i hope i'm up to some good.

23. college dropout in San Francisco. spend a lot of time watching TV shows and movies. used to write a lot. used to spend a lot of time seeking good music. now searching for purpose of life and is as confused as the next person. “She locked away a secret, deep inside herself, something she once knew to be true… but chose to forget.”

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blueberry buttercream cupcakes

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what would you do if you could rule the world?

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so, after 4 nights in the hospital, it turned out that they still couldn't find what caused the early symptoms of my sickness. the second MRI and angiogram showed that the spot in my brain was a bleeding. but still, it wasn't a cause.

after they drilled into my leg to get to the artery, they inserted a small tube up to my neck - again, from my leg - to inject contrast dye to the vessels in my brain. they found out that the bleeding has stopped. which is good. what caused the leak was a bunch of small veins, which makes it non-threatening. i did a little research on it, something called 'venous anomaly' and it says that statistically, one out of fifty people has this condition and they live a full-healthy life without knowing it. it doesn't cause harm, it doesn't require treatment. the only way they could detect this is either by chance; a brain scan from other conditions, or through an autopsy after their death.

i was out of the hospital not two days, and had to go right back because my skin showed drug allergies. it could have been from the iodine contrast that was injected during the angiogram, or it could be any medication prescribed to me to take at home.

but now everything is getting better. the symptoms seem to have calmed down. headache, dizziness, and nausea are gone. rashes are visibly getting better. the only other thing left is the pain from the hole in my leg. first day back at work today, but i arrived late and leaving early. with my dad's permission.

also, on a different note, my bedroom is almost finished. the new bed is coming in tomorrow morning, the closet door is being installed in two days. they moved in the couch and installed the blinds today so my day is getting better by the minute.

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spending the second night in the hospital. I came in with a massive headache, dizziness, and vomiting. the doctors haven't been able to find out what is wrong yet. I got an MRI because they suspected a brain tumor, but it wasn't likely. this morning, I got called down for the results and it turned out there's some abnormalities in the in the back of my brain, on the right side. it's not what caused my bipolar, yet they're uncertain as to what these are. they ordered another MRI tonight to scan the veins in that area. four possibilities are: tumor, a bundle of veins, plaque, and dead brain cells. each one has a different treatment, depending on how severe it turns out to be. right now I'm lying in the hospital bed alone, because my parents went home to gather some stuff for tonight's stay. poor mom has to spend another night with me here. the couch is far from comfortable and yet she refused to leave me alone. the headache and dizziness still comes and goes. but the vomiting has subsided. so now I'm feeling much better than I have been in the past week. yes, a whole week.. we decided to wait it out.

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view from the room we're staying in. this is one of the best (and most expensive) vacation I've ever been on. it's not a 5-star downtown hotel, but it is nice, wild, well reserved, well maintenance resort located partly in the mountains, with its own beach. needless to say it cost us a fortune but everything here is worth it. this is my first time in Krabi, and it will be remembered well.

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krabi, thailand

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next to my bed are..

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pure imagination

sometimes, my imagination takes me far, far away. sometimes, it keeps me to myself. i imagine everyone around me being able to read my mind, and it scares me enough to make me stop thinking overall. although i know it is all just pure imagination, but i also know that my thoughts aren't always pure.

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my dining room, back before the house got renovated. it's still being renovated..

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