Im a fucking mess and I don't know what to do it's like one day it was the most beautiful love and one messy night later it's all fucking gone and she doesn't care about me at all
I just lost another girl to another guy named guy and again it was related to shooting up... okay yea I’m just going to rant here daily now
Yea, I remember Guy. He was the dude you left me for to do methylone with. We’ll no. He was the one you ended up with when you left me to start doing heroin with your ex-boyfriend. I told you I don’t
I remember I was stronger then. I fucking loved you to pieces but I was still willing to bear the torture of being your friend, to know you’re alright. (I’m not that strong this time around I’m just not)
And you weren’t. You weren’t eating and barely taking care of yourself, saying Guy can’t always afford food and shit. I mean the dude lived on fucking Franklin Road in Ponsonby. Like the most expensive street in this fucking country. how much more well off can you be, he was supplying you with endless amounts methylone too like wtf he could get food.
But I wouldn’t say that cuz I’d love it when you come over for dinner and I’d see you, and make sure you’re okay. Even if he came too.
I’d hate it when your nose would start bleeding, like something was seriously wrong there.
I know, It’s not like I could ever fill that fucking hole in your heart. But it’s not like him or any of his drugs could either. I thought things were swell with you and him even though he was a piece of shit. I thought your family loved him anyway.
After you passed away, your dad was telling me he always hated Guy. I didn’t know he’d kicked you out of his place before you went to rehab. I wish you moved into mine. I mean I wouldn’t have known how to be there for you the way you needed. But I still wish you did. And I wish I knew.
It wasn’t that long after me and you ended that I got the call that you’d taken your life in your Mum’s garage. I remember all the lame as parties we had in there, dancing to shity music and talking shit. I guess something went really wrong along the way
You never got to see my place in Swanson. Or my place now. I swear girl, I’m living next to Anderson Park. You would have cracked up so hard, how are you not here to crack up so hard with me about stupid shit that no one else would understand.
Your Dad was saying you told him the heroine come downs were unbearable and you were forming a serious addiction and it was scary. I mean you were already suicidal and your alcoholism was the most intense I’ve ever seen or known about. Beyond anything I could have imagined at first really. I guess it was the heroine that got you and fair enough. That shit is good you think it’s a solution. But then you come down and it’s another problem on top of your problems. And so the cycle continues
I mean like I was 17 and I was going to do it. Till I saw what it was doing to people already doing it, till I saw what it was doing to jelly. And I decided my even once idea isn’t a good idea. Because I’ve never been able to say no to a good thing easily. There’s always other drugs... for me at aleast. And I”m scared of having heroin involved in my life. I can’t say no to drugs easy and in a way I’m proud of myself for keeping myself away.
It’s sad, Jelly passed away not too long before you did. Everyone was proud of him, thought he was clean. Turns out he wasn’t. Got high, slipped, hit his head and died.
Huh? Who’s Guy.
Ohhh, your friends with my girlfriend. She’s never even told me about you but she left the party to drive over to pick you up and bring you.
Umm okay nice to meet you.
Well not really I dunno, you look like fucking trouble and I don’t have a good feeling about you. Maybe just cuz the last guy I met named Guy turned out to be trouble
*Shrug
Ohhhh you’re Guy. The guy my girl’s left me for to do shoot morphine up with.
Ohhh another Guy.
Another girl gone.
But I hope you’ll be okay bunny
I fucking love you with every beat of my heart and I hope you’re okay. I hope I never get that call. You’ve already changed so much over a few days
I’m not strong enough to be your friend
Losing you hurts so fucking much and there’s nothing more I want than to have you in my life. But you knew from the start that if you want to bring that into your life than I’m leaving. I’m not be controlling or hypocritical. I’m done
your relationship doesn’t have to be toxic to be a bad one. it can be unfulfilling, exhausting, loveless. and someone doesn’t have to be terrible to you for you to leave them. if you aren’t primarily happy in your relationship, you have a valid reason to not be in it. don’t beat yourself up because your situation “could be worse.” if it isn’t what you want, you don’t have to stay in it.
theartofmadeline
areudirty
andulkaphoto
blakekathryn
