The Mumsie!

A mom-to-be to my baby Luke. :)

[afadthatlastsforever]

Once someone has let you go emotionally, it’s over, no matter how tightly or desperately you commit to hang on. Better to release yourself from the relationship with your dignity intact, than fight a losing battle and risk lasting damage to your heart.

Beau Taplin • W i t h  D i g n i t y   (via quotethat)

Puh

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The Waiting Game: The Last Minute

V and I (and the rest of the family) were excited to meet Luke. As my due date was getting closer day by day, it seemed that time was ticking a lot slower. Everyday, I would blabber how much I wanted to give birth already b/c I was tired of the waiting game and to be honest, my body was dead tired too. Everyone was asking about the progress of my contractions and if I was experiencing any other symptoms that would give us a hint that I might give birth anytime soon.

But no, I felt none except those mild cramps down there. Milder than mild, actually. Cramps that didn’t even made me cringe. Sometimes, I didn’t even feel them unless I meditate or I’m in a room full of silence. Lol.

Jan. 14, 2016 (due date) I had my check up in a private birthing clinic. Still no progress. I was told to double my exercise like dancing and walking because my baby was still a bit “far” and that he really needed to go “down”.

A week before this day, I was even advised to take a supplement to ripen my cervix. I read online reviews from other women that this helped them a lot but sad to say, it did not help me. I walked two times daily, morning and afternoon. I walked the longer distance. We did everything.

Jan. 18, 2016 V and I decided to visit my doctor. Since he wasn’t available by the time I came to his clinic, I went straight to another doctor to have my check up.

I told her about my case and she asked a few questions. Upon ultrasound, my bag of water was below normal level which was alarming. My baby inside was already weighing approximately 7 lbs and my matress had already calcified. Her advice? I need to undergo CS since this is an emergency case. I asked the possibility of delivering a natural birth or something that could save me from delivering via CS, but no, for her it was no longer possible. I walked out of her clinic shaking and in tears. I texted V the discussion I had with the OB. His officemates knew this OB and prompted him that this OB “loves” to assist birth via CS for increased money gain. So I went home thinking that I might still have a chance of delivering my cherub via ND.

On that same afternoon, V went home too. He told his family and we all went to my doctor. This time, he’s in! He checked my tummy and I showed him my utz result. In my head, I was chanting, “Not CS please” like a spell and it worked! He told me I needed to be admitted NOW because the baby had to be delivered and he’ll attempt to induce me since I didn’t experience any contractions at all. As our conversation went on, he further explained that CS is unneccessary at this phase b/c it is not yet too critical and plus, I’m way too young to have a scar. Imagine my face when he was telling me all these! He gave me instructions and an admission paper and I rushed off of his clinic with a happy heart! I was still blessed, and I knew that I’d only be counting hours because any soon, I’ll be cuddling my son on my arms.

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My 3rd Sonogram: It's a boy!

Last September, I had my ultrasound done but my angel’s gender wasn’t identified even though I was already 20+ weeks so I had to wait until my next ultrasound. With our high-end technology today, gender can already be distinguished as early as 3 months! How cool is that?

Just this month, I had my ultrasound in a private clinic which is just a couple blocks away from our street. I was praying and wishing that this would finally give us feeling of euphoria as expectant parents. And it did! The staffs were really accomodating and everything just went so well. The facilities too are excellent and the whole place is not congested (I hate crowded places). It’s like a mini hospital yet with complete facilities for labor and delivery. As we waited for the doctor to arrive (we were 30 mins early), I spent time observing and examining their clinic and service flow. So far, there was nothing to complain about.

So uhm, the best part was still waiting. When it was already our turn for the procedure, I suddenly boosted my energy. I tried to act with my normal self but in my mind, I was sashaying and humming like those princesses in the Disney movies. We greeted the doctor and she started cracking conversation and we were all talking until the end of the procedure. Her monitor was a bit small that we had to pay extra attention to what she was telling us so we could at least appreciate those white lines and blotches in the screen.

It’s a boy!

Aha! Finally! Imagine my joy when she told us that it’s a boy as she pointed at his scrotum. *u* I wasn’t able to picture it at first but after so much flapping of my eyes, I began to appreciate his balls and it was sort of huge. Haha! All thanks to his position in my tummy. I couln’t hide my smile, I was proud of my baby. Our son. We’ll be having a son! Even though we predicted it’s a boy based on the signs and on the old wive’s tales (we even have a name for him), it was still a big revelation for us. I couldn’t contain my happiness that after we went home (and V went back to his work), I always looked at his ultrasound result still with so much amazement. Apart from his gender, his biometries were alll normal. Thank you Jesus! He's 29+ weeks and we'll be expecting him by January next year. V and I were so happy that even up to this day, he would tease him how big his scrotum. Haaa!

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My second Fetal Ultrasound

September 05, 2015

We (Van and me) went to one of the reputable private hospitasl in the city to have my second 2d ultrasound done. I was originally planning to have a CAS (Congenital Anomaly Scan) since I was already 20+ weeks but to my dismay, it seemed that CAS is not yet available here in the city we live in. CAS can be done to pregnant women with AOG of 20 weeks to 26 weeks. Though it is not a mandatory procedure that every pregnant woman must undergo, it gives superb details on your baby’s physiological growth and detects any defects or anomalies especially when the course of pregnancy is not sailing smoothly. It scans every body parts and it takes a bit longer than the usual sonogram. Knowing that I experienced spotting during my first trimester, I was worried if the baby inside is doing just fine and it came up to me that I should have a CAS so early interventions could be planned.

When it was my turn for ultrasound, it was not as euphoric as I pictured it to be. Silence reigned the room most of the time and there was a minimal interaction between us and the doctor. She didn’t even mind to explain what we were looking at in the monitor so I wasn’t sure what we were really seeing. I tried to break the silence but it seemed that she was uninterested to even bother look at me. It was bad. It sucked. I remembered my first ultrasound where I was so giddy as my doctor was patiently trying to explain what were those tiny sticks moving as if it was trying to swim. This made me realized even more how she really sucked at her job. AND HOW THAT MOMENT REALLY SUCKED. Sorry for the term but this wasn’t we paid for. She acted as if she’s the most unlucky person in the galaxy. I even brought Van along with me because it’s supposed to be a happy experience for us as soon-to-be parents and I wanted him to feel what I felt the first time I saw our angel. Right after the procedure, I shared my thoughts to him and I was not surprised when he shared the same sentiments too.

After minutes of waiting, results were out and we’re glad to know that our angel was 5+ mos. and was doing great inside my womb. Still, God is good. :)

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My First Health Center Prenatal Visit

07-13-15

I live in a city where prenatal check ups and other minor health services are provided freely in the baranggay health centers. A prenatal check up may include free vaccine shots and referral for free laboratory testing. Some women, if their pregnancy has no known complications, can even deliver in thier birthing centers/centers with low cost (especially if you have a health insurance). Though we plan to have my delivery in a hospital or a private clinic, I want to avail the vaccine shots

So I went to the nearest one for my first HC prenatal check up. Hehe. There were other women too, mostly with babies already, so I had to wait for my turn to be called. It was a very bubbly day for me, seeing a lot of first time mothers in the room made me wonder how would I be as a mother soon. As my turn was called, I registered my name first since I have no record (of course, it’s my first time) by filling out a paper given to me. I was assisted by a Brgy Health Worker (BHW) who was very accomodating and we immediately proceeded to assessment. She weighed me and checked my blood pressure. She asked some infos about my baby bump so she could fill some important details in my record and will be then forwarded to the nurse who was in her office. Now here comes my great disappointment. Under PR (pulse pressure) and RR (respiratory rate), I saw that she wrote some values indicating my own PR and RR. I looked at it again thinking that I was just reading it wrong, but no. She clearly didn’t get my RR and PR but in my record, I had them and they’re all within normal range. Wow! It got me sort of offended. I don’t know if I had the right to feel that way but during my duty years when assigned in health centers, I never attempted to do the same knowing that vital signs are the baseline of our health status. Then I saw this long bond paper beside her glued to her table with normal values of each and every vital signs! I shook my head knowing that not all people are taking thier jobs seriously. It was not really a big deal for me, or maybe it was. The thing was, she was all doing it right in front of me. -__-

The BHW then gave me a mother book (Yehey!) and ushered me to the nurse’s office minutes after. Since my bump was 16 weeks at that time, no palpations were done. I was prescribed with some multivitamins, required to do some tests, and was instructed to return by the end of August to have my 2nd check up and my 1st TT shot. :)

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First Prenatal Check-up: 07/01/15

My first ever fetal ultrasound at 13 weeks and 1 day based on the average ultrasound age.

I had it done in a small OB-GYN clinic but I wasn’t confident with my OB-GYN’s competency. She tend to forget things that I had to remind her what I just complained earlier (e.g., my physical symptoms and illness). She also did not thoroughly discussed how my baby was doing or if there’s something more I need to know (or to be reassured)… Or was I being too anxious? Plus, her prescribed prenatal vits and supplement were not available at any pharmacies or drugstores around the city and they can only be bought in a hospital where she’s connected to. Which means, they must be too pricey! So of course, I ended up hunting other brands and vowed to never return again. Even some of her recommended supplements weren’t really that “neccessary” to take if you’re only familiar about nutrients and which food groups they can be found. She wasn’t therapeutic, too. There was this gap between us that I wanted to end the conversation right away b/c she’s making me feel really unworthy of my pregnancy.

The whole experience wasn’t that satisfying. I decided to change my OB-GYN hoping I’ll find “the one”. If you’re having the same experience, being uncomfortable with your OB-GYN, don’t hesitate to tell your partner and families. They might know someone they can highly recommend. Pregnancy must be a wonderful journey, start making it wonderful by finding an OB-GYN you can build your trust with!

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21 and pregnant.

I am in my age where desires and selfishness are at thier highest point. I am on a stage where fulfilling of my own dreams, both big and small, is supposed to be my greatest aim and currently should be on the process. I finished school with a BSN degree (2014) and passed the board exam (2015) right after then. I worked as a volunteer nurse and had trainings whenever they're conducted. All went according to how they were planned. I was definitely experiencing "the good time" in my life. Everything was on track and I had nothing major to worry about.

I’m 21 and pregnant. Everything in my life has now been put on hold and some of them, sad to say, are forever gone. There have been drastic adjustments and I have to compensate and let go of the things which I think I can no longer do and ATTAIN. It was hard, but I stood strong. For 2 consecutive months, I experienced spotting but I just brushed it off on the first month. Knowing that I am a heavy bleeder, I knew deep inside something's wrong when spotting hit me again a month after. But still, I shrudded it off.

Fast forward, It did not take me too long to accept the pregnancy. Prayers helped me get through and God is still good! Van, the ever loving boyfriend, my fiancee and my husband-to-be, showed no signs of reluctancy or trace of fear when he got informed. Maybe he trembled (a very normal reaction) but I'm thankful how we stood on the same side - to carry on the pregnancy. Though there were emotional arguments, somehow our conversation regarding such matter went smoothly. Since there's acceptance from the both of us, we immediately made plans.

First Ultrasound (07/01/2015)

My pregnancy was not actually confirmed until I went to my first check up. I was surprised knowing that I was already on my 13 weeks! But I felt giddy and got teary-eyed the moment I saw my little one being so hyperactive! The baby was moving all his limbs like he wanted to tell me something . I then closed my eyes and whisphered, "Baby hold tight ha, me and your dad will take care of everything. Basta kapit lang jud." Seeing him inside me made me a lot stronger, it took away all my doubts and from that moment, I knew I was sure of what I was saying. With all that I can, no harm shall ever get to my little one. I wished Van was there, he'd be a lot more emotional.

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It's been a while, I guess? A lot of things have happened. A LOT.. and I hope to blog every single and important event in my life lately. More posts to follow** 😎

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God, if ever.

If ever I lose my faith

If ever I get lost in the desert

If ever I wander in a dark place

If ever I question your power

If ever I dwell on my mere  strength

If ever I am too weary to pray

I need You to enlighten me at my worst and remind me of Your greatness. I need You to fight for me because I am weak on my own.

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SUSTAINED BY GRACE

I can never thank enough my Most High up above for everything who has always remained faithful to His promise. I can only repay Him with great obedience, staying enthused to my sole purpose. A love that is not world-based, but on grace, this is just true love from my Father. And as long as He is in the throne, I am forever under His care. <3

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Received these lovely books today! Thank you! <3

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JANUARY 23, 2014

At long last, the wait is over. There were many moments of mixed emotions due to the increasing anxiety as the release date of result was fast approaching! But, in the very end, GOD HAS REMAINED SO FAITHFUL TO HIS OBEDIENT AND WILLING CHILDREN.

This day marks the beginning of my endeavor as Your Registered Nurse. I was immediately dumbfounded and humbled at the same time when I saw my name on the list. The funny part was, I flickered a million times... just to absorb the reality that from this moment on, I am without doubt, Your RN. n_________n Prayers are answered and cries are heard! I am in awe, not because of what I did but of what You did especially during those moments when I almost got eaten by my unconstrained fears. *Forgive me for being a child with little faith. U________U

In Your eyes, I am able and perfect for this role and will always be grateful for this privilege to serve Your people. No I won't stop praying, I'll pray harder and even more steadfast. May I repay you with my immense faith and trust in Your plans. You deserve all the praises, Lord, thank you. Your unfailing love gives me strength and for this I am all Yours. Use me.

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The Daily Spiritual Journey

I fervently prayed for this (Our Daily Bread 2015), God answered. n______________n

This is a book that purposely imparts daily reflections and insights about God and on how we can blossom our relationship with Him. This requires, of course, to be read everyday, anytime of the day depending on your own preference. It provides one page for each day up to the very last day of this year! Every page presents one biblical verse at the center top with an article or more like a story which is the highlight of our reading (maximum of 150 words, I guess) to reflect on and understand more what the verse is trying to deliver. Every page too has enough space on the side divided into small sections where we can scribble our own notes!  At the bottom, each page contains a beautiful, short poem or sayings that can really inspire our souls. It would also be a lot more wonderful journey when you have a bible as its companion. ^____________^

As Christian, I have this strong feeling of reaching out to Him. I have these eyes that are so passionate when it comes to reading novels and other forms of fascinating literature and so I want to use them too in a way that I will know Him and His ways better.

This is originally produced by RBC Ministries and someone was able to grab one for me. Soooooooo happy and grateful to him! <3

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JANUARY VERSE

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 NIV

May I always be reminded how weak I am on my own. May I always be reminded that there is nothing in this world I could overcome if not because of Your divine assistance. Father, may I always be reminded of my sole purpose too - to serve your people in any way possible - so that in my daily battle in life, I may always give my best to show You how sincere I am in honoring you and most importantly, spreading your kindness and mercy to others. When life gets weary, when everything seems to be going nowhere, may you lend me your full strength for me to keep going. When people and all those surround me give up on me, remind me that my Father in heaven has put His whole trust in me from the very beginning that I can accomplish all things and eventually will be victorious! When my doubts begin to cloud my judgement and my confidence in my abilities, remind me how I am fearfully made and considered as your masterpiece because I am loved and I am Yours.  When my failures and my tragic experiences from the past hinder me to grow and to see the better things in store for me, remind me who is the brilliant author of my life who sees the future and beyond. I have given my all and all of my strength came from You alone.

Thank you Lord. For without doubt, I declare in Jesus name, I am now your RN. All praise to You my GOD!

[daughter-of-blood-and-starlight]

[abookblog]

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Last book I read: Attachments by Rainbow Rowell. <3