maybe my heart's numb

Christian Doyle. 29. Physician's Assistant/Farmer's Market stand owner "I am sorry for the trouble, I suppose My blood runs red but my body feels so cold I guess I could swim for days in the salty sea But in the end the waves will discolor me"

[owenrx]

Owen had been out just a bit too long past his curfew for parole. Now many times – since he was a year in – his parole officer wouldn’t bother to check in. But it still didn’t make Owen any less nervous to be late coming home. He wanted to do good and succeed, yet lately he had felt distracted. Forgiveness from Quinn and Rory was all he had ever wanted for the past six years and finally achieving such a blessing to his sanity was humbling. And yet now he was late. Late to go home. And continue this tedious strain of a curfew for the next two and a half years. It was a solid reminder for every time he got too comfortable. Being reminded of parole was humbling but not in a positive way. For it reminded him of the best friend that wasn’t there anymore. The best friend he lost from his decisions. Yet as he rushed home, Owen watched as a bar door kicked open, two men stumbling out. He watched as one argued off, angrily drunk whilst the other used the brick wall to brace themselves, clearly winded from whatever scuffle happened behind doors. As Owen approached, despite his fear of screwing up, he could vaguely remember the face. And yet he couldn’t quite place where he had seen him before; not yet. Without any clue if this man was the antagonist or the victim, Owen could just offer out some help on a hunch. “–Hey man, you wanna go get all that cleaned up? Looks like a nasty amount of blood.” No matter how deep a grave Owen could dig for himself, his will to help always got the best of him. 

[christian-doyle]

Christian glanced up, rubbing his eye gently. It was sore, tender to the touch and he knew it wasn’t going to look pretty in the morning. His gaze landed on the man in front of him and Christian immediately recognized his face. “Uh... yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” he said, frowning at the amount of blood that was still slowly pooling in his mouth. He was embarrassed, really. It wasn’t like Christian to get into any sort of trouble like this, and to make matters worse he definitely looked a bit roughed up compared to the other guy. “Owen, right? We met at the farmer’s market...”

[withlovefromaddison]

“Yeah, I’m not a country music fan at all. I feel terrible about that because of Scarlett, but I can still be supportive without loving the genre, right?” He rolled his eyes, knowing that he and Scarlett had had their spirited debates about this on more than one occasion. It was all in good fun for the most part. “Thanks, but like I said I’m not interested in going back to school for anything. I’m more of a go with the flow type so if football isn’t my calling I’ll figure something out, even if it’s being a cashier at the store for a little bit. Plus having a three year old kind of limits my options too.” Luke flat out laughed at that last comment, quirking an eyebrow as he did so with a bit of a horrified expression. “Yeah, no, that would be the biggest mistake of that network’s existence considering I can’t even make grilled cheese without burning the shit out of it. And I fuck up ramen like once a week. I don’t even know how either, it’s sad.”

[christian-doyle]

“Scarlett? You know her?” he asked, perking an eyebrow. He felt stupid for asking. Of course everyone knew her -- she was a singer, after all. “Hey, I get it. School isn’t fun to go back to. I don’t even know if I remember how to properly study anymore, honestly. But that’s not bad either -- work as a cashier, use that money to travel the world in your spare time. The three year old may limit options, but eventually they’ll be old enough,” he said, smiling. “Yeah, but that’s what’ll make it relatable. I mean, do viewers really want to see these cookie cutter chefs anymore? Let’s see some sub-par ramen anyone can do at home,” he joked, laughing at the thought.

[to-hale-and-back-blog]

“Hm, well what are your opinions on religion, mine have changed a bit since we last talked. I guess you’re not supposed to talk about that on the first date, but I’m a rule-breaker” she said, realizing how different she was. She had focused so hard on moving on from Christian, she had become a whole new woman. She wondered if he would still like this Leah. “Baking and gardening? Christian, if you combine the two of us, we make the dream grandmother. It’s amazing.” She frowned when he mentioned drinking, “Oh Christian, don’t make me worry about you. I mean it’s a little hypocritical considering how we ended up here, but you know…I just worry.” she said, not sure it was her place to speak about, she brushed her hair away from her face, looking back at the waterfall. “God, this is crazy. I never thought this would happen.” she said, mostly to herself.

[christian-doyle]

He took a bite of his wrap, chewing thoughtfully as he eyed the waterfall. “Hm, well religion is a difficult subject. I guess... I believe in something, I just don’t know if that something is God. Grandma never used to force me to go to church, but she was Catholic and strongly believed in all of that. I guess when so many negative things happen to you, you start to lose hope in that stuff.” It was hard to believe there was a God out there watching over them all when so many people in his life had died or fallen ill. Having faith in life was difficult for him now. Sucking in a deep breath, he kept his gaze averted. “It’s nothing to worry about, Leah. Really. I just enjoy drinking and it’s nice to do it in the comfort of my own home. Plus I’ve... had a decent amount to drink over, but it’s no problem.” Christian never saw his drinking as much of an issue. He was definitely consuming more than he used to, but he saw no harm in it if he was doing it at home. “We could... go for a swim,” he suggested.

[eleanor-andrews-deactivated2019]

“You know, my father always told me, ‘it’s not about right now, it’s about the future. It’s about consequences’.I don’t know, he was a hard ass.” she said shrugging. “He was trouble, that’s all I attract is trouble.” she sighed, shaking her head. “Maybe it’s because I’m trouble.” she said shrugging. “Well that’s just kind of sad.” she said bluntly. “I go there all the time. I’m one of those annoying organic people, so I like it there. I think I’ve bought some stuff from you, but I’m not sure.” she said. “God you must be the veggie lover of all veggie lovers to run that stand.”

[christian-doyle]

“That’s not terrible advice... for a hard-ass,” he teased, rubbing the back of his neck. Parts of his body were starting to ache. Smirking, Christian shook his head. “I don’t think it really works that way. I mean, you should be able to go to the bar for a drink without feeling like you attract trouble. Unfortunately our world is full of people who like to cause problems,” he said, frowning. “Well, I too am one of those annoying organic people and I happen to think we’re the best. I... well, vegetables are delicious, and it’s satisfying to use your own home-grown food to make meals. I sort of started the stand to raise money for someone special.”

[to-hale-and-back-blog]

“Please, if there was a problem with wine, I would not be a happy gal.” she said, grabbing a glass and taking a sip. “Well my name is Leah, I’m 28 and a nurse, which I love. I really like books and…oh! Something new, I got really into midday soap operas. I watch them all the time now, it’s sort of a guilty pleasure of mine. I also kind of stopped watching Grey’s Anatomy, I was so into it, but it sort of lost it’s interest somehow.” In all reality she stopped watching it because it reminded her of Christian, but she swallowed the thought and moved forward. “I also have a new found passion of crocheting, bringing me closer to my life dream of living like a grandmother at the ripe age of 30.” she joked. “So, what should I know about Christian Doyle?” she asked, grabbing a wrap.

[christian-doyle]

Christian listened to Leah talk about herself and it was all strange to hear. The parts he already knew made him smile, but it was the new stuff, no matter how small they were, made him feel slightly distant from her. They knew everything about each other for years. He didn’t know how to feel about there being such separation between their routines, especially since it seemed like Leah had slowly moved forward while Christian kept up his old habits just to appease the void. Christian sipped his wine, wracking his brain for facts. “Hm, well let’s see. My name is Christian. I’ve had to stop introducing myself by saying ‘I’m Christian’ since it’s brought up some religious discussions on a few occasions. I’m a PA and a farmer’s market stand owner. I have a strange new interest in gardening... and possibly baking? I uh... drink a decent amount... and I seem to like my women as grandmotherly as possible,” he teased, hiding his own embarrassment. There wasn’t much to say about himself and it hadn’t dawned on him that he didn’t have the details straight. Leah had a life, she had new things to share. Christian had forced himself into limbo just to get by. He didn’t recognize much of himself anymore beyond his career and small gardening business.

[harleykincaid-deactivated202109]

Harley had been outside, smoking a cigarette when a few guys were thrown out on their asses. She couldn’t help but smirk at the sight of them, though she was a little disappointed she hadn’t been inside to see the fight that had went on before it came to an end. Her eyes moved over him as she took another drag and finally flicked her cigarette away. “Well, you look like shit.” The girl moved closer to him, and laughed that much more when she caught sight of the blood on his lip. “Hopefully someone else got it better than you did?”

[christian-doyle]

Wiping away at his lip, he wasn’t expecting the woman before him to be laughing and for a moment, he felt a tinge of embarrassment flush to his cheeks. Straightening up, a continued to survey his wounds with his fingers. “I’m gonna go with a ‘yes’ to get most of my dignity back, and to compensate for how shitty my face probably his right now,” he said, frowning at the thought of actually having to observe it all in a mirror later. “On the bright side, I seem to have amused you in some way. Do you always hang outside of bars to laugh at the injured?” he joked.

[caseyxjames-blog]

It was a Friday night. She just wanted to try something different. Her body was pulling her to something dangerous. So, you know, why not visit a bar at 9 in the evening? She was twenty, after all. It’s not like younger people haven’t tried to sneak into this particular establishment. Thankfully, they didn’t card. But she was sure she made them suspicious by ordering a Coke. She didn’t even like Coke, but here she was. It took her a sip of the bubbly liquid to remind herself just how much she disliked it. And the regret of knowing she actually had to pay for something she was – essentially – going to have to force herself to drink weighed her mood down a little further.

And then the brawl happened, and Casey was reminded that the world had worse problems than her not enjoying her beverage. Her eyes widened, head whipping over shoulder to look at the scene. It was almost over as soon as it started, the two individuals being tossed out. See, this is why she shouldn’t be “adventurous” and go to “bars.” Casey fished some money from her pocket and placed it on the table, not even bothering to finish her drink. That one sip was enough, and she was way out of her comfort zone here. She hopped down the bar stool and headed out, effectively ending her ‘evening at the bar’ that lasted all of 5 minutes. She didn’t expect to see one of the brawlers stood against the building once she made her way out of the door.

She returned the nervous laughter, taking in the sight of him and feeling sympathy for his wounds. 

“Yeah, no kidding.” She watched him for a moment before wondering if she should do anything to help him.The words left her lips before it registered in her head the potentially terrible ways offering a stranger your help could go.

“Do you– I don’t know, do you need to some help? Like some bandages at least? You look pretty–” She had no other word for it. “–banged up.” She pursed her lips. “Hope the other guy looks worse,” she added after a moment, thinking it would be good to end on some kind ‘positive note’.

[christian-doyle]

Christian let out a chuckle at the seemingly nervous girl’s words, wiping away at his face before any blood could resurface. He wasn’t expecting anyone to offer any sort of help, at least not after the incident that ensued just moments before. They were tossed out like rebellious teens who were getting into too much trouble and for a moment Christian remember he wasn’t in his college years anymore. Cracking a small smile, he shook his head at the girl. “Ah, no...no, it’s okay. Really. It’ll heal all on its own eventually,” he said, frowning when he realized specks of blood were surfacing on his cheek. “I mean, unless you walk around with bandages? I guess I could use a spare...” His thoughts were frazzled and he realized he wasn’t making much sense, trying his best to push his nerves and anxieties aside. “I hope the other guy does, too. I didn’t get the best look at him before he sprinted off down the street. You’d think I was in a fight with myself with how fast he disappeared,” he joked, feeling a sour taste in his mouth. Christian then fully noticed the girl from inside the bar. “Coke. You know, many get a side of rum or vodka with that order,” he said, perking an eyebrow. “I-I’m not being creepy... I just happened to overhear you when you made your order.”

[daisy-harrison-blog]

“Ah yes, the park, that must be quite nice! I live in Bell Meade. The house is pretty far from others so it’s just greenery everywhere you look” She explained. “Try and I’ll fight you!” Daisy laughed. “Sounds great!”

[christian-doyle]

“I’m jealous. Bell Meade looks incredible -- so much open space, not to mention gorgeous homes. The city can be exciting, but also a little tiring. There’s something nice about the quietness of the outskirts,” he said, thinking back to the time he had gone to Scarlett’s home. “Alright, I’ll let you know when I wanna use that coupon and we’ll be all set.”

[scarlettwoodsen-deactivated2017]

Scarlett winced at the blatant mention of Leah, long past her ill feelings of the entire situation but not liking the tone he was using with her in the slightest. Something was really off. “Right, all is right in the world. That explains the whole black eye, the blood coming from your mouth, and why you’re out on the street at 2 AM. You’re brilliant, Christian.” Her eyes flashed with a hint of anger, but she was determined. She wasn’t leaving until he gave in to a few of her demands and at least got off of the street.

[christian-doyle]

Christian could sense Scarlett’s annoyance with him and he didn’t mean to bring that out of her, but he wasn’t entirely sure how he should be feeling right now. Things had suddenly hit a wall in the past 24 hours and for some reason, their usual positive, “everything will be okay” talks didn’t seem like it was going to cut it, mostly due to his recent stubborn nature. “It was just a difficult night, nothing to worry about. I’ll make my way home eventually, anyway. But I could also say the same for you -- minus the black eye and blood, I believe you’re also out at 2am.”

[scarlettwoodsen-deactivated2017]

Scarlett frowned, not fighting him as he pulled away from her but her frustration grew as she shifted out of the way as well. She could tell something was wrong and she wasn’t satisfied in the slightest with the amount of information she was getting out of him. Letting out a huff, Scarlett crossed her arms over her chest, jutting out her hip as she studied him. Christian’s face was worse off than she had originally picked up on. “Funny, because you literally told me like two weeks ago that you didn’t get into fights, let alone physical ones. You’re bleeding, you idiot,” Scarlett exclaimed, throwing up her hands in frustration. “You can either come with me and I’ll get you some ice to put on that eye, or I’m taking your intoxicated ass down to the hospital.”

[christian-doyle]

Shaking his head, Christian bowed his head again. “I’m a doctor, remember? Or a PA -- no hospital for me, I think I can take care of it,” he said, laughing to himself for a moment. It was a mixture of the alcohol, adrenaline, and pure fear about his recent discovery that was spiraling him out of control. “People can change -- two weeks is a long time, a lot happens in two weeks.” Running a hand through his hair, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Scarlett, you don’t have to take care of me. Everything’s good, remember? The stand at the market is great, Leah is back and doens’t hate my guts -- everything is right in the world.”

[colby-alexandria]

“Not well or anything, but yeah! We used to take trips up to the mountain trails sometimes and do those guided horse rides. I never actually worked closely with them, though. I just think they’re neat.” She’d always begged her parents for a horse, but they’d never delivered. “Boom,” she said, making nerdy finger guns as the plan was formulated. “It’s settled. We’ll totally make it big. We can buy some fancy house in Paris. Hell, we can live on the Eiffel Tower.” She nodded seriously, knowing they absolutely couldn’t, but willing to suspend disbelief for a short time. “I like to read anything, really. I’m more partial to fiction though. So things like Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, things like that. My favorite ever book though, is Fahrenheit 451 though, I think. It’s so good. I just used to run a lot in high school. I played soccer those four years. So I guess the cardio just kind of carried over,” she laughed.

[christian-doyle]

“They’re definitely neat, I feel like a lot of people around here ride horses. Can’t blame them, though. It seems like a cool hobby to pick up. I’ve never been on a horse, so...” Christian shrugged, making a mental note to try it out sometime. “On the Eiffel Tower? I like you big dreams, Colby. I might have to grow more world-famous zucchini, though,” he joked. “Harry Potter is definitely a must-read, but I can’t say I ever got into the Hunger Games craze. Sad to say, but the last thing I’ve read is a medical textbook. Recommended read, obviously. It’s funny -- I played football in high school. I know, very typical jock sport, but I didn’t mind running back then. But if you asked me to run now, i don’t think I’d make it very far.”

[daisy-harrison-blog]

“Do you have a nice view? Which area do you live in if you don’t mind me asking? Cause my view is so gorgeous, everywhere I turn, but I can’t imagine it being the same in the city.” Daisy said. “Perfect! And of course I’ll pay, it sounds like the money is going for a good cause so I’d be happy to help. Whenever you’re free, you can use your free baking lesson coupon!” 

[christian-doyle]

“I live in Midtown. It’s a bit obstructed honestly, but you can catch a nice view of the park if you look really close. What about you? What area do you live in?” ” he asked. “I may have to protest that again later, but for now you can have it your way. I’ll definitely let you know the minute I’m free.”

[unstoppable-james-deactivated20]

“Connecticut” James answered with a smile, “How long have you been in Nashville? If you don’t mind me asking”

[christian-doyle]

“Ah, nice. Not too unfamiliar to me, actually. And I don’t mind you asking at all. I’ve been in Nashville for about a year now, I moved here from Massachusetts. What brought you back?”

[scarlettwoodsen-deactivated2017]

She debated about reaching out to steady him, deciding he was steady enough on his own two feet for at least the time being. Still, she was concerned. Scarlett chuckled at his next comment despite their current situation, tugging him out of the way by his wrist as a few more individuals began to disperse out of the bar. “I like your face, Christian, yes. Your broody eyebrows and stylish hair are as on point as ever. But you’re hurt,” Scarlett replied, motioning towards the black eye. 

[christian-doyle]

Christian avoided the brief looks he received from those passing by, rubbing his lip to wipe away the remaining drops of blood. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell Scarlett, or rather how much he wanted to tell her. They were so open with each other, but when it came to his family, that was a topic that was difficult to even share with Leah. “Just a little roughed up is all, really I’m good. Just not really my night, I guess. I probably shouldn’t be getting involved in bar drama either, but,” Christian shrugged, sighing. “It is what it is," he said, slipping away from Scarlett's grasp.

[to-hale-and-back-blog]

“Yeah, yeah it’s perfect. It’s nice to be just us two for once. Everything is usually better when it’s just us two.” she said, moving the dirt around with her foot. She laughed as she neared the water, feeling the cool air come off the pool. “Christian, I love it. I love all of it. It’s all perfect, please stop worrying.” she said smiling at him. “You’re incredibly cute when you’re nervous, but I don’t want you to be nervous around me. I’m Leah, you’re Christian, everything else just falls into place.” she assured him. The waterfall roared in the back and she sat down, leaning her head back, absorbing her surroundings. “Now, do not worry yourself, but I’m kind of allergic to peanuts now, so if any of this has peanuts in it, I can’t eat it.” she confessed, biting down on her lip. “I know I should have told you, I just forgot, I’m sorry. When I was sick a bunch of weird stuff happened to my body, and it sort of hates peanuts now.”

[christian-doyle]

Christian nodded, trying his best to calm the nerves stirring up within him at her command. I’m Leah, you’re Christian. Everything else just falls into place. It was nice hearing her say that. Taking a seat, Christian continued to assemble the setting in from of them. “Oh... alright, no problem. We can skip the pie, then. You’re good with wine, though, right? Because that might be a deal-breaker...” he teased, a fake look of caution spread about his features. Finally managing to calm down, he poured him and Leah glasses of wine. “I’m glad you love it. And I’m glad we could do this... it’s nice,” he said, smiling. “Alright, so tell me about yourself, stranger. This is obviously our first date, I know nothing about you,” he joked, sipping his wine. 

[eleanor-andrews-deactivated2019]

“You see, I’ll never understand that. What relief is getting beat up going to give you? You have a nice face, why ruin it?” she said, shaking her head. “Wait, every day annoys me and I don’t have a patience for it. Are you saying that’s not normal?” she joked, watching him clean himself. She didn’t particularly like the blood, and looked away as it continued to ooze from her wounds. “Am I okay? Of course, I deal with idiots like that all the time. He was just a little larger than the normal idiot.” she said, trying to appear confident. She was a little shaken, but she couldn’t let anyone know that. Angela was tough, she needed to be. “I mean, I probably could’ve taken him a little more gracefully than you did. Your eye looks like it’s going to be pretty ugly in the morning.” she said. “Aren’t you that guy that runs the little vegetable stand? I really never saw you as the drinking alone type. You should feel special, I’m rarely wrong.” she observed. 

[christian-doyle]

Chuckling, Christian smirked at the girl. “Thanks... me and my nice face just don’t seem to care all that much right now.” He shrugged, sniffling in hopes that no more blood would spill out from his nostrils. “You don’t seem like you put up with guys like that which is good. But still, you shouldn’t have to deal with it. I wasn’t going to get involved, but... he just seemed like trouble,” he said, touching his eye gently. It was definitely going to be swollen in the morning. He wasn’t expecting the girl to recognize and he smiled gently when she did. “Yeah. My name’s Christian. And I guess this time you’re wrong for once -- I tend to drink alone quite often, but it’s usaully in the comfort of my own apartment. Do you go to the market often?”

[scarlettwoodsen-deactivated2017]

It had been another late night for Scarlett- which was becoming somewhat of a habit in her hectic lifestyle. The album had taken off in full force, and if it wasn’t technical meetings she was being forced to attend dealing with the budget and scheduling issues, it was the endless amount of interviews and promoting to be done to insure a successful launch. Though she’d kept all complaining at bay, she was currently running on about three hours of sleep and far too many soy lattes to count. Perhaps that’s why she didn’t realize she’d taken the long way home when she finally looked up from her phone. Still, apparently it was a good thing she had. Her eyes flickered over to scuffle happening just a few feet up ahead, a door slamming shut as a man and whoever else he was with got booted out of the establishment. It looked like some sort of bar. Scarlett continued to approach, hesitantly at first, until she heard the voice. Damn it, Christian. She hadn’t seen him for a few weeks- things had gotten crazy on both of their ends. Still, she couldn’t stop the wave of confusion that rushed over her. “What the hell happened to your face?”

[christian-doyle]

It was Scarlett’s voice and immediately he cocked his head to the side, avoiding her gaze. He didn’t want her to see him like this. He didn’t want anyone he knew seeing him. Whatever was going on inside of his head and with his parents was something that was so difficult to share. He had drunkenly spilled information to Fee one night, and while it was a simple fact -- his parents were dead-- he was afraid to share anything he may uncover. His thoughts were racing and he didn’t know how to sort them or how to go about dealing with the box of memories sitting in the middle of his living room back home. Balling his fists to cease the slight tremble in them, he stared at the floor. “Hey,” he said, casually. “I’m fine. Just... a little too chivalrous for my liking, I guess,” he joked, almost in a sick humor. “I thought you liked my face? What’s wrong with it?”