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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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Today's Document
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@chronicallysentimental
After a show at WWTA I ended up on a roof in Allston that I would just one year later spend a lot of time on.
I left the roof upset with the partner I was dating at the time upset it was past 11 and “I can’t hang out with these people sober”
I feel that sentiment hard.
Unsure if I was more upset with myself for feeling this way or upset that my partner didn't have a beer for me? My current mental state is so much happier and stable than I was then.
After a show at WWTA I ended up on a roof in Allston that I would just one year later spend a lot of time on. I left the roof upset with the partner I was dating at the time upset it was past 11 and "I can't hang out with these people sober"
Hallmark card greetings and uncomfortable hugs reek of failure of past friendships. My mind fills with excuses overused to a laundry list of people you've erased. Tallying numbers while you configure your imaginary top 8 time and time again. 3/19/2016
The Internet is really hard when I am struggling with my weight/ body image. I need positivity not diet post. Need some positivity. 7/22/15
You tried to change didn’t you? closed your mouth more tried to be softer prettier less volatile, less awake you can’t make homes out of human beings someone should have already told you that and if he wants to leave then let him leave you are terrifying and strange and beautiful something not everyone knows how to love
warsan shire (via artvevo)
I love your taste in music, art, books; it's really different from most people I know. Would you recommend some books to me? I'm trying to get back into the habit of reading again and all my friends have read pretty much the same stuff as I have so it's sort of difficult to find new stuff. I like fiction, non-fiction, whatever, as long as it's different and interesting.
ah well thanks. thank you, that’s really very nice of you to say.
these are just a few books i recommend to people in the store pretty often that they usually seem to like
fiction:
the halfway house - guerillmo rosales. brief but poignant and powerful- i love this book, a must for anyone whose ever experienced substance abuse or institutionalization. if u read it and like it you like it also read rosales’ “leapfrog” which further expands on his upbringing in havana
loving/ living / party going – henry green. i’m a huge henry green fan. his prose is brilliant and this book is remarkable
the collected stories of lydia davis - lydia davis. good introduction 2 her work, she’s a treasure of a modern female voice. not sure how she doesn’t have like, jennifer egan or miranda july levels of appreciation
the rings of saturn – WG sebald (the best of sebalds, he tends to be a crowd pleaser. i’ve got a soft spot for him.)
the question of bruno: stories - alexsander hemon (also a crowdpleaser)
“century of clouds" and “my walk with bob” – bruce boone. these books are what got me back into reading awhile ago, classic & brilliant stuff
not my taste but 20 something vice reading/ tumblr using/ prozac taking kind of readers usually like anything by arthur neresian. “the fuck up" is his classic but "chinese takeout" is probably his best. i think i saw someone describe him as a “po-mo damon runyon” once which is pretty on target if that means anything to you
the hour of the star - clarice lispector, at times a really odd approach to prose but folks usually receive this one well. the best introduction to lispector
cruddy – lynda barry. a very good likeable graphic novel for people into like, alison bechdel or phoebe gloeckner. (see also: “potential” by ariel schrag or “skim” by mariko tamak, among sooo many others i can’t even think of rn)
edmund white’s infamous trilogy, “the beautiful room is empty” being my favorite
waiting: stories - dumitru tsepeneag
bluets – maggie nelson
locus solus – raymond roussel
woodcuts of women: stories - dagoberto gilb
magnificent joe - james wheatley
three apples fell from heaven - micheline aharonian marcom
non fiction:
women of the left bank, paris - 1900- 1940 - recently finished this and it’s fantastic. i kind of obsess over books about women in art movements neglected by history.
safe area gorazde: the war in eastern bosnia: 1992 - 1995 - joe sacco. one of the greatest graphic novels that deals w/ the subject of war
the penguin dictionary of literary terms and literary theory - JA cuddon. honestly just really helpful to have around if you read a lot or want a starting place on how to approach lit with a place of contextualization, penguins guides to critical theory are usually pretty palatable
violence girl: east LA rage to hollywood stage, a chicana punk story – alice bag. good book about punk that isn’t all about straight white guys so heyy. believe it was published by feral house and amok books- their catalog is worth sifting through
all of camus’ notebooks (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3) are a total must if you’re a fan of his work. i have a thing for reading people’s notebooks and diaries.
film as a subversive art - amos vogel. if you’re into film you’ve probably already read this but it’s a classic for a reason and i always love getting people into it.
an episode in the life of a landscape painter - cesar aira. aira was one of my first favorite authors so i’m pretty quick to rec most of his work
dreadful: the short life and gay times of john horne burns - david marholick
the tender tyrant, nadia boulanger: a life devoted to music - alan kendall. i’m currently a little obsessed with everything written about boulanger so i thoroughly enjoyed this
osumane sembene: the making of a militant artist - samba gadilgo
poetry:
anything by charles simic. hotel insomnia / the world does not end being personal favorites
anything by mina loy (lost lunear breakdown poems being essential cause she doesn’t have much else but i adore adore adore her)
anything by andre breton. probably “the collected poems” - i’m a nut for french surrealist lit but it’s not for everyone- i think his poetry is more approachable than something like “nadja” offhandedly
anything by harryette mullen. “sleeping with the dictionary” being her best
anything by aime cesaire – “notebook of a return to the native land” being my favorite and his seminal work
on the imperial highway – jayne cortez
collected poems (1912-1944) - hilda doolittle. a must if you like voices akin to mina loy’s
i’ve been a woman: new and selected poems – sonia sanchez
the book of frank – CA conrad
eunoia – christian bok (i’m a big fan of almost all bok’s work)
a coney island of the mind – lawrence ferlinghetti
outlandish blues – honoree fanonne jeffers
the unfortunates – BS Johnson
nets – jen bervin (jen also helped compile the wonderful release of rare emily dickinson notes in ‘the gorgeous nothings’ which is 100% worth checking out if you’re a fan)
completed field notes: long poems of robbery kroetsch
the arab apocalypse - etel adnan
the complete short prose of samuel beckett, 1929-1989 - samuel beckett
..
so yeah that’s probably wildly incomplete (i should really start using goodreads or something) but i hope that gave you at least something. and if you have any recs please let me know- specifically lit by writers of color, women, queer people, trans people… i’m always interested in anything outside yr standard old white guy fare. like i can appreciate a foster wallace novel as much as the next guy but having your world limited to only that perspective gets soooo tired zzzZZZ
For future reference
Just different or am I unwell? Weekly? I don't think so but I don't know. 10/23/13
i g f G n e R o e E r m i l a e e t s t
My body is covered in bruises and sobriety no longer agrees with me. This morning I woke up freezing, covered in debts and unsaid apologies. You wouldn’t like me now. My mouth is this dry graveyard of mistakes. My eyes are clouding over. I’ve been covering up the smell of loss with whiskey and burnt bridges. It’s a nail twisting through the ribs now, it’s all dirty knees and dark tunnels. Still, there is a boy or two trying to love me like fire alarms love buildings they echo through. They don’t understand, love is not a force that can fix or save or heal. Many conjoined twins have been surgically separated. That means even if you share a bloody, beating heart you don’t necessarily belong to another person. And I am going to carry that fact around in my pocket as a reminder there is a historical precedent for leaving.
Clementine von Radics (via jacobinbach)
You could only be a dream and I wouldn't be surprised. Walk me hand and hand and lead me home. Our home. Oh my love 7.27.13
I stand on my own two ugly feet I wear shoes that I like and buy myself I am really doing okay considering
(3.28.13)
sometimes flipping back in notebooks I find things I have no recollection of writing. It's both comforting and a bit scary. Where is/was my head at?
friend, Infinitenap
shushpaps
suffocate me with hugs, please
figured out the hard way that I can't really hold it all in. festering thoughts only grow more sour as the weeks pass.
I should just sleep.
4/28/13
I am simultaneously so bad and so good at talking to strangers. The amount of times I just wish I was invisible would surprise you, I'm sure. 4/23/13
minha familia
It's challenging to determine whether our struggles as your children or your struggles as parent's watching us are more difficult. you've tried to pass along your best advice. the many do's and don'ts. we listen or try to. we're just learning as we go, just as you have and do.
3/31/13
https://www.etsy.com/listing/122636094/private-tears-in-public-spaces-a4-giclee