Isak was pacing. Walking in circles in the middle of the waiting room where Even was sitting in a chair against the wall, looking amused more than anything. Isak though, Isak couldn’t relax, he just couldn’t. He was shaking, breathing slowly in an attempt to calm himself down, but he couldn’t push away his thoughts. The knowledge that a room away… god, he shouldn’t think about it too much, before he would start hyperventilating again.
He let out another shaky breath, closing his eyes as he passed the fake palm tree in the corner again, and he completely ignored the way his husband chuckled at him. Or so he tried.
How Even could be so calm right now, Isak didn’t know. It was such a huge contrast to how he himself was feeling. It almost appeared as if they weren’t there for the same reason, as if they were strangers that happened to coincidentally be sitting in the same waiting room, and for a moment it made him wonder if Even cared as much, if he was nervous at all, but that thought dissipated as soon as it had formed.
After all, he knew that wasn’t true. Even had been nervous for months, he had been dreading this day more than Isak had, but Even had grown a lot over the past half a year too and Isak had to give him credit for it. His husband had slowly gotten used to what their life would become once they would leave the hospital, gotten used to no longer being the two of them but becoming three. As the autumn weather had made the leaves on the trees change colour, so had Even.
He had spent night after night reading books about what to expect when getting a baby and how to prepare himself for the biggest change of their lives, up to the point where Isak spent days wondering if Even spent any time on anything else at all.
More often than not when Isak found his love fast asleep on the couch with the TV still on, it was a documentary or a show related to hospitals and babies that was still playing. Whenever he would visit Even at work during his break, he would always find him with his nose stuck in a book. Isak had to admit, Even had been dedicated, and maybe that was it. Maybe Even was better prepared than him, maybe he knew more about what to expect and that was the reason he didn’t feel nervous. Could that be it?
It could be the reason. Especially because Even hadn’t just been stuffing himself with knowledge. No, that hadn’t been all. He had more experience now as well.
Silje had spent so much time with them, as had Marit, and Even had been perfect with them. He had listened to whatever Ellen had told him, to whatever Eva had tried to teach him time and time again. Now he knew how to change diapers, knew how to bottle feed, knew how to hold…but so did Isak. Isak knew all that Even knew, he had even more experience with babies than his husband, so why was it that Even could be so calm while he was freaking out?
Maybe it was because Isak had wanted this for so long, from way before Even came into his life all those years ago. Maybe it was because Isak was nervous about the whole adoption thing, about the possibility of Vilde making up her mind. Although, no, that really wasn’t going to be an issue, because Vilde would stay in their child’s life anyway. She had promised.
Whatever it was, though, something was making Isak nervous. Something made it that he was pacing, ready to fling himself into the nearest bathroom to spend the rest of their time waiting by puking out his already empty stomach. He wondered whether that would really help, though. It probably wouldn’t be, but it seemed tempting.
He had just passed Even again, having made another handful of rounds lost in thought, when a hand around his wrist tugged him back. He stumbled, would have fallen too had it not been for Even’s arms that caught him on his way down.
Isak yelped as he fell, but instead of hitting the floor, he found himself falling sideways on Even’s lap. His husband circled his arms around Isak’s waist to keep them both stable, and he chuckled when Isak grabbed onto his shoulders for support.
It took a few seconds for Isak’s breathing to go back to norml, and when it did he hit Even’s arm, “fuck, way to scare me, Even.” His husband laughed again, pressing his thumb to Isak’s lips, “language, babe. We’re about to become parents.” His smile was soft and loving, and it caught Isak off guard a little, his heart jumping in his chest.
As Even moved his thumb upwards to press against the space between his eyes, he hummed a quiet, “calm down, you’re fine,” and Isak finally felt some of the tension between his shoulder blades fade away. He slumped a little, feeling Even was holding him up, and he tried to keep his pout at bay, “it’s just taking so long? Why is it taking so long? Is something wrong?”
Vilde had called them about four hours ago saying she was in labour. She had cursed her way through a contraction on the phone while Isak had already started rushing around to pack their stuff, and the conversation had ended with a threat that she would kill them if they wouldn’t get there in time. A valid threat.
“Isak, the fact that it’s taking a while doesn’t mean things are wrong. Did you know the average time for labour is ten to twelve hours? When Vilde called she was already dilated to 5cm right? That means she was about halfway. Considering it takes about one hour to add another cm that means we might be here another hour before she even gets around to pushing,” Even summed up, using his knowledge from the books, and Isak felt kind of dumb not knowing this stuff. He should have done more, should have been right besides Even as he read and studied.
“Oh,” Isak said, his shoulders slumping even further. It was good though, at least now he knew not to worry so much. “Couldn’t you have told me that like an hour ago?” Isak commented then, managing to sound a little grumpy, and Even rubbed his back and chuckled while he leaned in to kiss him.
Isak let him press their lips together without complaining any more. He let himself be kissed until he couldn’t tell whether his heart was beating loudly because of the nerves or because of Even’s lips, and that helped some.
Even’s fingers were on his lower back, disappearing underneath his shirt, and it was a good thing that they were alone there in that waiting room, or else someone would have seen Even suck a bruise into the skin of Isak’s neck. They would have seen the way Isak keened, pressing closer to his husband almost begging for more.
It wouldn’t be the first time they did something in a public place. Isak clearly remembered the bathroom of that kaffebreneriet during pride, years ago, back when their relationship had been so meaningless still. But that had been a random day, not the day their child would be born. It kind of felt inappropriate to be taking it that far on a day like this.
At the same time though, he thought, as Even’s breath against his skin caused goose bumps to rise on his arms, this would probably be the last chance they’d get for something like that in quite some time.
“Want to find a deserted bathroom?” Even managed to read his mind, his hand dipping lower to cup Isak’s ass, and Isak was so ready to whine and give in, was already letting his fingers tug on Even’s hair, but then the fleeting thought of them not being in this room when someone would come out to get them was what pricked through the haze in his mind, and he pulled his hand back like he had been burnt.
“No matter how tempting that sounds, we should probably stay here,” he sighed as he kissed his husband again, a softer kiss to extinguish the fire that had started in his bones, and Even sighed against him in return because he knew Isak was right.
Even’s hand didn’t leave his back however, his fingers kept tickling his skin, but things were less urgent and so Isak dropped his head to Even’s neck. Almost instantly there were lips pressed to his forehead, leaving tiny kisses from time to time, and Isak found himself getting lost in thought again.
“How come you’re not nervous?” Isak mumbled against Even’s neck, sounding slightly disappointed. He was being completely serious, yet it made Even laugh for a moment, the sound fleeting as it died out quickly. For a second Isak thought he wasn’t going to get an answer, but then he felt Even’s nimble fingers tip up his chin so that he’d look at him. It wasn’t until he did that Even answered him, and Isak was really happy he got to see the smile his husband gave him when he said the words, “’cause I’ve got you with me.“
As if that should explain everything, as if that was a valid reason not to be worried, but Isak understood. He understood very well.
Isak had fallen asleep. He felt so stupid, realising how he had dozed off against Even’s chest, when he eventually woke up to Even saying his name. "Isak, wake up,” the voice in his ear told him, and for the first two seconds Isak wanted to groan and beg for just five more minutes, but then he remembered where they were.
His back hurt when he shot up and he hissed in pain, but that pain was quickly forgotten when he saw a nurse standing just a few feet away from them. She was smiling, probably amused by Isak’s behaviour, and when she saw he had noticed her she repeated what she had apparently said, “congratulations. Miss Mohn has requested you to come see your baby. You can follow me now."
Isak stood up quickly, feeling how his hand had been tangled with Even’s, and so he waited for his husband to get up as well. "Oh god,” he breathed out as they followed the nurse down the hallway, hands still tightly clasped between their bodies, “this is it. This is really it."
Even only nodded, having turned quieter as they had walked, and Isak wondered if finally the nerves had caught up with him. After all, this was truly it. This would be their first time meeting their child, the tiny human being they would be bringing up into this world. This was the moment their lives would really change, right now.
The nurse stopped at a door, her hand on the handle, ready to open it for them, and that was when Isak’s mind really went holy-shit-oh-god-it’s-happening-jesus-fuck-oh-my-god-thisisit!
Vilde was on the bed, looking dishevelled and tired, but with the biggest and most loving smile on her face as she watched the bundle of blankets in her arms. They watched it from the doorway, and it almost felt like they were sneaking a glance into someone else’s life. It was exactly the way Isak felt. Because there they were, Vilde and Eva with the baby, and Isak and Even were about to step into that baby’s life. Nothing but a real life threshold was between them now, and all it took was one final step for everything to change.
Isak was aware of that as he walked in first, tugging Even along by his hand, and it was almost funny how their roles had completely changed now. Now it was Even who was overcome with nerves, shock and possibly fear, while all Isak wanted was to hold their baby.
"Hi, most perfect baby girl, you look so wonderful,” Vilde cooed at the blankets, dipping her nose in to press it against the baby’s face, and Isak paused. He paused in the middle of the room, with Even right behind him, both of their hands clam as they held on to each other even tighter than before. Isak paused because it felt surreal, because it didn’t feel like this was actually reality, but this was really Vilde in that bed, holding their baby girl, and knowing this was the moment where they’d get to see her, it froze Isak.
“Look, your dads are here to see you. Say hello, cutie,” Vilde said as she noticed her two friends standing there. She raised her eyebrows and gave Isak a reassuring look, trying to get him to come closer, and Isak felt how the spell broke as Vilde turned her arms just enough to reveal two tiny pink hands with even tinier pink fingers.
The sight made him let go of Even’s hand and he carefully stepped forward. It was only a single step before he stopped, his legs feeling too much like jelly. It felt as if they were about to collapse underneath him, but he noticed in time and locked them to keep that from happening.
“Hello,” he said quietly as he inched forward, getting close enough so that he could look at the girl’s face, and when he finally saw her, his breath stopped. He swore he actually stopped breathing, he couldn’t feel anything anymore, at all. His fingers tingled as he lost the ability to move, lost whatever ability his body used to have. It didn’t matter anyway, because the world stopped for him. All sound around him faded away, any people other than the tiny person in front of him ceased to exist, and Isak fell in love then and there.
It felt almost like betrayal, falling in love with her while his lover was right there in the room - oh, Even -but Isak couldn’t think about him now. All he saw, all he heard and felt, was linked to the girl in Vilde’s arms.
She looked like him, it startled him to realise that, but she did. She had his mouth, that same curve in his upper lip that he had hated when he was younger, those lips that Even loved so much. She had a smaller nose though, and when she opened her eyes Isak saw they were a piercing blue, but she was unmistakably his, not Even’s. He wondered whether Even would be sad about that, but it was only for a moment, because then the little girl let out a sound that melted him so quickly that he had to hold on to the bed in order to keep himself from falling down on the ground.
He stepped closer and sat down on the edge of the bed to give himself some support, and Vilde moved her daughter closer to him so he could look at her. For a minute no one talked, everyone just watched the perfect little miracle that had brought them together in that room in the first place, and then Vilde broke the silence, asking them, “have you decided on a name?"
She looked up at Even, who was still standing in the middle of the room simply watching them. Isak however, Isak had brought up a finger to touch the girl’s hand, to which the girl had responded by opening up her palm and wrapping her tiny wrinkly fingers around his index finger. She was holding on to him, her eyes squeezed shut, and Isak felt yet again overwhelmed by how small she was.
From the other side of the room Isak heard his husband say, "Julia. Her name is Julia.” Hi Julia, is it strange to say I love you already when I’ve only just seen you? Because I do. I love you.
Isak sat there unmoving while Vilde pressed her lips to Julia’s head and told the baby, “ah, hello little Julia,” before she sat up again and stretched out her arms towards Isak, “here, hold your daughter, Isak."
Words Isak had so longed to hear, words that made him feel like finally he had broken the surface after hours of hours of swimming in the dark depths of the sea that was his subconscious. He sucked the fresh air into his lungs and the oxygen helped him move him arms, made it he could take a hold of the tiny girl. He had learnt how to do this at the training he had been to with Even, knew to put one hand underneath her tiny head and neck as he picked her up from Vilde’s arms.
With trembling fingers and some help from Vilde, he settled Julia in his arms, holding her protectively and bringing her up as close to him as possible, and just by watching her up close like that, he felt his nose was getting runny and his eyes were watering, even though he didn’t want them to. He had expected to cry when first seeing her, he really had, but now that the moment was there all he wanted was to see her, and tears wouldn’t allow him to.
"Even,” Isak said, the emotions having hit his voice now too, “Even, come here.” He briefly looked up at his husband, but only briefly, because he couldn’t really tear his eyes away from Julia. Apparently though, seeing Isak was enough for Even to break out of his own daze, and his legs almost seemed to give, but Even straightened himself again and slowly found his way to the bed. He sat down with Isak, right next to him at Vilde’s side, and Isak changed the way he was seated so that Even could see their daughter too.
“Julia, meet dad number two,” Isak whispered as he introduced them, but he didn’t hand her over yet. He knew how Even was scared of this, of holding her, more than anything, and maybe forcing him to hold her already would be too much for now.
Even hooked his chin over Isak’s shoulder so he could see better, and that was how Isak heard him gasp and hold his breath as he experienced his own first time meeting her, reacting much the same way as Isak had, and then it was quiet for a bit, but Isak let it be. He gave Even the time he needed, knowing that eventually he would feel the puff of air against his neck signalling Even had stared breathing again, he’d feel Even slump down against him just a little more, and when that came, it was accompanied by words.
“She looks just like you,” Even whispered into his ear, making Isak smile and let out a choked sound when he answered, “I know.” Soft lips pressed against his shoulder, and just a second later Even brought up his hand to softly caress their daughter’s cheek. It was such a beautiful moment, both of them absorbed in their own little world while sitting on the side of Vilde’s bed, that Isak was sure that nothing, absolutely nothing, could make him forget this. Ever.
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