Was doing some ideas to get them out of my head
***Bakugo getting asked to do a threesome. Heâs asking his squad for âadviceâ***
Bakugo: you guys are not going to fucking believe what just happened
He hit send and watched the three dots appear almost immediately. Of course they were all online. It was Friday night, and none of them had lives.
**Kaminari:** oh shit what happened
**Kaminari:** did you finally snap and murder a reporter
**Kaminari:** because i will help you hide the body
**Sero:** context please
**Kirishima:** Bro you ok?
Bakugo stared at his phone, trying to figure out how to even explain this situation. How did you tell your friends that you'd been invited to a threesome? How did you phrase that in a way that didn't sound completely insane?
*Fuck it. Just say it.*
**Bakugo:** todoroki invited me over for dinner
**Bakugo:** turns out it wasnt just dinner
**Bakugo:** he wants me to fuck his girlfriend
**Bakugo:** with him
**Bakugo:** like at the same time
He hit send and immediately regretted every life choice that had led him to this moment.
The response was instantaneous.
**Kaminari:** WHAT
**Sero:** BRO
**Kirishima:** WAIT WHAT
**Kaminari:** BAKUGO
**Kaminari:** BAKUGO ARE YOU SERIOUS
**Kaminari:** IS THIS A JOKE
**Kaminari:** BECAUSE IF THIS IS A JOKE ITS NOT FUNNY
**Sero:** hold on hold on
**Sero:** todoroki has a girlfriend???
**Sero:** since when
**Bakugo:** like a month apparently
**Bakugo:** american chick
**Bakugo:** hes fucking serious about this
**Kaminari:** BRO
**Kaminari:** BRO IF YOU DONT DO THIS WE CANT BE FRIENDS
**Kaminari:** IM SERIOUS
**Kaminari:** ILL BLOCK YOUR NUMBER
**Kaminari:** ILL MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY
**Sero:** ill help him pack
**Kaminari:** sero will help me pack
**Kaminari:** we will both leave
**Kaminari:** you will be friendless
Bakugo snorted despite himself. Leave it to Kaminari to be absolutely zero help in a crisis.
**Sero:** what does she look like
**Sero:** this is critical information
Of course. Of fucking course that was Sero's first question.
**Bakugo:** are you fucking kidding me right now
**Sero:** WHAT
**Sero:** its a valid question
**Sero:** is she hot
**Sero:** does she have a good ass
**Sero:** tits???
**Sero:** we need DATA
**Kaminari:** yeah man we need details
**Kaminari:** for science
**Kaminari:** and research purposes
**Kaminari:** very important research
**Kirishima:** Guys maybe we should focus on the fact that this is a huge decision and Bakugo might need actual advice???
**Kaminari:** shut up kirishima
**Kaminari:** BAKUGO SEND PICS
**Kaminari:** WE NEED VISUAL CONFIRMATION
**Sero:** yeah bro pics or it didnt happen
**Sero:** this is standard protocol
**Sero:** we need evidence
Bakugo stared at his phone. These were supposed to be his friends. His trusted companions. The people he'd fought alongside, saved lives with, trusted with his actual life.
And they were absolutely fucking useless.
But also... they had a point.
*Fine. You want pics? I'll give you pics.*
He unlocked the bathroom door as quietly as possible and eased it open. The hallway was empty, and he could hear Sarah's voice from the kitchen, saying something about the rice being perfect. Music was still playingâsomething with a steady Latin beat that seemed to pulse through the apartment.
Bakugo crept down the hallway like he was on a goddamn stealth mission. Which was ridiculous. He was a pro hero. He'd infiltrated villain hideouts. He'd done undercover work. And here he was, sneaking around an apartment to take a picture of a woman for his idiot friends.
*This is my life now. This is what I've been reduced to. Sixteen-year-old me would be so fucking confused right now. "You're doing WHAT? For WHO? And you're SNEAKING AROUND like some kind of creep?"*
*Yeah, well, sixteen-year-old me was also a virgin who thought holding hands was basically marriage, so what the fuck did he know.*
He reached the edge of the hallway where it opened into the living area and kitchen. Sarah was at the stove, her back to him, stirring something in the pot. That fucking dress. That goddamn dress with the back that went down to practically nothing, showing off all that golden skin, the curve of her spine, the way her body moved as she worked.
Todoroki was at the table, pouring wine into glasses, his back also turned.
Bakugo pulled out his phone, angled it, and snapped a picture. The camera made the softest click, barely audible over the music, and he immediately ducked back into the hallway.
*One down.*
*Pro: I'm getting photographic evidence for my friends who will never believe this happened otherwise.*
*Con: I'm literally hiding in a hallway taking creep shots like some kind of stalker.*
*Pro: She literally bit my neck and told me she likes it when I bite back, so I don't think she'd mind.*
*Con: That's not how consent works, dumbass.*
He waited, heart pounding for absolutely no reason except that this entire situation was fucking insane. After a moment, he heard Sarah's voice again.
"Shoto, can you grab the serving spoons from that drawer?"
"Which drawer?"
"The one by the sink."
Footsteps. Movement. Bakugo peeked around the corner again.
Sarah had turned around, leaning back against the counter with a wooden spoon in one hand. She was licking sauce off her thumb, her head tilted slightly, and the front of that dressâJesus Christ, the front of that dress with that neckline that showed off her cleavage and the curve of her breastsâwas just as devastating as the back.
*Fuck it. In for a penny, in for a pound.*
He raised his phone and snapped another picture just as she smiled at something Todoroki said.
*Got it.*
He retreated back down the hallway, slipped into the bathroom, and locked the door again. His hands were actually shaking slightly as he pulled up the photos.
*Fuck.*
The pictures were good. Too good. The first one showed the full expanse of her back, the dress, the curve of her body. The second caught her mid-smile, the front of the dress, everything.
*These idiots better appreciate this. I just committed a misdemeanor for them.*
He opened the group chat and sent both photos without commentary.
Then he waited.
The response was immediate and exactly as chaotic as he'd expected.
**Kaminari:** HOLY SHIT
**Sero:** BRO
**Kaminari:** BRO
**Sero:** BROOOOO
**Kaminari:** IS THAT HER
**Kaminari:** IS THAT ACTUALLY HER
**Sero:** bakugo
**Sero:** my man
**Sero:** my dude
**Sero:** my brother in arms
**Sero:** my hero
**Kaminari:** THAT BACK
**Kaminari:** THAT FUCKING BACK
**Kaminari:** YOU CAN SEE EVERYTHING
**Sero:** and the FRONT
**Sero:** those TITS
**Sero:** bakugo i am on my KNEES
**Kaminari:** IF YOU DONT DO THIS
**Kaminari:** I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU
**Kaminari:** I WILL HAUNT YOU
**Kaminari:** I WILL COME BACK AS A GHOST JUST TO CALL YOU A COWARD
**Sero:** that dress should be illegal
**Sero:** that dress is a CRIME
**Sero:** shes a fucking WEAPON
**Kaminari:** okay okay i have ideas
**Kaminari:** POSITION IDEAS
**Kaminari:** are you ready
**Bakugo:** oh god
**Kaminari:** HEAR ME OUT
**Kaminari:** you bend her over todorokis couch
**Kaminari:** while he takes the front
**Kaminari:** CLASSIC SETUP
**Sero:** KAMINARI
**Kaminari:** OR
**Kaminari:** OR
**Kaminari:** wall fucking
**Kaminari:** you pin her against the wall
**Kaminari:** hold her up
**Kaminari:** todoroki can work with that
**Sero:** the kitchen counter
**Sero:** bend her over the kitchen counter
**Sero:** very spontaneous
**Sero:** very hot
**Sero:** you could do it right there while shes cooking
**Kaminari:** SERO YOURE A GENIUS
**Bakugo:** im going to kill both of you
**Kaminari:** the SHOWER
**Kaminari:** todorokis got that ice and fire thing
**Kaminari:** TEMPERATURE PLAY BRO
**Kaminari:** hot and cold at the same time
**Kaminari:** shed lose her fucking MIND
**Sero:** standing positions
**Sero:** you hold her up
**Sero:** let todoroki do his thing
**Sero:** she looks tiny you could definitely lift her
**Kaminari:** the BED obviously
**Kaminari:** but like
**Kaminari:** you take her from behind
**Kaminari:** she goes down on him
**Kaminari:** EVERYONE WINS
**Sero:** or reverse it
**Sero:** she rides him
**Sero:** you take her mouth
**Sero:** OPTIONS BAKUGO
**Sero:** SO MANY OPTIONS
Bakugo stared at his phone in absolute horror.
*Why did I text them. Why did I think this was a good idea. What is wrong with me.*
**Sero:** knock her up bro
**Bakugo:** WHAT THE FUCK SERO
**Sero:** you heard me
**Sero:** knock her up
**Sero:** put a baby in that woman
**Sero:** do it for all of us
**Sero:** do it for JAPAN
**Sero:** do it for INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS
**Kaminari:** sero has a point
**Kaminari:** this is your civic duty
**Kaminari:** youre a PRO HERO
**Kaminari:** this is HERO WORK
**Bakugo:** sero does not have a point
**Bakugo:** sero has lost his fucking mind
**Bakugo:** you have ALL lost your fucking minds
**Kaminari:** we are being SUPPORTIVE
**Kaminari:** we are being GOOD FRIENDS
**Kaminari:** we are giving you ADVICE
**Sero:** the best advice
**Sero:** really bakugo what more do you want from us
**Sero:** we sent you position ideas
**Sero:** we validated your choices
**Sero:** we told you to breed her
**Bakugo:** STOP SAYING BREED
**Kaminari:** BREED HER
**Sero:** BREEDING TIME
**Kirishima:** Okay wait hold on
**Kirishima:** like is this a joke bro
**Kirishima:** cause I dont see Todoroki wanting to share her like that
**Kirishima:** this seems fake
Finally. Finally, one of them was showing some sense.
**Bakugo:** dumbass he literally invited me over
**Bakugo:** he ASKED me to do this
**Bakugo:** apparently i was on some kind of list
**Bakugo:** if I dont want to hes calling your dumbass next
There was a pause. Bakugo could practically see Kirishima's face as he processed that information.
**Kirishima:** ...
**Kirishima:** ...dont do it
**Bakugo:** finally
**Bakugo:** finally someone making sense
**Kirishima:** no bro
**Kirishima:** not like that
**Kirishima:** dont do it because if you say no
**Kirishima:** I get to break into that
**Kirishima:** I get to use todorokis couch
**Kirishima:** I get to hit that in his APARTMENT
The chat went completely silent for exactly three seconds.
Then all hell broke loose.
**Kaminari:** KIRISHIMA
**Sero:** KIRISHIMA EIJIROU
**Kaminari:** WHAT THE FUCK
**Sero:** WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
**Kaminari:** YOU SELFISH BASTARD
**Sero:** YOU ABSOLUTE PIECE OF SHIT
**Kaminari:** YOU WERENT BEING REASONABLE
**Kaminari:** YOU WERE BEING STRATEGIC
**Sero:** this man really said "dont do it"
**Sero:** and we thought he was being A GOOD FRIEND
**Sero:** but NO
**Sero:** he wanted SLOPPY SECONDS
**Kirishima:** theyre not sloppy seconds if bakugo never does it
**Kirishima:** thats just regular firsts
**Kaminari:** THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS
**Sero:** THE AUDACITY
**Sero:** THE ABSOLUTE AUDACITY
**Sero:** OF THIS MAN
**Kaminari:** kirishima really looked at those pictures
**Kaminari:** looked at that WOMAN
**Kaminari:** and said "i hope bakugo fucks this up so i can have her"
**Kirishima:** i mean
**Kirishima:** yeah
**Kirishima:** obviously
**Sero:** AT LEAST HES HONEST
**Kaminari:** HONESTY DOESNT MAKE IT BETTER
**Bakugo:** you fucking traitor
**Kirishima:** all is fair in love and threesomes bro
**Sero:** did he just
**Sero:** did he just quote shakespeare
**Sero:** about THREESOMES
**Kaminari:** thats not even the right quote
**Kirishima:** close enough
**Bakugo:** im going to murder you
**Kirishima:** not if you do the threesome
**Kirishima:** then ill just be sad and jealous
**Kirishima:** which is better than dead
**Sero:** kirishima with the strategic thinking
**Kaminari:** okay but real talk
**Kaminari:** REAL TALK
**Kaminari:** bakugo you have to do this now
**Kaminari:** you HAVE to
**Kaminari:** because if you dont
**Kaminari:** kirishima wins
**Sero:** and we cant let kirishima win
**Sero:** not like this
**Sero:** not after what he just pulled
**Kirishima:** hey i didnt pull anything
**Kirishima:** i was just being honest about my motivations
**Kaminari:** YOUR MOTIVATIONS SUCK
**Sero:** the worst motivations
**Sero:** truly terrible
**Kirishima:** you guys are just mad you werent on the list
**Kaminari:** LOW BLOW
**Sero:** KIRISHIMA
**Kaminari:** WE WERENT ON THE LIST???
**Kaminari:** TODOROKI DIDNT EVEN CONSIDER US???
**Sero:** this is the worst day of my life
**Bakugo:** you guys are fucking useless
**Bakugo:** all of you
**Bakugo:** i came here for advice
**Bakugo:** and all i got was position suggestions and kirishima trying to steal my threesome
**Kirishima:** its not YOUR threesome yet
**Kirishima:** you havent committed
**Kaminari:** KIRISHIMA STOP
**Sero:** okay okay
**Sero:** real advice time
**Sero:** REAL advice
**Bakugo:** finally
**Sero:** do it
**Sero:** definitely do it
**Sero:** but make eye contact with todoroki the whole time
**Sero:** assert dominance
**Bakugo:** THATS NOT REAL ADVICE
**Kaminari:** no wait seros onto something
**Kaminari:** you gotta establish whos in charge
**Sero:** pee on his couch
**Sero:** mark your territory
**Kaminari:** SERO NO
**Sero:** SERO YES
**Kirishima:** please dont pee on todorokis couch
**Bakugo:** i hate all of you
**Bakugo:** i hate you so much
**Kaminari:** but youre gonna do it right
**Kaminari:** youre gonna do the threesome
**Sero:** say yes bakugo
**Sero:** say yes so kirishima loses
**Kirishima:** wow
**Kirishima:** WOW
**Kirishima:** so its like that
**Kaminari:** its EXACTLY like that
**Kaminari:** you tried to sabotage our boy
**Kaminari:** you tried to steal his threesome
**Kaminari:** this is WAR
Bakugo leaned back against the bathroom door, staring at his phone as the messages continued to roll in. His friends were losing their minds. Kirishima was actively trying to cockblock him for his own benefit. Kaminari and Sero were giving him sex position advice like they were coaching him through a sports game.
This was insane.
All of this was completely insane.
*Okay. Okay, let's think about this rationally.*
*Pro: My idiot friendsâwho have terrible judgment about literally everythingâall think I'd be insane not to do this.*
*Con: My idiot friends have terrible judgment about literally everything.*
*Pro: Sarah is legitimately incredible. That body. That confidence. The way she bit my neck and whispered in my ear. The fact that she WANTS this.*
*Con: I have to... what, coordinate? With Todoroki? The entire time? That's weird. That's definitely weird.*
*Pro: Todoroki doesn't seem to think it's weird. He's done this before. He knows what he's doing.*
*Con: But I haven't done this before. What if I fuck it up? What if I'm terrible at threesome logistics?*
*Pro: How hard can it be? It's just sex. I'm good at sex. I'm great at sex.*
*Con: That's not the same thing and you know it.*
He looked at himself in the mirror again. His face was still flushed, his pupils still blown. The bite mark on his neck stood out like a brand.
*What would sixteen-year-old me think about this?*
*Sixteen-year-old me would probably pass out. Sixteen-year-old me thought kissing was basically the pinnacle of human achievement. Sixteen-year-old me would look at this situation and have a fucking aneurysm.*
*But I'm not sixteen anymore.*
*I'm twenty-six. I'm a pro hero. I've saved lives. I've fought villains. I've done things that would have terrified my younger self.*
*And right now, there's a woman in the other room who wants me. Who looked at me and decided I was worth wanting. Who bit my neck and told me she likes it when I bite back.*
*And her boyfriendâmy friendâis completely okay with it. More than okay. He suggested it.*
His phone buzzed again.
**Kaminari:** bakugo
**Kaminari:** BAKUGO
**Kaminari:** are you still there
**Kaminari:** did you pass out
**Kaminari:** did you die
**Sero:** if you died we need to know
**Sero:** so we can call dibs on your hero ranking
**Kirishima:** guys hes probably just thinking
**Kaminari:** thinking about what
**Kaminari:** the answer is obvious
**Kaminari:** DO IT
**Sero:** DO IT DO IT DO IT
**Kirishima:** or dont
**Kirishima:** im cool either way
**Kirishima:** totally cool
**Kirishima:** not hoping for anything specific
**Kaminari:** KIRISHIMA SHUT UP
**Sero:** youre not getting the threesome kirishima
**Sero:** bakugos gonna do it
**Sero:** i can feel it
**Kaminari:** yeah bakugos not a coward
**Kaminari:** bakugos a HERO
**Kaminari:** heroes dont turn down threesomes
**Sero:** thats not in the hero code but it should be
Bakugo typed out a response.
**Bakugo:** im not dead
**Bakugo:** im thinking
**Kaminari:** THINKING ABOUT WHAT
**Kaminari:** JUST SAY YES
**Sero:** what is there to think about
**Sero:** you saw the pictures
**Sero:** WE saw the pictures
**Sero:** that woman is a GODDESS
**Kirishima:** i mean
**Kirishima:** its a big decision
**Kirishima:** he should think about it
**Kirishima:** take his time
**Kirishima:** maybe sleep on it
**Kaminari:** KIRISHIMA I SWEAR TO GOD
**Sero:** if you dont stop trying to sabotage this
**Sero:** i will personally make sure you never get a threesome
**Sero:** EVER
**Sero:** ill cockblock you for the rest of your life
**Kirishima:** thats not even possible
**Sero:** WATCH ME
*Pro: If I say no, Kirishima gets called next. And that's unacceptable on principle.*
*Con: That's a terrible reason to have a threesome.*
*Pro: But it's also a great reason. Spite is a powerful motivator.*
*Pro: I want this. I actually want this. Not because my friends are telling me to. Not because I'm trying to beat Kirishima. But because Sarah is incredible and Todoroki trusts me and this is something I've never done before and maybe... maybe it's okay to want new experiences.*
*Con: What if it's awkward?*
*Pro: What if it's not?*
*Pro: What if it's amazing?*
He looked at himself in the mirror one more time. At the bite mark. At his flushed face. At the evidence of what had already happened in the kitchen.
*Fuck it.*
**Bakugo:** im doing it
The response was instantaneous.
**Kaminari:** YES
**Sero:** YES YES YES
**Kaminari:** I KNEW IT
**Kaminari:** I KNEW YOU WOULDNT LET US DOWN
**Sero:** THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
**Kirishima:** ...fuck
**Kaminari:** HAHAHAHA
**Kaminari:** KIRISHIMA LOSES
**Sero:** KIRISHIMA LOSES
**Sero:** THIS IS WHAT YOU GET
**Sero:** FOR TRYING TO STEAL THE THREESOME
**Kirishima:** i wasnt trying to steal it
**Kirishima:** i was just
**Kirishima:** being strategic
**Kaminari:** you were being a SNAKE
**Sero:** a sneaky snake
**Sero:** a threesome-stealing snake
**Kirishima:** im happy for you bakugo
**Kirishima:** really
**Kirishima:** very happy
**Kirishima:** so happy
**Kaminari:** you dont sound happy
**Kirishima:** IM HAPPY
**Sero:** bakugo we need updates
**Sero:** DETAILED updates
**Sero:** we need to know everything
**Kaminari:** for research purposes
**Sero:** very important research
**Kaminari:** also so we can tell kirishima what he missed
**Kirishima:** I HATE YOU ALL
**Bakugo:** im muting this chat now
**Kaminari:** WAIT
**Kaminari:** one more thing
**Bakugo:** what
**Kaminari:** the couch position
**Kaminari:** seriously consider the couch position
**Kaminari:** its a classic for a reason
**Sero:** and the counter
**Sero:** kitchen counter is very sexy
**Sero:** very spontaneous
**Kaminari:** and remember
**Kaminari:** eye contact with todoroki
**Kaminari:** assert dominance
**Sero:** but dont pee on his couch
**Sero:** i was joking about that
**Kaminari:** were you though
**Sero:** ...mostly joking
**Bakugo:** goodbye
**Kaminari:** MAKE US PROUD
**Sero:** LIVE THE DREAM
**Kirishima:** have fun i guess
**Kirishima:** asshole
**Kaminari:** KIRISHIMA IS SO MAD
**Sero:** THE MADDEST
**Kirishima:** IM NOT MAD
**Kaminari:** YOU SOUND MAD
**Kirishima:** IM FINE
**Sero:** narrator voice: he was not fine













