Can’t believe it’s come to this but I have an inquiry with nowhere to turn but snzblr. Praying someone knows jack about this.
Holy TMI ok. Basically every time I get off I sneeze several times without fail and I feel like I can’t consult external sources about this without giving myself away. This happens whether I’m alone or with someone else.
I’ve seen people on here talk about like, a kink-induced mental block where they can’t sneeze around other people.
Is this also fetish related thing even though it feels entirely out of my control? Some sort of condition I’ve never heard of? Does anyone else do this? Is there anything to make it go away?
God, they're so seamlessly affable. And you can tell from everyone's faces how pleased they are to talk to them. You watch as they make their rounds, drinking and chatting. You're outside speaking to a mutual friend when they come to join you both.
"Hi." They breathe the word at you as they sidle up to your friend's side. There's an almost imperceptible crackling sound on the 'h' that betrays a kind of moistness. They swallow and their throat bobs. You notice the flush across their neck. They're holding a near-empty glass.
"Someone's having a fun night," your friend observes with no real bite. They give a little shimmy and smile; utter personification of shamelessness.
They open their mouth, to say something to you it seems. Instead, their nose twinges and they reach forward to put a hand on your shoulder, as if to offer you support. You stiffen. Haphazardly they bring their other arm to hover in front of still-parted lips, unaware but certainly not impolite.
They snag a swooping breath. Under their sweater you see the swell of their chest. They crumple with a sneeze, and it's noisy but not too loud, unrestrained and almost healthy-sounding in its unabashedness.
"hhH-yYnNTZzSh'YOo!" Their hand trembles where it rests but doesn't tighten. It was aimed slightly downwards, in the space between the two of you. They straighten, sniffling, beaming like nothing happened, moving their hand down to cup your elbow, giving it a pat. They chuckle very softly, but whatever congestion that's been brought forward makes it sound like they're going "ha ha ha" and--fuck, if that isn't the cutest thing you've ever heard, actually.
"Sorry," they mention, while your friend rubs their shoulder, snickering, and you fight the heat suddenly winning the battle towards your complexion.
GUYS. Sneezing on call? Sneezing on FaceTime? I feel like especially since a lot meaningful connections and friendships for people with this kink are formed online, these moments/tropes deserve ALL the love. Not only is it just adorable, but it can come with so many variations.
For instance:
Do they mute themselves? Move away from the speaker in an attempt to spare whoever they’re talking to from their outburst?
Or perhaps they remain right where they are, one hand already preoccupied with their phone and the other scrubbing at their nose. Do they sneeze openly? Right into the speaker? What does that say about them as a character?
The same thing goes for video calls. Do they shift out of the camera’s view, so that all that can be seen is a trembling shoulder, but the sneeze is still completely audible, if not even more so?
Or the exact opposite, perhaps they fumble to mute themselves but sneeze completely on camera, the low graphics potentially exaggerating a light spray?
Maybe they do neither, sneezing on full display once, twice, three times!
And of course because it’s a phone call, the person on the other end can only watch and listen. Maybe they hear things they wouldn’t have noticed before; the desperation of a hitch, the audible wetness on the end of a “n’TsCHieWw!”, the liquid sniffle that follows.
Do they have the kink? Are they struggling to stay composed themselves, surreptitiously holding the speaker right up against their ear in an attempt to hear every last detail?
Maybe they’re a vanilla, happy to offer many blessings and affections, as well as some comments/observations on allergy/cold season
When I say the possibilities are endless, I mean endless. Not to mention the inherent realism of this situation. Like, look me in the eyes and tell me you’ve never sneezed on the phone at least once hehe
A and B step into the parking lot, and it’s the warmest day of the year so far. Outside the grass is tall and almost too green. White flecks of dandelion bristles speckle the breeze.
In the car A keys the engine.
“It’s snowing,” they say in good humour with a grin. B turns away from A towards the window and crushes a near silent stifle, their arms shielding them in a protective, jerking gesture.
“hh-Npgxxt! nhh…” They sniffle. It’s surprisingly drawn out, the sound textured. B cringes and scowls.
Guys. Sneezing on call? Sneezing on FaceTime? I feel like especially since a lot of meaningful connections and friendships for people with this kink are formed online, these moments/tropes deserve all the love. Not only is it just adorable, but it can come with so many variations.
For instance:
Do they mute themselves? Move away from the speaker in an attempt to spare whoever they’re talking to from their outburst?
Or perhaps they remain right where they are, one hand already preoccupied with their phone and the other scrubbing at their nose. Do they sneeze openly? Right into the speaker? What does that say about them as a character?
The same thing goes for video calls. Do they shift out of the camera’s view, so that all that can be seen is a trembling shoulder, but the sneeze is still completely audible, if not even more so?
Or the exact opposite, perhaps they fumble to mute themselves but sneeze completely on camera, the low graphics potentially exaggerating a light spray?
Maybe they do neither, sneezing on full display once, twice, three times!
And of course because it’s a phone call, the person on the other end can only watch and listen. Maybe they hear things they wouldn’t have noticed before; the desperation of a hitch, the audible wetness on the end of a “n’TsCHieWw!”, the liquid sniffle that follows.
Do they have the kink? Are they struggling to stay composed themselves, surreptitiously holding the speaker right up against their ear in an attempt to hear every last detail?
Maybe they’re a vanilla, happy to offer many blessings and affections, as well as some comments/observations on allergy/cold season
When I say the possibilities are endless, I mean endless. Not to mention the inherent realism of this situation. Like, look me in the eyes and tell me you’ve never sneezed on the phone at least once hehe
ANYWAY so yeah this is very much NSFW. If you like that then that obviously makes me indescribably happy, cuz well, I wrote it. No ADHD meds just coffee smokes and perversion.
Word count: 4k
Eric left work in a hurry and at an utter loss for words. He had arrived to the bookshop early that day to help set up for their monthly Q&A/book signing. His job was to make sure that everything ran smoothly, and to take care of whoever was speaking that month, making sure they had whatever they needed and knew where to find their private rest room.
There had been a bit more buzz around town than usual about the speaker that month. Apparently they were semi-well known and actually from town: Jude Serrow, ex-high-fashion model that had somehow broken into the elite literary scene with their debut novel. Eric had never heard the name, but paired with the occupation it all sounded so snobbishly glamorous that he couldn’t help the way he snorted the first time he heard it.
Regardless, Eric had met and hosted them, and it was true what had been said: Jude Serrow was strangely beautiful. They were accompanied by a man whose handsomeness (and seeming lack of awareness of it) was outright unfair. Jude introduced the man as their "good friend". Eric however, at his age, liked to think he knew homoeroticism when he smelled it. Takes one to know one, or however the saying went.
It had in fact, been a pretty memorable event (for more than one reason), though the most notable part to Eric (he was probably one of few), had been that the author was clearly sick as a dog. Eric watched in a flushed sort of trance as their body rebelled against them, more specifically their nose. He tried to be of help, to do his job, but their ‘friend’ seemed to have it covered. Besides, as the frequency of Jude’s sneezing increased, so did Eric’s discomfort. The sound was arousing, he couldn’t deny it, but it was the reason why he found it arousing that had perturbed him for the next couple of hours.
Wet, desperate, and never in fits of less than two, Jude’s sneezes had sounded exactly like Vincent’s, albeit a bit quieter. They would sneeze, and in Eric’s mind flashed only him. He had spent his entire shift growing more and more restless to go home and see the man, a kind of need that was foreign to him. This random author who sneezed almost identical to the man he loved, somehow rendered Eric desperate to go home and touch his hair, his cheeks, his back and shoulders, his nose-
Eric walked faster. He could see his apartment building and wondered briefly if Vincent would even be home. He could only hope so. God, was he a dog in heat? In the elevator Vincent’s eyes flashed through his mind like a muscle spasm and he all but bit back a groan, feeling a sort of liquid warmth pool in his abdomen. He ached for the man. He thought of how busy he’d been with work and tried to remember the last time they’d done it.
He opened the door to his flat feeling positively primal, but quickly deflated as he was greeted by its silent emptiness. Dropping his things and flopping down onto the couch, he debated just touching himself to the thought of Vincent, of his loud laugh, his near-constant sniffles, the way his voice pitched up when he sneezed (though he’d never admit it). His dick twitched in his jeans. No.
Pulling out his phone to check his notifications, he zeroed in on a text message, sent five minutes ago.
Went to bar witj Assad. Comign hom now <3333
Eric’s heart fluttered a bit in his chest. So he'd been out drinking. He tried not to let his mind wander to perverted places.
See, Vincent was pretty handsy on a regular day, but pair that with the alcohol and the fact that they’d been uncharacteristically abstinent…well. Maybe Eric’s needs wouldn’t be left unattended after all. Still, it was a bit early for Vincent to be coming home. If he was really out drinking then technically the night was still young. Eric wandered to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water, wondering if maybe he had gotten too drunk (which wasn’t uncommon).
Passing the counter, he stopped to check the little mini-tray that lay there. On it sat an ovular white pill. He froze, realization slowly dawning on him. He could hardly believe the fucking timing. It was Vincent’s allergy medication.
Their first year of living together, by the time spring had rolled around Vincent was a snivelling wreck. Eric could hardly keep his hands off him, much to his lover’s confused delight. After a couple of weeks of insisting, Vincent let Eric bring him to an allergist, where it was deduced that he had something called hay fever. Vincent had eyed the allergist up and down suspiciously.
“It sounds like you’ve just made that up on the spot.” He said. “I’d like to know where you got your degree.”
“Vincent!”
Since then, every morning in spring Eric placed a Zyrtec on the tray before work, since Vincent usually forgot to take the pill himself. And sometimes, even then.
So that was the reason he was on his way home early. He probably couldn’t stand outside for longer than three minutes without-
Before Eric’s mind could reach any further conclusions, he heard keys jingling in the door and felt all his thoughts and feelings scramble to rearrange themselves into place with businesslike efficiency. After all, it seemed now more than ever that he had something to do. Or rather, someone.
“Eriiiic, darling I’m home!”
There was an audible thickness to the voice calling out to him that almost made Eric’s knees buckle. He wandered out the kitchen to the doorway, where Vincent sat in a heap of jumper and jacket on the ground, fumbling to unlace his shoes. He looked up and saw Eric, a grin practically splitting his face in two.
“No “welcome home”?”
His speech? Just a bit slurred. His cheeks? Indubitably a bit flushed. But it was definitely Vincent, all six feet of him beaming up at Eric. He noticed that the man was sniffling, and that on his upper lip right beneath his left nostril, a touch of moisture glistened. He felt the low thrumming need in his gut intensify as he squatted down to help undo the bastard’s laces.
“Welcome home baby.” He smiled fondly, ruffling the man’s dark hair. Vincent sighed, then sniffled harshly, scrubbing at his nose with his jacket sleeve.
“You’re home early,” Eric noted, opting to act as if he hadn’t noticed the pill on the kitchen counter. His voice however, betrayed a kind of desire which Vincent picked up on immediately. He smiled, licking his teeth suggestively.
“Couldn’t wait to come home to you I s’pose…”
Eric rolled his eyes, loosening the knot on Vincent’s second shoe and pulling it off to reveal a sock that didn’t match the other.
“Yeah right, I’m sure that was why.”
He mumbled, but he couldn’t help the way the corners of his lips turned upwards. Eyebrows shooting up in mock indignation at the implication of his dishonesty, Vincent planted a socked foot to Eric’s chest where he squatted over him and gave a hearty shove. Falling backwards onto his bum in surprise, no sooner did he open his mouth to say something in retort than Vincent was upon him, practically straddling him there on the floor.
His grey eyes crinkled as he smiled. Eric felt a rush of blood flow down to his lower region. He shifted as Vincent leaned in so close to his face he could the smell pineapples and coconut milk from the piña coladas he’d drank.
“Will I just have to prove how much I missed you?” He purred, brushing warm fingers behind the nape of Eric’s neck. He shuddered.
“That’s definitely one way to plead your ca-“
He was interrupted by Vincent’s tender mouth all but crashing against his. Eric forgot everything he had ever said and everything he was about to say, all he could really do was reciprocate. Surrender. He sucked in a needy breath against the sweetness of Vincent’s lips.
Vincent rolled his hips against him then, in a sudden and impossibly fluid motion, and even through the layers they both wore, the friction made Eric gasp. Vincent took the opportunity to snake a tongue into his mouth, kissing him even harder as he ran the tip of it against the smooth backs of Eric’s teeth.
Eric, who’s turn-on button had frankly been toyed with all day, felt a growing sense of urgency as his trousers tightened around his cock. He stifled a moan, savouring the taste of Vincent’s tongue on his and jerking his hips further into the man’s groin reflexively. Vincent gasped hotly then, into his mouth, and he smiled at the thought of having caused such a reaction.
No sooner had the thought passed through his mind though, did Vincent break away from their kiss, eliciting a displeased groan from him. He opened his eyes just in time to see his face a few inches away, suspended in an expression of pure, unwavering need. His eyes fluttered shut, lips curling back into a white snarl and Eric’s erection solidified itself in his boxers with an almost painful rushing sensation right as Vincent pitched down towards his chest.
“TZSCH’ue! H-hnnNTSH-ZTshh’iyoo!! whoo! Scusami!“
Vincent giggled, still a bit tipsy and blissfully unaware of the effect he had just had on the man beneath him. He sniffled a couple of times before leaning back up to meet Eric’s lips again. He tilted his head to the side in confusion when Eric pulled away, something tender and urgent but largely illegible glinting in his eyes.
“Bless you,” Eric leaned in to whisper this into Vincent’s ear, snaking a confident hand under his shirt to slide down his obliques. “I think we should take this to the couch, yeah?”
It was only then that Vincent seemed to realize they were still on the floor, and he laughed heartily, nodding. It wasn’t long before they’d resumed kissing, Vincent straddling Eric while he rested comfortably against the couch cushions.
Hard as a rock and eager for Vincent to reach his level, Eric pulled back from their kiss to begin nibbling and planting tender kisses along the skin of his neck. Vincent breathed in to let out a sound, only for his breath to get caught and scissor off into a series of hitching pants. He quickly clamped a hand over his mouth and nose before turning slightly to the side.
“h’HHTsZSCHiewW! DDZZJ’Hue! nN’TSH!!” He kept the hand pressed to his face for a moment, seemingly caught off-guard and unsure of how to proceed, before shaking his head like a dog with a little whew and leaning back in for more. Eric pulled away yet again. A knowing smile pulled at the corners of his lips.
“Bless you, lad. Are you alright?”
Vincent shifted his weight side to side looking caught, and Eric had to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep himself from stopping the man, fearing that even small movements would be enough to send him over the edge at that moment.
“Yeah,” Vincent tried, but the usual playfulness had left his voice, replaced by the strain of a lie. As if to emphasize the falseness of his claim, his nostrils flared ever so slightly and his expression soon melted into another look of desperation. He ducked sideways again, trembling involuntarily against Eric’s lap. Eric bit down on his lip, hard.
Eric could hardly keep his composure. And honestly? He couldn’t believe his luck, the luck he’d had all day. To want something so badly, and then this? Vincent had either given up on using his hands or simply forgotten. Either way he was now sneezing helplessly to the side, misting the air with something…visible during each sneeze before tailing off into what could easily be considered a moan.
“H’DzsSHHiewW! hhh-h-hh’TZzshHoo!—ahhnn...“
Eric licked his lips. He wanted to feel that fine mist against every inch of his skin. His dick throbbed so hard it sent a spasm through his whole lower abdominal region. Vincent, who had finally managed to put a stop to his allergic fit for the time being, seemed to finally take notice of the stiffness in his lover’s trousers, hard enough to cut diamonds. He dragged a wrist under his nose, still careless from the liquor, and effectively managed to smear away some of the wetness that had gathered there. He cleared his throat. He plastered on his most endearing loopy grin.
“Okay. Snf. In hindsight I might’ve forgotten to take that Zyrtec you left on the counter earlier. But if you think this is bad you should’ve seen me at the bar, had to come home early ‘cos I was practically spraying all over the-“
“Knees.”
Vincent blinked at him in surprise through damp lashes.
“W-what?”
He couldn’t keep the stammer from his words. Eric now had a certain set look in his jawline, a determination in his visage that made Vincent gulp. He hadn’t looked so hungry in a long while.
“You heard me, love. On your knees for me now.”
His voice was a sultry English drawl. He was unbuttoning his trousers, not breaking eye contact. Vincent’s eye’s trailed down to the bulge protruding from his boxers and licked away the wetness that had coated his lips post-sneeze. As if in some sort of hypnotized trance, he began to undo his own shirt, lowering himself to kneel before the couch as Eric shuffled his trousers down to reveal his firm thighs, sitting a bit more upright.
Eric couldn’t help but smirk at his boy, kneeling before him like that. How long had it been since he’d had it in him to revitalize this…dynamic? Mere seconds away from getting what he had been craving all day, he found himself, finally, in a state of utter calm. With a snap of his waistband, he pulled his boxers down to let Vincent marvel at his rigid dick.
All seven or so inches of it stood up so straight it was almost cartoonish, precum dripping steadily down the clean tanned skin of his shaft. Vincent’s eyes grew ravenous as he pulled off his pants and boxers to reveal his lithe milky body in its entirety. He was nursing an erection of his very own, almost rivalling Eric’s, much to his pleasure. Eric placed one hand on himself, using the pre as lubrication with a hint of pride, before leaning forward to card a hand through Vincent’s hair. Vincent sniffled, his nose now unmistakably pink.
“Well. You know what to do.” Eric’s voice lilted.
“And if I-hh-if Ihhh’NTSCHieWw!-hh. If I do that?”
Eric’s eyes flicked lazily down towards his cock, which was twitching almost rhythmically now with necessity.
“Then you know where to do it.”
Vincent’s eyes flickered with a look of understanding and tenacity that Eric couldn’t help but find downright adorable. The dark-haired man nodded, licking his lips. He stared hungrily at Eric’s length before lowering himself and licking upwards, up against the underside, from the base all the way to the tip, where he swirled his tongue for good measure, lapping up what that had seeped out with a bit of a sniffle.
Eric couldn’t help himself, he moaned indulgently, at a higher pitch than he would have preferred. Feeling the warm wetness of Vincent’s tongue against him, which he’d longed for all day, was almost too much to bear. Vincent caught on quickly, smirking conspiratorially as his own dick grew even harder where it sat neglected between his legs. His breath hitched once, twice, but he brought his head back down nonetheless to really start the job.
Taking Eric deep into his mouth with a slurping sound so that he could actually feel his tip burrow into the warm back walls of the man’s throat, Vincent began to move his head slowly, up and down. He hardly looked at Eric. He was concentrated, worshipping it with his mouth. Eric let out a long low groan, hips spluttering upward where he sat. He wasn’t going to last much longer.
Just as he became certain he was a few motions away from his climax, head lolled back in utter ecstasy, Vincent rose from his dick suddenly, mouth agape. Before Eric could so much as utter a complaint, the man sucked in a greedy gulp of air and sneezed once, twice, and then twice more, nose pressing directly against his shaft for the first three, before shifting upwards to flutter his lips against Eric’s tip with a final, wet expulsion. The fucker seemed to know exactly what he was doing.
Eric had never felt such a sensation in his life. The feeling of Vincent’s nostrils against his shaft trembling with the sneezes had been heavenly, but the feeling of his lips against his tip paired with the mist right up against his slit had him seeing spots. He bit back a loud, almost pained whimper. He needed more of this, more of him.
Practically bolting upright, he pounced on Vincent, animalistic, from the couch to the floor, so that they were both laying together, hidden from anyone who were to enter. Eric was on top of him, panting early, a hand already snaking down to grasp desperately at Vincent’s dick and balls. He shuddered, sniffling and sensitive, on the cusp of another bout of sneezing.
Eric kissed him, cutting off his sneezy limbo with a tongue running greedily behind his teeth. Vincent squirmed, body alight with sensitivity and desire. His breath hitched several times against Eric’s before his nose wrinkled and Eric knew to pull back. With the hand he had used to cup Vincent’s junk, he reached up suddenly to cover his mouth and nose as he shuddered into a wet fit.
Vincent moaned on the tail end of the fit, exhausted from the sneezing and aroused from what was happening to him. Eric moaned with him as he felt the wetness coat the inside of his palm with each expulsion. Reaching back down towards Vincent’s dick, his hand now sufficiently lubricated, he began to stroke with equal parts love and greedy enthusiasm.
Vincent let out a wail of pure elation before succumbing to yet another round of sneezing, completely unabashed and increasingly vocal, into Eric’s chest, his neck, his jaw, rutting into him and his hand.
Eric could no longer restrain himself. Pressing a sloppy, flushed kiss to Vincent’s forehead, he paused his stroking to reach further down and press a wet finger against the rim of his arsehole before pushing in a couple of inches with conviction. Vincent let out a breathy yelp, but it trailed off into a moan of unmistakeable satisfaction.
Eric bent down to kiss him, grinning against his mouth as he pressed his finger further in. He relished the way Eric moaned and hitched directly against his lips as he worked his way up to two, then three, until he was tracing circles around Eric’s entrance with the tip of his now unyieldingly stiff prick. Vincent spluttered and gasped.
He stuttered them out against the crook of Eric’s neck, around which he had wrapped his arms to tremble like a leaf as Eric shifted gently, deeper and deeper within him with soft whimpers of his own. Vincent sucked in a greedy gulp of air before rocking them both with a particularly harsh “N’HTZSHH-yue!!“ which splattered lushly against Eric’s skin, pushing him all the way into the man with a searingly euphoric finality. He was all the way in. Or at least, as far in as Vincent’s body could realistically allow.
Skin damp and rosy, they stayed like that in each other’s arms for a moment, full of a tender thirst on the brink of collapse. Eric feared that a single movement would be enough to do it for him, but luckily he didn’t even have to do any of the thrusting.
Vincent’s breath puffed against the flushed dewy skin of his shoulder blade, once, twice, thrice. They twitched against each other, a jumble of nerves, of wet hot sensation. Eric moaned gutturally and reached to grasp at Vincent’s cock desperately, stroking quickly. He felt in that moment as if the lightest of touches would make him come, a breeze, if you will. It was impending, startling him with the ferocity with which it was upon him.
Vincent whimpered out an absolutely filthy sound before sneezing grandly, as vocal as he had ever been and about twice as loud. Because of their proximity the mist jetting from his lips was hitting Eric’s skin warm instead of cool with an indescribably pleasurable sensation, as Vincent’s sneezes rocked him into his tight hole.
“Heh’YIZzsch’iew! N-TZZZZshh!!“ His dick was now jumping fantastically in Eric’s hand, leaking a small faucet a pre with each stroke.
To Eric’s surprise, Vincent came first and impressively too. He shot a seemingly never-ending load as his whole body tensed and then shivered violently as if he’d grown possessed.
He moaned shamelessly, practically on the verge of tears as he squirted time and time again into Eric’s hand. Finally, his body began to relax, Eric still inside him, a fraction away from an indescribable relief.
Vincent sneezed again, rocking backwards and clenching around Eric in a way he’d never felt in his life. He came again, squirting the little of what was left in him with a mewl, and that was all it took. The sensation of the clenching combined with the spectacle before him, his lover coming incessantly and uncontrollably while sneezing on the both of them was what finally sent him shuddering and practically yelling in ecstasy into Vincent’s rear. There wasn’t a muscle in him that wasn’t tensing and alight with the sheer pleasure of it all, and his vision slowly began to darken around the edges as all he could do was succumb time and time again, to the rhythm of his body’s intoxicating spasms.
Together they shook through the remnants of their orgasms, sweaty empty voids of pleasure jumbled and shivering in one another’s arms.
It didn’t take long for them to fall asleep after that, breathless and completely spent, right there on the living room floor.
✪
Eric woke up with a horrendous stiffness in his neck to the feeling of a blanket draped over his shoulders and the smell of eggs sizzling on a pan.
He blinked groggily. He felt sticky and a bit sore, but he wasn’t displeased. How could he be? He could hear Vincent humming in the kitchen, a mere few feet away.
He padded over to him, kissing the nape of his neck from behind where he stood, sprinkling things into a pan.
“Morning, sleepy.”
“Mmm.”
“You know, I never asked you what happened yesterday.”
Eric frowned, disturbed.
“What d’you mean? When I fucked the shit out of you?” He asked incredulously. Vincent yelped out a laugh.
“No, stupid. With the famous model. How’d the event go? What were they like?”
Eric let himself relax, shrugging his shoulders and wrapping his arms around Vincent from behind.
“Did you know they briefly played guitar in a band?”
Vincent chuckled.
“No, seriously. What were they like as a person?”
“I dunno.” Eric shrugged. “Funny character. They had some good company, though.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Like things got a bit dodgy, but you could tell they had each other’s back, kind of thing.”
Eric buried his head into the back of Vincent’s shirt.
