I hate that I still say "oh my god" all the time and like so many people brought up in the swamp that is Cultural Christianity, I have the problem that other profanities rarely pack the same "oomph" as a good "Jesus FUCKING Christ!" you know?
But "Oh my Satan" sounds so goofy. Like the cutesy Hello Baphomet stuff you can find on etsy; it just sounds kinda childish*. Unholy smokes? Lucifer tapdancing Lightbringer? What are we doing here?Satanists/Luciferians need to start workshopping some hot new profanities is what I'm saying.
I just had a big pot of Earl Grey, so with the power of caffeine:
How to maintain your devil-worshiping street cred when you've stubbed your toe
Baphomet's tits
Satan's balls(ack)
Lucifer's lumps
Actually I've come back around on unholy smokes, it's fine
Lick me Lucifer
Belial's buttcrack
Assmodeus
Anus of Asmodeus
Asmoday's anus
Lilith's love
Paimon/Pan/Pazuzu(/Papa) preserve us
Mammon's mammaries
For the love of Lucifer
Dagdagiel's dick
Fallen fucking angels
Samael's sack
Buttfucking brimstone
Lucifer fucking/tapdancing Lightbringer (I came back around)
Ba'al's balls
Whores of Horus
Hathor's whores
Aether's asscrack
Slithering serpent
Serpent sack
Bathory's bustier
Tiamat's tits
Devil dick me down
Blackened balls
Baphomet's balls
Behemoth's balls
By the crack of Cernunnos
Blow the Lord Below
Titfucking Tiamat
Leviathan's leftshark
Mammon's money bags
Thank you @thunderstorms-and-grape-sodas for your contributions.
*I am not ragging on Hello Baphomet and cutesy things, I like them quite a lot, actually, they just don't give me the obscenity boner I am craving.














