting your head from the couch, you blinked up at him, the light of the tv casting a blue fade to the world around you. He kicked his shoes off and trudged over, pausing to put a leather folder on the table. You faintly recognized it as the fancy folders used at the label.
“Hi,” Taehyung murmured. He tossed his backpack by the island counter top. So he was staying the night. That made you smile, momentarily forgetting that he missed your little NDA-is-over party. “Sorry I’m so late.”
“S’okay. Did practice go late?”
Taehyung crawled onto the couch, careful not to knee you. You opened your arms and he slumped into your chest, arms flat by his side as he laid his cheek against the base of your throat. He hummed, non-comital. You could feel his lashes flutter shut.
Carefully, you carded your fingers through his hair. The silky strands were recently bleached, the newly blonde hair a stark contrast to his dark eyes. It looked good on him. Taehyung had one of those faces that made anything stand out. His hair had been a variety of colors so far, each one as beautiful as the last.
“What’s wrong?” You asked. You venture on the path of least resistance. If you asked him about what’s bothering him first, you can hedge the issue of being late and missing your plans. He misses plans a lot- and usually that’s okay. But today was supposed to be your last night in. The final time you had to hide. “Tae?”
He hummed. “Who said anything is wrong?”
You snorted, stopping the movement of your fingers through his hair. “I’ve known you since we were kids and I’ve loved you for nearly as long. I know when something is wrong.” He shrugs again. It pinches a nerve slightly and you tug on the strands, adding, “And you missed a really important date. We were supposed to be celebrating.”
A heavy sigh followed by silence. You waited, expecting an apology or something else. Anything else. Silence was worse, and anxiety started to eat away at you. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Why didn’t he care that he missed this anniversary? You guys had been talking about it non-stop, talking about all of the things that you wanted to do when you could be in public. When he could take you to all the places he had been. When he could hold your hand.
“Taehyung.”
“I know today was important,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry.”
“Is something going on at work? Are you fighting with Jimin again?”
“No.”
“Okay… are you homesick? We can maybe visit-“
“That’s not it,” Taehyung snapped, shifting slightly. You blinked in surprised. It was rare for him to sound terse. Taehyung was an emotional man, but he was rarely angry. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”
“Can you just tell me what’s wrong? I just… I want to help.”
For a few moments, Taehyung remained silent. Just when you thought that he wasn’t going to answer, that he was going to leave you hanging, he murmured, “You have to sign a new nondisclosure. It’s on the counter.”
It was like watching a car accident in slow motion. For a moment, the world was still and normal. You were moving through life, doing something simple, an every day action. Then the horror started to seep in, the panic that you were veering off track. Blind-sided, fumbling to keep up as reality shattered from what it was into a bunch of pieces of potentials. Of unknowns.
Your fingers were tight in his hair as your lip trembles. You didn’t know what to say. What was there to say. First there was desperation. Then a hot flash of anger, heart pounding so loud that you almost pushed him off of you to storm into your room. The anger was cooled in a flash, doused by acceptance. Irritated understanding.
“How long?”
“Two years.”
Hesitation. You licked your lips and your eyes drifted to the leather folder on the counter. It made sense, now. He had brought the papers with him. They didn’t expect you to need a lawyer- you were devoted to Taehyung. They knew it. You knew it. You’d sign the papers, just like you did the first time.
Further your eyes drifted, resting on the red paper crane. “Okay,” you whispered, a tear running hot town your cheek as you stared at the crane, its image becoming watery with want. “I’ll sign it.”
-
“Are you okay, Swan?” Jungkook’s voice sounds like it’s coming through a tin can on the phone as you smashed your cell between your shoulder and face. “We haven’t seen you in almost a month and hyung said he hasn’t gotten to see you in almost three weeks.”
“Section F. Claus X, Kookie.” You glanced around the train station, ensuring that no one heard you. No one seemed to care about the girl struggling with a huge box filled with video games that you were taking to donate on your job’s behalf. “No fraternizing-“
“Fuck your nondisclosure. I’m calling to see if my friend is okay because I miss her and her boyfriend has bags under his eyes.”
Your mouth tightened. Were you okay? You had your health and your family was doing well. You worked in the marketing department for a gaming company that you adored- and that your boyfriend and his friends adored your access to.
But BTS had done something new. They exploded on American charts. They were growing at a rate that was making you dizzy- unlike anything you could ever imagine. And Taehyung was preparing for a tour overseas that would take him further away from you. Even living almost down the street, he felt fucking further than ever.
“Yeah,” you croaked into the phone, mentally cursing at the way your voice cracked. You cried more these days, but never in front of Taehyung. Never where he could see that the implemented distance, the love only held behind doors and the crumbs he was forced to give you were tearing you apart. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
“You’re a shitty liar.”
“Look, sweetie,” you sighed, opting to not use his nickname in a public space again. “I’m fine. I’m stressed at work, and you guys are busy. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“Okay.” Jungkook sounded unsure. “I’ll see you soon, hopefully?”
“Yeah, yeah. You will.”
Hanging up the phone, you felt guilty. Lying to Jungkook wasn’t something you did often. For the sake of Section F. Claus X, you did.
-
“You’d be okay with five kids, right?” Taehyung’s question drew your attention away from the television. He was half buried in the obnoxious amount of blankets on the bed. His hair was back to dark, the hair longer in the back. Your fingers paused their exploration of his almost mullet, twisting the strands. “I still want five.”
You angled your brows. “What about watching Attack on Titan in bed while you rot your teeth with candy sparked this conversation? Was it the giant monkey titan slaughtering the scouts?”
“Beast titan,” he corrected with a soft smile. He wasn’t looking at you, but his eyes were intense as the shadows of the tv danced across his face, ripping into another piece of candy. “I don’t know, laying here with you doing things that we like made me think about it. I know you agreed before, but I wondered if you changed your mind.”
“Not really. I don’t have siblings- I think I would like my kids to have some.”
He nodded, nuzzling your wrist. You rolled your eyes, stroking the hair at the base of his neck again, almost making him purr. “Good. I would compromise for you, but it’s good to know we still agree on our future.”
The words were on the tip of your tongue but you refused to let them loose. The future for you and Taehyung wasn’t very clear. You were nearing the end of the two-year nondisclosure, the memory still hot in your mind of the night you had to sign it.
A simmering anxiety settled over you as the termination date grew closer. You weren’t supposed to sign another one, but with how big the group had become, something deep inside your gut was warning you. Don’t get your hopes up. Don’t let them full you.
The thoughts turned your mood sour. You pulled your hand from Taehyung, murmuring that you were tired. Rolling over on your side, you settled further into the blankets. You were safe there. No rules, no clauses, no sections. At least, not while you weren’t having sex. There were still technically plenty of ways you could breach contract next to Taehyung.
Moving the bowl of popcorn from in between you, Taehyung laid on his side, pulling your back to his chest. You didn’t have to ask- you can tell he knew something is wrong. Instead of pressing you on the matter, he kissed the back of your head, tightening his arms around you.
You sniffle. “You shouldn’t eat candy before bed.”
His laugh shakes through you. “I love you, Swan.”
“I love you too.”
-
Taehyung had been crying. You could tell the second you walk into your apartment. You had been dreading getting home all day. Taehyung’s silence throughout the day was an omen to the folder sitting on your counter when you walked in the door.
Quick to his feet, Taehyung began to walk to you, an apology on his lips and silver tears in his eyes. You brushed it off, pulling open the drawer in the kitchen to find a pen without a cap. You flipped to the last page- the packet was thicker than before, but it doesn’t matter. With a neat scribble, you signed your name on the line and dated it.
“I’m going to shower,” you murmured.
You began to walk toward your room before back tracking and fishing around your purse. Taehyung watched, wordless and haunted. You produced a crumpled, but intact paper crane. You didn’t bother with the red paper. This crane is your seven-hundred and twelfth. Wordlessly, you walked to Taehyung, pulling his hand to you and placing the bird in his large palm before walking into your room, shutting the bathroom door behind you.
-
Your mouth was hot against Taehyung’s as you pinned him to the couch, hips grinding down on his. He groaned, hands exploring underneath your dress, gripping the flesh of your ass. The kiss was all spit and teeth and tastes subtly of wine, the room spinning. You couldn’t get enough of him, pulling him closer and biting his lip playfully, earning a sharp smack on your ass.
“I love you,” he growled, fingers tracing on over your thigh between your legs. He pressed against your damp underwear, making you whine. “And this wet fucking pussy.”
“Yeah?” You kissed down his neck, mindful of your teeth. Always mindful, even drunk. “I’m gonna fuck you with this wet fucking pussy until you’re fucked stupid, birthday boy.”
“Fuck, take your clothes of, Swan.”
You obeyed him, leaning up and tossing your dress, careful not to disturb the eight-hundred and eighty-eighth crane on the coffee table.
-
The time difference between Seoul and Las Vegas was fucking brutal. You were trying not to fall asleep, smiling into the phone as Taehyung showed off his outfit, showing himself off in the mirror. You bit your lip, wishing you were there. He looked delicious, heart and a variety of other parts of you craving him.
Having him far was painful. Not being able to go with him was just an added sting.
I asked if you could go.
They said no.
Yeah. I’m sorry, Swan. They said no.
“You look fucking perfect,” you murmured, yawning. “Go win that Grammy, yeah? You deserve it. I’ll be watching, okay?”
“Go to bed, Swan.” He laughed, flipping the camera back to himself. He really did look beautiful, the violet suit making his tawny skin glow. You don’t mind that the contacts lightened his eyes, but you always preferred the dark, mysterious gaze of the man you loved.
“Not a chance,” you yawned. “I’m going to watch the love of my life win a Grammy.”
-
They didn’t win the Grammy. You struggled through the teary phone call. Hearing Taehyung disappointed and fractured was difficult. Hearing him upset when you were swallowing down a rage so hot it nearly burned you was harder.
The entire time you listened to his soft voice on the other line, you stared at the screen. The Korean media were going apeshit for Taehyung’s flirty performance with Olivia Rodrigo.
You didn’t care about that. You didn’t give a single fuck what the media thought. Taehyung had been dating you for eight years. He wasn’t going to randomly date someone else- someone far younger, at that.
It wasn’t jealousy you felt. It wasn’t the green-eyed monster poisoning every thought, digging up repressed anxiety, repressed feelings. It was the fucking audacity of the company. The fucking balls they must have had to decide that it was okay for dating rumors if it was Olivia Rodrigo.
The internet was a mess. Every fan account, every space was exploding with theories, with people wondering if Taehyung was dating the singer. Rumors. Assumptions. Theories. He was allowed to be sexual on camera. He was allowed to flirt in the public eye. He was allowed to be suggestive.
As long as it wasn’t with you.
Because Taehyung being rumored to date a Grammy-nominated- now Grammy-winning performer was more desirable than Taehyung being rumored to date his childhood friend. It was better than Taehyung possibly dating a no one. From nowhere.
From nothing.
-
Going to Taehyung’s apartment was a rare luxury for you. You knew it was because he heard it in your voice when he landed. He invited you over immediately. You had to follow specific instructions- had to obey certain laws mandated by your millionth NDA- or at least what felt like it.
Pouring rain made it easier to enter the apartment building through its private, back entrance. Though Taehyung lived alone now- a deep wound that you were still nursing after being denied the right to live with him for over two years- you were surprised to find him by himself in the apartment. Even after trips, Jungkook and Jimin liked to cling to Taehyung as though the trip wouldn’t end.
Candles were burning in the home. They smelled like smoked vanilla, a favorite. Kicking your shoes off at the front door, you wandered through the vaguely familiar home. It wasn’t your home. There was nothing inside it to suggest you existed. No pictures. Nothing tied to your name or likeness.
But there were at least the paper cranes. On the kitchen counter, in his room on his nightstand, in shoe boxes shoved in his closet. You knew they were there, but it was a small comfort. Hardly enough to douse the building inferno the last few weeks.
Taehyung got up from the couch, smiling brightly at you. He paused when you didn’t rush to him, his arms dropping along with his facial expression. The same, haunted look he had been wearing the past few weeks traveling back and forth from North America returned.
A small part of you hated yourself for this. You hated making him feel tired. You wanted to be better. You wished you were a better person. You hated that you nagged him, you hated everything about what you contributed: grief.
So why were you standing there angry and silent? Why did you come all the way to his apartment in the rain just to crank the Jack-in-the-box again.
“You’re upset.” He didn’t phrase it like a question. Fuck he sounded so tired. “What did I do?”
“You never do anything.”
“So… you’re upset because I didn’t do something? You’re going to have to explain that to me.”
“I have before, Tae.” You ran a hand through your damp hair. “I’m upset and- fuck it isn’t your fault, exactly. You- you didn’t do something but I’m still fucking angry.”
“You’re not making it any clearer.”
“Why do you get to have rumors about you dating some American popstar but you can’t date me?” Taehyung tilted his head, confusion written on his face. Of course he hadn’t thought about it that way. “Why- why do you get to flirt with her for a performance, but not me?”
“Are you seriously jealous? Baby, we’ve been dating for eight years, I have no interst in her.”
“No,” you waved your hand, blowing away the accusation easily. Because it wasn’t jealous of that nature. It wasn’t jealousy that you thought Taehyung had affection elsewhere. It’s jealousy that he’s not allowed to do that with you. “I know you’re not into her.”
“Then what is this about?”
“You’re not allowed to date me, so why are you allowed to fake date her?”
Taehyung took a few steps in your direction but you make a sound, taking a few steps back. If you let him tough you, you knew the argument would be over. But you needed to speak your peace. You had to get out the ugly, oozing thing that had settled in your chest like an infection.
“I’m not fake dating anyone.”
You shook your head. “I didn’t mean it like that.” Taehyung still looked confused. Your hands worked together, fidgeting as you began to pace. “I mean- the entire point of the nondisclosure is that so people don’t think we’re dating. No one can know, no one can even guess. So why is it okay for people to think you’re dating her? Why can you be sexual with her? Why can you openly pretend with her and it’s okay, but you can’t be real with me?”
Taehyung opened and closed his mouth. You watched as several emotions flit across his face. You hated seeing the confusion and the slowly changing features as he grasped the root of your problem.
You felt like the nondisclosure wasn’t about Taehyung. It was about you.
Licking your lips, you continued, voice rising slightly. “The agreements I sign? They don’t limit you. You can be sexual online, you can be suggestive, you can go out with girls as long as they’re of social standing, or they’re pretty. You can- you can be rumored to date anyone and everyone, but I can’t do anything.”
“Swan…”
“No!” You said firmly. “Let me finish! I have been signing those fucking contracts for eight years. But it’s never been about what you’re represented by what you do. It’s about me- because anything I do can’t reflect on you. You can’t be seen with me. You can’t love me. You’ve had plenty of dating rumors- they helped you dispute them but they laughed them off. They weren’t worried about it.”
“I get it, Swan-"
“No! You don’t! Because I’m not allowed to love you, and they’re never going to let me. So what the fuck am I supposed to do?”
The rain outside was fit for the mood. You stood in the living room, the sound of the world muted beyond the trickle on the window. White light from the tv danced across Taehyung’s face, shifting his features from shadows to swaths of silver. His eyes were watery as the streets below the apartment, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he stared at you.
Your heart was a staccato as he murmured, “So what is the solution, then?”
“I don’t know, Taehyung.”
“Well you seem so adamant on insisting there is a problem, you must have thought about ways to solve it.”
His tone was accusatory. His voice wavered and his blush-pink lips trembled. You rarely ever made Taehyung cry, but he was on the verge. A knife twisted your windpipe and you curled your fingers in the hem of your shirt- his shirt.
“You seem to think about this night and fucking day,” he snapped. “So what would make you feel better? Or are you only good at thinking about everything wrong instead of everything we have that’s right?”
“Don’t speak to me like that.”
“Then tell me how to fix it!” The volume of his voice startled you. In the years you had been together, you couldn’t recall Taehyung ever raising his voice at you. Not while fighting. Not while you were upset. “I don’t know how to fix it if you don’t tell me.”
“I don’t want to be a secret anymore.”
“Baby…”
“You asked me how to fix it. I’m telling you what I want. No more hiding. No more pretending I don’t exist. I have been doing this for almost eight years.”
“You know I don’t control that.”
You stared at Taehyung, the last eight years stretching between the two of you.
Not being allowed to take pictures. Not being allowed to visit him at work. Not being allowed to travel with him. Not being allowed to invite him to your family holidays.
Never being able to take pictures. Never being able to go on dates. Never being able to tell people you were in a committed relationship.
No freedom as a couple. No shared apartment. No end to the NDA in sight.
Never never never. The answer was always no.
Your eyes rested on the red paper crane on the coffee table. It was faded with time, the first paper crane you ever made him. The irony was not lost on you that the first time you gave him that crane, he was looking at you with tears in his eyes, the same way he was now.
You’d folded Taehyung hundreds of paper cranes full of hundreds of wishes. Hundreds of ways to say you loved him. Hundreds of ways to say sorry.
But the myth was that you only received a wish when you folded a thousand cranes. But you hadn’t folded a thousand paper cranes yet.
Maybe that’s why it wasn’t working out. Maybe that’s why your voice cracked when you said, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
“Don’t you dare fucking say that to me.”
With a wild gaze, Taehyung stormed across the apartment toward you. You didn’t flinch- you knew he isn’t going to hurt you. He would never. But you were startled by the anger his face. Taehyung was emotional, but the heated gaze and the untethered rage there was new.
“Look me in the eye and tell me you came all this way in the rain, hours after I got home to break up with me.”
You wiped at the tears pouring from your eyes furiously. You didn’t know what you came here for. All you did was upset him. Again. You made him want to cry. Again. There was no paper crane to fix this fight, nothing to mend what you knew was out of control.
So why were you so fucking mad?
“I don’t know what I came here for.”
“That’s fucking bullshit.”
“It’s not! I don’t know! All I know is that this is unfair to me. Did you know there’s a section about unplanned pregnancy in the last NDA I signed?” The anger bleached from his face. It was the first sign you should have lowered your voice, but you didn’t. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. Because you never read them- don’t have to read them. If I had an unplanned pregnancy, your company could fucking bury me.”
Taehyung shook his head. “Look, it’s for protection, but it isn’t like that-"
“It is like that. If we break up, I legally can’t go to an entire list of places that you frequent. If you ended things with me, I’m required to turn in any possession of yours that I have, anything that could tie us to you. There is an entire secondary document for a breakup.”
You licked your lips, tasting salt. You didn’t realize you were crying so freely. The rage had left Taehyung as swiftly as it came, and he was staring at you with something worse: heartbreak. Because even though you were a victim, he was too. It wasn’t his fault. But he was being punished by you for something out of your control. Out of his control.
“I love you, Taehyung,” you promised with a whisper. “Desperately. Hungrily. Achingly. I am greedy for your time and your affection at every moment. But this,” you gestured to the general area around you. “This isn’t… this is half of a love life. I’m not telling you that it isn’t enough- but it isn’t fair. And I just… I don’t know how to do this.”
Only a few feet stretched between you. The gap yawned forever. There was no way to close it, no way to reach him. You covered your hands with your face and you cried. Unapologetically, with abandon. You could taste the tears and tried to stop, but it was hard to breath.
You worked yourself into a frenzy, gasping with the sobs. Taehyung was there, despite the heated exchange, despite not knowing how to fix it. He held you as you sobbed, body tired and wracking. It felt like there was no end. Like you couldn’t catch a breath.
Taehyung sat you on the floor, trying to talk you through it, trying to help you breathe. But there was no comfort- not really. Not when you were this lost on what to do. Not when you were allowed to love him.
-
It felt as though your eyes had been on fire for a week. Things with you and Taehyung were strained at best. You weren’t broken up, but you were… distant. You asked for time and space to figure out what you wanted to do. Taehyung, unsure of how to answer you, had agreed.
That was the thing about Taehyung. He bent where he could. He bowed when he needed to. But the situation between the two of you was a legal issue. A professional issue. Taehyung couldn’t say no to one of the biggest parts of his life. And you didn’t want to ask him to.
So it left you at an impasse. It left you drifting, unsure what to do with yourself.
Routine kept you going. Work. Exercise. Read a little. Watch some TV. Game with Jungkook based on the rule that he wouldn’t tell Taehyung and you wouldn’t talk about what was going on. As soon as he broached the topic, you ended the discord call.
It wasn’t up for discussion.
A week went by like that, drifting through life. You spoke to Taehyung at least once a day. On the best days, it was a short exchange making sure you were home and you were okay. On the worst days, it was a simple I love you. I love you too.
It was starting to weigh on you that you didn’t have an answer. You felt like you were on the road to more tears shed as you walked into the apartment. You knew you needed to do something to distract yourself. Anything.
Pulling a drawer open in the kitchen you grabbed stacks of paper. Colored paper, patterned paper, foil paper. It didn’t matter. Your vision grew blurry as you pulled the sheet off the top of the stack, fingers moving out of habit. You knew every crease. You knew every line. You folded the first paper crane with near blind obedience.
Your fingers worked a second one. Fold the wing. Crease the neck. Your second paper crane was done with tears streaming down your face, unable to see the result of the tear-stained paper. It didn’t matter. You knew the folds the way you knew you loved Taehyung.
Fold after fold. Crane after crane. You folded and moved on. Folded and cried. Folded and screamed.
By the time it got dark in the apartment, you stood at the kitchen counter, blinking, staring at the work of years and years of practiced hands. Years of love, years of wanting.
You counted the cranes. Frowned. Counted again. And then laughed. Laughed until your palms were pressed against the cool counter, laughed until your stomach hurt and you were crying again.
It had taken a little over eight years, but you had folded one thousand paper cranes. A thousand paper fucking cranes for the most wonderful person you knew. For someone you wanted a single wish for.
It’s not a swan, it’s a crane. My mom gives them to me when I’m sick.
I’m not sick.
Well, feeling sad is a lot like feeling sick.
Feeling sad was a lot like feeling sick. And giving Taehyung that tiny, red bird had fixed something in him that day.
Without thinking, you grabbed an empty grocery bag, sweeping the cranes into them and shoving shoes on your feet.
-
Slamming your fist against the door was the first reckless thing you had done in eight years. It felt so fucking good, panting outside Taehyung’s apartment as you repeatedly hammered your fist against the door. You didn’t care if someone came out and saw you. The time for caring was over.
The grocery bag full of cranes swung wildly on your arm as you knocked. Taehyung ripped the door open, expression wild as you stormed in, pushing past him. He fumbled after you, questions bubbling to his lips as you marched into his living room. The little red crane was still on his coffee table.
You spun to face him as he caught up with you, brows pinched. He was in pajamas, obviously having been asleep. You vaguely realized it was after midnight.
“What are you-"
“I folded a thousand paper cranes for you,” you breathed, thrusting the bag in his direction. He tentatively took it, eyes flickering from the animals shoved in the grocery bag back to you. “A thousand of them over eight years. They say if you fold a thousand paper cranes in a lifetime, you get a wish or good fortune- I don’t fucking know. But I folded a thousand for you because I loved you- because I love you. And I’m sorry. If I can fold a thousand paper cranes, I can do this.”
Taehyung’s brows raised further as a mile began playing at the corner of his lips. You pushed on, words rushing out of you like a broken dam. “If I can fold those fucking birds while I’m crying my eyes out blind, I can do this for you. I- it isn’t easy for me. It hurts a lot, but… it isn’t about me. It’s about us, and it was unfair, and-“
“Swan,” Taehyung said gently, setting the bag on his kitchen counter.
You didn’t notice, staring at your feet as you continue rambling, “I don’t want them to hide me forever. But I get it, and I need to be strong for you. For us. So I folded these, because I’m sorry, and I was wrong-"
“Swan,” Taehyung announced loudly, drawing your attention to him, your mouth hanging open.
What you saw on his face surprised you. Warmth. Pure, unfiltered softness as he looked at you, radiant as ever. He crossed the space between the two of you and you reached out instinctually. “Are you done with your speech?”
“Um, I guess?”
“Good. I was going to call you tomorrow at normal hours, but I guess it’s a good of a time as any.”
Your brows pinched at the tilt to his mouth, the way he cradled your face. His eyes were bright, and he was humming with the heat and energy of a thousand suns. “Is everything okay? Wait, did they reverse the Grammy Award, because while unheard of, that would make sense and-"
“No more NDA.”
Silence. And then, “Huh?”
He folded his mouth slightly to hide his laughter. He pulls you in by your face, pressing your chest against his. His breath is warm and sweet, hinting that he was eating candy again before bed. “I had a very long talk with the company. They are dissolving your nondisclosure. I should have your new papers agreeing that it’s null and void tomorrow.”
“Null and void?”
“Yep.”
“Dissolved?”
His laughter is a spring morning. “Yes, baby.”
“The nondisclosure.”
“I love hearing you ramble but fuck please kiss me. I’ve missed you.”
You kissed him feverishly. Every reservation you had went out the window. The fabric of his shirt twisted in your hands as you moved your mouth slowly against his. His lips were perfectly shaped for yours, his fingers crushing your skin as he pulled you to him. Taehyung licked your bottom lip, opening the seam of your mouth, groaning into you as his tongue explored the new space.
The world was spinning. Taehyung’s mouth was warm and his tongue moved languidly. You didn’t know which way was up or down. There was just Taehyung and his tongue brushing the roof of your mouth, his heart pounding wildly against your chest.
You broke apart, chests heaving. Taehyung’s lips chased yours as you looked up at him with half-lidded eyes. He placed a chaste kiss on your lips before peppering your jaw with delicate kisses, burning a path to your throat. You tilted your head back, baring the flesh of your throat to him as he nipped at the tender flesh, tongue soothing the sharp pain quickly. You let out a moan, making Taehyung groan.
Taehyung hoisted you into the air. You wrapped your legs around his waist. You felt like you were floating as he carried you to the bedroom. You hit the mattress and he was on top of you, leaning on his forearms which were placed on either side of your head, supporting his weight. Taehyung buried his face in your neck, teething and licking at any skin he could find.
Your hands explored Taehyung’s body. You pulled at his shirt, the material unmoving as you yanked at the hem, a wanton noise escaping you when you said, “Off. Take it off.”
Taehyung’s mouth left you next for a moment, shrugging out of the shirt. He was a work of art. He was beautiful under the delicate touch of your fingers, his skin hot to the touch and shivering where your fingers ghosted over his flesh. He shivered again and again as you touched him and let out a throaty moan into your mouth.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “You’ve got hands made to touch me.”
“You’re beautiful,” You whispered, hands roaming his skin. He caught one of your hands in his, sitting on his knees and leaning back from you as he kissed the pads of your fingers, your palm, your wrist. Your fingers danced up the long stretch of his torso, marveling at him.
It was like Taehyung was cut from marble, artfully crafted by the hands of an artist. His abs flexed under your touch, muscles jumping.
“Beautiful,” You murmured again before he stole your lips in a bruising kiss.
Taehyung gripped the hem of your leggings and pulled, sliding them down your legs. He kissed the newly exposed flesh, drawing moans from your lips as you arched into the touch. His lips were dangerously hot on your thighs, your calves.
Kissing his way back up, he grabbed the shirt and pulled it off your, Taehyung gazed at your naked form writhing under him for a moment, teeth caught between his lips. He descended on you, taking a nipple into his mouth and lavishing it while his hand slipped to your underwear, fingers dancing along the waist of the thin material before hooking his fingers in them and pulling. You pulled your legs up, helping him discard the material.
You could not stop the moans leaving your mouth now. Taehyung’s teeth pulled at your skin and you arched your chest into his mouth, begging for more. Your thighs rubbed together for friction, entire body shaking with what his touch was doing to you. You were overwhelmed, the entire world on fire, lit by his hands, his teeth, his lips.
A blazing trail of fire followed Taehyung’s lips as he kissed and licked his way down your stomach. Your hands rubbed up and down his arms which held your hips in place. He settled himself between your legs, kissing and biting your inner thighs. You could feel your core dripping with heat. Your breath hitched as Taehyung placed kisses closer and closer to the apex of your thighs.
Taehyung looked up at you, hands smoothing down to push your legs down, exposing you to him entirely. His hands slowly made their way down your body before dropping to where you wanted him most. He licked his lips and groaned appreciatively.
“Soaked for me, baby?” His voice had dropped an octave. You shivered again, head swimming. Taehyung had you spinning in another world entirely. “What a sweet fucking pussy.” You moaned. He blew air lightly onto your clit and you yelped, hips bucking against his firm grip on you. “I wanna hear your voice, Swan.”
“Yes,” you groaned. “Fuck I want you so bad Taehyung. Put your tongue on me.”
“Fuck,” he whispered. “Say less.”
Your moan came out hoarse, stuck in your throat as Taehyung flattened his tongue and licked your pussy from top to bottom. You could not stop shaking, body reacting to Taehyung on an anatomical level. You were nearly crying as his tongue worked up and down, licking your folds and clit with a hot, eager tongue. Your hands found purchase in the sheets, twisting into them.
It was like his tongue had a mind of its own, circling around your aching clit in a tantalizing motion that left you desperate to keep his face close. His name was falling from your lips in a prayer as he took you entirely into his mouth, sucking hard. The noises he made were messy and lewd but it spurred you on, hips trying to grind up into his mouth.
“Fuck- oh my god-” you stuttered. “Please don’t stop.”
His chuckle vibrated through your bundle of nerves, sending you into a fit of moans and whines. “I couldn’t stop if I tried.”
Taehyung licked a fat stripe up the center of your pussy. “You taste like the nectar of the gods baby,” he hummed. His tongue worked your core and you bucked into his mouth again. “Fuck this pussy is perfect.”
You felt your orgasm curl in the deepest part of your stomach. You shook under Taehyung’s ministrations. You yelped when he spit on your clit, the sensation startling but making you moan louder as he dove back in. Taehyung ate you out like a man starved, messy and skillfully, drinking you in. You were near tears as the white hot lightning of your orgasm struck. Your muscles clenched and you seized into the mattress, thighs screaming in agony as you tried to close them. Taehyung didn’t stop. He licked you through your orgasm, alternating between licking, sucking and biting your pussy.
“Holy fuck,” You cursed. You were seeing stars behind your eyes, squeezed shut so hard that you could nearly see the entire cosmos laid out before her. You couldn’t stop trembling as your hands tore at Taehyung’s hair, trying to get him to ease up on the overstimulation threatening you. “Fuck me,” you begged. “I want you to fuck me.”
Taehyung’s mouth came off your clit with a lewd pop. He looked up at you, his eyes nearly black. His pupils were dilated, a predator zeroed in on its meal. “Yeah?” he asked. His tongue darted out for a single kitten lick against your clit, making you buck. “I can eat this pussy all fucking night but if you want me to fuck you, I’m going to fuck you.”
“Yes,” you whispered. “I want to feel you inside of me.”
Taehyung obeyed without protest. He stood, never taking his eyes off of you as your fingers traced patterns on his skin. He removed his pajama bottoms, dick springing free. You made a sound at the sight of it, thick and long, head weeping with precum. Your mouth watered as your hand slipped between them, fingers dancing along his velvety shaft and gripped, pumping him a few times.
“God- fuck, Y/n.”
Your name sounded holy in his mouth. You squeezed lightly, your thumb running over the head of his cock and spreading his precum. “Say it again.”
“What, baby?”
“My name.”
“Y/n,” he moaned. Hips bucking lightly into your hand. His hands rested on your knees as you worked him with your small hand, face tilted to the sky. His hair fell back from his forehead. You watched him, open mouth and fascinated by the way your name fell from his lips. “Fuck-hmmm- I told you these hands were made for me. Fuck, Swan-”
Without warning he broke your contact with him. Taehyung lunged at you, catching your lips with his. You could taste yourself on his tongue and you didn’t care, fingers tangling in his hair. One hand held his weight above you, the other skimming down to guide him to your dripping entrance. You moaned into his mouth and he stole it from you, swallowing the sound as he rubbed the head of his cock in your messy folds, making you whine.
Taehyung’s mouth left yours and he kissed down your chin, your jaw, your neck. He settled in your neck, fingers twinning in the hair at the back of the nap of your neck. He pulled slightly, an appreciative tone leaving your mouth as he breathed against your bruised neck.
“I’m going to fuck you until you can’t take it anymore,” Taehyung growled.
You gasped as Taehyung thrusted into you without warning. You were thankful for the orgasm he’d given you with his mouth- he slid in easily. You felt your walls clenched around his thick girth, stretching you as he slid to the hilt, bottoming out. The sound that came out of your mouth was foreign and loud. You couldn’t breathe as Taehyung pulled back out and slammed in again, shifting you up the bed slightly. He held your body to his as he set a slow, hard-thrusted pace.
Every time Taehyung thrusted into you, he stole your breath away. You were gasping for air. His cock rubbed against every part of you, sparking pleasure so intense you weren’t sure you were even in the present anymore. You were somewhere else and it was just you and Taehyung and the feeling of him moving inside you. It was addicting. Your nails clawed at him as you screamed, legs wrapping around his hips as he pistoned into you, setting a faster pace.
Taehyung was shaking above you. His breath was hot in the shell of your ear, his shaky breath littered with curses, your name and other slurred words you couldn’t understand. He fucked you down into the mattress so hard your body was bouncing up to cut his thrusts short, making you scream in pleasure.
Lifting his face from your neck, Taehyung kissed you again. He didn’t give you a second to breathe properly, mouth ravishing yous with kisses so deep it felt like he was trying to swallow you whole. He let go of your lips and leaned back, so that he was kneeling, your hips lifted from the bed as he fucked into you at a new angle. You heard a scream of pleasure, belatedly realizing it was yourself.
“Fuck- dammit Taehyung, don’t stop,” You begged.
His hands held your hips as you thrusted up to meet his pace, thighs burning with the effort. “Fuck baby,” he growled, eyes darting down to watch as his cock disappeared into your pussy. “I could fuck you all night. Your hands, this pussy- fuck- made for me. Fuck.”
Taehyung’s hair was wet now, a couple of strands dripping with sweat, droplets trailing down his temple, some down his jaw and jaw. His neck, you wanted to bite it, it looked so thick and delicious, his Adam's apple bobbing when he swallowed thickly. His torso looked even more defined, every single muscle straining and pulling to fuck into you with all his might. His hands, big as ever, gripped your thighs so tight his knuckles turned white. He gripped them even tighter for leverage and pulled you closer the same time he pushed hard-
“Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck-” Your hands scrambled to grab onto something, only finding purchase in the soft sheets that did nothing to anchor you against his ruthless movements. “Taehyung! Fuck baby!”
You struggled as another orgasm crested, a wave roaring in the distance. You touched him anywhere you could; thighs, stomach, arms, chest. You couldn’t help but fall silent as you pushed yourself into the bed beneath him, not able to breath, the tension in your stomach building and building and building, so intense that words were beyond your ability.
Taehyung groaned. “Gonna cum again, Swan?” There were tears in your eyes as you nodded, breath stuck in your throat. “Squeeze my cock then. You’re so good for me, cum on my cock- fuck like that.”
The world beyond your orgasm vanished. You were sure you were in Heaven as Taehyung fucked you through your orgasm. Nothing came out of your mouth made sense as your body stuttered underneath him. Faintly beyond the roar of your orgasm, you could hear Taehyung cursing as he ruthlessly slammed into you. You felt spent and like your limbs were no longer able to move as the orgasm fell, a wash of trembling and tingling settling over you.
“Fucking hell,” Taehyung moaned, looking down at you. “I’m so in love with you. Nothing will ever make you doubt how meant you are for me again.”
You couldn’t answer him. He flipped your over and you felt like you were knocked into another plane of existence. His cock left you for a moment as you caught your breath, tears running into the mattress as you tried and failed to prop your ass in the air. Your thighs couldn’t bear your weight, orgasm turning your bones to jelly.
Taehyung kissed up your spine, stopping to nip the shell of your ear. “Don’t,” he whispered, kissing your shoulder. “I got you.”
Both of Taehyung’s arms snaked around your waist, hoisting you to your knees. Your chest was heaving. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and splayed a large hand on your collarbone, pushing your sweaty back firmly into his chest. His heart was beating so hard you vaguely wondered if he would go into cardiac arrest. The thought was fleeting, Taehyung sliding back into you from a new angle.
“Oh,” you breathed.
Taehyung was true to his word. He held you up firmly against him, holding your weight so that you wouldn’t fall back into the mattress in a puddle. You leaned your head back against his shoulder, one hand gripping his hand at your collarbone for purchase and the other at his forearm around your waist. His hips fucked you harder than before, slamming to the hilt each time. His breath fanned against your exposed neck.
“Feels so fucking good,” You moaned, eyes closed as you melted into him. “You feel so fucking good Taehyung.”
“Yeah?” he asked, licking her shoulder. “Fuck I can’t get enough of you. I love you.”
“I love you,” You gasped him, nails digging into his skin, leaving little crescent moves.
“I love you- you’re such a good girl, taking my cock like this.” Taehyung’s hands left you and you fell forward, unable to support yourself. His hands went to the dimples in your back, pushing you further into the mattress. You were pliant underneath his hands, though you thought he would break you in half. “Fuuuuuuuck.”
Slurs and incomprehensible language fell from your lips. You couldn’t move under the full weight of him. You thought he had fucked you roughly before but this was harder. His hips bruised your ass, slamming so hard that you were crying out in pain and pleasure. He was ruthless, the pressure of his hands on your spine pressing and demanding.
Filthy words left his mouth. You continued to spiral out of control. In a few moments another orgasm lingered on the horizon, pacing back and forth as it built. You were nearly crying, wiggling underneath him as you fought off the sensation building in you. You felt like you couldn’t orgasm again or you would cease to exist, the pleasure so threatening and hard you weren’t sure if you were speaking at all.
“Come on, baby,” Taehyung urged. “One more, can you do that for me?” You nodded, though you weren’t sure. “Fuck, this pretty pussy is mine.”
The next orgasm sent you somewhere faraway. You scream was in the distance. You knew you were shaking and you were clenching so hard you saw white behind your eyelids. Every muscle in your body spasmed and you stopped breathing.
Taehyung trembled above you. His fingers dug harder into your skin. It would leave bruises in the morning. His pace became sloppy and he grunted, curses twisted with your name as he came, his hips losing their rhythm as his body trembled. He slowed and stopped, collapsing on top of you, gasping for air. You didn’t mind his crushing weight, the way his sweaty skin stuck to yours. You were were still numb, trembling lightly. Darkness hovered on the edge of your vision, swelling and threatening to sweep you to sleep.
Rolling, Taehyung pulled you to him. His lips whispered against the crown of your head. I love you. You’re perfect for me. I’m sorry you were hurt. I’m sorry I waited so long to talk to them. I will spend forever making it up to you. Please never forget that I love you.
As you drifted in Taehyung’s arms, you smiled spotting a red paper crane on his nightstand.
“By the way,” you whispered, half asleep. “Stop eating candy before bed, Taehyung.”
He laughed and kissed your cheek.
Your wish had finally come true.
-
Famous K-Pop star from BTS was recently spotted and confirmed to be dating a childhood friend. Vocalist Kim Taehyung, known better by his stage name V, has broken hearts of millions across the globe. For more photos on the happy couple enjoying their date at a five-star restaurant…. -
Taglist: @amores-mis ; @lllucere ; @disquietedvibes
My absolute 2nd favourite ❤️🔥❤️🔥
