i've been thinking a lot about anri and mika's relationship and how it's symbiotic even though anri claims to be parasiting mika but in fact mika is also using anri. mika is portrayed as a girl who knows what she wants, she's a natural leader of the group and she strives to be different from others and attract everyone's attention and it's necessary for her to have people who are always at her back and, basically, sucking her ass and that was the reason why she helped anri when she was bullied in elementary school. it was primarily her interest to show herself as a "good, courageous girl," but in fact, mika herself didn't really care about anri, even though she dragged her along everywhere. mika and anri both use each other to cover their needs. anri allowed herself to rely on mika and used her as a pillar for her personality support and safety because all her life she was used to the lack of her own autonomy due to a traumatic childhood and dissociation as a result of all these events, for mika, anri was the one compared to whom she also stood out better than the rest of her friends("because anri is so boring and quiet but mika is such an outgoing funny and smart girl, I'd definitely choose to hang out with her" some type of shit). this communication also covered their need for an imaginary self-esteem boost, because both anri and mika thought about each other in such a way like "she's kinda weird but i'm better than her." but even so, this relationship work to their advantage because they remained happy with each other and continued this long friendship, and for mika, anri is just as important as seiji, even though mika makes seiji the "center of her life" and "puts him in priority" (because in fact she doesn't need him as much as seiji himself needs her and "her head"). but in the end, mika and anri show sincere love and affection for each other, even despite all of the points made above.
for this picture, i came up with the idea to show a comparison of their relationship with a clown fish and their use of sea anemones, since sea anemones protect these fish from predators, which in turn are poisonous and they use this place as their home. for anemones, this symbiosis is useful because fish clean them of waste and parasitic fish
also, not a representation/metaphor thing but some thoughts i consider important about shinra
as i said, it might be counterintuitive but i believe he's on aroace spectrum. celty is the only person for whom he could ever feel attraction, others are invisible for him in this context. stereotypical grayaroace experience! (at this point tbh i don't think there is any character in drrr who is not somehow aroace)
i also think he might have c-ptsd or something. because of like. his father. I don't think it needs to be explained. and in general shinra is a very anxious person, even if his anxiety is latent. he feels a need to control his surroundings and know what happens in others' mind (that's why he always tries to analyse and understand others - a simple curiosity is less important here). in early childhood he often says words that sound far too wise for a kid, maybe that's something about having to grow up early because of unstable and even dangerous family environment, the need of being more mature than his father sometimes.
shinra is an interesting example of how age regression can work. his egoism (egocentrism even) in relationship seems like he's still a little boy who doesn't want his mother figure to leave him, to have any other things to do except spending time with him, because he feels scared and alone. and like he doesn't see and doesn't keep in mind anything except his mother figure, trying to somehow get back to the newborn state of mind. it makes even more sense because shinra's actual biological mother leaved their family and I'm SURE it had a huge impact on shinra's mentality and his age regressing in relationship with celty.
i love how shinra's appearance and a character stereotype doesn't fit in what he is like, if you know him better. dare i say that he looks like a mad scientist stereotype but he is not like that at all. he's actually a very human-related person (well he doesn't care about humanity but i don't know any more accurate way to describe him). he likes to provoke and explore others' emotions and reactions, as i said he understands people very well and from drrr story-building perspective has a role of... objective describer of others? (we also have izaya who always describes other but he is not very objective and always projects himself on others, and shinra is not like that as i can recall). shinra likes deep metaphors and idioms, I'm not saying he is actual creative person, but at least he really feels the world and society deeply, including himself, he is not running from who he is and he is really open about it
i can't stop thinking about celty's story being a representation or/and it could be seen as a metaphor for a
gnc woman. she is directly and for purpose described as deceptively androgynous in the light novel. and she actually is.
trafficking victim experience. her head was the fundamental element of her identity so we can say that not just "celty's head" but celty herself was kidnapped and transported to another country. even if we don't say that, her actual body part was kidnapped and used as some illegal exotic product. this is wild when you think of it more than a few seconds
migrant experience. she had to learn how to live in japan with like zero experience in travelling and tourism in general and zero knowledge of japanese culture and language etc etc. and she fit in like. very well like she was always living in a japanese human society and never was a literal irish fairy. amazing
trauma impact in general. depression, dissociative amnesia or schizo spectrum disorders debut experience even (oh i hope you see and get it bc it's hard to explain shortly)
being physically disabled. she can't speak and uses alternative ways of communicating after all. she literally misses a part of her body, not so common like someone's hand or leg but still. it also can be about trauma (of becoming disabled) impact btw
rom-positive and sex-positive aroace. ok she's literally not a human and fell in love with some guy just because he fell in love with her and they have been through a lot together. and she knows him since he was a kid and she was some twisted kind of mother figure for him. and her feelings for him couldn't be compared to and couldn't be explained through human feelings (i don't remember the exact quote again. from ch.1 of epitome of. whatever it is.) but she reached a compromise with this guy and accepted his feelings and started to express something that seems really conventional and human-like for him. dare i say basic aroace dating experience. (also shinra is on aroace spectrum too i think he's something like grayaroace. but this will be another long story someday....)
later I'll drop one or two more parts (whether you want it or not). I'm permanently obsessed with them. so stay tuned...!
all quotes are from: Durarara! light novel by Ryohgo Narita (obviously. but. copyright thing. so. yep)
shinra's pov
it is obvious that shinra's love is egoistic and dangerous.
yes:
I’d prefer to lead a normal romantic life <...> That would be best of all
but:
I’d like for my beloved to be happy forever, too, of course, but that will always be second place for me
If I needed to <...> I would be a villain <...> it wouldn’t be for her sake exactly. It would be for my sake
In fact, it’s probably closer to a desire to own her than to love her. So if she was drifting away from me for some reason…I would do whatever it takes to keep her at my side <...>
also shinra is ready to manipulate celty's feeling of guilt to keep her
<…> maybe I’d lie and say, ‘It’s your fault I became a murderer!’ and make her feel really guilty about it. Then maybe she’ll stay with me forever
and in the end shinra basically was ready to kill a person – himself, which would make celty feel even more guilty than she already did. it actually worked, celty (after losing head again) had to turn back and help shinra. love it.
but shinra really likes celty both for her appearance and personality (this is an exact quote as i can recall). he tries as he can (even to an absurd degree) to show that he accepts every single aspect of hers, as long as she doesn't dare to leave him
If you wanted to destroy all humanity, I would turn traitor on my species and assist you! I would be happy to die in your arms as the last remaining human being
I would love you without reservation, Celty, whether you had a human head, or a cardboard head, or some amalgamation of slugs and earthworms!
in general shinra doesn't care if celty genuinely wants to be with him. what he cares about is to keep her whatever it takes
My dream is very simple. I want to continue to love the person I love forever. I want to be with her forever. That's all
celty's pov
the opposite, celty doesn't think that shinra has a pleasant personality. she accepts him too in her own way, but it's normal for her to openly criticise, judge, insult and beat him
anyway, celty still wants to be with him, even though she doesn't clearly understand why
<…> She felt both ashamed of that behavior and secretly pleased at the reminder of how much she loved him.
Honestly, I wonder…why did I fall in love with him?
just one of the reasons – celty is afraid of abandonment and being left alone (even with nonstop lovebombing by shinra).
if shinra likes to provoke celty's different emotions (because he likes all about her in general), then celty likes to provoke shinra's proof of love (because she likes to be loved)
Shinra asked, “Yumasaki, will you show me those comics later? Just the ones about the dullahan, thank you.”
“Shinra!”
“Don’t worry, Celty! It’s not like I’ll take any woman, as long as she’s a dullahan! <…>”
from another chapter, Celty's words
Also, is the insinuation here that you would take any woman without a head?
celty gets her kind of egoistic profit from being loved, because her sense of self value depends from shinra's love directly.
btw celty's favorite saying from official info:
[That person] loves me… and how precious I have become to myself
also (less dangerous than shinra but) celty tends to neglect others' (and shinra's too) will and feelings because of her own ones.
conversation between celty when she wasn't so changed yet by living among humans and kid shinra:
“I am too different from human beings. If you live with me long enough,you will dislike me.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“It’s true,” she said, trying to distance herself from him
after reconnecting with her previous identity but not losing memory celty said (about all people in tokyo but especially about shinra):
I regret that you have wasted your time being manipulated by a system that was not meant to exist in this place. It is an outcome that leaves no one happy
she rationalized it all, explained through some good deeds for others, but actually she just tried to calm and distract herself from her pain. she is kind of latent and "saint" egoist
i think we should also rate celty's actions remembering she's a dullahan. celty (after losing her head) always kept in mind that she is bad at fulfilling her dullahan duty and acting according to some greater will as she should. especially that her influence on shinra is not very good. she didn't fully forgive herself, but she learned to let herself be like that. many years ago shinra was the first comfort person for celty after she lost her identity, so she got somehow addicted to the feelings of home and love that he can bring her. for "a system" fulfilling its duty this is really egoistic
both!
but actually shinra and celty made each other better
shinra helped celty not to lose her identity again (changed by human society). earlier celty didn't just want to reconnect with her head and live like before, she didn't even just struggle between living with shinra and bringing her head back. these options weren't so opposite to celty, she just didn't completely realise how much her previous identity would affect her current life
“I’m not going to leave you just because I get my head back—”
“That might be your desire— but it might not be your head’s”
celty already started to think about not leaving shinra when he was little
“Then…if I don’t get tired of you, will you promise to stay here?”
“If that’s true, I’ll consider it.”
and in the end shinra helped celty to solve her inner conflict by severing her head and body again (changed celty decided not to reunite with her head while shinra is alive, this reunion was forced. just some greater will connected with her previous identity leaded her to leave, while changed celty was struggling)
I'd think shinra helped celty to build her own personal will above duty. this is so beautiful
and celty is like an anchor for shinra. he often notices her kind and soft personality, exalted ideals. and he likes to blend with these traits himself in front of celty. shinra's own personality was builded under strong celty's influence anyway. also, he just likes to impress her and do the things that (in his opinion) will be approved by her, will make him closer to her mentally (that's why shinra protected izaya from nakura, always helped anri, helped akane, supported kasane emotionally after rejecting her – earlier celty said him to beg forgiveness from all the girls he brutally rejected in school)
shinra still wants and loves to feel that celty accepts him, because celty became the first and only reliable, responsible close person in his life. yes, shinra did many awful things because of celty, but he did truly existing good things too. doesn't matter what motivation he had, i think the result is more important here.
