claudsdump

i don’t know how this works but i’m here to vent, is that allowed? i need to spill my guts or else this hole will shallow me up. she/he/they nd

[claudsdump]

intro post

ok so i’ve seen several blogs now doing pinned intro posts, here’s mine!

first, please be nice; dni if you’re not gonna be.

i’m an adult, queer, neurodivergent, university student.

she/he/they —i don’t really mind what pronouns people use to refer to me.

english is not my first language so mistakes and weird sentencing is guaranteed.

i made this blog because i feel very lonely and i can’t keep everything inside anymore. i just want to scream to the void that is the internet. i also struggle to put my feelings into words when i’m not ok (i used to write in a notebook but that’s been difficult lately), so maybe this will help. i said all this in my first post but yeah, that will probably get lost lol.

while i sometimes just vent my frustrations, i will probably talk about serious topics so, trigger warning! for suicidal ideation, sh, heavy stuff which happens in the world like sa, wars, genocide, etc., weird relationship with food… dunno what else i should tw, but you get gist of it.

i talk a lot about being queer, neurodivergent and related topics and life struggles i guess. i also have a few medical conditions so that too.

if i’m feeling well enough maybe i will also talk about love, hope and stuff. maybe even about fandoms i’m in.

i think this about sums it up, feel free to call me out if i missed something or there’s anything i should change. also please bear with me i’m new to tumblr so i’m still figuring it out how it works.

[claudsdump]

i dont have my notebook with me, so tumblr it is i guess.

so turns out one of my friendliest and closest friend —we’re not super close, best friends or anything, but out of anyone from my friend group they’re the closest to me i guess—, doesn’t think i’m the kind of person who wants and likes to get hugged as a greeting/goodbye. they didn’t phrase it like that but they made it clear they don’t see me as one of those ppl they would and do hug. and no one else disagreed, in fact i think another friend even agreed. it caught me off guard and so i spent the rest of the evening thinking about it.

i can’t remember how many times i’ve written over and over again about how i wish i were closer, both as a friend and physically, to my friends. like, i actively contain myself so that i’m not touchy with them cuz i know it can make ppl uncomfortable and that’s the last thing i want —there’s also, yk, gender stuff that could make it look as if i were interested in them. the only person who i don’t always hold back with is my partner, he knows i love physical touch and lets me indulge in it with him even if he doesn’t like it that much. i’m always thinking about how id love to have those friendly, casual touches many people have. and now i discover they think it’s me who doesn’t want that?

i’m just- confused and sad and… idk. i know i can’t expect everyone to perceive me however i want, but id hoped this friend new me a bit more idk. it’s rlly not that deep, i just needed to vent a bit and talk about it.

[kosmogrl]

the horrors persist but so do I

[wetheurban]

Being chalant is one of the most beautiful ways to demonstrate love and interest. Be expressive. Let me know. Say the kind thing. Risk being cringe. Don't make me guess your feelings. Life is too short for that.

[wetheurban]

At the end of the day, you can’t delay joy until life looks a certain way. You deserve to enjoy your life now.

[claudsdump]

we sometimes try to justify or explain someone’s actions through their surroundings and the way they were raised but at the same time, there’s plenty of people who still turn out the complete opposite from what they were taught. and at some point we have to take responsibility for our own beliefs and actions right? at least to some extend or in spite of the ppl around us?

i don’t know what to think about this. our upbringing does condition us in a way or another, but does it always forces us to be a certain way? or is everyone capable of breaking free from it? some have told me yes, but there’s always people who perpetuate the cycle. i can’t fully settle on an opinion without feeling like a bad person.

this is all because i think i have to stop excusing my parents actions but i feel cruel for it, like i’m invalidating the things that they have gone through.

[claudsdump]

i had kind of a talk (if you could call it that) with my parents the other day. i’ve been overthinking and going over what they said with my partner for the past couple of days. but i just can’t really wrap my head around the way they treated me.

it wasn’t something super out of character for them, so i shouldn’t really be surprised. but i guess this is what happens when i purposely put distance between us, forget for a bit how they get and then give them the nth second chance because i get hopeful they are capable of change.

[claudsdump]

i made the math… i won’t be graduating uni til at least 25. twenty-five. i feel so late to everything.

[claudsdump]

can’t stop thinking about how homophobia is rooted in misogyny

[claudsdump]

ok live actions always make changes ok fine. but am i the only one who thinks most of the changes in avatar are butchering the story? like, whyyyyyyy?

[claudsdump]

maybe i’m being too critical cuz i rlly like the og (tho, yes this one also had its things). but, i mean…

whyyy are we making ozai more of a redeemable father? i also feel like they toned down the abuse towards his wife?? at least from what i remember in the og it’s crystal clear ursa was forced to marry him and here it looks like she agreed to mix their clans ?? og ozai couldn’t care less about her clan, she specifically told her to say her goodbyes cuz she would never be seeing them again, he only wanted her “avatar genes” for his kids.

[claudsdump]

they just mixed the library episode, with ba sing se, with the painted lady, with too many things… and now the library is a reunion party: jet, toph, yangchen, kyoshi, and their mother are all there my god.. i’m not in the fandom but the kataang chemistry is nowhere to be found, she has more scenes with literally everyone else than with aang (so far. just started ep6). yeah why not.

tbh i’m not even gonna complain that they’re expanding on sokka’s trauma with yue.

aang can now heal with water bending? um, ok, whatever. toph can write with earth bending? and for some reason, even though they entered to the library through the spirit world, meaning NO bending, toph can still see with her feet.. she can’t earth bend but can see?

kudos to the actors cuz i’m sure they’re doing their best and are rlly excited about the project and this is not their fault… but there are lots of things that aren’t making any sense

[claudsdump]

ok live actions always make changes ok fine. but am i the only one who thinks most of the changes in avatar are butchering the story? like, whyyyyyyy?

[claudsdump]

maybe i’m being too critical cuz i rlly like the og (tho, yes it also had its things). but, i mean…

whyyy are we making ozai more of a redeemable father? i also feel like they toned down the abuse towards his wife?? at least from what i remember in the og it’s crystal clear ursa was forced to marry him and here it looks like she agreed to mix their clans ?? og ozai couldn’t care less about her clan, she specifically told her to say her goodbyes cuz she would never be seeing them again, he only wanted her “avatar genes” for his kids.

[claudsdump]

ok live actions always make changes ok fine. but am i the only one who thinks most of the changes in avatar are butchering the story? like, whyyyyyyy?

[claudsdump]

i’m going to get my degree and then i won’t have to see you again

i’m going to get my degree and then i won’t have to see you again

i’m going to get my degree and then i won’t have to see you again

i’m going to get my degree and then i won’t have to see you again

[claudsdump]

i have a sibling, but we’ve never been close. so whenever i see close siblings it’s like i’m mourning, but i feel i have no right to do so, you know? cuz i do have a sibling, i just don’t have relationship i wish i had with them

[claudsdump]

starting reading one room ta cuz i saw it was getting animated JASHSJHS IM CACKLING THIS IS SO GOOD i love the blonds shenanigans

[claudsdump]

i-i’m on chapter 15… wait… no, wait… what

[claudsdump]

kinda my fault for going in blind BUT all is well i have faith jinhyeong will fall in love and then come clean and then uyun will forgive him and all is going to be well i trust i trust

[claudsdump]

starting reading one room ta cuz i saw it was getting animated JASHSJHS IM CACKLING THIS IS SO GOOD i love the blonds shenanigans

[claudsdump]

i-i’m on chapter 15… wait… no, wait… what

[claudsdump]

starting reading one room ta cuz i saw it was getting animated JASHSJHS IM CACKLING THIS IS SO GOOD i love the blonds shenanigans