i fancy you ♥ @christinly-blog - Tumblr Blog

And the worst part is,

the only person I want to talk to, isn't even here anymore.

I don't know what sucks more, how much I miss you, or how I can't even tell you that I miss you..

You were always the one who said "I can't wait until you turn 21, you seem like I down ass bitch." My heart breaks every time I think about this, you left me before I can even turn 21. So today, it's my birthday.. The one thing I wanted to do the most was to come see you, sorry I came so late but I'm glad I made it. I miss you so much Kathy, I wish this was just a nightmare that I can wake up from already. Happy 21st birthday to me, and we did spend it together after all. I love you baby girl and I miss you every day.

Today marks one month that I got the call to rush to the hospital because my best friend got into a car accident, and might not make it. I really thought that you were going to make it, you’ve always been a fighter. When the doctors let us into the ICU I really thought that was a good sign that you were recovering, not to find out that all your organs were failing and that was the last time I was going to see your beautiful face again, and I could not believe how flawless you still looked lying there, with those false lashes still perfectly attached. I went to work at ease because the doctors said they would do everything they could, they would put you on life support until you stopped fighting. Why did you stop so early?! It hurts so much more today, because it’s been one tough fricken month.. We never went over two days without texting or FaceTimeing each other, and now I will never ever hear your annoying laugh, stupid jokes and hear you nag about anything again. I miss you so much Kathy, and it sucks so much because you would’ve been the one I would’ve ran to tell all this to. I literally have no one to cry to, complain to, tell stupid jokes to anymore. The worse part is, occasionally I’d still accidentally FaceTime you since you’re still on my favorites in contacts. I hope you’re doing well up there and not sad because I’m sad. We all love you so much down here, I just miss you so much my heart breaks. Today I really wanted to buy flowers and plant them in for you, so I went and got you a few daisies, they were yellow and bright.. Turns out I had no shovel, so I literally started to pull out the grass and use a soup spoon to bury it in. I know, as you would say “you had one job.” I love you so much, and I miss you. Don’t you ever forget that Kathy Phan.

#made with tumblr #gif

This is so me and Kathy 👭

I lost my best friend today. My heart was so broken watching them lower and close that casket onto your body. You never really know the feeling until you see it for yourself. I would’ve never expected to lose someone so young, especially you, my one and only best friend. I am so terribly sorry that I was always too busy for you whenever you wanted to hang out, I’m sorry for all the excuses I made because time wasn’t convenient. I’m sorry I couldn’t take a Saturday off to go to your graduation. I will do anything to just have even a glimpse of you back. I won’t make any more excuses, I promise you…. And the hardest part was watching them roll you into the crematory, then pressing the button, I’m so numb. I can feel my entire body shaking. You are my other half, and I know it won't get easier but I'll smile, I will keep my head up, and I will love, for you. For my best friend, Kathy Khanh Phan. Rest in love princess. 🦄 September 10, 1993 - May 20, 2016

This one's for you baby. I've know you for three years now almost and I feel like I've known you a life time. I have so much I still want to tell you, I always pick up my phone and have the urge to text you because it still hasn't registered to me that you're gone... We still have so much we haven't done yet. Who's gonna sing happy birthday to me every year now?! I'm not even 21 yet! We didn't get to get shit faced like we said we would. Remember when I bought you that fish and you killed it within a week?! I'm gonna miss our monthly dates when we get together and shit on everyone we hate in life. I'm gonna miss FaceTimeing you to tell you about my day. I'm gonna miss you getting mad at me because I didn't say I loved you before I hung up. I promise I won't forget anymore. I'll see you soon beautiful. You'll always be in my heart

I miss writing.

'Cause love don't know what distance is.

It's always been you.

saucyfbaby

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christinly-blog

Even if we fight a million times over little things, we can always make it better. I meant what I said when I gave you that promise ring.

I miss high school for my friends. Even though it was all a lie, I think I was happier living a lie and being the happiest girl on earth than living reality with no one to talk to.

I love you

Words can't explain how fucking mad I am right now. I haven't been so mad to the point that I've cried in a while. Mom needs fucking surgery because of some stupid stone in her liver and doesn't want my dad to know. What kind of shit is that?! I know they say women never talk about their problems but god damn, this is fucking life or death. This isn't some kind of sick joke. I told her that I was gonna tell him and she has the nerve to say "I hate you, that's why I don't ever want to tell you anything." Are you fucking kidding me???! Don't you understand that I fucking care about you? You're the most important person in the world and you think that I'm going to let you go through this alone? What kind of daughter would I be if I let you do that?! I don't care how strong you're pretending to be, I know that deep down inside, you're scared and you're pretending that you're not. But I'm not letting you go through this alone. I won't.

aspiringtrophyhusband

lyjerria

Accept the fact that you will grow apart from people you’ve had significant relationships with. Understand when someone no longer positively affects your life. Let them go. Don’t hinder your growth.

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