Chloe Decker

Someone's got to keep Lucifer out of trouble | Lucifer ask blog (and Good Omens cause we're all connected at this point)

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Chloe Decker, detective for the LAPD. Nice to meet you.

Look, if I'm being honest, I'm only here to make sure my kids stay safe online.

I have made yet another blog for this ever growing RP! Admin is @janeway-lover

I also run @ask-eric-the-disposable-demon and @rider-on-a-white-horse

Lucifer is Ro over at @morningbloodystar

She also runs @three-surnames for Trixie and @maze-of-bad-bitches for Mazikeen.

Full disclosure, I've seen like 3 episodes of Lucifer. Replies may take a little while so I can look stuff up.

[hyeriyearner]

HELLO I AM MAKING USE OF YOUR ASK BOX

YEEEEEEE ASK BOX I FORGOT HOW ASJ BOX LOOKED OMG HI HH IEICE AABBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[janeway-lover]

HELLOOOOOOO

[chloe-decker-lapd]

No more coffee.

[hyeriyearner]

tyrant 🫵 and I love it 🫵 jeep it up 💕

[chloe-decker-lapd]

If you say so, dear.

[hyeriyearner]

HELLO I AM MAKING USE OF YOUR ASK BOX

YEEEEEEE ASK BOX I FORGOT HOW ASJ BOX LOOKED OMG HI HH IEICE AABBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[janeway-lover]

HELLOOOOOOO

[chloe-decker-lapd]

No more coffee.

[samael-your-guardian-angel]

Trying to find out why he's so popular? Cant say I blame you.

Anyone with eyes can see why he's popular!

Look, at the end of the day, we're all just Some Guys- well, not guys - and yeah, Devil, former King of Hell, Morningstar, blah blah blah blah blah. Who cares. What's he actually like?

[chloe-decker-lapd]

He's annoying as, well, Hell, thinks he's hilarious, and consumes more sugar than is probably good for an immortal. He's wonderful.

[samael-your-guardian-angel]

Chloe! Just the person I've been meaning to to talk to. How are you and the baby?

And please tell me a million silly little factoids about life with Mr Decker.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

The baby is growing very well. The doctors say there's no complications, and I'm due early January.

Well, for one thing, if you want to see him melt, call him that again. He's so sappy, really, although he'd never admit it. He's a bit of a food snob, unless he's stealing your food, in which case, he'll eat anything. Except Zany Wings. He does hate those, but he's too soft with the kids to ever truly try and stop them.

[samael-your-guardian-angel]

Trying to find out why he's so popular? Cant say I blame you.

Anyone with eyes can see why he's popular!

Look, at the end of the day, we're all just Some Guys- well, not guys - and yeah, Devil, former King of Hell, Morningstar, blah blah blah blah blah. Who cares. What's he actually like?

[chloe-decker-lapd]

He's annoying as, well, Hell, thinks he's hilarious, and consumes more sugar than is probably good for an immortal. He's wonderful.

[theehorsepusssy]

[transfem-goddess-author]

Not if I can impregnate her first

[ralfmaximus]

Happy Satan Impregnates His Bride season to those who celebrate.

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

oh hey just remembered if you're being a method actor it's not just sam so i gotta ask how many marriage proposals you have now? /silly

🗞🗞🗞

[janeway-lover]

YOU CAN'T SILENCE THE TRUTH

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

WHAT TRUTH

[janeway-lover]

BROTHER YOU POSTED THE ASKS AND THEY FESSED UP

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

WELL THAT'S STILL NOT A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL SO CASE IN POINT

[janeway-lover]

THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING IF YOU'VE GOTTEN ANY BECAUSE WHAT HAVEN'T WE SEEN?

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

I'M NOT SAYING, ACTUALLY

[janeway-lover]

WHAT ARE YOU HIDING THEN???

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

[janeway-lover]

can i subpoena your inbox

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

come back with a warrant.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Bet.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Yes. But 'ewwww parent crate' still

Don't come into our room for a while, then.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Into 'ewwww parents' crate' for you and Father

You may feel that way if you wish.

But isn't it better to know your parents love each other very much than have them fighting?

[morningbloodystar]

Do not self actualize fertility. You can not handle pain very well and we know this.

Listen, that's easier for people not being eye fucked (to start off with) by Chloe Bloody Decker. Not my fault I start ovulating.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

If you want it to go past the eyes, stop talking and get over here.

[morningbloodystar]

ma'am yes ma'am

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Good devil.

[morningbloodystar]

Do not self actualize fertility. You can not handle pain very well and we know this.

Listen, that's easier for people not being eye fucked (to start off with) by Chloe Bloody Decker. Not my fault I start ovulating.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

If you want it to go past the eyes, stop talking and get over here.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Ahem. Uh, good morning, Detective! How are you, my dear?

I know it's a bit early, but I've been looking at some cribs and clothes and maybe we could ask Rory what some of her favourite designs are - I could baby proof pitchforks!

Morning. Working.

*She looks up from the case file she's reading and does a double take.*

Please don't try to use your boobs to distract me from the idea of giving our baby a pitchfork. It might work and I'm worried.

[morningbloodystar]

Oh, your boobs do it to me all the time, payback's fair!

*Lucifer steps forward, and looks at Chloe with eyes soft and awed.*

How are you, my dear? Anything I can get you?

[chloe-decker-lapd]

I'm alright. She's not quite big enough to start hurting my back yet. Although a snack would be nice.

*She tilts her head back and forth to crack her neck.*

[morningbloodystar]

I could be a snack.

*He leans down and kisses her forehead, gently resting a warm hand at the back of her neck as relief.*

Better? And what would you like? Grilled cheese? Pickles? Pickle grilled cheese?

[chloe-decker-lapd]

You could be a heating pad.

*She relaxes at the warmth, and then blinks in confusion.*

Pickle grilled cheese? What are you talking about? Normal grilled cheese is fine.

[morningbloodystar]

*He hums, resting his head against hers."

There's nothing wrong with liking, or even craving, pickles. Hell knows they're delicious in a mar...gherita pizza.

Just saying, if you like pickles, and want pickles, you might ask me to look in the drawer above the oven, and I might get you around 600 bottles of them. I'd certainly not judge you for unique cravings. I can even get you peanut butter to complement the pickle! Reeses ought to market that.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Please tell me you did not buy 600 jars of pickles. Lucifer.

*She is using her annoyed voice but she is also leaning up against him so it cancels out.*

I'm not craving pickles. Nor am I craving peanut butter pickles. I'm craving - ugh, okay. So, years ago, there was this little German Christmas market up north, and Trixie was really little so we took her to see all the lights and they had this amazing gingerbread and I've never been able to find it. I want that.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Ahem. Uh, good morning, Detective! How are you, my dear?

I know it's a bit early, but I've been looking at some cribs and clothes and maybe we could ask Rory what some of her favourite designs are - I could baby proof pitchforks!

Morning. Working.

*She looks up from the case file she's reading and does a double take.*

Please don't try to use your boobs to distract me from the idea of giving our baby a pitchfork. It might work and I'm worried.

[morningbloodystar]

Oh, your boobs do it to me all the time, payback's fair!

*Lucifer steps forward, and looks at Chloe with eyes soft and awed.*

How are you, my dear? Anything I can get you?

[chloe-decker-lapd]

I'm alright. She's not quite big enough to start hurting my back yet. Although a snack would be nice.

*She tilts her head back and forth to crack her neck.*

[morningbloodystar]

I could be a snack.

*He leans down and kisses her forehead, gently resting a warm hand at the back of her neck as relief.*

Better? And what would you like? Grilled cheese? Pickles? Pickle grilled cheese?

[chloe-decker-lapd]

You could be a heating pad.

*She relaxes at the warmth, and then blinks in confusion.*

Pickle grilled cheese? What are you talking about? Normal grilled cheese is fine.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Ahem. Uh, good morning, Detective! How are you, my dear?

I know it's a bit early, but I've been looking at some cribs and clothes and maybe we could ask Rory what some of her favourite designs are - I could baby proof pitchforks!

Morning. Working.

*She looks up from the case file she's reading and does a double take.*

Please don't try to use your boobs to distract me from the idea of giving our baby a pitchfork. It might work and I'm worried.

[morningbloodystar]

Oh, your boobs do it to me all the time, payback's fair!

*Lucifer steps forward, and looks at Chloe with eyes soft and awed.*

How are you, my dear? Anything I can get you?

[chloe-decker-lapd]

I'm alright. She's not quite big enough to start hurting my back yet. Although a snack would be nice.

*She tilts her head back and forth to crack her neck.*

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Ahem. Uh, good morning, Detective! How are you, my dear?

I know it's a bit early, but I've been looking at some cribs and clothes and maybe we could ask Rory what some of her favourite designs are - I could baby proof pitchforks!

Morning. Working.

*She looks up from the case file she's reading and does a double take.*

Please don't try to use your boobs to distract me from the idea of giving our baby a pitchfork. It might work and I'm worried.

[thedemon-crowley]

@chloe-decker-lapd so this is what your ex does in his spare time

[chloe-decker-lapd]

At this point, I'm not even surprised.

[thedemon-crowley]

She is beauty

She is grace

@chloe-decker-lapd

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Do you really want to go there?

[thedemon-crowley]

Oh for—pahahaha! Whatever, Blue Steel

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Keep a lid on it, fuzz face.

[thedemon-crowley]

Only cause I think you’ll shoot me!~

[chloe-decker-lapd]

I can see the headlines now.

[thedemon-crowley]

Oh, they’d be brilliant.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Do you think Lucifer would be more upset because you've been shot, or because - somehow - he thinks I shoot him as a "thing."

[thedemon-crowley]

I don’t think he’d be overly concerned about me getting shot. I did shoot him, after all.

Wait, is it a “thing”?

[chloe-decker-lapd]

...I'd be concerned about that, if he wasn't Lucifer.

*Sigh.*

No, it is not a thing. It's part of my job. And I only did it because he was being a bitch about it.

[thedemon-crowley]

It’s a long story. I was quite drunk.

I think he might think it’s a thing. I mean, once he realised it was me who shot him, he wasn’t that bothered about it.

[chloe-decker-lapd]

Next time, don't drunk when you're armed. That's Gun Safety 101.

Did you keep an eye on where the bullet went? He might make it into jewelry.