Rainbow Revolutionary

A Manifesto, Style & Manners Guide for a New Gay Liberation

[christophermooreworx]

The Difference Between Tops and Bottoms

It's really quite elementary.

You remember that old pop psychology book Women Are From Venus, Men are from Mars?

Try Tops are From God, Bottoms Are from Hell.

Questions? Consult the handy chart below.

[pervocracy]

There’s a little rat inside your head.

This rat doesn’t know anything, but it knows that sometimes snacks fall into its cage, and sometimes the floor shocks its feet.  It likes the snacks, and it hates the shocks.  It will tell you to do things that produce snacks, and it will tell you not to do things that produce shocks.

This little rat is not the only power inside your head, and it might not be the strongest, but it’s there and it has influence.

So pay attention to how you’re treating the little rat.

If every time you learn something new, you say to yourself “ugh, I’m so ignorant for not already knowing this,” you’re shocking the rat.  You’re teaching it to be afraid of learning new things, to associate it with embarrassment and self-criticism.

Remember to feed the rat instead.  Tell it “now I know, and that is good,” and let it eat its snack in peace.

If every time you take care of yourself and your home, you say to yourself “ugh, I never do this enough, and I’ll never get it right,” you’re shocking the rat.  You’re teaching the rat that it was safer when you didn’t try to take care of things.

Feed the rat instead.  Praise what you have done, forgive what you haven’t, so the rat can feel safe.

When the rat takes a step in the right direction, even if the step is too small or slow or not in quite the right direction, feed it.  Don’t shock it for being imperfect; it’ll only learn not to take any steps at all.  Feed it, and let it get bolder, and take bigger steps, and give it bigger rewards for those bigger steps.

Be kind to your little rat.

[labelleizzy]

🐀🐀🐀 *pat, pat, pat*

[christophermooreworx]

The Ten Year Challenge

How is it all these guys' ten year challenge pix look like the older pic was taken in a photo booth, and their current pic looks like they are professional models?

Here's Ann Boleyn's 10 year challenge:

[christophermooreworx]

Happy 50th Birthday, Jared Leto! Woof

[christophermooreworx]

Mother Warned You

If he asks you if you want some candy, would you get in the van?

He drives a fucking van? What is he? Shaggy, with Scooby Doo riding shotgun in the Mystery Machine?

Sorry. Dudes who lure people into their vans are either pedos or Ted Bundy.

Try me again when he gets a Tesla or a Lexus.

[christophermooreworx]

So Demanding

The caption that came with this photo in a gay forum read "Because I said so!"

Oh, really?

No, I won't stop laughing at your boring old tribal tattoo that you and every other lunkhead who jumped on the bandwagon rushed out and got at Ink-Iz-Us in some strip mall next to a head shop in Tired, West Virginia.

Because I said so.

[christophermooreworx]

Gay Guy TMI

Post recently seen in a group for gay men:

Why do gay guys find the need to announce their sexual preference and position?

Why, indeed. Here's my response:

Because they want it understood up front that even though all you said was "hello" they dont intend to waste one millisecond of time on people who want to "talk" or "get to know you" or "make sure youre not a psycho who will kill you if you let a total stranger in your apartment in the middle of the night for sex."

What they want understood upfront is that they have no interest in:

A) you, just your cock/ass and whether it meets their standard;

B) Compromising on any aspect of your sexual encounter IF YOU MAKE IT THAT FAR, because they only do what they like, and nothing but what they like, so its really THEIR sexual encounter. "You" showing up at all is a necessary evil to get your cock/ass; and oh yes:

C) (if they are a bottom, and they are always bottoms)

Bring your top buddies. You know, the ones you call up for greedy bottoms like him. Cuz you tops are all in a club. You enjoy bringing your friends to sex hookups where you get at their ass every other half hour or so, and bring a magazine, because other bottoms are NOT allowed!!!

NEXT TIME THIS HAPPENS, Ive made you a little note you can cut & paste & send them when you get that right out of the shoot:

Dear Bottom:

1. The answer, the only answer is versatile. Back when gay liberation started, if you were only top or only bottom, you were considered to be suffering from internalized homophobia.

2. And even in a random hookup at a pickup joint, it was rude to ask that or announce that before you even take a sip from thst drink he just bought you.

3. Well....maybe I will or maybe I wont. See, it depends on the situation and the person!!!

4. Thank you for letting me know you wont be that situation or person. Cuz you robbed me of the chance to find out what you like in the moment and try to please you, which is what i really like.

5. I cannot honor your subsequent request for a picture of my penis, unless you are my mom, my dad, my boyfriend/husband, my tailor, a fellow actor in a dressing room, or a licensed medical professional. Because these are the only people I show my cock to without dinner and a movie first. Or, ya know. The word "please."

6. I dont need to see yours. I already know you're a dick.

Please show this to your gay friends at brunch when you complain about nobody being serious about a relationship.

[christophermooreworx]

Mythtacular

I've had a challenging couple of weeks beyond the obvious challenge we have all been  collectively experiencing. i hope you may indulge me as I talk through the big life lesson I have now learned, and offer it should it be useful to any who may need it..

I'm a writer by trade.  I've written many times about real people, and confronted the issue of dramatizing living individuals in my first hit show. This week, I had an opportunity to be on the receiving  end of that experience, and put that particular shoe on my other foot. 

Before i go on, a confession.  i have a propensity for offering help to guys who seem to need it.  More often than not, I fall hard for them. I recognize their potential, not unlike an instinct I have when I sit auditions. ,My track record for following those instincts at auditions is consistently home runs; in my personal life, disaster doesnt seem too strong a word

. Even as recently as the  last few years, I indulged my savior complex   for two different guys i knew from my rehab-recovery past.

 One became our roommate,  and we collectively identified as family with my husband Marc & I. 

The other had been  a drug counselor of mine; one of the only voices that offered me any tools of value about how to kick crystal meth. Now that I was stable and in recovery, he had relapsed. After all the help he'd been to me,  how could I not return in kind when he was now where Id been? 

Oh. I musn't forget the funny crazy guy Id met,  who after months of not returning my calls, phoned me in tears and in a panic. It seemed his new  roommate was psycho and getting aggressive not only with him but hurt his poor little dog, and he had nowhere to go? I told him to come on over. Bring the dog. It was to be for only a month. That became six months. Saw him through his mother's death but he wouldnt socialize with any of us. But we did see that the dog was walked and fed.  

All three of these guys turned out to be nightmares. All three blame me personally for some reason, and all three I'm sure would speak ill of me.

 I know where this pattern began . See, that play I had a chance to stream a performance of where I was written about?  It was written by a young actor who broke my heart, and who I broke my life apart for. Even then, I was already an older man looking foolish for a younger one.  Everyone warned me about him, but I ignored it all in the name of helping him launch his career. The relationship, despite my best efforts, went down in flames. More accurately, I went down in flames. He went down on  another older guy, and was eventually sent back home to his mother. She's in the play too, expressing opinions about me. 

i wanted to see if time and maturity had given him any perspective. I wanted to see if he'd acknowledge how much I'd loved him. His play  chronicles this period of our past. He talks a lot about drugs, and thats not news to anyone who knows me. He found his way to recovery, and I to mine. Mine was bogged down for years trying to reconcile the guy id loved with the heartless hustler who moved on when he'd gaslighted me into craziness. Id finally accepted that the answer was somewhere between the two.  That answer had allowed me to get on with life. 

And what did I learn from his play?. He really was a heartless hustler who was gaslighting me!   He says so, proud of his skills. That he has managed to exploit his trail of destruction into a self-congratulatory recovery story, and  be lauded for his honesty in every review is simply proof of an old truth:

There is nothing more valued or esteemed in the theatre than sincerity;

And once you can fake that, you've got it made.

The gall of his arrogance ate at me.  I considered a variety of options. Luckily,  wiser trusted friends I have in the business advised me against such actions.  What matters, truly, is my peace of mind, and moving on once and for all from my misguided love and sacrifice. Twenty-plus years is enough.

And now,  having shared this, I feel I am really well and truly done. 

I believe everyone needs a soft place to land. I just need that place not to be in my lap for the forseeable future.

[christophermooreworx]

The Third Rail Topics of Gay Sexual Behavior

In the last several years, as I've processed my experiences as a sexual gay man, I've come to realize how little thought guys invest in the conduct of their sexual lives. For something they spend so much time pursuing and doing, to a man I find them unwilling or uninterested in contemplating what drives them in this pursuit.

I believe strongly that the gay community has abdicated responsibility for behaviors and attitudes that are part of the fabric of gay male life today.

Gay people comprise an oppressed minority. Sociologically, an oppressed minority culture develops in oppressed conditions, as a coping and survival mechanism. Many elements of that culture become vital experiences for its members. When it happens that such an oppressed minority achieves liberation, what becomes vital and necessary is a debriefing and examination of those behaviors, to move forward and shed the neurosis of oppression. Examples abound: in South Africa, when apartheid ended, Nelson Mandela made this one of his 1st priorities, as freedom allowed the collective anger of the black majority to come to a boil, and the world held its breath for the bloodbath they exp

ected, as had happened in other African countries against their colonial oppressors. Mandela made it known that this was not his wish, and that an examination with a goal of healing was how the nation would move forward.

1. What is a healthy and realistic model for a gay male marriage or commited partnership?

2. The tolerance for unsafe sex and glamorization of "bug chasing."

3. The stigma and lack of understanding for being sexually versatile.

4. The promiscuity of gay men statistically vs. the norm.

5. For the eldest generation of gay men, a shift in attitude about aging and a commitment to healthy actualized life out and proud in one 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond.

6. An examination of attitudes regarding younger gay men & sexual relationships with them.

7. Mentoring, and the standards for friendships among gay men.

Comments are always welcome.

[christophermooreworx]

What is sexy?

The single most over-used word among gay men in any and every conversation is. "hot." Or if you are a teenage cheerleader in a gay man's body, often in print, "hawt." We all think we agree about what this means, but ask a gay mean to define it, and you will likely get a variety of answers. Most of them will start with some reference to his physical attributes. Occasionally, he will follow up with "well, its also his personality."

This is, I believe, what we are all trying to say, but don't know it. It's a guy's sexiness.

Sexiness is more than just being physically pleasing to the eye. Any random survey of gay men will find that preference for physical types ranges all over the map...guys who only like gym physiques, guys into younger types, black guys exclusively, bears or "dad bods" all have loyal admirers.

But I submit that there is one thing that is always, always sexy, no matter your physical type preference, be it size, or ethnic background or age, or for that matter, your sexual identity.

That thing is "casual confidence." The way we carry ourselves, and think of ourselves, has a powerful effect on how attractive one is perceived to be. The easiest way to illustrate is a classic scene from most of our gay lives. Picture yourself in a gay bar, cruising. You smile, you don't smile. You get no play all night. Suddenly, an old friend shows up, and your focus shifts to your friend, and lively conversation ensues. Suddenly, you are keenly aware of intense interest in you. Why does this happen? Because you have become yourself, and relaxed, and your priority is not being chosen by a guy.

This ability to be oneself is a powerful aphrodisiac. Casual confidence conveys an easy, unassuming, masculinity. Think of George Clooney. That he is physically handsome is undeniable; he has been that for his entire career. But what makes him one of the sexiest men alive is his intelligence, wit, easy smile, and ability to not take himself too seriously. Moreover, he has aged from young hunk to silver fox seemingly effortlessly.

To contrast, think of Tom Cruise... his numerous failed marriages, his insistence on risk-taking stunts, and aversion to the point of lawsuits about his alleged gay life and allegiance to Scientology. Coupled with his insistence on maintaining his bankable star status at the expense of serious acting roles, despite his age, he reeks of self-consciousness and desperation. The essence of trying too hard. And trying too hard is obvious to anyone. Desperation is the opposite of sexy. Does anyone find the big scary leather-clad monosyllabic ogre type top sexy? No. Because it is a cartoon. And if you want to sleep with a cartoon, Bugs Bunny at least will keep you amused and not be put off if you put on a pair of cha cha heels every now and then.

I have an acquaintance who best illustrates the power of casual confidence. Though he has now had surgery to reduce, he was a mid-thirties man who was large. Really really large. He hit me up on a site, and his picture was of a smiling, open guy whose profile smacked of fun. He did list his weight accurately, but he was so persistent and charming that I quite forgot about his weight until he showed up for our hookup. My roommates were home, and i was a little embarrassed, frankly. But no sooner had we met, when he literally charmed the pants off me, and moreover, was one of the most enthusiastic partners Ive ever had in the sack.

I soon found out that my experience was not unique, and many "hot" guys were among his conquests. This defies all the common wisdom about weight being an almost universal turnoff. What he does is project his best asset, his personal charm, humor and gift of gab, and never refer to his own weight, even in a self-deprecating manner. As a strategy, it is brilliant. And an insight for us all. Thinking that acknowledging our physical faults somehow makes us more endearing is not "hot." Apologizing for oneself in advance is not sexy.

Thoughts?

[christophermooreworx]

What This Blog Is All About

I'm Christopher Moore, a Chicago-based writer/composer/designer, winner of 2 Jeff Awards for the musicals SON OF FIRE & POPE JOAN, director of the smash-hit play JERKER, and currently at work on the musicals MeThoPoTaMia and ISABELITA! THE LAST PERÓN. Im also:

57 year-old GWM;

a student of culture, both classic & pop; (think Masterpiece Theatre meets Hee Haw);

an empathetic explorer and champion of the human condition;

spiritual seeker;

eternal student;

critic & curmudgeon.

I've been keenly aware as I grew from awareness and acceptance of my sexual identity as a boy, to the acceptance of my masculine sexual identity today as an adult man, of the struggles and difficulties, as well as the joys and privileges of being a sexually active gay man in America today. I was precocious enough to be aware and part of the 1st civil rights movements for GLBTQA citizens, "Gay Liberation" and through the AIDS crisis to the unprecedented historic Supreme Court decision ratifying our right to marry, and thus be full participants in American life.

In addition, Ive explored most every avenue available to gay men sexually, in a quest to find my inner "hot." In the process, I think Ive learned how to help other men find their inner "hot" too. Very few of us are able to identify and highlight what is uniquely sexy about ourselves, so that is a part of the focus of this blog.

The other chief aim is to call out, define and provide guidance about what we do right, and a lot we do wrong, in the conduct of our sexual lives.

I believe that we as gay men, now that we are affirmed as full citizens, have an obligation to ourselves, to our fallen brothers who didnt live to see this day, to the young gay men coming up behind us, and also to the brave friends and allies whose advocacy was crucial to our victory, to fulfill the promise of being authentic and actualized gay men by fostering, defining and extending what gay community means.

It was often spoken of, in the days of gay lib, that there was such a thing as gay sensibility. It is my aim to revive that concept, and put the common sense back into gay sensibility.

You are free to ask " Who am I to set myself up as an authority? " I'm someone who isn't afraid to ask questions and call it like I see it. As such, I consider myself a Rainbow Revolutionary. I may not be the most qualified individual, but Im not afraid to start the conversation.

I welcome any dialogue done in a respectful spirit of sharing points of view.

[christophermooreworx]

The Gay Male Meth User: a typology

To those who are new to this blog and who I am, I'll introduce myself in my next post. Rather than delay any longer I'll dive right in.

There are in my experience, 3 types of meth user:

A. The Garbage Junkie.

They arent esp.picky about what drug they do. They hopscotch from one to another, and if their current DOC is unavailable or too hard to get, they switch. Their goal is to be altered & out of their own skin. They often come from heroin to meth, and mix them. This is the most benign of the three.

B. Chippendales.

They are attractive or acknowledged as "hot", and know it, but rarely state it, and demur if others do. They hate being alone or using alone, & they leverage their looks/sexual availability to get the companionship they require when they get high. They arent self-aware enough to be true whores, & use someone they really are not attracted to in some fashion; often homeless sofa-surfers who set up hookups to get off the street, but only use that fact as a last-ditch sympathy strategy. . Prideful enough to be picky about who their temporary patrons are. They often gravitate to: the 3rd type:

C. Dicktators

The alpha-male, workaholic overachieving dominant strong man. Mostly always white, over 35, in denial that they are holding the trappings of responsibility together, or in denial that they have lost the home, the job, the friends, and even other people who they use with, and think of as "buddies." This happens because they are often powderkegs, who insist and demand that they are always alway right, and therefore terrorize those around them. They absolutely will not accept any objective feedback or dissent, even from people they know have their best interests at heart.

I was definitely a type C.

The opinions expressed are my own. I welcome dialogue. The aimof this blog is to start conversations among gay men that are not happening currently. Fraternity and raising our game as a cultural community are the objective