✧ ‧₊˚ ꒰ What is Maladaptive Daydreaming? ꒱ ⋮ Maladaptive daydreaming (MD/MaDD) is a proposed medical condition, disorder or symptom characterized by having excessive, intense and vivid daydreams, which often acts as a compulsive addiction, or dissociative coping mechanism to escape reality. Studies related to Maladaptive Daydreaming are currently being conducted to better understand the condition, as it's unknown if it is a disorder, symptom, a mixture or something else entirely. However it is recognized by many researchers, psychologists and other professionals alike as a distinct psychological experience.
✧ ‧₊˚ ꒰ What the admin's experience with Maladaptive Daydreaming? ꒱ ⋮ ♬ Trigger Warning for topics related to self harm, depression, dissociation and child abuse below.
I ( @vurrkit ) have experienced and struggled with excessive, intense and vivid daydreams for as long as I could remember. I believe in my case, I initially had these sort of daydreams for due to having ADHD (Professionally Diagnosed) and being absorbed in my interests; however, over time, it turned into a coping mechanism as I began to struggle with ostracization related to not only being neurodivergent, but surviving in an abusive household. I didn't feel as if what I was subjected to was right (as it wasn't) and longed for another world. I firmly believed I was supposed to be in another reality and that this couldn't have been the right world I was supposed to be in– I felt this way as I began to unknowingly dissociate in order to try and cope the best I could. For me, Maladaptive Daydreaming was a part of this process of dissociation and coping. I spent hours daydreaming to get away from reality, and to feel comforted, loved and seen. To be where I “belonged.” Anytime I wasn't in my own head daydreaming, I was immensely distraught as nothing else felt right. Not my own body, not my family, not the world itself.. This only worsened in 2020. My mother had left her abusive partner, and I thought it would be a bit better with the love and support from my friends, but then I was ripped away from them and thrown into isolation again. I didn't have anyone again and was given little to no support. All I had to do was wish for something else, anything else. I couldn't escape anything. A part of me believed if I committed suicide, I'd be able to be reborn into the world where I belonged, and everyone would be waiting for me. I'd live the life I was supposed to. As my depression worsened, I didn't even long to be a part of the reality I came up with. I wanted to just spectate it, as I felt severely disconnected from myself and loathed who I was. I didn't even really know who I was which I loathed. Thoughts I had of suicide and harm (inflicted upon myself and others in my life I loved) began to leak into the only thing I had a sick sense of comfort from, which was daydreaming. I didn't know how to “snap out of it”. It wasn't something I could necessarily control, as I didn't understand what was causing them yet, which was severe dissociation, depression and not processing or understanding my upbringing. I didn't know what was wrong with me, or how to bring it up without sounding crazy.. I tried twice to my mom, but just couldn't get anything out. Eventually though, about a year later before school started in person again, my mom noted I'd seem so much happier lately. And I just cried. I didn't know where to start, as I didn't know yet when it started, so I just started with my obsessive thoughts of harming myself and others. My mom tried her best to support me and helped me seek counseling/therapy. There was a lot I learned in therapy, but in relation to Maladaptive Daydreaming I learned how it most likely started early in my childhood and worsened due to depression, anxiety and trauma. For me, by learning to cope with my other conditions, my daydreams became less destructive, and I didn't really long for another reality or where I felt where I was “supposed” to be anymore. My Maladaptive Daydreaming isn't cured, I still involuntarily do it everyday. I wouldn't say it's healthy, just not nearly as destructive. I feel complicated towards it; it's clearly compulsive and not a healthy coping mechanism. However, I felt as if it helped me survive at some points in my life and that it partly contributed to why I'm a creative person- or just generally the way I am in.. Negative and Positive ways I guess. I feel really complicated about it. For me, I try to manage it in a healthy way these days.
