Shift Report

I'm Chris Packham. I'm a freelance writer and editor. I live in Brooklyn with the most talented literacy coach in the New York DOE.

[news-wtf]

Millionaire CEO goes viral for stealing a hat from a child

A millionaire CEO went viral after snatching a signed tennis cap from a young fan at the US Open. His initial defense, public backlash, and

Polish tennis player Kamil Majchrzak, after upsetting ninth-seed Karen Khachanov, seemed to hand his signed cap to a young fan. As the boy reached for the hat, Szczerek, who was standing nearby, grabbed it and put it in a bag carried by a woman with him.

The incident was seen on live television and quickly spread across social media. We learned that Szczerek is the CEO and founder of a Polish paving and landscaping company he established in 1999 with his wife. He is deeply involved in tennis, owning a private tennis court at his luxury home and co-owning a tennis pro club. However, users condemned him for his action, calling him “the most hated man on the internet.”

After stealing the cap from the boy, Szczerek doubled down: “The recent incident at the tennis match has caused a disproportionate online uproar. It’s all about the famous hat, of course. Yes, I took it. Yes, I did it quickly. But as I’ve always said, life is first come, first served.”

He continued: “I understand that some people might not like it, but please, let’s not make a global scandal out of the hat. It’s just a hat. If you were faster, you would have it.” Sczcerek then threatened legal action against his critics: “I remind you that insulting a public figure is subject to legal liability. All comments, slander, and insinuations will be analyzed for the possibility of taking the matter to court.”

This did not go well for Sczcerek or his company.

[chrispackham]

I read the linked post to find out more about the asshole billionaire and it takes an editorial turn that I wasn't expecting

[horsefigureoftheday]

I love you Sebago, I would die for you Sebago

[fern-tdvuh]

Ok first I need everyone to know that the owner posted another picture of Sebago and like. She could easily be a moose for Halloween.

Also, the official Guinness World Record for tallest mule was a dude named Apollo, who was the same height but weighed in at 100lbs heavier.

[chrispackham]

This mule gets a cutscene when it comes out of the barn

[mortalityplays]

I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter was one of the best works of sci-fi of our generation and one of the best works of transgender fiction ever written, and there are world renowned authors who still have successful careers after they publicly assassinated the nascent woman who wrote it. I don't think they should ever know peace.

[mortalityplays]

Isabel Fall is the patron saint of works unwritten and art unmade by a culture that cannot tolerate trans women

[mortalityplays]

I think this constantly and then I get angry for thinking it, because trans women should not have to be martyrs or saints to animate our politics and our art. that work should have been her debut, not her epitaph. I should be moved by her career, not her absence. I could spit.

[mortalityplays]

read it again

[3liza]

the Montenegro national anthem is so good that if you look it up on youtube 100% of the comments are just people checking in from all over the world to say how good it is and wishing Montenegro the best. and they're right. it's the best national anthem on the planet and probably always will be

[chrispackham]

Truly the Carmina Burana of national anthems

[escuerzoresucitado]

[the-moon-loves-the-sea]

Shared here today by Matthew Boroson on Facebook.

Tanith Lee was the first woman to win the British Fantasy Award for best novel, for the second book of the Flat Earth series. She died in 2015. You can buy Tales From the Flat Earth here in paperback or here on Kindle.

[3liza]

learning to hate and cut off people who have intentionally mistreated you is an important adult skill that has been shamefully devalued in the past 40 years

[vintagegeekculture]

Roy Chiao, who appeared in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Bloodsport, Enter the Dragon, and King Hu's films, left Shanghai to become a translator for American forces during the Korean War where he was a battlefield interpreter, as he spoke 5 languages fluently. He left the US Army at the rank of Captain. After the war was over, he moved to Japan, where he was jailed for several years for a crime he committed. On getting out, he returned to Taiwan where he became the island's Heavyweight Boxing Champion. A pilot, he survived a plane crash in 1978 where his plane crashed into the mountains and exploded. A preacher who was one of Hong Kong's best known Christians, he often traveled to the US to give sermons, flying his own plane. He finally passed in 1999, after a heart attack, his fourth.

[news-wtf]

Military vs. zombies: CONPLAN-8888 details how the US plans to defeat the undead

CONPLAN 8888-11, the US military's response plan for a zombie apocalypse, began as training to teach junior officers how to create war plans

"This plan was not actually designed as a joke," explains CONPLAN 8888-11 ("Counter Zombie Dominance"), issued on April 30, 2011 by USSTRATCOM, whose normal responsibilities include overseeing America's strategic nuclear weapons, global strike capabilities and missile defense.

It originated as a scenario to train junior officers in the Department of Defense's Joint Operation Planning and Execution System (JOPES), by which the US military devises contingency plans. Instructors discovered that a zombie apocalypse scenario was a better teaching tool than using fictional scenarios about Tunisia or Nigeria as was customary at the time, which also risked being misunderstood by the public as real scenarios.

"We elected to use a completely impossible scenario that could never be mistaken as a real plan," explained the CONPLAN 8888-11 document. "Because the plan was so ridiculous, our students not only enjoyed the lessons; they actually were able to explore the basic concepts of plan and order development (fact, assumptions, specified and implied tasks, references etc.) very effectively."

With tongue in cheek — or shot to the head — the plan lays out how USSTRATCOM will handle a global uprising of the undead. When the US military goes on Zombie Condition (ZombieCon) alert, Strategic Command will begin defensive operations to protect the human population, and offensive operations to neutralize zombies by "denial, deception, disruption, degradation or destruction."

Those looking for tactical tips on killing flesh-eating monsters will be disappointed. CONPLAN 8888-11 is a staff plan that focuses on identifying the enemy, designating vital infrastructure such as food, power and medical care, and coordinating friendly forces.

[abbulark]

Okay well, the problem with this is that it primes them to think of their actual enemies as monsters to a degree that is much more profound than the idea of fighting Nigerian people or whatever... And they did it very specifically because they didn't want people to be mad...

It's not actually that ridiculous that a military might be trying to identify enemies and friends in a scenario where people you would otherwise consider your friends are now enemies. The fact that they're training in a scenario that can be layered very easily over American city streets is very unsettling to me.

So what this article is saying is they've been teaching the military how to try to differentiate between good citizens and ones you're allowed to kill, and they've been doing this for over a decade.

[3liza]

i mean this in the gentlest possible way but are you a beautiful innocent baby bird, who has just hatched from a lovely speckled egg not more than fifteen minutes ago

[unteriors]

Spruce Avenue, Rochester, Pennsylvania.

[chrispackham]

Stardew Valley farmhouse spring Year 1

[mysharona1987]

[futurebird]

Tube loitering

One of the downsides to connecting your nests using long tubes is "ant loitering" some ants like to just hang out in the tubes because they retain a little moisture and it's near everything. This will cause the tubes to get dirty and less attractive... hence my new invention of a "mid tube fan."

Getting ants to do anything is next level. They respond to every change and not in the ways you'd predict. They are sensitive to temp, light levels and air currents in ways that aren't obvious. I just need to find a small enough fan and 3D print a little holder for it. 

I recently cleared out a tube that the cone ants blocked with sand, using ... the legs of dead crickets like rebar to reenforce the structure. They had made this whole barricade to regulate the air flow to the nest (hence I'd never recommend a fan on a nest tube)

I guess building a wall out of cricket legs (as struts) with a sand slurry like concrete... isn't any more strange than those early humans with their bone huts...

though I still find both creepy.

[turtlesandfrogs]

Queuing this for January too.

[3liza]

need more information on this. Credit Karma has a built-in dispute process but it starts like this:

here's what i need from someone who KNOWS WHAT THIS PROCESS IS AND HOW TO DO IT, NO GUESSING, NO "I HEARD FROM" OR "I THINK IT'S LIKE THIS", HARD EXPERIENCE ONLY: how does this process start, what websites to go to, what letters to write, what option to select, and possible outcomes from there. again, HARD INFO ONLY PLEASE. feel free to share or tag to people who work in the industry or have done this.

[chrispackham]

On the TV show “Suits,” a character will reference a massively popular and universally known movie like “The Terminator” and another character will say something dumb like “I’ll be back” in Schwarzenegger voice. On “Billions,” two characters will start out talking about rigging an inside trade, one of them will say “Twist a pig’s ear, watch him squeal” and then they will literally recite all of “Miller’s Crossing” to each other

[girard]

the extent that i would be at emo night at sneaky dees every single weekend is crazy. you would think i was canadian.

[linecoveredinjellyfish]

i'm founding a new school of media criticism which i've decided to call Bitism. the Bitist school of literary analysis asks a simple question: is this work committed to the bit?

you see, any work of fiction is either committed to the bit or it's not. the worst thing a piece of media can be is ashamed of its own premise, of the genre it in habits, of the tropes and aesthetics we expect from it. to be committed to the bit does not inherently make it good, but it makes it more worthy of respect than those which are not.

also, that's not to say that a story cannot parody or criticize the genre it inhabits or mimics. we can discuss the bit, we can deconstruct the bit, we can ask ourselves whether or not it's a good bit, but to commit to it first will strengthen these discussions, not detract from them. commitment to the bit is, after all, the first step to genuine sincerity. and sincerity will exalt and elevate parody such that it can stand on its own feet.

commitment to the bit turns melodrama into camp, elevates parody to biting commentary, and allows cringe to open up into a resonant, if unpolished, expression of true emotion.

fully expect bitism to take the literary world by storm sometime in the next few years.

[chrispackham]

Everything ever written by David Mitchell. Writes sci-fi like he's slumming in a college town bar

[kristina100000]

girls after finishing the blender donut tutorial