Clever Name Goes Here

Go looking for pain and you'll find it -her words

[clever-name-goes-here]

For it has been a long time..

Forgive me, father...Ya'll, it's been something. The last couple months, that is. This Friday we leave on a week long cruise. We being my wife, her three kids, and her entire family. On a Carnival Cruise, eww. Now what you're saying to yourself is, "I know this man who used to whine about being broke and lonely isn't whining about a week long vacation with his beautiful, younger wife and step kids?" He is, I am. I'd rather stay home, alas I cannot, so I'll whine until we depart on the 26th.

Work has, well it's not been good actually. We lost money in April and May. Two loser months after many, many highly profitable was a real blow to the ego. Back on track for better this June, but it means I'm working harder than I'd care to at my advanced age.

I have very much blown thru much of my savings since I met A. This is not a reflection on her. It's on me. Concerts and trips, trips and ball games. The finest of cars and such. Living like there is more to be had around the corner. There is...as long as my company keeps growing. That wasn't the case in Q2. Very much must be in Q3.

Lastly, let me again say my oldest stepson is the dumbest kid on the planet. I want him out of my house. He might make it to graduation in a year. Not if he keeps making self harm threats online and the FBI has cops show up at my house again! Kids, take your meds, listen to your parents, eat a balanced meal. You don't need attention, you needs wins. Oh and take your meds, did I mention that one? Don't skip them for three days while at your loser dad's house. I'm sorry that asshat didn't take you to Summerfest, cry about it, complain about it, say he let you down, cause he did. "Get it out!" In a journal, like this one. Not on a fucking Fortnite message board.

[clever-name-goes-here]

I was on a boat that day…

My in-laws like to vacation as a family. There are 10 of them in total. My wife, her three kids, her brother with his spouse and their two kids, plus Nana & grandpa. They were going to do a week in the Smokey Mountains thru 4th of July. I was, very begrudgingly, flying to join them on the 2nd and drive back with my portion of family. Well… allegedly the Airbnb was sold and reservations cancelled. So gears have been switched and we are now taking a Carnival cruise. I much prefer this over a big house in TN. Nana paid for the rooms (inside and bare bones). Very generous of her actually, but I will actively seek to upgrade. I was able to use air miles to book all five of us non-stop from Chicago. Pretty pleased about it. Should be fun and I don’t have much to whine about. Just getting it out I guess…

[clever-name-goes-here]

Going Grey

We are back from vacation. Clearwater Beach, if you were wondering. Where I pretty much go every year. Hell twice a year. Doubles as a chance to visit my largest client. Anyway, it was a nice time. Beach, amusement park, ice cream, grouper sandwiches. All wonderful. Had a talk with my oldest stepson while away. He the pain in his mother's ass, therefore also in mine. Thought I had him on the right path. Then we come back, he, "borrows" my car and drives around half the night with some girl we don't know. Now, on one hand I did similar at his age. Hell, I got a girl pregnant at his age! On the other, it's my fucking car and I can't have this stress in my house and effecting my new bride. Also, on the third hand, there are two other children in this house that need and deserve attention too. He's just so stupid. I know I have to stop saying this, but it's true. He is literally the dumbest person I know, and ya'll I know a LOT OF PEOPLE. Pretty sure he'll be kicked out at 18, (Sept. 4th).

[clever-name-goes-here]

Ok, but..

It’s nice to walk in the door at work and be busy off the jump. I did plan to pay some bills and car shop for my son in law, I mean step son, but yeah let’s make some money rather than spend it.

[clever-name-goes-here]

First time, Long time

Greetings and salutations. It's been a minute. That's because I haven't felt like I had a lot to share. I'll be real with you (me). Very few come to Tumblr to write about how their world is going swimmingly. How they are literally happier than they've ever been. That's me. I'm happy. I started this blog, and the two previous versions, in the midst of a world shattering affair by my (now eX) wife. 13 years later, I have not only recovered, I've grown as a person. So who needs Tumblr?

I do.

This was my place to "Get it out'. That needs to happen more. It beats waking in the middle of the night fretting about fairly insignificant money matters and other such things. Later I'll elaborate, or I won't. Who cares, it's my space. Read it or don't, it's cool.

You know what's cooler than that? Kristen is back! What an unexpected surprise! So happy for her and her new heart. Send her love and money if you can.

Also cool, my new wife. I love her and we are a perfect match. Hence the happy thing. Peace Out.

[clever-name-goes-here]

HBU

Oh me? Just sitting in my office wasting into nothingness because systems are down and I guess so are many others across the nation? Amazon server issue? It’s all a guess on my part because our IT firm hasn’t responded to numerous calls and emails. NBC says that’s the issue…ok then.

Aside from that not a lot to say. Still married, happily. It’s a work in process. See I was married a long time and a dick. Then I was single for 6+ years and evolving. Now I’d like to be married and still evolved. That’s the challenge. She’s good about calling me on my bullshit, I like and appreciate that. Having kids around again though, man. Them fuckers are expensive. Work is slow. A little worrying so, and I need to step up my game. That’s all It got to say about that.

[clever-name-goes-here]

Did it…

Always and forever…very happy and proud.

[clever-name-goes-here]

CREAM

Dolla dolla bills y'all.

I am experiencing heart palpitations. Have been pretty regularly for the past so many days. Is it because I'm getting married in mere days..yikes! Is it because in the past 12 months I've burned thru savings account #2? Is it because living in a big house with two teenage boys and a preteen special needs girl is expensive? Is it ALL THE ABOVE?!?!?!?!

So yeah, lots going on and my anxiety, previously reserved for boarding airplanes, has taken up residency on the ground. Fortunately I do have a DR appt next week prior to flying to FL for the wedding.

Last December I bought a new sled. You know, Daughter #1 had her car stolen so I gave her mine and got this newer one. Well I've hated it almost from day one. I think I'm going to trade it in, and take a bath for it. Thing is, in the long run it makes sense. Just the immediate impact is it cleans out the aforementioned savings account.

Anyway, thanks for letting me think out loud. That's where my head is at. Think I'll pour a drink and throw some burgers on grill. Love working from home on Tuesdays.

[clever-name-goes-here]

Tap, tap

Is this thing on? Hi, hello, how are you? I pop in and peak at some of you from time to time Aside from that I've been around. Just doing me and being present. You know, the whole goal of this blog journal oh so many years ago.

I'm going to tell you a secret, I'm getting married next month. It's a secret because our families don't know the date. No one does except the two of us. I am going to FL in August, ostensibly on business. A. will come with, we will marry in Tampa and have a party in October. Trying to meet everyone's schedules, etc, it's too much. So we will do this for us.

We saw Megan Maroney in Madison in June and she was fantastic. So fun. Kenny Chesney in May as well, which was good too, but LV is too expensive for me now. Speaking of expenses, had to take money from savings to meet all my CC bills (including her wedding ring). Expecting to put it all back once we bonus ourselves out at work. My big account has roughly $110K past 60 days. That's, well that's a lot. I need it, we need it, and I expect to bonus myself $7500 once it lands. Yes, that will cover my CC bills...I think.

[clever-name-goes-here]

Full Circle

I am standing near the CLEAR kiosk at the MKE airport. I am heading to Vegas with my fiancé (first time typing that here). We are going to see Kenny Chesney at the Sphere. I am very excited, but not nearly so as A is.

He was the first country artist I found that I enjoyed back when I started listening to it in 13-14. I’ve told the story how that happened. Long week flying all over the country, three cities in four days. Thursday night Houston, TX. Blonde, big boob bartender plays “The Big Revival” from start to finish over and over. While encouraging me to drink whiskey by flashing her (bra covered) breasts. I am now hooked on both…breasts too.

So, the thing is I found county as a calming release or reminder for my failing marriage. Now 10+ years later I’m taking the love of my life to see an artist she also enjoys. Ain’t life grand!”?

[clever-name-goes-here]

This is it

Today is the day we leave for vacation. Just myself and A. No kids, grandkids, nor ex wife. (See last year’s cruise). I plan to propose on the 2nd night of our cruise. This will be the first time ever that I will vacation while unplugged from the office. EVER. Wild.

Yesterday the rest of our families met for the first time. Her parents, her brother and his family. My aunts, cousins and their kids. Was a great party and everyone gets along beautifully. Seeing my littles with her littles was so sweet. I am still adjusting to expectations and more so realization that I now answer to someone else again. Been just me, only me for 7-8 years now. I am moved into our new duplex now. She and the kids will do so in a couple weeks. Anyway, enough of that, here’s the ring, wish me luck. 💜

[clever-name-goes-here]

Eat up, buttercup

Full plate. Just back from Phoenix, I rocked it and meeting went well. Late arrival meant I stayed in Madison for the night. Holiday Inn, that ain’t it. Hi, I’m boushy (spelling?)

I need to pack like crazy tonight. Moving to the new house I’ll share with A and her kids on Tuesday…yikes! Wednesday I have a stomach procedure. Dr Kid will drive me. Saturday after that is Easter where all our families will meet each other. Then on Easter Sunday we fly to FL for our cruise.

Her ring is in. I’ll pick it up tomorrow and then go see her parents asking for their blessing. I’ll take a gift for each of them and I’ll cry, no doubt.

Paid off my cards, transferred internet and electric. Life is full and so is my heart.

[clever-name-goes-here]

FU, pay me

I enjoy paying my bills. There I said it. I know it's because for many, many years I just couldn't. Even when I made significantly more than I do now, I just couldn't balance the numbers. It was just before the pandemic that I finally got my head around it. Spend less than you earn and it will work it. Except when it doesn't. Which happens and now I have a savings. I spent a portion of that over the past few months. Helping my oldest, blessing. Buying an engagement ring, blessing. Tickets to Vegas, another blessing and so much more. I had been stressing about the CC debt I've piled up and had not sat down to do bills in two weeks or so. I try to pay my cards off in full each month. I am happy to say I'll be able to do so again in April. Blessed, no doubt. It's the not knowing that's the hardest. Once I sit down and look it over, do the math, it comes together. It actually makes me proud because back when I began on tumblr...well I had just lost my house and had a car repoed. So yeah, you've come a long way, Tiger.

[clever-name-goes-here]

Know your audience

A couple weeks back I told my eX I had dialed back our contact out of respect for my current love. This week our oldest is on a solo trip thru Guatemala and she wanted an update. We spoke on my drive in to my office, told her the little bit I knew. She then spun into how terrible she’s being treated by our child and how I’m not doing enough as in, aside from all the cheerleading and attempts at reconciliation of the two people isn’t enough, I should also be telling a grown woman this isn’t acceptable. Rather than setting boundaries she shouldn’t, “treat her mother so horribly.” I need to get angry and, I guess defend her more loudly? Umm…That’s not the position to take with the one person who has had your back in this. She got a dose of me that she hasn’t had in many years. I was hot. Thinking we won’t be speaking again anytime soon and I’m ok with that. Did I say some mean and hurtful things, yep. Did I also tell the truth, yep. She just never ever knows when to shut up. Never has, never will. I can function perfectly well without her in my life. Something 10 years ago I couldn’t have imagined.

[clever-name-goes-here]

Did a Thing today

This evening after work I walked into Rogers & Holland and bought an engagement ring for A. It’s not a huge stone, but it sparkles. Well it will, ordered a custom radiant cut diamond. It should arrive in plenty of time for our Utopia of the Seas cruise next month. Have not decided how to do the proposal, but it will come to me. Perhaps on the private island day? I still need to speak with her parents and ask for their blessing. That I’ll do sooner than later. They know it’s coming, it’s just the right thing to do.

Spoke with eX today. She asked if we are good because we haven’t been chatting as much as we used to. I said yes, of course. I just have dialed it back out of respect for A. That’s where my time and energy belong. Not with my eX and her estrangement with our oldest. She (our daughter) doesn’t want her in her life right now. I don’t love that, but it’s her right. I believe and hope, that it passes in time.

[clever-name-goes-here]

Change of scenery

I am at Disney World on, “business”. Drove over to Tampa to visit my biggest account this am. Traffic was bad, even worse on the way back. By that time, that western direction fl from earlier was even miles worse. So I am saddled up at the Cabana bar and beach club at the Dolphin hotel for the foreseeable future.

One thing, the scenery change made my constitution…looser!?!? I’m dropping deuces like I play for the LA Lakers. Good thing too, was backed up the last couple days.

There’s a trade show in the am I am supposed to attend. I will not. I’ll check out and go to Universal Studios instead. Hav to soak up the sun while I can and I didn’t, “prepay” for the show pass. The show that is down significantly in attendance. A Buddy that’s working it will send me the guest list. Winning!

[clever-name-goes-here]

That’s weird, that’s Peculiar

I’m in a headspace that I’ve been in before. It’s a sort of all is ok, but waiting for the shoe to drop type of place.

One shoe dropped this am. Racing to Madison for a haircut before office time, clocked at 87 mph in a 70. I’ll fight it, if only to lower the points. First ticket in 15 years or so?

A. and I are House shopping. Leaning toward renting for another year because Comrade Orange and his Nazi right hand are crashing the economy. I’m here for it, will be the most righteous I told you so ever. Stopped speaking to my oldest friend over his support of DOGE and their tactics. A. had a hysterectomy last week. Was necessary and a good thing. I love her, I love her kids, and I’m all in. Dr Kid is pregnant with her 2nd and wants me to try and stay 20 minutes away at most. Looking more like 30 to me so we’ll discuss tonight. That’s all I got to say about that right now.