post canon/pre crystal tokyo mamoru-centric/usamamo angst headcanon/ficlet
When Usagi enters college she becomes busy as one usually does. She’s preoccupied hanging out with new friends, joining clubs, and overall trying to live a fun college life. However, what she doesn’t realize is that she unintentionally begins neglecting a certain special person in her life. It begins with a couple missed dates. She’s so caught up in getting invited to parties and building a social reputation that she stands Mamoru up on more than one occasion. Mamoru of course takes it in stride. He understands she’s busy. He’s happy for her! But the internalized feeling of neglect begins to grow. Mamoru was used to being alone. No parents. Not a lot of friends. But he thought that had all changed when Usagi came into his life again. And it did! Which is why experiencing loneliness again for the first time in awhile left him feeling lost.
See what neither of them or the senshi realize is the condition for being brought back into the mortal realm after Stars was in order to stay they needed to love and be loved. Otherwise their star seeds and bodies would weaken and if bad enough, they would fade away once more.
Therefore with Mamoru’s state he begins to deteriorate. It starts mentally. He finds himself suddenly being confronted with all that he’s faced in his life. Dying so many times does that to someone. The cold leaves him panicked as it reminds him of the nothingness of death. He finds himself far more emotional about who he’s lost. The shittenou are all gone, Elysion isn’t readily accessible, Chibiusa hasn’t been born yet, and he begins to see the distance that has always existed between himself and the other senshi as well as the false perception they have of him being mature and unbreakable. But with all of this Mamoru doesn’t see himself as a victim. In fact he views himself as a problem. All the years of feeling like a burden creep up. Useless, a nuisance, unwanted, all words ruminating in his head.
What Mamoru doesn’t see however is that people have noticed his decline. Motoki and Unazuki notice he’s been left to sit alone waiting for Usagi on more than one occasion. The inner senshi begin realizing they’ve been unfair in creating a false image of him and try to become closer. The outer senshi make it their mission to keep them company whenever they can. It seems to get better before it all gets worse.
And what could be worse? Well the return of Seiya and the Starlights could make things worse for one thing. Now Mamoru has never disliked Seiya. Not even when he had to watch while dead as he bad mouthed him and continuously made advances on Usagi. He trusted Usagi. He trusts Usagi. But Seiya being back means seeing Usagi even less. And it also means Seiya planting ideas in Usagi’s head. You see the real reason Usagi has put her all into college is to in a way escape from the pressures of the future. She’s not ready to become queen, and while of course Mamoru isn’t responsible for any of the fear she holds, he is a reminder of what they will become. She keeps these insecurities inside until Seiya comes around again. Her fears turn into: shouldn’t Mamoru just know she’s insecure? Shouldn’t the senshi see she’s the one really hurt by what’s happening? Why is Mamoru stealing her friends away from her? She becomes irritable and in her jealousy fails to understand that Mamoru is quite literally fading away before her very eyes. His star seed is weakening. His body is tipping towards the edge.
It all comes to the precipice when the inner senshi hold a bit of an intervention. They try to suggest that maybe she’s spending too much time with Seiya, and that perhaps Mamoru would like to spend more time with her. She takes it personally of course not having seen in her absence, when Mamoru’s hands start to become translucent. When he needs to pause to catch his breath on more than one occasion.
Usagi goes to Seiya after this confrontation and he begins to once again spin the narrative that she’s being wronged in some way. Feeling vulnerable she believes him and goes to confront Mamoru. He’s fired up. She’s hurt. Everything is bubbling to the surface.
Mamoru who had just been confirming on the phone a visit from the outer senshi suddenly gets a knock on the door. He asks Michiru, Haruka, and Setsuna, who were chatting on their way over to give him a moment and goes to see who the company is. It’s his Usako! He’s so happy, it’s been so long! But why does she look upset? Did something go wrong at school? Before his thoughts can begin to spiral he hears her utter, “Did you tell the girls I’m neglecting you?” He’s confused. What is she talking about? In the silence, she carries on with, “ I can’t believe you would try to make them turn on me!”
“Usako-I-what are you talking about? Is there something wrong? Please tell me and we can talk through it!” Concern is written all over his face. He’s so earnest about it. Of course he is, her sweet Mamo-chan.
All of Usagi’s anxiety and guilt continues to bubble up. She can’t take this. It’s too much. She then blurts out: “Oh save it! You know what you’ve done. God, you can’t get people to like you as it is so you just make up lies?!” She doesn’t mean it. Her gut clenches. No, no she doesn’t mean this. The devastation written on his face is enough to make her tremble. Seeing tears well up in his eyes, is too much to take. She peels out of his apartment, unable to look back.
The outer senshi heard it all. They heard the argument, they heard the slam of the door, and worse they begin hear what sounds like someone unable to breathe. They step on it, just reaching his apartment in time to fling open the door and see what seems like in slow motion as Mamoru clutches his chest and collapses.
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