Bru

Stuff about life ———————————————————

[chrisvand-blog]

Bro Time…

[chrisvand-blog]

Urgency

Series have replaced movies. Ive never been one for hours in front of a television but lately it has hooked me. I become so involved in the story I cry, laugh, celebrate, and miss them when I'm not watching. It slows life down. Unless you're at work. There is an urgency there to meet deadlines, performance, reports, and workloads. It is two different environments. Overstimulated at work, under stimulated at home. We are over exposed to different environments and it can make us numb in the long run. We sometimes develop a subconscious urgency to just feel alive. I have noticed that some people don't notice things. Well most people. Someone's new haircut, shaved beard, new outfit. People are more on medication for social anxiety than what they eat breakfast. We go out and party just to feel alive while being anxious around people. We are all looking for connections. To be accepted, to feel part of something bigger. An adventure, a story of redemption, a team, a wolf pack. With an alpha of course. No one wants to do this alone. We are all looking for connections and maybe thats the thing. We should stop looking. We should start being. Bring people together, create safe environments, be the alpha, be the person who helps the alpha, engage. Be fully present. Risk is called risk for a reason. It is because you don't know the outcome. And its worth pursuing. And if it fails, it fails. Then get up and take another risk. Failure, rejection, success, rewards, connections. These are all part of risk. Forget the urgency. Things take time. Nothing happens overnight. It takes consistent effort until the outcome is visible. Make a choice then to keep on or let go.

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[chrisvand-blog]

Promotion

There is just something about seeing someone grow into who they should be. The achievement of reaching a place of potential burns a passion into my heart. To see someone excel and grow...nothing beats that overwhelming feeling of celebration. One of the most powerful quotes I've come across; "I am not here to compete with anyone. I hope we all make it.". Potential is one of those priceless commodities we find in the world today. To help bring that into fulfillment is what any person should aim for. We see it in everyone around us, yet we don't always see it in ourselves. One of the biggest gifts you can give someone is to love them through their struggle into becoming their best. Guide them, make them coffee, breakfast in bed, honor them, celebrate small victories. Real leaders see potential and help develop it. My "buddy" at work is there to help me get to grips with how things work. I remember the other day when I thanked him for always helping me his response was; "That is what I am here for, and I will teach you to be better than me.". This to me is the true mark of a leader, mentor, coach, parent, and friend. To help someone excel above your own capabilities. One of my favorite movies is Man of Steal. A lot of people didn't like it but to me it was a journey of self acceptance, discovery, and growth. Superman had to make choices and he had to decide if it was him other people who would see the end of the day. Selfless sacrifice is rare and we should celebrate it. We should be armor bearers for those who go before us. Support them in whichever way we can. Servant leadership is beautiful. Acknowledge it, celebrate it, and support those appointed over you. They need it....

[chrisvand-blog]

Driven

Move to Cape Town. Check. Get a place to stay. Check. Get a job. Check. Go through training. Overwhelmed.

I was sitting in class today and it dawned on me that soon training will be done and I will be a troubleshooter for a tech company. The information sloshing through my brain at immense loads per day is daunting on paper. I realized today that the slight stomach knot was not about passing the assessments but more about my responsibility. It is scared it is going to let someone down. And this drives the machine. Its funny how responsibility is already thinking about losing a client’s confidence even when i have not encountered one yet. Responsibility is strong. It links to managers, team leaders, coaches and CEO’s when teamed with connectedness. And thus creates this overwhelming feeling that lingers like an aftertaste from a bad cup of coffee. But it gets things done. It depends if you view this as negative or positive. Responsibility is great in the sense that it creates a high work ethic. It becomes negative when it pacifies you because of fear. Fear of disappointing yourself and other people. And this is actually all in the mind. The energy that responsibility creates should be directed towards a positive output. That funny feeling in your gut can actually be viewed as a release of energy that motivates drive towards excellence. Its an executing theme and should thus be viewed as that. It wants to please, produce, win, overcome, protect, empower, and drive towards a goal…loyalty. Loyalty between people, yourself and people, and society in general. Its not a bad thing. Its a good thing. I get up in the morning because I have to. It is not a dreary “have to” it is a “have to because I want to”. It has helped me push through in really tough situations where others have thrown in the overused communal gym towel. Yes it can be draining because it takes a lot of energy sometimes to follow through, its like that for most people. But at least you learn new skills as you go along step by step.

Responsibility grows and learns which battles to fight and which to stay out of. Its about boundaries and sometimes its forced into taking the reigns, which is fine, because this is usually where the beauty of it is revealed. And responsibility likes feedback in the form of a thumbs up, high 5’s, thank you’s, or a million rand. Take your pick.

[chrisvand-blog]

Whoever you want...?

Slogans all around. Be whoever you want to be. Create your own style. You are the architect of your life. Take control....become self absorbed. These slogans only make sense in context of the rest of society. They are not meant to create individualistic people who only take care of themselves. They are meant to inspire us to be better people for the sake of those around us. Happiness can be found in relation to others. Loneliness can be found in self absorption. I once read this quote that the strongest people will always be found walking alone. Don't know hey. Yeah there are certain responsibilities that only you can carry but others can help lighten the load. We will surely burn out if we try and do this alone. I don't have competition as a dominant theme. Its a non pattern. That means I need to partner with someone who pushes the limit. I can do it but then I might take the place of someone else to naturally shine. Skills are great but sometimes not enough. A natural enthusiasm goes a much longer way. So next time you read a slogan think about how you can impact the world around you. Not just your own bubble....

[chrisvand-blog]

Relational executor

People generally don't pay attention to other people anymore. Its evident in traffic, malls, parkings, waiting lines, sidewalks, and concerts. Its hectic for a relational executor. Except women in stores. I don't know who wrote the trolley driving rules, but well done. Flawless. They navigate aisle with "sale" signs like professional drivers in a drag race. Impressive. Maybe its because there is not an app that sends push notifications when we are close to someone else. Tech age has its limitations. Or maybe thats an idea for a new app. I was standing in line to pay for milk and i could see how people become agitated with the poor cashier swiping barcodes from dawn until dusk. They can only go that fast. Anyway. It has been written about on numerous occasions but still seems to be a problem. People have become more self centered. Its all about self actualization and nothing about doing things together. This is where relational people suffer a bit. You get described as too dependent or not self sufficient and its not always the case. Society has become a minefield of self absorption and relationships suffer. Relational people want to sit down for coffee and just chat about normal stuff. A lot of areas in our lives have become compartmentalized. And we are taught not to mess with the boundaries. We propagate organic holistic lives but yet fail to comply with the basic definition. People feel more isolated but yet we are more connected. It doesn't even make sense. Have we lost our sense of community? And again this is someone writing about it and will probably get likes on social media but the change is far from sight...

[chrisvand-blog]

Just to clarify

I appreciate command. It gets things done. Takes control when a situation demands leadership. I think people admire it yet don't like it when it takes charge. Maybe people feel inadequate in the presence of a command in full force. Today in our team meeting our captain asked for a simple task to be executed. No one stepped up to the plate. My responsibility and strategic took over and took on the task after a few moments of awkward silence. I didn't know how to do it bit said i will figure it out. Just get it done so we can proceed. It's not about the shine. It's about the task and efficacy of the team. Then it got me thinking. Command steers the ship. It takes the wheel and drives it somewhere. Not towards recognition or self fulfillment but towards a common goal. It's visionary. It's confronting. It's daunting. It's inspiring. It's command. I think teamed up with empathy and woo and other strengths it is quite the combo. It is like a tank bulldozing through a war zone but still being aware of the surroundings. Command alone can be destructive if not managed but combined in a team it's a great attribute. Think of a tank with unicorn and rainbow bumper stickers. All strengths need to be managed. Especially those that have been smothered by a mould forced on us of a perfect, well balanced, all capable human being. Like superman. Who has relator and empathy as strengths...#justsaying. Bottom line is we need command. Or else we would probably all just be sitting there in the boardroom waiting for someone to make the tough choices while we twiddle our thumbs. Not that other strengths can't take charge. It's a metaphor. Stop putting me in a box...

[chrisvand-blog]

Projection

We all have this idea of how life works and how you should respond. We measure the people against our understanding. We see people’s reaction from our viewpoint and then decide if it was good or not. Well, maybe not all of us. I do…sometimes. I forgot that not everyone thinks the same. Its evident with strategic as a theme. Things are common sense to me. So it should be to others as well, right? Oh how I have walked into a brick wall when it comes to this. Clash of the themes. Its actually a good name for a book or movie. Ideation just applauded my brain. We project our realities onto the human race and find it odd that not everyone thinks like we do and it can cause conflict. And then we need harmony and command, that scary one to me.

Projection actually comes from psychoanalysis and was coined by a Freudian. Not Sigmund tho. Its called a defense mechanism. I call it a confusion mechanism. Ive seen it when a focus and an arranger meets. Even a woo and a relator.

“Arrrrrre you rrrrready to rrrrrumble! And in the left corner….”.

That’s how it goes.

But it needn’t be so. Self awareness is great and other awareness is even better. There will probably always be clashes and wars and misunderstanding but we can try. We can try to understand first before we try to be understood…thanks Stephen Covey. Life changer. We just need to listen. Not hear. Listen. Pay attention. This of course is not natural to us but can be taught like all other skills. So before you label an IT guy as socially awkward, an artist as confused, or a chef as being OCD, try to walk in their shoes. See things from their perspective and celebrate the differences. Empathy and individualization can applaud now…

[chrisvand-blog]

Gambling beliefs

It struck me. Gambling gets promoted as entertainment. You have a good time. You pay money to get something back. Its the same as going to the movies. You pay a lot of money to sit and be entertained. Walk out with memories. Yes of course there is addiction in gambling. Then it got me thinking. Our phones. We are addicted to them as well. Not a day goes by that we check and post and like and update. Ask someone to lock their phone away for a week. Oh the reactions are priceless. I call them excuses as people ramble on to justify how it will cut them off from life and stuff. Hah! We walk around and read messages, we drive and text, we sit on the couch and scroll. Oblivious to the world around us. Like in a movie. Like in a casino.

Our mobile devices coat us a lot more in money and quality relational time than we think. What do we get back? Entertainment. Yet some of us judge gamblers. I know its a tricky golden thread to see but just think about it. Addiction is anything that envelops our lives and make us unaware of anything or anyone around us. We hate waiting in lines yet can be on the couch for hours tinkering with technology. My belief is being stretched in a fast paced world. My eyes are being opened to new things and i am learning that judging people for frowned upon behavior like gambling is a tad excessive while i walk in the mall typing this and try to avoid colliding with other “bloggers”. Well, they look like bloggers. They are also glued to their phones. Even in the morning traffic. People are “blogging” but i never get to read any of it. Wait, let me google and see….my relator just sighed.