I feel like I'm mentally abused right now that I'm drained physically too. Today makes me feel like I'm in a shithole and I chose to stay here when (in my mind) I know how hard I paddled my way to be out of here for years already but I'm still stucked. I can't help but question myself if it's really my fault. If I did lack that much. I am not always firm but I rarely fight myself. I am my ally. Because I don't really see who would aside from myself. But it really is making me tremble, when I falter. When I doubt myself like this. I hate it. I hate it so much. But blaming something or someone doesn't gonna help, even if I know it's not entirely my fault, but it is. What the fcking heck. I don't like myself right now. I want to fight but I'm losing the battle to fight for. It feels like fighting doesn't gonna ease whatever I'm feeling. Rather, it'll make it worse. I am getting stronger but my life does not get easier. I am usually cold as steel but my heart aches so much right now that no one ever bothers to ask me if I'm okay. I feel so alone. I feel so suffocated. I feel so fake. These tears ain't gonna take me anywhere...
















