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EXPECTATIONS

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雨のハス池
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敬宮愛子内親王殿下のご誕生を祝して名付けられた薔薇、プリンセスアイコが美しく咲き誇っていました。 このバラ園にはここ数年薔薇の季節には訪れていますが、こんなに見事に咲くプリンセスアイコを見られたのは初めての令和元年5月。
A rose named ‘Princess Aiko’ was blooming beautifully. This rose was named to celebrate the birth of Princess Aiko.
“Sensitive people should be treasured. They love deeply and think deeply about life. They are loyal, honest, and true. The simple things often mean the most to them. They don’t need to change or harden. Their purity makes them who they are.”
— Kristen Butler (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
“In my opinion, the best thing you can do is to find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you … That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.”
— Diablo Cody
grilled chicken with asparagus and poached egg
1. I can’t believe you actually love me. The last time I fell for someone the way I’ve fallen for you I got hurt in a way that made me feel like a part of me had died. And maybe it did. They made me believe they loved me, that we’d have a future together. But none of it was ever real. So when you tell me you love me all I can see is a ticking time bomb, counting down the minutes until you break my heart.
2. Before you I didn’t know what fireworks felt like. You kissed me and the world got brighter. When I was growing up my mum always talked about finding the spark. Where they touch you, soemthing as simple as brushing past your arm, and you can feel it all the way down to your toes. I never really thought this spark existed. That is until I met you. You light my entire body on fire and it god damn terrifies me.
3. No ones ever tried to fight for me. I’m easy to leave, something insignificant that people use to waste time. But you, every single day you fight for me, for us. Make sure I know you want me around. Show me for once what being taken care of is actually like. After everything maybe you’re what I’ve been waiting for.
3 things I don’t know how to tell you// 4am
Before I fall in love again 1. I want us to be friends. Which means, I want to be able to eat my favourite cheese crust pizza with you, while having cheese all over my face and even in my hair, without feeling embarrassed or concerned about it. I want to be comfortable with you, I want to be okay about being messy, irritating, embarrassing, disgusting, petty while with you. Because I will be petty when I see my ex best friend post a happy picture and I will be messy during my finals and I will be embarrassing when I meet your parents for I suck at meeting parents. I want to be okay with being the way I am and the only way to be okay is to know that you’re okay with me being things other than beautiful, graceful and composed at all times. 2. I want to be able to have long and passionate conversations with you not just about existential things but also about what went wrong in the ending of that book and how kids are affected by media and how tomato basil combination always works. I want to have conversations where we may not always have the same views but our fundamental values always fall in place. I want to talk to you about the beauty of the stars but I also want to talk to you about the disgusting mentality behind certain societal norms. 3. I want to see how consistent your actions are with your words. I don’t want to fall for love letters or poems, for sweet Instagram captions or long birthday texts, I want to fall in love with you showing up on time and keeping your promises. 4. I want to take it slow. I want our story to work out in years, not months. I want to respect time and space this time. 5. I want to make sure I am not seeking love from you for the lack of love I have for myself. I want to make sure you aren’t a void I am filling in, you are not an alternative to the things I can’t give myself. I want to make sure you are not doing the same. 6. I want to work out with my insecurities and fears from the past. I don’t want to project them on you, I don’t want to subject you to the doubts, suspicion and anger I carry from the people I have known in the past. 7. Before I fall in love again, I want to make a mattress with you. Of understanding and respect and trust. So when we fall, it doesn’t hurt.
by William Lai
I miss you