[vexheart]

[twistedlybroken]

[chloealvno]

Life update Feb 2025

As it turns out, the last time I posted on here was 2020. I do remember that the reason I stopped was because I wanted to keep my life suuUuUuuPer private and there's also the fact that I'm pretty paranoid lol. With that fact, I don't know why I'm writing out here considering I like to keep my thoughts to myself (I used to journal but I have stopped). Might probably be because I know no one really uses tumblr anymore (not that i know of) and I felt like writing today. There were points in my life where this was a safe space for me to write down my feelings. Twitter and instagram feels a little too judgy for me while tumblr is a haven.

I was speaking to a close friend yesterday and I was giving her advice on what she's going through. She's in a pretty shitty mental state anddddd I knew exactly how she felt. Not that I'm in a shitty mental state right now (i am pretty good lol) but what she's going through is something I also went through a long time ago. As I was giving her advice about not holding on to hope and what not, I caught myself crying with her. It's easy to say these words but even I know how difficult it is to take action. Getting over someone isn't easy and hell it took me years (despite the fact i ended things?) but all I could offer her is my comfort. Comfort in knowing that she's not going through this alone, comfort in knowing that I am here for her to listen and not judge (because when I was going through it, I had no one... saddd)

Because of our conversation, it got me pretty sentimental. Sentimental enough that I went through my own #personal posts. Not gonna lie, it was tough reading through them because my god...... I was depressed for a really long time. I am glad though that in 2025, at 27, I can say that I am ok. Not really happy but satisfied with what I have now. I am not sad and I am just glad I have gotten over writing depressing thoughts (the pandemic healed me in a weird way). Reading through my posts was at times painful but healing in some way because while younger Chloe was having a hard time, I can now tell her that we are doing so much better. Year 2025 is looking good so far, I have let go of my mottos of: "go with the flow" and "i dont give a fuck". My mindset lately has been "be mindful". Be mindful about what you eat, what you say, what you do and so forth. I want to be better not just mentally but also physically.

A lot has changed within me these past 4 years but the biggest change that is coming up is I have finally decided to resign from my workplace. The place I have worked in for 7 years out of comfort. It's comfortable to stay there but at the same time, it has mentally drained me for too long now and as part of my mindful process, I have decided to move on. It is a big step for me considering that I hate change (I still hate change but this is me trying and making an effort) so it took a lot of guts but I hope this step will lead to brighter and greater things in the future. At the start of the year, I have been working on myself and trying to find that happiness I've always been craving for. This year is when I am taking that chance and moving forward with my life.

I hope I can come back on here and share good news after lol but for now, that's all.

[chloealvno]

I was gonna post this on twt but i didn't want "some" people to misinterpret it as me referring to them.

I'm reading my journal entries from back in 2017 and I had an entry where I wrote "like wala akong feelings sakanya; he doesn't make my heart beat faster or anything so talagang parang magkapatid lang" and also "i had a lot of friends come and go (my fault for sure) so this time i hope i can keep this friendship to last" WELL..... FUNNY THING.... Reading that now in 2020 is fOCKENG HILARIOUS bec 1) i developed feelings and 2) our friendship did NOT last hahahahHhhahHhahhHhahahAha

On another note, i cannot believe how fucking sad i was that i literally also wrote the sentences: "hopefully when i re-read this journal in the future, nahanap ko na "da one" ko na magmamahal ng lubos sakin whatever size I am. so chloe of the future, i really hope it's bright out there cause right now in 2017, you lonely and thirsty AF" TANGINA AHAHAHAHAHHAA really funny reading old entries cause obvs i already know what happens next. Safe to say that chloe of the future (present me) isn't exactly having the time of her life but you know, doing the usual: Just going with the flow~ eep

Also, high-five to me cause i wrote "im not gonna write about him anymore bec that's just toxic behaviour" like woooowww!! good for u past chloe!!!! its the growing up for me!!!!

[chloealvno]

i was trying to be "active" in social media again..... posted a couple tweets, replied to some messages, engaged in a group convo... haHa never again. tbh i might as well just delete all my accounts and make everyone think that im dead haH

so yea um im not gonna be bothering anyone anymore, u can just live your happy lives and i'll just disappear.... once again.... just pretend i was never here

[ourstrangeduet]

me: I dont wanna like…… do things……..

My psychologist: You have to, do things

me: 

[chloealvno]

if God really loves me, why didn't He protect me

[kodaksnacks-blog]

[roseseafoam]

[tradgothwillbyers]

Y'all ever just suddenly have the overwhelming urge to swim??? Like not actively but you just wanna,,, be in the water and have some Peace

[parttimepup]

Yes it’s called the mammalian diving response and it’s also why doing face masks and taking a shower is soothing. Our amphibian ancestors used this mechanism to slow down the heartbeat and lower body temperature so as not to waste calories while swimming (which is very calorie intensive). It makes you feel safe because predators are less likely to get you in water than on land. The fish brain is alive and well in all of us.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

It’s literally activated by putting water on the face.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3768097/

[dogs4ge]

My amphibian ancestors gave me the instinct to dissociate in the shower for hours on end

[unabashedlybi-deactivated201911]

[chloealvno]

it's the 6th day of september and i'm already starting to feel lost. i got my license, i'm hired as a tech, i don't get paid minimum wage anymore but like i don't know what to do next now. when i first started getting treatment, my doc said i should focus on my goals; passing my tests, getting registered and making myself be part of the community.... i reached my goal now.... so what??? i still feel empty, i still don't understand the point of living...

do i just work until i die??

like what do i do now???

[mangojuulpoddd]

Whatever you’re feeling, be good to yourself. If you feel lost, be patient with yourself while you find your way. If you feel scared, be gentle with yourself while you find the strength to face your fear. If you feel hurt, be kind to yourself while you grieve and slowly heal. You can’t bully yourself into clarity, courage, or peace, and you can’t rush self-discovery or transformation. Some things simply take time, so take the pressure off and give yourself space to grow.

Lori Deschene

[hooked-on-hookah-deactivated202]

I swear i overthink myself into a bad mood at least 8 times a day

[itallstartedwithakiss]

Take a lover who gets your strange sense of humour and feels your music. Someone who celebrates your weirdness and adores your creative chaos. Someone who doesn't look at you like you're crazy when you're talking. Someone with eyes to see past your body and straight to the heart of what you are.

Brooke Hampton

[danielxdaniel-deactivated201701]

You know when you clean your face really well and exfoliate and stuff and your face feels ten pounds lighter and clean and kind of raw, that’s how I want my heart to feel

[xbnx]

id love for someone to please explain to me how i ended up terrified of any kind of intimacy while craving it constantly all at the same time

[bardpropaganda]

Abuse bro

[cuttlefishcolor]

Saving these tags bc I mean. Look at them

[maclonna-deactivated20160905]

[veliseraptor]

when you can sense a Mood incoming and feel like a farmer standing in a field looking out at the horizon as the storm approaches like “looks like it’s gonna be a bad one, boys”