I Might Exist

28 | 18+ | originally hornyposting but often cryptic thought dumping | would change my url but I don’t want anyone taking this one |

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I’ve made my blog look like a cigarette pack so people are put off

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adverts should kill themselves

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It’s funny finally reading books I bought years ago. Getting a few pages in and realising how useful it would have been at the time. Like it’s crazy how good my intuition for what I needed was compared to how poor my ability to actually follow through is.

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need to leave these lower realms

I’m only hurting myself and others more

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It’s like I’m convinced I’m not allowed to look after myself or do what I need to be happy

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negative bias too strong

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I thought I was in control but I should have listened to my daimonion

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dreadful karma

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this sense of exceptionalism

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My self awareness has repeatedly been the biggest obstacle to my happiness

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singing something in the way like it’s a mantra

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excessive introspection

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so horny 😣

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Standing up too fast is my drug of choice

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need to throat a girl’s strap

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I don’t listen to myself bc I feel like there’s no point.

Like nothing I ever want is allowed or possible or considered acceptable or convenient.

Or i think I’m such a bad person that any desire is voided anyway.

I don’t tell anyone a lot of the time when I’m feeling my worst bc I think there’s no point. What can they even do?

I want to strangle myself half of the nights I go to bed but I don’t say anything. No one can make the medical service better for me or cut waiting times. No one else can really help me move into somewhere better for me. No one can win the lottery for me.

What I needed years ago was being told how to actually choose and look after myself. But what I thought or felt was right was always wrong. Why do so many give this advice but then pass judgement on your choices? What was I meant to think?

What am I supposed to do now other than what I already am doing? I’m literally trying so hard to keep looking after myself and get myself in a better place and I’m burning out from it. Why would I want someone who doesn’t understand to give their opinion?

I don’t know where to put my emotions

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my body is making me so depressed