If you're waiting for the perfect moment to make a change, don't bother, experts say. There is no such thing. "If there were, you would've already done it," Jacobs points out.
Instead, try this exercise. Write down the answer to each question before moving on to the next one.
What do I want in my life right now that is missing?
How would I feel in five years if I didn't have this in my life?
Why haven't I made this change already?
"Once you've answered these questions, that's the moment to go for it -- while you're tapped into the positive emotions and excitement," Troiani says. But "going for it" doesn't necessarily mean doing a 180-degree turnaround tomorrow. "Start small to ease the anxiety," she suggests. "Want a change in career, but not ready to leave your job? Take a class to find out if the new field is a good fit. Testing the waters will make you feel informed, and that will motivate you to continue."
Make a Plan
For Kalyn Johnson, it took just a few more unhappy months at her law firm to convince her that there was no harm in moonlighting as a wardrobe consultant. She ordered business cards to pass out the next time someone stopped her and asked where she got her scarf or pair of boots. Within days, she had two clients. What she didn't have was a business strategy, and she soon became overwhelmed by the demands of juggling her legal job and the wardrobe consultant gig.
"People want change to be quick and easy, but it is a process," Jacobs says. "You need a plan to guide you."
Write down your goal and be as specific as possible. Below it, make two lists: one detailing the steps you'll have to take to reach your objective; the other listing the obstacles you're likely to run into and how you're going to deal with each one.
"If your goal is to lose 25 pounds, make sure you have a contingency plan to get you over the hurdles," Jacobs says. "What are you going to do at your mother's house when she pushes food on you? If you have tactics in place, you're more likely to succeed."
Before Kalyn started her business, she built her confidence as she developed her idea. She quit the law firm and started spending time with a local group of entrepreneurs for their feedback. She made tweaks to her concept based on their suggestions, and in 2008 she launched Styling by Kalyn Johnson. "Four years later I'm really enjoying the change, but I didn't so much at first," Kalyn, now 43, admits. "I was redefining myself, and I had to get comfortable with not knowing what was around the corner."
Prepare for Speed Bumps
At 29, Sascha Rothchild, a writer in Los Angeles, found herself single again after only two years of marriage. Somehow she managed to bypass the postdivorce period of mourning, and soon she was dating and experiencing a creative surge that led to a deal for her book How to Get Divorced by 30. By all outward appearances, Sascha had embraced change. But then one day, she was suddenly hit with an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness. "Whenever I was alone, I was overcome with panic and anxiety," she says.
The moral of her story: Just when you think you're weathering change, stress can sneak up from behind and prove otherwise. "Hormones released by the body in response to stress impair the areas of your brain that adapt to change," explains researcher Michael Schlund, PhD, assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine in Baltimore. "So when you're under stress, your brain has a harder time accepting change and instead favors the familiar."
Rather than giving up and going back to the old way of doing things, double your commitment to recent changes. "The way to keep a new habit going is through positive reinforcement," Troiani says. Reward yourself -- download the book you've been wanting to read, for instance -- when you make progress.
Also key is building a support system. Share your plan with two or three friends or family members you trust. Be sure that one of them can inspire you and another has been down a similar path and understands what you're going through. Check in with them at least weekly. "Cheerleaders and advisers help you stay accountable," Troiani says. "And talking keeps you motivated."
That's what Sascha ultimately discovered. With the help of a therapist, she sorted out what went wrong in her marriage and how she could keep from making the same mistakes again. "The only way to welcome change is to decide exactly what needs to be changed," she says. "If you can't pinpoint what you don't like about yourself, you can't change it."
Now happily remarried, Sascha knows that change is a journey. "Making lasting change comes down to three things," Sascha says. "Practice, practice, practice."
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