patroclus: scientists say that average life expectancy is 73 years.
achilles: uh oh, i don’t know about you, but i’m feeling 22.
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@classicalgreekshit
patroclus: scientists say that average life expectancy is 73 years.
achilles: uh oh, i don’t know about you, but i’m feeling 22.
— final lines from the Thebaid by Statius.
some of you have never followed your boyfriend to the ten-year war to die for him and his people and it shows
all historians be like:
when my classics teacher says that achilles and patroclus were just friends
jason: what are you reading, sweetheart?
medea: hera sent me an article about kids
jason: and what exactly is it about?
medea: childfree.
odysseus: pyrrhus, your dad was gay™️ for patroclus so we should listen to his last request and mix their ashes together
pyrrhus:
zeus: people have some problems down there what should we do
hera: maybe you should stop fucking them...
apollo: ...and transforming them into fucking plants...
artemis: ...and making them into stars...
aphrodite: ...and punishing them for no fucking reason?...
zeus: i can’t get ya
hades: just stop breathing
odysseus: we need plan b
patroclus: i know the good one
odysseus: really?
patroclus: how about me wearing achilles’s armor, dying from hector and making achilles revenge on him?
odysseus: what the fuck patroclus i was talking about wooden horse
agamemnon: we are in the middle of the war and my people have a problem
achilles: yeah, you are the problem
job interviewer: describe your previous job
bellerophon: i was killing chimeras in ancient greece
job interviewer: but there were no chimeras in ancient greece
bellerophon: you're welcome
job interviewer: *whispering to assistant* holy shit he's good
hermes: how many times a week do you drink?
dionysus: as much as i can
hyacinth: what are your strengths?
apollo: i'm falling in love too quickly
hyacinth: and what are your weaknesses then?
apollo: your beautiful eyes and heavenly curled hair
russo: chris you are going to play a kiss
chris: ok did you tell it sebastian?
russo: should we?
chris: oh i got it. you think that i should do it unexpectedly?
russo: no...
chris: so why you didnt tell it sebastian?
russo: we dont think that will make him sad
chris: are you sure that kiss with me will make sebastian sad?
russo: oh
russo: .........
russo: actually you should kiss emily
chris: what?
chris: stop
chris: ...........
chris: forget it.