As the Gavel Falls

True stories from a court office

[clerkofrecords]

Individual requested a protection order. Order was granted. Before it was even served, individual came back and filed to drop the order. Judge sets it for hearing - he won't drop a signed protection order without a hearing on why.

At the hearing today, it's revealed the individual lied on the sworn Petition and Affidavit to Obtain a Domestic Abuse Protection Order.

Normally protection orders have the filing fee waived. Not this one. The order was dropped and the individual who requested it has to pay the filing fee.

[clerkofrecords]

Before you come to court, remember:

*Take a shower

*Put on deodorant

*Brush your tooth/teeth

*Wear clean clothes

*DO NOT GET HIGH!!!

[clerkofrecords]

If you want to stop getting jury summons for a county where you no longer live, follow these two steps:

1. Update your driver's license.

2. Update your voter registration.

If you want to get out of jury duty for the rest of your life:

Commit a felony, or series of felonies, that will land you in prison for the rest of your life.

[clerkofrecords]

Drew up a new jury pool.

One of the names provided by the DMV/Voter Registration had their mailing address at the nearby prison.

And the name was not the warden.

[clerkofrecords]

Deputy County Attorney has been prosecuting a case. This morning, the case was set for jury trial in two weeks. This afternoon, the Deputy returned to court and let the judge know, his boss, the County Attorney, finally looked at the files and realized he has a conflict on the case. Several months after beginning prosecution and two weeks before empanelling a jury, we now need a Special Prosecutor.

[clerkofrecords]

Apartment maintenance calls police because a toddler was witnessed in an apartment where the pot fumes were strong enough to give the maintenance man a headache. In the officer's affidavit of arrest this exchange occurred:

Officer: I can smell the marijuana. Where is it?

Apartment residents: We don't have any pot. You smell our air freshener.

[clerkofrecords]

Do people really not know that jury duty rarely is only for one trial or only one day?

My first experience with jury duty: I had to call in every night for a week to see if I was needed the next day. And these people think it's unreasonable to be asked to come in once every two or three months.

[clerkofrecords]

Potential Juror calls: Do I still need to report in tomorrow?

Me: Yes, we still need you to come in the morning.

PJ (whines for humor): But I don't wanna...

Me: At least you're honest.

PJ: It's calving season.

[clerkofrecords]

Inmate in county jail assaulted a corrections officer because he wasn't allowed to attend church on Sunday.

[clerkofrecords]

Passport applicant was trying to confirm his divorce date for the application. Says his ex-wife remarried about 8 years after the divorce and was now deceased. But he couldn't find the decree. We look it up...

The divorce was dismissed by the judge without ever being finalized.