plus qu'hier

dream a little dream of me violette ☾ she/her

[softykooky]

sanctuary: seven

summary: the absence of you is a void that they never thought they’d have to experience again. they were fine before they met you. but the sky would fall before the boys would be fine after you’ve gone. 8.03k words.

genre: mafia au, ANGST, poly au

pairing: ot7 x reader

warnings (READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION) :  toxic and dysfunctional familial relationships, mentions of domestic abuse (physical and verbal), swearing, ptsd & trauma, poor mental health, mentions of anxiety & panic attacks, eating problems, alcohol abuse, abandonment issues...

rating: NC17

author’s note: okay I lied there’s going to be another part! I just couldn’t fit all that I wanted and I figured it was better to give you guys something now instead of making you wait another century for me to wrap up the story. please let me know if I forgot anyone in the taglist! please let me know what you think, and I hope you enjoy!

♡ series masterpost ♡ 

Just leave.

Just leave.

Just leave.

Like a cruel rhythm or a drum that keeps on beating in your chest to remind you of the pain that rips through your heart. 

You’re such a fool, Y/N. 

Should you blame them for growing tired of you? Even snapping at you like they did, or did you deserve it? It was so easy for you to wither back into the mindset your father had trained you to adapt at the slightest intrusion. Now, after that massacre in the kitchen with the people you trusted with your whole being, you weren’t sure if it was possible to think otherwise. 

Through the warm tears that have clouded your eyes, frantically stuffing the little belongings you have into a backpack is otherworldly difficult. Your heart hurts. Your soul hurts. Your entire being hurts and you can only wonder how many times a person can be pushed aside and unwanted until they just completely break. You wonder how close you are to that point. 

There’s anger running through your veins, cocktailed with devastation and confusion, but you’re not sure what it is you’re angry at. Were you angry at them? Could you ever be angry at them, even after they did something like this? You weren’t sure what to feel anymore, but that wasn’t important. 

There was one objective in sight: pack up and get the hell out before you let anyone else completely destroy you. 

But even then, you can’t help but to think about how they hadn’t even bothered to come after you. None of them did. And it ignites a different fire of pain that you’re finding harder to ignore. You’re halfway through shoving your shirts into the backpack when a soft voice sounds from your doorway. Jun is standing there, fiddling with her apron and warm sympathy on her face. 

“Y/N, sweetie, they’re just...maybe give them some time. Please don’t go”, Jun sighs. 

“No, Jun. They don’t want me here anymore”, your voice cracks at the realization. “I’m not going to stay and be unwanted. I won’t do it again. I-I can’t.”

When the last item is tucked into the pocket of your bag, you swing it onto your shoulder. The weight of the backpack feels as though it’s pulling you deeper into the ground. Like you are sinking and there is nothing you can do but wait until your head is submerged. 

“Jun…” you breathe out, wiping away a warm stray tear, “could you...could you tell them that I’m sorry? I-I’m not sure what for, I guess for everything. But could you just tell them?”

Jun nods solemnly, though the reluctance is clear on her expression. Even she can recognize that you have nothing to apologize for. “I will, honey. Are you sure about this?”

“I have no choice, Jun. I love them and I-” you cut yourself off. 

This is the first time you’ve been able to say it out loud. You love them. You’ve fallen in love with them and the timing could not be worse. But all in all, you consider yourself lucky. There was no way you would have recovered if you confessed and all seven of them inevitably rejected it. Perhaps this fight just saved you the great pain of knowing they cannot love you back. 

“And I need to go.” 

You’d have to leave before dinner. Through the back door.  The one that no one thinks you know about but as always, no man gives you nearly enough credit as you deserve. You’ll tell the guards you’re going out for a walk and pray they don’t question the overstuffed backpack you’re hauling. You’ll just open it and run and…

Find a new home? A new life? Find a new set of souls that will cherish and care for you and make you feel like you’re actually meant to be in this world? 

You love them. That much you know is true. And perhaps people like you weren’t meant to have love in this world. 

“You’re excused, Lee. Be grateful you’re still here.” The venom in Namjoon’s voice remains clear as day, even after your ungraceful departure from the kitchen. You had left so abruptly with so few words that they weren’t able to even try and stop you. 

They still can’t see straight through the searing anger that pulses through their entire being. Anger at the world, and the traitors, and the idiotic rookie that lost them thousands in shipments. 

But the anger at you had faded a long time ago, the moment you bolted out of the kitchen and up the stairs. However, the boys were nothing if not stubborn. Why did you have to get in the way of their business? Why couldn’t you just remain kept away, for them to keep safe and away from the dangers of the outside world?

Jimin is the first one to make a move to the staircase, up to where you were packing, trying to be stealthy until the leader catches a glance of him. 

“Jimin. Stop. Just let her cool off”, Namjoon sighs, pinching the space between his eyebrows to relieve his tension headache. He was usually the sensible one. The leader of the pack telling everyone to keep their cool. But the load on his shoulders has been getting far too heavy and you were the light breeze that caused it to collapse. 

“You should wait to calm down before you talk to her, anyway. That vein in your forehead might pop out of your skin”, Hoseok snidely remarks. 

Jimin scoffs, running a hand through his hair for the umpteenth time that day. 

“Everything we’ve been doing has been for her best interest. Why is she making this so difficult?”, he exhales, frustration still licking at every word. But with a mere glance at Jimin, anyone in the room could tell that he truly held no antipathy towards you. That his words were coming from an unresolved pool of anger that had been bubbling away for ages.

“You don’t think she means it, do you?”, Taehyung mutters, eyebrows still creased in intensity. “The leaving part?”

“Where could she go Taehyung? We’re all she has at this point”, Yoongi speaks. A layer of irony coats the room as Yoongi remembers the words he had spat at you in the heat of the moment. A vicious declaration to tell you to leave, and he feels a string of guilt twining itself around his lungs. He numbs it away, of course. As he does everything else. 

Jin takes a deep breath. “Listen, we’re all stressed and sleep-deprived. Why don’t we just calm down separately and talk it over at dinner? I’m sure by then, this whole thing will be completely forgotten.” His words sound sure and steady. Jin hopes they don’t notice the worry that bleeds into his voice. 

A chorus of agreements and hums quietly sound across the room as the seven of them shuffle out of the kitchen and slowly saunter into their respective rooms. And as they tiptoe past your bedroom, where your door was shut tight, the boys can’t help but feel the rationality that has begun to trickle back in. The logic and reason that had abandoned them during the fight had slowly returned, and the thought of you on the other side of that door made them all want to barge in and hold you again. 

Maybe they overreacted. Maybe they were wrong. Pride, however, was a stern mistress, and the potential consequences of their actions hadn’t yet reached their thoughts. They hadn’t realized the poison of their words.

 They would wait a bit longer. 

Everything would be okay after dinner. 

The first thing you realize after leaving is that you chose the wrong pair of shoes to attempt an escape on foot. Of course, you had to be wearing the new ones that the boys just bought you that hadn’t been broken in yet. The heel was digging into your skin painfully, undoubtedly leaving red marks and calluses. Your feet ached with every step, but you had to soldier on. At least until you found somewhere to rest for a bit and figure out where the hell you would go.

 A glance down at your phone has you eternally grateful for your past self for remembering to charge it. Hopefully it would last you until you found somewhere for the time being. 

There was no more family in the country besides your immediate ones. And you’d rather swallow knives than go back to that. The thought of them makes you sad though when you remember Soyeon.

 You wonder how she’s doing. The things she’s been up to. Is she shopping as much as she always does? Is she happy? Does she miss you? The train of thought makes you scoff at your own patheticism. Even after everything, you couldn’t find it in yourself to hate her. You would always love your sister. 

The Bangtan manor hadn’t been as far away from the city as you had thought. On the other hand, you weren’t exactly paying attention to the time. Just let your feet carry you where they wanted to and stared blankly at the passing ground, trying to empty your thoughts as best you could. The sky was beginning to darken and the wind blew a bit colder but you refused to let it slow your pace. You couldn’t let yourself feel. Not yet, anyway. 

The first motel you see is the one you enter. It’s not grand by any means; more of a fixer-upper. The wallpaper was peeling, the carpet reeked of age and dust, and the receptionist was chewing gum and scrolling absentmindedly on her phone. The place was a dump compared to what the likes of you tended to live in. But you had limited cash, and this would have to do. 

It takes you three times clearing your throat for her to notice that a customer was at the front desk. 

“Hello. I’d like a room with one bed, please.” 

She doesn’t hide her blatant scrutinization of you, visibly looking you up and down with something akin to disapproval. Her phone is tossed on the counter annoyedly and she snaps her gum, wheeling her chair closer to the computer and clacks away on the keyboard. 

“ID and payment, please”, she drones, holding out a hand without sparing you another glance. When she looks at the card you have placed in her palm, there is a spark of recognition. The Yoo family name. She must have seen your name in the paper or something. The ambassador’s daughter. In a place like this?

You are eternally grateful when the receptionist says nothing; just hands you back your card and dangles a key from her red-nail polished index finger. You two exchange no more words. The only sounds in the lobby are the clinking of the metal key, the padding of your footsteps on soft carpet, and the smacking of the bubblegum between her lips. But it is enough to begin to allow the loneliness in. The fear of it all. The uncertainty and utter devastation that you have left behind the one place that had just started to feel like home. 

When the door of your motel room closes, and it is just you... 

You with the clothes on your back, the necessities in your bag, and all the feelings you have kept bottled up for weeks on end. It is more than easy to collapse in a cathartic heap as soon as the lock clicks in place. 

Who cares if the walls are paper-thin? You scream it out on the undoubtedly dirty floors. The agony of being so close to happiness only to have it ripped away from your hands. The pain of knowing them, only for them to push you out of their lives. 

You don’t weep for anyone else. Not the seven boys you loved, not Soyeon, not your father, not Jun. 

You cry for Y/N. 

You cry for the realization that maybe the thing you’ve been chasing your entire life is simply not in reach. That peace was something you had to fight for, completely alone. That they don’t love you back, or even nearly as much as you loved them. If they did, you wouldn’t be here, desperately trying to hold yourself together for what seems like the billionth time. If they loved you back, well...you reckon that reality only exists in your surreal dreams. 

There were distant cousins. In the states. And if you could get a hold of them, you had faith they would be willing to fly you over. You could spin an excuse at the drop of a hat. Maybe something about wanting to see America for a while and get away from your normal routine in Seoul. Something about needing space or enjoying time with missed relatives. They’d believe it. You’ll leave as soon as you can, hopefully in the morning. 

Naturally, this night is sleepless and you swear the sky is darker than usual. It’s starless, and even the moon is nowhere to be seen, hidden behind overcast clouds and you want to cry even more. Because after everything, is it still too much to let you feel the light? Is it still too much to let you rest under a gentle nightscape? 

You make a promise to yourself. To Y/N. 

You wouldn’t let her chase after pipe dream happiness anymore. You wouldn’t let her be so naive, so hopeful for something better. You’ve had your chance at finding it, and after more bumps and bruises, have come to the conclusion that maybe it merely does not exist for you. 

You promise her a lifetime of loneliness and solitude. But those are familiar things. Comfortable things. And you would take that over a broken heart any day. 

As soon as they fell onto their respective beds, all seven of them had drifted off to sleep. It seemed that days of constant work, chugging black coffee, and pulling consecutive all-nighters had taken its toll, and the boys finally caught up to the pure, unadulterated exhaustion. 

The seven of them slept through the night, plans of dinner completely forgotten as they glued themselves to the comfortable bedding. Unfortunately, with needed rest came a clear mind and the realization that they had been completely and utterly horrible to you ever since it all went down. 

Jungkook is the first to wake up. He brushes his teeth and slips on an outfit with a rapid fervor, ready to put everything behind him and just...hold you. Because he realizes it’s been weeks since he actually has, and maybe that’s just the thing he’s been needing. To feel your frame in his arms and hear your soft breathing. 

“Taehyung! Get up!” Jungkook pounds on the door of his hyung’s room. He hears shuffling from the other side, and a rustled bedhead emerges from a dark cavern.

“What Jungkook? It’s too early for this”, he grumbles, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

“Hyung we all slept like the dead through dinner. I’d rather not let this whole thing with Y/N marinate for any longer. Get up and let’s talk it through, I know you miss her like crazy too.” Jungkook does his best to keep his voice down since you were still sleeping in the room beside Taehyung’s. He has to round up all of them first before asking you to come out. 

So he does. Sweeps his floor and the one above to awaken the other six men. Jin and Namjoon were the only others who were dressed and ready to tackle the day. The rest of them moved like zombies to rid themselves of the sleepy fatigue. 

Somehow, they all manage to congregate in front of your door, nervously staring it down while the tension in the air choked them. It’s unnerving. The radio silence coming from your room. You must be really upset, and reasonably so. Hoseok clears his throat, twisting his hands together out of nerves, and glances at the others. 

“Well? Should I knock?”, he whispers. The other six nod solemnly, glaring at the door like it might combust at any moment. 

He steps forward gingerly and raps on your bedroom door thrice. The seconds trickle by like molasses, even slower when there is no sound from your end.

 He knocks again.

 Nothing.

 A third time. 

Complete and utter silence. 

“Y/N?”

Hoseok’s eyebrows deeply furrow, and with trepidation, he twists the doorknob and swings it open. The bedsheets are made, duvet untouched and pillows stacked neatly against the headboard. The curtains are drawn and everything looks fairly clean. Almost as if there was no one in there in the first place. Now that he looks closer, the only sign of you being there was the vase of brown and wilting peonies on the bedside table. The ones they had gotten for you months ago. Even your scarce amount of belongings were nowhere to be found. 

In the ache of the silence, nothing can be heard but their utter shock. Their minds jumping to the worst conclusion but still in denial because there’s no way that you would do that. No way they could have lost you when they all loved you so much. 

“M-maybe she’s in the basement. Or the library. I’m sure she didn’t….she hasn’t….”, Jimin cuts himself off as he drifts off into all the terrible possibilities. Namjoon yells at the guards downstairs from the second floor, and the sounds of their rushed footsteps to find you in this giant house is the only noise that reaches their ears. 

“Jun!” Taehyung hollers down below, where she is undoubtedly fussing away in the kitchen or slaving over a boiling pot. The woman calmly emerges upstairs with a sharp gaze, head held high and shoulders stiff in her posture. There is no emotion on her face, except the faint disappointment as she stands in front of the seven men.

“Where is she?”, Yoongi growls, stepping forward like a huffing beast, but Jun remains unbothered.

“Where is who?” Jun monotones. 

“Don’t play dumb, Jun. Where is Y/N?” She scoffs at the concern dripping in Yoongi’s voice. How ironic that the very person who maliciously told you to leave was now in pieces at your absence. 

“I was surprised you even noticed. It’s not something you’ve been doing as of late. Noticing”, Jun calmly retorts. She’s never been one to be afraid of them. Never scared to stand up to them, because though they were grown men, they often still needed some mothering. 

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Jungkook spits, frustratedly gripping at his hair.

“Is it not true, boys? Y/N’s been practically invisible to you these past few weeks. Who knew it would take a mere fight to finally get you guys to pay attention to her.” Jin’s reflex is to immediately respond with an argument. But the words die on his tongue when he realizes the truth in Jun’s statement.

The seven of them stare at her in silence, still high-strung on stress and anger, but intent to listen to her words. 

“She left.”

The two words that they had been so desperate not to hear sound like a death knell when they fall from Jun’s lips. Their blood runs cold, and the temperature in the house drops to subzero. A moment frozen in time and all they can do is be forced to come to terms with their actions . The room immediately explodes into desperate questions and exclamations to their head housekeeper.

“Where is she? Did she say where she’s going”, Hoseok tearily yells.

“Did she leave a note?” Jungkook chews on his lower lip until it bleeds.

“When did she leave? She couldn’t have gotten far.” Jimin grabs Jun by the shoulders, forcing her closer as if he could look in her eyes and pretend she was lying.

“Excuse me if I am speaking out of turn, Sir”, Jun clears her throat, “but what did you think was going to happen?”

The seven of them are stunned into silence, swimming in utter confusion and worry about where in the world you could be. If you were in danger at all. 

“She’s been left by herself for weeks. In this big, cold house while you all were wrapped up in your business. Tried talking to you so many times, but you all pushed her away.” Jun sighs disappointedly.

Her words ring with truth, and perhaps that is the most painful part about it all. The boys can’t do anything but stand there and listen. You were dear to Jun, and she wouldn’t let the fear of standing up to her intimidating bosses keep her from saying the things you didn’t have the courage to. 

“Y/N, she...she’s been struggling. Did she tell you that? Wouldn’t sleep for days, so I sometimes snuck melatonin into her afternoon tea. But still, she’d come out of that bedroom with dark circles that almost looked painful. I’m surprised you didn’t hear her toss and turn all night, Taehyung.” Jun spares him a glance. Not malicious or accusing. Just genuine curiosity and it makes Taehyung want to burrow himself into the ground. 

Namjoon’s heart drops as Jun continues speaking. How could they have been so oblivious to everything? So out of touch and wrapped up in other priorities that they seemed to completely forget about you? Arguably the most important person in their life. 

“Sometimes, she even refused to eat. Couldn’t even stomach a cup of soup, and she’s gotten so thin, I had to tailor all her clothes.” 

Jin’s eyes widen at the statement, his throat in knots and the sinking feeling in his gut only magnifying. Like ice water to warm skin. That’s how Jun’s words felt to their system. Like they had been so blind this entire time, so distracted by everything else that they forgot someone who had become one of the most important people to them. 

“Forgive me for speaking my truth, sir. But I’ve never quite felt such disappointment when I heard the things you said to Y/N yesterday. A-And I don’t condone her decision to leave. But can you blame her?” Jun sighs, exasperated as her worry for you seeps into her consciousness. 

Jimin pushes away the tears that have clouded his eyes, looking down at the marble floors so that no one sees the gloss that wasn’t there before Jun started speaking. He pretends not to notice the way Jungkook’s tremulous and shaky breathing, or the way Yoongi’s fisted hands have turned completely white from the tension. All he can think about...all they can think about...is you. 

Hoseok coughs, clearing his throat and steeling his voice to not show emotion. “Did she tell you where she was going?”

Jun shakes her head solemnly, twisting her apron in her hands. The boys begin to make their way downstairs, tension in the air thicker than ever and only one priority clear in their minds.

“However…”, Jun’s small voice stops them in their concentrated footsteps. “While she was packing, she told me to say one thing to you all.”

It’s expectant. They almost don’t want to hear it at all. Hearing it would affirm that they are completely undeserving of you. That you are an angel among beasts whose love language is to destroy and wreck. That maybe leaving them would be the best thing to happen to you. 

“She told me to tell you she’s sorry. For everything.”

Everything is what you deserved. Everything is what they would do to prove that to you. 

Korea from the view of your aunt’s private jet was a bittersweet revelation. It was beautiful. So achingly and hauntingly beautiful with the ghosts of your past and the shattered promises for the future. If you squint, you could still make out remnants of the Han River. Traces of a place that seemed to cry for you as you left for the states.

You didn’t want to be truthful to yourself. You didn’t want to admit that you wouldn’t miss Korea because of the people or the landscape or the weather. You’d miss it because they were there. That home had been so close you could nearly taste it. 

The trip was a chaotic blur. You faded in and out of sleep, in a hypnotic trance that proved to be your body’s self-defense mechanism to repress every emotion you had felt since you left. Stewardesses offering you flutes of champagne, drivers loading and unloading your luggage, the words of everyone around you flowing in and out like a stream of water that you ignored. 

“I trust everything is to your satisfaction, Y/N? Really, you must come visit more often. Your uncle and I have missed you terribly.” 

Your aunt had always been a kind woman. She was from your mother’s side, and like everyone else, so oblivious to the true nature of the Yoo family. How sinister things truly were behind those closed, gold-plated doors. Their house was grand, large enough so that you could make yourself scarce and wouldn’t be a disturbance. Though you couldn’t help but to notice the lack of boyish voices drifting down the hall, or the rhythm of Taehyung’s hands on the keyboard in the room next to you. 

You offer a kind smile to the butler, who gently sets your singular backpack on the plush bed that screamed out your name. 

“Thank you so much for everything, Aunt Kim. I promise I’ll transfer over the money for the plane fees and carry my weight around here for the time being.” 

Your words make you nearly wince with the uncertainty of your wobbly plans. Where would you even get the money? Ask your father? Ask them? 

“I....I promise to be out of your hair as quickly as I can”, you shakily breathe, failing to convince yourself. Yet your aunt only holds a kind smile and a warm gaze.

“Stay as long as you want, dear. It’s the least we could do to repay everything your family has done for us over the years. Especially your father.”

You know you cannot blame her oblivion. Not when it is such a well-guarded secret. Yet her words douse kerosene to the fire in your chest. Tugs at the stitches of the subconscious wounds you have yet to heal. It makes you remember them. Your boys. How they would burn at hearing such words, grit their teeths and spit poison at anyone who held your father’s name in a high regard.

Or would they? After everything, you’re not so sure anymore. Painful or not, it makes you miss them even more. 

So you smile. Bite your tongue, hold your fists at your side, and thank her again for the kindness she has shown you when you had nowhere else to run. America felt different. The air itself seemed like a culture shock. Being the ambassador’s daughter had prepared you for fluency in English and how to carry yourself diplomatically, but the journey ahead was bound to be rough. 

For the first time in your life, you would be the only one you had to care for. Not Soyeon, not your mother, not Bangtan. You’d have to do this by yourself, now, and though all the emotions you have locked away will inevitably return to confront you, this sanctuary for now would have to be enough.

You were surprisingly more difficult to find than the boys had expected. Traveling alone with no clunky belongings meant you were able to move more quickly than they had anticipated and the motel you stayed at was paid for in all cash. However, nothing in the city could really happen under Bangtan’s watch, and here you were. Video footage displayed on the screen of their basement office, and they can only feel heartache as they watch you through the screen. 

“She checked out in the morning. Got picked up by a gray SUV and taken to the airport.” Taehyung drones, eyes still glued to the screen. Like looking at your pixelated face would bring you closer to him somehow. He missed you. They all did. 

“The plane’s not registered with any public company, so I’m guessing it’s a private one belonging to her family.” Taehyung adds on, leaning forward in his chair to rest his elbows on the table. The air was tense with frustration. Anger at themselves and at each other for letting his happen. For making you run away. 

“Any idea where it’s going?” Yoongi quietly murmurs from the end of the long table. 

“America.” 

America. You felt so discouraged and hurt by them that you had to go all the way to America. They did this. This is their fault.

“So? What are we waiting for? Tell the guards to prep the jet to America. We’ll bring her back”, Jimin gawks at Namjoon, who nurses a glass of scotch like it’s his lifeline. The room falls silent awaiting their leader’s course of action, but the six of them are left speechless when Namjoon himself starts laughing. The kind of laugh that sends chills down their spines. So raucous yet emotionless. So full of hidden pain. Namjoon tips the rest of the glass down his throat, looking at them all with a hopeless expression. 

“What makes you think she wants to see us? After what we put her through? Hell, I’d be surprised if she lets us within a 10 foot radius.” Namjoon’s words are cruel, but they can’t help but to believe it to be true. 

“N-No. She’ll understand that we were stressed. I-If we just explain everything, I’m sure she’ll-”

“Don’t you remember what happened in the kitchen? What Jun said? She’s been withering away for weeks, Jimin, and none of us gave enough of a fuck to notice. We made her feel invisible.” Namjoon chuckles, but there is only pain in his tone. One that he drowns out with another swig of top-shelf whiskey. 

“We can fix it. We can go to America and fix it”, Hoseok stares down the leader, insistent on making efforts. 

“No we can’t Hoseok”, Jin’s brows furrow, eyes lighting with fire, “Jun said she didn’t sleep. She didn’t eat. I wouldn’t take us back either.” 

The boys know better than to take it personally. They were all heartbroken in the wake of your leaving, so desperate to get to you yet ashamed of themselves, apprehensive of if they even have the right to chase after you. 

Jungkook leaps up from his seat, chest huffing and hands raking violently through his hair. He paces back and forth, eyes swimming in hurt and frustration until it all seemed to combust through his body, flinging his office chair to the side to find any form of catharsis. 

He spares a poisoned glance over to Yoongi’s direction, who still sits with his eyes glued to the floor, as if ashamed of his mere existence. 

“You.” The malice in Jungkook’s voice is crystal clear.Yoongi’s shirt collar is acquaintanced with Jungkook’s fisted hand, and he grips onto the older man like a viper to its prey. As if blunt force could make you come back. The other five boys could only watch. 

“You did this. You told her to leave. Now she’s gone. I loved her, Yoongi.” Though Jungkook’s words are pumped with antipathy, the sheer devastation is heard most through it all. Yoongi doesn’t fight back. Doesn’t even make a move to push the younger off or shield himself from oncoming hits. Just sits passively with a monotone expression, staring into Jungkook’s eyes with a blank gaze.

“You’re not faultless. You yelled at her too.” 

No, none of them are faultless. And perhaps Yoongi’s words were the nails in the coffin, but they all had part in pushing you to that brink. Jungkook’s eyes gloss over with defeat, and the grip he had on Yoongi’s shirt loosens. He steps away, unable to meet any of the gazes of his older brothers or the footage of your distressed face on the flat screen monitor. Leave. That’s all he’s known to do.

“Jungkook?” Yoongi holds no anger in his voice. It stops Jungkook in his tracks as he waits for his hyung to finish. 

“I loved her too. We all do.”

They can only pray they’ll get to tell you. 

The diner two blocks away from your aunt’s apartment complex is the last place anyone would expect Ambassador Yoo’s eldest daughter to be, much less employed at. You had spent the last two weeks scouring the area for a place that would take a girl with no prior work experience, a pending student visa, and no contacts or references. But here you were, working a minimum wage job and saving every penny to make something of yourself in this entirely new country. 

It hasn’t been easy. Trying not to think about the seven boys that you left back home. The seven boys that you love so desperately and hopelessly, and foolishly thought they felt the same. It’s in the wee hours of the night that you toss and turn, closing your eyes and imagine yourself back at their manor. You will your brain to manifest the clacking sounds of Taehyung’s keyboard from across the wall or the footsteps of Yoongi’s bulky shoes when he walks past your door every night. 

You miss them compulsively so. And perhaps they do not deserve your thoughts or heartache, but it belongs to them. Even after everything, you still belong to them. But you won’t give yourself the luxury of thinking you mean more than someone who they took pity on. 

The days are the same. You get up early in the morning, put on a pot of coffee by yourself much to the disapproval of the housekeeper. Though it’s baby steps, you feel more independent this way. The coffee is terrible, of course, but it’s the thought that counts. 

You leave before your aunt even leaves her bedroom, dedicated to your full-time job and earning money whenever you can. The pay is almost humorous, and a week’s worth of your labor probably equates to what Soyeon spends in a day. But it is your work. Your money. And though everyday starts and ends with heartache and longing for a life you once had in your grasp, it feels refreshing to learn to only need yourself. 

“Y/N”, your manager sighs as you stumble through the door with frazzled hair and painfully dark under eyes. “You’re late.”

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry. Traffic was insane this morning. It won’t happen again.” Your hair is expertly swept back into a haphazard bun, fiddling with the apron around your waist before jumping to the orders that have begun to get cold on the counter. 

The work was simple. Slow. But it was honest and enough for you. The diner was calm; a refreshing environment from the one you had in Korea. 

“Here you are, sir. Black coffee and a side of toast”, you muttered in a sugary sweet voice, fake smile stretched on your face to hide the perpetual pain in your chest that has not went away since you left the Bangtan house. It’s easier these days to just not think about it. To completely repress the trauma of your father and the boys and the failed therapy. The smile drops as soon as you turn around to walk back to the counter. 

“Rough morning?” Lina’s voice is gravelly, rough from the coffee and 15-minute smoke breaks she takes every lunch. 

“Something like that.” You collapse onto the cashier counter, holding your head in your hands to will away the pounding ache of your temples. 

“First it was me completely sleeping through the morning alarm. Then it was the bus detouring and making five extra stops they usually don’t”, you huff.

“Y/N?”

“And don’t get me started on the fact that I decided to drop my phone in a puddle when I was running here.”

“Y/N.” Lina’s voice cuts through your venting monologue. She stares past you, as if there was something behind you captivating her attention. 

“I think someone is staring at us from across the street.” Your brows furror at her words, whipping around to the window. When you see him. The air in the diner thins until it completely disappears, and the breath is stolen from your lungs. 

Your paled face and shaking hands is what he sees from where he’s standing, clad in a black hoodie that covered his head, but you could recognize him in your sleep.You are both frozen in time and chaos, staring at each other like you both did not belong. Eyes glued to the other like you are both too good to be true.

 Are you imagining it? Through the tears that reflexively pooled in your eyes and the way your body quivers, are you finally going insane and imagining a person who has been plaguing your mind for weeks? 

Your feet carry you into action when your mind is still stuck in shellshock, bursting out of the diner doors with desperation on your tongue, hands reaching out as if it would span across the streetlight and bring him closer. 

“Jin?” You are not quiet. You scream his name across what feels like a chasm, but is only just a couple meters away. Your legs usher you into the open street, and cars veer and honk to avoid your form, frozen on the crosswalk. 

It takes you one second to blink and him one second to disappear into the crowd. Like he was never there at all and your mind was playing cruel, evil tricks on your already crumbling soul. A ruse that Lina was in on, just to torture your decimated spirit. 

Could you allow yourself the luxury to think that he had come to see you? You didn’t know if you even wanted him to, didn’t know if you had it in you to forgive and forget.

“Jin.” 

It comes out as a shaky whisper under your breath. A broken voice that longs for something she cannot have. Something that was so far in space and time it now felt like a figment of your imagination. You allow a tear to fall, your heart to crack a bit more, and return to the diner.

“Where have you been running off to these days?” The words are snide. Coated in feigned concern and curiosity and meant to be a jab at Jin’s recent absence in Bangtan activities. They are easy to fall from Yoongi’s lips as he steals another swig of the McKellan whiskey he’s been saving up for a special occasion or a rainy day. What more fitting than to mourn the space in his heart where you used to be. 

Jin stays silent, only giving the intoxicated Yoongi a heavy eye roll and trudging past him. To say that the seven men were in terrible shape after your departure is a gross understatement. But Yoongi’s onset alcoholism seemed mild compared to how the rest of the boys were faring.

Both Taehyung and Jungkook haven’t left their rooms since finding out you were in America, only the sounds of their computer keys, heavy footsteps, and the empty food plates left at their doors to signal that they were alive in there. Namjoon had thrown himself into work, picking up the slack of all the other boys and sometimes emerging from his office at the early hours of dawn looking like he hasn’t slept in a week. His gaunty face and the way his once fitted shirt now falls loosely on his shoulders tells Jin he hasn’t eaten much either. 

Hoseok could more often than not be found in the training room, breaking and bruising himself to numb him from the pain of losing you. He takes it out on the poor gang recruits that were unlucky enough to be chosen to spar with him. 

And Jin? Well, Jin spent his days away from the house. Away from the business and the drugs and the people. He never tells anyone where he’s going or when he’s coming back and they are all too drained to try to ask. The boys live together but not truly. Just exist and breathe in the same space and too resentful of themselves and the others to fix the fragments you left behind. They miss you. Long for you and burn for you like they never have for anyone else. 

See, it’s one thing to not know where you are and be forced to be away from you on the basis of ignorance. But to know your exact location, have the time and resources to easily get to you, yet can’t come to you because they’ve hurt you immeasurably is a different kind of torture. A different kind of ache that haunts their souls at every waking moment. You are so close and so far away, and they only have themselves to blame for the distance. 

“Jun, can you make a meal for Namjoon? I’ll take it up to him.” Jin sighs to the housekeeper, shedding off his coat on the kitchen stool. 

Jun nods knowingly, fully aware of the effects your absence has had on the masters of the house. And she is not blind to Jin’s indifference or the way he is doing worlds better than the others. 

“He’ll probably try to yell at me and make you go away first. But he’ll be thankful eventually.” Jin nurses a cup of tea to warm him after his journey. Ones that he takes every week and for days at a time. 

Jun nods again, assembling a tray of food that Namjoon will undoubtedly leave to get cold either at his door or the end of his desk. Before he leaves, however, Jun spares the man a knowing glance and a sad smile. 

“You may want to return the private jet more promptly next time, sir. The others have gotten...wary.” 

Jin’s eyes widen at her words, frozen for a millisecond in his footsteps as realization strikes in that he hadn’t been as inconspicuous as he thought. He says nothing as he departs from the kitchen. Only stares at the marble floor and wonders what would be the next time he’d get to see you. Even if from a street’s distance. 

It takes four syncopated knocks before semblance of a noise emerges from behind Namjoon’s closed door. It comes in the form of an angered grunt, but Jin is no stranger to his leader’s brunt. He opens the door with no further permission. 

Namjoon is in worse shape than he had expected. His hair is another level of unruly, greasy and matted and looking like the man ran his hands through it a billion times. The paperwork strewn across his desk and floor reflects the mess in Namjoon’s own head. Like he is suffocating himself in his work but still finds breath in his lungs. Still finds you in his thoughts. 

“You need to eat”, Jin states demandingly. Namjoon only hums in response, keeping his eyes glued to the work in front of him. Jin pushes the tray into his line of vision.

“Eat, Joon. You can’t work if you starve. Y/N would want you to eat.” 

Your name makes his pen stop writing. Makes his eyes widen like he hasn’t heard it said aloud in ages. It’s pathetic to Namjoon, really. How much one person has affected him.

“How would you know what Y/N wants, Jin? How would any of us?” He sneers, resuming the scribbling on his paper. Jin sighs dejectedly, opting to leave the food on his table and not be bothered with trying to help someone who so clearly didn’t want to be helped. He turns around to leave. Until Namjoon opens his mouth again. 

“Unless….”, he teeters, “you do know what she wants.” He tosses the pen and papers aside, crossing his arms and sitting back in the desk chair. 

“Unless you’ve been going behind our backs to see her.”

Had he been turned around facing Namjoon, the younger would have seen the clear exposed truth on his face. The blatant and unhidden look of guilt and shame that he quickly masks once he whips to face Namjoon. 

“What are you talking about?” 

The responding statement is quick. Too quick. Too accosting. Namjoon squints his eyes. 

“Only the several days these past weeks you’ve disappeared from Bangtan’s radar. The bills for the jet fuel sent to my directory. The pilots you’ve been pulling away from our forces in Korea to personally tend to whatever shady business you’ve been hiding under my nose.” 

Namjoon’s words are rapid fire, piercing into the facade that Jin thought he had so carefully crafted. He should’ve known nothing goes unnoticed under the leader’s eye. 

“Namjoon, I-”

“Just be glad I didn’t tell the others. Especially Jungkook.” The thought of the youngest makes him sigh. Jungkook has always been so volatile. A ticking, emotionally-charged and codependent time bomb hiding under that muscle and masculinity. Namjoon knew better than to expose something like this just yet.

When he looks up at the man standing in the doorway of his office, he’s looking straight past him. Through the window like it was you he saw in the sky. Observing him now, up close and with more attention, Namjoon finally gets to truly see him. 

On the surface, Jin is faring worlds better than any of them. He’s clean and freshly showered, hair coiffed to perfection like it usually is. He dons a black button up; perfectly ironed without a crease in sight. But Namjoon knows him better than that. Jin looks so utterly drained it stirs sympathy in even the darkest of hearts. His eyes communicate something his words can’t: Seokjin is completely lost without your light. 

“I’m sorry.” The words come out breathily. Like he’s been waiting to say it all this time but couldn’t. 

“I just…”, he stares down at his hands, “I just needed to see her. See if she was doing alright after we…” Jin trails off, not able to face the truth of their actions just yet. And though there is lingering anger in Namjoon, he can’t help but to feel his distress vicariously. 

“You know, she’s a waitress now. At this small, run-down diner downtown. With a cute little apron and everything”, he chuckles softly, sadness seeping in every word. 

“She lives with her aunt and uncle, and walks everywhere because she doesn’t have a car, at unholy hours of the night which keeps me up every night constantly worrying about her. But that’s Y/N, isn’t it? So careless of her own safety and well-being.” 

Namjoon refrains the smile that creeps on his face at the thought of you. 

“She was smiling when I saw her. I could still see she was sad but she was smiling. Like she always does just so other people feel happier around her.”

“Jin, you don’t have to-”

“And she’s lost so much weight, Namjoon. She was trying to yell out for help and all we did was ignore her.”

Jin’s words are nails on a chalkboard. Vinegar in wine. It makes them both nauseous and rueful, and the oxygen in Namjoon’s office suddenly becomes all too suffocating. Your presence, or lack thereof, has left a heavy residue on the walls of the manor. 

The two boys sit in silence for a moment, before the sound of thumping boots on hardwood flooring echoes down the hallway, getting louder as it approaches the office. The door is nearly taken off its hinges as it violently swings open. Taehyung stands in the threshold, sweat on his brow and chest huffing up and down like an overexerted engine. He is pale in the face, hands trembling at his side and the sheer shock in his gaze tells the two older men that the words preparing to slip from his tongue are not going to be pleasant. Jin and Namjoon brace themselves for impact. 

“It’s Y/N”, his whispered voice quivers. Their hearts drop. 

“There’s been an accident.” 

taglist:  @pinkyhim​, @deolly​, @loveyoongles​, @drunkzseok​, @hope122598​, @uwunamjoon​, @nomimits7​, @bubblebunnylia​, @aquaalanah​, @juliie-ocha, @daydreambrliever​, @btsbabby​, @blank-et-noir, @myheartstaysinkorea, @rosiethefairy​, @tiredjedi, @lovemyself-persona​, @jeoncookie-bts​, @annoyingpessimist​, @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​, @fangirling-all-the-way-tbh, @btstxtgenre, @taesugaar​, @hxsxxk-180294​, @bubbletae7​, @uglyratlmao​, @hopetookmysoul​, @supertweetycherry​, @missseoulite​, @barbikatherine​, @jamesfrickingbuchananbarnes​, @sunsetsnsirens-blog​, @vanilla-smash​, @lmaosani​, @onionhaseyeo​, @i-dumb-bitch, @euphxriajoon​, @justpeachyjoon​, @dabbingangels​, @h5naaa​, @parkmaeri, @softescapism​, @bena-baby, @myjiminmychimchim, @moments-of-melancholy​, @krystle1990​, @chatsgotmytongue​, @vi-hoshi​, @unlikelylittlemiss​, @rosey-roseau, @thestrugglesofateenagedirtbag​, @kookiebbyxx​, @thebleuprince​, @dreamer95​, @jinana-iactium​, @holaaaf​, @small-babycat, @h0bi-c0re​, @katbonv​, @embrace-themagic​, @jiminmochee​, @fanoffandomss​, @mwitsmejk​, @mrsfortune1306​, @raadia​, @kookima​, @bonesfordayss​, @dinoboysindahouse​, @jiminie-lovely​, @queenceline22​, @jikooksgirl19​, @somewhereinthestarss​, @kookieskiwi​, @lynnfanficreblogs​, @vintageroses10​,

[softykooky]

hiya! haven’t heard from u in a hot min so i just wanted to stop by and say hello and wish u a happy holiday season since winter holiday season officially started a few days ago! <3 :)

Hi!! This is such a sweet message :,))

I've been actually MIA for the past few months, and I'm so sorry. I've just been taking some time to heal and recuperate from some things. I know so many people must think I've abandoned my stories, but I haven't!! I think about it everyday and how bad I feel for leaving you all on a huge cliffhanger for eternity hehe.

Thank you so much for being patient with me. I promise, pinkie promise, I WILL finish it. happy holidays to you too, sweet anon. I love youuu.

[softykooky]

Don't worry, you are not obligated to update if you are not feeling well lately!! We are sorry to hear that :((, hope everything goes well for you soon!! :]]

i know :( i just feel bad is all, i'm a reader too and i know how frustrating it is. But thank you!! I have faith things will get better soon :)

[softykooky]

Hello! Is everything ok? :(

hi! how did you know 😅 just feeling supa anxious lately and so grateful that people are STILL patient with me and this story, if i were the readers i would've lost interest ages ago :,)

thank u for checking in❤️ sorry i've been MIA

[softykooky]

Hey! I'm so sorry for asking this, but when will the next chapter of Sanctuary be posted? I am legit in love with the series and want more 🥺🥺

Please don't take it the wrong way though! 😩

babe don't be sorry!! I know exactly how you're feeling and It makes me happier knowing someone out there is excited to read my stuff :)

it's in the works! I've been making good progress on it and hopefully it'll be finished in a timely manner. Just some loose ends to tie up and getting the words out :)) it's been more difficult to finish this story than i expected hehe

Love u!!

[softykooky]

I STARTED READING SANCTUARY AND I'M SCREAMING OH MY GOD IT'S SO SO SO SO GOOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ahhhh thank u!!! I really do feel terrible for literally giving you guys 0 content for months at a time but :///// i'm sorry hehe,

Thank u for giving me some love, i lub u❤️

[softykooky]

how are uuuu?

i am gooood :)) thank u for asking hehe, just working on sanctuary and going on vacayyy

but how are YOU anon?

[flowerwrites06]

bow to you III — jjk

Pairing(s): King!Jungkook x Queen!OC (Name: Belle)

Rating: G | PG | M | R 18+

Type: Drabble | Oneshot | Two Parter | Series

Genre: Royal AU | Marriage AU

Word Count: 1.8k

Tags & Warnings: infidelity, cheating, lots of crying and screaming, marital problems, royal marriage troubles, jungkook is something else dude, sexual references and sexually charged scenes (non-explicit), anGST, mild force 

Authors Note: hello another edition of ‘i don’t really know wtf im doing with this series but it has somewhat of a flow so i goes with it’ series, hope you like 

In the span of two weeks, changes between the King and Queen were cold and harsh. Belle continued sleeping in her private chambers and spending her days writing or drinking tea. Other times she would handle matters of the court when Jungkook was busy building his new harem. Whether it was out of spite or tension from their new separation, Jungkook made it a hobby to bring a new starry-eyed girl into the grand building of red wood and gold tapestry.

The ache in her chest became a dull throb seeing the same scene every day. A new girl, more nightly noises in the distance and the glossed look over Jungkooks’ face during their daily meetings. It was all the same.

Belle orchestrated a private meeting with the lawmaker while Jungkook was scouring the town again. Morning sunlight painted the wooden table gold. She wore a mostly translucent pink dress with her hair tied in a comfortable bun, floral crown perched as the only piece of jewellery. “I need the laws regarding non-political separation between the royal couple.”

Her words sent an eerie silence amongst the counsel. Though their expressions weren’t shocked. Jungkook wasn’t exactly subtle in his new activities and mixed feelings suffused the air of whether their King was still in the right mindset anymore.

“Some Kings and Queens have done separations under wraps so they could preserve alliances,” Namjoon said. “So it’s lawful so long as you don’t have any legal heir.”

Keep reading

[softykooky]

I really adore this story. Lately I've been trying to read more fics in hopes that something in them will give me inspiration to continue writing my own. This story reminds me of reasons I started writing fics in the first place. I am soooo excited for where the author will continue with this storyline!!

[jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue]

Bleeding Butterflies part 5 - BTS OT7 Vampire au

I thought the last chapter was hard but this one is definitely the hardest so far and I had to write it twice! Every single comment, reply and ask I got helped pull me out of whatever pit I put myself in and inspired me to get this done, so thank you, I literally love you all, and I really hope you like it x

You don't know how long has passed when you open your eyes again, your head feels like it's full of stones but you force yourself up, stumbling towards the door.

You're not surprised to find it locked, banging against the wood in your groggy state, the sound of each pound sending a pulse of pain through your head. Your throat is hoarse and dry from the crying of when they left you, but you don't focus on that now, you focus on getting out. Someone would open it, one of the staff, someone would let you out.

"Ma'am we aren't allowed to open the door until we get word back from the Princes," an apologetic voice calls out to you.

Your fist pauses in the air for a moment, before coming down more forcefully than before. Open the fucking door.

"Miss L/n, we're really sorry, but we can't," another voice comes through, firmer than the one before.

You back away, head still full and drowsy, they weren't going to keep you here. You fumble in your steps to the balcony, trying the glass doors but they've locked them too. You glance around the room, turning on the spot to try and find something, anything to break the glass with, but they took precautions, they knew what you were like. The room was empty, only the bed remained.

As if that would stop you.

You quickly sit on the floor, leaning back on your elbows, kicking at the glass with your feet and all your strength, trying in vain to break it open. It's only when you glance up and outside you stop, freezing in fear. There’s a fire in the distance, and in the sky a winged beast breathing flames.

.............................................................................................................................

Your feet are bruised but not bleeding, but you don’t stop kicking at the balcony door, screaming desperately for someone to let you out. You had a perfect view of the chaos that ensued outside these walls and it was breaking your hope that they were alive as each second passed.

“Please be okay, please,” you cried, begging the silent air around you to return with an answer. Instead you could hear the battle cries coming closer and closer. You fall onto your back, legs still pounding at the door. “Come on!”

You had to get out before it was too late, but what if it was already too late?

The thought has you whimpering as your tears pooled to the floor, but you refuse to let it destroy you. You couldn’t give up. You muster every ounce of strength you have left, yelling into the air as your feet kicked and kicked again, until finally the latch broke, and the balcony door opened.

There’s a silent pause as everything stills, including your breathing. You did it. You wobble as you desperately try to find your feet, falling a few times as you try to stand. You wince when your soles find the floor, but you didn’t care how bruised they were, the pain was fading now that adrenaline was fighting its way through your veins. You were going to stop this.

You drag your feet to the balcony, climbing onto the ledge with shaking legs, considering your options. If you fell and died it would stop, if you fell and hurt yourself enough to bleed it would send every being into a frenzy and someone would take you or claim you and it would be over, if you somehow managed to make it down in one piece… you’ll deal with it if you did.

You didn’t want the last thing you saw to be the chaos that raged it’s way closer and closer to you, so you turn to face your bedroom. You remember the last time Jin, Hobi and Jimin were in there with you, laughing on the bed at you about something you said. The time Yoongi sat on your bed while you were reading, obviously wanting your company but making excuses.

When did captivity start to feel like home, when did this prison start to fill you with so much warmth you didn’t want to leave it? You close your eyes, they say your life flashes before you die… but you could only see their faces. You lean back, ignoring any survival instincts you had left. You don’t open your eyes as you fall, you don’t brace yourself for the impact of the ground as it catches you.

Something wasn’t right, other than a dull pain and weight on your back and behind your knees you didn’t feel anything, were you dead?

“Are you an idiot?” your eyes fly open at the growl from the man that caught you in his arms, seething like a bull about to charge, his jaw was set and his stare pierced through you with rage but you didn’t flinch under it. You didn't care he was angry with you, he was alive.

“Jungkook,” you breathe, and he feels something he’s never felt before grip your chest as it reflected inside of his own. Traces of shock, sorrow, relief, despair, but at the forefront of it all making his demeanour soften for a moment, love.

“We’re out here fighting for your life and you do something like this?” His words come out harsh as he holds onto the anger that took over the fear of when he raced here, carrying you back inside where it was safe. Thank fuck for the bond, as incomplete as it was. “I could hear you a mile away.”

I could feel you a mile away, he wanted to say, all that anguish, he never wanted to feel it again. You didn’t hear him, words dulled as you took him in, looking over him for any form of injury or damage, relieved you couldn’t see any.

His breath hitches when your fingers come to touch his face, he couldn’t look at your face, not when you looked like that. It broke down his defences, every brick in the wall that surrounded him was turning to sand.

“You’re alive,” he can smell the tears before he sees them. Scoffing slightly to try and bring you out of this pit you were sitting in, but it dies in his throat when you take his face in both palms and bring his lips to your own. His steps stop, the world stops, and for a moment he thinks he can feel blood rush through his veins, his heart tries to pump again after being dead for so long. You’re so soft, so human it takes his breath away, lips moving against yours with a newfound urgency. He craved you for so long. This was the one thing he wanted if he made it back to you, and he took it. To his surprise you kiss him harder, hands lacing through his hair as you pull him closer. Your smell, your embrace, this is where he wanted to be.

You break away from him slowly, he tries to chase your lips for more with a whine, but you push him back gently, eyes searching his own for something he couldn't read. But he doesn't get a chance to ask you.

"Where are the others?" you ask quietly, terrified of the answer. He looks away when you do, and a vile feeling wraps around you. "Jungkook..."

He can hear you pleading in your tone, the thorns of fear piercing the muscle of your heart, he sighs before meeting your gaze again. Gone is the anger, and instead all you see is worry. He shakes his head and you grip onto his shoulder to steady yourself.

“I can’t take you to them,” he admits, swallowing air with difficulty. “They won’t be able to handle the smell, it’ll turn into a frenzy with all the beings out there, we won’t be able to protect you.”

“Please.”

He looks down, contemplating the consequences. Namjoon and Jimin had retreated with Taehyung just by the borders of the estate, he was hanging on by a thread, burns completely covered his body, they weren't healing, and he refused to drink. Maybe taking you wouldn't be the worst idea, even if Namjoon was going to kill him.

"Jungkook how bad is it?" your voice quivers, imagining the worst.

"Really bad, beautiful," he admits solemnly. "Taehyung isn't doing well, he's not healing."

You don't know who's fear or sorrow you feel in your chest, both of your emotions concocting into one as you mirrored each other.

"Take me to him," it isn't a request, you weren't asking for anything anymore, no was not an option or an answer.

"It's too dangerous," he replies sternly, "Namjoon hyung would kill me."

You take his face into your palms again, making sure he couldn't turn away from you as you felt his wavering conviction.

"I can't lose you," you confess, tears starting to well up in your gaze, "I can't lose any of you."

He presses a kiss to your temple, lingering there a moment as he contemplates the consequences, he was faster than anything out there, he could always take you and run if needed, nothing would touch you. It’s the way your thumb strokes his jaw that has him nodding.

“Close your eyes,” it’s a gentle warning, he makes sure they’re closed before he moves, cradling you close so the impact of his speed doesn’t affect you. You’re tempted to open your eyes as you feel yourself thrusted forward, but you feel safe in his arms, so for once you listen.

You only dare to open them again when you feel the air still around you, peeking out from the crevice of Jungkook’s neck as you take in your surroundings… The streets were rubble, this was only the outer edges of the estate and yet the world around it looked destroyed. He places you onto your feet when you spot three figures in the near distance, steadying you until you're stable, but you don’t look away from the bodies in front of you.

As if they could feel you Namjoon and Jimin turn to face you in shock, as the body on the ground lets out a pained groan, making your feet move towards him.

"Jungkook, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Namjoon's voice held a venom you hadn't heard before, Jimin held his breath, unable to risk taking in your smell.

You and Jungkook don't stop walking towards Taehyung, not until you do what you came to.

"I know what you're thinking, but it's not necessary," Namjoon steps in front of you both, trying to get his temper under control. He grabs your wrist as you try to walk past him, feeling the warmth of your skin. He missed it, he thought he'd never get to see you again. He looks down at your stoic features, this wasn't the reunion he imagined.

You glance at the hand holding your wrist before meeting his gaze with your defiance.

"Move," you repeat his words, using them against him in the worst way, but he doesn't relent despite the way your eyes pierce through him like a stranger, he pretends it doesn't hurt.

"He just needs a blood bag Y/n, that's it," he sounds desperate for you to leave, turning to Jungkook with rage. “How could you bring her here!”

The youngest visibly winces, and you take his hand into your free one, squeezing hard.

“I asked him to bring me,” you state matter of factly.

“Hyung needs her blood,” Jungkook mumbles pleadingly, but it makes Namjoon's nostrils flare, the anger in his blood boiling beyond control. The grip on your wrist tightens.

“No,” he breathes in complete fury. Jungkook is about to respond but you’re all surprised by the arms that wrap around the older vampire, jaws dropping visibly as Jimin’s form comes into view.

“Jimin?” Namjoon sounds startled, taking off guard for a moment. Jimin pays him no attention, turning to you with eyes dead but desperate.

“Help him.”

You nod, Jungkook grabbing the hand on your wrist and pulling it away with all his strength. They both hold onto their leader with all their might as he struggles against them, rage brewing up a verbal storm, but you ignore his voice, making your way to the unmoving figure that laid on the concrete.

He whimpers when he smells you, eyes closed tight as you take him in. Burns covered his body, open wounds, bites, scratches. The others didn’t look this bad. What the hell happened? You push down the panic as you think of the Princes you hadn’t seen yet and what state they were in. You needed to focus on Taehyung.

You don’t trust your voice to speak, you’re shaking as you fall to your knees beside him, bringing your wrist to his lips the way you did for Jungkook.

"Angel no," Taehyung cries hoarsely, moving your hand away from him despite the scent that flooded all his senses. He's on the cusp of delirium, starting to lose consciousness, he knew if he lost control of his senses he wouldn't be able to resist, he needed you to leave. Where was Namjoon? He would never allow this, he didn’t want this, he fought so hard so he wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. He wanted to welcome death the way he should’ve a century and a half ago. Why were you here?

"Tae I can't lose you," you beg, voice barely escaping with the way your throat seized. "I can't. I-I... I can't live without you Tae, please."

He can’t find his voice, he wants to explain he felt the same. You came into their lives like a light, like one that should’ve taken them to whatever laid beyond, rather than live in this dark endless tunnel the way they have for over a century. He didn’t want that light to go out, he didn’t want it to be dark anymore, and he knew if he stayed in this existence it would. Call him selfish, call him a coward, but he couldn't go through that pain, he didn't want to live with the chance you could be taken from him.

"Tae," you call for him, voice sweet and he clamps his mouth shut to resist. You didn't know what you were doing to him, what you had done, he had never felt this way over a human, this unyielding urge to protect you, love you, touch you, have you. He kept his distance but he couldn't stay far, not when you intrigued him more than any being before, not when your warmth called to him to soothe his cold dead heart. He gravitated towards you, they all did, and they couldn't blame your smell or your blood, you bewitched them with your charm. They were bees drowning in honey.

"Taehyung," you call for him again, fingers running through his hair. Your voice had changed, it changed to that calm tone you had when you gained clarity over what you had to do, and from past experience it always was the opposite of what they wanted. It made him open his eyes, it relaxed his jaw, all in anticipation of what was swimming in that mind of yours. You smile to him, its sad, he thinks, but hopeful, almost apologetic... why would you be apologising?

"I forgive you for compelling me," you breathe, he can see the tears fall from the corner of your eyes as your smile grew. "I get it now, I'm sorry..."

He frowns, his head starting to spin faster as several poisons and venoms finally started shutting down his system, at least the last thing he sees is you, he could die content with that. The thought is enough to bring a smile on his face but it falters when a glint shines in his eyes from the object in your hand...

why did you apologise? Despite his disorientation, the object comes into view, the words of protest too slow on his lips, you take the shard of glass you found amongst the rubble on the floor, pressing it to your forefinger until beads of blood ran like rubies out from the cut.

“I’m so sorry,” it’s a whisper but your intentions were more than clear, he can see his three brothers attention snap to you both, moving towards you but it’s too late.

"N-no," but it was a mistake to speak, he gave you an opening, as the scent of the blood fruit filled the open air for every being to smell in the vicinity, you pushed your bleeding finger into his mouth so he was forced to drink. Like Jungkook had done before, you couldn't stop the apologies from leaving your mouth like a prayer. You didn’t want to do this against his wishes, but you wouldn’t lose him.

The consequences are instantaneous. He can feel life come back to him as strength filled his limbs once again, the irony he would laugh at later. In the corner of his eyes he could see a division of beings charging towards them, having gotten wind of your blood, but within a second they stopped in their tracks. No they hadn't stopped, they were moving, he could see it, but the speed was miniscule. He turned all his focus back to you and the finger you still held in his mouth, a single tear forming like morning dew on a leaf, everything was running in slow motion. Your blood, it gave him this strange ability, he didn't even know how he was doing it, he had just wanted to stop you.

He took you in, every part of you, every inch of you the way he never let himself before. Angel wasn't the right word, not by a long shot, but it was as close as he could find right now. And this taste of the blood that trickled down his throat, how did Jungkook not drain every last drop, he wanted to savour it, and with the world around him slowed down, he could.

He had wondered how their maknae refused the bond, it was almost unheard of with vampires, but now it started to make sense. How many cases had they heard of where the vampire was forced to feed? The ridicule, a human forcing her blood down their throats? It made him want to laugh humourlessly. You accepted the bond the second you gave your blood willingly, and now he had to make a choice. It wasn't as easy as saying yes or no, it was a feeling, a gut instinct, almost an unconscious decision out of his hands. Jungkook immediately rejected it because he wasn't in his right mind when he fed, he knew what he was doing was wrong, he didn’t want to hurt you.

Taehyung now was regaining his senses, his impulsive no was stopped in its tracks when the world came to a halt. It gave him time to change his mind, and as he gazed at you, he thought, was there ever another choice?

He could feel the bond form in a way no vampire had before, the vibration in his chest as if it were trying to beat his heart back to life, when in reality it was starting to echo the beat of yours, and he felt every euphoric millisecond of it. The way the feeling traveled outwards into every vein, every capillary until it took over him and you. He could feel every inch of you as if you were his own body, and he felt alive. Every cell was tuned into you, every string of his existence tied to your soul, and he could see it slowly take effect in you. The ways your eyes dilated as the feeling overwhelmed you, and he had the best seat in the house to watch it take place in a way no being had before.

He was yours, completely and utterly bound to you, and he loved it. He wouldn't admit it out loud but he didn’t have to, you'd feel it. He loves you, and he revelled in the fact this was as close two entities could be to each other. How did the witches describe it? A soul kiss. Everything he was scared of wanting, he had, and he no longer felt powerless.

“Hyung,” a startled voice breaks him out of his reverie, but he doesn’t take his gaze away from you still locked in his time spell or whatever this was. For some reason it didn’t effect the youngest. “Are you doing that?”

Taehyung takes your finger out of his mouth, licking the last drop of blood you could offer him. He nods in response to Jungkook, but refuses to look away. He watches your skin catch the sun, he could feel it’s warmth without it rendering him weak, it didn’t feel like it was burning him anymore.

“That mass of supernatural beings shouldn’t have come through that fast,” Jungkook says with worry, eyes flittering between the two of you and the hoard. “The Hyung’s…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence but Taehyung knew what would have filled it, their last defence was down, they were the last ones standing.

“Do you think you’ll be able to unfreeze Jimin and Namjoon Hyung?” He asks, biting his lips in distress as he watches the hoard as if they’d break free at any moment.

Taehyung caresses your cheek in the way he’s always wanted to but never allowed himself to before. You’re so warm, so soft. He wanted to ignore Jungkook, keep the world in this almost frozen state so he could stay with you longer, but the maknae was right, duty called.

This ability felt like a blanket he covered the area with, and in his mind he pulled it back to uncover his brothers who’s faces were still shocked.

“What the…” Namjoon’s eyes already get caught by the number of adversaries, jaws clenching with worry over how this would be overcome. Taehyung could see his eyes calculate what he and Jungkook already had, the others were gone, but they couldn’t grieve yet.

Reluctantly as they approached, he uncovered you from his time field, you audibly take a breath in at a normal rate, your tear finally let gravity take it.

“Tae,” you gasp, jaw dropping. In a second he went from walking through Death’s door to staring at you like he had never been in that state. How did it happen so quickly?

You feel something burst from your chest to your peripheral limbs, like a breath of fresh cold air in every cell not just your lungs. You loved him, you knew that from before but this, this was something else.

Every breath you took felt connected to him somehow, every inch of your skin vibrated in its urge to lessen the gap between you. You were pulled, gravity finally became tangible and it wanted you to fall into him. You thought you could feel Jungkook’s emotions but the mirror was fogged and dulled compared to this. This was crystal clear, like a reflection on the surface of calm water, but you weren’t watching it from the outside, you were submerged into him.

“New ability?” Jimin asked, breaking you out of your trance as he watched the hoard you had yet to see with Jungkook, on edge and ready just in case. Taehyung nods again, and again his eyes don’t leave you.

“What do we do?” Jungkook says, and you finally turn to see where they’re looking, terror starting to shake your bones and Jungkook and Taehyung could feel it.

“You two are currently the strongest, we stay and fight them off,” Namjoon comments, stare not breaking from the enemies. “I think we have a good chance, Jimin takes Y/n back to the estate and contacts the faeries.”

“Where are the others?” Of course your first thought would be to ask that, of course you would throw a spanner at anything Namjoon planned. You flinch as he moves his gaze to you, eyes piercing through you with rage. But there was something else there, a storm was growing in his eyes, the lighting and thunder a show to hide the rain. Your chest seized with ache, and you turned to the youngest two in question. It came from them. Jungkook doesn’t meet your gaze, Taehyung just looks at you sorrowfully.

“Where are the others?” You repeat your words in a whisper, terrified of the way they were avoiding answering. There’s a pang of pain in your chest, it’s makes you want to fall to the floor, it makes you want to scream.

“Hyung, we can go look for them with both of our abilities,” Jungkook suggests in a low pleading tone. “If we take Y/n they migh-”

“Don’t make me regret not upholding the consequences of a broken pact,” the prince replies harshly, glare now striking the maknae. “Do as your told.”

You can’t breathe, your lungs seized in anguish. Yoongi, Hobi, Jin…. No. There’s a large palm on your back rubbing softly despite his own despair, your eyes meet Taehyung’s, and you feel the bond intwine your grief together until you could no longer hold it back.

“Jimin, take Y/n,” Namjoon’s voice is thick as he pushes down his agony, he had to lead, he had to make the right choices, but as Jimin takes a step towards you he falters and falls to his knees with a groan.

“Jimin!” Choruses of his name left all your lips in worry, he clutched his side and you wasted no time lifting his shirt to see the damage. The skin was black, hard like stone and cracking. It started to spread quickly, climbing up his torso to his throat through his veins.

Namjoon falters, he can’t do this, he can’t lose his brothers. He didn’t want to use your blood but the universe kept backing him into a corner until he had no choice. He looks to you, his only hope, how ironic. He wanted to apologise, he wanted to beg you to help, he wanted you to tell him it would all be okay, but he can’t say a word.

You don’t hesitate, kneeling in front of the dying man who watched you like you were his salvation, pressing your wrist to his lips.

“Jimin, drink,” you lean your forehead against his as he takes a bite, bracing yourself for the pain. He whines as blood flows down his throat, trying to restrain himself and stop after the first gulp, he doesn’t need anymore but it tastes so good. It’s nectareous, coveting, and he wanted more.

The bond comes naturally to you both, there was no hesitation, no barriers, just a wave of light and with it a connection that tied you both together eternally. Despite the situation you were all in, you gave him a watery smile, feeling everything he’s been keeping from you, it hits you like a breeze, gentle and comforting. He loves you back.

He removes his teeth from your skin, locking at the drops of blood still trying to escape. Namjoon clears his throat beside you both, he’s torn his shirt to cover the bite. Jimin takes it from him, he wanted to do it, he didn’t want anyone else to touch you just yet.

He wraps the fabric like a bandage, apologising when you winced, and pressing a kiss to your wrist when he was done. Your breath hitches in your throat and he looks up at you to watch your reaction, not expecting to take your breath away when he does. His gaze has you squirming and for a second you both believe you’re the only ones here, there’s no oncoming danger, no need for haste or mourning. It was just the two of you for a moment, until the moment passed.

“We need to move, we don’t know how long Taehyung’s ability will last, we don’t know how many allies or our armies are left,” Namjoon presses.

“Hyung you should take her,” Jimin says, looking up at their leader carrying their lives on his shoulders. “I can stay and fight.”

Namjoon shakes his head, he couldn’t leave the youngest two, it didn’t matter if he was feeling weak, he had to stay. They had to win, they had to go find their brothers, there was no way he could leave and keep you safe with his mind in too many places.

“Jungkook should take Angel,” Taehyung suggests. “He’s the fastest.”

He contemplates it for a moment before agreeing, there’s already words of protest slipping through your mouth but they all don’t listen, they can’t, this wasn’t over.

“Come on beautiful,” Jungkook says before throwing you over his shoulder. He looks at his Hyung’s one final time, he doesn’t need to say it, they know what he’s thinking, but he says it anyway. “Be careful.”

Even with those two words there’s still so much that hanged in the air, he didn’t want to lose his brothers, he wanted them to find the others, he wanted them all to be safe.

“Princess you might want to hold onto my waist,” he chuckles, he wouldn’t go too fast, the position wouldn’t allow it, and with Taehyungs new ability he wouldn’t have to just yet. You remembered how fast he travelled last time, and heeded his warning and new pet name with your cheeks on fire, arms wrapping around his waist, ignoring the way his toned body felt against yours. Namjoon has to fight to keep his brow from rising, you listened to the maknae just fine… he’d be irritated about it later.

“Why don’t you use me as bait? If we stay together we-” you try again in vain, but your cut off.

“You never give up,” Jungkook chuckles before carrying you away.

The remaining three stand in silence, eyes meeting with more unsaid words. They turned to the swarm of creatures who had only travelled an inch closer, ready to end this.

“If Tae can keep them slow, we can take them out without getting hurt, just watch your energy, the sun’s out,” Namjoon warns.

Jimin takes a step closer to the masses, eyes narrowing and turning dark as anger floods his limbs. He has an urge, something he can’t quite explain, but he turns to his younger friend with a request.

“Can you release one of them, just one,” he asks, making them frown. “I want to try something.”

Taehyung turns to Namjoon, who nods, brows still furrowed in question. He picks a werewolf out of the bunch, being careful to unveil only him from his cloud of time manipulation. He’s only half transformed despite no full moon, an enchantment cast by the witches in his alliance no doubt.

As soon as he is out he charges towards them, unfaltering in his pace despite the abrupt change of scene. Jimin focuses on him, he wants to grab him by the neck and wring it, he wants all of his bones to break. He can almost feel his arms reach out and grab the mutt even though they’re down by his side, it feels like a shadow emerging from him and as it reaches the wolf it does exactly as he asked. There’s a howl of pain that pierces the air as he abruptly falls to the ground, body distorted into grotesque shapes as his bones break from within.

He can feel the concerned gazes of his brothers behind him, but he didn’t care, it felt good. These foul creatures had a lot to answer for, Jimin had a lot of revenge to take. The freedom you lost because of their hunting, the brothers he lost because of their greed and this war, he’d avenge it all and break limb from limb until he was satisfied. How dare anyone oppose their rule and power. How dare anyone try to take you from them.

.............................................................................................................................

Taglist : @nlost21 @taejichafe @barnesrogerslover @girlinthemikrokosmos @love2lovesworld @fangirl125reader @rjsmochii @unicornbabylover @chatsgotmytongue @aclp-jb1d @loner0907

[softykooky]

i stumbled upon this story at 3am and I've been reading it since !! The storyline is so enticing and it's becoming one of my new fave ot7 fics!! The whole masterlist is fantastic as well, so give this great author some love :))

[softykooky]

okay so there was an accident right...?? maybe a car crash??? or like imagine Y/N's aunt works for her dad and then she did sumn to HER

omg what a cool idea y/n really can't catch a break haha, we shall seeeee❤️

[softykooky]

Oh my goodness I cannot tell you how happy I was when I saw your post saying your were back!! 💜 I found your tumblr and the Sanctuary fic right after I lost my job (#thanksRona🙃) but it was such a life safe saver because it gave an escape. I’ve probably read it about 6 Times over the last couple months ngl but yeah I just wanted to reach out and say tysm and I’m so happy you’re back!! And I’m probs gonna go reread it again because it’s been about a month since the last time 😅 hope you have a good weekend! 💜

i'm semi-back! Just working on sanctuary for now hehe :) i'm so glad i was able to be somewhat of an outlet for you when times were tough, but i hope they are better now! if they're not, i just have a feeling they will be so soon :))

happy rereading!! but don't reread it too much because then you'll get bored and won't like it anymore. thank you sm!!!

[softykooky]

They're gonna have to do some serious apologizing. She deserves happiness she's already been through way to much. I know in the last chapter it ended with an accident, really hope she didn't dead or anything.

you're absolutely right :) they are complete idiots hehe, but yes we shall have to wait and see about the "accident"

[softykooky]

hehe i live for angst,,, so maybe??... no second chances for the 7 of them🤩🤩🤩 suffer my boys /j

omg you guys are absolutely brutal. but we will have to seeeee hehe

[softykooky]

WE MISS U A LOTTT!! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF <333

I miss you too!!! I'm slowly trying to make a comeback, hopefully soon!!! thank you <3

[softykooky]

inspire me!

Putting in some work for Sanctuary today! To get my creative juices flowing, feel free to send me thoughts or what you think will be happening in the finale!

thank u, luv u <3

[softykooky]

Good day

hello! good day :)

[jung-koook]

this LOOK 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥