It has truly been many lifetimes that have passed since I've even thought about Tumblr. But I'm in a period of excavating and trying to sort through and research parts of my own self. Reviewing my life, my inspirations, and where the hell creative portal opens for me. So I've been in a period of reviewing and revisiting things that might have inspired me or turned on my artistic brain.
It's not to say that it's not been there over the years and I was working on HOH for almost 3 years until the pandemic.
There was a weird synchronistic moment last week? Maybe last month that was talking about, when all the stability settles into other places of your life, how can you review your consciousness. Something spiritual and woo-like in that capacity that resonated.
I'm not sure how I got so luck as to move back to a place and have puzzle pieces just form together in order to create stability and my GOD do I want to just whisper that sentence into the void because I fear that any ounce of stability I ever have managed to find is often immediately offset by 1-a bakers dozen full of things falling through.
All that to say, things like finances, work, friends, home, and health are all AT THE MOMENT fairly stable. It's honestly uncanny. I don't know how all have lined up like that at once. Thank goodness for jupiter placements in my life, right. So it's finally moved my brain from survival mode to a place of calm in most moments. Which means that the creative, thoughtful, investigative, curious part of my mind is feeling ready to be nurtured or healed.
So I'm RETURNING to myself in many ways. What was it in school that sparked my practice? What are the moments in my life since then that have sparked it? Or maybe, where? How?
Sometimes films, car rides, long quiet walks in new places, in public transportation, while reading poetry or some fiction, while doing some bibliomancy magics. Other times it's also been from just reading boring theory books or reviews or bios or articles. So lots of research based things. But I've also started reviewing my own journal entries, my notebooks from school, trying to place where/what it was that I was drawn to and seeing if anything sparks.
It's all really gut feeling and in many ways, I'm unsure what or how I'm linked to my intuition anymore. With the state of the world as it is in, it's hard to trust a gut instinct when everything feels crummy. We'll see how this journey lands and I hope to keep writing. I miss this blog form mode of talking especially because, in many ways, this was a semi private way of existing in the world. It isn't social media for me, this isn't FOR anyone else but myself.
Reminded me that I also miss having a keyboard and using my computer. I use my phone so damn often that I get lost in that and it's lost its charm entirely. But I got a new keyboard and computer set up at home recently so there's lots to explore in a tactile sense too. Like, I tried just focusing on journaling but that's not always my pathway. In fact, finding time to journal is nearly impossible in the winter while I'm just barely able to keep up with the daily nonsense, let alone wake up early JUST to read or write. Like, if I wake up early, I end up just doing household chores, walking the dog, and maybe having 20 minutes to myself while Sean lifts. It's why it doesn't feel entirely like it's worthwhile. I'd rather just sleep at that point.
Here's to & cheers to: excavating the creative self and she is so many years later.
