Cinderella

But you can call me Nina, or Cat(short for Catharina). I'm 28, from Sweden and I love to travel. pansexual, in a lot of fandoms. Pronouns she/her but they/their is fine if you're uncertain. This is my messy blog, where everything that is me ends up. Sorry not sorry bout that.

[positivepatton]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re neither lazy nor useless, fatigue is a symptom of your illness(es) and it’s completely reasonable that a fatigued person would struggle with the things you’re struggling with

[odiumars]

I'm gonna say some real older sibling advice:

The worst thing about PTSD is that when you finally get away from the environment that caused the PTSD, that's then your symptoms are the strongest and loudest. Your body is finally letting you process the shit you went through, your body feels SAFE enough to let you feel again and that is a good and VERY uncomfortable thing. The happy feelings feel temporary and the sad feelings feel permanent.

You're gonna act out in ways you didn't when you were in survival mode (you might think you're still in survival mode most/some days) and it will feel like youre being irrational to your situation, but you must remember it is a blessing to not be in survival mode anymore and like all things the feeling will dilute itself. You will gain control and understanding of your new emotions and coping techniques, you will gain a sense of calm over your new and depressing knowledge of life.

You may feel like "adapting" is a thing you HAVE to do to heal, but you will heal regardless. Adapting isn't a thing you can do while feeling comfortable or motivated to do it. It feels unnatural to heal, but all the things that traumatized you felt "off" as well, right?

You will do what you can for the end result you want to see.

Being traumatized and being young suck, it means that things feel like they are happening longer than they are, and that it will always feel that way. It doesn't, and it will NOT even if it's longer than you would want it to last.

Gain self awareness to avoid those feelings, look into the abuser's behavior that had hurt you so you can avoid it in the future (it gets super easy to sniff out afterwards)

You got this, and if you need medications they're no more significant than glasses that you need to see. Its fun to take care of yourself after that learning curve! You genuinely enjoy the calm it brings.

You don't need to be excited or motivated to heal. The healing comes on its own when you are tired of feeling the way you do. Looking outside of yourself for help is part of the healing, so good job!

[traumasurvivors]

This blog supports survivors of ALL genders. You are all valid.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[bambibeckett]

things i know how to do but shouldn’t know at all because of abuse:

how to walk silently

how to appear calm while in a huge panic/depressed/anxious

how to cry silently

how to dissociate quickly when abuse happens or trauma resurfaces

how to defend my parents and excuse them even though i know it’s wrong

how to lie really well (although i try not to use it around people i care about)

staying stoic in the face of people throwing fits/screaming at me

doing physical work even if i’m injured or dissociated/depressed, and not stopping if i’m injured (the internal thought surrounding this is that i can’t stop, because if i do i’ll be yelled at again, and everyone will see me as weak and they’ll use it against me)

knowing people’s footsteps and being able to identify them over loud sounds

knowing the sounds of someone returning home like keys in a lock, cars stopping (even over loud noises)

sensing people’s emotions especially if they’re angry because that means they could lash out at me next

repressing emotions/trauma

turning any sort of emotion into anger

[chasingperfection25]

Me, whenever I’ve gone ONE day without having a breakdown or using unhealthy coping skills: I am fully healed and I will never be sad ever again in my life. 

[letsgrownnhealtogether]

It’s okay to slow down. It’s good to slow down. It’s healthy to slow down.

Feel it. Express it. Heal from it.

It’s okay. It’ll be okay.

[we-are-not-mad-enough]

you don’t have to tell yourself that everything happens for a reason. you don’t have to tell yourself that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

sometimes there is no silver lining and you’re allowed to be resentful of your trauma

[rabbittongues]

[comedigupmybones]

[cinderellakittycat]

I did, until I was 8, then I didn't want to live anymore. 🙃

[thisbitchtraumatizedyeet]

"you're so mature!" thanks I'm traumatized

[crownofstardustandbone]

[angelic-baphomet]

[traumasurvivors]

It’s okay to come crashing down after you thought you healed. It’s okay if it creeps back up on you. You are not a failure. Healing is complicated. It is a process. Sometimes you think you’ve healed and more resurfaces. That is okay. This is still healing. It doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in bits because it is too much to handle at once. Your brain has decided that you are ready to deal with the next part. You are making progress. And you are doing just fine. 

[traumasurvivors]

You do not have to forgive the person who hurt you. 

It’s often painted as a “healing” thing in order to move on. This notion is pushed on us by loved ones and society as a whole.

It is completely valid if you want to forgive them, and it is great if that works for you. But it is also completely valid if you never forgive them or if you do not even want to consider it. 

Whatever you decide is valid. I support you. I just want you to know that it is your decision. Please don’t let others decide for you. 

[cinderellakittycat]

There are people in my past that I will NEVER forgive. I will have to learn to accept what has been but I don't have to forgive, and I will not.

[survivor-positivity]

even if it was unintentional, even if they thought they were doing the right thing- you’re still allowed to be angry or upset about how you were mistreated

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

one metaphor for trauma that sticks with me is that of pebbles or stones thrown into a pond. The stones sink to the bottom and disappear from sight, but their ripples spread outward, long after the initial stone is thrown. The other ripples and details of the water’s surface, even the ones that come after, are still affected by the impact. 

And I love this for two reasons. First, in the acknowledgement that trauma can disappear from view and still have long-term, difficult-to-delineate aftershocks. The second in the idea that ripples are not something that can be erased by removing or exhuming the originally thrown stones. The past can’t be erased, any more than you can calm a lake by digging up the lakebed. What we can do is learn to understand it. By understanding its history, its current circumstances, the events of its past and present. And then we can move forward, onto the next thing.