I wrote a novel about gay nuns and put it on Ao3:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/82318446

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@stargir1z
I wrote a novel about gay nuns and put it on Ao3:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/82318446
My life is like a puzzle that I keep trying to put together but it just keeps breaking into more and more pieces that get lost or covered in mysterious juice
Went thru so many emotions today I literally felt myself dipping into depression and then severe overwhelm and then after a severe oolong milk tea with hazelnut cheese foam I realized I can just rethink everything... read Buchanan on the bus and went to the gym and changed everything after asking on story what's best and now there are men in my house speaking in southern accents and playing assassin's creed
Hyperformalism: Notes on Machine Vision and Art Historical Method by Benjamin Zweig
Imean I'm thinking about everyone always, and then feeling bad for thinking about everyone, or for the way I think about everyone; I hate being accused of treating someone as a 'project' when really I just treat everyone like an artist, which is the only thing I believe in. I don't believe in telling people what to do but rather letting them actually tell me what it is what they want and often they're so scared of actually telling me or themselves what they really want that it makes me look like I've decided for them. When deciding for someone else wouldn't just be cruel, it would be boring... when I'm exactly obsessed with entropy and uncovering what's out of my control. That's my actual neurosis - getting you to challenge me... anyways. Anyways! Idk. I've been feeling crazy, crazy about whatever the fuck I'm doing. I feel completely batshit. I feel like I'm not as cohesive, responsive, or sane as I used to be. I don't even respond the same way grammatically to time or to social cues. But I'm also like. Idk. Winning in the most obscure and crazy fucking way? And I feel a bit OP'd. I just wish I had someone who was having some sort of similar experience. My dream for 2027 is a girl mirror who gets what's actually going on day by day in my brain. To work with and against etc. I'm just up here at 4am caffeinated. Saving 300 pound shoes and a coat to my notes, as if I could have it or not. Everything depends on one day to the next it's kind of insane. It's insane. 3 months ago I was working at a restaurant. 6 months ago I was fresh back from the US and in love (piss fuck). I'm thinking about him and honestly the way the world works for me.. I know that means he's thinking of me. But I'm just not biting the bait. I'm not going to stress. I'm going to take it day by day. I'm going to wait until things steady out a bit. The rest of July is in the bin, stability wise, but after that things should level out - no matter how they go. And then soon it's my birthday... I want to unclench my jaw. I want to unclench my jaw
Jesse Zuo (Chinese, 2000) - Moonlit Canopy (2025)
bella sara ancient lights card collection (2007)
you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for an amazing reason
Given that [The Namesake] was my first novel [her debut was the Pulizer-winning short story collection The Interpreter of Maladies] the process of writing of it was itself new, confusing, at times bewildering. I was learning how to dilate a short story into a novel, and I had the feeling of scraping at life, scraping at my past in order to imbue the story with essence. The book was written by a young person, a young artist. The language, though English, feels composed in an alternate rhythm, in a cadence I've since abandoned. Like Ashima's hair on her wedding day, the prose, from my current perspective, is a bit unruly, refusing to "lie flat." Some of the scenes still feel true to me, emotionally. Other parts feel more obviously constructed. I was trying to grab hold of a part of life that was passing rapidly, that had already passed in great part. I was trying to better understand the frame of mind of the two people who had raised me. The driving impulse, back then, was to layer in details, as many and as specific as possible. What I continue to appreciate about the book are the interior states of mind, certain observations. In order to grow and change as a writer, I have slowly distanced myself from the rest.
The Namesake's great themes are change and becoming, inventing, adapting. assimilating, adjusting to new states of being. It is about how life's direction can be interrupted. It is about wanting to be something other than oneself. Given these basic themes, it resembles all my other books. The battle with myself, my origins, my place in the world, goes on. New identities, languages, and settings have been incorporated, former habits and passions have made space for others. Were I to stop fully waging this battle, I would cease to know myself, and my quess is that I would stop writing.
I am now, stylistically, quite far from The Namesake. I write in a phase of concentration, of distillation, with the aim to drain away cultural specificity, to limit details, to speak more abstractly of the places and things and customs that represent who we are. The novel I have recently published, along with all the rest of my writing in ltalian thus far, dispenses with the use of names altogether. Having said this. I am still examining the same basic questions of place and belonging, only through a different lens. My characters these davs are individuals with only vaguely identifiable backgrounds, They dwell in nameless cities. And yet they, too, struggle with who they are.
Jhumpa Lahiri, afterword to 15th anniversary edition of The Namesake, 2018
Challengers is still just as good
I love it when a pretty and sweltering city is the background for my completely internal psychic dramas
Calling men who literally think about immanence and transgression ‘trade’
Deleuzian triadic tryst with beautiful girl I respect and adore and a guy who has the words ‘Phenomenology of Spirit’ permanently on his body and other words too. I mean I guess time and place had to do it but that wine was cursed
Maybe I dream of a partner with whom I can create vast orchestrations of risk and reward with only subliminal and unconscious calculations on both of our parts. Preferably part of the theatre-game is hurting no one in the process