everybody's singin along

[bimbinis]

you know a joke that never EVER gets old is when a character says smth like “I will NOT go to [place] and that is FINAL” and then it cuts to them in that place I eat that shit up every single time

[zechery-deactivated20220114]

I want a relationship that’s just like super cool friendship with like kissing

[timetraveldean]

when someone says I’m being over dramatic

[sir-scandalous-deactivated20181]

No but this is actually me with every little petty issue I have

[bumbleshark]

david: virgo, libra, sagittarius, taurus  alex: LEO, gemini, aries table: cancer, pisces, scorpio, aquarius

[cntnd]

officer: license and registration

me: *hands officer a card*

officer: this is a get out of jail free card from the game of monopoly

me: yes

officer: you got lucky this time, have a good night

[memeufacturing-deactivated20161]

[methhomework]

me as a laywer

me: so you took a shower and then you heard the gun shot

witness: yes

me as a lawyer: isn’t the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you’re forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the immonium thygocolate

witness: i’m bald

[turing-tested]

this is literally so fucking funny

[turing-tested]

[turing-tested]

im really not even mad because only LGBT people can be this funny so i know my $5 is in good, gay, hands

[farmfreshmemes]

[torracat]

there is literally nothing worse than accidentally eating a really soft grape

[fiddynun]

MAYBE EXCEPT YOU WHOLE FAMILY BEING MURDERED IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE

[torracat]

have you ever eaten a soft grape

[aristo-twat]

[unclefather]

[whitepeopletwitter]

Dry liquids.

[maplebungus-deactivated20221118]

loose, foot loose, put on your fuckin foot loose, feet, foot feet, dance on your fucking feet

[memedong]

[depresseddemise]

When you’re in the middle of sobbing and you start dissociating so you’re like “okay I’m done now” and turn into an emotionless zombie

[hivs]

cat: *meows in a distance*

my mom’s voice from the kitchen: you want a tomato, you fool? you won’t eat it

cat: *meows louder*

[memewhore]

[dethalbumll]

some days you’re just the squashed nutrigrain bar that exists at the bottom of every purse or bookbag

[biglawbear]

You’re right no matter what I look like I’m still a snack and people are always grateful when they realize I’m there thank you for the inspiration post