Cislator

[cislation]

Well this is awkward...

Hi Guys and Gals and people who aren’t either guys or gals, this is Mod L.

For anybody who is actually still following, I would first like to apologise for my long-term disappearance from Tumblr. Honestly, I wish that I had a better reason, but it’s mostly just been a whole lot of life happening, and the past couple of years have been a little rough with some medical stuff, a couple job changes and a bunch of people cut out of my life to add to the stress. I’m going to try to get enough posts queued to hit one per day for the next couple weeks, which shouldn’t be too difficult because there’s about 200 messages in the inbox, and from then on it may be a matter of waiting and seeing what happens.

Now, for the inevitable Mod abuse of power which really shouldn’t be on my first post after a year+ absence but oh well…

I have just changed jobs, again, and my paydate is changing by about two weeks. This means that I have a wait of six weeks between paychecks, and need to cover things like my bus/tram pass in the meantime and cover my outgoing bills. To try and offset this a bit I’ll be taking writing commissions for the next couple of weeks - details will go up on https://www.tumblr.com/blog/theauthorljperry

While I wouldn’t normally do so, at this time I’ll be accepting commissions for FanFiction (so long as it isn’t real person) as well as original fictions and also for character creation for any writers/comic artists who struggle with the creation of characters. I’m happy to write in just about any genre and for any age group, and yes I am willing to do NSFW works if requested. Further details will be posted later tonight. I would appreciate if people with no interest in commissioning me for anything could at least reblog when the post goes up so that people who might be interested will have a better chance of seeing it.

A new cislation will be queued for later tonight as well.

[cislation]

Hey people,

Mod L again here. Because I really do need the money this month my commission details are: https://theauthorljperry.tumblr.com/post/187782705828/commissions.

To give a short breakdown of prices:

A 100 drabble done to your specification - £5/$US5/€5

A 500 word short story - £20/$US20/€20

A 1,500 word short story - £30/$US40/€35

For the creation of an original character, of which I would be handing over intellectual property rights  and waiving any claim to royalties for - £50/$US60/€55

(I am willing to negotiate on price somewhat but please don’t take this piss with it, and for the love of Odin please do not use the word exposure)

My Ko-fi is: Ko-fi.com/ljperry Obviously, I’m not going to refuse donations from people who don’t want to commission work but I would really prefer commissions - I like to feel like I’ve done something for my money.

I would prefer that anybody commissioning work from myself message me at https://theauthorljperry.tumblr.com/ however I will also accept commissions direct message here, just please do so by message and not reblog as I’m not guaranteed to see those.

I would appreciate if followers could reblog this either if they aren’t interested in commissioning me at this time, as somebody who is may well see it.

Thanks.

[cislation]

Mom: [talking about me to my dad] I don't understand why he has to pick a gender at all! (I'm transfem)

Cislated: I honestly believe that people choose to be transgender and do so for no other reason than inconveniencing me. Clearly, it is a huge inconvenience for me to even use the correct pronouns.

[cislation]

Well this is awkward...

Hi Guys and Gals and people who aren’t either guys or gals, this is Mod L.

For anybody who is actually still following, I would first like to apologise for my long-term disappearance from Tumblr. Honestly, I wish that I had a better reason, but it’s mostly just been a whole lot of life happening, and the past couple of years have been a little rough with some medical stuff, a couple job changes and a bunch of people cut out of my life to add to the stress. I’m going to try to get enough posts queued to hit one per day for the next couple weeks, which shouldn’t be too difficult because there’s about 200 messages in the inbox, and from then on it may be a matter of waiting and seeing what happens.

Now, for the inevitable Mod abuse of power which really shouldn’t be on my first post after a year+ absence but oh well...

I have just changed jobs, again, and my paydate is changing by about two weeks. This means that I have a wait of six weeks between paychecks, and need to cover things like my bus/tram pass in the meantime and cover my outgoing bills. To try and offset this a bit I’ll be taking writing commissions for the next couple of weeks - details will go up on https://www.tumblr.com/blog/theauthorljperry

While I wouldn’t normally do so, at this time I’ll be accepting commissions for FanFiction (so long as it isn’t real person) as well as original fictions and also for character creation for any writers/comic artists who struggle with the creation of characters. I’m happy to write in just about any genre and for any age group, and yes I am willing to do NSFW works if requested. Further details will be posted later tonight. I would appreciate if people with no interest in commissioning me for anything could at least reblog when the post goes up so that people who might be interested will have a better chance of seeing it.

A new cislation will be queued for later tonight as well.

[cislation]

“You really shouldn’t come out at your new school, you might get bullied!”

[she doesn’t ever use my correct name or pronouns, I have several passing trans friends at this school, it would be perfect because, again, it’s a NEW SCHOOL, and we live in washington, which is probably one of the most liberal states in America.]

Cislated: I know full well that discouraging you from coming out is transphobic, so I’m going to disguise it as trying to protect you instead.

Also, I think all this transphobic bullying that goes on in schools can be stopped if all those trans people just got back into the closet. Clearly, it’s just their own fault for not spending their whole lives hiding who they really are!

[cislation]

Nope, I don't buy clothes for you to only wear once. I know that you like dress shirts but you only wore that dress once.

Cislated: I will not buy you the clothes that you actually want; I know that you like them, but didn’t wear this completely different clothing item that I bought you so I’ll continue to buy you things that you don’t like and won’t wear. It makes perfect sense!

[cislation]

mom: you're too young to decide your gender and sexuality. you see, sweetie, the decision making part of the brain does not form till' you're 25, so whatever you identify as if probably false and just cause' of puberty.

Cislated: I think that gender and sexuality are something that people decide, and that you have decided wrong. I am, however, going to completely ignore that cis people still have a gender, and straight people still have a sexuality, because obviously they’re always old enough to know. I’m also going to use the fact that your brain is still developing to stop you from transitioning, completely ignoring that the human brain is in constant development and characteristics like personality aren’t actually set until somewhere in your forties. Finally, because I would also like to throw in some ageism, I’m going to use the fact that you are going through puberty to discredit everything you say and regard you as incompetent to make your own choices, even though we’re going to expect you to make equally as important decisions such as whether or not to attend university and which course to study if you do.

~ Mod L

[cislation]

Personal Update from Mod L

Some of you may have noticed that I suddenly disappeared from the internet with very little warning.

Sorry about that.

The short version is that, between work, NVQ stuff and some ongoing health issues, I haven’t really had the energy to be logging into tumblr and dealing with cislations.

To give you the slightly longer version, I have in the time since I last posted completed my NVQ level 2 and begun my NVQ level 3, so a good portion of this time was spent frantically scrabbling to get those last few essays written and last few pieces of evidence in, as well as getting started on a whole new bunch of essays. Meanwhile, the impact of the Brexit vote and the currency crash have made my job exponentially harder, so I’m coming home just that extra little bit tired and stressed.

This wouldn’t be so bad on its own, but I’ve had some otherwise fairly lowkey but longterm health issues suddenly escalate without any obvious reason, including some upper back pain that’s gotten a lot worse and some neck pain that’s developed along with it. Because of this it’s been difficult for me to remain in a sitting position for extended periods of time with nothing supporting me neck, and my day job mostly consists of me sitting at a desk staring at a computer screen for 8 1/2 hour a day, so I basically have not been on my laptop at any point during my absence. It’s a pretty big laptop, and I can’t really use it lying down (lying on my back and resting it on my stomach isn’t a great option, given what I have to reach around to type, and lying on my stomach in general just isn’t possible for me unless somebody wants to dig a trench in my mattress), so I’ve only been able to use my tablet, which isn’t exactly tumblr-friendly.

As well as this, pretty much whatever brainpower isn’t going towards me not getting fired is being redirected towards keeping track of doctors’ appointments and whichever referrals and test results I’m waiting on at any given time, making sure that I take my medication on time, and trying desperately not to murder everybody that I encounter. I doesn’t really leave a huge amount for tumblr, I’m afraid.

This all said, I am on Christmas leave until January 2nd, so for the next week or so I should be online and cislating. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be around much after that, and I do have essays to work on over the next week so I won’t be online constantly, but I’m not visiting any family out of town due to doctors’ appointments to there is that.

I know that the holiday season is stressful for a lot of trans people, particularly those without accepting or supportive family. I hope all our followers know that there is always somebody out there who loves them for who they are, and that nobody is ever alone in the world. If people wish to send in holiday themed quotes for cislation in the meantime, we will be more than happy to add a little bit of merriment with a side of passive-aggressive snark to all of your holidays.

And, finally, for the list of Things Mod L Hates:

- That my mother can remember that’s I’m trans just long enough to ask whether I’m listed as male or female on the NHS system, but still cannot be bothered to use the correct name or pronouns.

- Urology appointments.

- People whom I wasn’t going to buy Christmas presents for, but then they decided to come ‘round for Christmas dinner, so now I fucking have to.

- Spending seven weeks taking a medication that I can tell after two isn’t working, finally getting to go back to the doctor and tell them that it hasn’t worked, so that now they can refer me to a specialist an oh, by the way, it’ll take six to eight weeks to come through.

- Urology appointments, especially if they require genital exams.

- That the one medication I have that actually does what it’s supposed to is to be taken every 24 hours, and wears off after 12. And that it causes a permanent case of dry mouth, which I was warned about, and dry throat, which I wasn’t.

And, Things Mod L Does Not Hate But Dislikes Very Strongly:

- Ultrasounds. They aren’t much fun.

Other than that, have a happy holiday season, all of you. My absolute kindest regards to all of you having to work through the holidays, and to all of you without family this holiday, know that you are still loved in this world.

~ Mod L

[cislation]

"Do you hate gays?" "A little." I had this conversation with a boy recently and I am still wondering what exactly he meant by that.

Cislation: “Am I a raging bigot? No, no, you flatter, a hobbyist bigot at best. I only hate gays on weekends and during off peak service.”

[cislation]

I want to send a big hug to all the mods and I hope you're all doing okay at the moment (and if you aren't I hope things start to get better!!) Y'all are so brave and strong and you are very loved!!

Thank you very much Anon. I also would like to extend this message to our followers, who deserve all the love in the world. My absolute best wishes to all of you

~ Mod L

[cislation]

unsure if u need to know why unfollowin but unfollowing bc seeing lots if negative stuff is bad on my anxiety n such ! srry

That’s quite alright. You really need to do what’s best for you, and and if this is causing you anxiety then making sure that you’re taking care of yourself is far more important than our follower count. We here at Cislator wish you all the best.

To all of our followers, please, take care of yourselves. Making sure that you are as healthy as possible and able to live a happy and contented life should always come first.

~ Mod L

[cislation]

"youre autistic? no no youre not, youre just trans." "oh youre actually trans?? no no. youre just autistic"

Cislation: “two for one ableism and transphobia! Honestly I just want to invalidate you in whatever way possible, and I am not subtle about it.”

[cislation]

"Trans women cannot be feminists because they do not face the same oppression that """real""" women do"

Cislation: There is only One True Way to be a woman! Trans women do not suffer from sexism like cis women - and as I refuse to hear any and all testimonies of it, I know it is so because I want it to be so! Also women definitely do not have very diverse lives, marked by very diverse cultural backgrounds and histories, impacted by very diverse intersecting oppressions, all around the world - oppression is exactly the same for each and every woman on earth! When it comes to be a feminist, only white american middle class abled cis het women’s lives count. Every other experience can be discarded. 

And no matter what you bring up, you can be sure that I will find a way to negate trans women’s gender so that I can push them away. After all, I firmly believe they aren’t real women, no matter how many fingers I wave in the air to try to not look transphobic when I say the word ”””real”””. 

[cislation]

“Sorry, [deadname], trying to use your preferred name would be too hard! I just don’t have the energy to do it, and it’d be really hard anyway. Once I learn a name, it sticks.” -My sister

Cislation: “Sorry, [deadname], but I am willing to make exactly zero effort to use your real name. I just don’t have the energy, although mysteriously I seem to have plenty of energy to go out of my way not to use your name. I wonder why that could be? (It is because I am a transphobe.)

[cislation]

"you can't wear a binder, you're already delicate enough as you are. besides, those things cause breast cancer."

Cislation: I am not going to help you. I think you’re too fragile to make your own choices in life. Besides, I’ve heard a lot of fear-mongering about binders. They bring death and suffering and moral depravity and swarms of locusts on your cities and dishonor on your cows. No need to read about it to get correct information, no need to learn how to healthily wear a binder - clearly, you just shouldn’t transition. 

[cislation]

mom:"but i think you would've been a pretty girl" me: "that's transphobic mom" mom: "yeah but you would look so good as a girl, you have the perfect..."- continues to tell me which parts if my body are feminine and what would've made me a 'pretty girl' :/ (i came out to her yesterday, she has a lot to learn)

Cislation: you would have fitted into normative boxes so well, and people who don’t fit inside those are kind of a waste. I don’t really consider the fact that you’re pretty anyways, even without being a girl, or how transition will make you pretty in a way that makes you more comfortable with yourself, or that you’re an interesting human being on your own, nope - what matter is how well you fit into people’s expectations! And now that that’s done, I’m going to comment every part of your body in a very triggering way - because what’s better for someone’s self esteem than to dissect their appearance into little parts and comment on whether or not it fits gendered expectations of beauty? It teaches you that your beauty (and your body) is there to be judged and consumed by others!  It teaches your identity’s worth is correlated to people’s expectations of beauty. What a great way to raise a kid. I have a lot to learn to be a good mom. 

[cislation]

my sister: *asks me, a genderqueer person, to validate her genderqueer headcanons* also my sister: *gets obviously uncomfortable every time i mention my gender*

Cislation: being genderqueer is cool if it’s a fantasy for headcanons, but it’s not for real people, ew, gross. 

[cislation]

"the reason theres no trans people in media is because trans people are only 0.3% of the population" (note - the entire state of new york is only 0.2778% of the population. does this mean new york doesnt exist in media? no.)

Cislation: I think it’s okay to erase people’s existence if there’s few enough of them or something. It somehow makes dismissing human lives more acceptable in my mind.