karasu literally cannot stop teasing you. it does not matter where you are or what you are doing, he always has something smart to say. when you are trying to order food, he is leaning in all close, whispering little comments just to mess you up. it is honestly so annoying, but that is kind of his thing. his unofficial life goal is to get you all flustered and cute over nothing.
he is such a softie when it comes to gifts though. like, a huge gift giver. he just loves seeing you happy in a real, genuine way, so he is always picking out little things that remind him of you. but if you give him something back, oh my god. he melts. completely. even if it is something small, he acts like you handed him the world and suddenly he is even more obsessed with you than before, if that is even possible.
all of the blue lock boys love seeing their s/o in the crowd when they are playing a game but karasu is a whole other story. seeing you in the stands cheering him on boosts his ego so much. bonus points if you're wearing HIS jersey with HIS last name and HIS number, ugh he can't get enough of it.
people talk about sassy man apocalypse but he's literally the ceo of sassiness. sometimes he'll say something that comes off as rude and he doesn't even notice at first... until you're ignoring him and rolling your eyes at everything he says. he has to give you puppy eyes, and promise to do something in order for you to forgive him.
he LOVESS it when you're jealous. especially when you deny being jealous and it gives him the chance to tease and taunt you even more. but the moment he sees you're pissed off he'll apologize and tell you how cute you look jealous and then correct himself saying "oh my bad, you're not jealous." and at the end of the day you have to give in because he's just so annoying.
anytime he has to go away, whether it be for a soccer match that's longterm or just not being able to stay with you he is extremely upset. gets the biggest mood-swings when you're not around and his friends definitely notice. he calls you every chance he gets and he loves hearing your voice on the other end of the line, he's obsessed with you utterly and completely.
karasu is kind of a complete and total idiot.. anytime you get sick he's so scared because he has no idea how to take care of you. literally has yukimiya on speed dial to call him if anything happens, like your temperature going higher or your non stop coughing. you think it's actually hilarious and have to assure him that you are not dying from a disease and that it's just a common cold.
ยฉ kuyasbun | don't copy, steal, feed into ai, or translate
โโโโโโโโโโโโ .SLY WORDS OF LOVE
.synopsis saying, karasu loves to tease you is an understatement | .contents headcanons. fluff. kinda ooc karasu.
.pairing sly!karasu x shy!gn!reader | .fandom blue lock
SLY!KARASU saying, he loves to mess around and play his games with you is an understatement.
SLY!KARASU who made it his life mission to mess around with you until he pulls on your last straw. But you'd never let it out on him, too scared he might get turned off by how you react.
SLY!KARASU loves to prank you. Be it by misplacing and hiding things around your room or "borrowing" things of yours only to "forget" to bring them back, making you incredibly irritated. But he'd never bring his little inconveniences over the top to make fun of you in any way. He only wants to be... annoying...
SLY!KARASU who "accidentally" takes your school bag with him more often than not, only for you to watch him during practice. him unnecessarily flexing around with new tricks and moves during games.
SLY!KARASU who loves it, when you try to cheer for him, only to stop after you realise everyone around you are hearing your rather quiet cheers, too, not wanting to embarrass yourself or him.
SLY!KARASU who stretches his arms on purpose, only to catch you checking him out and then wink at you playfully, making you blush furiously.
SLY!KARASU who hopes you trip over your own feet, then positions himself to catch you. your stammering, apologising a thousand times for your clumsiness, and red cheeks only widening the grin on his face.
SLY!KARASU who only men-spreads when he knows you watch him, trying to take as much space as possible, so he catches your eye. But the only thing he achieves is that you're looking away, like someone caught you robbing the louvre.
SLY!KARASU who ideally has you on his lap, whispering sweet, flirty things in your ear, making you blush, your face burning as hell, but he'd never cross the invisible line he has set himself to not make the whole situation awkward as hell.
SLY!KARASU who playfully pulls you towards him but never truly does anything to watch you getting embarrassed.
SLY!KARASU who secretly has a little crush on you but never would actually cross the line until he's a 100% sure you like him too.
SLY!KARASU who asks you to stay and wait for him after practice.
SLY!KARASU who overthinks how he actually wants to confess in the lockers but once he steps out of the room, it's like all his worries flew away and his cheekiness bubbles up to the surface again. It's like nothing happened just a few seconds ago.
SLY!KARASU who takes his time when finally standing in front of you, trying to read your body language. You're all giddy, lightly hopping from one leg to another, clearly stressed out, but trying to hide it.
SLY!KARASU who simply blurts out his feelings towards you, asks you out and simply waits for your response. His expectations are high, since he already knows what awaits him.
You stop your movement, inhale sharply and look at him with big eyes for a moment. Those eyes he has learned to adore so much, only for you to turn your head away and stare at the ground. He should have expected that-
SLY!KARASU who wasn't sure if you said something, only catching a whisper at how lost he was in his thoughts. "Pardon, but may you repeat yourself, my dear?" only to watch you blush harder and make yourself smaller even more.
"y-yes. I'd like to go on a date with you." A full sentence with almost no stammering. That's something new. Still, a little too low on the volume, but we could work on that, right?
SLY!KARASU who smiles in content at your response and pulls you towards him, leaning in, only to stop right in front of your lips and not close the gap between his and your lips, and pulls you towards the gates of the building, ignoring your stammering.
partners who cant control themselves when it comes to you. their hips buck erratically inside of you, grinding and fighting against the painful pleasure. its sloppy and messy, cum spilling out of you with every thrust. it hurt โ overstimulation makes their muscles spasm as they rut forward, the pleasure addicting as they fuck and and out of you.
youโve long been fucked out of your mind, brain empty as drool spills from your lips and tears prick at your eyes as yet another orgasm builds up.
โjust one more,โ they huff, barely above a whisper, so fragile its obvious they dont even believe it. it was โone moreโ 3 rounds ago, yet despite their promises, their hips dont stop, their dick ramming in and out of you as they chase the peak of the pleasure.
their body aches with overexertion โ cock begging for a break but their brain refuses to stop. theyโre addicted to the feeling of you milking them, of you clenching and creaming around them.
babbles spill from their lips, โthank yousโ and praises between moans as they feel their orgasm coming on, thrusts getting faster and faster before digging as deep as they can, releasing inside of you and adding to the impossibly full feeling in your stomach.
the warmth spreads throughout you, their fingers reaching down to play with you โ begging you for just one more orgasm.
Forsaken: Elliot, Two Time, Shedletsky, Chance, 007n7
You and Karasu were on your date, as usual. He had thankfully gotten out of practice on time (with a little convincing), and you were grateful for the opportunity. You two were at a fancier restaurant right now; not too fancy, but good enough that you had to look presentable and dress up. Despite coming from practice and only taking a quick shower, Karasuโs hair was perfectly styled. How quickly could he even do that? Youโll have to askโฆ
As you were seated, the waiter came by and asked what you two had wanted.
You glanced at the menu and picked out the most appealing option, โIโll haveโฆ #4 please!โ
Karasu looks up from his menu, โIโll have 5 please. Thank you.โ
The waiter nods, โAlright. Coming up!โ
As you were waiting for the food, you and Karasu talked for a bit. Just about some mundane things. School, soccer, student council; the usual. You were complaining about the upcoming English vocab test when the food finally came. Gosh, you were starving.
You take a bite from your order. The flavors fill your mouth, โmmmmh! Tabito! This is so good!โ
Tabito smiles as you say that, looking soft, โMust be. Ainโt that your favorite?โ
โYou remember?โ You raise an eyebrow.
Tabito scoffs, โOf course I do?โ
โRight, because you're sooooo obsessed with me.โ You tease. Seems like that's your favorite thing to do when it comes to Tabito.
Karasu keeps his smile plastered on his face, โMaybe I am~โ
You turn a bit red, โIโd expect that from someone like you. Pervert.โ You say that last part in a joking way.
โHmโฆ callinโ yer boyfriend a pervert? That isnโt nice, (name).โ Karasu returns the banter, as usual. Thatโs your favorite thing about him. As he takes another bite of his food, you notice some sauce on the corner of his mouth. Leaning in from the other side of the table, you wipe Tabitoโs face with a napkin.
โThere.โ You say, satisfied. โCanโt have you looking like more of a loser than you already are.โ
โReally? Or maybe ya just care for me too much.โ Karasu responds.
You get a bright idea. You donโt skip a beat, opening your mouth with a grin, โIโm just makinโ sure that my seat for tonight is clean.โ
โOkayโฆโ It takes a moment for him to process what you said. Karasuโs eyes widen, โWHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?โ
โYou wouldnโt wanna sit on a dirty seat, no?โ You reason.
Karasu and you both laugh in unison. The purple-haired man can barely stop laughing, โand Iโm the pervert, name?โ
Fuck. He got me there, โIs that really such a crime?โ
Karasu rolls his eyes, โWhen ya always tease me about it, yeah. Fuckinโ hypocrite pervert.โ
โTch! Thatโs my thing!โ
โProjectionโฆโ Karasu replies in a sing-song voice.
You take a bite out of your food to ignore him. Tabito has the last word this time. Itโs fineโฆ maybe youโll just study extra hard for the vocab test and beat him as revengeโฆ You could practically sense the scowl on his face when youโd do that.
You guys both sat quietly after that for the rest of your meal. You kept sneaking glances at yourโฆ boyfriend. Huh. It was weird to say that word sometimes; especially directed to Tabito. Youโve spent so long arguing and bickering in class that it felt soโฆ unreal. Even though it was still a bit unusual at times, that didnโt change anyoneโs feelings about it; you or Tabito. Tabito couldnโt lie either; heโs been much happier lately with you by his side.
After you both were done, Karasu insisted heโd pay the bill. Like a good partner does. He better not be insinuating that Iโm not a good partner, you thought to yourself.
โYou can get this one, Tabito. Iโll get the next one.โ You say as he hands the waiter his card.
โNext one? Arenโt you excitedโฆโ Tabito states.
You relax a bit, admitting the truth, โMaybe I am.โ
โHm. โCourse ya are, pervert. What? Want me to be a good seat?โ Karasu brings your slightly unhinged statement back up.
โYes, actually.โ You reply instantly with no hesitation.
Karasu argues back, โPerv.โ
โTch. You probably enjoy it yourself.โ
The waiter comes back with the card and the bill shortly after. You and Tabito spend the rest of the night together, hanging out and talking. Right now, it felt so natural; two people connected by fate. And you wouldnโt have it any other wayโฆ
Oh, and you also found out that Tabito was a great seat.
synopsis: After Karasu becomes thoroughly annoyed by a game afterparty, he urges you to leave with him.
character: Karasu Tabito
warning/s: mentions of alcohol
notes: i tried writing in second person and it wasn't so bad im ngl... anyway sorry for not posting, I wanted to be a pig my entire christmas break so i slept instead of writing. this oneshot was so random bro idk where it came from...
creds: none!
The clock had just struck 1.
As in 1 AM. Music boomed throughout the large penthouse, lights dimmed low, and the stench of alcohol wafted through the air.
You only had time to quickly jump into the shower after the game and slip on a cute outfit to go to the celebration.
Karasu slipped on a dress shirt that somewhat matched your outfit and slacks.
It was an enjoyable time from the moment you both arrived. Being greeted with drinks and hugs and laughter, until after a while the mostly cordial celebration transformed into a makeshift bar.
Players sprawled on couches yelling at the television over some other match, some of the guests passed out at the bar and the rest loudly partying.
It was honestly kind of gross.
Karasu sipped a drink from a solo cup, eyeing his surroundings until you approached him for seemingly the umpteenth time.
"Tabito... what's wrong with your face?" Your hands lifted to hold his cheeks. "I hate it when you frown." You pouted at him slightly, fingers brushing past his beauty mark.
His frown deepened with a sigh exiting his lips.
"Listen, babe. I'm all for partying after a win, but this?" He gestured toward the rest of the room with his eyebrows.
Players passed out on the couch, people singing bad karaoke, a bunch of random girls and guys dancing on each other... How much worse could this get?
"Okay okay.. I get it. But maybe go and socialize with your teammates a bit? It'll lift your spirits for sure!" Your enthusiasm wasn't rubbing off on him.
Instead Karasu scoffed, placing his cup on the nearby table. "I socialize enough with them on the pitch. The only person I should be socializing with... is you." His fingers slithered from your hips to your waist, a smirk finally sneaking onto his face.
You rolled your eyes but couldn't hold back the grin on your face.
"Oh please..." You gently nudged him away.
His grip tightened slightly and pulled you closer.
"I'm serious. Come on..." He dragged his words, "Let's get out of here." His head nodded towards the door.
You side eyed the door and sighed.
You could barely even hear your boyfriend over the booming music, and you'd honestly rather be home in bed watching TV with him anyway.
"I mean..." You began hesitantly as Karasu's smirk widened by the second.
"I guess we could leave a little early..." He chuckled in response to your statement.
"Early? Baby, it's damn near 2 in the morning now. It's time to leave, come on." He hurriedly dragged you toward the entrance, where your coats were.
"Tabito, hold on!" You giggled through your words as you rushed to the foyer before anyone could stop you.
Karasu grabbed your coats hanging next to each other and slid his on quickly.
"Here." He whispered, muffled music still blasting in the background. Instead of handing you your coat, he lifted your right arm and held your coat up, waiting for you to slide your hands through the sleeve
You quickly obliged and did the same with the other sleeve.
"You should zip your coat up, its cold out now..." He murmured, circling you, holding the zipper of your coat and fiddling with it. Once he finally got it up, your hand was in his and you were both out the door.
----
The low hum of the elevator to get to the first floor of the building was soothing, you didn't realize just how tired you were until you felt yourself being lulled to sleep.
You let out a tired sigh, leaning your head back against the wall and closing your eyes.
Karasu slung his arm around your shoulder in the silence and rested his head on yours.
After a beat, he smirked against your hair. Lips almost touching your forehead.
"Aren't you glad we left early?"
You bumped your hip toward him softly with a smile, "Shut up Tabito."
"Just sayin'..." He tilted his head slightly, lips meeting your forehead and a warm ghost of a kiss brushed against your head.
Writer's note: Thank you so, so much for giving me inspiration for this, @x3nafix. Listen to Wiege (IvanTill) for the vibes. Have painโ I mean, have fun reading!
[ I was crying inside when I wrote this. ]
karasu x gn!reader, hanahaki AU with a bit of my own spin to it, yukimiya-otoya-hiori cameo, philosophical themes, complex dynamics, magical realism elements, mashup of so many ideas oh gods. Only this writing and Tanaka belong to me. All other named characters belong to BLLK! Wordcount~ 2.4k
CONTENT WARNING: HEAVY ANGST, major character death, intensive descs of dissociation, no comfort, implied reader death. This is hardcore shit, I'm warning you.
Flowers usually bloomed where there was light. Majority in daylight; some at nighttime still, yet all were tended to and raised in the light. Moonlight was the gentler sibling of sunshine, and they still found their nutrition through the sun; so, ancient folklore and science alike figured that where flowers lay, light had to accompany it.
The hanahaki disease evolved out of the common cough solely to spite that arrogant belief humans held, that they knew everything.
"I'm back," you call out. There's no call back to answer youโ but you know he's in there. You sigh and kick off your shoes, and you navigate to his bedroomโ where your best friend and roommate lay, curled up under a blanket. His hair isn't waxed up nor is he responding with a witty comment. No, his eyes are shut, skin paler than you knew it once to be, and the only sign of life you can see is how unevenly his chest rises and falls.
You feel your eyes burn at the sight, and you quickly avert your gaze, setting down the bag at his nightstand, putting your brave face on. You call out softly. "Tabito."
He opens his eyes slowly, gaze slowly locking onto yours. He manages a weak smile, trying to sit up. "You're backโ" the rest of his sentence is drowned out by a violent coughing fit, one that has your chest aching from both the thought of flowers in one's lungs and from... him being afflicted by it.
"Will the crow never stop chattering?" you chastise him lightly. He manages a full grin at thatโ there he was, your Tabito. Your best friend who had stuck with you through it all. The rationality to your unpredictability. Stupid, you thought. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
The irrational one was him for refusing treatment, not you. He'd rather destroy himself loving someone than confess it or get it surgically removed. You suspected he loved Otoyaโ why else would he not confess it, considering Otoya was one of the straightest people you knew? And surgical removal meant loss of feelingsโ why did he want to stay in love?
Wasn't love just a sickening hypocrisy of caring for someone else the way you'd never do for yourself, given a pretty name?
"Oi, don't go all silent on me," he speaks slowly, to not trigger a fit again. You snap out of your thoughts, and sit down next to him. Your hand reaches out to take two petals from his lap, each a different flower that sprouted in his lungs. He doesn't joke about them being tainted with his bloodโ he knows you'd break down immediately if he did.
Kuroyuri and tsubaki. Black lily and camellia. Cursed love and the death of a warrior.
"These are so like you, Tabito," you turn the camellia petal around in your finger, knowing what it meant. Camellias never withered in petalsโ it fell off as a whole. There were no camellias until now. He gazes at you, wondering how to respond.
"Like me?" he asks, voice hoarse. You nod, humming softly, missing his smooth, low voice. "Yeah. It's just... so much like you to know love's a cursed little shit and yet to fall with all your resolve."
He can't help itโ a gentle laugh bubbles out of him for a moment. You close your eyes, replaying it in your head. You hear him speak after a singular cough. "Maybe. You know me too well."
"The crow keeps its dignity even in the face of death, huh?"
He has noticed the change in your voice. The little crack at the beginning of it, the breath at the end. He doesn't say anything, knowing what was coming. You glance up at him, eyes burning againโ meeting his own dark blue eyes. The most beautiful you'd ever seen, that had already decided against your request.
"Tabito, let's get you treated, please. Don't let yourself wither away like this," you say quietly. Your request pains him, far more than you'd ever know.
"I ain't getting that fuckass surgery."
You're desperate now. "Tabito, listen to me. You're gonna be dead by next week at this rate. Please confess to who you love or get that surgery. No one's gonna judge you for confessing, even if it's Eita!" You watch his eyes widen as you continue. "We all want you to survive, so just... please. Confess it out. Get rid of that energy that's poisoning you."
Karasu stares at you for a long time. "You think I like Otoya, of all people?" He sounds incredulous despite the scratchy voice not allowing him to express himself well. You sigh, dropping your face in your hands.
"Maybe not, Iโ I don't know. Just figured. Either way, please."
"No."
You want to scream, but nothing comes out. You have a vision of yourselfโ standing in pure black space, no concept of time surrounding you. You can call out in that void, but only your voice would echo back in that darkness, further making you aware of where you stood.
It's a terrifying vision, and you snap out of it, to see his concerned gaze, a hand on your shoulder. Curse the gods, you think. Why does it feel like he's already a ghost?
"Snap out of it. 'M alright," he mutters. You shut your eyes. You'd let him pretend, you'd pretend it was alright, too. For his sake.
He shut the apartment door in your face two days after that.
"Hell, I just need some space to take care of myself," he had said, cutting off your protests. "And I know yer ass can't handle seeing me like this. Ya worry too much. I'll be fine."
It was true. You'd been texting Otoya more frequently, asking if you could stay over at his apartment. Karasu had started coughing up entire camellias already. They were smaller than average, but you knew it was the beginning of the end. And you couldn't bear to see him retching over a bowl, an entire camellia falling into it with a sharp, metallic stench. You later realized that the petals of the red camellia had bloodstains on them.
Love is hypocrisy at its finest. The soul cares for another the way it wishes itself to be cared for, yet it won't care for itself the same way. It's a wretched, wretched thing that will brand the soul irreversibly with memories, and yet pulls it back continuously to it. An eternal fall. And when the one you love suffers, you suffer with them silently, until self-preservation takes over and screams for distance. At that moment alone is when a soul loves itself more. At the worst possible time. Hypocrisy at its finest. Whatever happened to staying until the end?
But Karasu knew this. Which is why he isolates you from him. Or, rather, isolates himself from the world. The crow's image is long since goneโ it prefers silence now. Peace.
It was just a matter of when, now.
You know it before the call even comes.
The laptop screen is still glowing, a half finished document in it. The cursor blinks at the end of the file, mocking. Counting up, not down. More alive than the night. More alive than you feel.
There's an unpleasant feeling in the pit of your stomach as you stare at the screen, a void slowly growing inside you much like the night in winter. Silent, fast, it takes over everything in sight and reduces them to an existence you cannot perceive with your eyes. The cursor counts up, not down. As if the worst has passed. Then, you get the call.
The ride to the hospital is chaotic. Your ears are ringing; the lights of the city zoom past the backseat windows, and you feel as if you're untethered, no longer in the same world as the rest in the car. You barely register the strangeness of the entire situationโ Hiori, the ever composed one, is slumped forward, head down and pressed against the driver's backrest. Yukimiya is in front of you, on call, voice devoid of his gentleness as he desperately talks to the nurse on the other end. Otoya is driving at a speed you know is too high, and he looks unusually desperate. Devastated, you later realize, was the term for all four of you.
You don't rush to the ER. There's no point in any of it. Not your devastation, not in hurrying.
Tabito Karasu no longer exists in your world.
"He told us not to inform you until he'd passed," Dr. Tanaka, an old man with kind eyes, pensively speaks. "It was his last request." Your ears are still ringing when he further informs you the state of his body.
In some potent cases, when the person in question died deciding they would rather not forget their love, the body would not rot after death. Flowers would bloom out of it, die, be reborn, rinse and repeatโ and the corpse would be fresh, as if forever frozen in time. It went against every formerly known law of science. However, hanahaki, too, existed to spite reality. A curse born out of the negativity humans held in them. They would not be burnedโ but buried, to let the flowers live in the light for once. Karasu was one among them.
You could almost see itโ him looking the same as always, peacefully asleep, the same calmness on his face as he did when confronted with danger. The only difference was, now purplish-black lilies and red camellias would bloom out of his body, and he would never wake up.
Hiori gets up and leaves at that point, unable to hear more. Otoya is sitting, face buried in his hands. Yukimiya has a hard glare, one refusing to break although he has glassy eyes. You are stoic. You listen silently.
Dr. Tanaka sympathetically hands you Karasu's case file. One with a black cover and the outline of a red flower, for all hanahaki cases the hospital encountered. You lean forward and begin to read. You get to the end, and you read the name of the person who Karasu mentioned as the root.
Your name stares back at you like a death sentence.
Your ears are ringing again. Your eyes burnโ was there something in the paper that made it hard to look at? You can vaguely hear Dr. Tanaka saying something, with that look of sympathy you hated, and there are hands on your shoulder, a frantic request for you to snap out of itโ you can't tell if it's Yukimiya or Otoya, not anymore, because none of it mattered when Karasu was just there, frozen in time, covered in black lilies and camelliasโ
You hear someone scream, and feel strong arms holding you, a shaky plea from behind. Your throat burns like someone had ploughed it for sowing, and only then do you realize that Yukimiya had caught you, begging you to come back, and you were the one screaming.
You didn't attend the funeral.
Karasu's family had buried him in a cemetery where these cases of hanahaki victims were buriedโ one that resembled a flower garden more than a graveyard, blooming with life that they were robbed so cruelly of. Unrequited love, unconfessed love, love that was too complex to survive, love that couldn't meet the light of day without dying anywayโ all of them, without distinction, took the form of beautiful flowers, finally allowed to grow in the light. They had called you for the funeralโ how could they not? You were his best friend, and his loveโ and they had understood when you turned it down with a heavy apology.
Love is a hypocrisy. It heals, it breaks, it cradles and it takes. A paradox that had no beginning or end. Labels like romantic and platonic had no meaning to itโ hanahaki did not discriminate, for it was the child of two great forces. But it was also unfair, so unfair unlike its parents. If it were an omnipotent source like its parents, then why would it take away Karasu, knowing you loved him? That you hadn't the strength to tell him because to tell him, you'd have to face it yourself? He hadn't expressed the full level of his adoration towards you because of the sameโ and instead of encountering the terrifying entity called Love, he had instead chosen the lesser terrifying of the twoโ hanahaki's other parent, Death.
You sit at the rooftop, looking over the artificial lights of the city. There were people on the streetsโ some with fixed destinations, some aimless, some returning home and some leaving forever. All of them knew their mortality, and yet lived every day as immortals did. All of them knew love was a curse since the existence of hanahaki disease was confirmed years ago, and yet they loved fiercely in every moment. When an animal lover ran across a stray kitten, when a shivering person felt the sunlight hit them in winter, when an artist finishes their piece to their satisfaction, and when a person meant enough to them that they decided, maybe they were worth all the flowers in the world.
You cough a little. The scratch in your throat had never really faded since that night, and it burns now, but not because of devastation. Noโ you cough a bit more, and catch the spat-out petal with your hand. You glance at it. A composite ray floret of the lightest shade of purple, stained red at its ends. The shion flower, a beautiful aster.
If someone knewโ if Yukimiya, Otoya or Hiori came to know about itโ they would most definitely make you undergo surgery. The one who warranted your confession was already goneโ this flower stood testament to that. Aster was the flower of remembrance. But as you stare at the petal, you can't help but smile a little, although your chest hurts from both the cough and the pain of losing your love. Strange, you think. I'm not afraid at all.
You blow the petal away from your hand and watch it drift into the city pulsing with life below. Remembrance was silent. This would be a secret between you and the universe, until you too, bloomed flowers one day.
Writer's note PT.2: Made it to the end? Go and read this if you want a happy ending. I apologize for the pain I have caused.
[ @someprettyname , @i-am-so-strange (this is specially for you btw) , @azraeyuu , @x3nafix , @helpwhat (I know this is not your style I'm sorry) , @the-lazyyy-artist ]
Tags: Hanahaki disease, reader comes from a prestigious family, reader is referred to by they/them, no use of y/n, title is a PJSK reference, academic rivals to lovers
Word count: 14k (according to grammarly)
Tags: @kaikaikarasu @azraeyuu
The first petal came on a fall Sunday.
How strange. A petal this time of year?
The soft glow of the light illuminated the room. There, on the floor, lay a single red carnation petal. Karasu paused, glancing at it. How odd. How did he cough up something like that? Was that even medically possible?
The purple haired man bent down and picked it up. Its red body practically gazed up at him. Karasu picked it up, "The fuck?"
He hadn't been to practice lately because of that stupid damn fever. Coach was gonna have a field day with him once he got back. What was he gonna say? He was coughing up flowers? Coach wouldn't believe something as absurd as that; despite the truth. The man twirled it around his fingers. Why? Out of everything that could happen to him, why? He'd already been having a shitty week;' so why curse him with a flower?
So Karasu did the only thing he knew how to do. Go to Google.
And thank God for that.
Hanahaki, huh? So I'm not dying yet? Good to know.
Sighing, Karasu closes his laptop screen.
Its something straight out of a fanfiction. Itโs like something a 12 year old would write. It had already started; nothing he could do about it now. Karasu carefully lifted his laptop screen up again.
A disease that made you cough up flowers, huh? That was something.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Karasu returned to football practice the next day with bags under his eyes and tissues in his pocket. His bag was by his side as he stepped onto the turf.
Bambi Osaka was the Youth Club that he's been with for years. Nearly every day after school, he's been at this field; running drills and shooting the ball into the net. It was the same old routine. Karasu was almost never missed practice; being the captain had its responsibilities, after all. So him being absent this long over a fever was unusual, to say the least.
As the purple haired boy stepped onto the turf, all eyes were on him. He knew he looked horrible; nobody had to point it out for him.
Karasu heard the voice of his coach call out to him, "Karasu Tabito! Where've ya been?"
"I'm sorry, sensei. I've been sick these past few days." Karasu bowed down to him.
"Eh-? Oh right... You sent me that email yesterday. It came to me asa surprise. I ain't never seen ya sick. Plus, yer the captain, after all! Ya never miss a day of practice if you can help it. I'll be pushing ya today."
Karasu nodded, "Of course, sir."
"Now go get yerself changed and ready for practice. It's the usual today. I hope you at least reflected on your plays last tournament while you were sick."
"I did, sir. I'll be going now." Karasu dismissed himself.
Walking to the changing rooms, he spotted his teammates. Some came over to say hi and while the others avoided him. The usual. Once everyone was out of the locker rooms and ready, everyone started stretching togehter. Toe touches, crouching down, the same routine that they did every day.
Practice was ordinary.
Karasu did the drills perfectly and controlled the ball with expert precison. You could barely tell he was rusty from not having been to practice for a few days.
"Lookin' good, Karasu!"
Karsu smiled as he heard those words. Of course he was looking good during practice. How could be not? After all that effort he put in to not be mediocre, he should be looking good.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Practice had just finished; Karasu's hair slightly damp from the shower as he slipped into his shirt and shorts. He lay in his bed at home; scrolling on his phone. It was a rare moment of relaxation; one which he could barely afford.
He started coughing again; which was to be expected since he was sick. However; this time, another one of those godforsaken red carnation petals came out of his throat. Karasu picked it up again. Ever since the first petal came yesterday, he's only coughed up five petals. This would be his sixth.
Karasu carefully placed it in the trash. Where it belonged. He wasn't going to let some silly sickness take over him. Karasu Tabito had people to prove himself to, a blooming soccer career (even though he was a third year), and things to achieve in his life. What could a few measly petals do to him?
Plus. Was he even in love in the first place? Was he even worthy enough to love a person? Scratch that. Of course he wasn't.
Karasu Tabito was flawed, and he knew it. He knew it all too well.
So maybe this was the karma god bestowed upon him for being a selfish, sharp tongued prick. Maybe this is his punishment for being an asshole to everyone he found mediocre. The purple haired man sighed at his thoughts. He couldn't think of anyone who he was in love with. Wasn't love supposed to be that warm feeling. The kind that makes your heart patter and your brain a bit fuzzy. Everyone he knew described it as that. Why wasn't he feeling it? This made no sense. How could be have a disease rooted for love when he was so sure he didn't have the ability to do that in the first place?
As he propped open his laptop, Karasu continued researching. As the night fell, only sounds of his typing remained. Midnight grew closer and Karasu felt himself falling into numerous internet rabbit holes. This journey had him searching the farthest corners of reddit and even going onto what seemed like an abandoned forum page (it was from 2012, after all).
Even though Karasu spent hours looking through shitty reddit threads and abandoned forums, he felt like he didn't get anywhere. Hell, there was barely any research done with the disease. After all, how could scientists not have done any research on it. Or at the very least, heard of it. What type of mediocre scientists did we have in this world?
Karasu closed the laptop. He wasn't getting anywhere, so why shold he continue now? It felt useless. He felt useless for not being able to do anything.
Even though he had closed his laptop, he didn't fall back asleep just yet.
One of the things he hated most about himself was his overthinking.
As the next hour drew closer, Tabito's thoughts went wild. Would he just keep coughing up flowers for the rest of his life? Would this interfere with his life? Was hanahaki... fatal?
He didn't want to know the answer to that question.
~~~~~~~~~~~
From the way Karasu came into class that morning, you could instantly tell that he was up late last night (researching his stupid ass disease). He wasn't in the best mood this morning; anyone could tell. His usual perfectly styled, wax hair, looked a bit off. His eyebags were equally horrid. Hell, even his tie was a bit wonky. It was rare to see Karasu this disheveled.
"Huh. You've been lookin' extra horrible lately, Karasu-kun. What? Have ya been staying up extra late studying? I guess ya couldn't help but fall behind 'cause of that cold a couple of days ago. Are ya still not completely over it yet?" You said as he slid into the seat next to you.
Karasu looked at you, twitching his right eye. "Oh shut up, (last name)-san. I guess yer just projecting onto me, since ya show up to school everyday looking like that." He looked you up and down.
You try to remain calm and composed, "Like what? I don't see how it could get worse than ya in your current state."
"Hmm... maybe you should get yer eyes checked. Didn't ya fail that one vision test first year?" Karasu clapped back.
You scoff, "No, I did not." That was a complete bluff.
"Don't lie to me, (last name)-san. I have pretty good memory."
"Pretty good memory? Or are ya obsessed with me? Who else remembers details like that about a person in their class from two years ago?" You sneer.
"I-" Karasu got cut off by the teacher coming into the class. As soon as the teacher stepped in, everyone rushed to hurry back to their desks and stop the conversation. Including you and Karasu. You smiled to yourself, knowing that you had gotten the last word in that argument. Karasu for sure noticed that smile- he himself looked really pissed.
During the entire lesson, Karasu had to keep himself from coughing every so often. He let out a few coughs here and there; but the risk of people finding out that he coughed petals from his lungs was enough motivation to make Karasu hold them in. It was hard to conventrate while doing this, but he had to persevere. Karasu didn't want his grades to fall after he's been maintaining them for so long. Plus, colleges would look at those grades. So of course he has to do good.
(Last name) probably has never had to work for anything in their lives. So how could they know just the type of effort I put into everythin' around here?
If anyone was mediocre, it would be them.
Everyone knew who you were.
(First name) (Last name).
You were infamous. Born to a good family, effortlessly smart and popular, apart of the debate team, and even on student council. Hell, even your father was on the school board. From the start, you've had everything you could've ever desired. People like you had everything handed to them on a silver platter, huh?
Karasu Tabito knew he couldn't compare.
Despite what it seemed, you were probably the most mediocre in his eyes. You were the type who life handed everything too. Sure, Karasu himself wasn't the most special, but at least he worked for what he got. Spoiled. That's what you were. And those people were the most mediocre in his eyes.
He looked at you during the middle of the lesson. Karasu's eyes darted to you sitting beside him. He was barely paying attention as the teacher droned on and on about Japanese history. All he was focused on was you. Karasu noticed everything; how you drew your y's, the shine of your hair against the sun, and even how you jotted down your notes (you had a habit of using bullet points and using every last bit of the page).
You were focused on writing notes about the project. Completely minding your own business, you could feel Karasu staring at you. Instead of shying away at his gaze, you slowly met his eyes. You smirk as he looks away. Tearing off a piece of paper, you scribbled down a quick sentence and tossed the paper to Karasu. He made sure nobody was looking and the teacher wasn't paying attention before opening the note.
'So you really are obsessed with me, huh? <3'
You even drew a stupid heart after the message.
You grinned as you saw Karasu's face heat up.
"Gosh, ya really are obsessed. You keep starin', pervert," You mumbled, loud enough only for him to hear.
Karasu's face heated up impossibly more. God be damned if he was obsessed with you of all people. Analyzing and observing others was typical for him. He concluded, from your personality, that it was probably projection from your part. Maybe you were obsessed with him. Not that he would mind too much.
"Now, it's time to announce the partners for the project. I will be assigning them," Your teacher said, much to the class' dismay.
Project? What project?
Shit, was he so spaced out that he didn't hear the teacher talking about the project? How could he let himself be so caught off guard. Nevermind; theres no time to waste now that he was aware that they had one. And partner's? Couldn't he just do this waste of time bullshit by himself? He didn't need someone else dragging him down, especially when Karasu could do this himself.
"As for the partner situation, you will be working with the person sitting next to you. Both people next to each other in rows one and two will be working together." Your teacher made a motion with their hands to show the partnerships. "You two will be working together, you two will work together...."
And when the teacher finally got to you and Karasu, she said the dreaded words.
"And finally, Karasu-kun and (last name)-san will be working together. I have high expectations for the work from you two."
The class groaned as they heard this.
One of the boys shouted from across the room, loud enough for the two of you to hear, "Tch- cmon! The two top students in the class working together? That's a little unfair, ya know!"
Other students both agreed at that. Suddenly, everyone was yelling while the teacher shushed everyone down.
But the only thing racing on both of your minds simultaneously was about the other person.
"He's so stuck up. Why'd we even get partnered up? All he's useful for is bein' a dick and a pain up my ass."
"They're so fucking stuck up. (last name)-san'll probably force me to complete it on my own while they do whatever their spoiled ass wants."
It's safe to say that this project will be one of the... harder assignments.
Class continued to go on until lunch; which was a much needed break from everything. You were still a bit tired from the earlier lesson; science and chemistry being particularly tiring.
As you got out your bento box to eat in class, you noticed Karasu. As much as you hated him, you felt a little bad for the poor guy. After all, you could tell he was sick the way he was coughing all the time.
You stood up from you chair and took a few steps toward his desk. He looked up at you with a hint of curiousity, "(last name-san)?"
Karasu still had that curious look on his face as you slid your phone to him. "Enter in your contact information," You bluntly stated.
"Why? Ya want my number that bad?"
Karasu feels a wave of satisfaction as he sees your eyebrow twitch ever so slightly, "Says the one staring at me practically the whole time while the teacher was explaining the project."
"Ya must've been imagining things. I'd never stare at yer ugly ass face for too long."
"I couldn'tve imagined it. You were staring so intensly, it felt like love." You shot back.
Karasu's chest tighten at your words. Love. The thing that was cauging all his problems right now. Just then, his cough had betrayed him, because at that exact moment, he could feel a coughed up carnation petal in his mouth. Before he could say anything back, he made the split second decision to run to the bathroom. People were definitely staring at him now.
Karasu finally made it in to the guys' bathroom, where he proceeded to go into a stall and lock himself in it. He let out a sigh he was subconsiously holding before he grabbed a wad of toilet paper. He raised it to his mouth before spitting out the bitter tasting flower petal. The red carnation petal lay in the bed of the soft and white toilet paper. The sight was disgusting to him. How could something that was seemingly so beautiful come out of his body like that?
Even though Karasu had been coughing up these petals for a few days, the reality had just started sinking in.
Karasu Tabito had been coughing up petals because he was in love with someone. He didn't even know who that special someone was. How pathetic of him.
The purple haired man quickly remembered how he left you hanging there. Get your contact information for the project first and have a crisis second. Making his way back there, Karasu felt a little judged. After all, he had just rushed to the bathroom like a loser. He didn't have diarrhea or anything like that; for fuck's sake!
Karasu made his way back into the classroom and to his desk, nonchalantly, which you were still standing by.
"Where'd ya run off to? I need yer contact info," You hand him your phone again.
"Oh. yeah." Karasu stated blankly.
"Why'd ya even run off? Did I say something weird? Maybe you are secretly in love and obsessed with me-"
Karasu interrupted your rambling, "Oh shut up." He slid your phone back to you; his contact added and saved. He didn't add anything fancy to his name; just Karasu.
"Oh, and (last name)-san. You keep bringin' up the idea of me bein' in love with you. Like yer ass didn't go up to me first just to ask for my phone number."
There was a bit of color and heat on your cheeks. Neither of you noticed.
"Well, ya have been staring at me all class like a pervert." Your eyes were gleaming.
Gosh, did you always look like this during the banter session with Karasu? The small details never his escaped his eyes, after all. You had a confident expression on your face; your tone of voice reflecting that as well.
"'M not a pervert, (last name)-san."
"Sure ya aren't, Karasu-kun. Just say you want me, at this point. I wouldn't be surprised, actually."
Those words hit deep inside of him. He wasn't sure why, though.
Karasu clicked his tongue, "Tsk. Even if I was in love with your sorry ass, I'd never admit it."
"You sound like a tsundere-" You snicker.
"A-a tsundere?! How the fuck am I-"
You smile that sweet smile of yours. The one you pull out when asking for extensions on assignments and during debates where you're about to crush your opponent. "Anyways, what days are you available? And where would you like to work?"
Karasu pauses, "Hm.... I'm free any day, as long as it's after practice."
"Oh right. You play soccer. So basically... let's meet after both of our club activities are done?" You asked.
He nods, "Sure, that sounds good."
"Alright. Is the library okay or...?"
Karasu responds a bit too eagerly, "Yeah! The library's good."
"Alright. Ya wanna get started today? We can probably make the outline and plan it today."
"Sounds good to me."
You turn on your heels. But before stepping away, you say a few words.
"I'm going to the rooftop to eat my lunch." You stop for a bit, debating whether to say the last part, "Oh- and, don't drag me down, Karasu-kun." Your voice sounded harsh as you said that.
Karasu could do nothing but smirk at the back of your uniform shirt, "I should be saying that to you. But trust me, I won't."
"Good."
After saying that, you walked toward the door, exiting the classroom with your lunchbox in hand and a strut in your step.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The two of you met in the library after club activities were finished. You had just gotten out of a student council meeting whereas Karasu had finished soccer practice. You entered the quiet space and sat down, pulling out the things you would need for the project. Your notebook, textbook, and pencils were all here. Perfect. As you finished taking out your things, Karasu slid into the seat in front of you.
You jumped hearing him speak; not noticing his presence, "(last name)-san."
"Karasu-kun." You acknowledge his presence.
"Why'd ya jump as soon as I speak? Am I really that scary?"
You shook your head. "Just didn't notice ya sat down. That's all."
"Right. If you say so." Karasu stated skeptically.
"I do say so. I'm always right, after all."
"Yeah, yeah. Let's get on with it, shall we?" Karasu glanced at your face as he finished taking out his things.
"Alright." You look to the side before continuing, "Just so ya know, I still find you insufferable. Just 'cause we're partnered up for this doesn't mean we're suddenly friends. I just wanna get my work done and get an A. I can assume the same, right?"
"Oh? But I thought we were friends before, huh? Ya always seem to talk to me in class..." He sees your face redden and changes the subject. Karasu is feeling nice today. "But fine. That's pretty reasonable, if you ask me."
"Alright. Anyways, what historical event should we do for the presentation? I wanna pick something easy to research, ya know?" You prop open your laptop.
"Hm? What about... "
The two of you get to talking. After much debate between the two of you (seriously; karasu should just be on the debate team already. Hell, he could even be captain if he tried hard enough. Though you'd never admit that even if you were on your deathbed), you guys chose the Meiji restoration period. It was something that you both were interested in and could find common ground on. Plus, there were plenty of articles and other resources on the topic. Researching would be a breeze.
"So, according to the notes I took during class because I was paying attention, we have'ta research our topic in depth, make a slideshow, and tell the class how it affected modern Japan. What portion of the work would ya like to do?" You offered, trying to be polite.
Karasu lay his chin on his palm, "Hm... How about I do the research, you do the slides, and we both present it together."
"Sounds good by me. Let's get started on some research today. I think we should start off with a summary on the whole event, include some interesting facts, and get into the whole 'how it affected Japan' thing later. Sound good?" You propose.
"Perfect. Just what I was thinkin'. Maybe we really are in sync." You side eye Karasu as he says that.
"Sure... let's get started then. Would ya like help on the research just for today?"
"What? Think I'm not capable of that on my own?" Karasu accuses.
"Yes. It would be less efficient anyways," You reason. "You don't have to make everything so personal, by the way."
Karasu argues back, "Says you."
"Tch. What does that even mean? Fine then, be like that. For the research, I'll start with...."
The argument quickly fades down as the two of you get started on your research. The only sound from you both was the soft clicks of your keyboard, typing and seaching various things away. You're scouring the internet for as much information as possible. While you're writing down notes, you can sense the atmosphere around the table. For some odd reason, the environment around you and Karasu felt natural. It didn't feel awkward and forced, like in many other group settings Karasu had been in. Both of you were concentrated; locked in, diving deep into this. Even if the two of you didn't get along that much, the one thing you guys both wanted out of this project was an outstanding grade.
At the end of the library visit, both of you figured out what to do the next day. You would start on the slides while Karasu continued researching. It sounded like a great plan to you. If you had to confess something that you liked about Karasu, it's that he was actually smart and knew how to pull his weight; especially in group settings like this. Beats having to carry the entire group project.
Before Karasu knew it, the library was about to close and the sun was about to set. You just had one more question to ask.
"Hey. Are we gonna meet anywhere for the project tomorrow? I think most of the libraries tomorrow are gonna be closed..."
Karasu's eyes widened, "Oh- yeah- right. Do ya... wanna come over to my place?" Karasu braced himself for an instant rejection from you; maybe even you calling him a pervert again. God, that moment in class really stuck with him.
"Hm. sure." You respond casually.
"Alright... sounds good. I'll text ya the details when I get home."
You slowly stood up while talking to him, "Hm. Okay. I'll be leaving now, Karasu-kun. Text me when you get ho-"
On impulse, Karasu grabs your wrist. You freeze. You're both staring at each other, faces red. Once Karasu is snapped back to reality, he instantly lets go. After all, he was a gentleman. He was raised well, for fuck's sake.
"My- my bad." Karasu stutters pathetically. There's no way he could redeem himself after this.
"U-uh you're fine."
"I just-god- let me walk ya home," Karasu offers.
You reply blanky, "I live the other way."
"Ya take the train?"
You confirm the statement, "I do take the train, yes."
"Then let me walk ya to the station then," Karasu offers.
"It's fine, really." Why is Karasu insisting walking you to the station. You're more than capable and are confident nobody would mess with you.
"I insist." I couldn't let somethin' bad happen to my project partner, after all.
"If ya say so... I won't stop you. But isn't your house around here anyways? Why're you goin' so out of the way just to bring me to the station?"
"Simple. I can't have my project partner go back home, at night, and alone. Can't have ya dying before we finish this together. I need ya to pull your weight."
"You should be saying that to someone else. You're actin' like I get all F's and don't do shit during class."
"You're right."
You and Karasu both stand up at the same time.
"Let's go."
"Alright, dear."
"Yer really pushing it right now, Karasu-kun," You say, a little irritated. It's clear that Karasu is trying to rile you up.
Karasu replies, "Oh- sorry. I'll stop."
"Didn't say ya had to stop, now did I?" You mumble. Maybe you were enjoying this a bit too much.
Karasu smiles, "Huh. Now what's that supposed to mean, (Last name)-san?"
"Nothing."
You two walk along the sidewalk, you by the bushes and Karasu by the road. It's silent between you guys; the only sound around being the whirr of cars passing by. After a few minutes, you both turn the corner to where the train station is.
You stop in your tracks. Karasu does the same. You sigh before speaking up, "I... thanks for walking me over here, Karasu-kun," You say quietly. "Ya really didn't have to do that."
"Hm? What's that? Couldn't hear ya over these loud ass cars." Karasu teases you.
You were annoyed that he was teasing you like this. Even so, you still had to thank him. You weren't that spoiled. You click your tongue, "I said thanks for walking me over here, jackass."
"Ahhh... okay. Well then, yer welcome. I'd do it any day," Karasu sounds earnest when he says that.
The two of you both go silent once again, looking at the other person. The air right now... It feels different than before. The typical sparks and rivalry between you two vanished for a moment. What was left was... warmth. You knew it wasn't just in your head. Karasu could feel it too. Upon realizing this, you promptly turned away; back facing Karasu.
"I... I have to go catch my train. My dad'll kill me if I'm late. Bye..." You trail off.
You're so glad Karasu couldn't see the warmth on your face right now. You couldn't believe that you had almost slipped up and said his given name. God- that would've been so embarrassing if you'd done that!
"Bye, (Last name)-san. Be careful on the way home!"
"I... I will."
You slowly walked down into the subway and towards your platform.
He's your rival, for fuck's sake.
So why...?
No. You brush the thought away. That's simply impossible. You? Having feelings for that mediocre Karasu? The same one who'd been the bane of you existence since middle school? It's not like he could ever like you anyways.
You chuckle out loud, getting a few stares from other people on the train.
Meanwhile, Karasu still stood back at the place where you two seperated. Snapping out of his temporary daze, he rounded the street corner, on his way back to the house. By the time you got home, Karasu had already showered and was laying in bed. To be honest, his thoughts weren't that much better than yours.
You ended up being right, he had noticed the slight changes in your guys' dynamic.
They're a stuck up, spoiled brat.
So why? why was his heart beating?
Just then, he coughed up another petal. Right on time, huh?
The red carnation stared back up at Karasu. He laughed; which was probably the only thing he could do in that situation.
Karasu needed more answers. He once again propped open his laptop and picked up where he left off. It felt like he got sucked into the hanahaki rabbit hole again. He needed answers. The cough would probably start getting worse day by day. Could anything even be done by it?
It took him hours, but Karasu finally found an archived reddit thread. It was basically a gold mine for his research and answers. He learned a few things, reading the thread and viewing the various links to different studies and sources.
Karasu had gathered four main takeaways from the readings.
Hanahaki is the physical reaction to love that isn't confessed. When this happens, you start coughing flower petals.
The flowers were growing in his lungs. (Karasu definitely jumped when he read this. Flowers; roots and everything, in his lungs?)
The more time passes, the worse the disease would get. Eventually, the disease could (and probably would) kill him.
The only way to cure it would be to confess his feelings.
It slowly sunk in. According to his findings, at this rate, Karasu only had a month left to live.
Confess his feelings, huh? It didn't sound bad on paper.
But Karasu was a coward.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Everyday, for the past two weeks, you guys have been meeting at Karasu's house after school. You two had gotten so loud while 'debating' that the libararians had asked you guys to leave. It was so humiliating that you swore to never show your face around there. How could you live this down? Usually, you'd never act like that in a public space. It was Karasu's fault for egging you on! He should've gotten kicked out instead. Alas, that wasn't a good enough explanation for the librarion. So, after that incident, you had just settled to heading to his house after club activities. It honestly... wasn't horrible.
You had gotten used to his presence.
Was he always this fun to talk to?
Karasu was the only one who could keep up with your arguments. You two had still bickered, still fought, but there was something else under all of it. Sometimes, you and him would even walk to the konbini down the road to get a snack.
However, you had noticed something else. Two things, actually.
First; Karasu would always start coughing more around you.
You would watch him talk to his friends across the classroom, barely coughing. But as soon as he sat down at his seat next to you, he'd start coughing. Even when you guys were working on the project in his room, he was coughing. And you were sure that it was you. It didn't have anything to do with the environment. And you didn't even own any pets that he could be allergic to.
Second; he had an unusual amount of red petals in his trash.
You noticed this the second day you were at his house.
You needed to throw a piece of scratch paper away, and in his trash were probably a dozen red petals. Where did he even get those? There wasn't any trace of flowers in his room or in his house, so why did he have so many petals in his trash? It wasn't a huge deal, but it was definitely something out of the ordinary.
Which brings you to right now; the present.
You and Karasu had spent nearly everyday of the past two weeks together, at his house. You didn't know why you couldn't go back to the library, even if it was open. But you didn't question it or his choices. At least you two had the freedom to talk in a normal voice. Plus, he hasn't been acting like a total douchebag lately, nor been weird to you.
You're sitting on his bed, Karasu at his desk, finishing up the last of the slides. You knew it was your job, but Karasu had practically insisted on doing the very last slide, for some reason.
"And.... it's done!" Karasu exclaimed, stretching his arms into the air.
A weight was lifted off your chest as he said this. It was nice, being able to let go of this tedious project.
"Oh thank god. I'm so done with that."
"For real," Karasu agreed. "We have our slides completed and our lines memorized. Tomorrow should be a breeze."
"Mhm... should we... should we end it for today?"
"Uh maybe we should-" Karasu started coughing.
"Are you okay?" You show genuine concern for him. He better not be absent tomorrow.
Karasu stutters slightly, "I-I'm good."
"Will ya be able to present tomorrow? We might have to go first too..."
"I can present. I'm fine."
"Ya sure? Karasu-kun, you've been coughing for so long now. I really think you should see a doctor at this rate. What if it's somethin' serious?" You show genuine concern.
"I'm okay, I swear," Karasu insists.
You begrudgingly let him slide, "Fine. Even if you're coughing during the presentation, I still want ya to try your best. We worked hard on this, after all."
"Yer right, (Last name)-san."
"I know." You pause a bit before continuing, "Do you even know what you have? Why've you been coughing so much anyways? Have you been taking medicine?"
"Yes, yes, and no. Ya sound like a worried parent right now, you know that?" He points out
Your face flushes a bit, "I'm aware. Just concerned about you."
"Oh? So yer concerned?" Karasy smiles teasingly.
"Yes- Hey! Stop changing the subject."
"Whaddya want me to elaborate on first, hm?"
"Why've you ben coughing so much? This might be a serious thing."
Karasu froze.
"It's just a cough."
"Just a cough my ass. Whatever it is, you needa get it checked out. What if it's oral chlamidiya?"
"FUCK YA MEAN ORAL CHAMIDIYA?!?!"
You start laughing, "I'm joking. My bad, my bad. But you should seriously get checked by a doctor for this."
"I know what I have already."
"And? It's clear you're not doin' anything to treat it. Ya even said you weren't taking medicine. You gotta treat it before it gets worse."
"That's the problem. I don't know how to treat it."
"God. If ya know what it is, why not treat it? It's only gonna get worse if you ignore it, y'know. It's not some super rare disease or anything, right?"
"I do know. And it's not like that." It sort of was, but Karasu couldn't have that information get out there.
You insist, "So do something about it."
"Ya seriously sound like a nagging parent right now." Karasu deflected.
"Ya told me. And stop ignoring it. You're deflecting right now, Karasu-kun. I'm simply worried for your well being. What if ya like- faint durin' the presentation because you were too sick?"
So it about the presentation, Karasu thought. He spoke up again, "I'll be fine. It isn't that bad right now. And I'm workin' on fixing it."
"If you say so."
The room went silent.
You stand up, "I'll... I'll be going now. Practice your lines tonight, Karasu-kun."
"I will. Dont worry yer pretty little head about me." He winks.
You sigh, "Oh shut up. I'm just glad we don't have to work together anymore." You felt sick to your stomach as you said those words.
Truth me told, it was the opposite. You wanted to keep coming over, to keep talking to him. But Karasu was probably fed up with you by now. You were lying to everyone. Including yourself.
Karasu coughs but then smiles back in response, "Same here, (Last name)-san."
"Glad it's reciprocated," It hurts to say that. After spending so much time wanting to get away from Karasu, finding yourself crave his company is unusual.
"Bye." You mumble, stepping out of his room.
Before you could get too far, Karasu exclaims, "Wait-! Let me walk ya to the station again."
"Walking me to the station again, huh?" You tease.
"I can't have my project partner dyin' on me. No matter how annoyin' they are," He states.
"So ya really are obsessed with me." You chuckle.
Karasu's tone suddenly turns serious, "What if I am?"
"Excuse me?" Your heart is beating.
"Kidding... Jeez- did ya really take that so seriously?" Karasu is teasing you now.
"No. I was just- caught off guard, is all." You stammer out a reply.
"Sure. Cmon."
The two of you walk out of his house. You both cross the road and take a few turns. You're out of the neighborhood and walking on the street when you spot the train station. You're getting a sense of deja vu. It feels similar to something that happened a few weeks ago.
Truth be told, you were a bit dissapointed to part ways with Karasu. "See you tomorrow for the presentation." You sound a bit down.
Karasu notices this he always does, but doesn't comment. "See ya too..." He sounds similar.
You reluctantly take a few steps forward. Simultaneously, Karasu turns around, toward the direction of his house. He walks the streets, lights illuminating the darkness of the night sky. It's silent. But it wasn't the silence that came over the two of you on the way to the station. Karasu liked the silence between you both much more than whatever this was.
~~~~~~~~~~~
You were expecting the teacher to pick you and Karasu to present first. After all, the class needed an example to look up to. And being two of the best students in class, you guys were the prime choices. So it didn't surprise you when your name and his were called up first. You and Karasu stood up at the same time; practically in sync.
Once you're in front of the class, you put on your 'presentation' voice and start speaking, "Hello. This is me and Karasu-kun's presentation on the Meiji restoration period."
You look at Karasu. It was his turn to speak. He coughed really quickly beforehand (why is he not taking any medicine?!), but took the hint and started introducing the topic. You two both practiced well for this presentation. Besides a few slip ups and Karasu coughing, it was flawless. Everyone understood what was happening, you both were confident, and the point made itself clear. As you both ended it and sat down, the teacher gave you a round of applause.
"Great work, (Last name)-san and Karasu-kun. Exactly what I expected."
As the next people were called up to present, your head wasn't exactly invested in their presentations. Your thoughts kept wandering to Karasu (who was right next to you) against your will. You would never admit it out loud, but you felt... weird... about this whole project thing ending. You weren't content on just sitting next to him and only talking to brag your achievments in his handsome mediocre face. You wanted to engage in discussions with him, you wanted to talk to him, hell- you just wanted to be in his presence more.
But your stupid pride wouldn't let you do that.
Years of hating Karasu Tabito undone in just two weeks.
The you from last semester, who audibly groaned upon finding out they sat next to Karasu would be disappointed.
You stole a glance at him. He coughed as soon as you did that.
Why is he coughing around me so much anyways? Is it something I did? Is it my fault? Is Karasu-kun like... deadass allergic to me?
Whatever you were doing, it was bad. Maybe you'll talk to him about this later. Brushing off your thoughts about him, you start paying closer attention to your classmate's speaking in front of the class like a good student would do.
The presentation ended with what you thought was a solid ending. You didn't really know, since you were tuned out half of the time. Just then, everyone got dismissed for lunch. You decided to eat lunch in the classroom today, to talk to karasu for no particular reason. You take out your bento box from your schoolbag and sneak a look at him.
To your surprise, he's already looking at you.
You can only say the things you know how to, "What is it, Karasu-kun? Yer lookin' at me like a pervert." Your voice sounds cocky- smug- even confident. Those traits were the exact things you weren't right now. You couldn't let anyone see past that- much less karasu, past the barriers you've put up. But Karasu was perceptive, on and off the field.
He coughs again, "And you sound like yer flustered. The oh so famous and golden student (Last name) (First name) getting flustered by being looked at?"
"Where'd ya get that from?" You challenge him.
Karasu thinks for a bit before replying, "For starters, yer facial expressions give it away. Those always give you away and I can practically read you like a book cuz of them. Ya also always clasp your hands together like that too when youre nervous." You immediately unclasp your hands when you hear that.
"I do not."
"You were just doing it, (Last name)"
You notice the lack of an honorific at the end of it, but don't comment on it.
You spit back, "Besides, I think yer gettin' a little nervous around me too. Why're you always coughin' around me specifically?"
Karasu lies, "I dunno. Maybe yer so annoyin' that I'm startin' to develop an allergy to your annoying ass."
"Okay- seriously, are you okay?" You show some concern for him.
Karasu quickly recovers, "Y-yeah. I'm good."
"Like I said last night, I seriously recommend getting that checked out sometime."
Karasu rolls his eyes, "Jeez- stop nagging at me. And I'll fix it sometime soon."
That won't be happening anytime soon. He knows it for sure. Confess and keep living without you or die drowning in these feelings. It should be a no brainer; but Karasu begs to differ. Underneath that golden child exterior, you really were trouble for him, huh?
"Alright," Your concern for him was clearly showing. You swallow before continuing on, throwing away your worthless pride. "I- uhm- if you need anything, I'm here."
Karasu felt warmth at hearing that sentence. Hearing that come out of your mouth gave him a little hope. "Oh. Thanks, (Last name)-san."
He remembered to add the '-san' this time, you note.
Karasu starts coughing again.
"Go to the nurse." You state bluntly.
Karasu continues coughing. He can feel the petals in his mouth. He doesn't want to open his mouth; all he can do is keep it shut. You look up as Karasu rushes away and towards the direction of the boy's bathroominstead of the nurse. He's so stubborn. In that situation, who wouldn't go ask for help?
You're sitting there in your seat while Karasu is in the bathroom.
He rushes into a stall and spits the flower petals into the toilet.
Day by day, more and more petals have been coming from his body. To say he wasn't horrified would be a huge lie. He coughed out three petals this time; a new record. And it was only going to get worse. If Karasu couldn't sort his shit out soon, he'd be dead before the next tournament. That sunk in really quick. If Karasu didn't do anything and stayed quiet, he'd die. He's freshly 18, for fuck's sake! He's got shit to do; it's not like he's an old man.
He was the type that had a solution to everything. So why? Why, when his life and feelings were involved, did he come up blank? Maybe... if he left it alone, the flowers would stop growing. Right? Right? At the same time, the thought of never speaking to you again was terrifying. Even though this had been a new development, the fact that you understood and kept up with him is what kept Karasu on his toes. And even if Karasu did confess, then what? Even if he did that, you'd never speak to him again. You'd hate him. When he thought about it, a fate like that was similar to dying.
Knowing this, which poison would he pick?
At the thought of that, his cough fit returned. It was even worse than when he came in. This time, he could even taste the blood. The purple haired man kneeled down and spit the blood into the toilet seat; the red droplets spreading out and mixing with the toilet water. He didn't know he could cough up blood with hanahaki. God- this is freaky. After a few minutes, Karasu could feel the coughing fit come to an end. The coughing from inside the stall calmed down. Karasu took in a deep breath. Despite it stopping, his throat felt sore and his mouth still tasted bloody. Could he even make it the whoe day?
Karasu emerged out of the stall and headed towards the sink. He looked himself in the mirror.
His hair was messy and if he opened his mouth, it was slightly bloody. He looked horrible.
Karasu scooped up some water from the tap and rinsed his mouth. As he spit out the water, he could see it at the bottom of the sink. It was hard not to notice; the bright red coloring standing out. Karasu finally composed himself and went back into the classroom, where he spotted you waiting.
"Karasu-kun. You don't seem okay." You're blunt with him, as usual.
He smiles, brushing it off, "I'm good."
"No, you're not. Ya know, you should really stay home if yer sick. What if someone else catches the illness." You point out.
"Well, it's not like anyone could catch it." Karasu mumbles.
"Huh?" You ask, confused, "What do you mean by that-"
Karasu deflects, as usual, "-it's nothing. I just-
"Fine. If you're gonna be so stubborn, I won't pry." You state.
Karasu raises his eyebrows, "Are ya really that worried about me?"
"I just don't want to catch whatever you have," You say, matter of factly.
"Fair enough."
It goes silent between the two of you. You're taking bites out of your lunch while Karasu is studying.
"Are ya not gonna eat? Don't you have practice today? You should eat."
"Since when did ya know I had practice today?" Karasu questions you.
"I asked the coach-" You cover your mouth, embarased about the slip up.
"Oh? So ya asked the coach if we had practice today just to know my schedule?"
You defend yourself, "I was merely curious- that's all. It was for the project"
"Uhhuh... I should probably go get lunch or somethin'. Yer right."
"Thanks."
Karasu shrugs, "Yeah, yeah. Can't afford to skip any more days."
"Oh right- you were sick. Ya still are." You say, driving in the point.
Karasu rolls his eyes, "Don't need to tell me what I already know."
"Can you still go to practice with that cough?" Your concern is showing.
"Whaddya think I've been doing for the past few weeks, huh?" Karasu says, deadpan.
Just then, Karasu coughs, right on cue. You hear him mumble before going to the front of the class to get a tissue. He raises it to his mouth and throws it into the trash. Karasu goes back to his seat casually.
"Seriously, what's wrong with ya?"
"I don't gotta answer that," Karasu refuses to answer any more questions from you. He takes out his own lunch box; grabbing his utensils and taking a bite from the rice. Karasu finishes his lunch right before class starts up again.
Your thoughts keep wandering to the snarky, sharptongued, purple haired boy next to you. Your mind does that a lot these days. Why's he refusing to answer your questions? It's just a sickness, right? Judging by his reactions, he's for sure hiding things from you. You don't want to admit it, you can't admit it, but maybe you actually care for Karasu's wellbeing. Anyways, what's so bad about whatever he's hiding from you. What if he had cancer?!?! No wait- cancer doesn't make you cough, right? And if he did, he probably wouldn't be at school nor playing soccer like normal.
What is he hiding?
After a grueling 4 hours of class, everyone exits the classroom. You're the last one to leave. Convenient that you had cleaning duty today. After erasing the chalkboard and wiping the tables down, you take out the trash. Before doing that though, you need to check something. Carefully, you push some random papers aside until you spot a red, bloody napkin. And inside that napkin, was a few bloody red carnation petals. The same ones you would always spot in his trashcan.
Interesting.
So what are you hiding, Karasu Tabito?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Karasu's cough only gets worse on the weekend. The days when he's supposed to be relaxing, or practicing are spent at his bed side, coughing. At this point, his parents have taken notice and forced him to stay home for the rest of the day to 'recover'.
Karasu looked down into his trash bin. In his trash were dozens of bloody tissues and those damn flower petals. He swore those flowers would haunt him until the day he died. And honestly? If he doesn't get his shit together, that day might be closer than he thinks. Choking on flowers petals- suffocating- That sounds a bit too real right now. Karasu concludes that moping in bed is making everything worse right now. The purple haired man stands up, changes, and heads downstairs.
It'll be fine if he goes to the konbini, right? Plus, he needs a few things anyways.
Karas didn't even bother styling his hair before slipping his shoes on and going outside. He rounds the corner and sees the all too familiar neon blue LAWSON sign. Karasu steps inside, hoodie up. He might look a little suspicious right now, but who cares? He just needs some cough drops and food right now. Who'd be bothered to cook in this situation? Not him.
Karasu wandered the aisles for a bit before finding the exact brand of cough drops he wanted. He then walked to the ready-made good and picked up a rice bowl. Just what he needed right now.
He was in a hurry, so he just told the cashier he'll warm it up at home. Nobody needs to see Karasu in his pathetic state right now. As he exits the store, his eyes land on a familiar person entering.
Speak of the devil. Of course you had to run into him while he was looking and feeling extra shitty today. You didn't notice him, which was good. He could get away with not talking to you-
Until he coughed,
Just then, you looked back.
Your eyes widen as you see Karasu, "Karasu-kun! What're ya doing here?!?!"
Of couse, you were fully dressed up in your favorite outfit looking presentable while he looked like a sewer rat.
Karasu coughs and spits out a response, "Getting cough drops."
"Right. Ya know, if you really wanna get better, you'd be smart enough to go to a doctor and figure out the root cause of the problem. Or at least take some actual medicine. Jeez. Plus, ya look hella shitty right now. Seriously- I've never seen you without your hair styled."
"Tch. you don't have'ta point it out. But I know! I'm tryin'- but you don't get it!" Karasu snaps at you.
You look a bit hurt, "Yer always sayin' you know, but you never do anything. So fine then. Tell me, Karasu! Make me understand. I can't help ya if yer refusing to give me information." You snap back.
If there was one thing that you hated most in the world, it was people refusing to communicate to you. As you said that, Karasu instantly grabbed you by your wrists and dragged you to the alleyway next to the shop.
"H-hey! What was that for?!?!?!" You yell at him.
"Fine- since you've been pesterin' me about it-"
"I'm just worried!" You yell at him. I can't believe that I let it slip!
"Since yer so worried 'bout me, for whatever reason-" You stare into his eyes as he pauses. Karasu's voice grows quiet, "Do... do ya know what hanahaki is?"
You raise your eyebrows, "No, I don't."
"Fuck- it's embarrasing sayin' it out loud. I haven't told anyone 'bout this yet."
You fight off the urge to make fun of him trying to remain serious. "Not even your parents?" You ask.
"No. Not even them. They just think it's some fever and a cough."
"Oh. Alright... sorry for interrupting you. Go on."
Karasu inhales deeply before continuing with his explanation, "It's this thing where... when yer in love with somone..."
In love?
"And your feelings get so deep that it manifests into flowers. Growing in yer lungs. And it causes you to cough up petals."
That explains it. Everything starting clicking in your head, "So that's why ya had a shit ton of petals in yer bedroom trash. Got it. How do you even get rid of it?"
"The only way to cure it is to confess yer feelings."
"So what if ya... never confess your feelings?" You ask.
"You choke on the petals and die." Karasu says bluntly.
Your eyes widen, "H-hold up?!?! Ya die?!?!"
Karasu chuckles, "Yeah, you can die."
"S-so hold up. If ya don't confess, yer dead?!?!" You exclaim.
"Lower your voice." Karasu says.
"So why haven't ya confessed yet?" You question.
"It's complicated."
"Define complicated. I have all day to listen."
Karasu freezes, then coughs again, "It's not that simple, (Last name)-san."
"Like I said, I got all day," You look at him, expectantly.
Karasu sighs, "I... I don't wanna confess."
"It's either confess or die. That's a simple decision."
"But at this point- dying is equal to losing them," He admits to you. And to himself.
Would it be a little too selfish for me to hope the person he likes is me? You think to yourself.
"So yer bein' a chicken, huh?" The words make it out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. It's habit from the debate club.
Karasu angrily replies, "Who said anythin' bout being a chicken, huh?"
"So you'd rather die than confess to your silly crush?!" You snap at him.
For a hint of a second, Karasu could the emotions in your eyes. Jealousy, anger, worry, resentment; they were all there. They made you so easy to read.
"I- I-" He stammers
"Yer throwing your life away for what? Ya have a promising future n everthing too!" You continue to scold him, "You're bein' a coward right now! If confessing is the only thing you need to do to literally survive, then do it!"
Karasu tries reasoning with you, "Ya don't get it, (Last name)! You really don't-"
You interrupt him harasly, "Then why won't you do it besides for the fact that you're a coward?"
Gosh, you really can't be talking about being a coward right now. After all, you were the one denying everything in their mind.
"I just said it! Because I don't wanna lose them! Even if I die." Karasu coughs, the metalic taste of blood flooding his mouth.
"..."
"Of course yer silent. You don't understand how I feel. You could never." Karasu can barely get that out of him.
To you, his words were like poison.
"What could a spoiled brat like you, who never had to work for anything, understand about my situation right now?!" Karasu snapped.
Your eyes widen. You were well aware some people thought of you like that; hell, you were sure Karasu had a similar opinion of you. But to use it in a fight like this?
"I'm not a spoiled brat. And I understand a lot of things, thank you very much." You clap back. "Fine. Be stubborn like that, Karasu. If you don't wanna accept help from anyone, I won't offer."
You tried- you really did.
"I just think it's stupid that you care so much 'bout not losing another person that you'd die over it. Do ya even know what that means?!" Your emotions are getting the best of you. Sensing that, you shut it down immediately, calming yourself down. How pathetic. In your years of life, you never thought you could care about someone this much; even if you two are fighting.
His voice sounds cold, "I dont need your pity, (Last name)."
"Oh for fuck's sake! It isn't pity-" Your concern for Karasu is showing through.
"Sure sounds like it." He says, full of attitude.
Your eyebrow twitches, "Be like that. Be stubborn. God forbid I try and help you out."
"I can figure my shit out on my own, (Last name)," Karasu snarkily replies.
"Doesn't seem like it. Fine then, be stubborn." At that, you turn away, not saying anything else.
You go into the konbini, which was your original goal in the first place. You roam around for a bit, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. Karasu-kun. In love with someone? Would it be selfish to hope that it was you? You brush that thought away from your head. Karasu only likes extraordinary people. And clearly, he thought you weren't one of them. 'Spoiled' and 'never had to work for anything'. He wasn't wrong. You did get whatever you wanted, when you wanted it.
Okay, so maybe you didn't really understand.
You face the bright shelves, various chip brands staring at you. You instantly grab your favorite brand of chips, an onigiri, and some candy. You needed it. To any passerby, your face is one of anger and worry. You're worried. Why won't he just confess? Why can't Karasu get it over with; for his sake and yours. At this point, you aren't sure if you could handle the idea of seeing him with anyone else. Just thinking about it makes your stomach drop. You want him to confess; then maybe, just maybe, you won't feel like this anymore. Whoever he likes, they could make Karasu happier that I could.
All you've been doing from day one was bothering him. Acting like a stuck up bitch. So no wonder he's in love with someone else. It was so hard for you to express your emotions that you ended up pushing him away.
Karasu Tabito; the one person who you found extraordinary only thought of you as a nuisance.
As you checked out, the cashier noticed your tears. The person scanning your items was quite young, but not as young as you. Maybe a college student?
They had a look of concern on their face, "Are you good?"
You wipe your tears on your sleeve, "Y-yeah." Gosh; crying in front of a convenience store employee was a new low. What would people think? Your reputation would be in shreds.
"I- uhm- I wish ya luck with yer... boyfriend?" The cashier awkwardly comforts.
You sniffle a bit, "T-thanks."
As you walk out, you realize that the cashier said boyfriend. At this moment, they couldn't be further from the truth.
Pushing the only person who could've truly understood you was so, so stupid. You just wanted to see Karasu, no matter the situation. You didn't care if everything returned to the way it was before the project. Being around him was good enough.
You look around outside; Karasu is no where to be found. He's probably home by now. Even though you were mad, annoyed, and angry, there was something else.
Worry.
Karasu basically told you he was gonna die. All because of his stupid feelings. What were you supposed to do with this information? Let him die? As angry as you were, you cared for him. Dying because of love? That sounded like a poetic way to go. But it was still stupid. This whole thing was easily fixable, so why not? It was his life, for fuck's sake.
Watching this unravel was like watching a car crash happen in slow motion. No matter how much you try and help, if Karasu can't accept that, he'd be dead in a few weeks time.
In this scenario, you're like a stoplight while Karasu is the drunk driver. And no matter how much you wanted him to, he wouldn't listen. He couldn't stop and wait and think.
You wandered the streets until you made it back to the train station. This time, you were alone. No Karasu to walk you there. No one to greet or to say goodbye to. You were stuck in this daze for what felt like hours, standing still and holding the LAWSON plastic bag. You watched people come and go, families talk, couples hold hands. Guess which one hurt the most?
While you were in that daze at the train station, Karasu was still at home. Even more of those blood red petals filled his trash can. The sound of his coughs overtook noises of that random football game he put on. Karasu's throat was on fire at this point. You were right. He needed to put this behind him. He was throwing away his life, and for what? It was you. You'd understand. So even, knowing this, why couldn't he find the courage to go and tell you his feelings. This should've been a no brainer; his life was on the line, after all. Everyone and everything made love look so easy. People talked about loving someone else as if it were the equivalent to breathing.
But to you and Karasu; it was more akin to drowning. Both of you too far gone underwater and in your feelings. Two prideful people; both too deep underwater do to anything. Too afraid to call out and be saved.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The following Monday, as you arrived on campus, Karasu was no where to be found. Over the weekend, you had made the decision to talk to him and sort out your feelings. You'd been bracing yourself for the fall that was the heartbreak. The heartbreak and realization that he had these feelings for someone else.
After all, nobody got what they truly wanted in the end, huh?
You'd been so wrong to think that you had everything you wanted, because you didn't. And one of the only things you had wanted in your life was about to get away from you. This was the way things always went. Somethinga gained, something lost. The truth was that nothing could be done about it. No matter how hard you may try, Karasu is going to be the one to get away. You don't know how to handle that.
Knowing that a classmate; dare you say a friend of yours could die was a terrifying thought.
You averted your gaze from Karasu's chair and to the rest of your classmates. It's crazy to think that they don't know what's happening to Karasu. They're living in ignorance. They didn't know that Karasu was dying. All you could think about was him. You nearly fumbled when answering the teacher's questions because you were so zoned out. While you were stuck in that miserable classroom, your thoughts were filled with Karasu and only him. Was he even thinking of you at home while you were thinking of him right now, at school?
The answer to your question was yes, even if you didn't know it. Karasu was thinking about you.
As much as he wanted to go to school today, his mother had forced him to stay home. There wasn't much he could do besides think about you, to be honest. He's mellowed out since that argument by the konbini. Karasu misses you was too much for his liking.
After all, he loved you. Throughout this whole... hanahaki thing, he's slowly accepted it.
He does like being around you. Karasu likes arguing and teasing you before and after school. He wouldn't trade it for the world. He couldn't just up and confess right after the argument. He'd called you spoiled and some other harsh things. You hated him before and you hate him even more now.
Maybe it was for the better that the project ended when it did. As much as Karasu wants to face you, he physically can't. With the flowers he's been coughing up, it's no use going to school. He'll just tell his mom that he's sick. Coach would probably kick him off, but what does it matter? Even if Karasu was captain, he was mediocre at best compared to those natural talents.
The next two day passed by in a blur. All Karasu did was cough, overthink, and worry. At one point, he had to go to the bathroom and throw up all those petals. He almost threw up again just by looking at the bloody vomit mixed in with the carnation petals.
Yeah, it wasn't looking too good for him.
Even when he was laying down, the purple haried man still had some shortness of breath. There was no way he could go to school or to practice in this state. His parents were at work, his sister was at college, so there was no one he could rely on. He felt pathetic.
That was, until he heard the doorbell ring on Wednesday.
Karasu finally mustered the strength to go down there and answer the door. Maybe it was the food he ordered? Karasu turned the doorknob and cracked open the door slightly. To his surprise, the person outside was you. Not the delivery man. Not his sister. Hell; not even that one annoying ass neighborhood kid. Karasu just closed the door in your face. He couldn't handle you seeing him in this state. All that effort, trying to maintain a perfect image would come crashing down the moment you saw him. Karasu was sure of it.
"Karasu Tabito." you say sternly. He freezes upon hearing his full legal name from your mouth.
He doesn't reply.
"Stop actin' dumb. I just saw you through the door. Open up, we need to talk."
You won't lie, it took a lot of courage standing outside his door. But Karasu-kun was probably dying. You had to get rid of your useless pride. It didn't do anything before and it won't do anything now. If you were humiliated during this conversation, so be it. You cared, you really did. And when you cared about something, you put in effort.
Karasu coughs and then exhales, "Look, (Last name)-san, I'm just not in the mood right now."
"...I don't care anymore. I just want to see you. That's all that matters." You practically pleading; begging.
"I look horrible right now. I'm extra sick." Karasu fights back.
"Just let me in. I don't care whether ya look horrible or not." You insist. Fuck, you're sounding a bit desperate right now.
"..." Karasu doesn't reply for a solid second but then opens the door fully.
He didn't get a good look at you the first time, but he can get one now.
You're still in the school uniform, hair neatly styled, bag at your side, and a LAWSON plastic in your hands.
"You look... not so good." You state bluntly.
"Yeah, Sherlock." Karasu rolls his eyes, "I'm surprised ya didn't say shitty or anything."
You decide to ignore his comments, "Can I come in?" You ask.
Karasu steps to the side, "Come on in."
You walk into the familiar house before speaking again, "Would you like to talk in your room? Or would is the living room fine?"
"My room. If yer fine with that."
"Okay." You walk up the stairs, following behind Karasu.
As you enter, you plop down on his desk chair. You've been here in this exact spot multiple times, but you're nervous.
Trying to fake your confidence, you hand him the plastic bag, "Here. You might need this for your cough. It's just some cough drops and an energy drink." He grabs the bag out of your hands, "I also got yer missing assignments. I figured that you wouldn't wanna be too behind." You dig into your bag and take out a folder.
Karasu takes everything you give him gratefully, "Thanks, (Last name)-san."
It goes quiet after that, the two of you not knowing what to say. Ever since that argument, you haven't talked to each other. You missed his banter and he missed your voice.
It feels like all your dignity is being robbed from you as you apologize, "I... I'm sorry for reacting like that a few days ago. I was pushing you. I'm not sick, so it isn't my right to tell you how to cure yourself. I was just really worried and everthing based on the things you told me." I just don't want ya to die....
Karasu nods as you say that. He decides to be mature about it too,
"Thanks, I really appreciate it. I was bein' stubborn too.. I understand why yer mad." Karasu coughs again. It was like his cough got even worse when you were around.
"Yeah." You hesitate asking the following question, "Say. Why haven't ya confessed anyways; since thats the only thing you need to do." You try asking that in a gentle tone, not wanting a repeat of the konbini incident.
"I told ya before. I just... don't wanna live a life without them." Karasu mumbles.
"Wow. I didn't take you for a romantic, lover boy. I thought you were a shallow pervert." There you go again. Right after the apology, you go and tease him. Maybe things would go back to normal. You missed acting like this with him.
"I'm not a pervert! I'm a gentleman, thank you very much." Karasu grinned. He hasn't done that in the past few days.
"Uh huh. Well, I wish ya luck with whoever it is." You had a look of longing and heartbreak in your eyes.
"...Thanks, I'll need it." Karasu murmurs. He definitely noticed that look on your face.
You brace yourself for the next question you ask him, "Say, who even is this person that you're so in love with."
"...I can't answer that."
Your heart aches as you hear that answer.
"I see..." Your eyes are downcast, showing your disappointment. You brush it off.
"I can't have you hate me more for this."
You raise an eyebrow, "Why would I hate you?"
"You don't hate me...?" Karasu has a hopeful tone in his voice.
"I don't hate you. Far from it, really." You never thought that you would admit it. You've spent too much time hating Karasu for your liking. While his statement may have been true years ago, but not anymore.
"Huh."
"Why would I even hate you for telling the truth?" You question.
Karasu burys his face in his hands, "I- fuck."
"It's fine, ya don't have to tell me."
You're bracing yourself for the impact. Who would it be? Certainly not you.
"God- I want to tell you- I just can't get it out without the thought of you hating me."
You reassure him, "No matter what you say, I won't hate ya."
Suddenly, he's coughing. Bad. You can only sit there, frozen, as Karasu coughs up the equivalent number of petals to a flower field. His trashcan is littered with the red of those carnation petals, taunting the both of you. Karasu continues his coughing fit.
Suddenly, in between his coughs, he finally spits those words out, "Fuck- I'm sorry ( First nname)."
He used your first name.
"I can't take it anymore, (First name.) It's you. It's always been you."
Those words take you by storm. You look into Karasu's eyes, his vision unwavering, "I never confessed because I didn't want ya to hate me, (name)." Karasu has to force those words out of himself. He feels so exposed, so vulnerable.
A tear wells up in your eye. "Look, ya absolutely don't have to reciprocate but- just- please don't hate me."
You grab Karasu's waist on instinct, pulling him closer to you. His face is buried in your chest. You have no words, so you settle for stroking his back.
"I..." Your voice cracks, "I could never hate ya, Tabito." You smile as you return the gesture, using his first name.
At his confession, a huge weight was lifted off of your shoulders. So it's mutual, huh? All this time, you've been so worried that he didn't reciprocate. You've been so scared for what?
"So... you're telling me... I was the cause of your hanahaki?" You raise an eyebrow.
Your arms are still wrapped around his waist as he looks up, "Yes."
"I- uhm. What do I even say to that?" You struggle to pick something to say in response.
"I... ya don't have to say anything."
He just wants to steal this moment from you before it ends and you inevitably reject him. After all, him confessing his feelings and the two of you staying friends sounded like a disaster. He wanted to be close to you like this all the time. His hanahaki would be gone soon, but at what cost? Before he could overthink, you speak up again.
You decide to be clear and blunt about it. Miscommunication was something that you hated, "I know I haven't been the clearest with my feelings, but I just wanted to say that I feel the same."
Karasu's heart started beating. You, out of all people, feeling the same? He was so sure that you thought of him as an enemy- as anything else but a lover. His heart started beating so fast that it might as well have leaped out of his chest.
"Look, as much as I love teasin' you n shit, calling you a perv and whatnot, I... oh god this is embarrasing."
Karasu laughed at that. "No needa be embaraased, love. I just layed out all my feelings to you too, ya know?"
Love? Your face heats up, "Love?! When'd I say you could call me that?"
He smirks, "Just testin' out the waters, y'know?"
"I- okay- where was I..." You trail off for a second, "Right. I really do care about you, even if I haven't said it that much. Or showed that I cared."
"You're wrong, (First name). I can tell that you care for me, y'know?"
Karasu is too perceptive for your liking; but it works out in your favor this time.
"Ya literally kept bothering me, tryna help me 'n shit. You also brought medicine and my schoolwork for me home. That's caring, to me at least."
You felt your heart melting as he said those words, "I... I see. I honestly thought you hated me, after that argument." Despite what it may seem like on the surface, you're really happy that he recognizes your efforts. You can't keep yourself from grinning.
"I don't hate you. In fact, I don't think i ever did." Karasu takes another deep breath, "A big flaw of me is that I can't be nice to people who I found mediocre. Up until recently, you had been one of those people I viewed like that. I got to know you better. Yer not an asshole. Ya actually put in effort into the things ya care about. And yer not a spoiled brat. Please, let me apologize for everythin' I've said the past few years."
His apology had actually taken you by surprise. Of course, Karasu was preceptive. He was the type to acknowledge his own flaws.
"You're all good, Tabito. I accept your apology. And most of the things you said go for me as well. I know I haven't been treating ya the best."
"Thank you, (First name). Now that we're done, I-"
You cut him off, "I'ma beat you to it. Karasu Tabito, I like you. Would you be willing to go out with me?"
Karasu sits up properly. He clearly wasn't expecting for you to take the initiative, "I... Of course I'd love to go out with you, (First name). Where to?"
"Uhm... I didn't think that far ahead. How about we figure something out later?"
"Alright," Karasu replies.
He tried to play it cool inside, but he was ecstatic. A date with you? He hadn't really processed anything that happened in the past half hour. All Karasu knew was that his hanahaki was gone and that he had a date with you this weekend. It went silent after that. You suddenly remember how Karasu has been absent.
"Uhm. Would you like help with the work, since you missed like 3 days of class?" You pipe up.
Right. His schoolwork. He had almost forgotten about that. Karasu couldn't afford to be behind on school; with college and exams and everything in between, "Please. Thank you, (first name)."
"So we're on a first name basis now?" You question.
Karasu scoffs, "We're goin' on a date soon. Yer hand is around my torso. And I just called ya love. So yeah."
"Fine, Tabito. You gonna keep clinging onto me or are we gonna start your lesson?" You tease.
You both are happy that things went back to the way they were. The banter, the teasing. It's what you loved most about this odd relationship between you two. Although, it wasn't really odd anymore.
"Why're you asking. It's true, is it not?" You challenge.
"Let's just start with my 'lesson'... God; I can barely remember how to do math..."
"You better study hard if ya wanna beat me. Maybe you'll do even better now that you have me as a tutor. You'll be number one in no time, with my help!" You proudly exclaim.
"Please- I was top in the class last time."
"Tch. Let's start," You just let Karasu have the last word on that one. "Oh- and if you do good, maybe I'll give you a reward," You add that last part in, just to rile him up.
"Hm? Now you got me motivated. Where do we start?"
You smile as you put the papers in front of him. It takes nearly the whole night to go over the various topics and help with the papers. You were tired, but it was worth it to help Karasu, or rather Tabito, out with assignments. Plus, you had to use your brain to help him. And that pretty much counted as review. One step closer to beating him in the class rankings, after all. Even though there were recent developments between you two, you were still competitive, as always.
As you're helping Karasu clean up the mess and disarray of papers, you speak up, "When do you want your reward?" You had concluded that Karasu, in fact, did deserve the reward you were thinking about giving him.
"Hm... what is it?" Karasu questions you.
"Surprise. Just tell me." You refuse to give karasu any more information than necessary.
Karasu thinks for a bit, ''Then how about... right now?" He smirks.
"Fine then."
You thought about this decision long and hard while helping him study. You determined that it would be okay. Pushing the various papers aside on his desk, you stood in front of where he was seating on the edge of his bed. You cupped Karasu's cheek with a tender and deep intensity. Tracing his cheek with your thumb, you spook in a soft and low voice, "You want this reward, right?"
Karasu could do nothing but freeze in your touch, "I- sure?"
"Are you sure?"
He gulped, "Yes, I'm sure, (First name)."
You decided to have some fun with it. Why not test his limits? You slowly leaned in, pushing Karasu against the matress. You had one of your palms out next to his head, which supported your weight. You leaned in just close enough to where you could feel his breath but not make contact. Just in case Karasu didn't want it, you waited for him to close the distance.
It didn't take long for your lips to meet.
Karasu's lips tasted faintly of mint. Not too strong, but it was definitely there. This smug bastard probably knew what you were planning all along; he probably ate a mint while you were in the bathroom. Tch. Well, it could've been worse. You kept the kiss light, only with your lips. Truth be told, you watned to go further, but this probably wasn't the righ time. You pull away after five seconds, breathing heavily.
You smirk, playing with his purple hair, "How's that for a reward?"
Karasu smirks, a little hazy from the kiss, "It was good."
"Tch? Only good?" You say with a bit of snark.
Karasu decides to entertain you, "Fine then, it was amazing."
"Good." You relax your muscles.
Karasu, being Karasu, take this opportunity to go and pull you down onto the matress with him.
"Ah-!" You squeak, "Tabito!"
"What is it, (First name)?"
"I- oh my gosh-"
"Are ya seriously gettin' flustered 'cause of me?"
"No- I'm not." That sounds a little too defensive.
Karasu smiles and wraps his hands around you, "Doesn't sound like it."
You decide to give in and to not fight the feelings anymore. Being with Tabito felt... good. It was nice and warm. Maybe this was the love people always talked about. The kind that felt as natural as breathing. The one where you felt nice and warm. Being selfish, just this once, wouldn't be too bad.
~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sorry coach; I can't stay any longer. I thought practice was gonna end right about now." Karasu, upon learning that practice was going to extend later, tried convincing his coach to leave earlier.
The coach looked at Karasu weird, "Tch. Sure you can, Karasu. Why? Ya got any plans?"
"I got plans, and if I keep my partner waitin', I'm gonna get beat."
"You're partner?!?! Hold up, Karasu-"
Everyone on the Bambi Osaka youth team looked at Karasu in shock. Partner?!?! This smug bitch getting a partner before any of them was a shock. Just then, his phone rang.
RING, RING, RING!
CALL INCOMING
FROM: LOVE <3
Everyone went quiet. And then chaos ensued.
"KARASU TABITO! YER NOT SINGLE ANYMORE?!?!"
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT HE DID IT!!! BOYS!!! KARASU PULLED!!!"
"WHO ARE THEY?!"
The only thing Karasu could do during the commotion was smirk.
"Eh.... But they're my partner. Kinda gatekeepin' 'em right now guys."
Suddenly, his phone went off again with a voicemail from you. He played it at a moderately loud volume.
"Tabito! I hope practice is over soon! We got a date soon. Go home and get ready. Aren't ya picking me up? Be safe going home! Bye bye!"
Even though it was over a recording, Karasu could still hear that usual snark in your voice. As soon as the voicemail stopped playing, the whole teams started making the usual "ooooh" noices and saying "awe" in that teasing and condescending tone.
"Oh shut up y'all. Anyways, see coach? I'm not lyin'- I swear."
It was clear the coach took pity on Karasu, so he let him go home slightly earlier.
The teasing was all worth it though, when Karasu saw you.
You guys had gotten together not too long ago, this being the first date in the relationship. And to say you looked stunning didn't even cover it. Karasu had chosen a place where you could drress up, so obviously, you had to. You picked out a outfit that was so you. You were glowing; radiant, in Karasu's eyes.
You, him, on a date to a nice place? Hell yeah; and he wouldn't have it any other way.
AUTHORS NOTE:
hey guys im so so happy that i finally finished it! this had been in my drafts since... september. Yeah. I don't like that either. I started really focusing on it during winter break, so this for sure gave me the time and passion I needed to dedicate to this fic. I'm pretty sure this is one of my longest fics, if not the longest. I will admit, I feel like the writing is kinda buns at some parts- but i had fun writing it, so that's all that matters! <3 I really love that rivals to lovers, sort of bickering dynamic. This fic was my first attempt at that, so it might be a little... lacking? I suppose. I will be writing more fics with Karasu and this trope in the future, so I'll hopfully nail it down. I also don't have that much experience writing angst, so this fic was a little light with it. I really wanna improve on that though, so tips would really be appreciated!!!
Even though this fic might be lacking in some areas, I still hope you guys enjoyed. I've kinda been hyping this fic up for DAYS on my main, so i hope it delivered. I think this was a good way to start up the new year!!!! Starting it off strong with, probably my longest oneshort LMAO.
So, so thankful to all my mutuals and friends who gave me the motivation to write this! Yall are awesome <<<333
i think barou really loves celebrating accomplishments but funnily enough, not his own. heโs worked tirelessly to get where he is. trains relentlessly. has an ambition and drive thatโs both inspiring and terrifying. but he doesnโt talk about how far heโs come bc thatโs just what he expects for himself. to be the best. and once he is the best. to be better.
at first this approach makes you a bit weary of him. heโs a great boyfriend. youโve been dating for a couple months and heโs just incredible. shows up for you in ways you never expected or asked for. itโs almost healing for you. but still, you hesitate to tell him your โwinsโ in the beginning of your relationship bc they seem so small and insignificant compared to his.
and eventually when he finds out youve been keeping these things from him heโs deeply offended. at first, heโs mad. upset. feels like you donโt trust him with the good things that are happening in your life.
you assure him itโs not big deal. that heโs so busy and you get that. but then, his irritation ebbs into a sadness he canโt quite describe. bc youโre diminishing yourself. making yourself seem small. dismissing your own accomplishments for the sake of what? his?
he hates it. so, he frames your degree and hangs it in his room. right beside his first professional jersey. the one heโs clearly outgrown. he takes you out to dinner when you get into grad school. buys you a gift when you complete your first semester. gets you flowers or books you a spa day when you get your dream job.
always, without fail, asks about your day. even celebrating the small wins. like when you finished the puzzle that was littering the dining table for a month. he glues it together and frames it. kisses the top of your head and tells you how amazing it is.
barou wants you to know that anything he does pales in comparison to anything you are capable of doing. he thinks the world of you. would erect monuments dedicated to you if he could. bc thatโs just how much he loves you.
เญจเญง CONTENT: MY headcanons on what would the Blue Lock boys beโRed flag, Yellow Flag, or Green Flag?
โฏA/N: แด แดสส สแดsษชแด ษชแด แดแด ษช แดแดsแด สแดแด สส ษดแดแดแด sแดแดส แดแด แดแดsแด ๐ญ, ษช แดสแดแดษชsแด ษดแดxแด แดษดแด ษชs ษขแดษดษดแด สแด แด สแดษดษขแดส (+ ษช แดษชษขสแด แดกสษชแดแด าแดส แด ษด). Also guys.. I've been so busy ๐ฅน u have no idea how much my school works were. I just wanna write ๐ I have so many things to worry abt: harvest of excellence, cosplay day, pending school works, journalism, and fanfics .. but I love being busy ngl ๐ฅฐ (ALSO FRANCE VS JP IS NEARING, AND NAGI IS BACK??)
TW: OPINIONS! (so scary, omg) As well as anything you'd expect in a red flag. If you don't want your delulu self to be shattered then don't read this I guess
FT. Isagi Yoichi, Bachira Meguru, Hiori Yo, Karasu Tabito, Otoya Eita, Mikage Reo, Nagi Seishiro, Itoshi Sae, Itoshi Rin, Michael Kaiser
I don't even need to explain in perfect detail why. He's naturally empathetic, respectful, helpful, and a yearnerโof course he'd be the same while in a relationship.Some might argue that he may be yellow because of his attitude on-pitchโbut that's ON PITCH. He's obviously way different when he's outside and in a relationship. Trust me, this guy is an entire green forest.
Yes. He can sometimes get too focused on soccer that he unintentionally leaves you confused and alone (obsessed with self-improvement and ambition). He also tends to over-analyze or overthink your every action, words, or chatsโbut overall a green flag!
Loves you to the absolute brim. He's a certified yearner #2. Loyal and faithfulโwill not look or interact with other girls, not because he thinks it's what he should doโbut because he genuinely sees no reason to and doesn't care. He offers creativity in the relationship, all dates and quality time will never be boring when it's with him. His declaration of feelings are always genuine.
Yes, I think at the start of the relationship he's leaning more towards yellow. He's still engulfed in his fear of loneliness, so he might not open up to you in a deeper perspective and will just hide it with fun or jokes. He sometimes doesn't realize that he's hurting you with how he doesn't do well with serious conversations. (Give him some time to adjust and learn, then he'd be a good boyfriend).
HIORI YO - GREEN FLAG ๐ข "(Omg Ari, why'd you put him in green ain't he canonically an ultra sadist omg why would you! you don't know anything at all ๐ก)" I might get publicly executed for ts but hear me out
I can see why people would put him in yellow โcause he canonically refers to himself as an ultra sadist, but I genuinely just see himself as an ultra sadist on pitch. He's soft-spoken, nice, friendly, and was also ranked 1 as the best listener in Blue Lock. He obviously won't make you crippled on purpose, in fact he'd be gentle. He's faithful + loyalโonly thinks of you everyday and every night even when he's away. He's also quiet, but genuine at everything he says to you. I also can see him be a bit more talkative around you. (He lets his guard down when you've been dating for a long time.) He's thoughtful as well. Additionally, he doesn't rely on constant talk to keep the relationship going. He respects your alone time as long as you respect his, and he's SUCH A GOOD LISTENER. (Canon, his type is someone who'd give him alone time, and he was ranked No. 1 in Blue Lock for being the best listener)
Obviously. At the start, he'd follow you around or observe you as he wants to see if you're being loyalโor just to see what you're doing since he cares (Canon, he did this with Karasu) And he definitely won't be a yandere and make you incapacitatedโbut his sadist side shows up every once and a while, he might get a bit of pleasure seeing you in slight pain (small cuts, making you beg for something, edging you/not in a sexual way) Also prefers to keep his feelings to himself as he doesn't want to bother you with his own feelings.
KARASU TABITO - GREEN FLAG ๐ข (If I see him in another video about red flags, I will RIOT)
Reliable, Responsible, and knows how to lift your mood up. He's the type to let you wear whatever you want because he can fight. I can see him yearn a lot actually, since he's naturally attracted and somewhat loyal to anything he finds extraordinary. He considers you as the only extraordinary thing about him (He canonically sees himself as mediocre.) He lets his guard down around you after some time in the relationship, which he never does with other people. Worships the ground you walk on subtly. He also communicates well and tells you what you did wrong.
Of course he does. He accidentally hurts you with his own jokes and comments without realizing it until you actually give him silent treatment or act in a weird way. Also tends to be closed-off most often, he doesn't want to be seen as vulnerable. Even though he communicates well, he used to make passive aggressive comments during the first few months of the relationship which genuinely makes you confusedโnot knowing what you did, it doesn't happen often after some time in the relationship though.
Womanizer final boss. Hope you're fine with red flags, because he will definitely cheat on you. Only dated you because he was bored, not because of a genuine feeling. He doesn't like to communicate, doesn't like to be vulnerable, doesn't like to open up, and doesn't like to commit to you. Purposely makes you jealous for fun but acts sad when you do the same. Again, he cheats after like 2 weeks into the relationship and when confronted, he doesn't care (This reminds me of that one vid- "If I cook one meal, am I a chef?")
Kinda? He's funny, can make you laugh even in a bad mood. (He jokes so you won't get vulnerable with himโhe doesn't know how to act with emotions.) The relationship won't be boring as he's always there to spice it up. He has an immaculate face card though can't lie, no wonder he's a womanizer
He's leaning slightly more on the yellow flag side for me, but he's still green regardless. He has a loving personality, will yearn for you, lots of money, multiple talents, and a good face card tooโliterally a booktokโs standards. He constantly tries to include you in his lifeโpractically thinks of you every single day, he's literally yearner final boss. Buys you gifts in the most random times, as well as memorizing every single fact about you that you ever told him. Your family will love him, he never gives up on trying to impress themโespecially you. Oh, and did I mention he's a yearner?
Yes! Possessive at timesโdoesn't want to share you and lowkey spirals when you choose someone else over him in something like partnering up for a project (Ehem ehem, Nagi choosing Isagi). He also expects that his money and gifts will fix everything instead of genuine communication. Also very privileged to the point it makes you insecure, like not intentionallyโbut he sometimes brags about his very luxurious life and expects you to use money to fix your problems which low-key makes you feel bad about yourself. (It's not really his fault.. it depends on how you'd treat that situation)
He's right in the middle for me not gonna lie. Very lazy obviously, doesn't understand social/romantic cues, expects you to do all of the romantic stuff, doesn't understand your emotional needs, and expects you to just understand with his attitude.
The good side is that he will always let you be by his sideโhis love language is probably quality time but minimal effort. Sometimes forgets anniversaries but ironically remembers a small thing you told him a year ago??
Good listener and will try out a game you're particularly interested in as well as lets you play with him. He also tries to do things you told him to without you needing to remind him all the time (like eating besides jelly packs, not sleep with his hair wet, use the phone while charging, etc)
I love my king, but come on now ๐. On the bright side, he definitely won't cheat as he truly loves you genuinely. Remember, Sae won't even engage in a relationship if he thinks it's a waste of timeโso he definitely loves you.
He also tends to spoil you with stuff from other countries he's been on, he pays attention to whatever you say, doesn't forget important dates, and lets you see a side of him no one sees before (like him with his bangs down, him taking a nap, him watching chibi maruko-chan, him listening to his favorite song, etc)
The bad side is he's constantly emotionally unavailableโsimply because he doesn't like vulnerability and doesn't understand the need for emotional talk. WILL PRIORITIZE SOCCER OVER YOUโthough he lets you know beforehand. Very bluntโsometimes good for you since he's honest, sometimes bad for you since he's so honest to the point you feel intimidated.
Let him adjust to this whole relationship thing, and he'll definitely try his best and build a deep relationship with you. (Though, if you give him signs that you're unable to handle his personality and busy schedule he'll drop you immediately)
if he ever decides to date, then you would be extremely special to him because he wouldn't even be interested in romance in the first place. He'd think of you way often, you'd be practically embedded into his mind. Behind closed doors he's mentally smacking himself on the face because of how much he's thinking of you. He constantly tries to control some of his impulsive behavior, he remembers more, he has a reason to get out and do something that isn't about soccerโfor you. To others, Rin is absolutely detached and cruelโbut they obviously can't see how he is inlove. He yearns hard in silence is basically what I mean, even if he doesn't plan for it at first.
Some of his bad sides is that he's emotionally unavailable, has anger issues that he tries to control but sometimes it just explodes when he's overstimulated, too caught-up in the one-sided beef with Sae, and he would always be busy with soccer.
Some of his good sides are that he's canonically kind and sensitive under his cold exterior, a very good listener, his love language is acts of service, and that he constantly tries to get used to this whole romance thing despite being uncomfortableโjust for you. (In secret though. Also he gives tsundere vibes but not really.. like he is but he isn't.. idk)
I don't think I have to dwell deeper much on this (sorry kaiser fans). He's egotisticalโthe spotlight has to be on him, whether in soccer or in the relationship. He doesn't understand the need to give you reassurance and tells you to just "get over it" when he cancels a date for soccer or when you communicate with him that you're feeling mad about something he did. He expects you to get used to the public view and be confident, but not to the point where you try to compete with him. Scrutinizes you for being insecure and just expects you to let him do whatever he wants. He doesn't understand the concept of loveโreceiving or giving. (See his behavior with Ness? Yeah, that's what you're gettingโa very human connection. He's such a red flag but he has a good face all of you wanna hit so)
Yeah? He spoils youโhis gifts and dates are always luxurious in order to show off. He's easy to joke with (He canonically laughs over some things like a cat rolling on the streetโso he laughs with shallow jokes as long as it doesn't show vulnerability). And I guess he's a good kisser too.. ?
Your boyfriend, whoโs known for being indifferent and unfazed, is undeniably and helplessly into you. ActuallyโฆTo say heโs just into you feels like an understatement.
Because the way you two steal gazes at each other when you think no one is watching, the way even the slightest graze of hands sends a current all the way to your brain โ which almost seems to feed it extra energy to pump more oxytocin into your veins โ do not scream โinto youโ.ย
Your actions say something much deeper than that. They scream quiet possessiveness, they chant promises of endless devotion with whispers of โi want to devour youโ in betweenโ.
It sounds almost mythical when said out loud, a man like him letting his true feelings for someone be out in the open so carelessly is a once in a blue moon occurrence, but even a guy like him struggles to maintain his poise sometimes โ especially when it comes to his girl.
And people are starting to take note of it too. There are more than enough videos, pictures and edits of moments where you both thought you were finally away from the worldโs watchful eyes or during interviews, that captured that look of pure hunger in his eyes.ย
A hunger that never seems to be easily satiated with one simple kiss. Your boyfriend 's composure is thrown out the window even after one simple peck from you. He needsโฆ No, he craves more for more, and honestly, so do you.ย
ย And just when you halt your attacks on each otherโs kiss bitten lips, eyes barely open and chests heaving in sync, youโre magnetically pulled back together milliseconds after.
Moments like this have not yet been captured by the world outside your apartment, as youโve had the minimum amount of decency to not make out in public. But if thereโs something thereโs something they should know, is every time youโre about to steal a kiss, your eyes glint with gluttony as much as his do โ maybe even more.
s. itoshi, m. kaiser, s.barou. t.karasu . . . + ur fav
an โ pls dont mind me... dividers from; @/cafekitsune
You press another kiss under Karasuโs eye, making him gently squeeze your hips, โthank you, baby.โ
โDid you know that beauty marks are just indicators of where you were kissed the most in a past life?โ
Your rambling manages to crack a smile from him, his eyes peeking at you, โreally? That right?โ
The room has been quiet for some time now, you and Tabito merely enjoying each otherโs company and time after a long week of not having any other time to. He smells good, so sweet and familiar with the brand of his body wash being one he hasnโt changed since before he met you.
Youโve grown to adore that scent.
โMmhmm,โ you hum, your hands planting on his chest and pushing yourself up from your laid down position. โDo you think I gave them to you in a past life?โ
He puckers his lips out in thought, though youโre quick to bend down and steal a kiss, making him snicker, โI dunno- Iโm kinda into the idea of you harassing me across different timelines.โ
โHey,โ you pout, and he laughs and gently squeezes your hips again. You lean forward to lay back against his chest, nose burying into his neck and nuzzling the sensitive skin there. Your warm breath raises goosebumps on his skin, and you're quick to pepper more kisses there. โI think we were snails in a past life.โ
โOh yeah?โ He asks. โWhy do you think that?โ
You shrug, โI donโt know. Just a hunch. And you know Iโm never wrong.โ
โYouโre right, youโve never been wrong once in this relationship.โ
You grin, โIโm so glad you know that.โ One of your hands slips over to lace your fingers with his, and heโs quick to bring the bundle of hands up to his mouth, kissing the back of yours. โI think we had sleepovers in your shell.โ
โI don't think that's how snails work.โ
You shrug. โI think youโd make an exception for me.โ
โOf course I would.โ He noses at your scalp and cuddles closer for comfort, "I'll always make an exception for you."
You smile and let your eyes flutter shut, allowing the warmth of his arms surrounding you to lull you to a state of peace.
Really really don't have much to offer these days due to college but have a quick piece of Karasu and Shidou ๐ฅน
Idk just feel like they'd be so chaotic and fun together and since they were both bid by PXG at the end of NEL so they'll definitely be seeing each other a lot in the future (I hope) ๐
I'm so sorry to just barge in here like this but I saw the notif for your reblog and my heart nearly just stopped like THE CLARALANCE?? REBLOGGED??? MY WRITING?????
I'M SORRY I SEE YOUR POSTS AND I FORGET TO REBLOG A LOT BUT PLEASE BELIEVE ME I LOVE YOUR POSTS
HI THERE!!
OMG YOU KNOW ME????!!!! Literally tripped over myself when I saw this omg. I really can't believe someone'd know me since I haven't posted anything in forever ๐ฅน๐ฅน๐ฅน
Anw TYSM and YOUR WRITING IS AMAZING I LITERALLY GOT EMOTIONAL READING YOUR POST HONEY, PLEASE WRITE MORE ๐ซถ๐ซถ๐ซถ๐ซถ
NO I TRIPPED OVER MYSELF TOO SEEING YOU OKAY. FULL DISBELIEF OVER HERE TOO.
AAAAAA ๐ฅน๐ซถ THANK YOU SO MUCH, I LOVE YOUR WRITINGS TOO HOLY SHIT. I just realized one of the reasons I hadn't reblogged your works were cause one of them was too angsty and I got in the feels holy shit aaaaaa
I'm so sorry to just barge in here like this but I saw the notif for your reblog and my heart nearly just stopped like THE CLARALANCE?? REBLOGGED??? MY WRITING?????
I'M SORRY I SEE YOUR POSTS AND I FORGET TO REBLOG A LOT BUT PLEASE BELIEVE ME I LOVE YOUR POSTS
HI THERE!!
OMG YOU KNOW ME????!!!! Literally tripped over myself when I saw this omg. I really can't believe someone'd know me since I haven't posted anything in forever ๐ฅน๐ฅน๐ฅน
Anw TYSM and YOUR WRITING IS AMAZING I LITERALLY GOT EMOTIONAL READING YOUR POST HONEY, PLEASE WRITE MORE ๐ซถ๐ซถ๐ซถ๐ซถ
