ꜱᴀᴇ, ᴡʜʏ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅɴ’ᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅʏ, ᴛᴏᴏ?
synopsis: Unfortunately, the reality of waiting for love wasn't going to work in Y/n's favor. After Sae came home from Spain, she awaited him to keep his promise, yet she was brutally turned down.
warning/s: angst, hurt with no comfort
notes: I had a bad day so I'm taking it out on everyone else like this. also ik they didnt know when Sae was gonna come back in the series but HERE we know guys. School is starting soon so trust my delusions will be written down in the drafts and will come up eventually on weekends
Meeting Sae Itoshi at a young age was both a blessing and a curse.
Happening to meet by chance when offering to buy the young boy and his little brother some ice cream after seeing them both on a bench looking quite exhausted after practice.
It wasn't long before her crush on the older Itoshi began to form.
"I actually won this time!" she beamed to herself.
These ice cream meetings have been a very common occurrence while the young girl was on her on outdoors running a few errands for her mother and catching up with the two brothers after they finish practice.
"Rinnie, Sae-Kun, did you win?" She smiled at the two boys next to her, Rin walking in between the two older kids.
"Yeah! I did, look Y/n-Chan!" Rin turned his empty stick towards her which read 'Win'.
"You two are just wasting your good luck on unimportant things..." Sae muttered to himself, staring at his own stick.
"I'm just saving my luck for more important things in the future."
He grimaced, "It doesn't matter, I will become the best striker in the world." He stated strongly.
They continued walking down the same path almost every day, same ice cream, same story, same laughs. Same old Sae and Rin.
It had been about 2 or three years since they met, and their bond only strengthened.
"Saeeee! Don't walk away from us we just wanna take a closer look at your bangs!" Y/n called out to the older Itoshi who sped up to walk away from them.
"Big bro is just upset you noticed his bangs were uneven..." Rin whispered down at his feet, seemingly speaking to her.
She sighed softly and watched him walk off.
"Well Rin, maybe he's a bit embarrassed..." She smiled down at him and ruffled his hair.
He giggled a bit before mumbling something to her quietly.
"I think its cuz' he like-likes you..." He trailed off
"Oh? And why do you think that, Rinnie?" She whispered back loudly, being a recurring joke in their trio about how bad Y/n whispered, light pink dusting her cheeks as they walked behind Sae. Hope blooming in her chest.
"I Dunno... he just does."
"I can hear you two!" Sae grumbled loudly ahead of them.
The two brothers were full of happiness, their shared dream and the love between them both. Y/n loved seeing this side of them both, wide eyed and positive.
What Y/n did notice after this interaction was how Rin would intentionally go off on his own for a while, leaving her and Sae alone together. She noticed the way his hand would linger near her face if he wiped ice cream off of her chin, the way his eyes would fly across the bleachers of every game he played to see if she had attended, the way his lips would curve upwards when he caught her gaze.
Even a few years later, the evening before Sae left for Spain, when all three of you hung out on the Itoshi houses front porch, reminiscing. She noticed his eyes not leaving her, and when she did turn to face him, his face would. redden and his eyes would dart around at anything but her.
"-Yeah and remember when he almost fell of the bridge?" Sae smirked.
"That was a total accident shut up Sae..." Rin replied sourly.
"Either way," Sae started standing up from the porch, staring up at the darkening sky.
"It's getting late, I'm gonna walk Y/n home so head inside okay Rin?" He stated, grabbing her hand and lifting her from the porch without looking at her.
"Whatttt I wanna come drop Y/n-Chan home too..." he started but then realized the redness of his older brother's cheeks.
"It's okay, Rinnie," She ruffled his hair again. "I'll come hang out with you tomorrow!" she smiled softly before leaning in, "And that party pooper Sae won't be here, so we can have fun together!"
He smiled at that last part before waving. "Fine, Bye bye Y/n!" he said dropping his complaints rather quickly.
She waved back and was pulled softly forward by Sae.
They began walking slowly side by side yet Sae still hadn't let go of her hand.
The tips of her ears were reddening by the second, their close proximity to one another as they walked alone.
When Sae finally worked up the courage to speak he turned slowly, seeing the thirteen year old version of a young girl he pined for in secret. She looked the same just... prettier. His confidence diminished slowly until,
"Sae... will you keep in touch when you leave..?” She said quietly.
“Of course. I wouldn’t leave you two behind.” He replied.
“Good… because I really like you, yknow?” Her confession spilled out quickly, a light pink dusting her cheeks as her eyes stayed glued to the ground.
“Yeah… I really like you too.” He sputtered out trying to hide the reddish tint in his face.
They continued walking hand in hand. Just a comfortable silence until they finally saw Y/n’s house coming up.
She silently held his hand tighter he didn’t say a word until he looked over to her.
Her face red and eyes watery, tears threatening to spill.
“Hey, don’t cry…” he whispered to her, stopping on the sidewalk in front of her house.
“He tried to lift his hand to brush her hair out the way but she turned quickly to dodge him. Using her own sleeve to wipe her eyes.
“I’m not…” she whispered to him, voice wavering.
The gentle evening breeze blowing her hair and revealing her sad face.
“Promise to keep in touch.” She held him tightly in a warm embrace, her arms holding his neck hostage.
“I will, so wait for me okay?” He returned the hug and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“Why’d you have to go and tell me you liked me all of a sudden huh? And right before you leave…” she held him tighter.
“I should’ve listened to Rinnie from day one, he told me you liked me.”
He pulled back slightly to stare at her damp eyes which left a dark stain on his shoulder.
“It’s okay. I’ll be back.” He leaned down and his lips met her forehead.
“Wait a while and I’ll be back to give you the real thing, when I’m the best striker in the world.” He smirked along with his new sense of confidence.
She scoffed but smiled anyway her cheeks redder than before.
Their hug lasted what felt like an eternity.
Tomorrow he'd be seemingly an eternity away...
"Rinnie! I'm so excited he's coming back!" she lay on her bed kicking her feet in the air as Rin sat perched on a beanbag chair in her room staring at the TV, soccer highlights probably.
In the older Itoshi's absence, Rin and Y/n continued to bond over their missing member of the trio, hanging out regularly with Y/n going to his games to support him.
But Sae was always in the back of her mind.
"Me too." He said softly. "But I'm a bit worried. He hasn't kept in touch this last year..."
"I'm sure he's just been a bit busy being a star..." She twirled a strand of hair in her fingers.
"Still waiting for that real kiss?" he teased with a straight face, brow lifting.
She kicked her legs harder and sighed softly.
"Yes..." she replied bashfully, voice muffled by her pillow.
"Lets head back to my house to catch him before he gets there." He smiled softly getting up and grabbing his scarf to go back into the cold.
As Rin and Y/n made their journey to the Itoshi house they passed by the field Sae and Rin would play in as children.
"Oh, a stray ball on the field? lets go get it and show Sae, it looks kind of cool no?" Y/n asked pulling the now much taller boy along with her. It was getting darker, they quickly went in and stared down at the ball.
"Hm. It looks pretty normal to me..."
"Don't think like that, Rinnie... I'm sure Sae'll like anything we give him!" She smiled warmly and leaned down to pick up the ball.
"Wait, let me see if its a good ball for big bro..." He suddenly kicked the ball into the nearby goal it curved and hit the net.
"Woah that was so cool!" She stared at the goal where the ball ended up.
A snowflake landed on her nose.
Both of them looked up the see the sky full of white snowflakes.
Rin looked around, "Oh. Snow." He said blankly.
A familiar yet deeper voice permeated the silence.
"The line of that shot wasn't tight enough."
They both turned to see Sae standing with his suitcase.
Rin's eyes lit up "Oh, big bro- Welcome home." his smile widening.
"Sae, you're back! we were about to head to the house and-" Y/n started but trailed off seeing his appearance.
He looked sick, eyes darkened and lined with bags, a hand in his pocket. He stood so stiffly she could hardly tell it was the same Sae she said bye to 4 years ago.
She stayed quiet and kept the same small smile as Rin began to speak.
"I see you in the news all the time. You've played in Royale's academy games, scored goals... You're awesome."
She nodded along with him.
Sae's hand left his pocket.
"There are people more awesome than me out there."
"Where's this coming from?" Rin questioned
He clenched his hand into a fist. "I've updated my dream." His brows furrowed. "I'm gonna be the best midfielder in the world."
Rin and Y/n looked at each other for a moment and stared back at Sae.
"What?" She said, her face lifting from the coverage of her scarf, revealing her rosy cheeks.
"Striker, you mean." Rin's face hardened slightly. "There's no point in becoming the best midfielder in the world."
"Shut up. Only someone who's never been out into the world would say that."
Y/n's eye's widened and Rin's face twisted.
"What's this about?" Rin asked
He stepped forward past Y/n. "You said we'd fight together. That I should become the second best after you." Rin asserted.
"Right," he replied "So Ill be the best midfielder, and you can be the best striker in the world-"
"I'm the little brother of the best striker in the world!" Rin yelled at him. "Did you come back just to tell me something so lame? I don't wanna see you like this. You aren't the big bro I shared my dream with."
Sae's head tilted downward slightly.
"I see now, we're half-baked. You and me both." He took a stance, a newfound confidence bloomed.
"If you can beat me one-on-one, I'll share that dream with you once more." He leaned down, letting go of his suitcase. "But if I win, our dream ends here."
Y/n looked between them both stepping forward.
"Now Sae, I think we should all just head home and get some rest-" Y/n interrupted.
"Not now Y/n, step aside."
She didn't argue, stepping backwards and to the right out of their way.
"I don't want to play a game like this! And how could you be so cruel to Y/n?" Rin stepped back as well, bewildered.
His face stayed the same getting into position.
He lunged forward quicker than either of them expected, his intentions unwavering.
"This is a one-shot match." He dribbled past Rin, leaving him shocked, but Rin didn't give up. The two ran past Y/n quick enough to make her scarf blow. She watched intently, biting her lip in suspense.
"Big bro!" he called after Sae who was busy running after the goal.
"Rin, in the four years I've been away..."
He dribbles right past him and makes him fall backward onto the cold ground.
"What have you been doing here?"
Sae shot with precision and hit the net.
Y/n's hand flies to her mouth as Rin stares in shock at Sae.
"Hold on big bro. After you left, I worked really hard." he starts desperately trying to convince him.
"I did so to become the best in Japan and get scouted like you... So that I could become your replacement. I fought hard for the team and became the best in Japan, like I promised. And now, it's over, just like that?" Rin's head tilts downward, leading Y/n to jog over to him in the cold.
"If I can't chase my dream with you, then... I've got no reason to play soccer anymore..."
Sae scoffed walking past the two, Y/n's hand resting on Rin's shoulder and staring up at Sae.
"Sae, don't you see how your words affect your little brother? I've had enough of this." Y/n glares over at Sae.
"Tch, just because you want my attention doesn't mean you deserve it. So, screw that best in Japan shit, screw that your replacement shit. It makes me wanna hurl." He turned away completely. "Don't ever use me as an excuse to play soccer. To me, you're nothing but a nuisance, just a little brother who's a pain in the neck. You have no value. Get lost, Rin, Y/n, I don't need you two in my life anymore."
"Sae wait!" Y/n rose from her spot next to Rin.
He paused, head turning slightly to hear what she had to say.
"Didn't our friendship mean anything to you? For you to just throw everything that we had away is insane!" She turned back to Rin, still in shock, his gaze not leaving the ground.
"Y/n... The future of Japanese soccer is doomed. Theres no need for me to stay in this country any longer than to renew my visa."
She walked forward, her fists curled and feet thumping against the ground.
The snow coated the top of her head, scarf barely covering her face.
She approached him, toe to toe looking up at him, eyebrows curled to form a pitiful expression.
"Didn't you promise me? Didn't you promise us...? You said we wouldn't drift apart; we would keep contact... and we would... no, you would-"
"Kiss you?" He questioned bluntly.
Her arms crossed in embarrassment, looking down at her feet.
"If you'd like to come with me, so be it as long as you don't hold me back."
She stared into his eyes; it seemed like the tiniest bit of hope peered through his stoic facade.
Y/n knew exactly what she wanted, lips tightening to a straight line before reaching for Sae's hand, cold and bigger than before.
"You know I care about you so so much, but what you did today? What you said? I could never leave Rin just to chase after a love story that ended the second you talked down to me and your brother like that."
She lifted his hand slowly, cupping her own face with it and shivering at his touch. His thumb brushed over her lips staring down at her.
Her eyes watered, just like that evening, when the now 17-year-old pretty girl he had the biggest crush on suddenly got older, prettier, and left him even more flustered than he was in the past. His cheeks were dusted with a light shade of pink. Easily hidden by the shadows of his hair.
"Sae, I can't- won't do this with you unless you make things right..." She looked away from him, his palm still holding her face.
"Hm." he replied softly. Pulling her face forward to meet his eyes.
He knew the effects he had on her, he knew if he kissed her right then she probably wouldn't be able to pull away.
"Don't let it end like this." Her voice cracked, and she turned her face slightly to plant a small kiss on his hand. When he didn't reply, she knew.
She scoffed and quickly pulled away from his touch, a tear threatening to fall down her face.
She stopped in her tracks, uttering one last sentence to him.
"Sae, why couldn't you be ready, too?" Her broken voice pierced the silence.
"I was ready. Ready to be happy. Ready for that long look that never ends."
"And now, I don't know what to do. I waited. You are oh so confusing, Sae Itoshi." She turned away from him for the last time. She couldn't turn back and face him, not anymore, or she would never let him leave.
Her teary face dampened her soft scarf. She walked slowly back to Rin, dropping down next to him onto her knees. She grabbed his head, pulling it close to her, shielding Rin from watching his brother walk away.
When she lifted her head to watch him walk off, she noticed the slightest bit of hesitation when their eyes locked for seemingly the final time. She looked away quickly, her forehead resting on the top of Rin's head, wetting his bangs with her tears.
He still remembers how she whispered to him that day, vividly. the gentle back rubs and soft giggles as she tried to mask her sadness.
He still remembers how the one person who was true to him chose to stay.
Sae watched her pull away from him. He was in all his right mind to pull her back to him, close again, kiss her. But his goals were more important than some childhood crush, right?
She walked and dropped right next to his miserable brother, holding him tightly; she never could whisper quietly enough to hide what she was saying.
He still thinks about the things she said in the silence.
"Don't worry, Rinnie, we're gonna head home and eat a warm meal."
Her own voice cracked through her reassuring facade
"It'll be okay, just breath."
She spoke more to herself than to Rin.
And when she turned back and met his gaze he almost reached out to her, before she turned back to Rin.
"My Rinnie, I'm here, it's okay, don't be upset."
"My tears are wetting your bangs I'm sorry..." she giggled softly, it didn't sound genuine.
"Get up Rinnie, let's go home, please?"
Even during the U-20 match, he couldn't quite wrap his head around Rin's angry expression, his intensity.
And at the end of the game, after speaking to him, he didn't understand why Rin so quickly brushed past Y/n, leaving her with a frown, her eyes followed where he walked from meeting with Sae's.
His eyes stayed glued to hers, lips parting as if he wanted to call out to her from the few meters that separated them.
But his voice never came out.
She waited a desperate moment before turning the other way and going after Rin.
At least they both still had each other, and to Sae. That would just have to stay the same and be alright.
