Confessions: Parce que Tout a Changé
I’ve always dread the thought of my heart stopping in a random moment. Possibly hate it if that moment was really special. But I would never have believed that I could experience it, ever in my monotonous life.
Especially now. As in right now.
I kept on finding the right moment to tell you those precarious words, and often I got impatient and just wondered, if I had told you those words sooner, would it be believable? Would it drastically change the way we look at each other right now? Would it make things so, so complicated? And every time my answer was yes.
So I kept on searching, waiting for that one moment.
That special moment where as children, we were made to believe that saying those words would have to happen in perfect timing, where the mood and setting is magical and wonderful and all those flowery adjectives teeming in a supposedly, fairy tale. A fairy tale.
And I’ve always pondered if fairy tales do happen. Do exist, in particular.
I grew sceptic, to the point where I strongly agreed that those things are meant to be heard, known, and believed when we were still children, and only up to that point.
Because growing up does not make you see life as a fairy tale, but a true story. A gruesome, horrible story.
But then, I realized that we will never have those kinds of magical moments as shown by the mass media. However, we’ll have and we will create our own beautiful moments that we can strongly compare to those things. Memories where we can truly feel we’re the princess in the story, or the hero, or simply just the skimpy character in the side-line, who in the end may just have played a vital role in the story.
And this is one of those times.
You just gave me one of the best days ever. We went out on a date, we laughed at your goofy antics, we took silly photos, we ate our favourite food, and in the end that sweet, sweet moment put the vibrant cherry on top that made me decide that this is it. This is it.
We were lying on the grass, looking at the stars as they twinkled far from the usual glimmer they usually show. My fingers were trembling, and I can see you were starting to notice my uneasiness. So you teasingly looked at me. Fiercely, I may add.
This is really, really, is it.
“Hey, I have something to tell you.”
Seconds, minutes, precious moments passed. So you just continued to look at me, and slowly raised your eyebrows, expecting a follow-up riposte. But then I felt my confidence slowly pouring down the drain, so I just looked at you awkwardly. Then I saw the frustration in your eyes. Oh, your eyes.
You even sulked for a while, because you kept on waiting for me to say what I have to say. Then I gathered all the courage I have left for that day, rolled over to your back (as you were lying on your stomach), bent close to your ear, hugged you for a sec, and said those three little words.
You inwardly smiled, and I saw it even though I knew it wasn’t for my eyes to see. But after a short while, you rolled onto your back, faced me, held my face firmly, looked into my eyes, and came with an unexpected response:
And I swore, at that moment, the stars felt like fireworks shooting up in the sky.
