clinically wild @cinquante-nuances-de-moi - Tumblr Blog

the idea of straight women breaking down with their stylists because they’re so incapable of grasping the concept of camp and all they want to do is wear their silk sheath gowns…. as if anna wintour and andrew bolton are at the entrance to the red carpet with crossbows ready to snipe anyone who dare look plainly pretty….. actually yeah anna wintour grow a spine and murder a jenner in front of the met

altonzm-deactivated20170213

french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you

italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house

thirdtimecharmed

american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked

svynakee

chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.

orriculum

English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy

digitalfare

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

jamesandlilys

Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie

monsterhighalumni

Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts

wereyoulookingforsomething-deac

Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it.

moldychesee

Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three

dixon-arrows-deactivated2018052

Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT.

beckyhop

Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries’ cuisines AND neuroses.

visionssofgideon

Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl

onceuponamirror

ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion.

jumpingjacktrash

internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister’s third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown.

piedude

Irish recipes:

horrifying

lucifers-ass-cheek

this thread absolutely killed me

deacytits

I’M FUCKING SCREAMING AND CRYING, OH MY GOD

punkrockhippiefromthefourties

One time I was so high that I got into bed and tried to put on my seatbelt

brokebutnotbeaten

I just fell sad and lonely and all alone. Sometimes everything is too much

weirdpostarchive-deactivated201

you know, if an adult is a nice person that’s not “innocence.” they learned how to actively be a good person. they’re not some eternal child

weirdpostarchive-deactivated201

also i’m gonna be real why is it that being nice in general is seen as a childish or immature trait

miiriya

neurodivergentaf

got my mental trauma and self harm scars at Claire’s

bioillogically

therapist: how are you? me: fine how are you

animedads-deactivated20210108

In gonna replace every bone in my body with a knife, if someone punches me they’re in for a surprise (the knife)

mercysex

siickangel

plested // ribcage

dependentdollface

I’m literally like a child please give me sparkly star stickers and hair pets when I do something without someone having to tell me too

cinquante-nuances-de-moi

my French teacher legit used to put stickers on my a level essays bc she knew I loved them

rabbitgoblin

fucked up how cooking and baking from scratch is viewed as a luxury…..like baking a loaf of bread or whatever is seen as something that only people with money/time can do. I’m not sure why capitalism decided to sell us the idea that we can’t make our own damn food bc it’s a special expensive thing that’s exclusive to wealthy retirees but it’s stupid as hell and it makes me angry

rabbitgoblin

bread takes like max 4 ingredients counting water and sure it takes a couple hours but 80% of that is just waiting around while it does the thing and you can do other things while it’s rising/baking plus im not gonna say baking cured my depression bc it didn’t but man is it hard to feel down when you’re eating slices of fresh bread you just made yourself. feels like everything’s gonna be a little more ok than you thought. it’s good.

pluckedanarchist

bread is amazing and it’s also been sold to us as something really hard to make? Every time I tell someone I made a loaf of bread I get reactions like “you made it yourself???” and “do you have a bread machine then?” I haven’t touched a bread machine in probably 10 years. You CAN make your own bread, folks, and it’s actually pretty cheap to do so. I believe the most expensive thing I needed for it was the jar of yeast. It was about $6 at the grocery store and lasted me MONTHS (just keep it in the fridge.) The packets are even cheaper. destroy capitalism. bake your own bread.

boonbucks-city-beach

You can also make your own yeast by making a sourdough starter, so that cuts cost even more.

But you have to feed the starter daily/weekly and that means it grows quickly, but there are tons of recipes online for what to do with your excess starter. Cookies, pretzels, crackers, pancakes, waffles, you name it!!

unbossed-deactivated20251218

Here’s a link to The Home Baking Association’s site. It has recipes and tips.

petermorwood

Make it even easier - “No-Knead Bread”. All YOU do is mix the ingredients together and wait until it’s time to heat the oven. The yeast does all the rest.

Here’s @dduane’s first take on it and the finished product. We’ve made even more photogenic batches since.

Kneading is easy as well; either let your machine do it, or if you don’t want to or don’t have one, get hands-on. It’s like mixing two colours of Plasticine to make a third. Flatten, stretch, fold, half-turn, repeat - it takes about 10 minutes - until the gloopy conglomeration of flour, yeast, salt and water that clings to your hands at the beginning, becomes a compact ball that doesn’t stick to things and feels silky-smooth.

Here’s what before and after look like.

My Mum used to say that if you were feeling out of sorts with someone, it was good to make bread because you could transfer your annoyance into kneading the dough REALLY WELL, and both you and the bread would be better for it.

Then you put it into a bowl, cover it with cling-film and let it rise until it doubles in size, turn it out and “knock it back” (more kneading, until it’s getting back to the size it started, this means there won’t be huge “is something living in here?” holes in the bread), put it into your loaf-tin or whatever - we’ve used a regular oblong tin, a rectangular Pullman tin with a lid, a small glass casserole, an earthenware chicken roaster…

You can even use a clean terracotta flowerpot.

Let the dough rise again until it’s high enough to look like an unbaked but otherwise real loaf, then pop it in the preheated oven. On average we give ours 180°C / 355°F for 45-50 minutes. YM (and oven) MV.

Here’s some of our bread…

Here’s our default bread recipe - it takes about 3-4 hours from flour jar to cutting board depending on climate (warmer is faster) most of which is rise time and baking; hands-on mixing, kneading and knocking-back is about 20 minutes, tops, and less if using a mixer.

Here ( or indeed any of the other pics) is the finished product. This one was given an egg-wash to make it look glossy and keep the poppy-seeds in place; mostly we don’t bother with that or the slash down the middle, but all the extras were intentional as a “ready for my close-up” glamour shot.