One thing I would really like to see in season 2 is Valentino realising he has no one.
Like, yeah, sure, he has thousands of workers under his belt and fans who swoon over him, but he doesn't have anyone who actually LOVES him. Vox will be too preoccupied with his warlord god complex over Alastor, and Angel will start to fall in love with Husk. And here is this Overlord of Lust and Love who constantly chases after both of them, and yet he can't keep them. He doesn't have anyone who would start a war against heaven for him. He doesn't have anyone who would leap off a giant ass building to save him if he ever wound up tied to some train tracks. He doesn't have anyone he can fall asleep with and know for certain they will be there when he wakes up. He doesn't have anyone who would die for him.
Valentino is someone who craves attention like a lifeline. He needs to be revered and he needs to be praised and he needs to be loved. He is very socially dependent. He thrives on human connection. I am on my knees begging to see him panicking when he starts to realize no one loves him and not understand why. After all, he has given both Vox and Angel so much, hasn't he? Sure, he was tough with Angel and whiny and needy with Vox, but they're being too sensitive as usual. He sees the love he gives as equal to the respect he thinks he deserves as payment. To him, the very existence of his love for someone warrants their utter devotion to him as though his love is a rare gift in and of itself. He bought a (weird) chihuahua dog and shot it after a day from frustration because it got too loud and difficult. Because it didn't REPAY his kindness with blind obedience. To him love=respect. He thinks that because he loves someone he has every right to step over their boundaries because they are HIS now.
And that type of entitled love can only be born from a dangerous mix of narcissism and low self-worth. If anything, his ego is born FROM his low self-worth. He invests time and money in his looks and body and make up and fashion sense because he thinks himself worthless without those. It's a compensation method. So the dedication to his outward personality grows and grows until it has inflamed his arrogance to a blistering degree.
But, at this stage (when low self-worth clashes with the reality that he has done everything he can to make himself desirable), the anger starts to show. "How dare they not love someone as rich and beautiful as me?" He is in denial because he doesn't want to accept that it's his personality that deters people away because He. Can't. Change. That.
And it infuriates him. That is something that's out of his control, which only feeds into his frustration. Humans have a natural, animalistic need for freedom, we need to have a semblance of control in our lives, and when that's taken away, dangerous coping mechanisms start to develop. When something like that (something that's innate like a personality) is out of Val's control, it externalises itself as a volatile need to control what he CAN. Unfortunately for everyone else, that happens to be his employees, including Angel Dust. That mix of:
1) Needing validation and to be worshipped,
2) Needing to be recognized for the services, protection and fame he has provided,
3) Needing a sense of control,
4) Needing that desperate urge for reassurance to be satisfied,
5) Needing to be loved,
-Creates an extremely dangerous environment. God forbid, any one of those is threatened now when Val has the means, opportunity and righteous fury (that he thinks is deserved since the person accosting him clearly doesn't recognize how great he is) to annihilate them and get rid of the problem. Which brings him back to square one. Constantly chasing what his soul yearns for but knows he will never achieve so instead he drowns himself in the love of his fans, in the blood staining his hands, in his anger and frustration at the world itself, in orgys and sex as a superficial substitute for love and closeness. He uses hedonism and violence to distract himself because he can't let himself stay with his thoughts alone for too long and look too closely at the unhappiness festering inside him.
His liberal attitude towards sexual orientation, gender identity, gender non-conformity, taboo kinks, violence and illegal behaviour and everything society deems degenerate, is a reflection of the ugliness (low self-worth) he knows is inside him. He accepts it, he embraces what others see as ugly because He. Wants. That. Treatment. Because He. Can't. Change. Who. He. Is. He wants someone to see how worthless the real him is and still accept him. It's a defence mechanism. Prideful, he beams his confidence against society in pure spite in a way he wants others to treat him and even positions himself as superior for it. He loses himself in the depravity, he takes his failure to self-actualize himself as a person in stride by fabricating this grand image of himself, he wants to appear as non-chalant to attract the right people and piss off the wrong people who would call him gross anyway. He wants others to see past the bravado and charm and FORGIVE the wicked truth: that deep down, he is simply unlovable.
It's why he latches onto Angel so fiersomely. Because it's not just an obsession. It's not just about love. Angel has something that highlights him above everyone else in Val's eyes: his crushing abandonment issues. Angel reflects all of Val's inner needs and desires and insecurities. As long as he has Angel close and malleable, then he has control and a twisted sense that his love is repaid. To Val, Angel's desperate need to be loved is like a TONIC. Not only does he see himself in Angel, but the relatability allows Valentino to read him like a book. Because he knows himself, hence he knows Angel. He knows what Angel wants and craves and thinks because it's what he does. The parallels we see between them (like the gold tooth, the sultry stares, the aggressive sexual advances, the throwing glass at people's heads (Husk and Vox) are not a coincidence. In animation, everything has a purpose.)
Val knows how to twist and manipulate those abandonment issues in his favour to ensure Angel won't leave him because he doesn't trust that Angel will love him as much as he loves Angel. So he needs a safety net. He needs to know he can control him so he CAN'T leave him, and there is that low self-worth EXUDING from his behaviour. Any time Angel fails to meet Val on the same level, Val lashes out because he feels cheated, because Angel is supposed to love him, because he sees himself in Angel and Angel SHOULDN'T be acting this way. Val wants the treatment he gives Angel; it's why he's so attracted to Vox (despite Vox not being a ten). Vox is the embodiment of power to Val. Vox's word is law. His judgment reigns supreme, and if Val has his approval and attention, then he's won. When he threw his little temper tantrum in ep 2, he did it precisely for that reason: to get Vox's attention. But, he wouldn't let himself be pampered for long, of course not. He still NEEDS. That. Control. Which is why he tore Vox down into such a mess by telling him of Alastor’s return because he wanted Vox to realize he wasn't better than Val.
It's all a game of love and control.
So, when Charlie invited herself into the studio Valentino blew up. It could not have gone worse. Charlie threatened every point mentioned before:
1) Needing validation and to be worshipped - Charlie not only undermined Valentino's authority, but she also didn't treat him with the respect Valentino thinks he's owed.
2) Needing to be recognized for the services, protection and fame he has provided - Valentino experienced the event as a betrayal. After everything he has done for Angel, THIS is how Angel chooses to repay him? By going behind his back and inviting someone else into that dynamic that Valentino feels vulnerable in. He took it personally, like Angel was set out to hurt him. ("To fuck with me?")
3) Needing a sense of control - Charlie completely shattered the illusion that Valentino has utter and complete control. He saw her as a spoiled princess that he has no influence over here to take the person he depends on away from him. The fact that she set his studio on fire didn't help with Val's indignity and anger which is why he was so pissed at Charlie too, not just Angel. ("Lucifer's little bitch" the language he uses for her is downright vile.)
4) Needing that desperate urge for reassurance to be satisfied - Valentino was humiliated then. Charlie painted him as someone who couldn't get his studio or whores under control. Angel embarrassed him just with the idea that he thought he could defy Val like this.
5) Needing to be loved - it was another confirmation that Angel wanted to get away from him so badly that he contracted a member of the royal family to help him. It was a painful reminder that he didn't love Valentino anymore...
Val managed to fix the first four by reminding Angel who his soul belongs to and giving him a beating to put him back in his place. But, the fifth one was the only one he couldn't fix.
And dare I say, Val absolutely feels jealousy towards Angel because in his mind, Angel is beautiful. He's cute and dumb (he's not), just like a pet Val has chosen to take care of and adore. And unlike the chihuahua, Val can't just kill Angel whenever Angel pisses him off ("you're lucky you make me money") The secret dangerous mafia side Angel hides (in favour of being appealing so that people will love him) only feeds into Val's ego more because Angel. Is. HIS. Val is smarter, he is more successful, he is taller and more charming and more attractive, so why does Angel get to experience everything Val wants and Val doesn't? The injustice of it causes those deep-rooted insecurities to act up and tear Angel's self-esteem down. It makes Val feel better to see Angel humbled and humiliated because it means Val has proven himself as superior and therefore Angel HAS to stay with him since it confirms that he will never find someone as awesome as Val (delusionssssss) and it also momentarily dissipates that low self-worth. He wants to ruin Angel's self-worth so he doesn't feel as alone in it, he wants to paint Angel as ruined and unlovable so that Angel too learns to depend on his looks, so that Angel gets a taste of what it feels like and how difficult Val has it that maybe he'll show some more appreciation. He needs to convince Angel and himself that Angel is just as evil deep inside no matter what the reality is so that a) Angel is just as miserable, b) Val can reassure himself that his unhappiness is not his fault and it's "just how this cruel world works."
The worst thing of all... is that it works.
As long as he makes Angel in his image, but keeps him firmly under his boot, Val has control. And if Angel didn't have the support system that recognizes him as a person who deserves love and kindness, then he would have ended up just like Val, bitter and petty and cruel and vengeful and corrupt and mind-numbingly insecure and just plain NASTY.
But now, Vox and Angel have grown tired of the sweet words he spills, knowing they would turn sour quickly when he doesn't get what he wants (what he thinks he DESERVES) in that never-ending cycle of "needs therapy but refuses to acknowledge there's anything wrong with him". The cycle has ran its course, throwing him into waters he doesn't know how to navigate. They don't appreciate him. They don't NEED him...
Above all, Valentino wants to be loved, but his low self-worth builds a fertile ground for all of these toxic coping mechanisms to flourish.
And doing everything in his limitless power to have it, but it keeps slipping from his grasp, will break him. No matter how much money he earns or how sexy his ass is, it's not enough to satiate that unquenchable itch for love and recognition. The frustration of chasing an unattainable goal builds a hatred in him for the whole world. He would much rather blame the world than stand in front of a mirror and blame himself because its easier to make everyone else the villain and himself the victim than it is to recognise that it's his fault he will never achieve what he longs for so wretchidly. It's their fault, NOT his. "He did everything he could to make himself worthy, so why doesn't he have that thing his soul aches for?" (not realizing he's distancing himself from it with every passing day as he spirals into those toxic coping mechanisms) And now as an Overlord he not only has full conviction of the belief that the world doesn't respect how fantastic he is, but he genuinely believes he is in the "divine right" to take his anger out on it for its "transgressions" towards him. He wants to punish the villain in his story. He wants to HURT them, his employees, Angel, Vox, Velvette, ANYONE. He wants to hurt the entire world to make himself feel better because he's hurting inside.
And that is precisely what makes him so terrifying.
I was right that Valentino wants to be loved and is insecure about that, but I didn't realize how BADLY Valentino wants to be loved and is insecure about that. Holy shit.
”I have this artistic idea but not the skills to achieve it to the standard I want.”
congrats! Now you have a motif! A recurring theme! A focus for your art! Something to haunt you!
Seventeen still lives of dandelions? Three hundred poems about grief? A sketchbook dedicated to your grandmother’s house? Two books trying to unravel the complexities of familial relationships?
Don’t let the fear of it not being perfect on the first try stop you from being Weird About It!
A restaurant named You're Not Supposed To Be Here, where the whole point is that the vibes are unnerving. The lighting is weird, the whole place has a faint scent that's not a bad smell, but it's certainly not food smell and you can't quite identify what the hell it is. The music is weirdly janky and you can't quite tell what's wrong with it, the vocals aren't exactly garbled but sung in a language you swear you've never heard anywhere and couldn't name if you tried. Only hiring staff who have anxiety and they're 100% permitted to show how much your presence here stresses them out.
jurassic park has a good philosophical message but unfortunately the only thing i ever take away from watching jurassic park is "god i wish i could go to jurassic park." like yeah it's a blatantly obvious don't create the torment nexus scenario, but this torment nexus has DINOSAURS.
I've been thinking and, from the in-universe point of view, there is a *right* choice in the Treviso vs Minrathous dilemma, right? It's the one Rook made.
Regardless of which city they're saving, they'll encounter Ghilan'nain there, who will then order the dragon to land and attack them, which in turn allows them to harm it and drive it away. We know that the other city's defenders and Rook's companions were not able to attack their dragon because it refused to engage and kept to the air.
We, the players, know Ghilan'nain will be in either city, but from Rook's perspective? She's in Treviso/Minrathous, period. They know that if they had chosen differently, she would not be there to make the other dragon land, it's free to cause havoc for however long and both cities get destroyed.
Okay I’m currently furious that migraines are often so blindly easy to treat and I had to find this out myself at the age of 26 when I’ve been to a neurologist since I was 11 lol so I’m about to teach you two neat and fast little tricks to deal with pain!
The first is the sternocleidomastoid muscle, or the SCM muscle.
This big red section is responsible for pain around the eye, cheekbone, and jaw, as well as some temple pain. Literally all you have to do is angle your head down a little, angle it away from the side that hurts, and then you can gently pinch and rub that muscle. I find it best to start at the bottom and travel upwards. The relief is so immediate! You can increase pressure as you feel comfortable doing so.
Here is a short and easy video showing this in action
The second is a fast and easy stretch that soothes your vagus nerve, which is the nerve responsible for calming you down. The vagus nerve, for those unfamiliar, is stimulated by deep breathing such as yawning, sighing, singing, or taking a deep breath to calm your anger in a tense situation.
You can stretch this out by sitting up as straight as possible (this does not have to be perfect to work) and interlacing your fingers. Put your hands on the back of your head with your thumbs going down the sides of your neck and, while keeping your face forward, look all the way to one side with just your eyes. Hold that until you feel the urge to breathe deeply or yawn, or until you can tell there’s a change. Then do the same thing on the other side. When you put your arms down, you should clearly be able to turn your head farther in both directions. If the first session doesn’t get rid of your migraine, rest and repeat as many times as necessary. I even get a little fancy with it and roll my eyes up and down along the outer edge sometimes to stretch as much as I can.
If you need a visual here’s a good video on it. I know some of the language they use seems questionable but this is real and simple science and should not be discarded because it’s been adopted by the trendy wellness crowd!
I seriously cannot believe I didn’t hear a word of this from any doctor in my life. Additionally, if you get frequent recurring migraines, you may want to see a dietician. Migraines can be caused by foods containing histamines, lectin, etc. and can also be caused by high blood pressure in specific situations such as exercise, stress, and even sex.
If any of this information helps you I’d love to hear it btw! It’s so so fast and easy to do. Good luck!
came back imprisoned by obligation to bear responsibility for the love and grief that others feel for you. came back painfully aware of the horror of existence. came back to a life you cannot bear to live anymore, to a body you cannot bear to call yours.
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