Summary: you ask clark for help with a story. you didn’t expect him to look that good in sweatpants… or to end up at 2am with your shirt half off and his glasses hanging loose on your collarbone with only one hand typing on your laptop.
You didn’t mean for tonight to turn into this. You really didn’t.
You’d come over with the intention of finishing your article. Clark had offered to help — because of course he had, always so dependable, so good, so him.
He’s let you take over his couch with all your notes, brought you a glass of water without being asked, and offered to help like it was nothing.
But now it's way past midnight, and the coffee you had early is just not working anymore with the document open and untouched.
Clark is sat across from you in a black tee and grey sweatpants with those damn glasses on, looking like a problem.
You’re trying to stay focused, but he leans back to stretch, arms over his head, shirt rising just a little — and you’re staring before you can stop yourself.
He catches you, you look away fast.
“Clark, can you look at this paragraph?” you ask, spinning your laptop around with a groan. “It sounds like a fourth grader wrote it.”
Clark chuckles from across the couch, where he’s perched, reading glasses slipping slightly down his nose. He takes the laptop from you, his fingers brushing yours.
God, how are you supposed to focus on journalism when he looks like that.
He scans the screen, thoughtful. “You’re overthinking it. Your voice is strong. Don’t soften it.”
“You always say that,” you murmur, trying not to get distracted by the way his hand looks wrapped around your keyboard. Big, careful, confident.
He glances up. “Because it’s true.” Your heart thuds.
He's too nice for his own good and ever since he started helping you out with Planet assignments and late-night edits. It’s innocent, technically. Sharing notes. Ordering takeout. Accidentally falling asleep on each other’s shoulders. But this feels different.
“You’re staring,” he says softly.
You blink and scoff slightly. “No, I’m not."
He smiles a little, not smug, just knowing. He leans over to take your laptop and brushes your fingers by accident. The moment lingers, and his thumb grazes your knuckles before it pulls away.
Shit, you’re not fine.
He continues to read the paragraph, scrolls up, and then reads again.
"Just write it down how you said it to me." He softly speaks after a moment of silence.
He looks at you, really looks at you, and it’s so annoying how warm it makes you feel. how his gaze settles on you like a blanket, heavy and safe and kind.
You want to kiss him but you don’t.
Instead, you breathe in, let it go, shake your hands out, and say, “okay. new rule. you sit here. i sit over there. and no more looking at me like you want to make out with me.”
He stops and blinks.
“i— what?”
Your body comes to a halt at what you just said.
“Shit ignore me it was meant to be a joke, and I'm tired it's almost 2-" You ramble, unable to look at him.
And then a beat.
“…do i really look at you like that?” Slowly, you glance over and are taken aback by the scene. He’s flushed, lips parted and lashes low behind those glasses.
You hate him a little by how effortlessly enticing he is.
“You’re all I think about lately,” he says simply and suddenly. “Every time you text me to help with your drafts, I drop everything.”
Your breath catches in your throat. “Why didn’t you say anything...?”
He smiles, a little bashful, but still intense. “Because I wanted to respect your space. But it’s getting hard to pretend I don’t want to kiss you every time you say my name.”
Oh.
oh
You freeze because this is the moment you’ve replayed a hundred times in your head. Except in your head, it was always a little clumsier or a little more imagined.
But now it’s real, he's real, and he's looking at you like that.
Your voice barely makes it out. “you can.”
His eyebrows lift slightly, just for a second, like he wasn’t expecting you to say it. Then the look in his eyes changes like something settles.
Like he’s already made the decision.
He doesn’t move fast. No, clark never moves fast with you.
He just shifts closer, one knee bending on the couch, so he’s fully facing you. he reaches up, carefully, like he thinks you might spook, and brushes a stray strand of hair behind your ear. His fingers trail down your jaw and stop just beneath your chin, tilting you toward him.
“Are you sure?” he asks, voice low, deeper now, unsteady in a way that makes you ache.
You nod, but he waits anyway, so you say it out loud.
“yes, clark. i want you to kiss me.” His breath stutters. and then he does.
It’s slow at first, devastatingly so, his lips are warm and plush and patient, like he wants to savour the shape of you.
You make a soft sound, unthinking, and feel his fingers curl a little tighter at your waist.
He kisses you again, deeper this time, with a quiet urgency that builds the longer he has you. Your hands find his chest, and you fist the fabric of his t-shirt just to have him.
He pulls back slightly, but his forehead stays pressed to yours. you can feel his breath against your lips.
You don’t mean to whimper, but you do. “that’s not fair,” you whisper.
He tilts his head, teasing. “what’s not?”
“you. this. the glasses. your face.”
“mm.” he leans in again, his hand slipping beneath the hem of your shirt, palm warm on your bare back. “guess we’re past fair, sweetheart.”
He kisses you again, rougher now, hungrier, and it’s all unraveling so fast, his hands everywhere, his mouth trailing down your throat.
"Can I?" He whispers, and you nod almost too quick as your hips shift, his fingers push past your panties and effortlessly slide in.
You’re breathless.
Barely sitting upright on the couch, the laptop balanced on your thighs — glowing white screen still open to the draft you’re supposed to be finishing. supposed to be.
Except now clark’s behind you, chest warm at your back, thighs bracketing yours and his voice is right at your ear.
“your intro still needs tightening,” he says gently, like he’s not knuckle-deep inside you.
You gasp when his fingers curl again, lazy, slow. The heel of his palm presses right where you need it.
“c-clark…”
“hm?” he murmurs, unfazed. “you said you wanted to finish this by tomorrow.."
You could cry. Or come. Maybe both.
His other hand is resting lightly on your laptop’s keyboard, long fingers moving with the kind of calm that makes you insane. like he’s not currently ruining you, just another tuesday night.
He scrolls a little, reads the second paragraph.
“According to city records…’” he reads aloud, then edits it with one hand. “no — take out the ‘according to.’ Just say ‘city records show.’ He whispers deeply in your ear.
You moan when his fingers press deeper.
He hums. “you okay?” You nod, frantic.
“words, sweetheart.”
“yes. i’m—i’m okay. please don’t stop.” He smiles into your shoulder and kisses it softly. Then types again.
“‘the developer failed to disclose—’” he pauses. “you need to cite this.”
“i can’t think right now,” you whisper but he presses another kiss behind your ear.
“i know,” he murmurs, grinning ever so slightly. “that’s kinda the point.” His voice is velvet. slow and sinful and so sweet. it shouldn’t be allowed.
You arch into him, whimpering again when his fingers stroke that perfect spot — slow and deliberate.
“i’ll fix your paragraph,” he whispers. “just sit pretty for me.” You collapse back against his chest, legs trembling, hips twitching with every slow push of his fingers.
He types a full sentence with one hand while the other works you open — patient, reverent, like he’s studying you.
“god, you’re making such a mess. you know that?” You bury your face in his shoulder as he keeps going.
You don’t know what he’s typing anymore. you don’t care because a few moments later, he takes the laptop, sets it gently aside, and lays you down on the couch like you’re something fragile and precious and his.
Suddenly, he’s between your legs licking your clit, warm hands on your thighs, eyes shining behind fogged-up lenses.
“you’ve been so good,” he murmurs. “let me take care of you.” And when his mouth replaces his fingers, slow, unhurried, so eager as he eats you out like a starved man. Your fingers tangle in his hair, and your draft is completely forgotten.
Because clark kent is here on his knees worshipping you like you're the only headline that’s ever mattered.
.✦ ݁˖ summary: Paddy stumbles into the infirmary bloodied and drunk, only to be forced into stillness by the one person in the desert who doesn’t fear him--you. What begins as tension and defiance fractures into something far more dangerous—raw confession, emotional collapse, and a desperate, consuming need for comfort in a world built on violence.
.✦ ݁˖ contents: Graphic depictions of injury, including cuts, blood, and stitching. Mentions of war and violence. P in V, female satisfaction, angst, themes of alcohol use and intoxication, emotional distress and crying, toxic coping mechanisms, and possessive behavior. Minors DNI (18+ ONLY)
The desert was a cruel mistress, but tonight, Paddy Mayne looked as though he had been dragged through its very teeth.
He stood in the doorway of the makeshift infirmary, a towering shadow that seemed to swallow the dim light of the lanterns. The scent of him hit you before he even moved—a volatile cocktail of cheap gin, cordite, and the metallic tang of dried blood. He was a jagged shard of flint in a world made of soft sand, his knuckles split open and raw, skin stained a bruised, angry purple.
Paddy didn't speak. He never did when the black dog was nipping at his heels. He simply watched you with eyes that looked like scorched earth, cold and terrifyingly bright.
You didn't flinch. You were the only thing in this godforsaken camp that didn't.
Step by slow step, you moved toward him, the hem of your nursing whites whispering against the floorboards.
When you reached him, you didn't ask who he had fought or whose blood was crusting beneath his fingernails. You simply reached out, your fingers small and suprinsgly soft against the heavy, scarred muscle of his forearm.
"Sit," you commanded, your voice barely a whisper over the silence of the midnight air.
The legendary Colonel, the man who had torn the wings off Nazi planes with his bare hands, sank into the wooden chair as if his knees had finally given out. He let you take his hand—the hand that was a weapon, a tool of absolute destruction—and rest it in your lap.
But the surrender was short-lived—as though he had somewhere else to be.
Paddy lurched upward, his massive frame swaying with the heavy, rhythmic pull of the gin. The stench of it was a physical weight between you, sharp and sour.
"I’m fine," he growled, the words slurring just enough to betray the depth of his intoxication. "A bit of dust and a few scrapes. I’ve had worse from a rugby scrum in Belfast. I don’t need you hovering like a mother hen."
He made to shove past you, his shoulder clipping yours with the careless force of a man who forgot his own strength when his mind was clouded by the black dog. You didn't move. You planted your hand firmly against the blood-stained wool of his chest, feeling the frantic, jagged pulse of his heart beneath your palm.
"I’m not asking you, Paddy Mayne," you said, your voice dropping into a low, dangerous hush that finally made him freeze. "I’m telling you. You will sit in that chair, or so help me, I will have the orderlies strap you to a cot. Your choice…"
Paddy let out a long, jagged sigh that smelled of the desert and the dark, bitter gin he favored. It was the sound of a dying fire, weary and hollow. He didn't move immediately; instead, he remained poised on the edge of flight, his massive shoulders tensed as if he were preparing to storm a trench rather than a wooden chair.
Slowly, his head tilted, and he fixed his gaze on yours. He searched your eyes with a heavy, searching intensity, hunting for a flicker of hesitation or the softness he usually exploited. He looked for the girl who had once blushed at his shadow, but he found only the iron-willed woman who had survived the blood and the heat of the front lines.
He stayed like that for a heartbeat too long, his dark eyes tracing the set of your jaw and the cold, flat determination in your stare. He was checking to see if you were being serious—if you truly had the nerve to challenge the beast when he was this far gone.
What he saw there finally made the fight bleed out of him. The tension left his frame in a sudden, heavy slump, and he sank back into the chair with a groan that rattled the very frames of the infirmary.
"A soldier of the King," he muttered, his head falling back as he stared up at the sagging canvas ceiling. "A commander of men, a bringer of fire and ruin across the sands... and here I sit, a captive to a slip of a girl with soap on her hands and fire in her tongue."'
He began to recite then, his voice a gravelly, rhythmic lilt that spoke of his love for the poets. Even now, when he could barely see straight, the man had to have the last word.
"Between the stirrup and the ground," he murmured, "mercy I asked, mercy I found... but there is no mercy in this tent, only the cold command of a nurse."
You let out a sharp huff of breath, a sound that tasted of copper and woodsmoke, and rolled your eyes at the sagging roof above. Gods, the man was as dramatic as a mummers' queen when the gin took hold of his senses.
He sat there steeped in his own shadow, reeking of juniper and the sour, salt sweat of a man who had spent his evening seeking a brawl.
You reached for a fresh swab, the linen rough and dry against your palm, and dipped it into the basin where the water had already turned a murky, bruised pink. To the world, he was a bringer of fire, a commander of men who traded in ruin and high-flown verse; to you, he was merely another stubborn fool with a split lip and a head full of bad liquor.
"You’re such an idiot," you whispered, dabbing softly at his split lip.
The words felt like ash in your mouth as you looked at the wreck of him.
He was a man made of iron and old scars, a commander who led men to their deaths with a poet's tongue and a butcher’s hands, yet here he sat, so very still the moment your fingers touched his face, his gaze dropping from the ceiling to your mouth with a heavy focus.
"Why do you fight your own men?" Your heart ached, a dull, throbbing weight in your chest. You had seen enough blood to last three lifetimes, yet the sight of his—wasted on a comrade’s knuckles—made your stomach churn. "I just—I don't understand you sometimes, Paddy. There are enemies enough in the world without making more of those who wear the same uniform. Is the desert not enough of a grave for you?"
Paddy didn't answer with words. He gave a sharp, bark-like laugh that tasted of blood, his teeth stained crimson from his split lip. He looked at you with eyes that had seen too many fires, eyes that were dark and bottomless as a well.
"The desert is a cold bed," he rasped, his voice like grinding stones. He reached out with a hand that had broken a dozen men before the moon had reached its zenith, his fingers thick and calloused as they brushed against the soft skin of your throat. "And a man needs a bit of heat to remind him he’s still among the living, even if he has to bleed for it."
You wanted to scoff, but you didn’t have the energy to argue—not really.
He was a monster, a creature of salt and shadow, and you were the only thing keeping him from the abyss. You hated the way he looked at you then—as if you were the only piece of mercy left in a world that had forgotten the word.
The silence of the midnight air pressed against the walls, thick with the scent of cheap gin and the metallic tang of dried blood.
You reached for your needle, the silver glinting under the dim light of the lanterns. Your hands trembled, a slight tremor you prayed he was too drunk to notice, but Paddy saw everything. He was a man made of iron and old scars, yet he sat perfectly still the moment your fingers touched his face.
“Hold still,” you commanded, your voice stern, your fingers firm as you caught his jawline and tilted his head toward the light while you worked the needle through the cut on his brow.
He didn't flinch as the steel pierced his skin, his gaze dropping from the ceiling to your mouth with a heavy, predatory focus. "You have a gentle touch for someone who spends her days cutting out shrapnel," he rasped, his voice like grinding stones.
"Someone has to be gentle with you, Paddy," you whispered, the words feeling like ash in your mouth. "Since you seem intent on breaking yourself against every man in this camp."
A low, dark chuckle rumbled in his chest, a sound that tasted of blood.
"The boys needed a reminder of who leads them. A commander of men must be a bringer of fire, or they'll forget the heat".
"And what of me?" Your heart ached, a dull, throbbing weight in your chest. You pulled the silk thread taut, closing the gap in his crimson-stained ruin above his eyebrow. "Am I just the one who washes the ruin away so you can go find more?"
Paddy’s jaw ticked, muscle jumping beneath the rough line of his face as he fought the urge to move, the smell of cordite and juniper settling over you like something suffocating.
“You’re the only peace I have,” he breathed, his dark eyes tracing the cold, flat determination in your stare. “The only thing that isn’t burning.”
The words didn’t settle. They hung there—too heavy, too close—pressing in like the heat beneath the canvas walls.
You didn’t answer.
The needle paused in your fingers, hovering just above his skin. For a moment, all you could hear was the faint rasp of his breathing, the distant groan of wind dragging sand against the tent, the quiet, awful awareness of how close he was.
Too close.
Your throat tightened. Your grip shifted, just slightly.
“I hate you when you’re like this,” you murmured at last, the words quieter now, thinner, like they had to force their way out. “So angry. So broken.”
You pulled back then—just enough to put space between you, the needle lifting with you, thread catching faintly in the low light—and his hand closed around your wrist.
Not rough. Not gentle.
Certain.
The movement stilled you both.
“I know,” he whispered, his thumb dragging a slow, bruising circle into the center of your palm, the same hand that held him in place. “But God help the man who tries to take the mercy you give me.”
Something in you cracked.
It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t dramatic. Just a small, sharp break somewhere deep in your chest that you couldn’t quite hold together.
Your breath hitched.
You turned your face away, but not fast enough.
A tear slipped free.
Paddy went still.
Completely.
The tension in him shifted—not gone, but… different. His grip loosened without thinking, his hand still hovering at your wrist like he didn’t quite know what to do with it now.
“What—” he started, the word rough, unfamiliar in his mouth. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” you said quickly, too quickly, trying to pull your hand free. “It’s nothing, just—hold still, I need to finish—”
But your voice betrayed you, catching halfway through.
And you still wouldn’t look at him.
His hand tightened again—not to stop you this time, but to keep you there.
“Don’t,” he said, quieter now. Not a command. Something else. “Don’t lie to me.”
You shook your head, a sharp, stubborn motion, even as another tear slipped loose.
“It’s nothing,” you insisted, pushing weakly at his chest with your free hand. “You’re making it into something it’s not—just let me go, Paddy—”
He didn’t.
Instead, his hand shifted from your wrist, sliding upward with a sudden, heavy desperation to pull you into the hard expanse of his chest. The wool of his tunic was rough against your cheek, smelling of salt, cordite, and the ghost of the desert wind. You collapsed into him, the iron-willed nurse finally fracturing as you sobbed into the blood-stained fabric of his shoulder.
"I want you to promise me," you choked out, your voice muffled and thick with the tears you could no longer contain. "Promise me you won't go out there and leave me. That you won't just... throw your life away in some trench or God-forsaken hole in the sand". You clung to him, your fingers digging into the heavy muscle of his back. "But I know it’s futile. I know what you are, Paddy. You're a bringer of ruin, and you'll find it eventually".
The words began to tumble out faster, your breath hitching in a jagged rhythm as panic started to claw at your throat. "Every time you walk out that door, I see the ghost of you. I see the pine box. I see—".
"Hush," he rasped, the word like grinding stones, but the focus in his eyes had been replaced by a raw, startled vulnerability.
He moved then, his massive frame looming over you as he surged up from the chair. Before another frantic word could leave your lips, Paddy captured them with his own. It wasn't the crash of a landslide this time; it was a desperate, silencing heat intended to anchor you back to the earth. He tasted of iron and bitter gin, his stitched brow pressing against yours as he drank in your distress until your heart finally slowed its frantic, jagged thrumming.
When he pulled back just a fraction, his dark eyes searched yours with a heavy intensity that felt like a vow. He cupped your face, his thick, calloused thumbs catching the last of your tears.
"Let me take care of you now," he breathed, his voice a low, jagged lilt that held no room for argument. "No more blood. No more ruins. Just us."
You nodded weakly, your forehead dropping back against his chest as the monster of salt and shadow finally offered the only piece of mercy he had left. He lifted you then, as if you weighed no more than a slip of silk, and carried you toward the shadows of the cot. In the dim light of the lanterns, the violence of the desert faded away, replaced by the slow, deliberate rhythm of a love made of silk thread and iron-willed devotion.
Paddy moved with a sudden, uncharacteristic grace, his massive frame looming over you as he guided you back toward the chair. He didn't lift his hands from you; instead, he took the very cloth you had used to scrub the grit and the metallic tang of dried blood from his skin. With a focus that was surprisingly steady for a man so deep in the gin, he began to wipe away the stray droplets of his own ruin that had splattered onto your pale cheeks and throat.
His thick, calloused fingers were careful, almost reverent, as he worked the fastenings of your nursing whites. He peeled the blood-stained wool away, casting the uniform of your heavy, throbbing burden aside until you sat before him in only your thin, normal clothes. The midnight air of the godforsaken camp felt cool against your skin, a sharp contrast to the rugged heat radiating off him.
"I know I can be unfair," he rasped, his voice like grinding stones cutting through the silence. He remained poised before you, his dark eyes tracing the set of your jaw. "And I can’t promise the desert won't claim me, or that I won't end up in a pine box one day soon. But I can promise to treat you better than a monster of salt and shadow should."
He offered a dramatic, weary tilt of his head, looking up as if reciting to the poets themselves. "It is a heavy penance for a commander of men to take orders from a slip of a girl, but perhaps I’ve found a mercy I didn't seek."
The theatrics of it, even in his drunken state, pulled a small, breathless laugh from your lungs. You didn't wait for him to lean in this time; you moved first, your mouth crashing into his with a desperate, hungry heat that finally silenced the black dog nipping at his heels.
When you pulled back, the air between you thickened, heavy with a predatory focus and the scent of juniper. "Paddy," you whispered, your heart ached with a terrifying certainty. "I love you."
For the first time since he had returned from the fire and ruin of the dunes, a smile broke across his face—not the sharp, bark-like laugh of a soldier, but something genuine and soft.
"Say it again," he breathed, his thumb dragging a slow, bruising circle into your palm.
"I love you," you repeated, your voice a silken thread in the dark.
He leaned closer, his scent of cordite wrapping around you like a shroud. "One more time, I think. My hearing’s been off ever since that bomb went off beside us last week."
You didn't give him words; you made out with him instead, the contact turning primal and certain as his hand closed around your wrist. The urgency between you grew, a low, dark rumble of need that made your breath hitch. When you finally broke apart, gasping for air in the stifling tent, you whispered the words against his lips one last time.
"I love you."
With a sudden, heavy slump of tension, the legendary Colonel began to strip away the rest of his gear, his movements determined as he pulled you toward the shadows of the cot.
But the cot was too far, and the hunger in his eyes was a hungry, burning thing that wouldn't wait for the soft give of a mattress. Paddy’s hand, thick and calloused from a life of ruin, swept across the surface of the scarred wooden table. Basins of murky, bruised water and silver instruments clattered to the floorboards in a discordant symphony of steel, clearing the way for the only peace he had left.
"I told you," he rasped, his voice like grinding stones against the shell of your ear. "A man needs a bit of heat to remind him he’s still among the living, even if he has to bleed for it".
The air in the stifling tent thickened, heavy with a primal focus as he stripped away the last of his khaki gear. When he entered you, it wasn't with the rhythmic lilt of the poets he recited, but with the raw, certain power of the desert itself. You arched against the hard table, your fingers digging into the heavy, scarred muscle of his back, anchoring yourself in the middle of his riotous storm.
He filled you completely, a massive, unyielding weight that made you gasp as he bottomed out against your core. The sheer size of him was a shock of heat, a physical invasion that sent a violent shiver racing down your spine, leaving you trembling against the sweat-slicked skin of his chest. Paddy paused, his breath a jagged, broken sound in the silence of the midnight air, his knuckles white where they gripped the edge of the wood.
"Are you... is this good?" he rasped, his voice dropping into a low, uncertain lilt as he searched your eyes for any sign of the iron-willed nurse retreating.
"I’m good, Paddy," you whispered, your heart ached with a terrifying need as you wrapped your legs tighter around his waist. "Go faster. Please."
He didn't need another command. The legendary Colonel surged forward, his movements becoming a frantic, rhythmic pull that mirrored the war drum of his heart. He was a bringer of fire, and every thrust felt like a brand, a volatile cocktail of desperation and certain, bruising strength that made the floorboards beneath the table groan.
His hands were everywhere—one calloused palm flat against the small of your back to arch you higher, while the other tangled in your hair to pull your mouth back to his.
You cried out, a raw, silken thread of sound that was lost to the wind dragging sand against the canvas, your body shaking with every heavy, possessive strike. You reacted to him like a storm-tossed bird, your nails marking the scarred muscle of his forearms as he drove you deeper into the abyss, neither of you willing to find the surface until the last of the ruin was burned away.
The friction of his skin against yours was a volatile cocktail of heat and desperate, certain need. You moaned his name out loud, the sound vibrating against the column of his throat, and Paddy’s grip on your waist tightened until his knuckles were white where they held you to the edge of the wood.
"Paddy," you gasped, your head falling back as the tension in your chest began to fracture into something beautiful and terrifying.
He didn't pull away. Instead, he leaned in until his forehead rested against yours, his breath a jagged, broken sound that smelled of the desert and the dark, bitter gin he favored. He shifted his weight, his thick, calloused fingers sliding beneath your hips to tilt you higher, guiding you toward the edge of the abyss with a heavy, searching intensity.
"I have you," he rasped, his voice a low, jagged lilt that finally silenced the black dog nipping at his heels. "I have you, lass."
He didn’t wait for the desert to claim the silence; he surged forward, his movements becoming a frantic, rhythmic pull that mirrored the war drum of his heart. He went faster, the friction of his skin against yours a volatile cocktail of heat and desperate, certain need. Your body began to lock up, the tension in your chest finally fracturing as you hit the peak, a sudden, overwhelming release that left you shaking with every heavy, possessive strike.
As you were cumming, he leaned in close, his breath a jagged, broken sound that smelled of the desert and the dark, bitter gin he favored. "That’s it," he talked you through it, his voice a low, jagged lilt that felt like grinding stones against your skin. "I got you. Do you feel better now?"
"Yes," you whimpered, the word a silken thread of velvet lost in the sound of the wind dragging sand against the night.
"Hold on," he commanded, his fingers digging into your skin with a bruising strength. "Just a little bit longer."
Your body began to involuntarily jolt against the hard surface of the table, your nails marking the scarred muscle of his forearms. He slowed the frantic, rhythmic pull of his body, replacing the violence of the dunes with a slow, deliberate heat that made you shiver against the scarred muscle of his chest. You clung to him, your breath hitching in a jagged rhythm as you climbed, your heart a thrumming war drum against his own. With one final, possessive surge, Paddy helped you find the peace you had given him a thousand times before, his mouth capturing your sob of release in a kiss that tasted of salt, iron, and a mercy that had finally found its home.
He bottomed out one last time, a massive, unyielding weight that made you gasp as he came inside you, his frame sagging with a sudden, heavy slump of tension.
The quiet of the infirmary was absolute for only a heartbeat before a voice cut through the tent from outside. "Paddy? You in there? Stirling’s looking for you."
Both of your bodies tightened instantly, the predatory focus returning to Paddy’s eyes as he froze like a creature of salt and shadow.
"Fuck off, David!" Paddy roared, his voice a low, dangerous hush that finally made the footsteps outside pause.
"I need to come in, Mayne," David insisted, his voice closer to the tent flaps now. "It's about the raid."
"I said get lost before I bury you in the Great Sand Sea!" Paddy threatened, his jaw ticking, a muscle jumping beneath the rough line of his face. When David took a heavy step toward the entrance, Paddy didn't hesitate. He reached out with a hand that had broken a dozen men, snatched his service pistol from the gear on the floor, and fired a single, deafening shot through the top of the wooden doorframe.
The silence that followed was heavy and sudden. After a moment, the sound of retreating boots hurried away into the midnight air.
Paddy looked back at you, the dark, bottomless intensity of his gaze breaking into a sudden, genuine smile. You both let out a jagged, breathless laugh, the absurdity of the war and the ruin outside falling away.
He reached for a fresh swab, his thick, calloused fingers surprisingly gentle as he began to wash the remnants of the night from your skin. He moved with a sudden, uncharacteristic grace, his scent of cordite and juniper wrapping around you like a shroud.
"I love you," you whispered, the words no longer feeling like ash in your mouth.
Paddy leaned down, his forehead resting against yours, his voice a low, jagged lilt. "I know," he breathed against your lips. "And God help the man who tries to take the mercy you give me".
⭐︎ warnings: nsfw, greece au, fluff, smut, enemies to lovers, banter, arguments, alcohol, manchild player bucky, mean!bucky, john walker back to playing the role of a toxic bf, cheating (not by bucky), jealousy, oral (f!receiving), squirting, overstimulation, reader mentions she's on the pill (no pregnancy), praise, dirty talk, angst, alpine feature, dead rat, miscommunication, insecurities, hurt/comfort
⭐︎ word count: 17.8k
⭐︎ a/n: if you like mamma mia, this fic might be up your alley. this is my contribution for the bwat summer collab hosted by the lovely @barnesonly and @iamthatonefangirl. thank you for taking the time to keep us in check. thank you to @tw1sters for being my beta-reader! happy brat summer even though it was two years ago
synopsis:
If managing a housing complex in Greece during peak tourist season wasn't hard enough, your stupid, DJ manchild of a tenant, Bucky Barnes, goes one step further to make it even more difficult—that is, until he overhears an argument between you and your boyfriend, John, and decides to prove that he actually cares about you for more than just pissing you off with his loud music.
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Oonts. Oonts. Oonts.
It was the same wretched sound all over again.
From where you sat in the complex’s office, the bass emitting from Bucky’s room was thumping and vibrating the very walls around you. The ground shook, and you swore you could see dust and pebbles straying off the ceiling and landing right into your cup of coffee.
There was no one else in the office, so you screamed as loud as you could.
“Keep it down, Barnes!”
But of course, your angry voice was met with even more thumping bass and weird techno noises.
Mumbling curses to yourself, you angrily picked up the office phone—which barely worked—and dialed his number. You pressed the receiver hard to your ear, foot tapping impatiently as you heard it ring once, twice, three times, until finally…
“Hey, you reached Bucky. Sorry I couldn’t get to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number—”
He had left your phone calls unanswered so many times, you had already memorized his voice message word for word.
With another curse, you slammed the phone back down, pushed out of your rolling chair, and stomped your way up to his room.
It was peak summertime, meaning that vacationers were flooding the streets of Greece looking for accommodations, meaning that your rundown complex had available rooms for cheap rent, meaning you had to leave your one-man post just to take care of the obnoxious tenant you should’ve kicked out years ago.
Finally reaching his door, you knocked angrily with a strength that threatened to break the hinges.
“Barnes, open up!” you shouted.
I wanna dance to me, I wanna dance to A. G—
“Bucky! Don’t make me break down this door!”
I wanna dance with George, I wanna dance to SOPHIE.
Christ. What the hell was he playing? Whatever this noise slop was, it felt specifically designed by Bucky himself to give you a headache.
“God, this fucking… fucking asshole—” you cursed to yourself, fishing for your keys in your pocket.
You unlocked his door and pushed it open. Lo and behold, you found him seated in the exact same position you always found him in every time you barged into his room for a noise complaint. Bucky’s music was so loud he didn’t even hear you enter, his focus entirely on his fancy DJ setup and speakers that probably cost more than his rent.
“Bucky!” Your face scrunched as it took every vocal cord in your body to muster the shout.
Bucky whipped his head around to face you, looking very much like a boy who had been caught red-handed watching porn—except this music was much worse than mediocre sex-on-a-screen.
He finally lowered the volume, allowing you the ability to actually hear your own thoughts.
“What the hell are you doing in my apartment?”
You crossed your arms, jutting your hip out as you glared at him with an unpleasant and as equally disappointed frown.
“I tried calling your phone, but it went straight to voicemail. I need you to turn this music down.”
Bucky didn’t react.
He had heard this exact complaint from you more times than he could count. It was always the same routine. You’d yell at him, your body hot from the lack of AC circulation this shitty complex provided, leaving you standing in his doorway in a tank top—no bra—and tiny daisy dukes that left little to his imagination. And once you were done yelling, you’d go back downstairs to your office, and he’d turn the music right back up.
But of course, he always had a knack for making your job much harder than it actually was, purely because he loved seeing you get riled up.
“Oh. Is Georgia from the third floor complaining?” He tilted his head like an innocent puppy, knowing damn well that Georgia was a senior citizen who was legally deaf.
You scrunched your nose, looking even more pissed—which only made Bucky’s smile widen.
“No, but I’m complaining, and that should be enough to get you to shut the hell up—considering I’m your landlord.”
“Aw, but I’m dedicating this song to you.”
You wanted to stomp over to his desk and slap him right across the face to shut him up for good—but dealing with a lawsuit and a restraining order was the last thing you needed when you were responsible for running this shitty complex during peak tourist season.
“I’m not going to argue with you today,” you said, though it sounded like you were trying to convince yourself rather than him. “Soon, this complex is going to be packed with tourists and I need you on your best behavior. That means no loud robot music that’ll scare potential tenants away.”
Bucky flinched, looking offended.
“Robot music?” he scoffed, spinning back in his chair to face his laptop. “And you say this shit every year. Summertime, tourists, rent... but you’re lucky if even one person books a room.”
Your brow twitched. You hated how right he was. “Regardless, I need you to give the music a rest. If I’m not the one complaining, someone else will.”
You were ready to leave it at that. You turned around, your hand gripping the doorknob, prepared to slam the door behind you so he wouldn’t have the space to argue back. But of course, Bucky just couldn’t help himself.
“Whatever you say, sweetheart.”
You spun around so fast your hair whipped across your face. “What the fuck did you just call me?”
Bucky kept his back turned to you. You didn’t even need to see his face to know he was wearing a smug, shit-eating grin.
“My music is harmless,” he muttered, clicking away at his screen. “And who knows? Maybe your future tenants will actually find it entertaining. I might even draw people in.”
“No, it won’t,” you hissed. “You’ll scare people away.”
Bucky shrugged. “Then what the hell am I paying you rent for if I can’t even listen to music in my own apartment?”
The way he said it was so casual, but you knew he had thrown those words out just to pull the pin right out of your heart.
Over the years, you had seen several tenants come and go, break their leases, or even scam you out of money. Taking over the building with little to no hope for business had been completely exhausting, and Bucky—along with Georgia—had been the only loyal tenants you had left.
In reality, the two of them were the ones keeping the place afloat.
You grimaced, facing the door again.
“Just… keep it down,” was all you said, because you no longer had it in you to keep up the fight.
Bucky had kept his promise to keep the music down—but that only lasted about a day. And Bucky being Bucky, if he didn’t have the ability to piss you off one way, he’d make sure to do it another.
You weren’t sure if it was entirely intentional or not, but regardless, it made your skin burn with irritation. While you were talking to a man seated across from your desk, the sound of a girl’s loud laughter echoed right above the office—and it certainly wasn’t the voice of any girl you recognized who lived in this complex.
You smiled through it. As long as you ignored it and didn’t address it, then maybe the man in front of you—who seemed to have every intention of staying here during his months long vacation—wouldn’t notice.
“But yes, as you can see, the building is very close to the beach—walking distance, actually!” You smiled, hands folding primly on the desk in front of you. “And the beaches in Greece are beautiful. I’m sure you’ve seen them while doing your research. You said you like to surf, right? This spot is very convenient for—”
“Haha—you’re so silly, Bucky!”
“I know. But you like it.”
The man in front of you glanced at the ceiling, frowning at the sound of the girl giggling, and you swallowed hard.
“—surfing….”
Instead of answering your question or addressing anything else you said, he kept his focus on the wooden ceiling above him and pointed up. “I take it this place is pretty busy—considering all the noise.”
You gripped your hands tighter.
If you weren’t able to secure this guest, you were going to make sure Bucky got an earful from you after this.
“That’s a good thing, right? Shows how lively Greece is during this time of the year.” You tried your best to salvage the situation, but your own words only gave you secondhand embarrassment.
The man chewed the inside of his cheek, his expression apprehensive. His eyes darted around the office, suddenly taking in the white plug-in wall fan that was making a suspicious whiiiirrr noise, along with the poorly painted window panels you hadn’t gotten around to fixing yet.
“Look, you seem like a nice, responsible, and hardworking young lady, but—” He stood up and started grabbing his bags. “I don’t think this place is right for me.”
“W-wait!” You scrambled from your chair, nearly lunging across the desk just to get him to stop. “We have much quieter rooms on the second floor! Facing the courtyard! You won’t hear a single thing over there, I promise!”
Fuck. What were you even saying? Bucky’s room was on the second floor.
The guy was already heading for the exit, his heavy duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He gave you a tight, sympathetic smile that felt more like a slap to the face before walking out.
“Sir, please! I can offer you a discount on the first month! Ten percent—no, fifteen!”
Your voice was pitching higher in distressed panic, but the bell above the office door gave you a cute and mocking ting! before he pushed it open and stepped out into the burning Greek heat. The door shut behind him, leaving you alone in silence with the stupid run down fan.
Well, almost silence.
Aside from the consistent whirring from the fan, another loud giggle squealed through the floorboards right above your head. Then came the thud of Bucky’s mattress hitting the bed frame.
Your eye twitched as your hands curled into tight fists. The payment that man would have given you had he settled in today—even with a fifteen percent discount—was supposed to be your grocery budget for the next three weeks.
Your sandals were already stomping up the stairs to Bucky’s floor. By the time you shoved the key into his lock, twisted it, and slammed the door open without so much as a knock, you were seeing red.
“Barnes!” you screeched, not even caring that the unknown woman lying in his bed was half-naked.
She squealed and yanked the blanket up to her chest, trying to cover herself, but you didn’t so much as glance at her.
“Bucky, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend!” she yelped, looking at Bucky with wide, terrified eyes.
Well, at least this one had some decency compared to the others. Most girls would look at you with swollen lips and a proud, “gotcha” smile to match. Bucky pushed himself up with a groan, giving you a glare that could have killed you right where you stood.
“She’s not my girlfriend,” he grumbled, wiping his wet lips with the back of his hand. “She’s my landlord.”
“Oh.” The girl’s shoulders slumped in relief—and a part of you wished Bucky hadn’t clarified that, just so you could have kept the upper hand.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Bucky? You scared another potential renter away!”
Bucky didn’t look remotely remorseful. If anything, he looked mildly annoyed that his afternoon had been interrupted. He swung his legs over the side of the mattress, getting up to meet you at the door.
You didn’t even care that he was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers that hung low on his hips—you had walked in on him one too many times to even bother telling him to put on a pair of pants.
“I didn’t do anything,” he said, his voice gravelly from whatever he’d been doing earlier. “I was minding my own business.”
“I’m sorry, but your ‘business’ becomes everyone else’s when you’re being too fucking loud!” you shouted. “I was seconds away from closing a three-month lease, Bucky. Three months! Do you know what I could do with that kind of money right now? I could finally fix the plumbing so the water doesn’t smell like eggs!”
The girl in his bed looked back and forth between the two of you, awkwardly clutching the sheet to her collarbone. “Um… should I leave?”
“Yes!” you snapped.
“No,” Bucky countermanded, running a tired hand through his already tousled hair. “Stay, Eleni. My landlord was just leaving.”
“Like hell I am,” you hissed, crossing your arms. “I swear to God, Barnes. If you keep this up, I’m going to tear up your lease and evict you.”
Bucky huffed a laugh. That was new. He had pushed your buttons enough to unlock a brand new threat—even if it was one you both knew you probably wouldn’t follow through with.
“Yeah, sure. Go ahead and kick me out,” he challenged, stepping closer. “You need me more than I need you, anyway.”
You were seconds away from going ballistic—from grabbing his precious DJ setup and throwing it right off the balcony. Every hair on your body stood up like a threatened cat, and you were ready to tear Bucky Barnes apart in his own room.
You sucked in a deep breath to unleash a litany of curses, and Bucky stood up straighter, bracing himself to return the sentiment right back, until a familiar voice called out from the office downstairs.
“Honey? Are you here?”
Both of you froze. Your accusatory finger hung in midair as your head instinctively turned towards the open door.
Of course. Your boyfriend, John, always managed to show up at the absolute worst timing possible.
“Would you look at that,” Bucky sighed—though you couldn’t tell if it was out of relief or annoyance. “Your knight in shining armor, coming to save me yet again,” he said sarcastically.
You shot Bucky one last lethal glare— forgetting all about Eleni still laying in his bed—and turned on your heel, stomping back down the stairs to tend to your boyfriend. As you hurried down, you flattened your hair and adjusted your tank top, trying to make yourself look somewhat presentable, though it was a lost cause.
“Hi, John,” you said, sounding more tired than endeared as you leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek.
“Hey, you,” he grinned before pulling back to look at you, his expression turning from a smile to displeasure.
“Wow, you look terrible.”
Your boyfriend always had such a way with words.
You sighed, your shoulders slumping in defeat. With John here, you felt like now was the great time to talk about your day, hoping that it’d relief just a tiny bit of stress.
“I look terrible because my day is going terrible. I feel like a hamster running on a wheel that leads nowhere. It’s barely afternoon, and the day is already kicking my butt—”
“Did you hear that I got promoted today?”
You blinked at his blatant interruption. “I’m… I’m sorry?”
“No worries,” he waved his hand with a guileless smile, as if you were actually offering him a sincere apology when, in fact, you were just giving him the opportunity to rethink his interruption. “I said I got promoted. Valentina finally saw how hard I’ve been working and decided to give me the next position up. I’m making double the amount I made before!”
You felt utterly and completely defeated.
Here you were, feeling like a dog that had been beaten to the ground, and the man you proclaimed as the love of your life was flaunting his success. You should have been happy for him, but every sentence that left his lips only felt like a slap to your face.
“I’m happy for you, John,” you said, your voice wavering. You were happy for him—you really were—but John didn’t buy it.
He frowned. “Well…?”
You blinked again, your brows furrowing in confusion. “Well, what?”
“Are you going to take me out to celebrate?”
“Celebrate?” You huffed a laugh, taking his words as a joke. But one look at John’s face told you he was entirely serious.
Your lips twisted right back into a frown, your brows furrowing as dread began to settle in your gut.
“John… look around you. I can barely afford to keep this place running, much less take you out to celebrate your promotion. And besides, you’re making so much more than me now. Wouldn’t it financially make more sense for you to take us out if you really wanted to celebrate?”
You knew the words were blunt and straightforward, but truthfully, you didn’t have it in you to beat around the bush to cushion John’s feelings. You were drowning, and you needed to be honest with your partner.
John sighed, stepping closer and resting a hand on your shoulder.
“Honey, if money was that important to me—then I wouldn’t be with you right now, would I?”
Before you even knew it, you were looking at your partner not with the eyes of a lover—but with the eyes of an enemy.
“Excuse me?” You ripped yourself away from his touch, his hand dropping as you stared at him in utter disbelief. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
John let out a long sigh, his classic way of telling you that you were blowing things out of proportion. “I’m just saying, I don’t care about your financial situation. I’m looking past it because I love you. You don’t have to get so defensive.”
You wanted to cry. Your body was so coiled with nothing but rage, and right now, the only person you wanted to take it out on was John.
“Look past it?” Your voice cracked as it began to rise. “You’re looking past the fact that I run myself dry trying to keep a roof over my head with zero support from you? I can’t afford groceries, and instead of asking how I am, you walk in here, cut me off, brag about your money, and insult my business!”
“Oh, here we go with the drama,” John scoffed, throwing his hands up as if he were the victim. “It’s a rundown complex in Greece, honey, not the Hilton. You’re overreacting like you always do—”
“I am not overreacting! You are being incredibly selfish—”
“What’s going on here?”
You were so caught up in the yelling match that you hadn’t even heard the footsteps creaking down the stairs and into the office.
Both you and John turned to find Bucky and Eleni standing by the archway that led to the stairs. Bucky was dressed appropriately this time. By the looks of it, he had no intention of eavesdropping—he was just politely leading Eleni out of the building.
You swallowed hard. What a funny predicament to be in—complaining about Bucky and his noise just minutes ago, only to end up doing the exact same thing.
“It’s nothing,” you mumbled, averting your attention back to John. But John was already looking elsewhere—more specifically, right at Eleni.
“You sure? Sounded like things were getting pretty heated in here,” Bucky said, trying to make a joke that landed flat. “I was just leading Eleni out. You can go right back to tearing at each other’s throats once I escort her out, thanks.”
Eleni had been following close behind Bucky like a lost puppy, looking a little flustered, until her eyes scanned the lobby and landed squarely on the man standing next to you—who was already staring at her.
She froze, her jaw dropping. “John?” she gasped.
The color drained from John’s face, his cocky posture instantly stiffening into a defensive stance. “…E-Eleni?”
You blinked, looking between your boyfriend and the woman who had just been in your tenant’s bed. “Wait. You two know each other?”
Eleni gave you the exact same treatment you had given her earlier. She zipped right past you, completely forgetting about you and Bucky, and folded her arms tightly over her chest. “John, you asshole! You ghosted me after Cabo! You blocked my number and never returned any of my calls!”
The office went dead silent. Aside from the whirring fan, of course.
You felt your heart drop into your stomach. Cabo? John had mentioned going on a ‘business conference’ to Cabo—but that was only two months ago.
No.
He couldn’t have…
You slowly turned your head to look at John, silently pleading to whatever cruel God that was currently tormenting you to just give you a break. You hoped John would deny it, that he would tell this interloper to get lost, even if you hadn’t had the guts to do it yourself when she was upstairs.
But he didn’t. All he did was dart his guilty blue eyes around the room, looking anywhere but at the two women he had wronged.
“John…?” you whimpered.
And under just a smidge of pressure, John folded.
“I’m sorry!” he barked out defensively. “Look—it was a one-time thing, okay? I got drunk with Lemar on the beach, and… we lost track of time, and Eleni came up to me and—”
“Get the hell out.”
John’s shoulders slumped. He reached out for you again. “Honey, you don’t mean that—”
“Get out of my fucking face, John!” you screamed, slapping his hand away.
“Please, just listen to me for one second!” John pleaded, taking another step closer despite your screaming.
“I know I messed up, okay? I know it was a mistake—but look at the bigger picture here! I just got promoted. I’m making double now! I can take care of you. I can fund this entire complex and even… even fix the plumbing smell you’re always complaining about! Whatever you want! You won’t have to worry about a single cent anymore. Just please, don’t throw us away over a stupid slip up.”
Slip up?
Was this what he thought this was?
Years of being together, and his infidelity was just a slip up? A stupid moment of weakness?
You had thought that having a boyfriend—someone who loved you unconditionally—was the one thing you could have to yourself in this cruel world. You and John had your ups and downs, sure, but the idea of being in love was what kept you going.
Now, you felt entirely sick to your stomach—humiliated, exhausted, and broken.
“Stop it,” you choked out, a tear finally spilling down your cheek. You stepped forward and weakly slammed your palms against his chest, trying to push him towards the exit. “Just stop talking. Get out!”
Your hands were trembling, completely devoid of the strength you had wielded against him and Bucky just minutes ago. John barely budged under your weak shove. He sighed, reaching out to grab your wrists to stop you.
“Honey, stop. You’re hysterical right now, just calm down and—”
Before his fingers could even brush your skin, Bucky’s broad frame wedged itself between the two of you. He clamped a heavy hand hard onto John’s shoulder, shoving him back as he used his own body as a shield to protect you.
“You heard the woman,” Bucky gritted through clenched teeth, glaring down at your now-ex-boyfriend. “She told you to get the hell out.”
John stumbled back a step, swallowing hard as he looked up at the much larger man.
He tried to reclaim some of his lost dignity, puffing out his chest. “Hey, man, back off. This is between me and my girlfriend. It’s none of your business.”
“When you’re being that loud, your business becomes everyone else’s,” Bucky hissed. “You have three seconds to pack up your pathetic excuses and get your feet off this property before I throw you off it myself.”
If you weren’t such a fragile mess, you might’ve laughed at the fact that Bucky had just used your exact words to throw right back at John.
John looked at Bucky’s tight fists, then glanced past his shoulder at you, where you were wiping away your tears. He huffed a bitter laugh—he knew he couldn’t win a physical fight against Bucky, but that didn’t mean his pride was going down without a fight.
“Wow. Blew one of your tenants so he could act as your security guard since you couldn’t afford one?” John’s face twisted into an ugly, resentful sneer. “Fine. Keep her. I’m leaving.”
You were too busy sniffling behind Bucky—of all people—to notice that his shoulders were shaking with anger.
Bucky knew he wasn’t a saint, especially towards you, but hearing you get degraded by a man like this—a man you had given your heart to—made him unfathomably angry.
If you weren’t in such a sensitive, vulnerable state, Bucky probably would’ve had this guy pinned to the floor by now.
“While you’re at it, go ahead and take Eleni out with you,” Bucky added, nodding toward the woman dismissively, as if he hadn’t been tongue deep in her mouth just minutes ago. “Sounds like you two have some catching up to do, anyway.”
John muttered curses under his breath as he pushed through the exit, a timid Eleni trailing quickly behind him.
When the door shut, leaving just you and Bucky in the office, he turned around to finally look at you—and his heart broke right there in his chest.
He knew he had said and done things to purposefully get under your skin in the past, but seeing you now, looking so small with your cheeks stained with tears, it made him feel like the worst kind of man, despite not being the one who broke your heart.
“Hey,” Bucky murmured gently, resting both hands on your shoulders and leaning down so he was at eye level. “Are you okay—”
He nearly stumbled back from the impact of you burying your face into his chest.
You gripped his shirt tightly as you broke into the most gut wrenching sob he had ever heard in his life.
Without another thought, his arms came up to wrap securely around your body, holding you close against him. One large palm rested at the back of your head, soothing you with a comforting caress.
Bucky didn’t know what to say.
There had been times when he had almost made you cry out of sheer frustration, yeah, but that was almost. Now with you breaking down in his arms, he hated the very idea of you crying, period.
“Hey, he’s gone, okay?” he murmured against your temple. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”
He didn’t know what else to offer other than a couple of “you’re okays” and the occasional “I’m here.”
“I—I don’t understand—” you whimpered into Bucky’s shirt, which was now damp with your tears. “What did I do to deserve this?”
Guilt clawed at his heart while his teeth caught his lower lip hard enough to draw blood.
He knew your words were also a partial reflection on him and how he’d been treating you—constantly making your job so much harder than it needed to be. He sighed, holding you a little closer.
“Nothing. You did nothing,” Bucky said, his tone gentler than you had ever heard it before. “You don’t deserve any of this. And I’m sorry.”
“Thank you,” you sniffled. “For standing up for me. I… I didn’t know what to do. I’m just so tired.”
Bucky felt like the Grinch—his chest tight as his heart softened with each broken word you cried out.
For the first time since he had moved into your complex, he was hearing a thank you leave your lips. He might have expected it if he ever turned his music down on the first ask, or helped you take out the trash. But not once had you muttered those words to him until now, while you were weeping in his arms and holding onto him like he was the only person you could rely on.
He felt terrible.
He, of all people, didn’t deserve your gratitude.
“Hey, don’t get sappy on me now.” He sighed, caressing your hair again as he rested his chin on the top of your head.
“You’re a strong girl. You’ll be okay.”
As the day bled into the rest of the week, Bucky felt like he was getting whiplash.
One day, you were crying in his arms and seeking his comfort, and the next, it was like you slapped your cold mask back on and went right back to being his personal landlord from hell.
He had made a promise to himself to help you out in small ways—like keeping his mixer at a lower volume, or offering to help paint the window frames. He hadn’t even invited a single girl over since your breakdown. It was selfish of him to think you’d soften up just because he held you while you cried, but you didn’t. Instead, it was the same usual business from you.
“Bucky, turn down your music!”
“Your music is giving me a headache. Lower it.”
“I can’t believe people actually listen to this robot music.”
Today, he had his friends over—Steve and Sam—whom you seemed to detest just as much because of the volume they brought with them.
Sam was lounging in the beanbag chair, his legs sprawled out, while Steve found comfort on Bucky’s bed. All three of them had a cold Mythos beer in hand, taking slow swigs while Bucky focused on mixing a new track on his laptop.
“Turn the music up,” Steve said, gesturing to the monitor with his bottle. “I want to hear how the bass hits on that drop.”
Bucky’s hand hovered over the master volume knob, then hesitated. If he recalled correctly, you had a lot of important calls to make down in the office today. The last thing he wanted to do right now was add more to your plate.
Slowly, he pulled his hand back, leaving the volume exactly where it was. “Nah, it’s loud enough.”
“No way, man. The walls are usually shaking from how loud you play this stuff,” Sam said, furrowing his brows. “Come on. Turn it up.”
Bucky kept his attention glued to his laptop, his hands adjusting everything on his mixer but the volume.
“My landlord is making calls downstairs,” he muttered, trying to sound as dismissive and nonchalant as possible in the hopes his friends would just drop it.
But of course, they don’t.
Steve sat up on the bed, his arms resting on his knees while the green bottle dangled loosely in his fingers. “Hold on. Since when do you care about what your landlord thinks?”
“Especially when it comes to your music,” Sam egged on, that teasing grin spreading across his face.
Bucky felt like he was a cat being cornered. He chewed the inside of his cheek, attempting to play around with the BPM to distract himself, but ended up completely messing up the transition.
“I don’t care what she thinks,” Bucky said quickly, his voice a little too defensive as he clicked aggressively on his trackpad. “I just don’t feel like hearing her run her mouth today.”
“You know, speaking of running her mouth—” Sam pushed himself up on the beanbag chair with a groan. “How did she react when she walked in on you and Eleni? Surely she heard all the noise you two were making, right?”
Steve barked out a laugh, waiting to hear Bucky’s response.
Bucky grimaced at the memory.
Despite them bringing Eleni up, his mind wasn’t on her at all—it was entirely on you and everything that had unfolded that day.
Normally, he’d chug his beer with his track set to the highest volume, laughing alongside Sam and Steve about how you were constantly on his ass, pestering him like a mother. But this time, he recoiled at the way his friends were talking about you.
He didn’t even know how to begin explaining it.
How could he explain that he hadn’t actually slept with Eleni because he’d overheard you arguing with your boyfriend, John? The very same John who got outed for cheating on you with Eleni—the girl Bucky just so happened to have brought home that day.
“We didn’t even sleep together. We were just messing around on the bed, and she came in to complain about the noise,” Bucky muttered with a casual shrug. “That’s it.”
Sam hummed in thought, pausing in the middle of sipping his Mythos. “You know what it sounds like your landlord needs? She needs to loosen up.”
Bucky frowned.
They had no idea what you were going through at all.
“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “Take her to one of your gigs tonight—show her how good your music actually is, and what keeps her rent money coming in.”
Bucky couldn’t picture it. You, loosening up in the middle of a crowded dance floor, actually enjoying the music you constantly complained was nothing but “robot noise.”
“Yeah,” Bucky scoffed. “Like that’s ever going to happen.”
Steve shrugged. “A girl like that wouldn’t be hard to impress. Who knows, maybe she’ll realize the nightlife she’s missing out on here in Greece, ditch her lame boyfriend, and give you a chance instead—”
“Alright, alright, enough.” Bucky waved his hand, spinning around in his chair to glare at Steve. He hated how obvious it was that he cared. “Can we just get back to working on my mix? I need it ready and sounding perfect by Friday night.”
Sam’s brows rose. “Oh, Friday night! That’s the perfect amount of time for you to convince her to come out—”
Bucky groaned, rubbing the space between his brows to soothe his impending headache. “Christ, Sammy. Would you just shut up—”
“Eeeeek!”
Bucky was cut off by a loud, piercing screech echoing from down the stairs—straight from your office. He immediately sat up straight in his chair, his eyes widening.
Steve grimaced. “Jesus. What’s wrong with her now—”
But before Steve could even finish his sentence, Bucky was already throwing himself out of his chair. He lunged out the door and raced down the stairs toward you. As his feet pounded against the creaky steps, his mind scrambled through every worst case scenario.
Had John returned to threaten you?
Was a potential tenant giving you a hard time?
Either way, he was ready to tear them apart. And he didn’t care if Steve or Sam were right behind him to witness it.
“Hey!” Bucky barked, breathless as he rounded the corner into the office. “Are you okay—”
“Oh my god, oh my god, get away! No! Don’t get any closer!” you squealed.
Bucky froze in the doorway, only to find you stranded on top of your desk chair, your legs wobbly as you tried to keep yourself from falling. Your eyes were wide with terror, staring down at the floor. Bucky tilted his head to get a better look at what was going on.
Sitting right at the base of your chair was a stray white cat. Her tail was swishing lazily against the floor, and she was proudly holding a very dead, very fat rat between her teeth.
Bucky’s shoulders instantly slumped as he realized he wouldn’t be throwing hands with John after all—and just how ridiculous this entire situation was.
“Bucky, help me!” you wailed, pointing a shaky finger at the feline. “Get it out! Get it out of here right now!”
“Which one?” Bucky crossed his arms, making absolutely no effort to rush to your rescue. “The rodent, or the cat?”
“The rat, Bucky! Oh my god—she’s getting closer, ew!” You whipped your head toward him, frazzled. “Do something!”
Bucky sighed heavily.
He was on a tight time crunch, needing his mix ready by Friday for a gig at a massive club here in Greece—and now his precious time was being spent trying to wrestle a stray cat.
Then again, he had made a silent promise to himself to start helping you out.
He stepped away from the doorframe and closer to you, making exaggerated shooing motions at the animal.
“Shoo! Go on, get out of here. And take your friend with you.”
The cat looked up at Bucky with big, round blue eyes that perfectly matched his own, let out a raspy mewl, and turned her head right back to you. Wanting to ensure her favorite human accepted the prize, the cat pushed herself up on her hind legs, stretching her paws onto the seat of the chair to drop the limp rodent right at your feet.
“Oh my god, no! Don’t do that! Ew, ew, ew! No!”
You could’ve sworn you saw the dead rat twitch.
Panic completely overrode your system. Without a single thought for your pride or your dignity, you launched yourself off the chair and jumped straight into Bucky’s arms.
Bucky looked up, his eyes widening as he realized what you were doing, but it was already too late to brace himself.
He let out a oomph! as your body collided with his, nearly knocking him right off his feet. With a huff, his arms hooked around your waist and thighs to catch you before you both could hit the floor. He stumbled back, struggling to find his balance as you wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face into the crook of his shoulder in panic.
He had never expected to find you in his arms again so soon—much less over a damn cat.
“You’re okay,” Bucky sighed, caressing your back. “Look! She’s already taking the rat away.” He reassured, despite the cat not moving a single paw.
You kept your face buried, your fingers tightly bunching the fabric of the back of his shirt. “Is she really? Promise me you’re not lying, Bucky.”
“Buck! We’re coming! Hold on—”
Steve’s voice echoed through the hallway as he and Sam burst through the office doorway in a sprint. Both of them had their shoulders squared and their fists clenched, ready to throw down in whatever fight Bucky had gotten himself into.
But they came to a halt, their eyes wide as they took in the view.
There was Bucky, holding the very woman he claimed to detest so much securely in his arms—bridal style, at that.
“Oh,” Sam chuckled, raising a brow. “Are we interrupting something?”
Bucky’s neck flushed a deep crimson. Even with your body tucked firmly against his, he was focused on the mortification of Steve and Sam drilling their stares directly into the side of his head.
“Get the rat out of the room!” he hissed through clenched teeth.
He tried to speak quietly so he wouldn’t startle you with the word rat, but the attempt obviously failed—because, well… you were right there, and you squealed in response.
Sam didn’t move, his grin only widening. “I don’t know, Buck. Pest control wasn’t really on the itinerary today. What’s the magic word?”
Bucky now understood why you hated his friends so much.
“Sam, I swear to God—”
Seeing that his best friend was about to combust from embarrassment, Steve finally took pity on him.
“Alright, alright, I’ve got it,” Steve reassured, stepping past them. He grabbed a plastic clipboard from your desk, using it like a makeshift shovel to carefully scoop the dead rodent off the chair.
“Ugh, that thing is huge,” Sam pointed out—eliciting another loud squeal from you—as he held the door open for Steve so they could dump it in the trash bins outside.
“Is it gone?” you whimpered into his chest.
Bucky looked down, his eyes softening as he took in the way your nose was pressed directly into his shirt. “It’s gone. I promise.”
With a relieved breath, you gently pushed yourself out of Bucky’s grasp until your feet hit the floor. He hated the sudden, empty space between the two of you.
Trying to bridge the gap you just created, Bucky stepped closer again, resting a warm palm on your shoulder. “Are you alright?”
He spoke so softly, with a gentleness that caught you off guard.
Heat tickled the back of your neck, your heart beating rapidly from the embarrassment of your outburst—and the fact that you had run straight into Bucky’s arms for comfort yet again.
“I-I’m fine,” you stammered, straightening yourself.
Steve and Sam were just about to walk back inside, but they stopped when they saw Bucky leaning down, his thumb now softly caressing your cheek.
They knew their friend had a long track record of being a blatant flirt and a playboy, but never once had they seen him soften up the way he was right now. Exchanging looks, the two of them played it smart and silently agreed to turn around, letting their friend have his chance.
You gently stepped away from Bucky’s touch, letting out a soft sigh at the cat still perched in the middle of the office floor. You hoped averting your attention elsewhere would soothe the awkwardness.
“Why’d you do that, Alpine? Are you trying to scare me to death?” you murmured, kneeling down to give her a gentle pat on her dusty head.
Bucky furrowed his brows. “She has a name?”
“She was a stray hiding near the trash bins a few weeks ago. I ran to the market next door to buy some food for her, and she’s been following me ever since. But I didn’t think she’d stick around long enough to gift me a…” You shuddered at the mere thought. “…a rat.”
He chuckled, kneeling down right next to you to offer the cat a few pets of his own.
“That’s cute,” he murmured. “Look at you, always on top of taking care of things—even the neighborhood strays.”
You let out a small laugh, the sound soft, warm, and genuine against his eardrums.
Bucky felt like his chest was going to explode. You were so close, smiling brightly in a way he almost never saw from you. As the last of your laughter trickled in the air, he realized this was his perfect opportunity.
The atmosphere between you two was soft. Your walls were down, and he could take this conversation exactly where he wanted it to go.
Are you free this Friday night?
Do you want to come see my set at the club? We could even dance together.
I actually named one of my tracks after you.
But you spoke up before he could. “Oh, I almost forgot. I wanted to say thank you.”
Bucky shrugged casually. “The rat was no problem—”
“No, not just for the rat. I meant for everything else,” you clarified, sitting up straight and meeting him in the eye.
“These past few days, I’ve noticed you’ve been… well, on your best behavior.” You offered a sheepish smile as you struggled to find the right words. “You’ve been lowering your music whenever I ask you to, and I really appreciate it. So, thank you.”
Bucky huffed a laugh.
Here you were—showing gratitude just because he was finally giving you the bare minimum. He didn’t deserve you.
“Yeah, well, even if my music isn’t blasting at full volume, it still sounds good,” he joked, flashing you a confident grin.
You rolled your eyes, letting your hands gently pet down Alpine’s spine. She was purring.
“You keep telling yourself that,” you teased back. “I still don’t know how you can listen to music like that all day, much less produce it.”
“It’s not music you listen to all day,” Bucky adjusted his posture so he was a bit more relaxed as he sat on the floor. “It’s music you listen to when the stars are out while strobe lights are blinding you.”
Without even realizing it, he started rambling.
“It’s the kind of music that's meant to make you feel good. To push all the thoughts out of your head, drown out the noise of the rest of the world, and just let yourself loose for a little while.”
You hummed in thought.
For the entire time you’ve known Bucky, you had never bothered to ask about his DJing simply because you didn’t care to.
You’d always figured it was just a stupid hobby he did to piss you off and disrupt your peace—but the way he talked about it now, passionately getting lost in his own words, made you interested to say the least.
“You should come to one of my gigs one day and see what it’s like,” he murmured, his voice sounding far more vulnerable than his usual confidence. “It’ll be fun.”
You blew a raspberry, though you weren’t entirely put off by the idea.
“I appreciate the invite, but look around you, Bucky,” you huffed, letting out a self-deprecating laugh. “This place is running on my bare hands alone. I can’t afford a night off.”
“Then let me help you,” Bucky interrupted, turning his body so he was giving you his undivided attention. “You need help painting the window frames and fixing the plumbing, right? I’ll take care of it.”
You blinked, your eyes widening in surprise.
Bucky… helping you?
This was completely out of character for him. You braced yourself for the catch, waiting for him to follow up with something like, “As long as I can bring home whoever I want, play my music as loud as I want, and get a discount on my monthly rent,” but nothing came.
“I don’t know, Bucky—”
“Come on, sweetheart,” he grinned, that taunting tone creeping back into his voice. “Let someone help you for once.”
You searched his eyes, trying to catch a punchline, but still, there was nothing.
You didn’t quite believe him. You figured this was just his way of tossing you sympathy points to get you to praise him some more, only for him to end up doing absolutely nothing.
So, you just sighed, rolled your eyes, and pushed yourself up off the floor.
“Whatever you say, Barnes.”
To your surprise, Bucky had actually made true to his promise and helped you around the complex.
He was already up most mornings before you even arrived, blasting his music from his speakers. Instead of just fixing the paint on the window panels, he reinstalled new ones and painted them over with the pretty blue you’ve been eyeing.
It made you feel giddy, seeing him in a tank top and jeans that were covered in both dirt and blue paint.
“Morning,” you shouted over the music, setting your cup of coffee down at your desk. Alpine was still here—curled up in your chair. Bucky must’ve let her in.
“You’re already working on the window panels?”
Bucky didn’t hear you at first, sweeping his paintbrush back and forth until he lifted his head in your direction. He reached over to his Bluetooth speaker, lowering his music to a much more appropriate volume for seven in the morning.
“Oh, yeah.” He pushed himself up with a groan. “Thought I’d get started on the easy stuff first.”
He crossed his arms, taking a step back to admire his work. Then, he looked at you for your reaction.
“How… how do you like it?”
You wanted to jump up and down in glee with how beautiful the windows looked. The bright blue color made everything much more welcoming and inviting, but you didn’t want to give Bucky the opportunity to gloat just yet.
“Hm,” you tilted your head. You could feel Bucky growing anxious beside you—though he tried his best not to show it. “I think I want it in a different shade of blue, actually.”
Bucky’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. He raised his hands, about to protest, but you broke down in a laugh.
“I’m kidding,” you said, wiping a tear at his reaction. “It’s perfect. I love it.”
He let out a heavy sigh of relief, but you could still see the grump lines on his face. “Good. Otherwise I would’ve painted your face blue,” he muttered, motioning to the paintbrush.
“Oh? You mean like this?”
You quickly snatched the brush out of his hands, and before he could even process what was going on, you had already swiped a stripe of blue paint over his stubbled cheek.
Bucky stood there, wide eyed. He swiped his thumb over the paint and looked down at his fingers, appalled. But while you were busy laughing in his face, a slow smile cracked across his lips. He suddenly lunged for you, wrapping his strong arms around your body from behind. He hooked the paintbrush back out of your hands, smearing a streak of blue over your face as well.
“Bucky, stop!” you yelled, thrashing in his arms as you just barely dodged the bristles that were tickling your chin with paint. “Stop! I can’t be covered in paint—I have to work!” you argued, despite the breathless laughter breaking in between your words.
“Yeah, well. You should’ve thought about that before you attacked me first, sweetheart.”
From that day onward, your week with Bucky had been filled with more laughter than you’ve had in the entire course of previous months.
Each day was eventful—Bucky was always up early in the morning working on the complex, somehow always managing to find new things to fix, while you arrived with cups of coffee and a bag of treats for Alpine.
During break times, you and Bucky would eat lunch together in his apartment, and he introduced you to more and more of his music.
Every time you two worked, he always had his music playing. Slowly, you started to become fond of it. There were even a few tracks of his that you liked so much, you actually saved them to your own playlist. And every time you asked him for the track title, Bucky would laugh and say, “See? I told you my mixes are good.”
Now, you were sitting on his beanbag chair with your legs crossed, the two of you eating pitas with cold beers to wash them down.
“It’s all about the frequencies,” Bucky said, gesturing to the DJ controller sitting on his desk. He set his beer down, leaning forward as his fingers traced the knobs and sliders. “You’ve got your lows, mids, and highs. If I want to drop the bass out to create suspense before the hook hits, I twist this dial right here.”
He clicked a button, and the beat lost its thump thump, turning into an airy synth. Then, he slid a fader up, and the thumping beat came back in.
“That’s pretty cool. It’s a lot more complicated than I thought.” You leaned your head back against the beanbag, looking up at him with a sheepish grin. “Honestly, I just thought guys up there would bop their heads to pre-made music and pretend like they’re doing something. I didn’t think they played it all live.”
Bucky chuckled, his shoulders shaking as he swiveled his chair to face you. “Surprising, isn’t it?”
He glanced at his desk, then back to you. “Come here,” he nodded his head toward the console. “Try playing something.”
“What?” you said, sitting up straight. “No. Knowing my luck, I’d touch something and it’d break.”
Bucky huffed a laugh.
Who would’ve thought that the very woman who had threatened to throw his entire DJ setup out the window was actually too scared to even touch it?
“Enough of that. Come here, I’ll show you.”
Judging by the look on Bucky’s face, you knew he wasn’t going to let this up. With a reluctant sigh, you pushed yourself off the beanbag chair and walked over to him. He scooted his chair back, giving you the space to step right up to his setup.
You felt your face warm up instantly when he swiveled right back around, locking you between his desk and his lap.
“Sit down,” Bucky instructed from behind you.
You glanced over your shoulder and swallowed hard. His lap was spread, and he was leaning as far back in his chair as possible to make space for you. You wanted to make an excuse, to say you were much better off standing, but you knew Bucky would just fight you on it.
Mustering up your courage, you sat down, pressing your bottom directly into his lap. Bucky didn’t seem to mind it at all—meanwhile, your face was burning like crazy.
“Here,” he murmured, reaching around you to grab your arm. He guided it toward one of the sliders and placed his hand firmly over yours, setting your fingers down gently on the control.
Bucky’s palm was rough and warm against the back of your hand.
He leaned in closer, his chest pressing into your back, and you could feel the rumbly vibration of his chuckle against you.
“Relax,” he murmured right against your ear, his breath tickling your neck. “I’m not gonna bite. Unless you ask nicely.”
You hated him. You really did.
“Bucky, I swear to God—”
Bucky nudged your hand forward, forcing your fingers to slowly push the slider upward. As the fader moved, the track playing through the monitors began to warp.
“That’s the high-pass filter,” Bucky explained softly. He shifted slightly beneath you, adjusting his thighs under your bottom. “Hear how it cuts out the low end? Now, wait for the timer on the screen to hit zero, and slam it back down.”
You did exactly as instructed, yanking it down the second the timer hit zero, and a smile broke across your face at the bass.
“Wow, that sounds pretty good,” you breathed.
Curiosity got the best of you, and you started to play around with the different sliders on your own—creating a whole new funky and out of beat mix. You messed with the distortion and the reverb, and it sounded terrible enough to make you burst into laughter, with Bucky laughing right along beneath you.
You pressed a button, then a beep! noise came after. A red light started blinking at the soundboard.
“You’re recording now,” he said. “Want to sing something?”
“God, no.” You laughed.
Sooner or later, you felt his hands slowly drift from your arms down to your hips. Surprisingly, you didn’t mind his touch one bit. It felt entirely natural. Like his hands were always meant to be right there—guiding you, holding you…
“Come watch me play on Friday,” he murmured gently.
You looked down at him over your shoulder, and your breath caught. Bucky had been staring up at you this entire time. His blue eyes bored right into yours the minute you made eye contact, with no intention to break it first.
“Bucky, I…”
“I can get you in for free—you can skip the line, or come whenever you want. Just take one night off for yourself. You deserve it.”
You chewed your lower lip, feeling apprehensive. You and Bucky had done enough hard work over the last few days to compensate for the rest of the week, essentially clearing your schedule.
Looking into Bucky’s eyes—seeing the blue glimmer with hope just like the Greek ocean does on a sunny day—made it so much harder to say no. He had done so much for you these past few weeks, and the very least you could do was watch him do something he was truly passionate about.
“Fine. But only if you play my favorite tracks,” you said with a teasing smile.
Bucky blinked, as if he hadn’t heard you right.
Then, his lips pulled into the biggest, brightest grin you’d ever seen from him. His grip on your hips tightened before trailing up to your waist. Hell, he’d delete this entire set he had been working on for months if it meant you’d come watch him.
He was so overjoyed with excitement that he didn’t offer any words to prove it.
Instead, he pulled your waist a little tighter, tilted his head up, and kissed you.
You froze, your eyes going wide as his warm lips connected with yours.
You?
Kissing Bucky?
You never thought you would see the day. But the second his slick lips began to dance with yours—the second his tongue pushed past your lips to taste you—it was like all the stress from before this, all the emotional drain from your breakup with John, disappeared in an instant.
“Mmm,” you moaned into the kiss. Your hands flew to the back of his neck, burying into his messy brown hair and giving it a firm tug that made him groan right back against your mouth.
Bucky’s hands slid up from your waist, his large palms smoothing against your ribs and moving to your back to pull you closer against him.
He tasted like the cold beer, but his mouth was intoxicating heat.
Bucky had his fair share of kisses with women—just as you had your fair share of makeout sessions with John. But neither of you had to say a single word to know that this was it. This kiss shared between you two was like no other.
His hands roamed under your tank top, his fingers tickling your lower back as he trailed upward.
Of course, you had no bra on. You never wore one in this suffocating summer heat. That was one of Bucky’s favorite things about you.
Bucky broke the kiss to catch his breath, his head leaning back against the chair to gaze up at you. His eyes flickered down, lifting the hem of your shirt to reveal your smooth belly. He had seen your midriff from a distance whenever you bent over in your office—but never up close like this.
He groaned hungrily, then leaned in, pressing soft, warm kisses to your abdomen.
“A—ah, Bucky…” you mewled, squirming from the ticklish sensation.
He looked up at you with the softest eyes a boy could have, leaning his cheek right against your fluttering stomach. His stubble made you ticklish, but he didn’t pull away.
“I love it when you say my name like that,” he sighed dreamily. “You’re so beautiful.”
Your face warmed and you stammered, avoiding eye contact.
It was clear to Bucky that you weren’t used to receiving compliments, especially not from your no-good ex-boyfriend, John Walker.
But that was okay, because Bucky was here to change that.
“The most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” he murmured. You tried to shy away from his compliment again, but his fingers trailed up to your chin, tilting your head down so you were forced to look at him.
“The prettiest eyes, the prettiest smile,” his thumb traced patterns on your bare hip. “And the prettiest lips. God, those lips.”
He leaned in to press his lips against yours once more. Your tongues danced in a warm embrace as he slowly began to undress you, starting with your tank top. His hands eagerly lifted the fabric, breaking the kiss momentarily just so he could pull it over your head before his mouth crashed right back down onto yours.
In between kisses, he would murmur things like, “So beautiful,” and “Mine,” every soft word matching the steady blood flow pumping from his heart and straight to cock.
When his hands found the button of your shorts, you rolled your hips forward, grinding that hot, delicious heat right against the growing bulge in his jeans.
He chuckled raspily against your lips before pulling away, his lips swollen and his chin sheen with exchanged saliva.
“Eager little thing, are you?”
You groaned in annoyance, though it sounded incredibly sexy to his ears.
You worked at his belt, then moved to the button of his jeans. “Take these off.”
Bucky clicked his tongue. His hand caught your wrist, gently prying it away from his pants. “You’ve ought to learn how to say please.”
His arms wrapped securely around your body, lifting you up from the chair so suddenly that you yelped, wrapping your legs around his waist instinctively. He led you quickly over to the edge of his bed, setting your body down and tucking himself right between your thighs.
“Besides,” he breathed, eagerly pulling your shorts down along with your panties and throwing them over his shoulder. “I’m still not done with you. I want to take my time worshiping this fucking body.”
You lay there sprawled out and bare while Bucky was still fully clothed. It was overwhelming, but you didn’t have time to fully process it before Bucky’s head tucked between your thighs, his nose pressing to your base as he inhaled deeply.
“Fuck, you’re dripping already.”
You arched your back, letting out a shocked gasp. “B-Bucky—! What are you—!”
“Relax,” he murmured against your sensitive skin, his hands finding your outer thighs and prying them wider for him. “Just want to taste you, baby.”
Bucky’s tongue swiped flat against your dripping center, the tip of his tongue flicking your sensitive clit. He groaned, letting the taste of you linger on his mouth.
He glanced to look at you between your legs, and the sight of your face—brows pinching together with your bottom lip caught between your teeth—made his cock painfully hard. You lying bare in front of him was an invitation for him to sink his cock into you, but he wanted to savor this.
He tucked his head back down, lapping at your pussy sloppily. His warm tongue would tease your entrance with every flick, before slowly dragging up. He’d press his whole mouth against your pussy, pushing his tongue deep against your clit and dragging his tongue up and down quickly to make you cry out in pleasure.
“Bucky—please, oh god, Bucky—!”
He swirled his tongue around the swollen peak of your clit, sucking it into his mouth with a light tug that had your toes curling around his head.
You were so deprived of intimate touches, never being ate out in a way that Bucky was eating you out, and you already felt like you were about to cum embarrassingly fast.
“Don’t stop, I’m gonna cum—” you whimpered, hand coming up to your mouth to muffle your cries.
Bucky had no intention of stopping.
He doubled his efforts, the sound of his wet tongue squelching against your cunt, lapping at every drip your arousal gave him. He was eager to make you fall apart, to listen to you cry out his name as you came all over his face.
Bucky inhaled sharply as you began riding his tongue with abandon. You were being selfish—chasing your high. He knew you were that kind of woman, to take what you wanted, and fuck, did he love you for it. Especially when you’re riding his face for your own pleasure, not even caring if he could breathe or not.
“Yes, yes, yes,” you moaned, tossing your head. “Fuck me with your tongue, Bucky. I’m gonna cum—!”
Your eyes went wide when you realized you were about to let out more than you could handle. But you couldn’t stop—not when Bucky was pressing his tongue firmly against your clit and holding your thighs down with his strong hands.
“Bucky—wait, I…” before you could warn him, your back arched off the bed into a cry.
Your orgasm came hot and hard, pleasure suddenly flooding your senses as you felt yourself gush around his tongue. Bucky’s face was drowning with your juices, your puffy cunt clenching around his mouth. Your wet essence trickled down your thighs and stained his bedsheets vulgarly, leaving a wet spot beneath you.
“Oh my god,” you panted, face burning hot as you fought to catch your breath.
Bucky finally pulled away, a smug grin plastered on his face while his chin was dripping with your juice. You watched as he licked his lips, the gesture only making you want to sink deeper into his bed from embarrassment.
“Look at that,” he kneeled back, hand rubbing his hard cock through his jeans. “You made a real mess on my bed.”
Your eyes were shamelessly glued to the way his dick was printed against his pants. It was strained tight against the denim, and you could see the heavy outline of his tip, spurting pre-cum and dampening his thigh with his own juice.
“I’m… I’m sorry…”
Bucky chuckled—a deep, raspy sound that made you clench around nothing.
“God, baby. You’ve got my dick so hard, it hurts,” he rasped, finally pulling his cock out of his pants and kicking the article off the bed. “You already came so much. I don’t know if you can go another round.”
You weren’t sure, either. But with the way he was jerking himself off, that heavy string of pre-cum dangling from his tip, and the way his balls looked so full and desperate for relief, you were determined to go another.
He crawled over you, dragging his tip along your shaking inner thigh and against your entrance, coating himself in your wetness as he probed you.
You were so sensitive, your pussy puffy and aching, yet when he pushed his tip in to test you, your cunt parted for him so easily. You winced, your overworked pussy already fluttering around his tip despite yourself.
“Please, Bucky…” you whined, and it might’ve been the cutest thing Bucky had ever heard. “Put it in. It hurts…”
“It hurts? Aw, baby. But I bet you’re not hurting as much as I am.” He grabbed your hand, guiding it down to his cock. It was so hot, his skin smooth as it twitched under your fingertips. “Feel that? It’s aching for you, baby.”
Bucky grabbed your hips, aligning himself perfectly so he could sink in deeper, pushing his tip past your tight walls until half of his cock was embraced by your warmth.
“Fuck, you’re tight… even after cumming,” he hissed, his face tightening as he eagerly pushed his hips forward to stretch you out. “Like you were made for this.”
Already sensitive, the sudden fullness was overwhelming. A high-pitched gasp tore from your throat as your walls clamped down hard on him, tightening around the middle of his cock where he was thickest.
You whimpered and winced, trying to accommodate him, and Bucky felt his heart soar.
You were usually always so demanding, wound up so tight from constantly being overworked, and now you were wound up tight from his cock bottoming out in your pussy. Each moan and gasp of breath that left your lips made his cock twitch and his balls heavier.
“Those cute little noises—it makes my cock throb so hard,” he groaned.
Once his cock was fully sheathed inside, he started to pick up the pace, his balls slapping against you with wet and obscene smacks. His room—usually filled with the sounds of his music—was now filled with the sounds of your moans, and that was the greatest sound Bucky had ever produced.
He was fucking you so deep, each thrust met with curses and grunts. “So fucking beautiful,” “What a tight little pussy, fuck.” “You’re gonna make me cum so fast. M’already getting close…”
Each moan that left his lips made white spots dance around your vision. He was so deep, you could feel him in your gut. Pressure was building fast in your lower abdomen—a fullness that was equally agonizing and overwhelming.
Bucky’s big body was enveloping yours, his chest pressed into your sweaty one as he rocked his hips sensual and deep. He quickened his pace, in and out, in and out, until he felt his balls clench up.
“Shit, shit—” he gasped into your shoulder. “Not gonna last.”
Your pussy was like a drug. It was addicting, the way you would squeeze and flutter around him. Despite him making you squirt all over his sheets just minutes ago, you were already edging on your next orgasm. He felt every ripple and pulse your cunt had to offer—pumping him with your pussy before you cried out in pleasure so overwhelming, it made you see stars.
“Bucky!” you screamed, “oh my god—I’m cumming again—I can’t—”
Fuck, this was the fastest he had ever came.
“Please tell me you’re on the pill,” he pleaded with a broken voice.
That was essentially your warning that he was gonna cum inside. And when you nodded, that was his invitation to do it.
His entire body coiled up tight as he started pumping you full of his backed up seed. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had sex before you. All that mattered now was that his balls were finally being drained inside the person he wanted to pump them in the most—his precious landlord.
“Shit. I’m cumming, fuck! You’re squeezing me so tight—” he gasped as his body collapsed over you, huffing angry groans as his body tensed—draining every drop of his cum into your overly fucked pussy.
The two of you lay tangled in each other’s sweaty limbs, melting under the shared, musky scent of sex.
While Bucky was catching his breath, he peppered you with wet kisses—to your collarbones, shoulders, neck, and chin.
“You’re so pretty. Could lay with you forever—just like this.”
Who knew that Bucky Barnes, of all people, was the one person you slept with who made you feel more pleasure and adored than John ever had?
Your heart felt too big for your chest, and you felt like you wanted to cry. The way he held you and murmured sweet things to soothe your heart—it all became too much.
A small sniffling sound escaped you before you could stop it, and Bucky caught it immediately. He tilted his head up and looked at you, wide eyed.
“Hey, hey,” he cooed so softly, his palms coming up to caress your cheeks so you would look at him. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
Bucky was so soft, looking at you with wide, adoring eyes, like you were the only woman in the world and the only one he wanted to be with. It was hard to believe that this was the same man who always made sure to get a rise out of you just weeks ago.
“I’m… I’m okay,” you stammered. “I just… didn’t expect all this.”
Bucky frowned, his touch so delicate as if he were afraid of hurting you.
“I’m sorry—”
“No, don’t apologize,” you interjected gently, your fingers running through his sweaty strands of dark hair so you could see his eyes. “I loved every bit of it.”
He searched your eyes, his brows furrowing with vulnerability as he tried to find the truth in your words. When you held his gaze, showing how sincere you were, his frown tilted back into a sheepish smile—a far cry from his usually smug grins that you always wanted to wipe off.
“Good. Because I don’t regret a single bit of it,” he leaned in, capturing your lips with a wet kiss. “You better come on Friday. Watch me play. Then, after my set, we’ll come back home and make love all over again.”
You grinned at how blatant he was. But lying here with him, soaked up in each other’s essence, it was hard for you to say no.
“Fine. I’ll take your word for it.”
With how busy you were taking care of the complex, Friday night came in the blink of an eye.
Despite living in Greece, on an island notorious for its nightlife, you weren’t a fan of clubbing at all. You were always so busy, elbows deep in the run down housing complex just to keep it afloat—so naturally, you didn’t have anything to wear.
When you had asked Bucky for advice, he told you, “Whether you wear a short skimpy dress or a skirt that goes down to your ankles, I’ll be tearing it off later in bed.”
You had rolled your eyes at that before settling on a dress that was far too short and far too tight for your liking. But you couldn’t be bothered to care, considering the club would be dark and packed enough with bodies that no one would notice your outfit anyway.
You arrived later than you had anticipated, having been caught up with last minute paperwork and calls. By the time you got there, the club was already packed nearly shoulder to shoulder, with colorful neon strobe lights dancing across the crowd.
Your eyes naturally gravitated to the stage, where a familiar—if slightly fancier—DJ setup stood right in the center.
And of course, Bucky was right behind it.
He was manning the mixer, getting lost in his own music while the lights danced around him. One hand was resting on the mixer while the other rested on his headset. He kept his promise of playing your favorite tracks—and you couldn’t help but smile with the way he had everyone dancing in the center.
You felt out of place, standing awkwardly by the bar while everyone danced drunkenly around you. Unlike Bucky, this was not your element at all. But you took the night off, making a promise to yourself, and Bucky, that you would enjoy yourself.
Remembering Bucky’s instructions from earlier that day, “Just go up to the bar, tell them you’re with me, and get whatever you want,” you pushed your way through the crowd to get the bartender’s attention for a drink.
A guy with a slammed expression who looked like he’d been dealing with unruly tourists all night finally looked at you.
“Hey,” you shouted over the music.
“What’ll it be, miss?”
“A double Tsipouro—I’m with Bucky,” you hiked your thumb over your shoulder, pointing at the DJ who was currently mixing your favorite track.
The bartender paused, looking at Bucky on stage, then back at you with an irritated scoff.
“Yeah, like I’ve never heard that one before,” he grabbed a double shot glass, filled it to the brim, and slid it towards you. “That’ll be €8.”
You frowned. You contemplated on arguing back, but the local girls next to you giggled after they eavesdropped on the interaction, and by then, the bartender was already tending to the next person.
With a sigh that felt almost self-deprecating, you downed the shot without a chaser, and tried to enjoy the rest of the night listening to Bucky’s set without letting that interaction get to you.
After a couple of shots—that you all paid for—you went from being buzzed to intoxicated. You were dancing by yourself in the crowd, relishing every bass and beat that Bucky was throwing up on stage. When an unexpected hand came to rest on your lower back, you instantly spun around to tell the guy off.
“Hey, get your hands off—!” but you stopped when you saw Steve standing right in front of you with Sam right next to him.
“If it isn’t Bucky’s landlord,” Sam teased with a tone that brought good intentions, “I didn’t think we’d ever see you here.”
“Did Bucky drag you out tonight?” Steve asked.
With the alcohol bubbling in your bloodstream, you weren’t sure if you hid your flustered expression well.
You had no clue how much Bucky had told his friends about you—how you two were technically a ‘thing’ now, despite not officially talking about it.
“Yeah,” you shouted back. “He wanted me to come out tonight to watch his set. He’s really good.”
“He definitely is,” Steve agreed, then grabbed your hand. “Well, if you’re out here to party, better make the most of it.”
You laughed as Sam and Steve pulled you further into a clearer pocket of the crowd. With the two guys next to you—warding off the other drunk men who tried getting close to you—you actually started to let loose. You were laughing, your chest feeling lighter than it had in months.
During a transition, you looked up at the stage to see if Bucky had noticed you in the crowd yet.
But then your smile faltered, and you realized you were no longer dancing.
A small group of girls—dressed in tight outfits and looking beautiful—had managed to bypass the side security and were now crowding his DJ setup. They were drunk, based on the way they were stumbling and trying to grind on Bucky—who you thought was just trying to focus on his music. But he smiled.
You didn’t know if that was him trying to save face because he was right there, in front of a whole crowd, but from where you were standing, it seemed like he enjoyed every bit of the attention they were giving him.
You looked down, suddenly feeling incredibly self conscious in your dress.
“Don’t worry about that,” Sam reassured you as he continued dancing. “People get on stage all the time, no matter who’s playing. His set is ending soon, anyway.”
Based on Sam and Steve’s expressions, they weren’t soothing your insecurities, but rather assuming you were just expressing concern for a friend’s safety. They didn’t know you and Bucky had a thing going on at all.
You tried to push those thoughts away for the rest of the night, but how could you? Not when every single time you looked up to see Bucky—the person you came out tonight for—he was being smothered by and dancing with half dressed girls.
You tried to get lost in the music, but instead, you were getting lost in your own thoughts.
It was a horrible, familiar feeling.
It was the exact same feeling you had felt with John, who had sworn he only had eyes for you while routinely crossing boundaries, making you feel like you were crazy for caring, and eventually cheating on you. You had promised yourself you would never let a man make you feel that way again.
And yet, here you were.
You thought about the night you and Bucky had just shared. But what was it to him? Just a fun distraction with his landlord? The woman he always swore he hated? Were you just another checkbox on his list—one he sought after simply because you were ‘playing hard to get’ in his eyes?
Bucky was a playboy. His friends knew it. You knew it. And hell, even the only other tenant in the complex—who was deaf, mind you—knew it.
You were the one who had to watch him constantly bring different girls back to his place week after week. You were the one always barging in on them with noise complaints. He was charming, hot, and clearly popular in clubs, and he knew exactly what to say to get what he wanted.
“Just go up to the bar, tell them you’re with me, and get whatever you want.”
And on top of it all, you remembered what the bartender had said.
“Yeah, like I’ve never heard that one before.”
He had heard it before because Bucky had probably used that exact same line on a dozen other girls.
You weren’t special.
You were just the latest girl on his list, foolish enough to believe his sweet compliments after he ravished you in bed—the very same bed he had shared with countless other women.
Tears stung the backs of your eyes, blurring the flashing strobe lights into a messy smear of color. Your throat choked up, your chest tightening so hard it hurt to breathe.
“Hey,” Steve leaned down, noticing your expression. “You okay?”
You couldn’t even answer him. If you opened your mouth, a sob would escape.
You tried to give Bucky the benefit of the doubt—that this was just his job, that he had to put on a pretty smile and perform. But as you looked up and saw him with a drunk smile, leaning closer to a woman who had her hand on his chest and was shouting something in his ear, that was it for you.
“Sorry, I—I… um, I forgot to finish some paperwork that’s due tomorrow morning,” you lied, trying your best to sound steady. “Have fun tonight.”
Steve and Sam offered to take you home, but you couldn’t let them. You needed to be alone.
And that’s exactly what you did.
You took a cab back by yourself, drunkenly stumbling into the complex’s office with only one thing on your mind. It wasn’t because of stupid paperwork or bills. It was to tear up Bucky’s lease.
You shoved the key into the lock with a clumsy hand. Bursting inside the small office, you slammed the door shut behind you.
The office was dark, but sitting right there in the very center was Alpine. The white cat lifted her head from her food bowl, kibble crumbs decorating her white, fuzzy chin as she blinked tiredly at you.
The sight of her made the tears spill over your cheeks. You were intoxicated, heartbroken, and your emotions were at an all time high— looking at the cat you two took care of together only made the anger burn hotter in your already fragile heart.
“Don’t look at me like that,” you choked out, pointing a shaky finger at the cat. “You and your stupid dad. Your stupid, lying, playboy dad!”
Alpine blinked before letting out a mighty yawn for such a small body. Then, she turned her attention back to her food, completely indifferent to your emotional breakdown.
“Yeah, go ahead and eat!” you cried, wiping furiously at your wet face. “Enjoy it, because both of you are packing your bags! He thinks he can just… smile and say the right things, and I’ll just let my guard down and let him in?”
You marched past the cat and stormed over to the filing cabinets. You grabbed the handle of the bottom drawer and yanked it open so hard that it rattled.
“Where is it…” you muttered, your vision blurred by tears as you began rummaging through the folders. You tossed utility bills, maintenance requests, and old plumbing receipts over your shoulder. “Where is that stupid piece of paper?”
You were going to find his lease.
You were going to tear it into a million pieces, throw it in his face, and kick Bucky Barnes out of your complex.
The office door suddenly pushed open, and you jumped at the unexpected intruder who just barged in.
Bucky stood in the doorway, his chest heaving as the moonlight outlined his body from behind. Any other woman probably would’ve seen him as a god, but to you, he just looked like a man spawned from the very depths of hell.
He looked like he had run all the way from the club—but he couldn’t have, not with how fast he got here.
“Why did you come back here?” He panted.
“Get out of my sight,” you mumbled, so quietly that it was like a part of you didn’t want to mean it.
He ignored you, stepping closer as he caught his breath. “Steve told me you left before I could finish my set—said that you had paperwork to do, but that can’t be right. You told me you cleared your schedule just so you could go to the club tonight—”
“Yeah—well, plans change,” you muttered, finally pulling his folder out from the others. You sorted through it until you found his paperwork, gripping it firmly in your hands.
When Bucky stepped closer and realized what you were doing—your fingers positioned in a way that looked suspiciously like you were about to rip it—he stormed over and snatched the paper right out of your hands.
“What the hell are you doing with that?!”
You glared up at him, your head spinning so fast it hurt. “I’m tearing up your lease. I’m evicting you.”
Bucky blinked, his face a mixture of frustration and confusion.
“Are you trying to play with me right now?” He sighed, setting the paper safely on top of the filing cabinet before bending down to try and lift you up. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed. You’re drunk right now—”
You slapped his hands away, pushing yourself up to stand on your own. “What? Get me in bed so you can add me to the long roster of women you fuck?”
“What?” Bucky’s eyes went wide, looking nearly as hurt as you felt just from that accusation alone. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t think I don’t know!” a sob ripped from your throat, and you hated how weak it made you sound. “You and your notorious record for being nothing but a player who plays stupid music. You know—it makes sense, actually!”
You hiccuped, slurring your words between tears.
“You being a DJ and playing in clubs and all. It’s such a classic tale, isn’t it? How easy it is for men like you to just… pick up women and bring them home in the middle of the night. And I’m always the one cleaning up your messes and kicking them out the next morning,” you laughed at yourself.
You probably looked insane in his eyes, but you didn’t care.
“Now, look at me. I’m the mess, and no one is there to clean me up. I was stupid to think I was different.”
What the hell were you saying?
None of it even made sense to you anymore. All you felt was an overwhelming wave of anger and hurt. Your head was pounding so bad that you just wanted to lie down and sob until there were no more tears left.
Despite every cruel word you hurled at him, Bucky didn’t get angry. How could he? When almost every word you said was nothing but the truth. All the talk about him being a player, blasting his stupid music loud enough to hurt your eardrums—he couldn’t deny any of it.
Except for one thing, and that was you thinking you weren’t different.
With a soft sigh, his shoulders slumped. He stepped closer, moving quietly so as to not startle you like a cat. When he was finally within reach, he wrapped his arms tightly around your body, pulling you close against his chest in a comforting hug.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered gently against your temple, his voice rough. “You saw all those girls huddled around me at the club, didn’t you? I’m so sorry I made you feel like this.”
You jammed your fists against his chest, weak and uncoordinated. But the alcohol had drained all your strength, leaving you hollowed out and drowning in your own tears.
Bucky took every pathetic blow you gave him, and instead of pulling away, he just tightened his arms around you. With a broken sob, you collapsed into his chest, burying your wet face in his shirt.
You hated this. You hated how every time you were upset, Bucky was always right there, comforting you in this very office. And you especially hated that, despite him being the cause of your current distress, you were still seeking his comfort.
One of his large hands came up to cradle the back of your head, his fingers caressing through your hair, while his other arm held you around your waist.
“I’ve got you, baby. Just breathe.”
You were a weeping, hiccuping mess, your shoulders shaking violently as months of built up insecurity and old, unhealed wounds from John came pouring out all at once. You stained his shirt with your tears and ruined makeup, but Bucky didn’t seem to care at all.
He just held you, swaying you slightly from side to side in the quiet, dark office.
“I know what you’re scared of,” Bucky started with a gentle murmur. “You’ve gotten your heart broken, and you’re scared of opening up and getting hurt again.”
He rested his chin on your head with a sigh, looking blankly at the wall with eyes full of regret.
“And I don’t blame you for feeling that way towards me. I’ve been an awful guy to you from the start, and even now, I failed to make you feel secure with me.” He pressed a kiss to your temple, hoping it would help.
“There was no woman that came before you, and I have no intentions of anyone coming after.”
You wanted to believe him, but everything that left his mouth was just noise. Even drunk and vulnerable, you could feel your heart closing on him to shut him out.
You slowly pulled back, your hands pressing against his chest—not out of anger, but out of a desperate need for distance.
Bucky let you go reluctantly, his hands sliding down to rest loosely on your hips, his blue eyes searching your face with a fragile and heartbreaking hope that made it even harder for you to look away.
“I can’t do this, Bucky,” you whispered. “I like you. I like you so much, and I want to love you... but I can’t. I don’t want to get hurt again. I just want things to go back to the way it was before. Me as your landlord, and you as my tenant. That’s it.”
Bucky knew he deserved every ounce of your doubt, but he hadn’t braced himself for the hurt that came with it.
Still, he forced a pained, tight lipped smile, his eyes telling you just how much he was hurting. His hands twitched on your hips, a painful urge passing through him to pull you back, to hold you against his chest and never let you go.
The words I love you rushed to the tip of his tongue, burning to be said. He wanted to shout it, to promise you the world, to prove to you that he was entirely yours.
But as he looked down at your tear-stained face—at the exhaustion and fear written in your eyes, all because of him—he stopped himself.
Even drunk, you still had the strength to look out for yourself. And because he cared about you more than his own need to fix things, he respected your wishes. He wouldn’t use your vulnerability to force a confession on you. He had always been a selfish man, but he couldn’t afford to be one now.
Bucky swallowed hard, a visible lump forming in his throat as he forced the words back down. His shoulders slumped as he finally accepted defeat.
Slowly, his hands dropped from your hips. He took a single step backward, giving you the space you asked for.
“I get it. I’ll leave you alone. But if you’re ever ready to open your heart to someone again—please, let me be that person.”
Bucky kept his word and left you alone.
Yet, there were countless times when he found himself pacing in his room, or lingering just outside your office, waiting to see if you would open your heart to him again. He held onto the smallest bit of hope that the words you had shouted in a drunken blaze were words you didn’t truly mean—that they had simply come from a place of deeply unhealed hurt.
He stayed close, waiting for a knock on his door, hoping you would tell him you were ready to talk. But that knock never came.
Just like him, you also kept your word and went right back to treating him as if he were nothing more than the annoying tenant from the very beginning.
He still helped you around the complex whenever he had the time—entirely on his own insistence. But every time he found himself in the same room as you, you would make up some excuse just to get away from him.
“I need to stop by the store and buy litter for Alpine.”
“Georgia forgot to pick up her mail. I’m going to hand it to her.”
You were like a stone of indifference—not happy, but not angry either. It was starting to get frustrating.
He knew he should have respected your space, but the more you strayed away from him—not only emotionally, but physically—the more restless he grew. Maybe it was the immature side of him creeping in, but he started to take your pleas as a challenge. You wanted things to go back to normal? Back to how things were before his heart fell for you?
Fine. He would make sure to do exactly that.
The next afternoon, the entire building—which had been quiet for the past few days—began to shake.
It was that same, robotic warping noise that always rattled the ceiling of your office. It started with the usual thump, thump, thump, before the bass dropped into the most annoying sound nonsense you had ever heard in your life.
It was Bucky’s music. Except this was nothing like the tracks he knew you actually liked, and it was louder than it had been in months.
For the past few weeks, he had been playing his music through headphones or keeping the volume respectful. But right now, he was blasting it with a vengeance, the aggressive electronic beats making the light fixtures tremble.
You tried to ignore it for ten minutes. You tried to focus on your paperwork, but the relentless oonts oonts oonts was making your teeth rattle and your head pound. You knew exactly what he was playing at. He was trying to get your attention—but you wouldn’t give in. You refused to.
But then, a family of tourists walked past the front of your office. The daughter pointed up at the building, and the mother scrunched her nose, shaking her head in disapproval at the noise.
Shoving your chair back, you marched out of the office and stormed up the stairs.
You banged on Bucky’s door roughly. “Bucky! Turn that music down right now!”
You were furious, but for Bucky, this was the greatest moment of his week. He grinned, pretending not to hear you, and bumped the volume up just a tad louder.
You knocked again, but he ignored it. When you started cursing under your breath—which Bucky thought was the cutest thing he’d heard in what felt like forever, aside from Alpine’s meows—you finally fished out your master keys to unlock his door yourself.
“Do you mind?” you snapped, stepping into his apartment. “I have potential tenants walking past, and your absolute garbage music is running them off!”
Bucky was leaning back in his chair, lazily reaching over to slide a fader down.
“Garbage?” Bucky echoed, the cocky grin on his face not shrinking one bit. “You didn’t call it that when you were sitting on my lap and playing with my mixer, sweetheart.”
Your eyes widened—whether with anger or embarrassment, he couldn’t tell. Either way, he had gotten a reaction out of you, and to him, that was like a man finally finding water in the desert.
“Just turn it down!” you demanded, already turning away and slamming the door shut behind you.
Throughout the rest of the week, Bucky realized he couldn’t hold your attention for more than five minutes with just his music blasting alone.
He was working on a mix—one that wasn’t meant for his club sets, but one that would definitely catch your attention. What was distracting him more, though, was the sound of your giggles echoing all the way from your office.
A tourist had been sitting in there with you. Initially, Bucky thought it was just a potential renter. But as the minutes dragged into over an hour, he realized that the man in question had absolutely no intention of signing a lease. He was trying to get with you.
With the floorboards being so thin, Bucky could hear everything. The guy was a blatant flirt, and you were laughing and giggling cutely at every single word he said, convinced you were just sealing the deal on an apartment.
Bucky, moved by petty retaliation, queued up special track he was working on.
The beat was slower than usual—the exact kind that would have people drunkenly grinding against each other at a club. He dialed a knob, weaving the explicit, unmistakable sound of a woman’s breathless moans right into the track, letting it echo loudly through the thin flooring.
Downstairs, your laugh died in your throat.
Your eyes widened slightly, your jaw hanging loose before a rush of heat flooded your cheeks. The tourist blinked, his charming smile faltering as the loud, provocative audio filled the small office space.
“What an interesting song,” he forced an awkward chuckle. “Didn’t know you had a DJ living in here.”
You sat stiffly in your chair, a storm of emotions thundering in your chest. Embarrassment came first, but right behind it was a wave of shock and a sickening twist of jealousy that nearly choked you.
He brought a girl over? While I'm down here working?
He actually had the audacity to do that after everything he said to you? After he said he’d be your person once you opened your heart again?
“So, anyway,” the tourist continued, oblivious. “Since you’re a local—do you think you could show me some cool spots around here? Maybe we could start with dinner?”
You didn’t even realize how jealous you actually were until that exact moment.
Knowing that another woman might be in his apartment, touching him, making those sounds, made your blood boil and your fists curl tightly under the desk. You thought you were protecting your heart by keeping him at a distance, but hearing this only proved your heart was still hopelessly tied to him.
And right now, those ties were threatening to snap and hit him right in the face.
“Excuse me,” you choked out to the man seated in front of you, abruptly stepping away from your desk.
Every step up the stairs was a stomp accentuated by your anger, the explicit moaning getting louder and more humiliating with every flight you climbed. By the time you reached his door, you were already drowning in an emotional cocktail of rage and heartbreak.
You threw the door open, ready to scream at him and whatever woman he had hidden away in his room.
“What the fuck is your problem, Bucky!”
The door banged hard against the wall as you stormed into the apartment, your chest heaving, your vision tunneling with pure rage. You were so flustered, so blindingly angry, that the words just started spilling out of you before you could even think to filter them. You were desperate to cover up the humiliating jealousy tearing through you, but it only made you sound more unhinged.
“I am trying to run a business downstairs! I just had a guy down there, a potential tenant, and then... then you had to go and bring some woman over and—and do this while—”
You paused, letting your eyes sweep across the room, only to find an empty bed.
“Where is she?” you hissed.
Bucky leaned back in his chair, leg crossing the other as he folded his arms over his chest, looking far too smug for his own good.
“Where’s who?”
Your brow twitched with annoyance. You huffed a stray hair out of your face, waving a hand around the room. “The girl.”
Bucky tilted his head, playing dumb. “What girl?”
“The girl!” you screeched out. “The girl you have over right now—that’s… that’s making all these vulgar and indecent moaning noises because you don’t know how to keep your dick, much less your promises, in your pants for more than a week!”
Bucky’s lips quirked up into a smile.
“I have been keeping both of those in my pants, thank you very much.” He turned back to his screen, his hands hovering over his mixer. “And you mean your vulgar and repulsive moaning noises?”
You crossed your arms tightly over your chest, defensive. “What?”
“Listen to it closely,” he said, slowly amping the volume up. Your soft and breathy moans of pleasure filled the room.
“That’s you.”
Your face twisted. With the heavy distortion overlaid by the beat, you couldn’t tell if he was just pulling your tail or being serious. You didn’t even remember recording anything like that when you played with his mixer.
“Stop playing in my face, Bucky.”
Bucky, still impassive as ever, simply shrugged. “You don’t recognize your own voice?”
Then, a breathy little whine came in that sounded much too familiar. “Bucky, Bucky, oh—”
Your eyes shot open so wide that your pupils stung. That was you, no doubt about it, just remixed in a way that an outsider couldn’t tell.
“That’s you moaning my name, sweetheart,” Bucky said, turning to you again with a smile.
He watched as your once angry posture began to deflate into a look of pure embarrassment. You started to stammer, your eyes darting everywhere in the room that wasn’t him. “I… I—I don’t even remember recording that.”
Bucky pushed himself off the chair with a light groan, sauntering over to you with confidence now that he knew he had the upper hand.
“You pressed the record button yourself when you were playing with my table a few weeks ago,” he explained casually.
Standing in front of you, he lifted his hand to gently caress your cheek. When his palm made contact with your soft skin without you pushing him away, his smile grew wider, and the prideful flames in his heart glowed hotter.
“What’s with that face?” he taunted, his voice low and gravelly in a way that did nothing but make your heart race faster. “After everything I said to you, did you really think I would bring a girl up here? Hm?”
Bucky tilted his head, trying to meet your eyes, which were currently glued to the ground—refusing to give him any attention.
“Don’t tell me—are you jealous?”
He knew the answer, and you did too—you just didn’t want to admit it. Despite you telling him, “No more relationship!” there was a part of you that didn’t want anyone else to have him, as selfish as it might be.
“No,” you lied.
“Okay,” he hummed in amusement. “But I am.”
You scoffed. “What are you on about?”
His eyes trailed the curves of your face—the very curves he had fallen in love with and peppered with kisses just a few weeks ago.
“I’m jealous over the fact that you have a guy downstairs making you laugh, when I haven’t seen a smile from you in days,” he murmured, letting his thumb brush over your lower lip. The sensation made you shudder.
You hated how much you were leaning into his touch. And you hated even more how much you liked the idea of him being jealous over you, just as you had been over the simple thought of him having another woman over.
“I’ve tried so hard to be patient,” he continued. “To wait and see if you’ll open your heart to me again. To see if you’ll finally let your walls down and believe the words I said. But I can’t be patient when there’s a guy down there capturing your attention so easily, when the only way I can get yours is by playing loud music.”
“And you playing a track with my moans in it makes you think you’ll win me over?” You furrowed your brows at him. “If anything, it only pisses me off. You’re distracting me and my customers, and I need you to stop.”
You tried to make yourself sound more furious than you actually felt, but it didn’t translate very well. Bucky simply licked his lower lip before catching it in a subtle bite, making your body tingle all over again.
“I’ll stop,” he promised. “If you give me just one more chance to prove to you how much I care about you and how serious I am.”
You wanted to hold onto your anger, to keep that shield locked up with the key swallowed. But as you stared at him, hearing every sweet word that came out of his mouth, you realized how terribly you missed him.
God, you missed him.
You missed the moments when he would hold you in his arms after every problem, big or small. You missed the stupid afternoons down in the office, when you were supposed to be doing paperwork but ended up doing baseless chores with him instead—with Alpine inevitably scrambling up onto the desk and squeezing right between you two, demanding her own share of the attention. You missed hearing his music up close, sitting right on his lap while he guided your hand with his on the turntable.
You tried your best to keep your face stoic, to force down the screaming of longing in your chest so you wouldn’t cave. But Bucky saw right through you. He watched your shoulders ease up slightly, the way you chewed at your lower lip, and the way you were slowly unlocking that key in your heart.
Letting out a reluctant sigh that sounded like music to his ears, you mumbled, “Fine.”
Bucky’s smile widened.
“But you better not play this track anywhere. Not even to Steve or Sam,” you continued before he could speak, swatting weakly at his chest. “I’ll shoot you dead, Barnes—I mean it. That track is for your ears only.”
Rather than backing off, Bucky reached down and wrapped his arms firmly around your lower waist, pulling you close against him until your hips hit his, making you fluster at the proximity.
“Deal,” he whispered, leaning down even closer. “I’ll delete it if it makes you feel better, but only if I get to make you moan again like that for real—live and in person.”
Your breath hitched as his lips slid down to the line of your jaw, his stubble scraping pleasantly against your skin. Even though you two had been together like this before, the sudden closeness after days of agonizing distance made everything feel brand new, yet exactly right.
It was a feeling that, despite everything, you missed all too much.
“Don’t get your hopes up,” you breathed out as a final and weak attempt at keeping your guard up.
Bucky’s lips hummed deliciously against your neck, his mind already filled with things more than just hope.
“I’ll try.”
if you've made it this far, i hope you enjoyed, and thank you so much for reading! while you're here, might i suggest taking the opportunity to check out the bwat summer masterlist that this fic is part of here!
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⭐︎ warnings: nsfw, civil war canon compliant, smut, mentions of size difference, widows have a red room variant of a super soldier serum, sexual tension, enemies to lovers, sex pollen, touch starved, bucky is so down bad, dry humping, bucky is a virgin, virginity loss, premature ejaculation, multiple orgasms, body worshiping, arguments, banter, physical fights as foreplay
⭐︎ word count: 11.1k
⭐︎ a/n: first time writing for civil war bucky and a black widow/avenger reader, kinda nervous. this is also my first attempt writing sex pollen. i hope i make the founding fathers proud with this one. gif
synopsis:
While Bucky Barnes is on the run, Steve entrusts you to look after his old friend while the rest of the team tries to resolve the conflict with Tony Stark peacefully. As if babysitting a grumpy ex-Hydra soldier wasn't hard enough, an airborne toxin gets released—one designed to weaken a super soldier's resolve with the intention to trap them... and an unexpected side effect that skyrockets their libido.
Between the constant bickering and fighting for your life, you have to keep reminding yourself, "I refuse to be Bucky's first."
← previous fic | main masterlist
There were a few things you could respect Steve Rogers for.
He always seemed to know what was best for the team, he had a good head on his shoulders, and he always tried to find a way to resolve conflict with the least amount of bloodshed possible. He was a respectable man—respectable enough for people like you to follow him into hell.
But there were also plenty of things you disliked about him.
Namely, once he had a plan, he stuck to it whether the people around him agreed or not. Unfortunately for you, his current plan involved you babysitting the world’s most wanted Hydra assassin.
And that was the Winter Soldier.
“What!” you barked in disbelief, throwing your hands in the air. “No! I am not watching him. I’m coming with you—”
Steve was already gearing up—wearing the suit he stole from the Smithsonian and strapping on his shield last.
“No,” he replied, sharp and firm. “Trust me, it’s better if you stay put. If I show up with Buck by my side, it’s not gonna look good.”
Steve motioned towards Bucky, who just stood there looking about as useful and clueless as a bag of bricks.
The kicked puppy look on his face almost made you feel bad for him. Almost. Because if it weren’t for him, and your own stubborn loyalty to Steve, nobody would be in this mess in the first place.
“Look, you’re going to talk to Stark, right? Nat’s with him. Let me come. I can talk to her while you work things out with Stark, and maybe we can figure out a better solution—”
“We shouldn’t even consider talking to Nat. She’s in deep with Tony and the Accords. And besides, I don’t trust—” Steve cut himself off, his lips pressing into a thin line as his eyes flickered between you and Bucky. “Never mind.”
You crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes. “Don’t trust what?”
The tension in the parking garage turned uncomfortable really fast.
No one dared speak or move—it felt like a bunch of kids walking in on Mom and Dad arguing and refusing to pick sides. Even though you already knew what he was going to say, you kept your eyes fixed on Steve with a silent threat for him to continue.
Steve sighed and stepped forward, mentally cursing himself for letting the words slip.
“You Widows—they’re known to be deceptive,” Steve explained as calmly and gently as he could, though it didn’t help.
“I just… can’t risk you talking to Natasha. It’s too dangerous.”
Offended wasn’t even the right word for it.
Everyone in this line of work—including you, especially you — knew about the Black Widows and their reputation. You were a group of young girls broken down and rebuilt into perfect chameleons. Widows were trained to whisper sweet nothings into a victim’s ear, only to hold a blade to their throat, slit it without remorse, and go about the rest of their day as if nothing had happened.
Steve wasn’t wrong, but the hypocrisy of his logic made you feel sour.
He didn’t trust your background, yet in the very same breath, he was willing to leave you entirely alone with Bucky—his best friend, and the only piece of his past he had left. If you were truly so deceptive, so inherently untrustworthy, what was stopping you from turning Bucky over to Stark the second Steve cleared this garage?
You wanted to cry. You had been loyal to Steve, standing by his side while the rest of the team split up and tore at each other’s throats—and this was how he repaid you? By humiliating you in front of everyone?
But you’d die before you let a single tear fall in front of Steve, or anyone else for that matter.
Swallowing the lump in your throat, you tightened your jaw until your teeth hurt and forced your gaze away.
“Fine.”
You were going to protect his precious best friend—not out of submission, but to shove his own prejudice right back down his throat. You would prove to him, definitively, that you could be trusted.
“I’ll watch over him,” you added, trying to keep cool. “I’ll keep my comms open, too—just in case you want to pop in and check if he’s still alive.”
Steve returned your sarcasm with a relieved exhale. “Thank you—”
“Don’t mention it,” you cut him off, waving a hand dismissively as you walked past Bucky—who was standing there looking like a child of divorce. You headed for your motorcycle.
“Are you coming, Barnes?”
Before joining you at the bike, Bucky walked over to Steve with a fond look in his eyes. They shared the same brotherly hug they'd been exchanging since they reunited. Steve mumbled something into his shoulder—probably reassurance that everything was going to be okay—before finally sending him off to you.
You rolled your eyes, slipping your helmet on to block them out.
As everyone else cleared out of the garage, Bucky walked over to your bike. You handed him a helmet, and he started strapping it on.
“Should I drive?” He asked.
You blinked at him, your face going blank despite him not being able to see it.
“I’m sorry?”
“I’ve been hiding in Bucharest for a while,” Bucky explained. “I know some discreet spots where they won’t find us.”
Even though neither of you could see the other’s expression, you couldn’t shake the feeling that Bucky was testing your competence—and on top of everything that had led to this moment, especially that little conversation with Steve, your patience was wearing dangerously thin.
“Barnes, I assure you that whatever spot you’re thinking of, a SWAT team is already sweeping it.” You revved the engine. “Get on.”
Bucky muffled a deep sigh inside his helmet. Based on his stiff posture, you thought he might argue, but he finally conceded, swinging his long leg over the back of the seat.
As you gripped the handlebars, you waited for him to hold on, but nothing happened.
Glancing at your side mirrors, you saw him awkwardly plant his hands at the edge of his seat, leaning back as far away from you as the space would allow.
“I’m gonna need you to hold on,” you ordered without looking back.
Bucky hesitated, not moving an inch.
Annoyed, you killed the revving engine for a second and glared at him over your shoulder. “Do you want to fall off?”
Bucky still didn’t budge. He kept his posture uncomfortably stiff, his eyes boring down at the empty space between his hips and the arch of your back.
“I’ll be fine right here.”
You couldn’t believe the gall of this guy. You had been tasked with something that was supposed to be so simple—tedious, sure, but easy enough—yet he was making your job twice as difficult. You glared at him through your visor, your voice strict even through the muffle of your headgear.
“Steve entrusted me to look after you. If he finds out on the evening news that his most wanted best friend fell off the back of my motorcycle and got captured by the government, then he’s never going to talk to me again. And everyone who is risking their lives for you did it all for nothing because you chose to be stubborn. Now, I am not going to repeat myself. Hold. On. To. Me.”
You couldn’t make out his expression, but slowly and reluctantly, he leaned forward and wrapped his thick arms around your waist.
“Tighter,” you commanded.
From the short time Bucky had known you, he already knew there was no point in arguing.
He let out a sigh into his helmet and wrapped his arms around you just a little tighter than before—but still kept his hold loose and, well… as respectful as he could manage.
“Bucky, I need you to hold me tighter,” you urged again.
It had already been a good five minutes since everyone left—and here you were, stuck with the man who, if caught, could risk your life and your position, all because he refused to hold onto you properly.
To you, this was nothing but a nuisance.
But for Bucky…
Bucky was holding onto every thread and reminder left from the forties of what it meant to be a respectful man. Especially since it had been so long since he’d not only been this close to a woman, but held one.
“Tighter!” you shrieked, patience finally snapping.
“Fuck, you know what? Fine!” he snapped back, adjusting his hips so that his chest was pressed up right against your back, wrapping his strong arms around you tightly enough to make you gasp.
“Is that tight enough for you?”
“Perfect,” you croaked sarcastically.
Without giving him another second to respond, you kicked the bike into gear and finally steered it out of the garage.
You were determined to keep your pride intact. His broad chest was pressed up against your back, trapping your body heat until your leather jacket felt burning hot against your skin. His metal arm was a hard band across your midsection, while his flesh arm gripped you still.
You were so small compared to him. He could easily take over—yet here he was, being your obedient puppy.
“Where are you taking me?” Bucky shouted over the rush of wind as the two of you whipped through the busy streets of Bucharest.
“To an amusement park,” you shouted back. “Don’t you want to ride a roller coaster?”
Bucky let out a tired sigh.
You managed to find sanctuary at an abandoned, overgrown rooftop greenhouse. Located on the very outskirts of Bucharest, it was far enough from the city center to avoid suspicion, but still close enough to keep your comms within range of Steve.
You paced the rooftop, feeling restless as your mind overworked with what Steve and the rest of the team could be doing right now.
Were they already fighting? Would Stark actually listen to reason and put all of this to rest?
Letting out a defeated sigh, you kicked a stray pebble, watching it skid across the concrete of the rooftop.
“This is ridiculous,” you mumbled to yourself. “Stuck on babysitting duty when I should be out there.”
Lifting your head, your eyes locked onto Bucky. He was standing dangerously close to the edge of the roof, peering down at the distant streets below.
“Hey!” you barked, pointing a finger at him like a mother scolding a child. “Step away from the edge! You’re going to fall.”
“I’m just keeping a lookout,” Bucky mumbled, his back still facing you as he refused to step away from the edge.
“You’re just making my job harder than it already is,” you argued, throwing your hands up in exasperation.
You pointed aggressively to the dusty wooden crate tucked against the brick wall.
“Just go sit over there or something.”
Bucky’s brow twitched the same time his patience snapped. He turned around to finally face you, his jaw clenched so tight his molars were crying for help.
“Would you stop talking to me like I’m a child?” he snapped, stepping away from the edge—not because you had ordered him to, but to match your hostile stance as he stalked toward you. “I’m sorry you got stuck with the shitty job of watching over me, but I can handle myself just fine, thanks.”
His defensive outburst made you raise a brow.
“Oh, really? You can handle yourself just fine?” you crossed your arms and scoffed. “Is that why the entire global government is hunting you down right now? Is that why Steve had to throw away his entire reputation just to keep you out of a cage? Because you’ve got it all handled?”
Bucky’s chest heaved, his fingers curling into tight fists at his sides.
The mention of Steve’s sacrifice definitely hit a nerve, you could see the guilt in his eyes.
A part of you wished you hadn’t said it at all, and you were just about ready swallow your pride and apologize, until…
“You’re from the Red Room,” he said, stepping closer. An involuntary shudder went down your spine. “You’ve done terrible things in the past—just as I have. You know exactly what it’s like to have someone like Steve bend over backwards for lowlifes like us.”
You didn’t realize just how close he was standing until his hot breath hit your face, only shortening your temper.
“We don’t ask for the help, yet they do it for us anyway,” Bucky’s voice graveled into a whisper. “Don’t talk down to me like you don’t know what it’s like. When in fact, you’re worse—”
You were already seeing red before he could even finish his sentence.
You quickly unsheathed a pocket knife from your belt and lunged at him, aiming straight for his throat just as a threat to silence him.
“You don’t know a damn thing about me!”
But Bucky was faster.
He brought his metal forearm up just in time to block the blade, making an ugly scraping sound. He twisted his wrist to disarm you, but your grip on the knife was tight. While one arm was held captive by his, you used your other to try and deliver a punch—which he also dodged.
You resorted to your legs, bucking them up to deliver hard kicks to his stomach. He grunted after each hit your leg managed to put out, but his hands moved quickly to grab the collar of your jacket and hurl you backwards to the nearest wall.
You cried out, face scrunching into a wince as your back slammed into hard brick.
The impact made you drop your knife. Bucky pressed his heavy body right against yours, aggressively tucking his legs between your thighs so you couldn’t use the space to swing your knees at him again.
“I can’t believe this is who Steve decided to trust me with,” he hissed in your face.
“Get off of me!” you yelled, squirming beneath his body.
“You drew your knife at me,” Bucky roared back. “Maybe Steve was right. All you Widows have a tendency to break your vows whenever things go even remotely south for you—”
You weren’t going to sit there and take his insults. Gritting your teeth with a brace, you pulled your head back and slammed your forehead directly into his face.
Bucky groaned out in pain, his grip on you loosening as he stumbled back with a hand to his face. Seizing the small window of opportunity, you shoved his chest away and dove towards the floor, reaching for the dropped pocket knife.
Before your fingers could even brush the hilt, his large hands grabbed you from behind and slammed you right back into the brick wall again.
You let out a breathless gasp as your face was forcefully squished up against the brick.
Bucky’s flesh hand came to the back of your head, pushing your skull firmly against the wall to keep your vision pinned away from him. At the same time, his metal hand gathered both your wrists behind your back, locking your two arms prone.
“Let go of me!”
You started to violently squirm and writhe, trying to buck your back against him—to tire him out, but Bucky moved his entire lower body to seal the space. His hips pressed tightly up against your bottom, his chest to your back, pinning you completely helpless as you were left trapped between him and the wall.
“No. I don’t care if you’re Steve’s friend, or if Steve respects you,” Bucky hissed, his breath right at your ear. “If I find my life in danger—after finally being free from Hydra, I’ll kill anyone who gets in my way. Even you.”
Bucky’s chest was heaving against your back.
He was angry.
He hated how much a woman like you could get under his skin with just a few sarcastic words and petty jabs.
One moment he was flustered just holding onto your waist during the bike ride, and now, he had you pinned up against the wall, your life completely in his hands.
You grit your teeth. “Dammit, Barnes—”
“—do you hear me? Hello? Anyone copy?”
You and Bucky froze. His eyes went wide as he leaned his head down toward the earpiece tucked just behind your earlobe where Steve’s voice was emitting. You glared at Bucky through the corner of your eye.
“Steve’s calling for me. I can’t answer it unless you let me go.”
“Status check. Code Blue-Alpha. Repeat, Code Blue-Alpha. Do you copy?”
Bucky was hesitant.
He didn’t want to let you go—afraid that you might actually threaten his life again the second he backed off.
Instead of releasing you, his metal hand kept the tight grip on both your wrists, while his flesh hand finally let your head free. Shifting his body closer, his finger reached around to press the button on your earpiece, activating the channel and allowing you to speak.
“Steve,” you breathed, catching your breath. “I’m here.”
“There you are!” Steve let out a relieved, staticky sigh through the comms. “How are things over there? Are you two alright?”
You and Bucky side eyed each other.
The situation was ridiculous—the two of you were still tangled in each other’s limbs, bodies pressed tight against one another, chests heaving in sync as the adrenaline from the fight slowly began to die down.
“We’re fine,” you lied. “Your boyfriend’s still alive.”
Bucky huffed a disbelieving laugh right against your ear. He didn’t say it out loud, but you could already hear his thoughts. This fucking woman.
Steve wasn’t laughing, however. His voice was serious.
“Listen to me carefully. We just got word that there are traps set up around the highest points of Bucharest. They’re wired to release an airborne toxin—specifically meant to target the biology of a super soldier.”
You watched Bucky’s eyes. His brows furrowed, concentrating on Steve’s voice as his grip on your wrists loosened slightly.
“They’re trying to smoke him out,” you reasoned. “What about the regular civilians? Will it affect them?”
“No. Just us. I’m already wearing a rebreather mask on my end,” Steve continued with a rasp. It sounded like he was running from something. “But Bucky doesn’t have one. You need to keep him inside and be extremely careful.”
There was a cold knot forming in the pit of your stomach.
Steve was thinking about Bucky, and Bucky was thinking about himself, but neither of them knew your full medical history—how could they?
During your time in the Red Room, they had pumped your veins full of a biochemical serum. It wasn’t the exact super soldier formula that created Captain America, but it was a heavily modified variation meant to enhance your physical abilities, speed up your healing, and maximize your strength.
It was what made you into a Widow. And right now, you had no idea if that same chemical footprint was enough to trigger the airborne toxin.
“Steve,” you swallowed hard, your voice shaking with worry. “How is Natasha doing? Is she with you?”
If Natasha was fine, then maybe you would be, too.
Behind you, Bucky must have sensed the sudden spike of panic in your posture. He took a step back and finally released his tight grip on your wrists—relinquishing his hold over your body.
He inhaled a deep breath to steady himself, but stopped midway, choking as if something had gotten stuck in his lungs. His chest hitched. He sniffed the air again, letting out a harsh, hacking cough in return.
“Fuck—” Bucky choked out, his hand flying to his throat.
You spun around, catching the way Bucky stumbled blindly against a wooden crate. Your heart started to race in a panic.
“Steve?” you called into the earpiece, your eyes scanning the rooftop for any signs of the trap he had just mentioned over comms. “Steve, do you copy?”
There was no answer.
The static on the other end had cut out completely. Steve had already ended the line to focus on his own escape—either that, or his comms had been jammed. You tapped the button behind your earlobe again desperately, but there was nothing.
“Steve! Respond!”
Bucky called your name from where he held himself against the crate—a sound that was broken, small, and almost whiny.
“Bucky!” you cried out, abandoning the comm line completely and focusing entirely on the man you were tasked to protect. “Are you okay?”
“Hot,” he winced, letting out a deep groan. “It feels... hot.”
You knelt by his side, the palm of your hand flying to his forehead to check his temperature. Your eyes widened at how warm he had suddenly become. He wasn’t nearly this hot when he had you pressed up against the wall just mere seconds ago.
“Fuck. Did the toxins get to you already? But how! We’re on the outskirts—”
Bucky lazily raised a finger just past your head. You whipped your head around, squinting past the sunlight that pierced the clouds.
There, you saw a hazy, almost pollen like fog beginning to drift from across the rooftop building far from you.
“Shit,” you cursed, wrapping your arm around his waist and positioning his heavy arm over your shoulders to help him up.
“Come on, we’ve gotta hide you somewhere. You’re too weak to run if you get caught.”
You tried lifting him up, but he was too heavy to carry just on your own. You groaned beneath him, using every bit of your strength to try and keep him steady.
While you struggled, Bucky’s breathing grew heavier. His eyes were half lidded and unfocused—he could barely keep them open.
“Stay with me, Bucky,” you murmured against him with a grunt, dragging your feet to get him inside the greenhouse.
It was a glass enclosure, but the walls were muddied with dirt and the plants were overgrown enough to provide decent cover. It wasn’t as indoors as you’d like, but it was the closest place you could take him with your current strength.
Bucky’s eyes fluttered down to you, letting out a heavy sigh.
“I think… I need to sit.”
Suddenly, he felt like he was suffocating in his own clothes. The breeze in Bucharest was cool, but his body felt like it was burning up from the inside. What was even worse was your touch—having your body pressed up against his made him react in ways he never thought he would.
Or at least, not anytime soon.
You stumbled over an overgrown branch, losing your balance and your grip on Bucky.
“Shit—I’m sorry,” you mumbled.
Bucky lay on the ground, adjusting his body so that he was flat on his back. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest, the organ trying to tear its way out. His vision and mind went hazy, and his flesh hand was clammy.
The tension was even worse whenever he looked at you. His pupils would dilate the second his eyes landed on your body, his breath getting stuck in his throat.
You knelt down, trying to get your hands under his arms to haul him back up, but Bucky flinched away with a sharp hiss.
“No,” he rasped. “Don’t… don’t touch me.”
You furrowed your brows. You had no idea what kind of side effects the airborne toxins had been released—Steve hadn’t specified. But right now, you couldn’t afford to stand around and ponder it. You groaned, trying to lift him up one more time, but your body suddenly felt even weaker than before.
Your knees buckled as a strange aroma began to drift into your nose. It was a musky, almost tangy smell filling the deep pockets of your lungs.
“W-what the hell…?”
Bucky’s chest rose and fell heavily from where he lay on the floor, his dark, half lidded eyes meeting yours. “Do you feel it, too?”
Meeting Bucky’s eyes in this state was the worst thing you could have possibly done.
Suddenly, the greenhouse felt smaller—a glass enclosure closing in on the two of you. Your body felt molten, and you wanted nothing more than to strip your clothes off.
Grunting, you began to pull down the zipper of your jacket, and Bucky inhaled sharply.
“Hey—what… what are you doing?”
“It’s hot,” you breathed, your head spinning. “Need to take my jacket off.”
The heat inside your own skin was hurting, but for Bucky, it was absolute torture.
The super soldier serum in his veins processed the toxin at an accelerated rate, making his flesh feel like it was working overtime. His blood was rushing—hot and heavy—pooling lower until he was completely and unapologetically hard under his pants.
He wanted to rip his own clothes off. He just hoped you wouldn’t notice the tent poking between his legs—or maybe a dark part of him did, and he wanted you to offer to take care of it.
Fuck. What was he thinking?
But it wasn’t like you were thinking straight, either. Abandoning your jacket, you were left in just a tank top that clung tightly to your chest, offering Bucky a full view of your tits. You knelt right back down beside him, your hands clumsily reaching for his shoulders to lift him up again.
This was going bad for Bucky.
Too close.
Too close. Too close. Too close.
Bucky caught your scent—a natural floral and feminine smell mixed with an underlying musk of sweat that made his head spin with an overwhelmingly dangerous amount of desire.
“Stop,” Bucky choked out, his voice dropping deep and dangerous.
His right hand shot out, wrapping tightly around your bare wrist, while his metal hand gripped your hip to keep you from leaning any closer.
“Don’t... don’t do this. Get away from me right now.”
“Bucky,” you panted. “I need you to get up for me.”
“I can’t,” he groaned, letting his head fall back against the floor. “I mean it. Move away… or I swear to God, I won’t be able to control myself—”
Your gaze drifted down his body, your eyes widening at the prominent bulge waiting for you between his large, strong legs.
It throbbed and twitched beneath his pants, growing harder and more unbearable by the second.
This position was too compromising—too vulnerable, and far too dangerous for you both.
Bucky had no strength to get up on his own, and you could feel your own body betraying you by the second. You would have to relieve this for him now, or it would be doom for you both.
“Goddammit,” you cursed, bracing yourself mentally.
You moved to cradle Bucky between your thighs, mounting his lap while he was pinned weak to the floor.
His eyelids flew open, and he used all the strength left in his body to lift his head and stare up at you, bewildered and off guard.
“What the hell are you doing—!”
“We need to take care of this,” you muttered, grinding your hips tight and firm against his, making him let out a groan.
“We need to fix your problem before they find us. They set up that trap not too far from this building. There’s a chance they’re already scouting it out. It’s only a matter of time—”
Bucky’s eyes were filled with hungry lust as he stared at the point where your hips were rubbing against his. He was so hard it fucking hurt. He didn’t dare touch you—because if his hands made contact with your waist, with that warm, smooth skin just beneath your tank top that was begging to be licked, he would probably embarrass himself and cum in his pants right then and there.
“Shit—wait. Hold on. I—fuck.”
You reached for his zipper, tugging it down, and the sudden movement made his hips buck up against yours.
“Now’s not the time to talk, Barnes,” you panted, the toxin blurring your thoughts. “We need to take care of this now, or we’ll be in deep trouble. And Steve’ll have my head—”
“Fuck, shit. Wait—! I’ve never…”
You were losing your patience. You stopped your hands, glaring down at him. “Never what, Barnes?”
His face burned an embarrassing shade of red. He refused to look at you, his eyes suddenly far more interested in the overgrown plants next to him than your face.
“I’ve never had… sex,” he admitted quietly, swallowing hard.
Oh.
Oh.
Bucky was a virgin?
“Oh my god,” you whispered.
You felt incredibly foolish straddling him with your hands still hovering over his open zipper.
You felt shameful—you felt like a harlot, throwing yourself onto him and thinking you could resolve this entire crisis just by getting him off with a few strokes. You felt dirty, humiliated, and deeply guilty.
“I’m so sorry,” you stammered, quickly scrambling off his lap.
Your legs felt like jelly—a testament to the toxin fully taking hold of your own system.
“Shit. I’m so sorry, Bucky. I didn’t know. I mean, that doesn’t excuse it, but—”
“No,” Bucky rasped, his hand catching your wrist before you could back away entirely.
His grip on you was so tight and dominant, it felt like a pickaxe slowly chipping away at your remaining resolve.
“Don’t go,” he broke out, his voice a desperate, tortured rasp. “Please. Keep going. It hurts. I need you to relieve it.”
If he had said that to reassure you, you felt anything but. In fact, you felt even guiltier because of how broken and desperate he sounded.
“Bucky, I can’t.”
His brows knitted together tightly, his face twisting unpleasantly—he was upset.
“Why the hell not?”
“Because—”
“Because what!” he barked back, rolling onto his side to give you his full attention. You tried really hard not to look at the outline of his hard cock pressing against his pants. “You threw yourself onto me. You promised Steve you’d take care of me—so you’re going to come back here and finish it.”
“Bucky, I’m not going to be your first!” you yelled out, and that finally stunned him into silence.
Your chest was heaving with a frustration you didn’t even know how to name.
With confusion and a flash of embarrassment taking over his gaze, his fingers finally loosened, releasing your wrist reluctantly.
“I’m sorry,” you said, much softer this time. “I’m sorry. Just… if you need a minute to take care of it yourself, I’ll be over there—” you pointed to the far end of the greenhouse “—I’ll keep watch.”
“And what about you?” he asked, his dark eyes trailing down your body in a way that did absolutely nothing to help your situation. “Don’t you need to take care of yourself, too? You feel it, don’t you? That… primal need.”
You pressed your lips tight and tore your gaze away, not trusting yourself to look at his pained, desperate expression. You couldn’t look at the way his body was open and inviting you back in, or the way his voice went so coarse when he said the word need.
“I’ll be fine.”
You were not fine. And Bucky certainly wasn’t, either.
You tried to keep your concentration focused outside the greenhouse, forcing your hazy eyes to stare through the glass panes to keep watch. But your gaze kept betraying you, drifting right back to the corner to watch Bucky where he sat propped up against a wooden crate, his legs spread wide.
His chest was still rising and falling heavily, his long hair damp with sweat and falling over his darkened eyes.
You had told him to take care of his business, but he hadn’t made a single move since you stepped away from him. Your own urges were becoming impossible to control, too. You found yourself squeezing your thighs tightly together, trying to find any form of friction, any relief from the ache that had been building up ever since the toxin first wafted into your lungs.
It didn’t help that you could feel Bucky’s eyes on you, watching you from behind, tracing your silhouette.
It felt telepathic—as if his silent gaze was speaking directly to your body, knowing you wanted exactly what he was desperately craving too.
No. You couldn’t go to him.
If you walked up to him right now, neither of you would have any control left, and you would both submit to the drug completely.
He was a virgin. You couldn’t take something so precious from him. He had already been through a lifetime of torture and lost autonomy. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you took his first time over a stupid, weaponized toxin.
Sex was meant to be reserved for someone special—and you were far from it.
“Bucky,” you finally called out, still refusing to turn around and look at him. “Are you okay back there?”
“…No,” he muttered with a thick rasp. “Come here.”
You sucked in a breath.
Every instinct in your brain was telling you stay exactly where you were, but your body was entirely out of your control now.
Your feet dragged you across the dirty floor until you were standing over him again.
You dropped to your knees in front of him with a sigh. Trying to frame it as purely medical check, you lifted a hand and pressed your palm flat against his forehead to check his temperature once more.
He was still burning up, but the fever felt even worse.
Every hot breath he exhaled hit your exposed collarbones, and the way he was sitting—legs spread wide with you kneeling directly between them—made you feel like a mouse being lured into a trap.
Realizing just how dangerous this proximity was, you swallowed hard and began to pull your hand away. But Bucky didn’t let you. His fingers wrapped tightly around your wrist to hold you back. He let his heavy eyelids flutter shut and slowly leaned his head into your touch, rubbing his stubbled cheek right against your warm, open palm.
“Stay,” Bucky pleaded as he his metal hand came to hold your hip. “Stay here. I need you.”
A breathless groan rumbled warmly into your palm. You froze, your eyes locked onto him as you watched the lethal super soldier—the very man who had pinned you up against the wall just minutes ago—unravel helplessly right in front of you.
As he held you there, you felt an unbearable heat trickle between your legs.
Your cunt pulsed, and you squeezed your thighs tightly together to soothe the desperate ache spreading through your lower body.
The friction was a temporary fix, but the tight grind of your thighs only made you ache for more.
Bucky nuzzled his face deeper into your palm, inhaling your scent like a dying man catching a breath of fresh air.
Then, his parted lips pressed a soft, wet kiss against the center of your hand. And another one. Then another, right against the inner skin of your wrist.
“Bucky… what are you—”
“Please,” Bucky whispered against your skin, looking up at you through his dark, thick lashes.
His eyes were dilated, the blue completely washed out by a lust that made you burn from the inside out.
“I need you.”
“You… You don’t know what you’re saying,” you muttered, shaking your head in a desperate attempt to find your reason.
Bucky held your hand tighter, refusing to give you any chance to escape.
“Please, don’t go. Fuck—I need you so bad, it hurts,” he choked out. “This ache won’t go away until you help me take care of it.”
His eyes never left yours. Under normal circumstances, every confession leaving his lips should have left him feeling deeply ashamed or embarrassed. But right now, he didn’t care. His body was on fire, and your touch was only stroking each and every flame.
“I know I’m a virgin, but I don’t care—and you shouldn’t, either,” Bucky rasped.
His large hand covered yours, forcing your palm down his chest—slick and damp with sweat—until he guided your hand directly over the heavy erection waiting for you beneath his pants.
“I can make you feel so good. I can fix this for both of us. Please.” He begged.
You let out a shudder as his large hand swallowed yours, guiding your palm to slide up and down against the length of his cock. Even through the denim, you could feel him throb and harden rapidly beneath your touch, his breathing turning incredibly shallow and fast.
“It hurts so bad,” he groaned, his eyes unhinged by the toxin. “Doesn’t it hurt you, too?”
You looked down, biting your lip hard at the sight of Bucky’s thick bulge pressing directly against your fingers. He twitched beneath your touch.
There was nothing you wanted more than to finish the job you had started earlier—to finish unzipping his pants, sink right down onto him, and show him exactly what it felt like to be inside a woman for the very first time.
But you couldn’t.
Not like this.
“Bucky, I can’t—” you whispered so softly, it sounded like a whine. “I can’t be your first.”
Bucky trembled a sigh, his head falling back against the wooden crate. But he didn’t let go of your wrist. He began to subtly shift his weight, rocking his hips up in a tilt that forced his thick length to slide right against your captive palm.
“Why not?” he murmured, deep and gravelly. “You don’t think… you don’t think I’d do a good job?”
His question was so innocent, though the very thing he was doing wasn’t. He kept grinding his clothed cock into your hand—seeking pleasure from just your palm—and you felt yourself going insane.
“No, it’s not that,” you tried to pull your hand back, but he held you tight, using your trapped hand for his own pleasure. “Sex is supposed to be something that you save. And your virginity is something you give away to someone special. Not… not a casual teammate—not someone like me—”
Bucky interrupted you with a groan, his hips bucking up higher against your palm. All of your words went in one ear and out the other. The only thing he could process right now was how good your hand felt—and how much better it would feel if he sunk into something tight, wet, and warm.
Like your mouth… or your…
“I don’t care about any of that,” he choked out.
His hips rolled into your palm with a needy jerk.
“I need this. I need you. I’d be more than happy to give it to you. Fuck—I’ll give it to you so good. You’re the one I want. I need you—”
Bucky’s mouth dropped into an o shape, a sharp hiss of breath filling his lungs as his hips bucked uncontrollably. His eyes never left yours as he suddenly started spilling in his pants. A warm, thick liquid began to seep through his jeans, leaving your fingers sticky with his seed and musk.
You couldn’t believe it.
Bucky had just finished right in his pants.
“Bucky…”
His face was unreadable.
His head was tilted back against the crate, his eyes boring into yours through heavy lids and long lashes. He was breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath while letting his cum shamelessly pool in the tight space of his pants.
You figured he’d pull your hand away any second now—that finally releasing all that pent up frustration would make him feel well enough to move to a safer location.
You tried not to point it out to save him from the embarrassment. And most importantly, you tried not to give in to the intense sensation of his warm spunk right beneath your fingertips.
“You should be feeling better now, right? We should keep moving—”
With his grip on your wrist tightening, he hauled you forward until you collapsed back to the ground. Two strong arms wrapped completely around your body, caging you flush against his chest.
Your knees—already so weak—forced you to straddle his lap. Your hands flew to his broad shoulders for balance as you found yourself perched directly over his ruined pants.
“Hey—what are you—!”
Bucky nuzzled his face straight into the crook of your neck, his hot, erratic breaths turning into open mouthed kisses against your skin.
“More,” he begged, the deep vibration of his voice tickling you. “S’not enough. I need more.”
Your breath hitched when his hands started to roam over your body. His fingers tickled beneath the hem of your tank top, the metal fingers cooling your skin and making you gasp out loud from the sudden cold.
No.
I won’t let this happen.
I refuse to be Bucky’s first.
But despite your emotional turmoil, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away. Not with the way his hands were roaming around your body, claiming every inch of you as his through touch alone. Not with the way he was looking at you, his mouth parted with desperation.
And especially not when he had just let himself spill in his jeans from nothing but your touch and closeness.
“I know you feel it too,” Bucky rasped against your neck. “I know you’re wet down there, begging to be touched. Begging to be filled. I can fix you, baby. Just let me take care of you, please.”
He pulled back slightly, looking up at you with wide puppy blue eyes that made your heart ache and your pussy clench.
“Can I kiss you?”
You searched his gaze, breathless. “You want to kiss me?”
His metal hand left your waist, slowly crawling up your spine until his fingers tangled firmly in the hair at the back of your head, keeping your eyes pinned to his. His pupils were completely blown out, his gaze demanding an answer right now.
You should have said no. You should have pushed his chest, reminded him of the drug, and scrambled away to safety.
He was a virgin, sure. But with the way he was looking at you while holding you tight—you felt like you were going to be ravaged.
But your resolve was already a fragile thing. And with the way he was looking at you, you knew you were in too deep. Your body was hurting—aching for him in the exact same ways he was aching for you. The only way you two could fix it was each other.
You pressed your lips hard against his, and Bucky let out a rough, needy sound into your mouth.
His grip tightened in your hair, pulling you deeper into the kiss.
The fever burned through your veins, and the way his tongue danced with yours only made the fire burn hotter. He was tasting you, broken whimpers tearing from his lips with every slick slide of his tongue. Saliva mixed together, leaving you both completely breathless, your lips and limbs tangled.
You rolled your hips back, grinding yourself deeper against Bucky’s pelvis.
His cock twitched inside his jeans, poking hard against you. You didn’t know how—but he felt even bigger and harder than he had before.
“I can’t take it anymore,” he panted against your mouth. “Fuck, I can’t—I need to feel you. Need to be inside you.”
His hands scrambled down to your waist, his fingers fumbling with the button of your pants. He popped it open with a rough tug—threatening to break the button itself—as his knuckles brushed against your hot skin.
Bucky groaned at the sight.
The lace of your panties was poking through the opening, damp with sweat and your scent. He inhaled deeply, and you wondered just how much his heightened senses were actually taking you in.
When he let out a satisfied sigh, you knew he could smell everything.
“Look at you,” he praised, his eyes tracing the curves of your body. “You’re so beautiful. It makes me want to ruin you.”
You chuckled—a sound that came out raspy and sultry without your intention, making Bucky’s cock twitch beneath you.
“Quite a bold statement for someone who’s never had sex before,” you teased, your hands trailing slowly down his chest.
Bucky’s jaw tightened. He accepted your challenge, gripping the waistband of your unzipped pants and yanking them down your thighs.
The moment your bare skin was exposed to the cool air, Bucky wasted no time traveling his eyes down the expanse of your legs. Catching his bottom lip between his teeth to keep from drooling like a madman, his gaze raked over the inner and outer curves of your thighs. His mouth went dry at the sight of the little wet spot that had collected near your clit.
His large hands slid up your thighs and behind you, squeezing your ass firmly in his rough palms.
“So fucking beautiful,” he growled, his thumb swiping over your clit, smearing your own juice all over the lace.
“Fuck—you’ve been dripping all this time. You need this just as bad as I do, and you’ve been holding back?”
You swallowed hard. “It’s not too late. We don’t have to—oh!”
You cried out once his fingers slipped past the hem of your panties. His fingers dipped between your folds, collecting your arousal with embarrassing wet noises as he tried to rub at your clit.
“No, Bucky… it’s right here—” You grabbed his forearm, guiding him to the right spot, and arched your back with a sharp cry when he started rubbing deep circles against the sensitive bud.
“Oh my god,” you gasped.
This was the pleasure you were looking for—but it wasn’t nearly enough.
There was an empty ache deep inside you that was begging to be filled. But you weren’t going to demand that of him just yet, in case he changed his mind.
A lazy, boyish smile tugged at his lips as he watched you come undone from his fingers.
“Yeah?” he huffed out a breath. “That feel good, baby?”
“Yes—don’t stop, please,” you cried helplessly.
His other hand lifted your tank top up and over your head, quickly unhooking your bra to fully reveal your tits. With a low grunt, he leaned forward, capturing one of your perky nipples into the wet warmth of his mouth.
You moaned loudly, your hand flying to the back of his head and giving his hair a hard, desperate tug. He liked that a lot, moaning against your skin in pleasure.
Bucky’s tongue swirled around your nipple, licking and sucking until you were arching off his lap at his mercy.
He was making a beautiful mess of you, switching between both buds and letting his mouth worship your body. His rough stubble tickled your chest while his fingers continued their clumsy work down below, sliding through your slick folds and rubbing messy circles right against your clit.
The wet, squelching sounds of his fingers moving against your soaking flesh filled the greenhouse—the filth of it only making you wetter and causing the toxin to course even harder.
He suddenly pulled his mouth away from your chest, a string of saliva connecting his lips to your skin, and finally looked up at you.
His lips and chin were slick and shining from giving your breasts such sloppy, adoring kisses.
“I need to be inside you,” he pleaded. “Please… I need to put it in. I need to stuff you so full of me, baby. Please, let me fuck you.”
Your eyes searched Bucky’s.
He looked like an even bigger mess than before. He looked and sounded utterly helpless, his chest rising and falling heavily, his face tight with an expression that made it look like he was physically hurting.
Even though he had just come in his pants moments ago, he needed so much more.
You knew that once you gave in to him completely, there would be no holding back for either of you. He would have to live with the fact that you would be his first.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Bucky slowly slipped his hand out of your panties, bringing his fingers up to his lips and licking the juices clean. “You’re scared, but I’m not. I know what I want, and what I want right now is you.”
Bucky gripped your waist, raising you off his lap and pinning you flat against the ground.
He slipped his large body directly between your legs, his strong thighs forcing yours wide open as he covered your frame with his.
Your hair was messy across the dirt floor, framing your face as you laid beneath him breathless. The toxin was taking over control of your body—every single nerve demanding to be touched by the man between your legs.
You felt like you were in heat, consumed by a fever that only Bucky could cure.
His eyes fell over your body, tracing your tits and stomach, his gaze locking onto the way your panties—already a soaked mess—looked like they were begging to be torn away by his teeth.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his hands making quick work of your underwear.
With a harsh tug and a sharp tearing sound, the fabric gave away.
“I’m so sorry for what I’m about to do to you.”
Your panties didn’t even make it past your knees before tearing clean off your thighs. You winced slightly.
It was dizzying to think about how you had found the strength to fight Bucky earlier, only to now be reduced to a breathless, aching mess over a piece of torn fabric.
Bucky leaned back on his heels, unbuckling his belt and shoving open his unzipped, stained denim jeans.
The moment he pulled his cock free, it sprang forward then back—the tip slapping against his abdomen.
He was thick, his cock fully engorged and begging to be wrapped in something tight and warm. Pre-cum glistened at the tip, trailing down his shaft and mixing with the creamy white essence from his earlier release.
His eyes were glued to your soaking center, legs spread wide and inviting. His jaw slacked as he lazily pumped himself at the shaft, prepping his cock for your warm embrace.
He claimed he was a virgin, but the way he was looking at you with such a hungry look in his eyes made you think otherwise.
“Bucky,” you breathed, heart racing. “Are you sure you want to do this? With… me?”
Bucky leaned over your body, using his metal elbow to prop himself up while he slapped the tip of his cock against your entrance.
You weren’t sure where he learned that from, but the dirty act left you clenching around nothing.
“The more you ask, the harder it is for me to stay in control,” he gritted through clenched teeth. “I’m just gonna have to stuff you full of my cock just to prove how much I want you.”
You craned your neck, watching Bucky rub his tip up and down your folds—smearing his pre-cum while coating his shaft in your own slick juice.
When he positioned himself right at your opening and poked gently, testing your stretch, your folds immediately parted for him. You were so wet and pliable from the toxin that you were sure he would slip right in without a fight, despite how big he was.
“Just… just enough to get rid of the side effects, okay?” you muttered, though it sounded like you were trying to convince yourself more than him.
Bucky either didn’t hear you, or maybe he did and he just chose to ignore it.
With a clench of his jaw, he slowly pushed his hips forward, his eyes glued to the spot where your cunt wrapped around the head of his cock.
The sensation was delicious. Your body was burning hot, tight, and dangerously wet. He had only sunk the tip in, but it was already the greatest thing he had ever felt in his life. His eyes rolled back as a deep groan tore in his chest.
“Ohhh…”
Despite the toxin making your body more accommodating, you were still tighter than either of you expected.
You were being stretched completely and fully as Bucky kept going, relentlessly sinking his cock all the way inside until his dark, hairy base pressed flush against your folds. He was so big, and a part of you was grateful that he had already come once before this—because right now, his entire body was shaking with an uncontrollable need.
“So goddamn tight,” he cursed, his face twisting that looked almost like pain. “I never… fuck, I never expected pussy to feel this good… Christ.”
He stilled inside you, letting your body adjust to his size. But in reality, he was the one who needed time to adjust to your tightness.
You paced your breathing. Being stretched full by him made you want to scream at him to hurry up and move, to fuck you right into the dirt floor of the greenhouse—but you couldn’t make that kind of demand of a virgin.
Since it was his first time, despite the unfortunate circumstances, you were going to guide him gently.
“Hold me here,” you murmured, taking his hands and guiding them back to your thighs. “Feel me. It’s soft, isn’t it?”
Bucky breathed hard, nodding as he held you.
“When you’re ready, just move your hips nice and slow. Take your time.”
His face fell into a tight scowl, as if displeased with that order.
Every single one of his base instincts was screaming at him to fuck you hard and fast—to claim every surface of your pussy with his cock.
“F—fine,” he reluctantly agreed, his voice strained. He gripped your thighs tightly, spreading you open as he began rocking his hips back and forth.
His eyes were glossy with desire, transfixed by the sight of his cock disappearing in and out of your body.
A thick, creamy white ring was forming around the base of his shaft, staining the unruly dark curls that sat at his pelvis.
Every time he pulled out, he made sure to sink back in even deeper, rolling his hips forward until the tip of his cock kissed your cervix.
Your eyes rolled back, your hands clutching his broad shoulders as he buried himself inside you.
“Fuck… just like that,” you moaned. “Keep going.”
“Does… does that feel good?” He swallowed hard, fingers digging deeper into your thigh.
You nodded fast. “So good—I don’t want you to stop. Please, don’t stop.”
Your breathless plea made him scowl , a frustrated snarl leaving his lips.
“This is torture.” He groaned.
You furrowed your brows, looking at his angry expression in concern. Torture? That wasn’t what sex was supposed to feel like. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt him.
“Bucky,” you said, pressing your hand against his sweating chest. “If this is hurting you, we need to stop right now. Pull out of me—”
You gasped as his metal hand circled tight around your wrist, prying it away from his chest and pinning it over your head. He slammed you back to the floor, his large body shadowing yours as his face hovered.
His dark eyes bored deeply into yours—and you felt like if you so much as looked away, he might take it as a threat.
“No, I can’t—I can’t do slow,” he growled. “The drug in my veins, it’s like it's yelling at me to take what I want. And what I want is to fuck you until you cry.”
Your breath left your lungs as Bucky slammed his hips forward, burying himself inside you.
He pulled out halfway before fucking right back in, a broken gasp leaving your lips as you arched your back against the floor from the pleasure. You hadn’t expected him to fuck you this hard—being a virgin and all—but you couldn’t complain.
You had been craving to be taken like this since the moment the drug first entered your system.
“Oh my god—!” You cried out, tears prickling at the corners of your eyes.
“Ah—fuck, you’re so tight,” Bucky cried out.
He buried his face into the crook of your neck, his breath scalding against your skin as he relentlessly pumped his hips in and out of you, using your vulnerable body like his own personal sex toy.
“It feels too good, fuck, baby. Everything feels too good—I can’t stop,” he moaned.
Your moans blended together into a dirty symphony.
The toxin was amplifying every single touch, his thick shaft stretching you out completely—turning your usually strong and poised body into mush with every thrust.
Your wet walls clenched down on him every time he threatened to pull out, as if sucking him right back in. Bucky was entirely lost, his mind short circuiting from the pleasure.
Every time he buried himself deep, your swollen pussy tightened around him like your body was trying to milk him dry. You whimpered with every single thrust he gave you, your teary eyes meeting his in a lustful haze as you wrapped your legs tight around his hips for support.
“Fuck—my god, don’t do that—” He sucked in a sharp breath. “You’re squeezing me so tight. God—if this is what sex feels like, I never want to stop.”
He tilted his head down, his sweaty strands of hair tickling your hot face as he stared back down at the exact point where his hips got lost with yours.
Every stroke of his cock inside your tight body came with a hot wave of pleasure, amplified by the toxin coursing through your blood.
The sensation was addicting.
Bucky had never felt a pleasure like this before. He’d jerked off a few times in his apartment just to quickly relieve some stress, but that was always by himself.
He was a curious boy back in the forties, but he had never been close to getting any action like this.
To him, this was like a dream come true.
But he needed to go deeper. These regular, sloppy thrusts weren’t enough. He needed to feel more.
With a snarl, he leaned back to grip the backs of your thighs and shoved your knees up towards your chest, folding you into a tight mating press.
Before you could adjust to the new position, he pressed his hips against yours to lock you in place and sank down even deeper than he had before.
Your eyes flew wide, nearly bulging from their sockets as a sharp gasp ripped from your throat. His cock was stretching you at an impossible angle, burying himself so deep you could’ve sworn you saw stars.
Because you were already so sensitive from the toxin, having him bottom out so hard against your cervix made your core shudder uncontrollably, causing your legs to shake. Your head fell back against the floor, your toes curling in the air as your vision went hazy.
“Oh my god!” you cried out in a mix of pain and pleasure. “It’s too much—I can’t… you’re gonna make me cum!”
You felt your walls start to hyperventilate around his length. You knew he felt it, too, because he immediately doubled his pace.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized, but it didn’t sound sincere. “Fuck—I’m so sorry. It just feels too good—fuck, I—”
His voice broke into a pained moan the moment your pussy tightened. You came hard around him without warning, your neck arching as a loud moan strained your vocal cords.
Bucky’s entire body tensed, his face twisting in a grimace from how your climax was squeezing him.
The feeling was exquisite, and fuck, he wasn’t going to last another second when he was buried this deep inside of you.
He knew your body was sensitive and overworked, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop moving. His balls had never felt this full, this heavy. He was close, so fucking close, and the more your pussy fluttered around his shaft, the more desperate he became to chase that same release.
“Shit. M’gonna cum,” he cursed, his hips stuttering as he hilted himself deep inside.
His cock twitched—he had never came inside a girl before, but he was determined to do so now.
He was going to make sure he filled you, to stuff your tight hole to the brim with his backed up super soldier seed.
“Gonna cum inside,” he warned, his metal hand sliding beneath your lower back and lifting your hips up to meet his thrusts. “I’m gonna cum inside—fuck, I hope that’s okay. I’m sorry. I can’t—I can’t control myself.”
You couldn’t muster a single coherent word. Only muffles and teary whimpers escaped you, but it didn’t matter what you said while Bucky was in this state. He had no intention of stopping.
His blue eyes were crazed, rolled back so far in his sockets you could see the white. He grit his teeth, meeting your hips with sloppy and wet thrusts. A litany of curses mumbled in broken strings under his breath, until finally…
“Oh my god—I’m cumming. Take it, baby. Take every single drop of me. Don’t let it go to waste. Please, I need this. I need this so fucking bad—”
With a firm grip on your thigh, he pinned you down and pushed his hips against yours.
His tip kissed your cervix, pulsing twice before his body gave way to your tightness. You were being filled by the thick, heavy pumping of his seed. You could feel his cock twitching relentlessly against your walls, determined to flood every inch of your pussy.
He buried his face in your neck, his chest heaving violently as he stuffed you so completely full that your lower belly felt heavy.
“I’m so sorry,” he pleaded brokenly.
Bucky trembled from head to toe, and despite his mumbled apologies, he kept your hips pinned securely so that not a single drop of his release could escape. He was spent, breathing in shaky and ragged gasps against your skin. He didn’t want to pull out yet, still savoring the feeling of your pulsing walls squeezing the very last drops from.
The two of you lay on the floor, tangled and sweaty in each other’s limbs. Once you finally caught your breath, your hands gently caressed his broad back, a comforting gesture that caught even you off guard.
“How… how are you feeling?” you finally mumbled.
Your body tensed as you braced yourself for an answer.
Now that the side effects of the toxin seemed to be wearing off, dread started trickling in.
You were terrified that everything you had just done with Bucky would be something he’d immediately regret. A part of you tried to tell yourself that you didn’t care—that he had despised you before this, and he would simply go back to hating you again.
But after being his first, there was an undeniable connection in the way you felt beneath him.
If he was already starting to feel regret... well, you weren’t sure how you would handle it. Guilt? Probably. The longer he stayed silent, the more the worry gnawed at you.
He eventually huffed a breath, but he didn’t pull away.
“If you’re wondering if I’m going to regret this,” Bucky began, his voice so raspy and tired that it sent a shiver down your spine. “The answer is no.”
You sucked in a breath, expecting a but to follow.
Bucky attempted to lift himself up slightly so he wasn’t crushing you, but he was still so sensitive that the movement made him wince sharply. He couldn’t bring himself to pull out yet, so he collapsed right back against you with a soft huff.
“I wish I could just stay like this,” he muttered, wrapping both arms around you while resting his head against your sweaty chest.
He looked so small and vulnerable in that moment, and it made your heart ache for him.
“Just holding you,” he whispered, hugging you tighter as his voice grew quieter. “Instead of constantly running, fearing for my life, or being taken away. I just want to stay like this. Holding a pretty girl.”
The tension was starting to become too much for you to handle. Your face burned, unsure of how to process the sudden compliment. Trying to break the tension, you huffed a soft laugh and continued to rub your hand up and down his broad back. He seemed to like your touch very much.
“I’m sorry you lost your virginity this way.” you tried to joke.
Bucky chuckled against your chest. “The man I was in the forties probably would’ve done a much better job.”
“Well, this wasn’t bad at all—I’ll tell you that much.”
The two of you lay there, chuckling softly in each other’s arms, until the loud, sudden static of your earpiece made you both jolt.
“Do you copy? Report in.”
You both froze, your hearts beating rapidly for an entirely different reason now.
Bucky cleared his throat as he reluctantly tried lifting himself up. The friction of his slick and semi-hard cock sliding out of you made you let out an involuntary whimper.
“Status update,” Steve pressed, his tone anxious. “Are you two safe, or are you compromised?”
Compromised, sure. But definitely not in the way Steve meant.
Suppressing a giggle, you tapped your earpiece with a bright smile, catching Bucky's eye.
“Glad to hear your comms didn’t break, Steve.”
A relieved sigh came from the other end. “Give me a status report. How are you two? How’s Bucky?”
You watched as Bucky began to pull his clothes back on, his face an embarrassing shade of red as he tried to compose himself. You chuckled softly.
“We’re fine.”
halfway through proofreading this i lowk realized this was slop. i thought i had a good idea and then lost the plot. if you actually liked this please consider leaving a like and hit that subscribe button *epic outro music*
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Summary: Ryland Grace is your both your professor and your doctoral academic advisor. You are his student. Which meant that being anything more than that was soooo unbelievably off limits. …Right?
Word Count: 7k
Warnings: 18+! SMUT! MDNI! P in V sex; inappropriate use of a microscope; also inappropriate use of biology terms (i definitely got something wrong); shameless use of the professor x student trope through reader is a grad student and very much of consenting age; the glasses stay ON during sex!!
GIF from owenhcrper
“Come on, guys. The final exam is next week and I really don’t want to have to fail anyone this time around…again. So let’s show a little more initiative! Yay, cellular anatomy!”
He lightly pumped his fists in the air in an almost convincing cheer. You think it was meant to be encouraging but, looking around at your classmates, they didn’t seem to get the hint. They returned your dorky professor’s enthusiasm with glazed over expressions and the occasional monotonous click of laptop keys signifying they were likely working on another task all together instead of paying attention.
You couldn’t exactly blame them. Dr. Ryland Grace’s courses were among the hardest in the university’s advanced molecular biology track. Rumor has it that his exams have made students literally drop out of the program before. It wasn’t exactly his fault, the subject was enough to melt anyone’s brain on its own, but Dr. Grace made up for it by being an amazing professor.
He was always incredibly engaged, exceptionally witty, and, overall, just seemed to genuinely care for the material. You couldn’t deny that you definitely felt the insurmountable pressure of the high expectations he placed on his students, but something about his passion just…spoke to you. It was like he breathed life back into the subject that you chose to make your career all those years ago.
Admittedly, you had been a fan of Dr. Grace’s work since you were in undergrad, opting to enroll in this university’s program for even the mere, microscopic chance, that you could study under him. As luck would have it, he was accepting new doctorate students the year you were admitted.
Pursuing a PhD in molecular biology was daunting enough, but you learned fast under Dr. Grace’s caring hand. He made it seem like you were the only student he had ever taught, with the way his eyes lit up at your ideas, doing everything his lab’s budget could afford to make them a reality.
Over the past three years of your thesis study, you were shyly keen to admit you and Dr. Grace had grown fairly close to one another. After all, he strangely decided to stop taking students after he signed on to mentor your study, which meant that you always had his undivided attention He was by far the best teacher you had ever had, which is why it made you feel all the more guilty that you also…had not been paying attention to his question.
“Okay.” Dr. Grace let his shoulders slump in a sigh. He looked as exasperated as his students. He ran his fingers through his messy blond strands and readjusted his glasses. “Tell you what. If someone can answer this last question correctly, I’ll let you all out early. I know it’s almost finals and my exam isn’t the only one you all have to worry about, so you guys just do me this one last favor and we can call it a day”.
Your ears, along with the rest of your classmates, perked up instantly. You heard the faint sounds of students adjusting themselves in their seats as they leaned in, eager to earn this rare reprieve from classes. Dr. Grace smirked and clapped his hands together. “Alright, signs of life! So, tell me, what are the three major types of lipids that make up cellular membranes?”
This time, when you looked around, your classmates were deep in thought. Some of them looked like the act of searching for the information needed to answer the question physically pained them to work through. Not you though. This was something that you had already gone over with Dr. Grace for your research proposal write up. He had coached you through cellular membrane structure semesters ago. You raised your hand, albeit, hesitantly.
Dr. Grace had bitten his lip in anticipation looking around at his students in expectation. When his eyes met yours, his gaze softened. He nodded, waiting for your answer patiently.
“Uh, I believe they are phospholipids, glycolipids, and sterols?” You knew it was the correct answer but you still held your breath, and Dr. Grace’s stare for that matter, waiting on his confirmation. Something about the intense blue of his eyes just seemed to make coherent thoughts impossible, even when it came to material that you knew inside and out.
Dr. Grace nodded emphatically and threw up his hands. “We have a winner! Excellent work! That’s exactly right,” he exclaimed. You heard a few small cheers from your classmates in the back, who had already started packing their bags. Dr Grace retreated behind the lecturer’s stand and started to pack up his things as well. “Okay you all, a promise is a promise, you’re free to go.” The few students who had yet to pack up started doing so feverishly, as if they were afraid Dr. Grace would take back his seemingly merciful act of kindness.
Dr. Grace shouted to the back of the room as students shuffled out the door. “I will see you all bright and early next week for the final. Remember that you will need to know ALL of the protein pathways of the cell membrane to be able to answer the extra credit question! Don’t try to name only one and expect me to give you full points…” He smiled and cast his gaze down to his laptop, turning off its connection to the projector that had his meticulously detailed cell diagram thrown up on the lecture hall’s ginormous screen.
You finished shoving your books into your bag and signaled to your classmates that you would catch up to them later. You had to ask your advisor a question about finalizing a date for your dissertation. It was a little over two weeks away and not knowing all the details was driving you insane. Or maybe it was just the thought of having to present all of your research findings to the very man that basically invented the topic you were researching.
You had chosen to take an experimental approach to Dr. Grace’s hypothesis that life didn’t require water to survive. You had found some pretty compelling evidence in his favor among local bacterial life, but the thought of explaining his own research findings to the man himself had your stomach in knots. Or maybe it was just that Dr. Grace seemed to have your stomach in knots all on his own the last couple of months.
You hated to admit it, but you had developed something of a schoolgirl level crush on your professor. Sure it was somewhat embarrassing, but could anybody blame you? He was unbelievably charming, so ridiculously intelligent it was almost intimidating, funny, passionate, sincere, and…yeah.
He was pretty fucking hot too.
Everytime you walked into his lab, with him in one of those stupid science pun t-shirts that seemed to always be unfairly tight on him, leaving none of his muscular build to the imagination, you felt like your knees were going to give out from under you. Plus, he always seemed to stand right on top of you as he examined your findings through the microscope with you, which was not helpful at all. His forearms would often brush your side as he adjusted the lens settings, sending almost painful shockwaves through your body. Although, it was probably the glasses that sent you over the edge. He always seemed to look straight through your collected exterior you worked so hard to put forth when he peered at you over the rims that delicately balanced on the sharp bridge of his nose.
Who are you kidding? It was definitely the glasses that sealed your fate.
But that was inappropriate! Dr. Grace is your professor, your advisor for fuck’s sake. Nothing more!
……Right?
Yes, oh my god! Jesus, yes, of course he was just your professor. What were you even thinking?
You snapped out of your thoughts and realized that you were soon to be the last student standing awkwardly in the lecture hall. With a grunt, you gathered up your bag full of textbooks and lab equipment and shakily headed up to Dr. Grace, who was still inspecting his laptop up at the lecture podium.
He looked up from whatever he was poring over at the sound of your footsteps. He grinned at you and crossed his arms, leaning his hip onto the podium.
“Hey! There’s my favorite future doctor of microbiology. Got a nice ring to it, huh? Excellent job on that question, by the way.” He stared at you expectantly, though you know this was just another clever ruse to relieve the stress he knows he’s been putting you under. You laughed softly and cast your gaze to the floor at his praise, heat moving impossibly fast up your neck and onto your cheeks.
“You ready for the big day?” Dr. Grace asked, inquisitively, referring to your thesis presentation. His question quickly put out the flame that was building in your core and reminded you of the anxiety-inducing task you had ahead of you.
You met his eyes again. “Yeah! Totally…” you cringed, not even believing your own words. “Well, almost. I was just hoping we could talk about the dissertation date? I know you’re super busy and you’re going to have a lot of exams to grade and probably a lot of undergraduate papers too…and that I’ve technically already finished my research, really just need to finish writing the presentation slides, but I just really was..” the words seemed to spill out of you faster and faster by the second. Somewhere, in the back of your brain you willed yourself to stop babbling like an idiot but that thought never seemed to bring itself out of your subconscious and make itself useful. Dr. Grace looked at you back and forth hurriedly, trying his best to follow your words, before putting his hands on your shoulders and chuckling.
“Woah, woah, easy tiger. Slow down.” His grip on your shoulders tightened, causing you to freeze at the sudden contact. God, his hands were firm. You eased up a bit under his touch.
“Don’t get yourself so worked up. You are going to do fantastic. I know you are. That committee won’t even know what hit them,” Dr. Grace said. As he spoke, his thumbs worked their way up and down on your shoulders, almost as if they were trying to etch his words onto your skin so you would believe them. It did the trick though, you exhaled a bit before Dr. Grace continued.
“I know we have a couple of things to wrap up. Tell you what, I have to run to a faculty meeting in a bit but later tonight, how about you meet me in the lab and we can go over your data one last time, okay? Would that make you feel better?” Dr. Grace had sunk down on his knees a bit to be at eye level with you. His words warmly rushed over you, soothing your worried mind. With your thoughts a bit clearer, you hadn’t even noticed how close the two of you were. He was basically holding your body in place with his hands and his face was so close to yours that you could feel his breath as it fanned over your cheeks. He seemed to notice your close proximity as well as he dropped his hands from your shoulders suddenly and cleared his throat.
You almost sighed at the loss of contact but caught yourself at the last second. Instead you said, “That would be amazing Dr. Grace, thank you.” He lightened a bit at your agreement. “Great! I’ll probably be in there at around 8:00? Feel free to drop by then.” You nodded and waved him off as he exited the hall.
You were definitely in for a long night.
--
You found yourself pacing outside of Dr. Grace’s lab at 8 o’clock on the dot, mentally coaching yourself to go in. Why were you so nervous, even? Dr. Grace was your advisor, you had been working with him for months, this is just an ordinary lab meeting like you’ve done with him countless times before. Before you could lose your courage, you swung open the door and immediately stopped in your tracks.
Dr. Grace was positioned at the centermost lab table, carefully holding up a glass beaker to the glow of the moonlight that was being cast in through the lab’s window blinds. His brow was furrowed in concentration as he transferred a clear liquid into the beaker with a pipette dropper. He was in another one of his classic science t-shirts, his arm positioned almost at a perfect 90 degree angle holding up the beaker, which exposed every curve and vein of his bicep for your hungry eyes to devour. Bright, blue, latex gloves were pulled tight over hands that were a stark contrast to his firm arms, instead, skillfully holding the beaker in place to not spill any liquid. His glasses were knocked slightly askew on his face as he wore protective goggles over his eyes, but to you, that just made him all the more endearing.
Your eyes roved over his form, rigid and unwavering with the confidence of a man precisely in his element. Even though there was nobody else in the room except for you two, his presence seemed to demand attention. His fellow faculty members may have never paid much attention to his work outside of mindlessly recommending his lectures to their students, but, god, would you never get tired of marveling at this genius of a man. Both because he was a leading mind in your field and also because he was insanely attractive while he worked.
Dr. Grace looked up from whatever he was studying as he heard the door close softly behind you. He greeted you with a smile. “There you are, right on time as always. I would’ve expected nothing less. I’m just about wrapped up with this. Why don’t you grab your slides from the back and get set up while I put this away and then we can get started. Okay, sweetheart?”
Your heart felt like it dropped into your shoes. Dr. Grace had turned his back to you as he busied himself with something near the sink which gave you some time to process what you had just heard.
Sweetheart? That was definitely a first. I mean sure, you’ve had teachers call you that before, usually just in an endearing, almost parental way when you were younger. But something about the way he said it left you reeling. It felt…charged. Almost like he was dangling the term of endearment over both of your heads, knowing that there was nothing either of you could do to act on it. You replayed his voice saying it over and over again in your head to convince yourself you didn’t imagine it, when Dr. Grace spoke again.
“You alright over there?” He had now taken the goggles off and was wiping his regular glasses on the bottom of his t-shirt. He placed them back on carefully and put his hands on his hips, his t-shirt tightly coating his broad chest like a second skin. He raised his eyebrows at you pointedly, waiting on your answer. It was then that you finally noticed you hadn’t moved an inch.
You choked out a laugh. “Yeah! Yeah, of course.” His eyebrows drew together in questioning. You smiled weakly and hurried to grab your slides.
--
The next two hours were full of calculations and write-ups that made your brain feel like it was leaking out of your ears. You and Dr. Grace worked silently and diligently, double and triple checking your work to make sure you were prepared for your dissertation. It was honestly impressive, the way the two of you moved in tandem, re-examining slides under the microscope and writing up the conclusions on the large whiteboard at the center of the room. You two seemed to glide in and out of your respective areas with ease, Dr. Grace stopping every so often to check in and make sure that you didn’t need help with anything. Busying yourself with your work did seem to help quiet the distracting thoughts you kept having about your professor. Instead of Dr. Grace making you dizzy, it was the goddamn microscope whose viewfinder just didn’t seem to want to work with you that had your vision spinning.
You groaned in frustration and threw your arms up onto the lab counter, dramatically flopping your head onto them with a huff. Dr. Grace spun around from his designated place at the whiteboard. Your eyes were so weak with exhaustion you could barely keep them open anymore but you were able to make out that he somehow had three different dry erase markers in his possession, one tucked into the top of his ear, one in his hand that he was currently writing with, and one clenched between his teeth. He looked downright sinful as he plucked the marker from his mouth, a few drops of saliva following his fingers from where the marker met his lips. Between the microscope, your report writing, and Dr. Grace’s incessant need to unknowingly drive you crazy with want, you were certain you wouldn’t even make it to your presentation day in one piece.
“Aw, what’s wrong?” He chuckled softly. “Lens settings giving you trouble again?”
“I don’t even know why they make the knobs this sensitive. It’s like the big science companies actually want to cause me anguish and despair every waking moment of my academic career,” you whined sarcastically. Dr. Grace walked over to you, tilting his head with a small smile at your frustrated state. “Do you want me to show you a trick I learned in grad school? It saved my life a couple of times when I was back in your shoes.”
You bobbed your head up and down excitedly. Anything to make your life easier right now was welcomed with open arms. Speaking of arms, your excitement almost died in your throat as you felt Dr. Grace’s hand on the small of your back, guiding you up and back to the microscope ever so gently. He positioned you in front of the microscope with his body directly behind you. There seemed to be only an inch of space between the two of you. One wrong move and your back would be flush with his chest as he caged you in.
You felt like all of the air just got punched out of your lungs.This was too much. It was one thing for you to admire Dr. Grace from afar, knowing that there wasn’t a chance in hell of anything happening between the two of you. It was another when he had you literally locked in place, his rock solid figure giving you no chance of escape.
This was real. This was painstakingly, agonizingly, undeniably real.
It felt like your world was crashing down, your thoughts empty except for your goddamn professor's frustratingly lean body behind you that almost had you wiping your salivating mouth with your shirt sleeve. I mean seriously. A microbiology professor has no business being that toned. Your breath hitched in your throat and you cast your view down to the microscope, trying desperately to focus on the task at hand.
Except, Dr. Grace wasn’t letting you off that easily.
Dr. Grace delicately grabbed your right wrist and placed your hand on the fine adjustment knob. Except he didn’t stop there. His hand remained on yours, his fingers were ghosting your own, guiding them into exactly the right position. You felt a slight pressure in the pads of your fingers as he pressed down, swiveling the knob ever so slightly. He nudged your shoulder with his own, prompting you to take a look into the microscope.
You moved your face down into the viewfinder, placing the bridge of your nose underneath the ocular lens. Dr. Grace followed suit, leaning his head down closer to you so that it was just next to yours. This caused the very top of his chest to connect with your shoulderblades and you tensed. This could not be happening right now.
His words, a deep whisper that was very unlike his typical teacher voice, almost startled you as they were uttered so close to your ear.
“You see, the key is to take two fingers,” Dr. Grace said intensely, “and slowly–”
He lifted your pointer and middle finger along with his own, placing your middle finger on the coarse adjustment knob in addition, and slid his fingers over yours so the knob rolled heavily under the both of you.
“--work both the knobs at the same time,” Dr. Grace finished. He leaned his head back and watched you carefully, making sure you understood his instructions.
You could feel his gaze, hard and unrelenting, so you refused to look up from your slide and meet his eyes. You were almost panting with need now. The lab was usually sterile and cold, but from where you were standing it felt like you were in an inferno. You had never been this physically close to Dr. Grace before and it was setting your insides on fire. Part of you wanted to snap out of his grasp and run into the hall before you did anything you’d seriously regret. The other half of you was dying to find out what would happen if you didn’t. Pushed the boundaries a little bit. Fought fire with fire.
You couldn’t.
Could you?
You scolded your mind for wandering so far away from the task at hand and returned your thoughts to the microscope.Oh, would you look at that, Dr. Grace got the image of your slide looking pristine through the viewfinder on his very first try.
You internally scowled. It also wasn’t helpful that his academic prowess was a major turn on.
You clenched your legs together to relieve some of the pressure that had settled there, all the while, Dr. Grace still kept you in between his arms. His hands were now flat against the table, no longer guiding you. By all intents and purposes, he had absolutely no reason to still be standing so close to you but there he was, trapping you against him.
“See it now?” Dr. Grace questioned. He was referring to the absolutely gorgeous cell that was now blown up in scale through the viewfinder thanks to his help. You had to admit, you never got tired of that feeling. The feeling of staring at actual life, smaller than the tip of your pinky finger, teeming with blues and pinks and purples of the various organelles inside of it.
“I do. It’s beautiful, Dr. Grace,” you admitted. You turned your head around on your shoulder and met his eyes. He really was close to you. Truly, you could step a quarter of a foot forward and your foreheads would be pressed together in a forbidden meeting. Something to never be seen by another’s eyes. Yet, standing here, almost fully enveloped by Dr. Grace, it didn’t feel as wrong as you thought it would.
His gaze dropped down to your lips briefly. It was quick, but you noticed. He met your eyes again and you could have sworn you saw his pupils dilate in real time. The moonlight coming in through the windows earlier was now mixed with the soft glow of the campus lamplights that lined the walkways below the lab floor. The yellow lights mixed with Dr. Grace’s blue eyes, swirled a supernova of color around in his irises.
And him? He looked transfixed on you, as if you had hung the stars in the sky.
Could you do this? No. You were sleep-deprived and not thinking straight. Except your body had other ideas.You leaned in slowly, your eyes trained on Dr. Grace’s soft lips. Your hands had a mind of their own, coming up to almost cup his cheeks, like they knew you wanted this, knew you wanted to cross this boundary from which there was no coming back from.
They were never able to reach their destination.
Dr. Grace jerked back from you suddenly and retreated into the corner of the lab, pacing, his hands thrown up in defeat, folded together to support the back of his neck as he let out a wavering breath.
“Oh my god I-,” He started to spiral. “I wasn’t, I didn’t-”
He caught your eyes and immediately looked away, as if the simple act of looking at you was a punishable offense. You retreated into yourself, horrified that you would even think to act on your feelings. It was a dumb move, so ridiculously stupid, that you were afraid you just cost yourself your advisor, hell, your entire academic career.
But Dr. Grace wasn’t looking at you anymore. He was running his hands through his hair feverishly. “I’m so sorry, god, I don’t know what I was doing I-”
He whispered to himself in a tone barely audible enough for you to hear. “She’s your student, Ryland, what are you thinking?”
You realized this wasn’t about you. This was about him. He was trying to keep himself in check. Not do something he would regret. The thought that he might be having the same ideas you were having, filled you with a confidence you had no business having.
You slowly walked over to him and he flinched when he realized how close you had gotten.
“Dr. Grace?” you whispered.
Dr. Grace stilled as if your voice snapped some invisible thread that was holding him together.
“Your hands are shaking–here let me help you,” you picked up his hands with your own, interlocking your fingers, half expecting him to recoil from your touch, but he didn’t. “I, I don’t know what to say,” Dr. Grace strained. “I’m so sorry, you’re my best student, I have no idea what came over me.” He sounded wrecked. Like you had stolen all of the air from his lungs. It was in that moment that you made a decision. One that was going to seal your fate either for better or for the worst. You took a deep inhale.
In one deadly move, you surged forward and captured his lips into your own. You felt Dr. Grace tense up immediately but melt into your touch as you tangled your hands into his blond strands. His hands fell onto your hips like they were always made to be there. It was a searing kiss, with both of you putting your entire body weight into the other, as if this was the last chance that you were going to get to make this mistake. He pulled you closer to him, pressing his hands into you so hard you were sure he was going to leave a mark.
You broke apart, breathless. Dr. Grace squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his forehead onto yours. He shook his head. “I am your professor,” Dr. Grace choked out. “I’m responsible for you, I could lose my job, my title, my reputation,” It sounded like he was trying to make a list of all of the reasons this was a bad idea but you didn’t care. The only person he was trying to convince at this point was himself. He cupped your face in his hands and scanned your expression.
“I need you to tell me to stop.”
Silence.
“God, I am in so much trouble.”
He drew you into another kiss and you happily reciprocated. It felt like fireworks were being lit off in your chest. Whatever you had imagined, this was a million times better. He was somehow both gentle and rough at the same time, trying to devour you like you were his last meal. He ducked his head down into your neck and took your skin between his teeth, nipping at the soft flesh.
“You have no idea what you’ve been doing to me” he breathed out. He was working his way up your neck, kissing the exposed flesh as he went.
“Every time,” Kiss. “You talk,” Kiss. “All I can think about,” Kiss. “Is your mouth on mine.”
He walked you backwards, his mouth never leaving yours. Eventually your back hit the lab counter. It stung a bit but you didn’t care. All you could focus on was getting that t-shirt off of his frame and onto the floor. You were dying to see what was under those stupid science pun prints.
You moaned into his mouth and tugged at the bottom of his shirt, signalling to him what you wanted. He leaned back a bit, arms still encircling your waist, and smirked. “Yeah? You want this off?” he questioned knowingly. You nodded.
“Come on, use your words. You want my shirt off?” he asked.
Oh, he was going to kill you. “Yes, Dr. Grace,” you answered, obediently. Dr. Grace’s eyes almost rolled into the back of his head. He groaned. “Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what?” you asked. “That thing with your voice,” Dr. Grace said. “Calling me doctor all sweet like you do, you know you can call me Ryland.” You tugged on the hem of his shirt once more. “Okay, Ryland. Shirt. Off. Now,” you demanded.
“Yes, ma’am,” he snickered. He made quick work of grabbing the bottom of his shirt and ripping it over his head. He made to pull you back into another kiss but you stopped him just short of contact. You pushed him back slightly, leaning back and drinking him in. You couldn’t even believe what you were seeing. Ryland was fucking ripped.
The evening light highlighted his abs just right, where you could take in every curve and detail, as his muscles seemed to strain against absolutely nothing. You ran your hands down his stomach and he shivered. His stomach intricately curved down into a sharp V that was so defined, you had to do a double take to convince yourself it was real. “Who knew microbiology was such a grueling subject?” you joked.
Dr. Grace laughed. “Hey, I personally think that understanding cellular adaptation and atrophy is more difficult than any workout.” You shook your head and smiled. Even when he was hot and heavy, he still took every opportunity to make a science joke. You wouldn’t have it any other way.
This time it was you who pulled him back into a kiss. He stole your move and tugged on the bottom of your blouse. You untangled your hands from his hair and began to undo the top buttons. Ryland followed your hands with his mouth as you worked your way down the shirt. With each inch of skin that was exposed to him, Ryland placed an open-mouth kiss there, leaving wet patches along your chest. As you reached the last button, Ryland’s mouth stayed on your navel but his arms snaked up to help you abandon the offending fabric..
He looked up at you from where he was perched on his knees, his chin on your stomach, those sweet blue eyes still in awe of you. That this was happening. That you weren’t something out of his wildest dreams. His right index finger toyed with the button on your pants. “Can I take these off, sweetheart?” Your eyes widened. Ryland grinned. “I’m going to take that as a yes with your eyes, now I just need your mouth to tell me the same.”
“Yes”, you rasped. He wasted no time pulling both your pants and your underwear down in one fell swoop, nearly knocking you off balance, but, of course, Ryland was there to catch you as you fell. He steadied you by digging both his palms into the back of your thighs, palming your flesh. He stood up, hands not leaving you for a second, meeting your lips again.
“Jump,” he stated simply. Without a second thought you hoisted yourself up by digging your hands into his shoulders and felt his strong hands grab the underside of your thighs, lifting you onto the lab table. The coldness of the counter was a stark contrast to the heat that was coursing through your body; it almost made you wince. You made to return Ryland’s favor and undo his jeans, but he caught your hands in his.
“Not yet, I want to make you feel good first,” he said, lips now working their way up the side of your face and under your earlobe.. “Is that alright?” he asked. You shuddered as the breath of his words met your skin. His hands had left their spots on your thighs and fluttered over your torso, tracing the outline of your ribs on your skin.
“O-okay,” you stuttered. It felt like your entire body was numb, but also so sensitive to every touch that Ryland gave you, all at once. Ryland leaned back and took your naked form in again. “Thatta girl,” the words seemed to drip off his tongue. He tapped your knees in encouragement and dropped to his knees again, parting your legs gently. He met your eyes quickly, a silent ask for permission which you readily granted.
With that, he kissed the insides of your thighs, working his way inwards from the inside of your knees. As he got closer to the spot where you needed him most, you felt the sharp edges of his glasses rims knock into your inner thighs. Ryland leaned back on his calves. “Sorry, sweetheart. Let me get these out of our way,” he plucked his glasses off of his face and made to place them on the counter before you interjected.
“No!” you startled yourself by how quickly you responded. Ryland looked up at you, puzzled. However, he paused where he was at, glasses still in hand. You sheepishly smiled. “Keep them on. Please.” You internally grimaced, embarrassed by your begging. However, after three years of pining after your professor, you were not passing up the thought of looking down to his glasses-framed face as he fucking ate you out.
Ryland smiled smugly. “Got a thing for the glasses, huh?” He placed them delicately back on his face. “Tell me,” he said, “Is it the daring Clark Kent vibe that gets you going or the wizened academic look that you like more?” He gestured to his face, mostly jokingly, but you could sense there was a genuine question somewhere in there. You leaned down and pushed the glasses further up his nose. “What can I say, I’ve got a thing for hot, nerdy, men,” you replied.
He laughed. “I’ll take it.”
It felt natural, the progression. His kisses felt earned, given with adoration, and he made sure that not an inch of you went untouched. After what felt like a million light years of him paying attention to everywhere except where you wanted, he licked a long, wet, downright disrespectful stripe up your folds. You moaned instantly and threw your head back. You didn’t even have any time to recover before he dove in again, his tongue swirling around your clit and sucking gently.
He didn’t know all of the spots to make you squirm right off the bat, but god was he a quick study. Whenever his tongue brushed a spot that tore a sound out of you, he made sure to hit that spot again. Over and over again. He seemed determined to get as many sounds out of you as he could, and you happily obliged. Not like you had much of a choice in the matter.
Fuck, he was good, you thought.
“Yeah?” Ryland asked from between your thighs. “You think so?”
You hadn’t realized you said that part outloud. You were too overwhelmed with bliss to even care. “Fuck yes, Ryland. You feel so fucking good, oh my-”
A finger being pushed into your folds cuts you off instantly. After that, there truly was no hope for you. He set a punishing pace, pumping his fingers in and out while using his tongue to get to all of the spots that his fingers couldn’t reach while preoccupied. You clenched around his fingers and you felt him tense as he jut his hips forward involuntarily. “Ryland,” you gasped. “I’m gonna-” You couldn’t even finish your sentence before Ryland picked up his pace further, if that was even possible.
“Come on, sweetheart. You can do it, let go,” you heard Ryland say, even though his voice sounded muffled and far away. His mouth returned to your clit, sucking hard, and the coil in your lower stomach finally broke. A loud moan tore out of you and you bit the back of your hand to silence yourself. You were still in the campus lab after all. Euphoria washed over you, from head to toe, and your legs shook with the impact. Ryland’s hand came up to steady you as he slowed slightly and worked you through it.
“There you go, just like that. I got you,” he coaxed gently. You moved the palm that you were biting down your face as the waves subsided. You couldn’t help it, you collapsed back on the table. Ryland resumed his ritual of kissing up your navel, to the center of your sternum, in between your collarbones, and finally, standing up, to your lips. You returned his kiss, although rather weakly.
“You okay?” he asked. You nodded. He paused for a moment, seemingly pondering if he should speak again. He decided on another question.
“You want more?” he asked, his voice deeper this time, lower.
“Fuck yes,” you cursed.
His words invigorated you with a second wind. You sat up quickly, hands rushing to undo the button and zipper on his jeans as he leaned into your hair and placed kisses to your head. As you fumbled with his belt loops, you could feel his arousal underneath your palm. Just to test the waters, you palmed him slightly, earning a whimper from Ryland into your hair. You hopped down from the counter as you finished unzipping his jeans. Ryland took over from there, sliding his jeans and underwear down in one go. Your eyes immediately cast downward and you bit your lip.
His cock sprang forward, rock hard and already leaking pre-cum. You would have never guessed in your wildest dreams that he would be this big. It made your mouth water. You slowly began to sink to your knees to show him as good of a time as he just gave you, but he stopped you with a hand to your chest.
“Please I- I can’t wait any longer,” Ryland searched your eyes. “I need to be inside you.”
Oh.
His words almost made you falter. As if you hadn’t had enough life-altering experiences tonight, here was Dr. Ryland Grace, published scientist, respected research and professor, begging to fuck you.
Ryland seemed to take your silence as a yes, as he grabbed your hips and gave you one last kiss before spinning you to face the lab counter. From your perspective, you could see out the lab’s large windows. The lab was on the second floor of the science building, so all you could see out the window was the tops of the trees on the grounds. Still, all that was running through your mind at this moment was the fact that students could be walking down below, without a clue about all of the filthy things you and your professor were doing in his lab.
Ryland places a hand on the small of your back and pushed you forward, effectively bending you over the lab counter. Your palms hit the counter, leaving an imprint on the black tops. Ryland kissed your back and you felt words muttered onto your skin. “Is this okay?”
“Yes, Ryland, please just-” He didn’t even let you finish. As soon as the word ‘yes’ left your mouth, he was pushing inside you. His cock stretching you out slow and depraved, making you gasp. Ryland cursed behind you, his hands flying to your hips and digging his short nails into your sides. He pushed slowly inside, inch by glorious inch until he was buried completely inside you. You turned your head slightly to see Ryland’s perfect face. He had his head thrown back, eyes closed, as if the act of being inside you was something that deserved a moment of silent reverence.
“Ryland?”
“Hm?” he hummed without opening his eyes.
“Move,” you demanded.
Well, you did ask for it. He pumped in and out of you like a piston, building up a rhythm that had you sobbing. Ryland’s hands never left your hips, you think he needed to hold on to them for his own sanity at this point. “Fuck you feel, you’re-” he sputtered. “You’re so fucking tight.”
His pace quickened as tears squeaked their way out of your eyes and onto the lab counter. You were sure that you had never felt this good in your entire life. You could feel that low simmer in your stomach that you felt earlier. You were close. “Just like that Ryland, I’m gonna cum again”, you croaked. Your voice was gone, all of the air absent from your lungs.
Ryland seemed to sense it too as his once steady rhythm faltered and failed at points. He was losing steam, and fast. “Oh my, oh my fucking god,” he growled. “Come on, cum with me, that’s my girl.”
The praise sent you over the edge. As your second wave rocked your body, you felt Ryland following suit. His hips stuttered as he spilled inside of you with a broken moan. His head fell forward onto your back as you felt his last few strokes, slow and intimate, pushing everything he gave you back inside, not letting a drop of the evidence of both of your choices drip onto the lab floor.
You could barely breathe. It was the best feeling in the world. Ryland stroked your hair and slowly pulled out from you, with you whining at the loss of contact. You rolled slightly on to your side, looking at your professor, a sheen of sweat gracing his gorgeous body, glasses askew on his nose. Ryland leaned back onto the lab table and brushed his fingers through his hair, a deep sigh leaving his cheeks. He turned over to you.
“So professor,” you teased in a sultry tone. You batted your eyelashes innocently. “Does this mean I get extra credit?”
✦Read on aO3! - Masterlist - Soldier Boy Masterlist✦
✦summary: after being woken up, soldier boy found a woman, promised he'd never leave her, then did. two years later, he's back and looking for one thing only. you.✦
✦warnings/tags: Soldier Boy x female!reader, no use of y/n, no description of reader, age gap (he's a hundred, it's to be expected), angst, softer!ben, canon divergance, pining, some plot to get to the smut (posessiveness, some spanking, dirty talk, teasing, praise and degredation kink, dom!Ben, fingering, begging, manhandling, nipple play, pussy slapping, fingering, oral f!reciving, edging, creampie, big dick ben, overstimulation, body worship, rough sex, just complete debauchery, dumbification, dacryphilia, finger sucking, squirting), love confessions, fluff✦
✦wc: 11.1k✦
✦author's note: made myself start drooling with this one. enjoy!✦
You had a secret. And you kept it buried in the deepest, most sacred corner of your heart. Not out of shame.
Out of survival.
It’s best to keep your head down, in a world like this one. Supes patrol the streets, and people who are a little too loud and unhappy get sent to their death. Vought says it’s just to be corrected, but you know. Everyone knows.
They’ve just all learned how to whisper about it.
And you’re braver than you wanted to be. You do more than you should be doing, when the most anyone should be worrying about is waking up in their bed the next morning. But there’s the teenage girl who lives down the hall from you, who got loud about hating Homelander in school, and almost got taken because of it. You helped her get out, and lied to the face of the people who showed up to find her.
You lied with a smile, too.
He would’ve found that amusing. He would’ve teased you about acing so cool and collected, right up until you were staring down the barrel of a gun. There hadn’t been a trip of your heartbeat, or stumble in your breath. Lives depended on you being able to do this.
And they depended on you being able to keep your head down.
You’d gotten good at it. Before him, it had been your job to keep calm and collected. Doctors couldn’t be panicking and crying over everything, or nothing would ever get done.
“What about when something’s real fucking gross and sticky?” He used to ask you. “You allowed to cry then?”
You’d smiled at the dishes in your hands. “Would you cry over something gross and sticky?”
“No, because I’m not a-“
“Fucking pussy.”
You’d dropped your voice to mock his, your smile becoming stupid and ditzy as the chair had scraped on the floor behind you. Riling him up was too easy. And if he didn’t want you to keep poking all his old, shiny buttons, he shouldn’t make it so damn fun.
“You got a mouth on you, doll.” Ben had muttered in your ear, arms wrapping around your stomach.
“Hm.” You hadn’t stopped washing the dishes. He’d rip them away from you soon, you might as well focus on what you can.
“Hm? All you got to say is hm?”
“I think you like my mouth.” You’d swayed on your feet, shrugging lazily.
Ben’s arms had tightened around you. “I like somethin’ about your mouth.”
“You like all of it. You like me so much, you chose weed over me, you think I’m better than weed-“
Your dishes had clattered into the sink. Ben spun you around, grabbed your wrists, and pinned them to the counter as he slammed his mouth of yours. You’d made a happy sound, craning your neck to try and chase more, and he’d chuckled. Soft, light kisses had been trailed down your jaw and over your throat, landing on a spot that seemed to be permanently dark since you’d met him.
He’d bitten at the skin, then sucked, letting his tongue flick slightly. Before him, you hadn’t even known you were into that. Now you can’t even graze the spot without your body getting fuzzy and confused. Like it knows he’s supposed to be there.
But he’s not.
“You’re lucky I like you.” Ben had muttered. “And you’re not a genius to figure that out, I think I’ve made it real fucking clear.”
You’d beamed at the air, wrapping an arm around his neck when he released one wrist. His massive hand had grabbed your waist, slipping fingers under the hem of the shirt. You’d shivered, and leaned into his mouth.
He’d been solid. Safe. And you’d been so foolishly sure that he was going to be there forever.
“You have.” You’d breathed.
And you’d really believed it.
But then he’d just… Left.
You’d woken up the next morning, and he’d been off with William Butcher to deal with Homelander. He’d failed, on both the being with William Butcher front and the deal with Homelander front. They’d said he had died. You’d sunken into something like a ghost, wandering through the world without touching anything, passing through days like they were all just a veil to something else.
There were regrets. Not demanding that he stay. Not kicking him out the first time he ended up on your doorstep. Talking to him that first night at the corner store at all, because at least then your heart would’ve still been beating instead of this hollow, gray husk.
But you also wouldn’t have traded him for the world. The time had been fleeting. Only a few splatters of paint on what had previously been a clean, respectable life.
You’d found out you liked being dirty. You liked all the color it came with, and you’d liked how Ben had held your hand through the whole thing. You don’t know why he had. You don’t even know why he’d liked you, why he’d bothered coming back over and over, why he’d decided that you—of all the many, more interesting, more carefree people in the world—were the one he wanted to share himself with.
“You shouldn’t eat those.” You’d told the strange, handsome man at one in the morning.
He’d looked at you like you were crazy. You’d blinked innocently back—a faint bell in your head, ringing that he looked familiar, and you should’ve listened to it—and he’d raised his brows.
“You talking to me?”
“Um,” you’d looked around the aisle. “Yeah? Who else would I be talking to.”
The man had grunted. His eyes hadn’t left yours for a second, and he’d been staring like he was trying to peel you apart. You’d started to feel all dizzy under the attention—he was very pretty, and pretty people shouldn’t stare like that—and shifted on your feet.
“There are studies.” You’d said lamely. “About those drinks. They give you cancer.”
“Cancer?” The man had snorted. “Doll, I’m not worried about fucking cancer-“
“You should be. It’s linked to pancreatic cancer, which is very- Fast spreading.” All your usual, well performed confidence had been wavering. Why had he been staring at you like that. “Because of the pancreases function in, um, your body, it’s basically- It’s fast spreading-“
“You said that already.”
You’d swallowed. His voice was very deep. “Oh.”
His eyes had shined with something that, in the moment, you hadn’t understood.
Now you know it to his form of affection. When he’d look at you and decided that you were real fucking cute, like a twitchy bunny—his words—and wanted to have more.
In the store, you’d hadn’t been sure if he was going to murder you or make an indecent proposal.
He hated that movie. You’d made him watch it, a few weeks later, and he’d been furious she chose the penniless sad sack. You’d told him you’d chose him, if he was the penniless sad sack. He’d grumbled that he hoped you’d have better survival instincts than that, but you’d been able to read him by now. He’d liked that a lot, and you had the hickies after to prove it.
And he’d laughed.
That night, he’d just laughed.
“You some kind of a fucking doctor?”
“Yeah.” You’d said, nervous and small. “I- I am.”
The man had blinked. Looked over you like he was seeing you for the first time, and leaned back as if the sight punched him in the face. You’d still been wearing your scrubs. Later you’d tease him about not paying attention.
He’d say he’d just been that enraptured by your beauty. You’d flush, and tell him he was using that word wrong. He’d say he didn’t fucking care, and kiss you until you were stupid and giggling.
“What’s good?” He’d jerked his head at the drinks, and you pointed to a different can a shelf over.
He’d eyed you suspiciously, but grabbed it and stomped away. You’d thought he’d be gone when you paid for your own food and walked to the parking lot. Instead he’d been waiting at the counter, watching you with that same, wearily curious expression.
“Are you going to stalk me to my car?” You’d asked causally, careful not to look him in the eyes.
He’d grunted. “I’m escorting you. Stalking makes me sound like I’m some fucking creep-“
“You’re a stranger who’s going to follow me to my car. I should be calling 911.”
“911 couldn’t stop me, sweetheart.”
You’d paused, frowning at him. He’d rolled his eyes, looking around the store like he expected a camera crew to pop out and tell him the whole thing was a prank.
“Don’t call 911.” He’d muttered.
“Why shouldn’t I.”
“Cause I’m not going to fucking hurt you, that’s why-“
“And why should I trust that?”
He’d blinked. That thought hadn’t occurred to him at all.
“I swear I won’t.”
“Promises mean nothing.”
“My promises mean something-“
“Not to me, they don’t.”
He’d stared at you. You’d tipped up your chin, and held his gaze. You were not going to be murdered in a parking lot tonight. You’d ordered new pants last night, and you wanted to be alive to see them.
The man had caved before you. He hadn’t been happy about it, but you’d come to learn that he was never openly happy about anything. There was his genuine annoyance, and his fluffy annoyance. Where he didn’t mean a single groan or eye roll or muttered curse.
He saved that second one for you. And he hated that you called it fluffy annoyance, because he wasn’t ‘fucking fluffy’. But you’d tell him that you liked him fluffy, as long as it was just yours. And he’d said he was just yours, and he’d promised, and you’d learned how to believe him.
“My name is Ben.” He’d told you, reaching into his jacket. “And if I try to hurt you, use this.”
And he’d handed you a fucking gun. The poor cashier that had been listening to all of this shrieked and ducked behind the counter. You’d gaped at Ben, then smacked his arm.
“What the fuck-“
“You can’t just pull out a gun, are you crazy!”
“Don’t call me crazy, I’m trying to make you feel- Fucking better or whatever-“
“How is a gun going to make me feel better, I’m a doctor-“
“So you can stitch me up after you shoot me, all the fucking better-“
“I am not going to shoot you-“
“But you could, that’s what the damn gun is for-“
“I don’t want your gun, I just-“ You’d cut yourself, glancing at the shaking cashier. It had just been some high school kid. He didn’t deserve to deal with this.
And even then, some part of you had known. Ben was a lot of things. Most of them weren’t half as pretty as his face.
But he wasn’t a liar. He’d realty thought the gun would make you feel better.
Later, you’d learn that it had really only been meant to make you feel better. Literally. That if he had been intending to hurt you—which he hadn’t, as he reminded you all the time—the gun wouldn’t have done fucking shit to stop that. But he’d thought it would help you be less nervous. And as much as you’d punch his dumb, big chest after he told you, you had to admit that the plan had—in a very roundabout way—worked.
“Come on.” You’d turned on your heels and walked out of the store.
Ben had followed.
And for a strange, priceless month, you’d known that if you looked over your shoulder, he’d be there. It had become a comfort. It had become the best thing in your life.
Then it had been gone.
Ben had left you, and the world had only gotten darker from there.
So you have all these regrets, that you pile on top of your secret. And they tell you to be more careful. You haven’t been on a date since Ben, although you never even technically dated. You’d never even fucked. It had been a lot of kisses and sharing a bed and wandering hands. Ben had asked. He’d asked all the time, and always sighed dramatically when you said after. After he was done with Butcher. After he dealt with Homelander, he could have whatever he wanted from you.
It was already his for the taking, he just needed to reach it.
And now all of you sat on a high, dusted shelf, waiting for hands that would never reach it.
Now, you’re careful.
After that girl down the hall, there had been the couple on the side of the highway. They’d been trying to hide from Black Noir, but one of them had an infected cut and was getting a fever. You’d treated it, then been on your way.
Then there had been the little boy who’s parents had been taken, and the shrapnel in his foot. The older woman who’s son had been shot, and the people who’d been hit in collateral and didn’t have insurance. And you kept helping and helping and helping, but always with your head down. If you were smarter, you wouldn’t help at all. It draws attention. Attention begs for investigation. Investigation undercovers secrets, and Ben had always been very clear.
No one could know who you are. What you were to him.
Why you have that gun in your closet, unloaded and kept clean like an heirloom. It wouldn’t be hard to trace it to Ben. It wouldn’t take a long time—especially for Sage, who you’ve only seen once from afar but sent a chilling fear through your bones all the same—to realize why you had one of Soldier Boy’s guns. To look at cameras and place timelines and know. What you’d meant to him.
Part of you wants her to. Maybe she’d be able to tell you, after.
Because he hadn’t stayed for you. And you hadn’t been foolish enough to ask him to.
But still.
You’d hoped he would.
“We should go somewhere.” He’d muttered one night, lying flat on his back.
And you’d looked at him in the dark, and found him staring back. He’d always been staring back.
“When this is done.” Ben had reached over, grabbing your wrist. He did that when he needed your attention. You don’t think he ever knew that he had all of you, whether he wanted to grab it or not.
“Done?” You’d breathed. Ben had nodded.
“The whole thing. All of it. I’m not going back into acting and shit, everything is bad now anyway-“
“You liked Paddington 2-“
“Shhh.” Ben had covered your mouth, eyes shining. “Can’t fucking prove that, can you, doll.”
You’d shrugged smiling against his hand. Ben had leaned down until your brows were pressed together, and let out a slow, heavy breath.
“We’ll go.” He’d said it like a secret. Like even in the empty room, you were still the only person he wanted anything to do with in the world. “Anywhere in the world that you want. No more of this fucking bullshit. Just you and me.”
And you’d giggled. You’d pulled his hand away with a laugh, and kissed his adorable little frown.
“You like me so much.” You’d whispered.
Ben had only stared. His heavy sigh had fanned over your cheeks, and he’d kissed the space between your eyes.
“You got no idea.”
And you wish you had.
You wish you’d asked him to stay, but you keep that buried with the rest of it. You don’t want to think about how if you had, he might’ve.
If you had, he might still be next to you today.
You broke a cup.
The TV in the breakroom is always on, but you usually just spare it passing glances. Since Homelander’s takeover, it mostly just plays Firecracker’s stupid propaganda show, or reruns of old Vought movies with Starlight’s scenes cut out. It makes for a clonky, confusing storyline. Sometimes you watch it when you’re bored, if only to feel a ghost of a smile.
Other days, they play Ben’s old movies. And you can’t stand to listen to those. Just his voice makes you shiver and look around the room, as if he might materialize and grin at you the same way he always did. Like in his eyes, everything just narrowed down to you. The walls existed to hold you and everything around the room was a noise or blockade that needed to be moved, so he could be at your side.
I’d swim in the ocean for you, doll. He’d told you one. You’d laughed. He’d meant it to be romantic, but he’d just sounded annoyed about it, and it had been so stupidly sweet you’d fallen a little more in love with him. But love with Ben had always come like that. In slow drips that built up and up and up, until there was a bucket to be doused over your head and you had to understand.
That he had been everything.
You’d known too late. The downpour had come with the news of his death, when every light had become too bright, and all the color in the world had been washed out to nothing. You hadn’t been able to tell your co-workers why you’d stumbled and started to whine like a lost dog. Why you’d needed the week off, because your legs had turned to lead and it was too hard to get out of bed.
And you’re not going to be able to explain this, either.
Why you hear his voice, look up at the TV on an instinct you’re never going to be able to squash, and drop your cup.
It shatters all over the floor. The two nurses at the table shoot up to help, one saying something about walking carefully over the broken glass, but you don’t hear it.
There’s only the ringing in your ears, and—rising above it all—Ben’s voice.
This isn’t old footage. You’d know. You’ve watched every video and listened to every archived radio interview, just trying to hold onto what you could.
No.
This is new.
Which means Ben- He’s alive.
He’s on the TV. Standing next to Homelander with a bored, unimpressed expression, hands on his belt, looking the exact same as he day he left you.
He left you.
It wasn’t death that took him. He’s right there, instead of at your side. His gaze is just as intense as before, and he holds himself with the same confident, lazy posture, and his mouth stays in the pretty, downturned line that you always loved grabbing up and pulling into a smile.
He’d grab your wrists, but not move you away. He’d ask what you thought you were doing, but he already knew. You’d beam and kiss his nose. He’d pretend to bite yours, and you’d dissolve into giggles and wrap around him like a koala. He’d tell you he didn’t know what he was going to do with you. You’d call him a liar. Say he knew perfectly well what he wanted to do with you. And he’d grumble, because you teased him so much without ever actually throwing him a bone.
You always reminded him there were plenty of other women out there who would happily want his bone. You’d wink, and he’d give you that adoring, exasperated look.
He’d say he didn’t care about any other bones but yours. You’d say that you were both losing the metaphor.
Ben would say he didn’t fucking care, and flip you under him. You’d lose track of time. Of the movie you were supposed to be watching. Of the world.
And then he left.
Just left.
Wasn’t taken. Ben just… Left. After telling you so many sweet thing, after making so many promises, he just left. And now he’s back.
But not back with you.
Your hand is bleeding. You tried to pick up some of the glass, and it sliced along your palm. You barely even feel it. A part of you was already bleeding all over the floor anyways.
He didn’t come back.
Ben couldn’t fucking find you.
He wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t about to go up to any of these weird little pussies and ask them where you were. He didn’t need them to know you existed. No one needed to know you existed but Ben himself.
Before he chased after Butcher, he’d gone to your apartment. And he’d been a fucking idiot with this picture in his head, where he’d knock on the door and you’d been thrilled to see him. He’d sweep you off your feet, and you’d be crying with joy, then he’d fuck you and carry you far, far away from here.
But he’d knocked. And knocked. And shouted your name, but no one had answered the fucking door.
He’d broken in. You’d be mad about that, if you were with him. That was the kind of thing that got him a stern finger and snapped Benjamin like he was a damn dog being scolded for pissing on the couch.
Don’t kill that guy who’s harassing me, Benjamin. Don’t pick up that car in my parking spot and throw it across the street. Don’t punch the dickheaded dumbass who cat called me, it’s fine, it happens all the time.
It was real fucking cute when you got all mouthy and angry with him, as if there was a damn thing you could do about it.
Although he had always listened.
But it was real hard to tell you no. Or upset you. Or do anything that made your voice all thick and eyes all watery and sad. Ben had a lot of fantasies about your wobbling lips and sad little kicked kitten eyes—the ones you gave him when he was gone for longer than he said he’d be, or had very fucking reasonably verbally threated the men who’d been giving you a hard time—but none of them involved you being sad. They were all about how pretty you looked like that, and how nice it would be to see that gorgeous sight without feeling so fucking bad about it.
His heart squeezed uncomfortably, when he made you upset or nervous. It was incredibly fucking annoying. When it had first happened, he’d decided he needed to keep you close. To figure out what the fuck you were—what supe or Russian spy had been sent after him—so he could neutralize you.
Then you’d just been a person. And Ben had to deal with the fact that his dumbass fucking heart just did that for you. It didn’t do that for anyone else, and he’d been alive a damn long time.
He’d been angry about it, for about ten seconds.
And then you’d smiled at him.
He’d decided that as long as you were smiling, there wasn’t much to be angry about in the whole fucking world.
There were things to be angry about now, though.
You weren’t smiling. You weren’t there. Ben had kicked down your apartment door and found it empty. Bare.
Hollow.
Something inside of him had split and become so fucking hollow. He’d ripped up the floorboards and checked in the vents. He’d punched a hole in the wall and roared your name, but you’d been gone.
Someone had to have taken you. You’d always been to smart and kind, you might’ve said something truthful and gotten dragged off to one of Homelander’s stupid camps for it.
If you were dead, Ben was going to break some shit. A lot of shit. Namely, Homelander’s fucking skull between his hands.
And if you were alive, he’d still probably do that anyways. For hiding you and hurting you. He’d just be faster about it. You didn’t need to see that shit, and the moment Ben had you again he wasn’t going to let go for a damn second.
He just had to find you first.
Ben had been good at investigating, in his day. But shit had also been simpler. There hadn’t been Sage hanging over his shoulder and watching him like a very annoying hawk. That Firecracker girl hadn’t been trying to hit on him—a shame, because his dick was sore, but his hands hurt even trying to touch someone else so he shut it down fast—and Homelander hadn’t been whining like a little fucking bitch baby all the damn time.
All these damn computers with their fucking passcodes and weird words didn’t help either. Ben spent an hour trying to break into one, then physically broke it, and all the others in the lab.
The Fish-Fucker walked in on him. Ben narrowed his eyes, and the pussy paled and raised shaking hands.
“Hey, dude, I didn’t see anything-“
“You know how to open a computer?” Ben barked, and Fish-Fucker blinked.
“Uhh… You mean log into one?” Fish-Fucker laughed, high and weak. “Yeah, bro, I know how to log in to a computer, who doesn’t know how to-“
He cut himself off as Ben’s jaw ticked, going even paler. He even looked like a fish.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean- You shouldn’t kill me! I can log in, I can find whatever you want-“
“Shut up.” Ben raised a hand, and the Fish-Fucker fell silent. “You know how to keep your mouth shut?”
“Yes. Yes- Sir-“
“Open it.” Ben pointed at the computer, and Fish Fucker scrambled forward.
He grabbed the back of the pussies neck before he could sit down, dropping his voice to a hiss.
“You tell anyone about this, I stuff you up like a fuck doll and turn you into fucking chow, you got that?”
Fish-Fucker nodded, throat bobbing and body twitching all pathetically. Ben let him go, and stood back up.
“Good. I got a name for you to look up.”
Fish-Fucker laughed nervously, nodding as he hit his fingers all over the keyboard. “More revenge, sir?”
“No.” Ben muttered, clasping his hand in front of him.
Revenge isn’t going to help, Ben. You’d told him that over and over again, but you’d also run your fingers through his hair and told him you wouldn’t stop him. He’d asked you if you’d still be there when he came back with blood on his hands. He’d meant it to be teasing, a thing he used to say to old lovers to test how much they could handle. They’d always giggled and rolled their eyes like they thought it was a damn joke. You’d tipped your head at him, eyes sharp and bright, and sighed.
You’d told him he’d need to take a shower, first.
And Ben had known.
“What is it, then?” Fish-Fucker asked, and Ben didn’t bother to answer.
That wasn’t for anyone to know but him. You weren’t for anyone to know. Not these horrible, weak people who would hurt you and use you against him.
Your face popped up on the screen. The smiling photo that you’d used on social media—you’d taught him what that was, and he didn’t fucking care for it but he sure as hell liked seeing pictures of you—and a link to your profile at that hospital you’d worked at.
You still worked there. You weren’t gone.
Ben’s heart did a little flutter. He ignored it. That kind of gooey shit could be saved for after he found you.
“Who is she?” Fish-Fucker peered at your photo. Ben should pop his eyeballs out of his damn skull. “A Starlighter?”
Ben grunted. “Don’t ask stupid fucking questions.”
Fish-Fucker said something else. Ben didn’t listen to it.
He had to go find you.
You get home, and you feel like nothing.
It’s been two weeks, since you found out Ben was alive. Two long weeks where time dragged you through the mud and you had to learn how to keep your heart beating.
You pulled out the gun every night. You’d never shoot it—you didn’t even have ammunition—but you’d needed to hold it. To cling to proof that it hadn’t all been a dream. He’d been here. He’d given you part of him to keep.
Then he’d decided you weren’t worth the rest.
You’d thought, like a naïve, lovesick school girl, that you were going to be worth the rest.
You kick off your shoes, and go straight for the gun again. You lie on the floor, because it’s cold and that forces you to stay awake. You haven’t been sleeping properly, and when you pass out from exhaustion you don’t wake up well rested. It all hurts. It always hurts, and you don’t think it’s ever going to not hurt again.
You close your eyes, hugging the gun tight to your chest. Tears are burning behind your eyes again. You’d been hoping you’d run out, but you feel the hot shame of one sliding down your cheek. A broken sob rattles through your chest, and you’ve given up on fighting it.
This is just always going to hurt.
“I didn’t give you that so you could shoot yourself, doll.”
You scream. Your hands fly before you can think, scrambling to grab the gun. Some scratch in the back of your head knows that a bad idea, and drum in your chest demands that it’s bad idea, but you’re tired and afraid. You thought you were alone, and you’re not, so you aim the gun straight at the man standing in your door.
Ben grabs it like he’s taking a toy from a toddler. He takes out the empty clip and examines it with a frown, his hair flopping over his face. You’re breathing so shallow you think you might have passed out. You’ve had a lot of dreams about him since he left. You’ve just finally gone off the deep-end, and now they’re hallucinations.
“Hm. Not loaded.” Ben tosses the clip off to the side, shooting you a smirk. “Good girl.”
You don’t know if you scream again, or crawl to him on your knees. He sounds real. He looks real. He’s smiling at you like he never left, like you hadn’t pour every piece of yourself out to make room for the swelling grief of his absence. If you reach out, you think you’d find solid muscle and warmth. A heart that beats under your fingers, in a rhythm you always hear when you close your eyes. Ben would cover your hand with his own, holding onto your wrist the same way he did before. Like he wanted to tie you together. Like he could never bear to let go.
Or you’d just pass right through thin air.
And everything you have left would dissolve with the illusion.
You wrap your arms tight around your stomach, drawing your knees to your chest. You know this is fear. You know Ben thinks fear is weak, but he’s never looked at you and said you were anything but his.
Then he left.
And you’re not anyone’s anymore.
Ben says your name, and you swallow. He sounds so real.
“Ben?” You whisper.
A familiar smile ghosts over his lips. It terrifies you.
“Me.” He murmurs, tossing the gun onto the couch without breaking your gaze. “Hey, doll.”
He takes a step forward.
You push back, pressing yourself into a small ball on the floor.
Ben freezes. His brow furrows, and his lips press in a tight, thin line. He reaches out. And you don’t want to touch him and know he’s not real.
You shrink away.
“How did you get in.” You whisper, fixing your gaze on his knees.
“You didn’t lock the door.” Ben grunts. “Which we gotta talk about later, that’s not fucking safe, but first-“
He says your name, reaching once more, and you squeeze your eyes shut.
Strong, warm fingers grab your chin. You make a tiny noise from the back of your throat, and for a split second, the whole world goes still.
You can feel him. He’s tipping your chin up, handling you like a baby bird even as he angles it how he wants, and you can feel him.
“Look at me.” Ben mutters, and you drag your eyes open.
He’d kneeling in front of you, brow furrowed tight. There’s that look again. The one that makes you naked and exposed, your clothing sticking to your skin and every inch of you seen.
Ben sees you. You can see him.
And either you’d fully lost your mind, or he’s… He’s really…
“You’re here.” You breathe. “You’re real.”
Ben’s eyes snap to yours. His frown deepens.
“’Course I’m real, why the hell wouldn’t I be real.”
“You left.”
And something flashes over his features. It’s furious and loud, but not directed at you. His fingers on your chin don’t even flex.
“I didn’t leave.” He grunts, the words pushed through his teeth. “I told you I’d never fucking leave you.”
Your tongue flicks over your lips. You shake your head.
“I saw you on TV.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, those weird fuckin’ attention sluts love a camera-“
“You were there, Ben.” You cut him off with only a whisper. “Not here. I- I thought you were dead.”
The stupid tears are back. And they always blur the whole world, but Ben remains sharp. Of course he does. Bastard.
“I waited.” Your voice breaks. Ben watches you, his jaw clenched tight. “I thought you were dead and I still waited, and you- You were just on TV-“
“Don’t say it like that, it’s- That’s not what this shit is-“
“You left.”
“No, I didn’t-“
“You left me.” You scream, and Ben blinks.
It’s like every bit of pain, every scrape and open wound you’ve been treating with paper band-aides, Ben’s ripped everything wide open. Your tears are falling freely, your voice high and soft as you struggle to breathe, all the grief and anger at him crashing from your mouth in unforgiving waves.
“You left me, you said you’d come back, you said we’d go anywhere and you’d be here and you- You fucking left me here and I- I-“
Your word crack into a body-shaking sob, and you try to slump away from him. To just sink into the floor where he can’t see your weakness, your crying, every fissure in the mask you’re usually so good at keeping together. You don’t want him to see the rawness underneath. The way that you’ve always been ill-matched, because there’s nothing in Ben that even knows how to break, but you’re like an gastropod. Every bit of armor is borrowed and crafted. Under it, you’re nothing for him.
Weak.
“You left me.” You’re still breathing it out. You can’t stop. “You left.”
Ben sighs. And when he gets up and walks away, you’re going to be okay. You’re going to find a way to be okay, even if that means just having this gaping feeling forever.
But Ben doesn’t leave.
He wraps around you, and you wiggle a little, but he doesn’t let go. He pulls you fully into his lap, and you go limp. Your face presses into his chest, tears flowing freely with every shaking, silent sob. Ben rubs your back, holding you steady. And despite yourself, you hold on. You sink in your nails where you never should’ve let go, and you hold on.
His heartbeat hasn’t changed. And everything in your still recognizes it.
Still calls it yours.
“Didn’t run.” He mutters once your breathing has evened, tangling his fingers in your hair. “Butcher turned on me, helped Homelander and that Maeve bitch knock me off the tower. Got put back under. Homelander woke me up. And the first fucking thing I did was start looking for you, but you weren’t where I left you.”
You swallow. You’d moved because you couldn’t stand that apartment without him. You turned every corner and expected him to be there. It was pure torture.
“But I found you.” Ben continues. “I fucking found you. And I’m not going again, doll. We’re leaving, together, and that’s it.”
Ben tugs on your head, and you let him pull you back. He’s not crying—you’d be shocked if he knew how—but there’s a heavy light in his eyes, like a lamp that’s begging to be bright enough to be seen. You reach up to trace his jaw. His eyes close for a second, and he leans into the touch.
Your throat bobs. Your voice is still small.
“Why should I believe you?”
Ben’s eyes shoot open, glinting and sharp. Not dangerous. Never to you.
Just focused.
“Because I’m telling the fucking truth-“
“Swear it?”
Ben nods, and you tilt your head.
“You swore you’d come back.”
“And I am back.” He grabs your wrist, keeping your hand to his face. “No promises got broken, doll. And I’m not fucking leaving without you.”
You laugh, something in you breaking and fusing together all at once. Like glass, burning before it gets to be something beautiful. Something that can let the light in.
“Don’t say that.” You breathe, holding his gaze. “I’ll believe you.”
Ben’s eyes narrow. He leans over you, that attention as unwavering as always, and suddenly there’s nowhere to hide. Not that you ever could. Not from him.
“You think I’m not serious?” He murmurs, low and dangerous.
You don’t flinch. You never have.
“Prove that you are.”
A deep sound rumbles from Ben’s chest. He lets go of his hand, his own flying up to frame your face. Your breath hitches, right as his lips slam against yours.
You’ve kissed Ben many times. He always does it like it’s going to be the last time he ever touches you. He’s demanding in how much you take, but never how much you give. Your mouth falls open in a moan, and he grunts, hauling you up his chest to deepen the kiss. It’s sloppy and wet, your fingers scrambling against his shirt to keep steady, but he doesn’t falter for a single second.
“Be- Ben-“
He grabs a handful of your ass, squeezing as his teeth drag over your swollen lips.
“Ben-“
“That’s right.” He grunts. “Say my name, I know you didn’t forget who fuckin’ owns you.”
God, you should shove him for that. But he knows what it does to you. He smirks, when your thighs clench and a soft whine escapes your lips.
Ben lands a sharp slap on your ass. It makes you keen, collapsing over his chest. You’re pulling at him, kisses uncoordinated and desperate—how did you ever survive without this, you’re not sure—as you try to further a kiss that’s already fusing you together by the mouth.
He doesn’t even come up for air.
“Oh- Fuck, Ben-“
He speaks against your lips, voice rolling in his chest.
“I know, doll. You believe me now, don’t you.”
“Ye- Yes-“
Another slap. This time he lets his hand drag lower, teasing over the crease between your thighs, then the hem of your shorts. Your hips buck into the featherlight touch. Ben grunts, short and tight.
“Dirty girl.” He mutters, starting to wander his kisses over your cheeks. “Say it louder. You fucking believe me.”
“I- Ooooh-“
You press your face into his neck, biting down a moan. The tips of his fingers are tracing your pussy through your shorts. You sink your nails into his shoulders, your breathing ragged as he starts to trace them back and forth.
“You what?” He teases, nipping at your ear. “Heard you start to say something doll, you already that stupid? I’m barely fucking touching you.”
“You- You’re touching enough.” You breathe out, squeezing your eyes shut. “More- Please-“
“More?” Ben snorts. “You’re always getting me on that fucking feelings shit, you don’t get more until you talk.”
You shake your head. “Ben, I- I can’t-“
“Can’t what? Can’t speak? Can’t say Ben, I believe you. ‘Cause trust me doll, when you do I’m going to touch you for real, and you’ll feel real fucking stupid for how you’re acting right now.”
Ben rips clean through your shorts, and thick, warm fingers start to rub the lips of your pussy. He scissors two fingers, pressing them just upside your core, then dragging back and forth. It’s all pressure and not enough friction. It’s going to drive you out of your mind.
“Come on, baby, where’d all that fucking spunk go-“
“You- Benjamin-“
“Uh oh.” He laughs. “I’m in trouble.”
The tips of his fingers graze your clit. You whine, grinding back into the touch, and Ben grabs your pussy with a single hand. He’s covering it completely, pinning you to his chest, and you moan so loud you think it echoes.
“Think you’re going to forgive me?” He mutters in your ear. “Think I’m not dead fuckin’ serious, when I tell you that I’m back. That I want you, all of you, and I’d kill people to have it.”
“I- I don’t want you to kill anyone.” You breathe, dazed and drunken on him.
Ben chuckles, kissing right under your jaw.
“I know you don’t, pretty girl. And I’ll go on the damn leash if you’re yanking me, but I’m not letting you drop me. We go, we go together, you fucking remember that. We get out. You gonna get out with me?”
“Ben-“
“I’ll take care of you.” He mutters. His hand starts to move again, torturously slow. “I’ll be real fucking good to you, swear it. Swear it on you.”
Two fingers slide over your pussy, spreading your arousal on his fingertips. A slow, breathless sigh of escapes your lips, and Ben lets you have this. He teases those fingers over your cunt a few times, then slowly pushes one of them in. You gasp, wrapping your arms around his neck. Just his finger is the biggest stretch of your life.
“I know.” He kisses under your ear, pressing it further in until he’s at the knuckle. “It’s a lot, isn’t it. But you’re doin’ so fucking well. Sweet fucking pussy, all wet and tight for me.”
“Mmmh.”
“Say it’s for me.” He demands, crooking them so they hit a soft little button you’re never able to find yourself.
“Ben-“
“Say it.”
“S’ for you-“ You take in a sharp breath, when he starts to slowly pump them in and out. “All for you, Ben, I- I’m all-“
Your words break into a moan. He’s pressing back against that same spot, rubbing it until you’re squeezing around him before drawing shallowly out and slamming back in. Obscene sounds fill the room, and you didn’t even know you could get this wet.
It’s a grace. Ben’s finger is massive. You can feel every drag of him inside you, and you’re not sure how you’re managing to take it when you keep squeezing around him.
“How- How big is your dick?”
He barks a laugh, pulling your face back with his hand on the back of your neck. He kisses you slowly, matching the pace of his fingers moving inside you.
“You’ll see, baby.” He says. “Just need to be good.”
You pout slightly. “I am being good.”
Ben’s lips twitch. He kisses your forehead, then suddenly speeds his fingers up. Your back arches, hips grinding as you try to chase the feeling, but he holds you firm.
“Ben-“
“Say it.” He grunts, squeezing the back of your neck. “You wanna be so fucking good, say it-“
“I love you!” Your words come sudden and desperate. “I- I love- I love you, please-“
You almost scream, when his fingers stop moving. You grab his wrist, blinking in hopeless confusion. Ben’s jaw is clenched tight, his eyes wide and nostrils flaring.
Then you realize.
Shit.
“Ben, I- I didn’t-“
“You didn’t mean it?” He grunts, and you shake your head frantically.
“I didn’t mean to- I just- I missed you, and you said- And you were-“ You gesture frantically at his hand. His fingers, still buried deep inside you. “And I- You don’t have to-“
Ben moves, and your words turn into a squeal. You’re airborne, being tossed over his shoulder as he stands.
“Fuck- Benjamin, what are you-“
He slaps your ass, then drags two fingers back through your pussy. You close your eyes, biting your lower lip to stifles the moan at the perfect combo of pleasure and pain.
Ben spanks you again, his voice stern as he moves to his feet.
“Don’t fucking do that quiet shit. Let me hear you.”
His finger pushes back into your cunt, finding that spongey spot in a second. This time you let yourself moan fully, and you’re rewarded with a scraping kiss on your ass.
“There you go, baby. That’s what I want.”
You keen at the praise, and you don’t know why you bothered hiding it from him. Ben feels and see the flutter of your pussy and chuckles. Your knees are dragged together, forcing more pressure, making you tighter around his finger when he shoves it back in.
“Be- Ben-“ Your getting light-headed, from the combination of his touch and being upside down. “What- What’re we doing-“
“You’re telling me where the bedroom is.” He grunts, turning in a circle like a magic sign is going to appear. “Then I’m fucking you ‘till you can’t walk.”
“Oh- Okay.”
You grab a fistful of his shirt as he slaps your ass again, moaning when that fucking finger starts to pump once more. There’s a pressure building in your core, and the way he’s holding you is only making it worse. Like you’re just a toy, but still the most important thing in his life. He keeps kissing your thigh and ass while he fingerfucks you. Your exposed to the cold air, the window is open, but the warmth of his hand and body—the warmth of what he’s doing to you—is almost too much to handle.
“Bed, doll.” His reminder is gruff, but soft.
You nod, your tongue all loose and hopeless. “I- I um- It was- That way-“
You press on his shoulder, steering him towards the door and Ben slaps your pussy.
“Good girl.”
The praise and touch shoot through you like a drug. You think you might be about to cum just like this. Over Ben’s shoulder with barely any friction at all.
He kicks the door open, and marches into your room. You’ve never seen him so focused before. He lays you down on the bed with shocking care, before ripping at your clothing like a child on Christmas.
Ben whistles, when you’re fully exposed to him.
“Look at you, baby, can’t believe I was sleeping next to you for months and you wouldn’t let me touch.”
You roll your eyes, crossing your arms over your breasts. “You didn’t earn touching. Only good, domesticated boys get that.”
Ben scowls, pulling off his shirt. “I’m a domesticated fucking man, doll.”
And you giggle. Because he’s so fucking stupid, but he’s here. You’d cry if there wasn’t a helium filled light, blooming through your body.
You still might cry.
Ben’s looking at you like you’ve lost your mind—and like he doesn’t care the slightest, he’s just mostly concerned—and you laugh more because you’re definitely going to cry. You’re going to cry during sex with Soldier Boy, and he’s still going to fuck you anyway.
“You know it’s not nice to start fucking laughing before a man takes his pants off-“
“I love you.”
You say it plainly, because it is. You love Ben. You have for so long, and it had been buried like treasure, but now he’s here. Now it gets to shine, and it’s far too bright to be ignored.
Ben looks shell-shocked. He’s panting like you punched him, but you’re not worried. He’s a big boy. He’ll be okay.
You both will.
“I love you,” you repeat, beaming up at him. “I love you so much, Ben, I-“
You giggle again, as he almost stumbles forward to kiss you. His massive chest envelops you, his kisses pushing you back into the mattress, and you meet him with everything you have.
Ben pulls back. Staring at you the same way he always has.
Like he’s found the last, greatest wonder of the world.
“Say it again.” He mutters.
“I love you.”
You offer it easily. It’s his to have.
And Ben seems to swallow it. His mouth closes, his tongue flicking over his lips, and you know that face.
It means he’s on a fucking mission.
“Here’s how this is going.” He grunts, fixing you with a glare. “You listen. I work. I’m tasting you,” he slaps your pussy again, lips twitching at the full body shutter it gives him. “Then you’re going to cum on my cock until you’re sobbing, and I’m going to keep fucking you until you can’t walk. You got that.”
You swallow and nod. Ben’s eyes narrow.
“You talk to me, sweetheart, I can’t read your fucking mind.”
“Got it.” You breathe, your legs spreading wide.
It’s a shameless offering. Ben slaps your pussy again, and you buck a little of the bed with a whine of delight.
“Hold onto something.” He winks, sliding slowly down your body. “I ain’t going fucking easy.”
You expect no less of him. And you’d be able to make that joke, if he didn’t lick a thick stripe up your pussy and make you shriek.
“Holy fuck-“ Your eyes roll back in your head, your hands clawing at the sheets.
Ben chuckles, the sound vibrating against you, and repeats the motion. Your thighs press together, but he shoves them back open with a single hand, settling fully down.
“No hiding from me.” He mutters, breath warm over your core. “Look at you, doll. Even prettier from down here, didn’t know that was fucking possible.”
You laugh breathlessly. “Kiss ass.”
“Gets me places.” Ben kisses the inside of your thigh, sucking softly.
His beard scrapes and tickles against you, his chin pressing where you need him and his nose bumping your neglected clit.
“Ohhhh.” You close your eyes, slowly running your fingers through his hair. “Oh God, Ben-“
He hums in approval, switching to match the mark on the other side. He’s let go of your thighs to grab everywhere else, rubbing your ass, your hips, your sides. He slides a massive palm over your abdomen, pinning you to be bed. You should know that’s a warning sign, but you’re too lost in the heat of his mouth.
“Ben...” You moan freely, covering his hand with one of yours.
He flips it over, and you thread your fingers together.
Another warning.
“That’s- Fuck-“
He blows on your clit, and shivers run up your spine. You don’t think you can take being teased any longer. Not right now.
“More, Ben, more-“
A dark, promising chuckle rumbles in his chest. You crane your neck to look at him, and realize your mistake too late.
He’d been waiting for you to ask. And now that you have, he’s not holding back.
Ben shoves his face fully between your thighs, lapping and sucking at your clit and soaked pussy like a man starved, and your mouth falls in a long, silent scream.
You’ve been eaten out before, but never like this. Ben’s going at you the same way he kisses you. The same way he does everything. With everything he has, and the mindset that less is a sin. If something is worth doing, he’s not going to slack.
And your pussy is under that full focus. It’s almost too much to handle.
Ben makes out with every sensitive spot, inside and outside. He licks and tongue-fucks, letting you squeeze around him and pushing your ass up to hit a better angle. He noses at your clit while he works on your gaping, leaking hole, then switches.
Soft, slightly chapped lips wrap around your clit, sucking on you with all the power of a fucking sex toy. His tongue flicks back and forth over and over again, building you into a whining, cloudy eyed frenzy. You scratch at his scalp and pull on his hair, but it just makes him moan, and now everything is vibrating.
Everything seems to make him moan. Ben grunt every time you jerk your hips, slamming them back down and squeezing your hand. He moans when you squeeze down on his tongue, when he brings you right up to the edge then stops at the last second, so you slam his shoulders in frustration.
Sometimes he laughs. And that’s even worse. It makes his massive arms—wrapped around your hips—flex, and it goads him into working you impossibly deeper. You turn your face, pressing it into the pillows. Ben squeezes your hand, dragging your clit between his teeth before pulling away for a single second.
“Eyes.” He grunts, and your attention snaps over.
“Be- Ben-“
“Watch me, doll.” He open-mouth kisses you clit, and you whimper. “That’s right, don’t you look away for a fucking second.”
Now that you’re watching, you couldn’t if you tried.
Ben goes back to his self-assigned job, and the sight is more lewd and sinful than any porno in the world. His massive shoulders roll and flex as he moves you how he wants. You can’t see his mouth, but you can see him moving his head with his tongue on your clit. He shakes it, playing the nerve bundle like a bop-it, and you’re right back up the edge again.
And again, Ben stops.
You almost scream, and Ben chuckles. He kisses your poor, throbbing clit all sweet, then goes back to slowly working his tongue against your entrance. You’re wound too tight. You think you might snap from just the wrong breath.
“Be- Ben-“ You pull his hair, trying to get him back up to your clit. “Ben, let me cum- I- I need to cum-“
He just moans again. You’re going to kill him.
“Please, I- I can’t take it-“ You moan, trying to squirm your body further onto his face. “God, Ben, I can’t- I need it so bad, please-“
Sharp, lust-blown eyes snap to yours. You whimper, giving him your best hopeless pout. It’s the one that usually gets him to cave. He laughs and shakes his head and gives you whatever you want, grumbling affectionately about how damn impossible you are.
But this time, he just smirks against your pussy. And you might have him wrapped around your finger, but he’s got you cornered.
Take it. He’d said.
You don’t think you have a choice.
“Look at you,” Ben drawls, kissing your clit. His beard drags. You whimper, eyes locked onto his.
The sounds earns you another kiss, and it makes you squirm. With how his eyes gleam, you’re worried he’ll just keep you like this all night.
“You’re close.” He mocks, rubbing his palm against your pussy. “So close, baby doll. I can fuckin’ see it, you’re about to cry.”
You glare at him, and he just grins.
“You think I’ll give a shit? Think I don’t want to see you break for me?”
He presses his hand down harder. You go to reach for it, but Ben grabs your wrist and pins it firmly next to him on the mattress.
“No touching.” He grunts. “Mine.”
Oh, that makes you clench around nothing. After, you’re going to force him to make dinner and maybe do taxes or drive a car to earn feminism points back, but right now everything is just Ben, lying between your legs, calling you his.
And he’s staring at your pussy, almost transfixed. You moan as his thumb rubs your clit, his hand rising up so he can watch you react. You can feel yourself, gushing and fluttering. Desperate for anything he can give you. You’ll beg more, you’ll take it however he wants, you just need more.
“Christ on a fucking cross.” Ben mutters, pressing his cheek into your thigh. “You know, I’ve seen a lot of pussies, doll.”
You shoot him a look. “Romantic.”
He rolls his eyes, pinching your clit between his fingers.
“Was going to say yours is the best, you fucking brat.”
You smile, cupping his cheek with trembling fingers. You’re seconds from exploding with desire, but you just want to hold him. Feel him, for only a little longer.
Something in Ben’s expression shifts. For the briefest moment, it softens. His shoulders relax, and the slow breath he lets out sounds like a release. He kisses the inside of your palm. His thumb pushing on your clit, dragging it back and forth in a steady, relieving rhythm.
But you’re too sensitive. You’re being worked back up too fast, and tears start to prick.
“Ben.” You breathe, fingers curling against his cheek. “Please.”
He smirks. There’s one last kiss on your clit, then another on your well-bruised thighs. He rises to his knees, slapping your pussy while one hand undoes his belt.
Ben chuckles, at the way you fully tremble from the hit.
“You fucking like that shit, don’t you.”
You shrug, watching his belt slide away. “Maybe.”
“You do. Can see it, you-“ He pushes two fingers back into your cunt, and you moan.
“Ben- Oooooh-“
He tosses aside his belt, spanks your clit, and grins triumphantly.
“Fucking felt that. You started pouring on me like a waterfall, you love it-“
You kick at his thigh, flushing and rolling your eyes. “Shut up.”
“Don’t think I will.” He drawls, going back to his pants. “Think I get to talk as much as I want, baby doll. You’re the one that’s going to be fucked all damn stupid.”
You had a smart, sharp retort.
It dies when Ben pulls down his pants, and you see his cock.
Of course he’s such an arrogant, smug ass. Endowed is too weak a word. He’s blessed. He’s got the most beautiful cock you’ve ever seen—thick and long in all the best ways, like it was handcrafted to give your pussy a heart attack—and with the look on his face, he fucking knows it.
“See something you like,” he grins down at you, stroking himself slowly.
“I… Um…” You lick your lips, crawling slowly up the mattress. “You’re very…”
You trail off again. You’re humping the sheets like an animal, forcing yourself not to just fucking touch yourself, but it’s impossible. He’s too… everything.
Ben laughs, prowling up over you.
“You’re fucking drooling.”
“You’re pretty.”
“I am not fucking pretty.”
“You are.” You roll your eyes, letting Ben drag you onto your back. “You’re so pretty, Ben, it’s bonkers.”
He grunts, settling himself above you. “Pretty is what you call a fucking show pony.”
“You are a show pony.”
That earns you a glower. You beam back in return, giggling at your own jokes.
“When we’re done, you should let me braid your- Oh my God-“
You grab at his shoulder, eyes going wide as Ben slides his cock into you with one, smooth movement. He drives right into your g-spot, dropping his hips so he’s pinning you into it. He grinds down, abs rubbing on your clit, and there it is.
That coil that had been building in you all night. Ben gets inside of you for ten seconds, and you snap.
You writhe and scramble under him, grabbing at his chest and trying to hide from the overwhelming orgasm ripping through your body. Ben grabs your jaw and forces your gaze back to his, still grinding down onto you as it drags on. You whimper, making garbled sounds of his name.
Ben kisses you, as you twitch through the last bits of it. You turn to limp putty, moaning into his mouth and shivering as he settles at being bottomed out.
“That’s what I wanted to see.” He mutters, nipping at your upper lip. “That’s what I fucking dreamed about.”
You whimper, and Ben laughs. He gives you a shallow thrust, and your eyes go wide.
“Don’t think I’m done with you yet, baby.” He teases, ghost his lips over yours. “We got a lot of fucking time to make up for, and you,” he gives another, sharper slam of his hips. “Are too fucking gorgeous to just give one orgasm.”
A strangled sound escapes your lips, and Ben grins.
“I know. But feel that,” he pulls all the way out, then slams back in. “Real good, isn’t it. Fuck, this pussy was made for me. Going to fuck you until my name is written on it, until it can’t even take anyone else.”
His logic is flawed, but you still moan. Hard not to, when you’ve got all the mass and power of him over you, driving in and out of you at a torturously slow pace.
“That’s my girl.” He coos, bumping your nose before going for a hot, sloppy kiss. “That’s a good fuckin’ cock slut for me, aren’t you.”
Your eyes fly open, your pussy clenching down, and Ben laughs. He starts to drill into you, knocking every bit of air from your lungs.
“Yeah, I know how you like it. My dirty baby, get off of me telling you that I own you,” he slams down, and tears burn at your eyes. “That I’m going to fucking wreck you, turn you into my fuck doll, my sweet little fucking whore.”
You moan, the shame only making the heat in your tummy build faster. Ben rises over you, hair pressed to his brow from sweat.
“That’s right. Take it, take this cock and thank me for it.”
He slides his thumb over your lips, pressing down ever so slightly as his cock fucks ruthlessly in and out of your pussy. You mewl, opening your mouth for him to take. Ben laughs, thick and breathless, and pushes his thumb in.
“Fucking- Christ-“ He groans as you start to suck. “You’re so fucking beautiful, and- Tight-“
He groans, fucking impossibly harder. The bed squeaks and shifts. You moan around his thumb, tears flowing down your cheeks.
“Crying for me, baby doll, so fucking desperate you’re going to cry for it- Shit-“
Your second orgasm hits suddenly. You clench down on Ben, making him groan loudly. His chest is tight with restraint, and you scratch at the muscle, whining around his thumb.
It’s so much. Too much. You’re stuffed so full, and you can barely breathe, and it’s perfect but you don’t know what to do with yourself but sob and moan.
“There you go, so tight and warm.” Ben’s babbling. You think he’s lost himself as much as you have. “Fuck, you’re going to be death of me if you keep lookin’ like that, gotta-“
You squeak as Ben pulls his thumb and cock out with wet sounds. There’s no time to protest the loss, though, before you’re being flipped onto your stomach and fucked within and inch of your life.
Ben drags your ass in the air, barely giving you a second to recover before he’s back to railing you into the mattress. You cum even faster this time, between the filthy words and deeper position.
“Greedy pussy can’t get enough, can she.” Ben grunts in your ear, his chest draped over your back. “You love it, fucking love being marked up and fucked like an animal. You fucking slut, bet that pretty mouth needs something to suck on again. Be you’ll look so pretty choking on my dick, to bad you look even fuckin’ better like this.”
You cum again with Ben’s thumb in your mouth, tears on your cheeks, and his body wrapped around yours. Then a third time, when he rises up and plays with your ass, shoving your head into the mattress to watch you cry and try to wiggle back on his cock.
After a while, you lose track of what position your in. You’re over him, then under, then pressed against the headboard and folded in half. You don’t know how he’s held himself off this long. You’re a boneless, oversensitive puddle made of countless orgasms, by the time Ben starts to rut and groan.
Ben finishes inside you, holding you firmly above him as his hips jerk up. You watch him come apart under dazed, tear-stained lashes. It’s the most beautiful sight in the world. He’s pumping into you, hot and jerking, dripping out of your pussy as just more and more comes. A wet sound fills the air, and you can see his own release stained over his abdomen as he just keeps going.
You think you pass out, after. You must, because when you come too, you’re lying on clean sheets and wearing Ben’s shirt. You stare at the ceiling for a while, still partially lost to the world.
You come back to earth, when Ben says your name. He’s coming out of the shower, bare-chested and glorious.
He gives you that small smile, and you return it without a thought.
“Feeling alright?” He mutters, climbing into bed at your side.
No pants. Unhelpful.
“Um-“ You stare at his cock, swinging between his thighs. Your mouth is watering. “You…”
“Jesus, woman.” He snorts. “I’m not trying to fucking break you, stop slobbering.”
“I am not slobbering-“
“Yeah, you fucking are.”
You stick your tongue out and try to roll away, but Ben’s right. He worked you. One movement comes with a whine, and suddenly you’re being pinned below Ben’s bare body.
“Rest.” He scolds, and you roll your eyes.
“You’re not my boss-“
“Yeah, but I love you, and I’m going to be real damn pissed if you hurt yourself.” He taps your jaw. “Rest.”
You blink at him.
And again, Ben just finds a way to make you feel more full.
“You love me?” You whisper.
He blinks. You don’t think he knows he said it.
“Of course I do-“
“Say it.”
He scowls. “You heard it, means I said it-“
“Say it again.” You give him that look. The pouty one.
This time, it’s going to work.
“Please?” You add.
Ben sighs, shaking his head, and glares at you like you’re the bane of his existence.
You might be. But he likes it, and he’s the one who’s going to be keeping you at the center of his universe.
“I love you.” He grunts.
You beam, and Ben kisses you with a labored sigh. It’s slow. Romantic.
Meant to remind you that you have time.
“Good boy.” You whisper, and he groans.
“You’re real lucky-“
“Yeah.” You cut him off, and he lets you.
He always lets you. Because he loves you.
“I am.”
✦End note: i dont care what he does in the show this is my emotional support old horny man✦
✦If you like this story, please reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3✦
you were assigned to be his 'assistant’. when you were assigned they told you all you would have to do is fetch him food and drink and make sure he has everything he needs. baby sit him basically. you thought it would be easy, a man from the 40s, surely he might be more polite than homelander was to you.
it started fine, you didnt see him much. he would tell someone he wants a coffee or cigars and you would fetch it and put it by his bed. he was always sleeping so he never saw you coming in and out. but then once he got used to what? being awake? he starting asking for more. talking to you more.
every time you walked into his room his eyes would rake over you. head to toe. a smirk would form on his face. 'hello beautiful.' he would say. 'hello sir, im just checking if you need anything?' you couldnt deny how hot he was, hot hot it got you hearing him call you beautiful or baby and so on. his list of pet names were endless. 'mhm i could name a few things.' he answered as his eyes once again roamed your body as you stood in front of him, eyes down to the ground. 'so nothing? ok' you said, then turned around and left with a secret smile growing on your face.
the next few weeks you grew more comfortable. or maybe that was just your crush on the man growing. 'you into older men sweetie?' he would ask as you walked in with a fresh cup of coffee. you would banter back, 'how did you know?' 'you've got that look' and when a confused expression grew on your face he would add 'its a compliment doll, take it.' that one would really stick in your mind. 'doll' god you loved it when he called you that.
then one day everything changed. you were sleep deprived, wearing a shirt too small and shoes a size too big. you felt like you were working the day from hell. so when you walked into soldier boys room to find the one and only thrusting his dick into his hand, groaning loudly, your mind short circuited.
he stopped immediately, hand still holding his dick. and jesus christ he was big. 'jesus doll, scared the fuck outta me.' his voice gravelly. 'sorry.' you didnt have the energy to do this, you couldnt think, all you could do was just stand there. 'i dont mind, are you..you look like shit.' he said, eyes tracking you as you slumped down into the chair facing his bed. 'sorry im tired.' he chuckled, 'yeah you look it.' he had put his dick away by now, thank god.
‘if it means anything, id still fuck you.’ your head snapped up to look at the man sat on the corner of his bed, looking at you. ‘yeah?’ ‘yeah.’ right now you wouldn’t mind that. you stayed slumped in the chair. ‘i wouldnt mind that right now.’ oh shit.
and thats how you ended up getting fucked in any and every way possible by soldier boy. the soldier boy. it started slow, him eating you out. he was good, too fucking good. and you could tell he enjoyed it too. by the way he groaned and the steady, perfect rhythm of his tongue. then it got quicker, more intense. he told you how beautiful you looked when you were riding him and how beautiful you looked under him too.
this became a very, very, very regular thing after that day.
Summary: you get hurt, and all you want is for Takeshi to comfort you
Warnings: explicit sexual content, minors dni, unprotected sex, p in v, fingering, multiple orgasms, hair pulling, choking, praising, bit of soft!dom!Tak, creampie, explicit language, mentions of murder, blood, typical violence for this show
WC: 4.5k
A/N: please I know, lia you wrote something??? Ik, fucking wild. Its been like 6months lmao. But I was rewatching altered carbon and man I really missed tak. I might slowly dive back into my joel era but for now this is this. I dedicate this to @a-reader-and-a-writer. If this flops oh well, at least I was happy writing it.
You often regretted your life choices. Stupid decisions you made as a teenager that ultimately led you into a world of violence and death. It seemed never ending. Because no matter how many times you tried to go straight, use your skills and intelligence for something good, your reputation always preceded you, and you would end up in the same place; with a gun in your hand, covered in blood, and with another body to add to your conscience. Though, ninety percent of the time it wasn't your fault. Just like this time it was not your fault. Trouble just seemed to find you. Or you liked to find trouble, or maybe both.
“Ah Miss, what a pleasant surprise.” The AI that was this lovely hotel greeted you. “Oh. It appears that you are injured. Do you require medical assistance?”
You looked down at your blood stained clothes and hands, you felt the slightest throb on your shoulder from where a bullet had grazed you, and the stinging burn on your side from where a switchblade slashed at your skin. But to be completely honest you had grown numb to it. You simply shrugged.
“Nope. Just need a shower and some tequila.” You waved him off and you walked straight to the elevator, but before you entered, you turned around in your tracks to narrow your eyes at Poe. “Where is Takeshi?”
“Ah, Mr. Kovacs is not here at the moment. He left some hours ago to attend to some private matters he didn't disclose with me.” He answered plainly and you nodded.
“Shocker. Well if he comes, don't tell him I'm here? Cool? Great.” You were about to go up to the room you used whenever you and Takeshi were fighting, when Poe spoke again.
“Why is that? Wouldn't he like to know you are injured?”
“Oh fuck, no. Don't even tell him you saw me like this.”
Takeshi would go absolutely mad if someone spoke to you the wrong way. You still remember one time you joined him on one of his interrogations, for one reason or another. The man wouldn't keep his eyes off you, though you paid it no mind, you were used to men being nothing short of disgusting, or them calling you every sexual name in the book. But Takeshi? Man, pissed was nothing to describe the level of anger going through him. He didn't stop until the man was nothing but red. You, of course, while amused by his protectiveness of you, got him to stop.
“Tak, sweetheart, you need him conscious and breathing, don't you think?”
“He won't be doing much of either anymore.”
Takeshi was cute when he was angry, more so when he was overprotective of you. But even then, there were some lines you never wanted to cross. And if he ever saw you like this, the thought of someone hurting you like this would drive him mad. No stack would be left unharmed by him if he had any say in the matter.
So for the sake of the men you did leave alive, it would be best if Tak didn't see you like this.
“Well, why not?” Poe pushed, clearly he didn't understand the level of insanity Takeshi was capable of reaching.
“Because, if Tak sees me like this, he is not going to be very happy. He is going to actually cut somebody's head off—Again. Actually no, scratch that, he is going to decapitate and destack a lot of somebody's,” You said as slowly and as clearly as you possibly could, pausing to stare at the hologram as if to make a point. “So do not tell Takeshi I'm here, or that you saw me like this.”
So much for wanting to stay out of trouble for once.
~~~~~~
Man what a fucking shitshow. Truly, he didn't understand when the world had gotten so damn complicated. He didn't like to leave messes, he really didn't, but sometimes people would just force his hand, he had to get answers one way or another.
He should call you. Yes. He should do that. If there was one thing in this fucked up reality of his that he knew would never go wrong, it was seeing you.
“Mr. Kovacs,” Poe appeared at the bar, getting Takeshi's attention, but he didn't even bother to look. “I was not expecting to see you tonight. Were you able to attend to your matters?”
“Yeah.” Was all he responded to as he walked towards the elevator. His eyes were glued to the ground as a cigarette hung from his lips, he was tired and annoyed, frustrated and even more tired, but something caught his attention as he thought about his own self misery.
Blood.
“Why is there blood here?” He asked Poe with a slight shift from apathy to alarm as he traced the trails of blood droplets back the way he came.
“Oh… Yes.. That… Well you see.”
“Was someone here?” He asked with sharpness in his naturally baritone voice, looking around for anything out of place or broken, but everything looked normal.
“No. Well… Yes.. But..”
Takeshi’s head snapped to look at the AI, eyes narrowed as he stared intensely, waiting for an answer.
Oh. It better not be.
~~~~~~
Just get in the shower. You can do that, can't you?
Apparently you struggled more than you should have with that. It wasn't like you had a bullet in you, but then again, you also had gotten thrown through a table, and punched repeatedly, and stabbed, and shot—kind of. But man was the pain starting to infect every muscle, every joint, every crevice of your body. You weren't exactly sure how you got out of the shower. But you managed to wash the dried blood off you. Though you were still left with two open wounds that were most likely going to have to be cauterized.
You weren't going to enjoy this very much.
You were hoping to just throw yourself on the bed and get it over with before Takeshi decided to spontaneously show up. By then your wounds would have been closed, what were two new scars? It's not like Takeshi would notice two more among so many. Or maybe he would notice, but by then it would have been enough time for him to be angry about it but not actually do anything about it.
Pushing through the now throbbing pain shooting through your shoulder every time you moved your arm, you managed to get yourself into your underwear, but that was as far as that went.
You had made it halfway from the bathroom to your bed when you heard your name being called, rather loudly, by a voice you were all too familiar with.
Well fuck.
Takeshi followed the blood. There were drops on the elevator floor, stains on the buttons of the elevator. When the door opened, he followed the drops as his heart began to race. It wasn't a lot of blood, you weren't bleeding out, that was for sure, but his mind wouldn't stop racing. He called your name as he walked further into your room.
His jaw tightened at the sight of you, slightly hunched over, holding your side as you limped across the room. And the look you gave him was one of deer in headlights.
“Takeshi…” Your voice was hesitant, soft, wary as you leaned on one of the couches to support yourself.
He was in front of you in three, maybe four, long, heavy strides. His eyes were frantic, darting all over as he looked over your face. Your eye looked like it was going to bruise, your lip split and your jaw looked angry with a forming bruise.
“Who..” His words were barely audible, just barely above a rasp as he gripped your non bruised jaw tightly, forcing you to look at him.
“Tak…”
“Who the fuck did this to you?”
You should not be getting wet at the sound of his angry words, but the rasp laced in his tongue had you clenching your thighs together. Takeshi was hot when he was angry.
“It's fine, Tak. I'm fine, really.” You looked up to find his frantic eyes filled with fiery emotions, his jaw clenching and unclenching with each uneven breath he took. “You should see the other guy.”
Normally Takeshi found your dry humor amusing. But he couldn't get himself to even let out a chuckle, instead he huffed as he looked over your face.
“I want a name. Right now.” His words were barely audible, between huffs and puffs as he begrudgingly helped you sit down on the loveseat. You couldn't help but roll your eyes.
“Can't. Kinda shot him in the stack.” You answered flatly, huffing out a small breath as you threw your head back over the armrest. Takeshi narrowed his eyes at you, noting each bruise and mark on your torso, including the angry looking cut on your side.
“This wasn't just one person,” it wasn't a question, it was a fact, he knew that. He stared blankly at you as he waited for your response. The sigh you let out was confirmation enough. “What happened? And I want an answer without the attitude.”
You winced, a hiss of discomfort leaving your mouth as he ran the laser over the large gash on your side. You closed your eyes, counting to five in your head before you answered.
“I thought I was going in for a job. Something about needing access to some encrypted files,” You recalled what you had so innocently assumed to be just a simple hacking job, in and out with a decent pay, oh how mistaken you were. “The dude that had contacted me suddenly starts getting all up in my face, and asks me some weird questions about you. And when I told him to fuck off, his friends came out.”
You shot him a glare when he silently moved to your shoulder, but that one was less deep so it didn't hurt as much, it definitely didn't hurt as much as when the bullet actually touched your skin though.
“Why didn't you call me?” His eyes were sharp on you as he waited for your answer. Was he seriously angry at you?
“Oh right, and what was I supposed to say, ‘oh, hey sweetie, could you please come shoot some people I was doing illegal business with in the stack with me, pretty please?’” You raised your voice to a higher pitch, doing this valley girl accent which only made him inhale deeply.
“Do you ever answer anything without the bullshit?” He muttered with exasperation as he angrily lit up a cigarette and took a drag out of it.
“I handled it, Takeshi. Let it go.” You ultimately sighed, reaching over to brush your bruised knuckles over the side of his face.
His eyes found your face, he saw the forming bruises, and he remembered the blood. Somebody did this to you. Somebody hurt you and he wasn't there to stop it. You could have died. He could feel the anger settle in the pit of his stomach and he began to feel the urge to rip somebody's stack out with his bare hands. His fists clenched at his sides.
“Like hell.” He stood up so fast it gave you whiplash. You didn't want him to go. You needed him.
“Don't go,” You stood up so fast your side was definitely screaming at you but you didn't care. He wasn't looking at you, his eyes looked way past your head at the nearest wall. But you grabbed his face, forcing him to meet your eyes. “I need you.. Please? For once just stay with me.”
Please.
You didn't beg often. But when you did, there was not a thing in this world he could ever deny you. He found your eyes, big mistake. The second he saw those pleading eyes he was done for. He hated the ways in which you could so easily tug at the strings of his cold heart. For the longest time he thought he didn't have a heart, until he saw you for the first time and that thing started beating.
His mouth was on yours, he kissed you long and hard. He grabbed your face as he slipped his tongue inside your mouth. He held you, pulling your body against his. Your fist bunched around his shirt, gripping it like vice as he kissed you with fervor, like this was the last thing he ever wanted to do in this world.
“You wanna take care of me? Hm?” You spoke softly against his lips, your fingers now threading through his long golden strands.
The grunt that rumbled in his throat was almost animalistic. He wanted you on that bed and he never wanted you to leave it.
“You're in pain..” He muttered through deep breaths as his long fingers gripped your jaw, forcing your head back as he brushed his nose against yours, holding on to the little stability he had left. “Don't wanna hurt you.”
“I like it when you hurt me. I want it.” Your words were soft and desperate, quiet as you brushed your lips over his. Pain was the last thing on your mind when you had him this close, when you felt his touch, when you knew he was hanging in by a thread. You needed this more than you needed air in your lungs.
“You want it?” He repeated, voice as low as it could go, eyes closed as he waited for that confirmation, for your permission, to absolutely ruin you.
“Yes. Please Takeshi, I need it.”
There wasn't anything better than Takeshi's cock in your guts after a brush with death.
His large calloused hands found the back of your bare thighs, he so easily hoisted you up around his waist as his lips crashed against yours without another word being said. He was a man of little words afterall. He was a man of action. And he was goddamn sure he would give you exactly what you needed.
Your back landed on the soft duvets, but his lips never parted from yours. Your frantic hands shoved his coat off his shoulders, then the buttons of his shirt as he fumbled with his pants. It took some time, between desperate grabs and frantic hands, he was just as naked as you, only your underwear left between the two of you.
His lips found your neck, wet kisses all over the skin as his hands roamed your body. He pulled back enough for his eyes to look you over. He would never get tired of looking at you.
“You're so…” He didn't have to say it, the look in those hazel eyes of his said every word he wasn't capable of saying out loud.
You gave him a smile, your eyes big with both longing and endearment. He kissed you one more time before he tugged your panties down. He settled just beside you, thick thighs caging one of yours as his long fingers brushed over your clit, leaving you to gasp against his mouth. His lips curved up slightly as his fingers moved in slow, long circles. He could feel you get wetter and wetter the longer he kept up his torture. He liked to hear you whine and beg for it.
“Tak..” His name fell from your lips when you no longer could keep your mouth closed, you were gripping at his shoulder as you helplessly grinded against his fingers, desperate for more.
“Mhm?” His lips were on your ear, his warm breath ghosting over the side of your face with each sharp inhale he took. “Need me to fuck you with my fingers, then with my cock? Is that it?”
You were nodding so hard, gasping softly when he circled his fingers around your wet hole, teasing you.
“Mhm!—Please—” You didn't even get the chance to finish your sentence when two long fingers buried themselves deep into your cunt.
Your lips fell open as your eyes unconsciously rolled back into your head, the delicious feeling of his thick fingers filling you. It wasn't long before Takeshi was all but fucking you with his fingers, and you were nothing but sobs of pleasure. He buried his fingers to the knuckle, brushing your most sensitive spot with each snap of your wrist.
Fuck did you look pretty like this. But you looked prettier when you were drunk on his cock.
His free hand gripped your hair, keeping your head in place so he could watch the way your face would contort with pleasure. The lewd sound of your wet cunt being filled by his fingers wasn't lost on him either. He loved it. He was addicted to it.
“That's it, let it go, sweetheart.” He grunted through his teeth when he realized you were so close, the way your hips were so desperately following the movements of his hand and the grip you had on his wrist was all but telling. He gave you a long satisfied hum when he felt your release coat his hand with a sob of his name.
His fingers only left you when you were digging your nails into his wrist. His lips curled up in amusement at your desperate attempts but he ultimately complied. His lips were on your forehead as he eased you back into steady breathing.
“You okay?” He was quiet, but you heard it. You simply nodded in response, still not fully able to find your voice. Good enough. “Good, ‘cause I'm gonna give you exactly what you deserve now.”
He grabbed your arms and flipped you on your stomach with ease. You were taken aback, instinctively pushing yourself up on your forearms, but a hand on your back forced you back down.
“Easy. Just relax, sweetheart,” he shushed you softly, you felt him move around for a second until you felt him behind you, right in between your open thighs. “Lemme take care of you, hm?”
Your response was in the form of a soft hum, you lied flat on your stomach, your head to the side so you could breathe and your ass up enough for him to do as he pleased. And you waited, rather impatiently. You could feel Takeshi's hands on your hips, then up your back, until one of them settled on your shoulder blades.
You were about to open your mouth when you felt the head of his cock brush over your wet clit. The only sound leaving your throat was that of a choked out moan.
“You want it?” His lips were on your ear, voice smooth, but with this baritone rasp, a combination that drove you insane. You were nodding into the blankets.
“Yes, Takeshi. Please.”
Fuck, he was rolling his eyes at the sound of his name leaving your lips like that. He didn't need to say anything else. He pushed himself into you with a long, hard thrust that had you gasping.
“Ahh….” You squeezed your eyes shut, hands squeezing the sheets in front of you at the feeling of his cock stretching your walls. You have been with Takeshi for some time now, but you never truly got used to the size of him (with this sleeve at least). “Fuck— you're so..”
He eased a hand up and down your back, shushing you softly, he was used to it by now. When he felt you start to back into his cock he knew you were fine. He dug his fingers into your shoulder, holding you down on the mattress as he snapped his hips. A gasped cry left your lips. Again, and again with each brush of his cock, until he had you sobbing into the mattress.
Takeshi, he fucked hard, and he liked it rough, but he had learned to take his time, he learned to take it slow, drag out the feeling for as long as possible, until you were nothing but a sobbing mess. His hand was wrapped around your hair, pushing your head down as he leaned over you. His chest was flush against your back as he rutted his hips against your ass, his lips on the back of your neck, leaving open mouthed kisses everywhere he could.
Takeshi wasn't very talkative, ever, but goddamn was he noisy. His heavy pants, ragged grunts, the occasional fuck, were all in your ear which each delicious drag of his cock.
“Goddamn,” he breathed out, nipping at your jaw as he pulled your head up enough to look at your fucked out face, “you feel so fucking good.”
“Mhmmm. Shit, Tak. Feels so—” You couldn't even finish a cohesive sentence you were so cock drunk, so high on the feeling of his cock brushing that one spot that had you rolling your eyes. You reached behind you, trying to grab him, any of him.
“Feels good, doesn't it baby?” You could hear the slight smirk on his lips as he wrapped his arm over your neck from shoulder to shoulder, almost as if he was putting you in a headlock.
“Yes! Fuck yes—”
“Of course it does.”
That was enough of taking it slow for one night.
Takeshi held you in place with his arm over your neck as he drilled into you. The only sounds leaving your mouth were sobs and choked out pants. You couldn't say any words at that point. He was fucking you so hard into that mattress you didn't even realize when the burn in your stomach started to build. All you knew it was that you were digging your nails into his arms so hard the marks would be there for days. It felt good to be caged under his body, with nowhere to go. Not that you wanted to be anywhere else.
“C'mon, let me take care of you. I'm right here.” He rasped out, hanging on by a thread himself. God, it felt so fucking good. You were barely hanging on. But the second his thumb found your swollen clit you were done for. You couldn't even make a sound, you fell into a silent cry, eyes rolled into the back of your head as your release washed over you. “That's it. I got you.”
He could feel your release coat his cock, and the feeling of you coming all over him only made him go over the edge himself. He gave you two, maybe three more long, hard drags of his cock before he was spilling himself inside you with a breathy fuck leaving his lips in the process.
You all but collapsed, your head falling on the pillows as you panted, Takeshi did the same. He dropped his face on your neck, eyes closed as he steadied his breath. He stayed there for some time, he couldn't hold himself up forever, but fuck this felt so nice. You underneath him, wrapped under his arms, nobody could hurt you here. His lips eventually found the side of your head for a chaste kiss before he moved to lay beside you. But the distance between you lasted a whole five seconds because he was pulling you to him. He positioned you to face him, one leg thrown over his torso as both of his arms caged you in. He would keep you here if he could.
Silence ultimately drowned out your soft breaths, but not once did he stop looking at you. And you could tell something eating at him, weighing on his chest. You brought a hand to his face and you saw him close his eyes with a sigh.
“I'm sorry I wasn't there.” He finally said, riddled with guilt and anger all over again. You frowned softly and shook your head at him.
“Stop that, okay? It wasn't your fault.” You answered, smoothing out the soft frown above his eyebrows. He looked at you, watching as you brushed the loose strands of hair out of his eyes but he said nothing. “I'm a big girl, Takeshi. What I do or what messes I get myself into are not your fault. So stop. If I was mad at you I wouldn't let you rearrange my guts, would I?”
Takeshi didn't laugh often. Or ever really. But sometimes your absurdity brought on a genuine chuckle out of him.
“Aw, so he has a sense of humor. He's not a robot!” You snorted, raising your voice like you were announcing it to the entire city. He rolled his eyes at you.
“I don't fuck like a robot, do I?” There was a tiny shit eating grin on his face which made you shove his shoulder playfully.
“Oh my God, shut the fuck up.” You kissed him with a soft laugh.
~~~~~~~
Goddammit Takeshi Kovacs.
This man just simply couldn't wake up and stay in bed with you for one day. Just one fucking time, you asked.
You groaned tiredly as you stretched out your sore muscles before sitting up. No tall angry looking envoy anywhere. How tragic. You were about to get out of bed when the door swung open. You were about to reach for your gun on the nightstand when you saw it was just Takeshi, and he looked rather amused.
“You're awake.” He raised his eyebrows at you in surprise, expecting you to be passed out after the night you had, partly his doing. You looked at him with suspicion as he walked to the bed. “I have something for you.”
“Is it a decapitated head?” You blinked at him, feigning innocence and he chuckled.
“No. Well I didn't bring it here anyway.” He shrugged as he handed you a red and blue switchblade. It looked kind of cool. You stared at it for a good few seconds before you looked up at him with confusion.
“What's this?”
“The owner of this.” He pointed at the brand new scar on your side. Your eyes widened with realization and your mouth fell open.
“Takeshi—”
“I don't want to hear you.” He cut you off before you could even yell at him for not letting it go. You frowned at him deeply. He sighed as he sat beside you. “They had it coming. They touched you. It's that simple.”
You stared at him, and you wanted to force yourself to be angry at him, angry at him for not letting it go, angry at him for treating you like some damsel in distress who needed him to save her. But when you looked into his eyes you didn't see the hero's complex. Not at all. You saw a man who was looking at the only thing that mattered to him in this world. And he'd be damned if he ever let anyone take that away from him again.
“Awe, baby, so you aren't so heartless after all.” Your smile was mocking on the outside, but deep down it was one of endearment.
“Fuck you.”
You loved him. And even someone as heartless as him was capable of love, too.
Series Summary: Unable to control your abilities, you’re stuck in the present with Billy Butcher, his team, and America’s first asshole. At this point, you’ve become Soldier Boy’s personal punching bag. But when an accident leaves you stranded in 1942, you run into a familiar face and suddenly rely on your future tormentor’s help as your only hope.
Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x supe!Reader
Warnings: 18+ due to language and mature themes, reader is a supe with chronokinesis (time manipulation), a lot of time travel talk, set partially in 1942 and the present (alternate S3 ending), PTSD, Soldier Boy before Soldier Boy (aka no powers yet, plus meet his childhood home and parents), slight Beauty/Beast vibes, enemies to lovers, slow burn, smut, fluff, humor, angst
A/N: Been wanting to write about time travel again since this fun one-shot. Got the idea while writing Bad Reputation years ago but never got to it. Felt challenged again after rewatching the Community episode where Dean Pelton whines, "Time travel is really hard to write about." Welp, challenge accepted 😂🤍
Main Masterlist || Soldier Boy Masterlist || Tag List
Chapter 1: Of All the Gin Joints…
Chapter 2: Is This the 40s?
Chapter 3: I’m Going To Be a Lady If It Kills Me
Chapter 4: After All, Tomorrow Is Another Day
Chapter 5: We'll Always Have Paris
Chapter 6: I Don't Mind a Reasonable Amount of Trouble
Chapter 7: Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!
Chapter 8: Frankly, My Dear, I Don't Give a Damn
Chapter 9: As Time Goes By
Chapter 10: Here's Looking at You, Kid
Chapter 11: When You’re Slapped, You’ll Take It and Like It
Chapter 12: You’re Not Just a Man, You’re a Monument!
Chapter 13: It's Alive! It's Alive!
Chapter 14: I'm Going to Have a Lot of Drinks
Chapter 15: I May Be a Thief, but I Am Not a Cheat
Chapter 16: I Don’t Care What the Papers Say!
Chapter 17: The Stuff That Dreams Are Made of
Chapter 18: Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry
Chapter 19: You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat
Chapter 20: What We’ve Got Here Is Failure to Communicate
Chapter 21: Round Up the Usual Suspects
Chapter 22: There’s No Place Like Home
Chapter 23: The World Is Not a Pleasant Place to Be…
Chapter 24 – …Without Someone to Love
Epilogue: Until It Ends, There Is No End
|| SERIES COMPLETE ||
One-Shots & Drabbles:
A Study in Emerald (1942)
Headcanons, Imagines & Other:
💌 15 Questions about creating TAT
💌 Headcanon: Would Ben sacrifice himself for you in a worst case scenario?
For all of you hungry for Soldier Boy fics, Time After Time is, hands down, one of my favorites from my lovely and ridiculously talented friend, Wayne! 💛🕰️
An expertly woven Back to the Future romance where you won't know which version of Ben to root for more, and the reader character is a true force to be reckoned with. 💫
The '40s setting part of the story is so swoony and full of charm, but not without its angst and complexities for reader and Ben - you'll especially get to explore his daddy issues firsthand. 😬
The journey back to the "present" (and beyond) might rip your heart out - but you'll say "thank you" by the time you get to the end of this masterpiece. Check it out if you haven't yet already! 💛
This made me tear up so much (and then squeal and kick my feet)!! Thank you so much for your wonderful words, Alex! 🥹💜💜💜 I honestly want to frame this whole thing and proudly hang it on my wall. If TAT were a paperback, it'd be one of those reviews on the back 🫶😭
summary: in your younger years, you were soldier boy's biggest fan. now, your life is dedicated to stopping supes. somehow that's brought your paths to cross. people always say don't meet your heroes, but in your case, maybe that's not so bad...
cw: nsfw (18+), smut, p in v, dry humping, a single use of daddy, age gap (reader in early to mid 20s), power imbalance (reader was a fan of soldier boy and had a hugeeee crush on him in the past)
wc: 6.9k
a/n: based on a request i will post in a second. i hope you guys like this one, i've been working on it for an embarrassing amount of time lol. so sorry to the original anon if you see this bb. but yeah, comments and reblogs are always appreciated <33
'Two minutes away. Butcher says have the door unlocked.'
Your phone buzzes with that message from Hughie. Without second guessing the order, you walk across the motel room and unlock the door. You'd been charged with getting this rendezvous prepared for their arrival.
Despite your assigned task centering around getting this place, you don't really know what it's for. Neither Butcher nor Hughie felt it important enough to clue you in as to why you were meeting in a secluded motel rather than one of the usual spots. You assumed it had something to do with their trip to Russia. Maybe they'd found the super weapon they'd been searching for.
You head back to what you were doing before Hughie’s interruption, unloading the takeout you'd brought onto the table. In the midst of placing the burgers and fries and various condiments in the center, you hear the muffled sound of an engine pull up outside and then fizzle off. Car doors slamming follow accompanied by some voices. If you'd been paying attention, you might have realized an additional person chatted along with your expected two.
But you don't catch that until the door swings open. Before you can look, the deep baritone slices across the space right into your ears.
"So, is she part of your team too?" the man asks.
You freeze. Your heart drops into your stomach. It's almost as if your body has a biological reaction to that low, rumbly way of speaking. You recognize it anywhere. It played over speakers and filled your bedroom most nights of the week when you were younger. The face it belonged to had been plastered across every surface that could hold a poster.
But it can't be his. He's been dead since before you were born. For some odd reason, your mind must have decided today would be a fun day to play tricks on you. To make you think the man of your teenage dreams had been resurrected and brought to you through some sort of star-crossed luck.
You shake your head and swallow down the ridiculous idea before turning to face them. But when you do, he is right there.
Soldier Boy stands between your teammates in all his glory, his brows raised as he assesses you. He sports modern civilian clothes rather than his uniform. It's kind of off-putting to see him in something so current, but the discrepancy doesn't keep your heart from racing. Every other part of him looks just like he used to on your tv screen. His features are still perfectly sculpted. His hair sits on his head soft as ever.
You honestly think you might faint. Your knuckles grip the back of a chair to the point of cramping as you stare at him like he'd risen from the grave right before your very eyes.
"Is she mute or something?" he asks next, still looking unimpressed with you.
Hughie glances between you and him in confusion, not understanding what's stolen your words away. But on the opposite side of Soldier Boy, Butcher eyes you with a small smirk on his face. He shrugs off his coat and hangs it on the wall before walking over to you and patting your shoulder.
"She talks. Must be feeling a bit shy 'round a stranger," he says.
The physical contact seems to snap you out of your little starstruck daze. You straighten up and shrug his hand off.
"I- I'm not shy," you stutter and smooth your clothes out. "I just um... I think I recognize you from like some old movies my mom used to like. Caught me off guard. Sorry."
A shaky breath expels from your lungs, and you hope the cover-up is enough to stave off any further questions. Luckily, that seems to be true as a grin spreads across his face.
"Your mom, huh? She still around by chance?"
You bristle at the sleazy way he asks the question. It's ridiculous to feel jealous over his interest in a lie you made up, but you still feel it prickling at you.
"No," you answer before turning back to the table to empty the rest of the fast food bag.
You shoot a glare at Butcher who's still grinning at you. Of course. This was why he hadn't told you. It wasn't part of his normal failure to consider anyone else's feelings or his typical manipulative ways. He did this to fuck with you.
He was the only one who knew about your soft spot for Soldier Boy. Though, soft spot was an understatement. Attachment might have been more appropriate. Undying love and devotion also good possibilities.
You adored the guy. Part of your lie had been true, you'd gotten it from your mother. She introduced you to his movies and showed you all the tv appearances she'd taped. You inherited her small collection of posters and t-shirts, and styled your room to reflect your Soldier Boy centered world. Eventually, your obsession superseded the one she experienced in her younger years. That was probably because her love for Soldier Boy fizzled out not too long later when she met your father. Yours stayed strong as you kept to yourself and focused on getting through school.
You'd confessed all of this to your team leader one night after too many drinks. Years had passed between now and the height of your obsession, so your drunken-self figured it was fine. The information came out hiccuped amongst a flood of giggling. You had found it so funny, that you had been so hot for a supe when now, your entire life revolved around taking them down.
Honestly you thought, or at least hoped, that Butcher hadn't cared enough to remember it. But clearly you were wrong.
The four of you sit down to eat the food you bought. You're across from Hughie while Butcher takes the seat opposite Soldier Boy. He obviously finds it amusing to dangle the other man in front of you, taunting you with what he knows you want but will never admit to.
You try your hardest not to stare, but it's a challenge. You're not eating much. Your appetite pretty much vanished with the shock of his arrival. Instead you rest your cheek on the heel of your palm, attempting to keep your eyes on the table and not his face.
The whole thing is just too weird. It's like you've been transported to the fantasy world you used to imagine to fall asleep. In there, Soldier Boy, or Ben as you called him in your dreams, went everywhere with you. He took you to the mall, accompanied you to the family gathering you didn't wanna go to, sat beside you on the bench at the park while you listened to music alone. Imaginary Ben stroked your hair when you failed a test, told you he loved you when you cried, and rubbed your stomach when you had cramps.
He was always there for you in those years, filling the void everyone else's lack of attention left.
That was until he started to fade away. He popped up less and less as you adapted to life and found other people to fill your time. And then one day he just wasn't there anymore. You strolled through the mall with your friends. You went to see your family without anyone on your arm. You sat on the bench alone.
You outgrew the posters and the t-shirts. It all went into a storage bin tucked away in your closet. He went with it. Not thrown away, but no longer a part of your days. Looking back, it feels like you had two different lives — the one when you loved Soldier boy and the other where you remembered him.
But he's actually here now, sitting a foot away from you. Only everyone else can see this version of him, and he writes his own dialogue. Somehow you're just supposed to pretend like it's normal for you.
The guys chatter amongst themselves, but you barely hear it. You consider asking Butcher if you can leave. You'd do damn near anything else to get out of this situation. Your younger self would probably slap you across the face, absolutely maim you for fumbling your chance with him, but you just can't take it. It's like he's radiating humiliation and shame that projects only onto you.
Before you can speak up though, Butcher and Hughie rise from the table. You look up at them, desperation glimmering over your irises.
"Sorry, love. You're on soldier-sittin' duty for the next few hours," Butcher tells you as he goes to grab his coat.
"It's just until we get back," Hughie adds, sensing your discomfort with the situation.
Pouting and rising from your chair, you follow after them. You ignore Hughie and stare right at Butcher putting on his trench coat. "Can I come with you instead? Please?" you ask.
"Why? Thought you would be excited to get some one-on-one time with your-" he starts but you cut him off.
"It's too weird," you whisper. "Plus, he’s not gonna listen to me anyways. Can I please come with you?"
"'Fraid not," he tuts. "This one's for me and Hughie. You'll be fine for a couple hours."
"Butcher," you say, on the verge of begging.
But he holds no sympathy for you. Hughie gives you a kinder look. "Just put on the tv. He seemed pretty interested in filling in his gaps about the world on the drive here."
You weakly nod, watching them gather their remaining things before departing. Their absence leaves you and him alone in the room. It's quiet except for the crinkling of his wrapper and the thundering beat of your heart.
Turning back towards him, you force yourself to return to the room and clean up the other trash Butcher and Hughie had left behind. You gather the greasy papers while trying to keep your hands steady. They're shaking pretty bad, but moving them disguises it. At least you hope so. You don't want him seeing how nervous you are. It's stupid and pointless, but a small piece of you still wants to look cool and collected in front of him.
When you finish, you head over to the small couch that sits against the wall. You can feel his eyes on you. One thing you realize now that your juvenile fantasies failed to account for was that you really had no clue what to talk about with him. What was there to say to someone born nearly a hundred years ago? What could you bring up when he'd missed the last forty years of life? You decide to fill the silence with what Hughie had suggested.
"Do you wanna watch tv?" you ask.
"Not really, but what else is there to do in this shit hole," he says and shrugs.
You nod, reaching for the remote and flicking the screen to life. The first station is on a commercial break. You switch it to the next which is playing a basketball game. Finally, you get to the numbers playing movies and scroll through to find a good one.
While you occupy yourself with the television, he stands from his chair and heads in your direction. He plops down on the couch next to you, spreading his thighs and draping his arm across the back of the sofa. You keep your eyes locked on the screen ahead. There’s no way you’re gonna look over at his open lap. If you do that, you won’t be able to fight off the heat that keeps trying to rise into your cheeks.
You can still feel him looking at you though. The constant weight of his curiosity makes it hard not to shift around in your seat. Your thumb keeps tapping through the channels until you come across one showing something you recognize. It takes you a few seconds to place it, but as soon as you do, you go to skip it.
Before you can, he straightens up. "Wait- what's this? This looks familiar," he says, eyes narrowing.
You glance over at him, blinking a few times before giving an answer. "Um yeah... it's the remake of Red Thunder that came out a few years ago," you explain. You work hard to keep your voice even.
He looks over at you, astounded. "Remake? What do you mean remake? They just did it over again?"
You nod. "Yeah, y'know. Like how Scarface is a remake of the old one from the thirties... Like that."
He scoffs. "They tried to remake my movie?" he asks, still in disbelief. He examines the tv again. "Which one's supposed to be me?"
You wait a few seconds, looking for the updated version of him. "Um... that one," you say and point to the younger actor dressed in Soldier Boy gear.
He laughs, the sound booming across the room. "That guy? That's who they chose to play me?" he mocks. "Jesus, if that's the type of man you kids think a hero is no wonder the world is in the state it's in."
"Yeah..." you say, a little smile rising to your lips. Your nerves begin to settle. This isn't so bad when you keep your mind off your feelings… even if he does talk a little bit like your grandfather. "I like the original way better," you continue.
"Oh do you now?” he asks. That start of a smirk on his face is nearly audible.
"Mhm. This one is just kind of boring," you answer, eyes flitting between him and the screen. "They took all the romance stuff out, and we're not in the cold war anymore so the bad guys are just some vague, random evil army. Plus, I don't understand why they didn't just use one of Vought's new supes instead of imitating you."
The words flow easily, just as they did to all your friends when the movie had first come out. You don't have as much trouble expressing yourself when the topic of discussion is one of your favorite subjects.
He nods as if he's genuinely interested in your points before commenting. "I thought your mother was the fan?"
You bite the inside of your cheek, your heart rate picking up again under the spotlight of his attention. It wasn't too big of a slip up. You can play it off like you had with your initial anxiety. Though you can't focus enough to answer while gazing into his cocky eyes, so you look down at your lap.
"She was. But I saw some of your movies too. Doesn't take a genius to know they were better than this stuff," you shrug.
There's a little pause. Your heart beats impossibly faster. But he just chuckles and turns back to the tv. "You sure you've only seen some of my movies? Sounds like you know more than a casual fan," he goads.
Hesitation creeps up on you. Maybe this is your opportunity to tell the truth. You can just confess your thing for him like it's an embarrassing story. Maybe then it won't hold so much power over you and this will be a whole lot easier. Your palms flex against your thighs as you steel yourself.
"Well... more than some. I've seen a lot. I just didn't wanna weird you out or anything," you admit, doing your absolute best to seem casual. Maybe they should give you the Oscar they never offered your beloved.
"There you go. Be honest," he praises, and you think you feel something throb between your legs. You glance up at him for a second before your eyes drop back down. He shakes his head. "It doesn't ‘weird me out.’ I'm used to the attention y'know. I lived with it longer than you've been alive."
"Yeah, but I didn't want things to be uncomfortable. Make you think I was like obsessed or something."
"Well are you like obsessed or something?’ he teases. Something in his tone tells you he already knows the answer.
"No," you deny immediately.
"It would make sense if you were. It'd explain why you're so nervous," he says, his voice smooth as polished marble.
"I'm not nervous," you defend.
"C'mon, sweetheart. You can't look at me for more than a second, and I can hear your heart beating faster than a baby bunny runnin' from a wolf."
You practically swoon when he calls you sweetheart, but you force your eyes up and onto his. No matter how many butterflies erupt in your stomach, you're intent on being professional. That little childish crush is a thing of the past, you're sure of it. You're an adult now with a real passion for your job.
"It's just that you're kind of intimidating," you reason. "It's weird seeing a movie star in person."
"A movie star? You flatter me."
Rolling your eyes, an involuntary huff slips from your lips. "You know what I mean. It's just different talking to you like in real life and not just seeing you on a screen. That's it."
"Is that all? I don't know if I believe you, honey. I recognize that look on your face," he says.
"What look? I don't have a look," you say.
"No, you do. You have that look I used to get from the girls hanging around outside set. They'd stand there with their little autograph books, waiting to get a glimpse of Soldier Boy," he says, eyes almost twinkling as he reminisces. "Only every time I'd go over to sign something for 'em, they could never get their eyes off their shoes. Always looking down, stumbling over their words. I don't typically go for you younger girls, but it was pretty cute."
You feel your cheeks heating up along with a small smile forming on your lips. Just like that, your commitment to professionalism has started to wane. It's dumb, but you can't help yourself. He basically called you cute. You just count yourself lucky you haven’t started giggling.
"Yep they used to do that too. That little smile," he continues.
He's making you malfunction with only a handful of words. Your head spins, but you're powerless to stop it. You can't help reacting like one of those girls because, inside, part of you is still one of them.
"C'mere, sweetheart," he says next before patting his lap.
You know you shouldn't. If Butcher and Hughie came back and saw you like this, it would be the humiliation of a lifetime. But you can't resist him. It's easy to declare your commitment to acting professional when the situation is only a hypothetical. When it becomes real, presented right before your eyes, it's a different story entirely.
Tentatively, you scoot towards him, eyeing his thighs. His hand comes to your back between your shoulders to urge you along.
"I'm not gonna bite you, bunny," he says with that action-hero smile.
More timidity pumps through you at the repetition of that term. You find the courage to close the rest of the gap and crawl into his lap. His arms welcome you, shifting you around on his thighs into a comfortable position.
"Perfect. Feels better like this, doesn't it?" he says.
That palm on your back strokes up and down. He runs it along the length of your spine, bringing a chill over every area it touches. You keep your gaze on your hands in your lap until his fingers tap beneath your chin and redirect your vision onto him.
"Don't hide those pretty eyes from me. That's how I know what you're feelin’. They give so much away.”
You honestly believe you're seconds away from melting into a puddle, from slumping over against his chest and becoming some boneless rag doll for him to play with. You can only imagine how stupid you look if even half of the lovesickness you feel reflects on your face.
"Tell me — have you ever thought about this before? I bet you have," he murmurs.
Of course he's right. You'd envisioned yourself on this very lap countless times when you were younger. But a part of you still clings to the idea that you should hide how absolutely pathetic you are for him. You shrug.
"I guess..." you answer. The words come out airy, almost as if your voice is getting away from you.
He simply smirks at the reply while rubbing the pad of his thumb back and forth over your chin. "Yeah? You imagined sitting my lap, hm? Dreamed of me holding you close?"
"Something like that," you reply, feeling as though your throat was constricting.
He chuckles at your squeak of a reply. "Well, how do I match up to your dreams? Am I everything you hoped I would be?" he asks. His voice drops, and there's no question about what he wants from you now. Something you would give without hesitation.
"You're doing a pretty good job," you say. You try to adjust yourself to face more towards the tv, but he keeps you pinned in place.
"I haven't really done anything yet," he says.
A little bout of silence rises between you two. Neither of you say anything. The only sound is the hushed chatter of the tv in the background. Despite the lack of conversation, his eyes stay on your face. His fingers caress your cheek before smoothing down to your neck.
"How'd a pretty girl like you get involved with those two jackasses who brought me here anyways?" he asks.
"It's a long story..." you say. Your skin is on fire everywhere his fingers trace. They're working over your throat down onto your collarbone and shoulders.
"Too long for you to care about right now, yeah?" he asks, completely smug.
You nod though because smug or not, he's correct about that. Recounting how you got involved with Butcher ordinarily wasn't too hard. But in this moment, on his lap, it seems like the effort of a lifetime for your foggy brain.
"You're too soft and sweet for hunting supes," he says. Despite poking fun at you, he remains gentle and soft, careful not to really upset you and break you out of this docile little haze he's got you in.
"It's not so bad,” you say.
"Sure, sure. You're strong and independent, can do anything a man can and all that. I'm just saying-"
Talk talk talk. So much talking, and you can barely focus on a word he's saying. Your eyes are lingering on his lips. They look so soft and smooth. Nothing’s touched them in forty years. He’s definitely noticed your stare. And you know that means you should stop. You can’t though. You want it, and he’s practically offering it up to you.
He continues speaking, however. “- I can think of a few things you’d be much better at. Things that don’t involve your little hands getting bloody.”
“Like what?” you start to ask.
“Maybe something like this.”
That hand on your chin tugs you closer. Before you register what’s happening, his mouth is on yours. Electricity zaps all through your body like a live wire. You lean into it without thinking, pressing closer and molding your lips to his.
He chuckles as your arms slide up to loop around his neck. You swallow up the low, rough sound, not disconnecting from him for a moment. His hand flattens out along your jawline. It allows him to hold you right where he wants you for a series of more kisses, all of which you reciprocate.
“Atta girl,” he mumbles in the brief interval where you’re forced to drawback for breath. “Not so shy now, are ya?”
You shake your head before diving in for more. He receives you by opening his mouth. His tongue gently flicks over your lip. He slides it against your own as things become deeper. The heat inside you no longer holds the sting of shame or embarrassment. It aches now. It burns with pure want, clustering in the pit of your stomach rather than in your face.
He leans back into the sagging couch. His hands ensure you move along with him. With a firm grip on your waist, he boosts you closer and shifts you around so your thighs are parted across his own.
A small whimper leaves you. You can’t help it. Your bodies are even closer now. Your center is pressed right against his lap, right where his cock is. You can’t feel it yet, but the idea is enough to send phantom sensations rippling through you.
You feel his lips curling into a smirk against yours. Those hands leave your waist. They dip lower, sliding across your curves to grip onto the plush flesh of your ass. That gets a real moan out of you. Your head falls back, away from his mouth. He doesn’t let you go too far though. A second later, his affections move to your neck. His kisses are hot and wet, tongue laving over your pulse point and teeth nipping sensitive skin.
Just a few simple touches, and his strength shines through each one. The firmness with which his fingers knead your ass is unlike anyone else you’ve ever felt. You’ve been with muscular guys before, but nothing like this. Strong is too weak a word to describe the undercurrent flowing through his grasp.
You roll your hips down in an exploratory swivel, something faint to see if you could find some friction. He aides you. His fingers tighten around your ass, pushing you down harder and then dragging your core back over his lap.
You suck in a little gasp.
“That feel good, huh? Your pretty pussy’s getting wet for me, isn’t she?” he asks with another rotation of your hips.
“Y-yeah,” you stutter. You push your upper-half closer to him so that your chest squishes against his own.
To your dismay, he stops you from fully holding on. He nudges you backwards and boosts you off his lap entirely so that you’re standing on your feet. A whine builds at the front of your mouth, but before you can protest, his fingers come to the button on your jeans.
He flicks it open, looking up at you as he yanks your pants down. “Been forty years since I got some tail. Let’s not waste any more time,” he says in explanation.
You nod along and step out of each of your pant legs, kicking the garment aside. You also take your t-shirt off. The fabric lands on top of your discarded jeans. Once you’re left in just your bra and panties, he tugs you back down.
Your bodies come together with a thud. The material of his sweats grazes your tingly inner-thighs. Before you can get back into rutting yourself on him, he runs his palms over your legs. They’re pretty smooth for someone of his age and experience. You always imagined something a little rougher, something that would contrast against the smooth nature of your own flesh. But forty years in a cryo-tank hadn’t given his skin much opportunity to become weathered.
His hands find your ass again, one coming down to give it a quick smack. Your hips jolt in surprise at the sudden sting. He soothes it away by rubbing over the heated area. His fingers dig into your malleable skin harder now that it’s bare to him.
“Skin’s baby-soft,” he murmurs mid-grope. “Been wanting someone rougher to come and mark it up?”
Your eyes flicker over his mocking smirk, heat filling your face. You grind yourself on him again with a whine. It feels so much better with your clothing out of the way. Even though the thin cotton barrier of your panties keeps you from rubbing down on him raw, the material is skimpy enough that it doesn’t impede. Instead it adds a little extra spark to the building pressure between your legs. Your eyes roll towards the back of your head, fluttering as you rock yourself forward and back.
He helps out just like before. His hands rein your movements into a steady rhythm. In between your bodies, his bulge starts to form. With each swipe of your covered cunt across his lap, you feel it becoming more and more prominent; hard and solid right up against your soaked folds.
“Just like that, get yourself ready for me,” he praises with another slap to your backside. “I’ll teach you how to really ride.”
You moan while biting your lip. Your hips work faster on him. Being so close, so lost in his feel and scent, has freed you of your previous trepidation. You’ve lost the ability to be stuck in your head with him like this.
He shifts you over slightly so that you’re lined up with the flat top of his thigh. It makes no difference to you. You keep your hips moving like nothing’s changed, grinding your throbbing clit down onto the firm muscles in his leg.
“Fuck,” you whimper. Your arms wrap over his shoulders once more. You squish your face into the crux of your elbow.
This time he lets you stay. He wraps an arm around you and lazily pats your back. “Good girl. Keep going. I gotcha.” His voice rumbles beside your ear. “Better than any dream, yeah?”
“Mhm,” you whimper. “Fuck- so much better. You- you’re perfect.”
While you continue to pleasure yourself on his leg, he lifts his hips off the couch just enough to push his sweats down towards his knees. He takes his cock out. It’s fully hard now, stiff in his hand as he gives it a few strokes.
You don’t notice at first, so wrapped up in your own bliss. But when he starts pulling you center again, you lift your head and glance down through heavy-lids.
You’d imagined him big, but seeing his cock for real makes you feel like you didn’t imagine big enough. His length is long and moderately thick. It’s flushed for you, the tip shimmery with the slightest bit of pre oozing out.
Your mouth waters. You want to taste him. You want to show him how badly you want it. You want to drop to your knees and think about nothing but how good he fits in your mouth.
But you know you have limited time. Butcher said you had a couple hours, but he’s also unreliable and a liar and purposefully fucking with you today so… you don’t want to take any chances.
He doesn’t seem too eager to have you like that anyways. He gives you a slight boost and pulls the soaked material of your panties to the side. The silky skin of his tip replaces the feeling. He drags himself across your entrance once, twice, and then nudges inside.
Your teeth sink into your lip as your head falls back slightly. You still can’t understand how this is real, but it undeniably is. The feeling of him working himself in, inch by inch, is not a figment of your imagination. That sweet stretch is absolutely real, and it consumes you more with every passing second until your ass is flush against his thighs once more.
He groans. “Shit, that’s good.” The muscles in his jaw flex. “Haven’t felt anything this nice in a longgg fucking time.”
Your walls flutter around him, eliciting another hiss from between his gritted teeth. Every noise he makes feels as good as a physical touch. You can’t get enough of hearing his voice strained with pleasure — pleasure you’re giving him.
You rise on his lap before sinking down. The rhythm is slow to start, a way for both of you to get used to the feeling. His hands squeeze your hips hard enough to bring a little burst of pain. You like it though. You want more of it.
He smacks your ass again. “C’mon, bunny. I know you can do better than that.”
Your hands plant themselves firmly on his shoulders, giving you the leverage needed to go a little faster. You bring yourself up and then down in quicker succession.
“That’s it. Such a good girl. Show daddy what you’ve been dreamin’ about.”
A shudder tears through you. Your muscles feel weak, like the simple string of praise had loosened them up completely. It doesn’t matter though. You start to bounce faster. Your body works with a mind of its own. It doesn’t let you slow down.
He slides in and out easily with how wet you are. Every drag of his cock on your insides is a straight shot of bliss. You feel even better when he grips your jaw and pulls you in for another few kisses. His mouth moves against your own before moving along your jawline to the space below your ear and then onto your neck and collarbone.
“Every inch of you tastes so fucking good. Like cherry pie,” he mumbles. “I’ll have to try out that pussy of yours next.”
“Mhm, fuck,” you whimper.
You keep riding as his teeth nip at one of your bra straps. The noises of your skin on his fill the small motel room. His tight grip on your waist helps you maintain the rhythm, pulling you down hard and boosting you up quick
The tip of his cock bumps up against your g-spot and gets a squeal out of you. Your nails dig into his shoulders as a way of bracing yourself. Neither of you slow down. You stutter slightly, but his hips lift to meet your movements. His fast thrusts strike at that angle over and over until your legs are quivering to the point that it truly feels like they might give out.
Luckily for you, he makes sure you don’t go toppling to the floor. The firm weight of his hands guide you closer to his body. Your weight shifting gives him the leverage to take over pumping in and out of you.
Your cheek hits his shoulder as your head fills with a warm, thick fog. He pounds into that sweet spot inside of you over and over. You can hear him grunting beside your ear, low and strained sounds that have your stomach full of butterflies.
“Pretty, pretty girl. You were worth the wait,” he mumbles alongside another deep thrust.
You whimper, lazily nodding your head against him. “You- mm- you were too.”
Sweet, tight heat coils in your belly. You know release is creeping up on you. Your eyes flutter shut, waiting for it to take over. You don’t notice his hand sliding between your bodies until you feel the pads of his fingertips rubbing at your sensitive clit. Your hips buck into the pleasure, and your walls clamp around him hard.
He lets out a deep laugh that only makes you tighten up more.
“Yeah, that’s a good girl. I know what you need, babydoll. Let go for me. Let me see how good you look when you cum,” he says.
His fingers keep swiping at the little bud between your legs. Syrupy shots of bliss shoot through you, pushing you along, taking you to the edge. It’s no time at all before a round of shudders rack through you. Your arms latch around his neck while your thighs clamp on either side of his. Embarrassing strings of whines trickle into the air.
“I- I- fuck,” you whimper. “Feels so- so fucking good, god.”
The last word to leave your lips is pitchy and broken. Your release cuts it short. Moans replace any coherent praise you could have given him. You bury your face in his neck and pant against the warm skin. Vaguely, you can feel his arms tightening around you. One of his hands rests between your shoulders while the other stays at your waist. He keeps pumping up into you, fucking you through each and every wave of orgasmic euphoria.
He’s less clingy as he finishes. His hips snap up into you a few more times before he groans loud and deep. He maintains the solid grip he has on you, hands still clamped around your waist as he spills inside. His chest rises and falls under your own, puffing quick with the exertion of finishing.
Your eyes stay closed for another several seconds as the room goes quiet and your nerves stop buzzing. His thumb lazily drags back and forth in tiny lines along the base of your spine. That almost makes you shiver more than anything you did on top of him.
With the fog of lust clearing from your mind, you separate from his chest and sit up straight. He’s relaxed as can be, head tilted back against the couch, watching you with the same lazy appraisal you’re giving him. Now that your entire body isn’t thrumming with want for him, he doesn’t seem so intimidating. You know that’s not the truth, that he could still crush any of your bones with minimal effort if he so desired — but in a weird way, you just don’t feel like you’re perpetually looking up at him now. It’s not negative, but the mystique is gone. The man of your dreams doesn’t exist anymore. Soldier Boy is flesh and blood, sweaty and spent beneath you.
You roll off of him to the other side of the couch. You’re pretty sure not much time has passed, but you don’t want to risk anything. You’re gonna be well and dressed when Butcher and Hughie come back. The two of them will be none the wiser that anything out of the ordinary occurred.
He stretches for a moment before adjusting his own appearance.
“Gotta say, I’m in no rush to do whatever it is they thawed me out for now. You’re much more fun.” His voice breaks the silence.
A small smile cracks on your face. “Yeah… think I’ll be pretty distracted too.” You look over your shoulder at him.
Little comments bounce back and forth between the two of you with nothing substantial really being said. That’s ok with you. The fact that you really just fucked Soldier Boy has left your mind void of conversational skills.
After the two of you are back to looking plain as you had been before, your collective attention returns to what’s left of the Red Thunder remake still playing on the tv.
“Who’s the head honcho nowadays? Was it Homelander they said?” he asks you. “Guy must not be able to get it done if they’re remaking this old shit.”
You laugh softly and nod. “Yeah… I’m sure Butcher will tell you allll about him when they get back.”
The two of you watch the remainder of the movie, with you chattering here and there about things you don’t like or little facts you know. It’s nice in a weird way. Feels almost like something you would’ve dreamed up all those years ago.
Your little bubble of fantasy bursts when the car doors slam not too far from the motel room entrance. You sit up a little straighter, smooth out your hair a bit, trying to make sure you look totally normal before Hughie and Butcher walk in.
Soldier Boy makes no such effort. His eyes rest on the tv while his legs stay spread and his posture slightly slouched.
The door creaks open and shuts just as quick. Hughie enters first with Butcher right behind him. You keep your focus on the tv. But even though you’re not looking, you can feel Butcher’s curious stare.
“We got everything we needed, so we should be good to go for tonight,” Hughie says, not giving the two of you any real thought.
You nod and take the chance to look over at him walking towards the table all of you sat at earlier. In your sweep of the room, you catch Butcher’s gaze lingering on the two of you.
“Seems like everything went well here,” he says. You know from that lilt in his tone the words aren’t as innocent as the untrained ear would believe. You know he wants to poke and prod and expose your new dirty little secret, but you won’t let him.
You shrug. “There wasn’t a ton to do here, so yeah,” you huff like it’s obvious.
His boots squish on the cheap carpeting as he takes a few steps closer.
“So just smooth sailin’. Nothing out of the ordinary happened?”
You roll your eyes. Does he somehow know what you did? Is he sick enough to have left cameras or something?
“Yeah. Everything’s the same as you left it, boss.”
He laughs, brief and short, a prelude to his killing strike.
“’s funny cause I don’t remember your shirt bein’ on inside-out when we left.”
Your eyes zip down only to find he’s right. The seams on your shirt puff out as they do on the interior side of the fabric. Heat rushes into your face. You grab the lumpy throw pillow jammed between your hip and the couch and chuck it in his direction.
“Shut up,” you huff as you take off towards the bathroom, swinging the door shut behind you.
His laughter carries after you, and there’s a bit of Soldier Boy’s as well, lower and deeper in timbre.
“What can I say? She’s a super-fan.” His voice rumbles through the thin walls.
You want to be offended, to go back out there and tell him and Butcher off, to not put up with any of their shit. But hearing him talk about you in that sugar-coated, condescending tone of voice, openly acknowledging he’d been with you… it wouldn’t be honest.
You adored him before you learned to hate supes. Even if the fantasy is gone, deep down, you’re not sure you’ll ever fully rid yourself of that version of you who was whole-heartedly a super fan.
You and Ryland Grace were never supposed to meet. Just messages sent across the void, a voice in the dark, something to keep the loneliness away. But somewhere along the way, he becomes more than that. And you’re left wondering if something this fragile can survive the dying sun.
Ryland Grace x hacker reader smut
Word count: 20k
Warnings: graphic smut, making out, age gap, talk of loneliness, jealousy, lying, angst
A/n: “this is all based on the movie! An au, kinda, sorry for any inaccuracies. He still meets rocky but rocky has enough astrophage to go to Erid and Ryland goes back to earth.”
The vast expanse of space stretched endlessly beyond the reinforced porthole of the Hail Mary, a silent ocean of inky black void punctuated only by the distant, unblinking eyes of stars cold, ancient, and utterly indifferent to the fragile life contained within the ship's humming shell.
Some already dead, some just born. It had been seven days since awakening, seven interminable cycles of artificial day and night dictated by the ship's chronometer, a digital heartbeat that mocked the natural rhythms Ryland Grace had once taken for granted on Earth.
The cabin, no larger than a modest studio apartment back home, felt like a coffin adrift in eternity. Walls of matte gray alloy etched with faint scuff marks from his restless floating, and stumbling. Control panels alive with the subdued glow of leds in shades of teal and amber, and the ever present scent of recycled air laced with the faint ozone tang of electronics and the sharper, synthetic bite of his unwashed flight suit tied around his lean waist.
He floated there, suspended in the zero gravity embrace that had long since lost its novelty and become just another layer of confinement. His body, slender from months of casual exercise but now softened by inactivity, drifted lazily as he maneuvered toward the galley nook.
The past week had been a descent into quiet desperation, a mental unraveling disguised as routine. Mission protocols had outlined every contingency except the soul crushing solitude, the kind that seeped into your bones like cosmic radiation, eroding resolve one silent hour at a time. He'd run diagnostics until the readouts blurred in his vision, plotted trajectories that looped back to the same grim calculus. Save the sun or die trying, alone.
The vodka, smuggled in a hidden compartment as a nod to one of his fallen comrades. He'd savored it earlier that evening (or what passed for evening in this timeless drift), the fiery liquid burning a path down his throat, warming his core against the perpetual chill that no amount of thermal regulation could fully banish. It had loosened the knot in his chest, if only for a moment, allowing him to confront the inevitable without the sharp edge of panic.
With the buzz fading into a dull throb behind his eyes, survival demanded pragmatism. He retrieved an unopened packet of ramen from the storage locker, its foil wrapper crinkling softly in the hush. The hot water dispenser hummed to life, dispensing a measured stream that he poured into the pouch, watching as steam bloomed in ethereal curls, twisting and dissipating in the weightless air like ghosts fleeing the light.
He sat himself at the fold down table with a his suit shifting around his waist and tore open the packet. The noodles, reconstituted into a steaming tangle, carried the artificial allure of beef and spice flavors engineered in a lab to evoke comfort, but tasting now like a pale echo of terrestrial meals.
He slurped them with deliberate care, broth dribbling onto his chin before he caught it with a swipe of his hand. Each bite was a ritual, a tether to humanity the salty warmth coating his tongue, the faint crunch of dehydrated vegetables yielding under his teeth, the way the steam fogged his glasses momentarily before he pushed them up the bridge of his nose.
The main console, dominating the forward bulkhead like a watchful oracle, bathed the space in its cool luminescence. Holographic projections flickered with real time data oxygen levels steady at 21%, hull integrity nominal, solar sails deploying in incremental whispers of efficiency.
The Eriduri system loomed in his mind's eye, a distant promise of purpose amid the stellar nursery of Rho Eridani, where alien worlds might hold the key to Earth's salvation. But here, in the interstitial black between stars, it was just him. The former middle school science teacher turned reluctant savior, his reflection in the screen a haggard ghost with unkept hair, stubble shadowing his jaw, and eyes shadowed by the weight of unspoken fears. His glasses reflecting hollowed light back to him.
He was midway through his meal, chopsticks poised for another awkward scoop, when the anomaly intruded. A subtle shift in the console's interface, a new window materializing in the lower right quadrant, unbidden and unauthorized.
A bioluminescent green cursor appeared, not the standard mission glyph but a simple, archaic underscore, blinking with rhythmic insistence.
On, off, on, off.
It was an anachronism in this high tech sanctum, evoking old Earth computers from his childhood stories, and it snagged his attention like a hook in still water.
He set the ramen aside, the pouch falling over with some uneaten weight, and propelled himself closer. His heart quickened, a staccato drum against his ribs, as the first message resolved letter by letter, each pixel igniting with deliberate slowness.
“Moonwalk”
The word materialized in crisp white sans serif font, hovering against the starry backdrop feed that served as the screen's default saver. Moonwalk. What cryptic nonsense was this? His mind cataloged possibilities in a flash. Solar flare interference scrambling the display? A subroutine glitch from the AI core? Or something more sinister: a breach in the firewall, an external ping from who knows where?
The Hail Mary was designed as a fortress of solitude, its comms array tuned to burst transmissions back to Earth, not casual chit chat. Yet here it was, in English no garbled code, no binary spew just a single, playful term that conjured images of Michael Jackson's iconic glide or Neil Armstrong's first lunar steps. Absurd, given his circumstances.
Wiping his hands on the frayed thighs of his pants the fabric worn soft from repeated use, carrying the faint imprint of his palms he leaned into the keyboard harness. His fingers, still greasy from the meal, hesitated over the keys, the plastic cool and unyielding. Protocols screamed caution. Isolate the terminal, run a scan. But curiosity, that old scientific vice, overrode them. He typed, the clack of keys echoing faintly in the cabin like Morse code tapped on metal.
“Never learned how”
He pressed enter, the message vanishing into the buffer with a soft chime that seemed louder than intended. Leaning back, the unused harness straps digging into his shoulders, he watched the cursor pulse. The cabin's atmosphere thickened, the air recyclers' whisper now a held breath, the distant creak of the hull expanding and contracting in the thermal flux outside amplifying his anticipation.
Seconds stretched into minutes; he could hear his own respiration, steady but laced with an undercurrent of adrenaline. The stars wheeled imperceptibly beyond the viewport, a cosmic ballet indifferent to his vigil. Then, a response.
“lol”
Three letters, lowercase and lighthearted, blooming on the screen like a shared secret. Laughter of the lines lowercase lol a digital chuckle that pierced the sterile void. Ryland's lips twitched, then parted in a genuine, dorky grin, the kind that crinkled the corners of his eyes.
Amusement bubbled up, unbidden and warm, chasing away the vodka's lingering fog. It was human, this flawed, informal, alive. In a ship built for precision and isolation, it felt like a breach of sunlight through armored plating. Intrigued, he felt a spark ignite in his chest, not fear but a tentative thrill, the first crack in the monotony's facade.
Emboldened, his fingers danced toward the keys again. Who are you? The thought appeared, glowing with curiosity, but doubt slithered in like coolant vapor from a vent. Who indeed? Mission control wouldn't toy like this. He backspaced furiously, the deletions a rapid fire retreat, leaving the cursor naked once more. Arms crossed over his chest, studying the interface as if it might betray its secrets through sheer willpower. The ramen cooled untouched, its aroma fading into the ambient staleness. The cursor stirred anew, as if sensing his impatience.
“Ryland Grace?”
His full name, precise and personal, etched in text that felt like a whisper directly into his ear. A jolt ran through him, electric and intimate, raising the fine hairs on his arms. How? The manifest was classified, the signal encrypted. His pulse thrummed in his temples, the cabin's confines pressing closer the overhead lights casting long shadows across the lockers stocked with freeze dried provisions, the emergency suit hanging like a sentinel in its alcove, the faint hum of the xenonite processors in the lab module aft, churning data on Erid's alien biology. Trust was a scarce resource out here, rationed like water. He didn't reply immediately, letting minutes accrue like interest on a debt. His mind raced through scenarios: a deep space probe with a rogue program? Intercepted comms from a rival nation? Or, improbably, a genuine connection to another soul, reaching across the light years?
The pit in his stomach twisted, a cold coil of uncertainty, but he couldn't ignore it. Finally, with a deep breath that fogged the console's edge, he typed.
“Depends on who's asking.”
Enter. The words launched into the unknown, and he unstrapped, pushing off toward the viewport to stare into the abyss. The wait gnawed at him, each second amplifying the ship's subtle symphony: the soft whoosh of air ducts, the occasional ping of micrometeorite deflection on the shields, the distant throb of the fusion drive idling in standby. His reflection overlaid the stars wide eyed, wary, yet undeniably drawn in.
“Interesting.”
The reply arrived like a gentle prod, enigmatic and laced with intrigue. No elaboration, just that single word, dangling like bait. He exhaled, a chuckle escaping despite himself callous, self deprecating, the kind that acknowledged the absurdity without surrendering to it. He returned to the console, but sleep called, or at least the pretense of it. Unstrapping fully, he navigated the narrow corridor to his bunk pod, a cocoon of padded netting and memory foam that molded to his form in the null g. The lights dimmed to a nocturnal red, simulating twilight over some imagined horizon, but rest proved elusive.
He turned in the restraints, the fabric sighing against his skin, his thoughts a tempest. What entity wielded such access? A hacker probing NASA's vaults? An alien intelligence mimicking human idiom? Or something benign, a forgotten subroutine awakened by his vodka fueled tinkering? The lol replayed in his mind, evoking a phantom smile, a bridge of humor spanning the unbridgeable. It humanized the unknown, stirring a longing he hadn't named: connection, however fleeting, in this engineered loneliness. The ship's log would note his vitals spiking, heart rate elevated, cortisol traces but he dismissed it, chasing fragments of dreams where voices echoed without screens.
Far below, on the blue marble of Earth, in a cramped dorm room at a university, the mysterious coder huddled over a laptop. The space was a chaotic haven of academia posters of nebulae and circuit diagrams peeling from cinderblock walls, a desk buried under textbooks on astrophysics and quantum computing, the glow of your screen the sole light against the midnight hush of the hallway outside.
You’d been debugging a simulation for your senior project, a virtual model of deep space comms when a stray line of code, born of late night impulse, had latched onto a public NASA feed.
What started as a glitch evolved into a handshake, your terminal bridging the gulf to the Hail Mary through some overlooked vulnerability in the pre launch software. Fingers hovering over her keyboard, you bit your lip, heart racing with a mix of terror and exhilaration. Ryland Grace the name from headlines, the man who'd gotten voluntold for the impossible.
Your accidental intrusion had unearthed greatness, a living legend adrift, and in that moment, two isolates astronaut and student touched across the void, the first thread of an unforeseen tapestry weaving through the stars.
The fluorescent hum of the lecture hall lights buzzed like a persistent insect against the edges of your frayed consciousness, a relentless drone that mirrored the chaos swirling in your skull.
It was mid morning on campus, the kind of crisp day where leaves skittered across the quad like errant thoughts, carried on a breeze that whispered promises of change you couldn't quite grasp. But inside this cavernous room rows of tiered seating scarred by years of restless students, the air thick with the mingled scents of stale coffee, fresh printer ink from syllabus handouts, and the faint, earthy undertone of rain dampened wool coats you were adrift, untethered.
The professor's voice washed over you in waves, a monotonous tide of jargon about astrophage propagation models and orbital decay rates, but the words dissolved before they could anchor. Your notebook lay open on the pull down desk, its lined pages a barren landscape marred only by a half hearted doodle of a spiraling galaxy, born from the night's insomnia.
You shifted in your seat, the vinyl cushion creaking softly under your weight, the chill seeping through your jeans a stark reminder of the draft snaking in from the half open window at the back.
Around you, classmates scribbled notes with the fervor of the damned, their pens scratching like tiny claws on paper, illuminated by the projector’s blue glow casting ethereal shadows across their faces.
One girl two rows ahead twisted her hair into a knot, her foot tapping a rhythmic Morse code of impatience; a guy to your left yawned wide enough to crack his jaw, the sound swallowed by the professor's droning explanation of simulation parameters. You envied their obliviousness, their ability to inhabit this mundane bubble while your world had cracked open like a fault line in the Earth's crust, spilling secrets from the stars.
Ryland Grace. The name alone conjured a constellation of memories you'd pieced together in the witching hours, fragments gleaned from flickering screens and breathless news clips. Everyone knew of him or at least, the myth of him. The unassuming science teacher from some sleepy town, plucked from obscurity to join the ranks of the great volunteers, those improbable heroes who'd stumbled into the astrophage crisis like characters in a cosmic thriller.
You'd seen the archival footage, the press conference where he'd cracked a smile lined with a lopsided grin, rubbing the back of his neck as if embarrassed by the weight of salvation on his shoulders. "Just doing my part." Voice steady but laced with that arid, self effacing humor that made the anchors chuckle.
Saving Earth hadn't been a grand quest for him; it was puzzle solving on a planetary scale, his mind a quiet engine turning the tide against the solar devouring plague. Interviews painted him as the everyman savior awkward pauses, thoughtful stares into the camera, a man who'd traded chalkboards for starships. But last night, those pixels had come alive, not as history but as a living echo, his words from old talks looping in your headphones until dawn crept in, painting your bedroom window with light.
Sleep had been a cruel tease, slipping through your fingers like comet dust. You'd collapsed onto your bed around four a.m., the mattress sagging under the pile of textbooks and hoodies that doubled as your pillow fort, but your eyes refused to close.
You'd propped yourself against the headboard, the wooden frame groaning in sympathy, and let the glow of your laptop pull you under. The room around you was a testament to controlled chaos string lights draped haphazardly over the bed's headboard, casting warm amber pools across the cluttered desk where your project files sprawled like a digital battlefield.
Empty energy drink cans formed a metallic skyline along the windowsill, their aluminum cool to the touch when you'd reached for one absentmindedly, the fizz long gone. Posters of pulsar arrays and exoplanet renderings peeled at the corners from the cinderblock walls, curling like invitations to elsewhere, while the faint scent of microwave popcorn lingered from a study session that had devolved into solitude.
A few miles down the road, campus stirred faintly the distant rumble of a maintenance truck, the muffled laughter of early risers heading to the dining hall but in here, isolation wrapped around you like a second skin, thick and unyielding.
The project had seemed innocuous at the start, just another hoop in the gauntlet of your senior year. Professor Hale, with his wire rimmed glasses perpetually fogged from his perpetual thermos of black tea, had leaned against the chalkboard that first day, sleeves rolled up to reveal faded tattoos of orbital paths inked in his wilder youth. "Optimize Earth based satellite observations of astrophage activity." he'd intoned, his voice gravelly from too many late nights grading.
"Simulate the feeds, patch the blind spots, think of it as giving our eyes in the sky a tune up." You'd nodded along, fingers flying over your keyboard to jot the specs of low Earth orbit trajectories, infrared spectral analysis, error correcting algorithms to filter the noise from the astrophage blooms that still haunted the solar system's fringes.
It was meant to be entirely theoretical, a sandbox of code and data drawn from public archives, honing your skills for the post grad job hunt in a field where wonder paid in spreadsheets.
But curiosity, that sly saboteur, had nudged you further. Late one evening, fueled by a cocktail of caffeine and quiet desperation, you'd tinkered with a backdoor subroutine, a harmless tweak to mimic real time pings, pulling from declassified NASA relays. What you'd expected was a simulated touch, a loop of dummy data echoing back your inputs.
However, the terminal had hiccuped, lines of code unraveling like frayed wiring, latching onto something distant, anomalous. Faulty engineering, you'd realize later, a pre launch oversight in the Hail Mary's comms firewall, a vulnerability born of rushed deadlines and the frantic scramble to launch the volunteer vessel light years toward Tau Ceti.
Your screen had bloomed with an unfamiliar interface, the cursor blinking like a beacon in the void, and then connection. Not to a satellite cluster orbiting Earth, but to him. The man orbiting, adrift in the interstellar black, his ship's systems whispering back through the ether.
The ethical storm had brewed from that first spark. You'd stared at the exchange of his cautious quips, your hapless lol that had made your chest ache with unexpected warmth feeling the weight of it settle like lead in your veins. Detrimental didn't begin to cover it.
This wasn't a prank or a glitch; it was a breach, a digital trespass into classified solitude. Reporting it meant scrutiny, investigations, questions about your code, the potential unraveling of your academic life in a university already rife with cutthroat competition.
Whispers in the halls about "that girl who hacked the stars" could turn admiration to suspicion, scholarships revoked, futures derailed.
A greedy part of you, the one curled in the shadows of your loneliness, wanted to hoard it. This secret bridge, this improbable thread linking your cramped dorm to the endless night it was yours, a private rebellion against the isolation that gnawed at you daily.
No roommates to share the burden (yours had transferred out last semester, leaving the space echoing with absence), no family calls that pierced the time zones without feeling performative. You were an island in a sea of faces, your nights spent chasing equations while the world outside paired off in laughter and light.
Yet the moral compass you'd inherited honed by ethics seminars and late night debates in the astrophysics lounge tugged insistently. Was this kindness or cruelty?
He was alone out there, somewhat alone. You wondered, if he had the rest of the crew to support him. In the quiet hours as your laptop fan whirred like a distant engine, if you were his only voice since departure. No mission control pings, no AI companions beyond cold protocols, just the hum of life support and the stars' indifferent gaze.
Communicating again risked everything his focus, the mission's integrity, your own fragile grip on normalcy. Sweep it under the rug, delete the logs, let the connection fade like a dream upon waking. But truth be told, the thought hollowed you out. You were just as marooned in your own way drifting through lectures and labs, the weight of unspoken dreams pressing like the dorm's thin walls against the wind.
Loneliness wasn't measured in light years; it was the echo in an empty room, the ache of reaching for something real across an unbridgeable gap.
As the professor wrapped up, dismissing the class with a wave toward the whiteboard's scrawled equations, you lingered, your fingers tracing the edge of your notebook.
The hall emptied in a rustle of backpacks and murmured plans for lunch, the air growing cooler in their wake. The voices beckoned with its deceptive normalcy students huddled over phones, leaves swirling in eddies but your mind was light years away, tangled in the what ifs.
Type another message? Or let the cursor's blink become a memory, fading into the cosmic static? The dilemma coiled in your chest, tender and raw, a slow burning fire fed by the shared solitude of two souls one in a metal ship slicing through the void, the other in a concrete tower under earthly skies.
For now, you rose, slinging your bag over your shoulder, the strap biting into your skin like a promise you weren't ready to keep. But the pull was there, insistent as gravity, drawing you back toward the screen that waited in your room.
The glow of your laptop screen bathed your bedroom in a soft, ethereal black and green, turning the cluttered space into a makeshift command center suspended between worlds.
It was well past midnight now, the campus outside your window hushed under a blanket of stars that felt mocking in their proximity close enough to touch if you stretched, yet infinitely distant compared to the man on the other end of this improbable line.
Your desk lamp flickered faintly, casting elongated shadows across the scattered notes from Professor Hale's class, their edges curling like whispers of forgotten equations. The air in the room hung heavy with the remnants of your all nighter the tangy bite of cooling ramen broth from a bowl pushed aside hours ago, the faint putrid whiff from your overheating processor, and the subtle, comforting musk of your oversized hoodie, pulled tight around you like armor against the chill seeping through the single pane window.
Your fingers, chilled from the draft, hovered over the keys, the plastic cool and unyielding beneath them, as if the keyboard itself sensed the gravity of what you were about to reveal.
You took a breath, the kind that rattled in your chest like loose change in a pocket, and began typing. The cursor blinked patiently, a steady heartbeat in the digital void separating you from the Hail Mary.
“Hey, it's me again. I'm a software engineering major, working on predictive models for harnessing the Sun's energy to speed up algae growth, think solar powered superfood for the apocalypse and real time tracking of astrophage blooms. Totally nerdy stuff. Anyway, while I was running some code to test signal relays and satellite algorithms, I guess my experimental tweaks intercepted your live comms? Your ship's out there observing and experimenting in real time, and boom accidental hack. Sorry not sorry?”
Hitting enter felt like launching a probe into uncharted space, your heart thudding in sync with the fan's low whirl. The seconds stretched, elastic and taut, until his response flooded the screen in a cascade of text that made your eyes widen.
He was taken aback, that much was clear from the rapid fire paragraphs waves of information surging over him like a solar flare. Relief? Terror? Or some cocktail of both that left him reeling at the thought of a college kid breaching his interstellar fortress.
You could almost picture it, him in that cramped cockpit, brawn frame tensed against the acceleration couch, his face those sharp features from the interviews, etched with the lines of too many sleepless missions paling under the console's amber glow as he processed the intrusion. Then, the punchline landed.
“You’re getting an A, for sure.”
A laugh bubbled up from your throat, unbidden and bright, cutting through the room's stale quiet like a comet's tail. You clapped a hand over your mouth, but it was too late the sound echoed off the cinderblock walls, startling you into a grin. Imagining the crinkle at the corners of his eyes, that signature quirk from the old press clips where he'd deflect heavy questions with a wry twist of his lips, made your cheeks warm. He was out there, cracking jokes amid the void, and somehow, it bridged the gap just a fraction.
Emboldened, you typed back, fingers dancing now with a lightness you hadn't felt all day.
“How’s space?”
His reply came slower, measured, sidestepping the shadows you sensed lurking in his subtext, the impending doom coiled in his chest like a spring, the ghosts of comrades he'd watched drift into the black. No, he wasn't ready for that confessional dive.
“Totally super cool.”
You chuckled again, softer this time, the sound muffled as you leaned back in your creaky desk chair, its springs protesting like an old friend ribbing you. Boring? Understatement of the century. But there was a intellectual wit in the brevity, a relatable deflection that screamed adulting in the apocalypse.
Picturing him out there, surrounded by blinking readouts and the endless starfield, boiling down cosmic isolation to a tourist brochure line, it was almost endearing.
“Seen any aliens yet?”
You fired off, curiosity laced with a playful nudge, testing the waters of this bizarre rapport. Quicker this time, his words zipped back.
“Dont joke about that. It's actually an irrational fear I have.”
Your fingers paused mid air, the keyboard's faint clicks falling silent as a flutter stirred in your chest not just intrigue, but something warmer, like sunlight filtering through storm clouds. His vulnerability peeked through the screen, raw and unexpected, making the distance feel less like a barrier and more like a shared secret.
You told yourself it was just the thrill of the connection, the absurdity of chatting with a space legend via glitchy code, but the warmth lingered, pooling low and insistent.
Not sure if it was too soon, hell, you'd been at this for what, hours now? your mind wandered to the crew, those faceless figures from the mission briefings, sealed in their tin can hurtling through the dark.
“Has any of the crew made any interactions outside the ship?”
The pause that followed was interminable, the cursor's blink stretching into eternity, each flash a metronome counting the weight of unspoken truths. Your room seemed to hold its breath with you the string lights dimming slightly as your laptop battery dipped, the distant hum of a vending machine in the hall fading to white noise. When his response finally materialized, it was clipped, heavy.
“No it's been quiet.”
A beat, then.
“Too quiet.”
Your stomach tightened, a visceral twist that had nothing to do with the half eaten granola bar on your desk. Loneliness, typed out in stark pixels, sounded so achingly human, so tangible it clawed at your own isolation. Why you? Why this glitchy backdoor the only lifeline piercing his solitude? Fingers moving slowly, deliberate, you typed to bridge the chasm without prodding too deep.
“Sometimes quiet is good. Makes life feel slower.”
He stared at the words, the ship's hum a constant underscore to his thoughts. How was some college kid dispensing life advice like a pint sized therapist? He was double your age, probably scarred by lesson plans and lab explosions long before she'd aced her first midterm. But damn if it didn't land, a gentle nudge against the isolation gnawing at his edges. He liked the rhythm of it, the easy back and forth that felt less like interrogation and more like camaraderie. Entertaining it further couldn't hurt.
“It wasn’t much different on Earth.”
Your brows furrowed, creasing the space between them as you leaned closer to the screen, the glow reflecting in your eyes like distant nebulae.
“How so?”
“The loneliness."
The words hung there, simple and stark, pulling your thoughts back to the crew the team he'd launched with, packed into that pressurized pod like sardines in a survival suit. Confusion bubbled up, relatable in its everyday logic.
“But you're surrounded by the other astronauts in a tin can.”
A slight laugh escaped him, huffed through his nose in the confines of the cockpit, the sound swallowed by the recyclers' whir. He pushed his glasses up his nose. It would've been funny, pitch perfect cosmic irony, if the circumstances didn't carve it hollow. His fingers tapped out the truth, steady as a heartbeat monitor. His bottom lip tucked between his teeth, glancing at the keyboard and the screen.
“It’s just me.”
You froze, the cursor's blink the only movement on your screen as his words sank in, heavy as asteroid debris. No immediate reply from you, just the quiet digestion, the room's shadows deepening as empathy wrapped around you like a chill draft. Finally, soft and sincere.
“Im sorry.”
“Dont be.”
Your lips tightened, a thoughtful press as you racked your brain for a lifeline, something to haul the mood from the brink without dismissing the ache. The clock on your nightstand glowed 2:17 a.m., a reminder of how the hours had slipped away in this digital confessional. Funny, wasn't it? You, who stumbled over small talk at coffee lines and ghosted group chats, had poured out paragraphs to a stranger, an astronaut, no less via a hacked interface that probably violated a dozen treaties. Easier this way, pixels over people, no awkward eye contact or fumbling pauses.
“Im stuck on Earth, you’re stuck in space, friends?”
You hit send on the olive branch, hoping it landed light, not too forward though after spilling guts across the void, what was one more leap? His reply came swift, warm as a solar flare.
“Already are.”
A smile tugged at your lips, genuine and slow, chasing away the room's lingering chill. In that moment, the room's confines felt a little less like a cage, the stars outside a little less indifferent. Two loners, tethered by code and coincidence, trading quips in the quiet hours, it was the start of something improbably real, witty and warm against the cold expanse.
The Hail Mary drifted onward, a lone speck in the infinite black, its hull whispering secrets to the void with every faint creak of expanding metal under the sun's distant gaze. Two days had slipped by since that last flicker of words on the console. The silence had settled in like frost on a winter window, creeping into every corner of his world.
The ship's rhythm, once a monotonous hum of life support and engine purrs, now amplified the emptiness the soft whoosh of air recyclers, the occasional ping of telemetry data scrolling unread across screens, the weightless drift of a stray protein bar wrapper orbiting his bunk like a mocking satellite.
He sat there in the dim glow of the lab module, the lights casting long, ethereal shadows that danced across the grated floors and bulkheads, turning the cramped space into a cavern of solitude.
Isolation wasn't new; it was the mission's cruel companion but this felt sharper, like a blade honed by that brief spark of connection. He tugged at the elastic waistband of his boxers, the fabric worn thin from endless lounging, and let his body curl slightly in the work chair.
His mind wandered back to you, unbidden, piecing together fragments from the ether a software whiz, algae models and astrophage trackers, that easy laugh in text form.
What did you look like? He pictured hair tied back in a hasty ponytail, eyes bright with late night caffeine highs, maybe freckles dusting a nose buried in code. Or worse, the cynical voice in his head chimed some basement dwelling troll, all greasy bangs and conspiracy posters, typing from a lair of empty energy drink cans. He snorted softly, the sound echoing hollowly, a coarse chuckle that didn't quite reach his eyes. Rubbing a hand over his face, stubble rasping like sandpaper.
He wished you'd ping again, that green cursor blinking like a heartbeat in the dark. But reaching out? Nah, too clingy for a guy who'd just admitted his crew was ghosts. He drifted through questions in his mind, rehearsing them like a nervous kid prepping for a date. What's your favorite constellation? Ever wonder if algae dreams of the stars? Keep it light, don't scare you off with the void's weight.
The console hummed nearby, its green interface a siren call, tempting him to poke at the code, see if he could nudge the signal stronger. And then, like a comet streaking through fogged thoughts, the idea ignited video.
Why settle for pixels when he could bridge the gap with faces, voices? A simple upgrade to the relay tweaks the bandwidth, patching the vulnerability you'd exploited. See you for real, catch those eyes he'd imagined, maybe even share a real laugh that echoed beyond text. His pulse quickened at the notion, a warm flush creeping up his neck despite the ship's steady 20 degree chill.
As the fantasy sharpened, what if you had a smile that lit up like a supernova, soft curves under oversized hoodies, fingers nimble on keys and maybe elsewhere? his hand drifted lower, almost unconsciously. The thin cotton of his boxers tented slightly under the growing ache, and he palmed himself through the fabric, a slow, deliberate pressure that sent a shiver racing up his spine.
Space made everything feel amplified, his body responded with a lazy heat, blood rushing southward in the weightless drift. He bit back a groan, eyes fluttering shut as he imagined your voice, breathy and curious, asking about his day among the stars. God, he was pathetic forty something astronaut, science teacher turned savior, reduced to this by a hacker's hello.
Felt like a virgin fumbling in the dark, heart hammering over the first girl who'd tossed him a line. His strokes grew firmer, thumb circling the outline of his hardening length, the friction building a low burn that contrasted the cool air whispering over his skin.
Crazy over text from a stranger light years away might as well launch himself into a black hole, let the event horizon swallow the embarrassment. But the desire coiled tighter, tender and raw, mingling loneliness with a spark of something deeper, a yearning for connection that went beyond code. He slowed his hand, breathing ragged in the quiet, the ship's hum a distant lullaby as he floated there, suspended between isolation and impossible want.
The third day dawned or what passed for dawn in the eternal night of the Hail Mary's orbit with him hunched over the workbench in the engineering bay, the faint buzz of soldering iron filling the air like a persistent whisper.
His fingers, callused from years of jury rigging prototypes back on Earth, danced with delicate precision over the circuit board, tweaking the final relays for the video patch. The labs module's lights cast long shadows across the exposed wiring, glinting off the half assembled comms array that sprawled like a mechanical spider on the console.
Sweat beaded on his forehead despite the controlled chill, the recycled air carrying a sharp tang of flux and overheated silicon. He'd barely slept, mind replaying your last message. A lot like a loop of forbidden code, warm and insistent in the cold void.
Every solder joint felt like a step closer to bridging the impossible distance, to seeing the curve of your smile or the way your eyes might light up mid sentence. The ship hummed around him, a symphony of soft whirs and distant vents, but his world had narrowed to this the glow of the oscilloscope, the flicker of test signals bouncing back green. A weight pressing on his chest like unspent thrust, but you? You were the variable that disrupted the equations, turning isolation into something almost bearable.
The console chimed then, a sharp trill that cut through the haze, and his head snapped up so fast he nearly tangled in the tethers. His heart kicked like a thruster firing cold, a rush of adrenaline flooding his veins hot. The screen bloomed with your words.
“Sorry been busy with classes.”
A grin split his face, wide and unguarded, the kind that pulled at muscles he'd forgotten how to use. Happiness bloomed in his chest, fierce and unbidden, chasing away the shadows that had crept in during the wait.
Three days seventy two hours of staring at blank screens, replaying old logs, wondering if the connection had frayed like a worn tether. But here you were, slipping back into his digital orbit as if the gulf between worlds was just a skipped coffee break. He floated there for a beat, weightless in more ways than one, the soldering iron cooling forgotten in his grip. God, it felt good. Like the first breath after holding it too long, or the sun breaking through the milky ways hazy atmosphere in his wildest mission dreams.
He didn't type right away, letting the moment settle, his fingers drumming a silent rhythm on the console's edge. Jealousy flickered at the edges of that joy, a petty spark he shoved down quick classes? Professors droning on about algorithms while you hunched over notebooks, surrounded by chatter and the scent of chalk dust? It twisted something in him, imagining your attention pulled away, scattered among strangers who couldn't possibly understand the fire you'd accidentally ignited across the stars. Like I'm not the highlight reel here, he thought, the words bitter on his tongue even unspoken. What if those lectures swallowed you whole, left him adrift again in this tin can, just another blip on a forgotten feed?
But then the flip side hit, softening the edge those same classes, that relentless grind of sims and data dives, were the very glitch that had beamed you into his life. Your project, your midnight tweaks chasing astrophage hints through satellite streams, had cracked open his ship's firewalls like a serendipitous wormhole. Without it, he'd be alone with the ramen packets and the endless starfield, no witty barbs to pierce the quiet, no voice (text bound, sure, but alive) to remind him he wasn't erased from the universe. Gratitude tangled with the envy, turning it into something almost tender, a quiet acknowledgment that fate had a wry sense of humor.
Shaking off the tangle, he leaned forward, the prototype's final test light winking affirmatively beside him.
“No worries, classes sound like a solid alibi. Mine involved dodging cosmic rays and arguing with a finicky antenna. How'd yours go? Any breakthroughs that rival hacking a spaceship?”
He hit enter, the words laced with that dry lilt he hoped carried his relief, masking the way his pulse still thrummed from your return. The engineering bay felt less claustrophobic now, the air warmer against his skin, as if your message had nudged the life support up a notch.
Back in the bedroom, the afternoon sun slanted through half drawn blinds, dusting your desk in golden motes that danced over the scattered printouts and cooling mug of tea. The lecture hall's echo still lingered in your ears, the professor's voice droning on vector calculus, your mind half there, half wandering to the man soldering away in silence.
Guilt had nipped at you all morning, a persistent itch amid the rustle of notebooks and the faint hum of the overhead projector. You'd checked your phone a dozen times during breaks, thumb hovering over the app that bridged your worlds, but classes had chained you down group discussions on energy models, a pop quiz that demanded focus you could barely muster.
Now, free at last, the weight lifted as you watched his reply pop up, that familiar humor wrapping around the screen like a comforting arm. A soft laugh escaped you, easing the tension in your shoulders, the room's clutter textbooks piled like fallen stars, a forgotten hoodie draped over the chair fading into the background.
“Breakthroughs? Nah, just survived a debate on quantum entanglement without dozing off. Your antenna drama sounds way more exciting. Jealous of the stars yet?”
His chuckle rumbled low in the module, vibrating through the bulkhead as he read it, the prototype humming to life beside him with a series of affirming beeps. Jealous? Of the stars? He was jealous of the desk that got to feel your elbows propped on it, the air that carried your sighs. But he kept it light, fingers flying.
“Stars are overrated, cold and distant. I made something. A prototype. Video feed's primed. Hoping to bridge the faceless words, want to try?”
Your breath hitched, the sun warming your cheeks as you stared at the words, anticipation coiling slow and sweet in your belly. The room felt smaller, more alive, the distant murmur of campus life outside your window a faint underscore to the pull toward him.
“Show me the cosmos, Ryland.”
The feed flickered to life with a hesitant shimmer, the hue blooming across your laptop screen like the first tentative strokes of dawn on a frost kissed windowpane. Pixels danced and settled, resolving your image into crystalline clarity against the cluttered sanctuary of your room the walls a patchwork of faded posters constellations mapped in marker ink, band logos peeling at the corners from the relentless humidity of late nights and the soft, diffused glow of a desk lamp casting elongated shadows that played across the rumpled sheets of your unmade bed.
The air in your space hung heavy with the mingled scents of instant noodles cooling in a bowl nearby, the faint citrus tang of your shampoo lingering from an earlier shower, and the earthy scent of rain soaked soil drifting in through the cracked window, where the dying sun painted the horizon in strokes of molten orange and bruised violet. In this pocket of solitude, the world contracted to the intimate glow of the screen, your reflection staring back with wide eyes framed by tousled hair, catching the light like threads of spun copper.
He felt the ship's systems hum beneath him like a living entity, the steady vibration of the life support recyclers thrumming through the deck plating and into his bones, a constant reminder of the fragile bubble separating him from the indifferent vacuum beyond the reinforced viewports.
The console before him bathed his face in cool blue light, etching sharp contrasts along the rugged lines of his features. The faint stubble shadowing his jaw a little more darker, the creases at the corners of his eyes deepened by years of squinting into telescopes and troubleshooting engines under the relentless sun. He was older than you'd imagined, not the boyish hero of news reels, but a man weathered by time and trials, his frame solid and unyielding in the confines of the harness that kept him anchored amid the weightless drift. The white 'Horse Shoe Bend Auto Club' shirt, a relic from his pre mission days, stretched across his chest, the fabric softened by countless cycles through a washing machine, its faded lettering a testament to simpler times spent wrenching on carburetors and swapping stories over cold beers. It clung to him in the recycled air, hinting at the breadth of his shoulders, the subtle play of tendons in his neck as he swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing with the force of the moment.
You were taken aback, your breath hitching in your throat as his image sharpened the way his messy hair, threaded with silver at the temples, curled slightly at the ends from the humidity controls fighting a losing battle against his natural waves. He looked at you not with the polished detachment of a broadcast interview, but with raw, unguarded surprise, his blue eyes framed with gold from his glasses like distant stars widening as they traced the soft contours of your face, the gentle slope of your shoulders beneath the oversized hoodie that swallowed you whole.
You wondered, in that electric instant, if the age between you registered for him as a chasm or a curiosity if a man who'd stared down the apocalypse could find something stirring in the fresh bloom of your youth, the unscarred optimism that still clung to you like morning dew. The thought sent a flush creeping up your neck, warm and insistent, making you shift in your chair, the wooden legs scraping softly against the linoleum floor, a sound swallowed by the sudden roar of your pulse in your ears.
He, too, reeled from the impact, his hand tightening on the armrest until the synthetic leather creaked under his grip. The void outside the porthole seemed to press closer, the starfield a glittering abyss that paled against the warmth radiating from your pixelated form. He'd pictured you in fragments during the text exchanges, clever fingers flying over keys, a mind sharp as a laser probe but this? This was visceral, the way your lips parted slightly in surprise, the faint blush that ghosted your cheeks when you smiled tentatively, the subtle rise and fall of your chest mirroring his own quickened breaths. Desire flickered low in his gut, unbidden and fierce, tempered by the tenderness of seeing you real, human, alive in a way the sterile confines of his ship had begun to erode. The air recyclers whispered on, circulating the faint metallic tang of the cabin, but it couldn't dispel the heat building between you, a tension coiling like a spring in the ether.
“Oh. Wow.” He breathed, blinking rapidly, like each blink took a photo of you. The words escaping in a gravelly rush, roughened by disuse and the dry swallow of recycled oxygen, carrying across the universe with a vulnerability that made your skin prickle. “I didn’t expect you to be pretty.” His voice wrapped around the admission like smoke from a dying fire, warm and hazy, laced with that understated awe that made your heart clench.
The connection stuttered then, a cascade of digital interference fracturing the feed into a mosaic of static snow, your image dissolving into abstract bursts of color before reforming with a reluctant snap. The interruption amplified the intimacy, leaving his confession to reverberate in the suspended silence, the air in your room thickening as if the very atmosphere held its breath. Your fingers dug into the edge of the desk, nails biting into the scarred wood, as a laugh bubbled up nervously, disbelieving to bridge the gap.
“What?” you managed, the single word laced with a breathy edge, your eyes searching his through the renewed clarity, the flush deepening to a bloom across your cheeks and neck.
He chuckled, a low, rumbling sound that vibrated through the speakers like distant thunder rolling over parched earth, his free hand rising to scrub at the back of his neck in a gesture so endearingly human it tugged at something deep within you. The motion pulled the shirt taut across his torso, outlining the steady strength beneath, and when his gaze returned to yours, it carried a spark of that wry humor, a deflection wrapped in genuine warmth that eased the raw edge without extinguishing the spark.
“You know,” His tone dipping into a conspiratorial murmur, as if sharing a secret in the hush of a crowded room, “You never told me your name.” The question hung there, simple yet profound, a thread pulling you closer across the cosmic divide.
You offered it up then, your name spilling from your lips in a soft cadence, the vowels rounding with the subtle inflection of your voice, carrying the everyday rhythm of late night confessions and half remembered dreams. It felt intimate, exposing, like baring the curve of your collarbone in the dim light.
He repeated it slowly, almost reverently, the syllables tumbling over his tongue as if testing their weight, savoring the shape of them like a rare melody plucked from the silence of space. His head tilted in a languid nod, the console lights catching the faint sheen of sweat at his hairline, and his eyes softened, crinkling at the edges with a smile that reached deep. “I like that name.” The words a gentle caress, evoking the imagined brush of callused fingers along your jaw, steady and unhurried.
“Thanks?” The confusion lifting at the end in a playful lilt, but your gaze betrayed the undercurrent the way it lingered on the faint laugh lines framing his mouth, the silver strands that only amplified his appeal, transforming him from a distant icon into a man of tangible depth, worlds removed from the tentative explorations of your past entanglements.
The sun outside your window surrendered fully now, its final rays bleeding into the deepening twilight, the sky shifting from fiery amber to a velvet indigo laced with the first hesitant stars. The room cooled gradually, the air carrying the crisp bite of evening, mingling with the faint vanilla from a forgotten candle on your shelf, as campus lights winked on like fireflies awakening in the gathering dusk. Your world funneled to him. The subtle shift of his harness as he leaned forward, the way his breath fogged the camera lens ever so slightly before the filters cleared it, syncing with your own in a rhythm that pulsed with unspoken invitation.
From that precipice, the conversation unfurled like a solar sail catching the wind effortless, expansive, delving into the marrow of your existences with a hunger born of isolation. You wove tales of Earth's chaotic tapestry. The symphony of rain pattering on awning metal during unexpected downpours, the electric buzz of a lecture hall alive with the scratch of pens and the mumble of half formed ideas, the quiet triumph of debugging code until the screen bloomed with success, lines of green text like verdant fields after drought.
He reciprocated with the stark poetry of the cosmos the silken whisper of astrophage samples swirling in zero g containment, the bitter edge of ramen chased with the synthetic tang of rationed fruit, the profound stillness broken only by the occasional ping of incoming data, a lifeline to a world he'd left behind. Laughter threaded through the exchange, dry and effervescent. Your anecdote about a professor whose monotone rivaled the ship's autopilot drawing a bark of genuine mirth from him, his recounting of a toolkit revolt in microgravity tools orbiting like mischievous satellites prompting your unrestrained peal that echoed in the empty module, warming the chill metal walls.
Tension simmered beneath the surface, a slow building heat that manifested in stolen glances held too long. The arc of your neck as you tilted your head in thought, exposed and inviting; the flex of his forearm as he adjusted a dial absentmindedly, veins standing in stark relief against skin.
Pauses stretched, laden with potential the brush of your fingertips near the keyboard, echoing the hover of his over the console, as if proximity could transmute into touch, dissolving the barriers of light speed lag and impenetrable hulls.
Chemistry crackled in the ether, electric and undeniable, each shared vulnerability a spark igniting the fuse. His quiet admission of doubting his heroism, your confession of nights spent staring at ceilings, wondering if ambition was just another form of running.
Midnight encroached on silken feet, the sun's embers long extinguished, leaving the sky outside a profound black pricked with constellations that seemed to lean in, eavesdropping on your unraveling. Your room transformed into a cocoon of shadows, the laptop's glow the sole beacon, illuminating the faint freckles across your nose, the way your eyelids grew heavy yet reluctant to close.
The air grew thicker, laced with the subtle musk of your skin warmed by the screen's radiation, the tick of the wall clock a metronome to your deepening bond. You'd peeled back layers in those stolen hours his boyhood dreams of racing across open deserts, soured by the weight of global salvation; your tangled fears of mediocrity in a field of giants, the ache of empty weekends in a city that pulsed without you.
It was as if you'd mapped each other's constellations, the scars of old heartbreaks, the north stars of unspoken hopes, etched into the digital stream with a precision that felt fated.
“I wish I would’ve met you sooner,” Your words emerging raw and unarmored, threading through the speakers like a fragile comet's tail, curling around him in the frigid expanse of his cabin. The confession bore the sting of regret, the moon's pallid light now slipping through your blinds in silvery ribbons, tracing cool paths along your arms and the curve of your exposed wrist.
His face shadowed subtly, the overhead lights carving hollows beneath his cheekbones, his expression a mosaic of longing and restraint. He shifted in his seat, drawing your eye to the steady rise of his chest.
Leaning closer, his gaze ensnared yours with an intensity that made the air between screens hum with latent energy, a magnetic pull defying the physics of distance. “No you don’t,” He countered, shaking his head, his voice a velvet rumble, firm yet laced with that self effacing wit that masked deeper truths. “I was a loser on Earth. Still am now, but a cool loser since not everyone goes to space.” The joke landed with feather light grace, a humorous veil over the vulnerability, but his eyes, those storm tossed seas reflecting the infinite black held fast, the chemistry between you igniting like a flare in the void, drawing you inexorably nearer.
The question rose unbidden, heavy as the gathering night, your voice fracturing on its edges like thin ice underfoot. “Are you ever coming back?” It lingered in the midnight hush, the laptop's fan whirring a frantic dirge, the battery icon pulsing crimson in accusation, the raw plea etched in the lines of your face, the parted lips, the wide eyed hope warring with dread.
Silence bloomed, profound and eloquent, his jaw clenching with a faint tic of muscle, the unspoken verdict settling like cosmic dust in the wake of a supernova, no, not in the way that mattered, the mission's inexorable tide pulling him further into the dark.
His hand ascended slowly, deliberately, palm pressing against the lab tables unyielding surface in a mirror to your own gesture, fingers splaying wide as if to bridge the gulf, to feel the phantom warmth of your skin. The yearning in that motion was palpable, a tender ache that twisted toward something fiercer, more primal the imagined press of bodies, breaths mingling in shared orbit.
Then the feed rebelled, pixels splintering into chaotic fractals, the audio distorting into a mournful keen as the power reserves faltered. “Wait!” Lunging forward, but darkness claimed the screen in an abrupt quench, the room plunging into inky repose broken only by the faint glow of your phone on the nightstand.
The laptop's chassis radiated a dying warmth against your thighs, the absence of his voice a visceral void, like the sudden chill of winter wind stripping away summer's embrace. You remained frozen, gaze fixed on the blank void, the echo of his timbre haunting the shadows, your chest tight with the bloom of an infatuation both foolish and fervent a crush on a specter glimpsed in fleeting frames, his rough hewn allure and quiet strength stirring yearnings you'd scarcely named.
Childish, the doubt whispered, curling in your gut like smoke; he'd never cross that threshold, never trace the lines of your form with hands that knew the spin of wrenches and the spin of fate. Did he harbor the same shadowed interest, that blend of carnal pull and soul deep affinity? The uncertainty gnawed, sharp as asteroid grit, yet beneath it flickered defiance. Miracles unfolded daily in this universe, worlds saved from invisible foes, signals piercing the black. Why not yours?
The night enveloped you, stars indifferent sentinels beyond the glass, but in the quiet aftermath, you savored the residue, the flavor of your name on his lips, the tether of connection enduring like a persistent signal in the cosmic noise.
Your eyelids fluttered open to the insistent trill of your alarm, a synthetic birdsong the faint scent of brewing coffee wafting under the door like a promise of normalcy. But normalcy felt fractured, your mind still adrift in the echo of his voice, that gravelly timbre wrapping around your name like a secret shared in the hush of predawn. The laptop sat dormant on your desk, its screen a blank mirror reflecting the disarray, scattered notes on astrophage trajectories, an empty mug ringed with the dregs of yesterday's tea, and the faint outline of your handprint on the edge where you'd gripped it too tightly during the feed's final sputter.
You pushed yourself up, the mattress creaking under your weight, sheets tangling around your legs like reluctant lovers. A glance at the clock confirmed the inevitable. Class in under an hour, and the gnawing realization hit like a rogue asteroid. Your project submission, the predictive model for satellite data integration, was due at the start of lecture.
Panic bloomed in your chest, sharp and cold, mingling with the stale air of the room, heavy with the remnants of unwashed laundry piled in the corner. You'd been so consumed by the digital tether to him, those hours dissolving into a haze of laughter and confessions, that the real world had blurred at the edges. No model rendered, no simulations run just the ghost of his smile lingering in your thoughts, the way his eyes had crinkled with that wry amusement, pulling you deeper into an orbit you couldn't escape.
The campus unfolded around you in a symphony of routine as you hurried across the groups, backpack slung over one shoulder, the crisp air nipping at your exposed skin and carrying the earthy perfume of fallen leaves crunching underfoot. Students clustered in animated knots, steam rising from paper cups clutched against the chill, their voices a babel of exam woes and weekend plans that felt worlds away from the cosmic intimacy you'd tasted. Your breath came in visible puffs, syncing with the quickened beat of your heart, each step a reminder of the secret humming beneath your surface like a hidden engine, propelling you forward while whispering of distances unbridgeable.
The lecture hall loomed at the end of the engineering building, its brutalist concrete facade softened by ivy creeping up the walls in defiant green tendrils. Inside, the air hummed with the low buzz of fluorescent lights and the shuffle of bodies settling into tiered seats, the scent of chalk dust and overheated electronics thickening the atmosphere.
You slipped into your usual spot near the front, the worn armrest cool against your palm, but before you could even unzip your bag, a shadow fell across your desk. Professor Hale was tall and angular, with wire rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of his nose and a perpetual furrow etched between his brows hovered there, his tweed jacket shedding faint motes of lint like stars from a disintegrating galaxy.
"A word?" His voice was measured, carrying the quiet authority of someone who'd mentored prodigies and watched them falter. He gestured toward the side aisle, away from the gathering crowd, and you rose on numb legs, the scrape of your chair echoing like an accusation in the relative quiet.
The hallway beyond the doors was a narrow vein of linoleum, fluorescent strips overhead casting a sterile glow that washed out the colors of your shirt, making the world feel two dimensional. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed, the fabric of his sleeves whispering against the cinderblock as he fixed you with a gaze that probed without malice, curious, concerned, laced with the disappointment of unmet expectations.
"You've always been one of my sharpest," Tone even, like the steady drip of a faucet in an empty room. The words landed softly, but they stirred the knot in your stomach, twisting it tighter. The narrow window, a pigeon fluttered against the glass, its wings a frantic blur before it veered away into the gray sky.
"Your work on the energy harnessing algorithms last semester? Brilliant. Predictive models that anticipated variables the rest of the class hadn't even touched. So, when I didn't see your submission this morning well, it's unlike you. Everything alright? Personal issues? Overloaded schedule?"
Heat crept up your neck, not from shame but from the proximity of the truth you'd buried deep the nights blurred into one endless conversation, Ryland's dorky jokes cutting through your isolation like a laser through fog, his confessions drawing out your own in a vulnerable dance that left you breathless. You could picture him now, adrift in the Hail Mary's confines, perhaps staring at his own console, wondering if the silence meant you'd drifted away. The thought sent a pang through you, sharp as the chill seeping from the floor tiles, but admitting it? To spill the secret of a man light years distant, a hero whose solitude mirrored your own in ways that felt fated? No, that was a bridge too far, a vulnerability that could unravel everything.
You swallowed, forcing a smile that felt brittle at the edges, your fingers twisting the strap of your backpack until the nylon bit into your skin. "Just... got caught up in some tweaks," The lie slipping out smooth as recycled oxygen, laced with just enough technical jargon to ring true. “The satellite data feeds were glitchier than expected astrophage interference patterns throwing off the baselines. I was iterating on a workaround late into the night, and time slipped away."
Hale’s eyes narrowed slightly, the lines around them deepening like craters under scrutiny, but he nodded, the gesture slow and appraising. The hallway echoed with the distant murmur of the lecture beginning without you, voices rising in a crescendo of rustling papers and the professor's opening remarks filtering through the door like muffled thunder. "I get it, passion projects can eclipse deadlines. But talent like yours doesn't excuse sloppiness. Mock something up by the end of the day? A variant model, perhaps? Focus on the core outputs energy yield projections, tracking efficacy. No need for the full integration if you're still refining. Just show me you're still in the game."
Relief washed over you, cool and fleeting, as he clapped a hand on your shoulder firm, paternal, the warmth of his palm seeping through your hoodie like a brief anchor to the tangible world. "Don't let it slide again," his voice dropping to a conspiratorial rumble, the faintest hint of a smile cracking his stern facade. "The field's cutthroat enough without self sabotage."
He turned then, the door swinging open with a hydraulic sigh, admitting a gust of warmer air scented with dry erase markers and the faint mechanical smell of projectors.
You lingered in the hallway a beat longer, the cool wall pressing against your back, grounding you as your mind raced ahead. A mock up simple enough. Pivot to a terrestrial simulation, repurpose public datasets on solar flares and algal blooms, fabricate the outputs to mirror the required details without dipping into the live feeds that had led you to him.
No risk of pinging Ryland's systems, no accidental breach that could sever the fragile thread between you. The harm in secrecy? None, you told yourself, the words a mantra against the flutter in your chest. It was yours a private constellation, unmarred by scrutiny or protocol. Professors pried into code, not hearts; they mapped algorithms, not the quiet ache of longing for a voice across the void.
Back in your seat, the lecture blurred into a haze of equations scrawled on the board, chalk dust swirling in the projector beam like nebulae birthing stars. Your notebook filled with sketches, but beneath it all simmered the undercurrent the memory of his laugh, low and rumbling, evoking the imagined brush of his fingers along your arm, steady and unhurried.
By afternoon, in the dim glow of the computer lab keyboards clacking, the air humming with the whir of cooling fans you pieced together the facade. Lines of code flowed under your fingertips, elegant and deceptive, yielding graphs of projected efficiencies that danced on the screen in vibrant blues and greens, echoing the real without invoking it.
As the sun dipped low, casting long shadows across the quad through the lab's windows, you hit submit, the confirmation chime a hollow victory. No mention of the man who'd stolen your focus, his image flickering in your mind's eye the silver at his temples catching the console light, the subtle strength in his jaw as he leaned into the camera, eyes holding yours with a gravity that defied energy. The secret nestled safe, a warm ember against the encroaching dusk, promising more stolen moments in the quiet hours when the world slept and the stars aligned just for you.
The door to your apartment clicked shut behind you with a soft, definitive thud, sealing out the clamor of the evening campus, the distant laughter of students spilling, the rustle of wind through skeletal oaks, and the faint, acrid tang of exhaust from the shuttle bus rumbling away.
Your backpack hit the floor with a muffled thump, keys jangling as they followed, and you exhaled, the tension of the day uncoiling like a spring finally released. The room enveloped you in its familiar hush the faint hum of the fridge in the corner, the subtle creak of floorboards settling under your weight, and the lingering scent of vanilla from the candle you'd burned last night, now a waxy stub on the windowsill.
Twilight bled into indigo, streetlamps flickering to life like hesitant stars, casting elongated shadows across the rumpled bed where your thoughts had wandered all day back to him, to the gravel in his voice, the way his presence filled the screen like a gravitational pull you couldn't resist.
You sank onto the edge of the mattress, the springs sighing in protest, and fired up the laptop with fingers that trembled just slightly from the anticipation. The screen bloomed to life, its glow warming your face in the dimming room, and you initiated the call without a second thought.
All day, through the drone of lectures and the frantic tap of keys in the lab, he'd been a constant undercurrent a stolen glance at your phone during break, imagining his wry smile; the brush of your thigh against the desk as you pictured his hand there instead, steady and warm.
The connection stabilized with a familiar chime, pixels resolving into the confines of the ship that stark, utilitarian cockpit bathed in the soft light of control panels, the hum a perpetual whisper in the background like the ship's own restless breath.
Ryland appeared, framed by the camera's unyielding eye, and your heart stuttered at the sight of him. He was slouched in his lab chair, a black I Had Potential shirt clinging to his frame in a way that spoke of too many hours in space, the fabric rumpled and faded, hugging the breadth of his shoulders and the subtle definition of his chest.
His hair was disarray, as if he'd run a hand through it one too many times, and dark stubble growing, giving him that rugged edge that made your pulse quicken. But there was something off his eyes, usually sharp with that calculated precision, darted sideways with a mix of exasperation and something almost like glee. The ship looked... different. Cluttered. Hoses and makeshift contraptions snaked across the console, and in the corner of the frame, a peculiar setup glinted under the lights a small, rocky outcrop secured in what looked like a hamster ball habitat, light reflecting against the glass panes.
“Hey.” His voice crackling through the speakers with that warm, lived in timbre that wrapped around you like a blanket fresh from the dryer. A grin tugged at his lips, but it was lopsided, edged with the absurdity of whatever chaos had unfolded. “You look like you survived the academic trenches. How's Earth treating its favorite hacker?”
You laughed, the sound bubbling up unbidden, easing the knot in your chest as you leaned closer to the screen, propping your chin on your hand. The room around you faded the glow of the laptop, the only anchor, pulling you into his world. “Barely. Classes were a blur. But you... you look like you've had one hell of a day. What's with the mad scientist vibe? And that shirt is a bold choice for a guy who's supposed to be saving the galaxy.”
He chuckled, low and rumbling, rubbing the back of his neck in that nervous way that made your stomach flip. The motion drew your eye to the flex of his forearm, veins tracing paths under skin, and you bit your lip against the warmth spreading through you. “Oh, this old thing? Figured it was fitting. Also my irrational fear happened.” He paused for effect, his gaze locking onto yours through the feed, that spark of shared mischief igniting something deeper, a quiet thrill that hummed between you like static electricity. “Turns out, I'm not alone up here anymore. Meet Rocky.”
He shifted the camera with a casual swivel, angling it toward the habitat. There, in the lab, was... a rock. Not just any rock an alien, Erid spawned entity, its surface etched with faint, iridescent patterns that caught the light like bioluminescent veins. If you squinted, you could almost swear it pulsed with a subtle rhythm, alive in its foreign simplicity.
Ryland's voice dropped to a mock serious tone, laced with that dry humor that always pulled a smile from you. “Rocky, this is... well, my friend from Earth. The one who's been keeping me from going crazy.”
A series of clicks and chirps emanated from the speakers of Rocky's communication, translated in real time by whatever kludged software Ryland had whipped up. The rock bobbed slightly, as if nodding, and the audio rendered it into a gravelly, synthesized voice that sounded suspiciously like a chain smoker who'd seen better days. “Friend? From Earth? Is girlfriend?”
Ryland froze, his face flushing a shade that clashed hilariously with the black shirt, eyes widening like he'd been caught with his hand in the astrophage jar. He coughed, straightening up abruptly, the chair creaking under him as he fumbled for words. “Whoa, hey, no Rocky, buddy, pump the brakes. She's a friend. A colleague, even. You know, the kind who hacks into spaceships and saves lonely astronauts from themselves.”
His gaze flicked back to you, apologetic but twinkling with embarrassment, and the awkwardness only amplified the charm the way his ears pinked at the tips, the quick rake of fingers through his hair. It was cute, so much so that pierced the cosmic divide, making your chest ache with affection.
You couldn't help the giggle that escaped, covering your mouth as heat bloomed in your cheeks, mirroring his. The compatibility hit you then, sharp and sweet. His fumbling honesty bouncing off your easy laughter, weaving a thread that felt unbreakable despite the void. “Girlfriend, huh? Rocky's got better intuition than NASA, apparently.” Your voice teased, light and playful, but underneath thrummed the truth the pull toward him growing with every shared absurdity, every glance that lingered a beat too long.
Ryland groaned, but it dissolved into a laugh, genuine and freeing, his shoulders shaking as he leaned back, the tension easing from his frame. “Ignore him. Rocky's new to Earth lingo thinks every conversation's a rom com plot. But seriously, today's been a trip. Woke up to him commandeering the ship, rerouting power like he owns the place. Took over the entire vessel before I could even eat my ramen.” He gestured vaguely at the habitat, where Rocky emitted a series of smug chirps. “Rocky efficient. Human slow.” Ryland shot it a mock glare. “See? Cocky little gravel pit. But he's brilliant figured out astrophage tweaks I hadn't even dreamed of. Saved my ass, really.”
The way he talked about it, animated and alive, eyes lighting up as he described the chaos, the sparks from overloaded circuits, the frantic rigging in the dim glow of emergency lights drew you in deeper. You could picture him in that shirt, brow furrowed in concentration, a bead of sweat tracing down his temple. The image stirred something tender and heated, a slow simmer of desire tempered by the genuine spark of his mind, so like yours in its relentless curiosity. “Sounds like you've got a companion now. I’m jealous, my day's highlight was faking a model to cover for forgetting my homework because someone kept me up too late last night.” Your words carried a flirtatious hint, testing the waters, and his responding grin slowly, knowing sent a shiver down your spine.
“Guilty as charged.” Voice dropping an octave, the awkwardness from moments ago forgotten in the warmth of your rhythm. Rocky chirped again, oblivious, but neither of you paid it mind. In that suspended moment, with the ship's hum syncing to the quiet rhythm of your breaths, the distance felt illusory.
The glitch in the feed was a fleeting hiccup, a momentary stutter in the digital tether that bound you across the cosmos, but it served only to heighten the reluctance threading through Ryland's voice. He reached out instinctively, his fingers brushing the console as if he could steady the connection with sheer will. “Come on, don't bail on us now.” The words half to the screen, half to the indifferent machinery. The image sharpened again, your face reappearing in the warm lamplight of your dorm, eyes bright with amusement at his plea.
You tilted your head, a playful smirk tugging at your lips, the loose strands of your hair catching the light like threads of starlight. “Us? Already a package deal with the rock? I feel honored.” The words carried a teasing jest, and Ryland's flush deepened, but he recovered with a grin, the kind that crinkled the fine lines around his eyes and made the isolation of his ship feel a touch less vast.
Rocky's enclosure hummed to life in the background, the bioluminescent glow intensifying as if the alien were leaning in, his translated voice rumbling through the speakers with that gravelly edge part curiosity, part mischief. “Package? Like cargo? Humans bundle everything. Girlfriend cargo?” The question landed like a well timed asteroid, blunt and unfiltered, and Ryland's head snapped toward the shelf, his expression a mix of exasperation and reluctant fondness.
“Rocky!“ He pinched the bridge of his nose, walking and putting a foot against the bulkhead. The motion pulled his shirt taut across his shoulders, a subtle reminder of the body beneath the fabric, honed by necessity in this confined world.
You couldn't help the bubble of laughter that escaped, covering your mouth with one hand as your shoulders shook. The sound echoed softly in your room, mingling with the distant patter of rain against the windowpane, grounding you even as your pulse quickened at the easy camaraderie unfolding. “Girlfriend cargo? That's a new one. Rocky, if I'm cargo, do I get hazard pay?” You leaned forward, elbows on the desk, the sweater's soft weave brushing your arms, drawing his eyes for a fraction longer than necessary.
The rock's lights pulsed in what you imagined was delight, a series of rapid chirps translating into a dry chuckle. “Hazard? Space full hazards. But you fix code valuable cargo. Grace needs fixing too. Always bumping walls.” Ryland let out a bark of laughter, genuine and unrestrained, the sound reverberating through the feed like a warm current, chasing away the chill of the recycled air on his end.
“Those bumps are character building!” he protested, gesturing animatedly, his hands cutting through the air in exaggerated arcs. “And for the record, Rocky's the one who turned the nav console into his personal scratching post earlier. Scratched right through a diagnostic panel. I spent hours patching it while he supervised from the corner.” He shot the enclosure a sideways glance, mock accusatory, but the affection in his tone was unmistakable the way it softened at the edges, revealing the bond forged in the fire of survival.
Rocky didn't miss a beat, his response a smug vibration that the translator rendered with impeccable sarcasm. “Supervise efficient. You patch slow. Like human glue sticky mess.” You watched Ryland's face light up with indignation, his lips parting in a feigned scoff, and the sight sent a flutter through your chest, the banter pulling you deeper into their world, making the stars between you feel negotiable.
“Oh, come on, that's rich coming from the guy who glued his own sensor to the wall trying to improve the humidity levels.” You chimed in, your voice laced with mischief, drawing from the snippets Ryland had shared in texts the chaotic domesticity of sharing a ship with an extraterrestrial engineer. “What was it you called it? Optimal moisture matrix?” The reference hit its mark; Ryland's eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed in playful retaliation, a spark of delight flashing across his features.
“You been paying attention, huh?” He drifted closer to the camera, the console's glow casting shadows that accentuated the stubble along his jaw, the subtle tension in his frame as he held your gaze. “Yeah, optimal disaster is more like it. Woke up to the whole habitat smelling like a wet cave. Rocky's idea of romance, apparently.” The word romance hung for a beat, unintended weight in it, and Rocky's lights flickered curiously.
“Romance? Like human bundling? You two bundle across stars?” The rock's innocence or was it calculated? ignited another round of laughter from you, your cheeks warming under the screen's scrutiny. Ryland groaned theatrically, running a hand through his hair, tousling it further into that effortlessly disheveled state that made your fingers itch to smooth it back.
“Rocky, buddy, you're killing me here. No bundling. Just... good conversation. The kind that makes a long haul feel shorter.” His voice dipped, sincere beneath the deflection, eyes locking with yours in a way that bridged the delay, conveying the quiet truth this exchange, this trio of voices weaving through the void, was mending something in him, stitch by invisible stitch.
You nodded, the moment shifting from levity to something softer, your fingers tracing idle patterns on the desk, the wood cool and familiar under your touch. “I like the bundling theory, though. Makes the distance seem... collaborative. Like we're all in this asteroid field together.” The words carried a gentle invitation, and Ryland's expression eased, a small smile curving his mouth as he absorbed it.
Rocky, ever the opportunist, rumbled approvingly. “Collaborative good. Bundle fixes ship.” The bluntness sliced through the tenderness, eliciting a chorus of chuckles, yours bright and breathless, Ryland's low and rumbling, the harmony of it echoing in the speakers like a shared pulse.
“Alright, philosopher rock, let the humans breathe,” Ryland said, though his tone brimmed with warmth, reaching over to tap the enclosure lightly, eliciting a series of indignant clicks. “Breathing inefficient. Talking better.” But the lights dimmed slightly, Rocky retreating to his observations, leaving the space for the two of you once more.
The banter had woven a new layer of ease between you, the call stretching onward as the rain outside your window intensified, drumming a rhythmic backdrop to your words. Ryland shared more tales of Rocky's antics the time the alien had reprogrammed the alarm to blare Erid hymns at dawn, or how he'd borrowed Ryland's last protein bar, mistaking it for a geological sample. You countered with cafeteria experiments that rivaled Rocky's culinary critiques.
Through it all, the undercurrent thrummed glances that lingered on the curve of a smile, the way his voice roughened when he spoke of quieter fears, your own admissions slipping out like confessions under starlight. Rocky's occasional interjections kept the levity alive, a gravitational pull keeping the conversation from tipping too far into the profound too soon.
As the hours waned, the feed's stability faltered again, the sun cresting on your horizon and painting your room in dawn's soft hues. Ryland's face, etched with the reluctance of parting, filled the screen one last time. “This... it's better than I imagined. Don't be a stranger.”
“I won't.” You promised, the words a vow etched in the quiet spaces between. The connection faded, but the echoes of laughter, the warmth of shared absurdity, lingered a constellation of its own, guiding you both through the dark.
The following day unfolded in a haze of ordinary tedium on your end of lectures droning through the haze of a too strong coffee, the relentless tap of keys on half finished assignments, and the quiet ache of absence that settled in your chest like uninvited fog. Your room felt smaller without the glow of the screen, the rain from the night before giving way to a crisp chill that seeped through the window cracks. You checked the connection sporadically, half expecting a ping, but the void remained silent, leaving you to wonder if the stars had swallowed the fragile thread between you.
When evening finally draped its shadows over campus, you initiated the call, the familiar hum of the prototype filling the room like a heartbeat. The feed crackled to life, Ryland's face materializing in the dim light of his habitat, the white fat cat shirt clinging to the subtle contours of his frame, shadows playing across the stubble that had grown a fraction thicker. His eyes, though, carried a weariness edged with that irrepressible spark, and behind him, Rocky's enclosure pulsed with a subdued rhythm, as if the alien sensed the shift in the air.
“Hey.” A low rumble that cut through the static, pulling a relieved smile from you despite the knot of anticipation in your stomach. He leaned forward, elbows on the console, the motion drawing your gaze to the way his fingers drummed idly a habit born of confinement, you suspected. “Missed this. Been a long one.”
You settled into your chair, the worn fabric sighing under you, the lamp's warm halo framing your face as you tucked a stray lock behind your ear. “Same here. Quiet day, but... yeah. How's the chaos holding up?” The words carried a lightness you forced, but his answering grin softened the edges, making the distance feel like a mere illusion.
Ryland exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck, the gesture exposing a sliver of skin at his collar that sent an unwelcome flutter through you as it always does. “Chaos is an understatement. I... I don't know if I can keep this up with Rocky. The rock's driving me up the wall.” He glanced sideways at the enclosure, where a faint glow stirred, as if eavesdropping. “Yesterday, he decides my quarters need inspection. Bounces around well, rolls, I guess poking into every corner. Asks if it's the garbage room because it's 'a little dirty.' A little! I've got limited supplies out here, and he's treating it like a biohazard zone.”
The image painted was absurdly vivid Ryland trailing after the pebbled intruder, exasperated pleas echoing in the confined space. You bit back a laugh, but it escaped in a soft huff, your fingers twisting the hem of your sweater. “Garbage room? That's... thorough. Did he reorganize your sock drawer too?”
“Worse.” Ryland groaned, but amusement laced the sound, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “He starts questioning the whole setup. Why the mess? Why the solitude? And then get this he hits me with, “don’t understand why she talks to you. Grace ugly. She's pretty. Incompatible.'' He mimicked the translator's gravelly tone with exaggerated bluntness, his face flushing a deep crimson that spread to his ears, the color stark against the pallor of recycled air life.
Your breath caught, heat blooming in your cheeks as the words sank in Rocky's unfiltered alien logic slicing through the banter like a comet's tail. Ryland's gaze locked onto yours through the screen, vulnerable and searching, the humor fading into something rawer, more exposed. He swallowed, the line of his throat working visibly, and leaned in closer, the console's edge pressing into his forearms. “So... do you? Think I'm ugly? I mean, out here, with the beard that's more scruff than style and the ramen weight starting to show, to be honest.”
The question hung, charged and intimate, the digital lag amplifying the tension until it thrummed like a live wire. Your heart stuttered, flustered warmth flooding you as you met his eyes, those expressive blue depths that held galaxies of doubt and hope. “Definitely not,” You blurted, the words tumbling out in a rush, your voice softer than intended, laced with a sincerity that made your pulse race. You shifted, the chair creaking faintly, aware of how your free hand clenched in your lap, the fabric of your jeans rough under your nails. “You’re... far from it, Ryland. The beard suits you. Makes you look... real. Approachable. Handsome, even.” The admission slipped free, hanging between you like a shared secret, your gaze dropping briefly to your hands before lifting again, emboldened by the way his expression softened, a slow smile curving his lips.
He let out a breathy chuckle, relief etching lines of ease across his features, and turned toward the enclosure with a triumphant tilt of his chin. “You hear that, Rocky? She says definitely not. Handsome, even. Take notes, buddy Earth compliments are a thing.”
The rock's lights flared in a cascade of blues and greens, the translator kicking in with a rumbling huff that bordered on indignant. “Heard. Humans blind? Or kind? Incompatible still. Pretty talks to ugly, mystery.” Rocky's response elicited a bark of laughter from Ryland, his head tipping back, the sound rich and unrestrained, vibrating through the speakers and wrapping around you like a warm embrace. You joined in, the shared absurdity easing the flush from your skin, though the undercurrent of his gaze lingered, heavy with unspoken layers.
As the laughter ebbed, Ryland's demeanor shifted, the playfulness giving way to a quieter intensity. He straightened, drifting slightly in the low gravity, his fingers tracing the edge of the console absentmindedly. “Speaking of mysteries... I've been turning this over in my head. Your hypothesis the pathlink tweaks, the algae models. Why haven't you handed it off to the government? They could run with it, get teams on it. You're onto something big here.” His tone was gentle, probing without pressure, eyes steady on yours, reflecting the soft glow of his instruments like distant stars.
You hesitated, the room's quiet amplifying the weight of the moment the distant hum of campus life outside your window a faint counterpoint to the vast silence of space. Leaning forward, you felt the cool air brush your skin, grounding you as you met his concern head on. “I don't trust them, Ryland. Not fully. They've got their agendas, their protocols, and... what if it gets buried? Or twisted? You've seen how they operate from up close.” The words carried the bitterness of late night doubts, your fingers interlacing on the desk, knuckles whitening briefly.
He nodded slowly, the motion thoughtful, his brow furrowing in that way that made you want to reach through the screen and smooth it away. “Yeah... I get that. More than you'd think. They sent me out here as the Hail Mary, literally. But even if you did give them the pathlink, it wouldn't change much for me. I'm still drifting, still the one who has to implement it. No one's on Earth gonna bridge this gap like I can no matter how many instructions I beam down. It's me or... nothing.” His voice dipped, laced with the quiet resignation of his reality, but there was a flicker of gratitude in his eyes, as if your reluctance mirrored his own isolation, binding you tighter.
The admission settled between you, tender and profound, the banter's levity yielding to this deeper accord. Rocky's enclosure hummed softly in the background, a silent witness, as Ryland's gaze held yours, the connection pulsing with a warmth that defied the cold void. “Thanks for... seeing it that way. Makes me feel less like a ghost out here.”
You smiled, small but genuine, the tension uncoiling into something softer, more enduring. “You’re not a ghost to me. Never were.” The words bridged the lag, a promise woven into the stars, as the call stretched on, the trio's voices human and alien intertwining in the quiet dance of shared truths before the connection cuts out.
The days had woven themselves into a tapestry of quiet longing since your last exchange, each hour on Earth pulling at the threads of your routine like the inexorable tug of gravity. Midterms loomed like distant storm clouds, your room a sanctuary of scattered notes and the faint scent of cooling rain seeping through the cracked window.
The prototype device hummed softly on your desk, its screen a dormant portal, but your thoughts drifted ceaselessly to the void beyond, to him adrift in the endless black, his voice a ghost that lingered in the spaces between your breaths. When the moment came to reconnect, your fingers moved with a deliberate grace over the keys, the connection blooming to life with a chime that resonated like a heartbeat, syncing yours to the rhythm of the stars.
The image sharpened into focus, revealing the cockpit's intimate confines the subtle glow of consoles casting shadows across metallic surfaces, the air recycler's whisper a constant undercurrent, carrying the faint, metallic tang that you imagined clung to his skin. Ryland filled the frame, and the sight of him stirred something deep and visceral within you a slow uncoiling of warmth that spread from your chest outward, tingling along your limbs. He wore that shirt, the one with that’s red and has Element of Surprise scripted in bold letters across his chest, the fabric a soft, worn cotton that molded to the contours of his torso, hinting at the lean strength beneath from months of solitary labor. Sleeves exposed the subtle flex of forearms etched with faint scars from tinkering, and his hair, in that effortlessly disheveled way, caught the light like burnished gold. lips that curved into a smile as his blue eyes met yours through the feed, holding there with an intensity that made the digital divide feel paper thin, charged with unspoken promises.
“Hey.” He greets as always he leaned forward slightly, the console's edge pressing into his palms, knuckles whitening just enough to draw your gaze, and the way his eyes traced your face lingering on the curve of your cheek built a tension that hummed in the air between you. “Missed that face. Space is not the same without my favorite hacker keeping me on my toes.”
You shifted in your chair, the fabric of your sweater whispering against your skin as you drew your knees up, the room's soft lamplight painting golden highlights across your collarbone. A flush crept up your neck, warm and insistent, under the weight of his regard, and you let your fingers toy with the hem of your sleeve, a small anchor against the pull of his presence. “Its been quiet without your chaos. Classes are devouring me, but... I've been counting the stars, wondering about you.” Your words carried a softness, laced with the vulnerability that had grown between you, and you watched the way his expression shifted eyes darkening with a shared ache, his breath catching just audibly over the line.
He nodded, the motion slow, deliberate, as if savoring the connection, his hand rising to rub the back of his neck in that habitual gesture that exposed the vulnerable line of his throat, the pulse there visible in the play of light. Behind him, Rocky's enclosure pulsed with faint iridescence, the alien's facets scattering prismatic glints like distant nebulae, but tonight, the rock's presence wove into the intimacy rather than intruding a silent witness to the deepening bond.
Ryland's fingers drummed a restless pattern on the armrest, the sound faint but rhythmic, betraying the undercurrent of nerves beneath his steady gaze. “Yeah, well... prepare for some chaos, because Rocky and I? We did it. Figured out the plan. Astrophage reroutes, drive optimizations, your tweaks were the key, by the way. I'm coming home.”
The words hung in the ether, a revelation that ignited a firestorm within you joy mingling with a poignant ache, the reality of his return both a balm and a torment to the longing that had taken root in your heart. You leaned in, elbows resting on the desk, the cool wood grounding you as your eyes searched his, tracing the flecks of green in the blue, the subtle crinkle at the corners that spoke of laughter held in check. “Home.” you echoed, the word tasting like hope on your tongue, your voice threading with emotion that made your throat tighten. “Ryland, that's... God, that's everything. Tell me more. When?”
A chuckle escaped him, vapid and warm, the sound curling through you like smoke, easing the edges of his tension even as his eyes held yours with a raw, unguarded intensity. He glanced briefly toward the viewport, where the starfield stretched infinite and indifferent, then back to you, his posture shifting closer, filling the screen until you could almost feel the heat of him, the imagined scent of his skin clean sweat and recycled air. “Rockys got this Eridian knack for efficiency. We bounced ideas off each other for what felt like eternities him chirping about quantum flows, me throwing in human gut instincts. It's nerve wracking, though. The re entry burn, the quarantine protocols, stepping back into a world that's moved on without me.” His voice dipped, husky with confession, vulnerability etching lines across his brow, but then his gaze softened, locking onto yours with a tenderness that sent a shiver racing down your spine. “But you... thinking about seeing you? Keeps the fear at bay, makes it all feel possible.”
Heat bloomed across your skin, a slow tide that pooled low in your belly, his words evoking visions of that meeting the brush of his hand against yours, the warmth of his breath on your neck and you bit your lip, savoring the anticipation that thrummed between you like a shared pulse. Rocky's lights flickered in the background, a playful ripple that drew a soft huff from Ryland, diffusing the intensity with a touch of humor. “See? Even Rocky's excited. Apparently he even has a mate, been together for eons. How do you say her name?” A long plethora of chimes come from Rocky and Ryland gives you a funny stare and nods. “Yeah, right, so that, we agreed upon to be Adrian.” The dry quip pulled a smile from you, lightening the air, but the tone remained desire tempered by the profound tenderness of souls reaching across the cosmos. “They’ve been separated for the past few years trying to figure out astrophage travel. But now since we figured it out… he gets to see her again.”
“That sounds incredible.” Your fingers drifting to trace the screen's edge, as if you could reach through and feel the texture of his shirt, the steady beat beneath. To feel Rocky’s dome. “Nervous for you and him, but... excited doesn't cover it. How long? I need to start marking calendars, dreaming up ways to make that year fly.”
He settled back, the shirt stretching taut across his chest for a heartbeat, drawing your eye to the rise and fall of his breathing, before his grin emerged crooked, inviting, laced with that comedic edge that made your heart stutter. “A year. Cosmic bureaucracy and all that. Long enough to build the suspense, short enough to keep me sane. Gives us time for more planning. Practice for when I can finally show you that surprise in person.” His wink was slow, deliberate, eyes gleaming with promise, the banter weaving seamlessly into the emotional tapestry, balancing the raw pull of want with the gentle anchor of their connection.
As the conversation unfolded into the night, the cockpit's hum and the rain's patter outside merged into a lullaby of possibility, their words a bridge spanning the void laughter punctuating tender admissions, glances lingering like caresses, the year ahead a canvas for the slow, inevitable convergence of hearts adrift no more.
The conversation meandered through the quiet hours, the ship's ambient hum blending with the distant patter of rain against your windowpane, each word a thread pulling you closer across the unyielding expanse. Ryland's presence on the screen felt more tangible with every shared glance, his eyes catching the console's glow like embers in twilight, and you found yourself mirroring his lean, the desk's edge cool against your forearms as you savored the subtle play of shadows along his jawline.
He shifted then, the fabric of his shirt whispering softly as he crossed his arms, the lettering twisting just enough to draw your eye to the steady rise of his chest. A thoughtful pause hung between you, broken only by Rocky's faint, rhythmic clicks from the background like pebbles tumbling in a gentle stream before Ryland's voice emerged, low and tentative, laced with that dry humor that always tugged at the corners of your mouth. “You know, when I do touch down whenever that cosmic red tape finally clears I've been thinking about our first real moment. What do you say to dinner? Or whatever passes for it after a year of freeze dried everything.”
The suggestion landed like a spark in dry tinder, igniting a warmth that bloomed slow and insistent in your core, visions flickering unbidden his hand brushing yours over a candlelit table, the brush of his knee under the cloth, the way his laugh might vibrate through the air between you. You tilted your head, letting a playful smile curve your lips as you traced the rim of your mug with a fingertip, the ceramic still warm from forgotten tea. “Dinner sounds perfect. Something simple, maybe? Italian? There's this little spot near campus cozy, with these twinkle lights that make everything feel like magic.”
He chuckled, the sound rich and rumbling, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he rubbed his chin, stubble rasping faintly against his palm. “Italian, huh? Bold choice for a guy who's been dreaming of a burger that doesn't taste like regret. But nah, let's go fancier steakhouse. Real meat, the kind that sizzles and leaves grease on your fingers. Earned it after all this.” The banter flowed easy, charged with an undercurrent of anticipation, his gaze holding yours with a lingering intensity that made your pulse quicken, as if he could already taste the evening unfolding.
You shook your head, laughter bubbling up soft and light, your hair falling forward to brush your cheek as you leaned closer to the screen. “Steakhouse? Too stuffy. We'd be those awkward people whispering over napkins. What about sushi? Fresh, light, something to celebrate without the heaviness.” The words danced between you, a playful push and pull that mirrored the deeper current of longing, his expression shifting from amusement to mock exasperation, brows furrowing in that endearing way that exposed the faint lines of fatigue around his eyes.
”Sushi? In the middle of... wherever we end up? I'd take one bite and start missing my ration packs.” He grinned, wide and unfiltered, the motion pulling at his features and sending a flutter through your chest, but before you could counter, Rocky's enclosure lit up with a sudden flurry of iridescent pulses, the alien's facets shimmering like a disco ball in distress. A burst of chirps erupted from the speakers, translated into that gravelly, synthesized drawl that always carried a hint of mischief. “No argue. Dinner at Earth home. Her place. Spaghetti. Simple. Efficient. No mess human style.”
Ryland's eyes widened, his mouth parting in a half laugh, half protest as he twisted in his seat to face the rock, the chair groaning under the abrupt motion. “Whoa, stay in your lane, buddy. This is human food. I’ve seen the way you eat, I want nothing to do with it.” But the alien's lights only flickered smugly, a series of affirmative beeps solidifying the decree, and Ryland turned back to you, shoulders rising in a helpless shrug, his cheeks tinged with a flush that deepened the warmth in his gaze. “Well, there you have it. Rocky's got opinions stronger than astrophage. Spaghetti at your apartment it is. Hope you've got a good sauce recipe, don't want him critiquing the quantum mechanics of your marinara.”
You couldn't help the burst of laughter that escaped, genuine and freeing, your hand pressing to your lips as the image settled in your mind Ryland in your space, stirring a pot. The thought wove tenderness into the desire, a domestic intimacy that made the year ahead feel both endless and achingly close. “Spaghetti it is, then. Your first Earth meal, courtesy of the galaxy's nosiest engineer. Just promise you'll save room for dessert, something sweet to make up for all the arguing.”
His smile softened, eyes tracing your face with a deliberate slowness that sent a shiver tracing your spine, the digital barrier thinning under the weight of shared possibility. “Deal. Can't wait to find out what that looks like, up close.” The words lingered, heavy with promise, as the night deepened around you both, the rain a soft symphony to the budding plans that bridged the stars.
The months blurred into a tapestry of pixels and promises, each video call a stolen breath across the light years, weaving your lives into something profoundly ordinary and extraordinarily intimate. What began as tentative banter evolved into a rhythm as familiar as your own heartbeat, Ryland's face filling your screen at odd hours, his voice a gravelly anchor amid the static of your room's fluorescent hum or the ship's ceaseless drone. Holidays became your anchors, virtual rituals that bridged the void with laughter and longing, turning isolation into shared secrets.
The first Thanksgiving arrived like a whisper in the dark, your screen aglow with the warm flicker of a candle you'd lit on your cluttered desk, textbooks shoved aside for a plate of makeshift turkey canned, but spirited. Ryland appeared disheveled, silver flecked hair messy from a nap, his shirt rumpled as he balanced a tray of rehydrated mash that looked more like glue than gravy. “Alright, hacker extraordinaire,” he drawled, eyes crinkling with that dry mischief, “Do we toast to overcooked birds or just pretend this isn't the saddest feast since the Mayflower's leftovers?” You laughed, the sound bubbling up as you raised your glass of cheap wine, the tart bite lingering on your tongue. “To survival. And to you not poisoning yourself with whatever that is.” His grin widened, fork pausing mid air, and for a moment, his gaze held yours with a heat that made the room feel smaller, the distance a tease rather than a barrier.
Rocky chirped from the corner of the frame, lights pulsing in rhythmic approval, as if joining the toast, and Ryland rolled his eyes. “See? Even the rock thinks you're the better cook. Next year, you're making the real stuff.” The words hung, laced with implication, your skin prickling at the thought of his presence, solid and warm, in your space.
Christmas unfurled in a cascade of lights strung haphazardly across posters of nebulae and code snippets, his rigged from console leds that bathed the cabin in a starry haze. You exchanged gifts through the ether a digital playlist of Earth anthems for him, crooners and rock that made him hum off key, his baritone vibrating through the speakers like a caress; for you, a hand sketched star map, annotated with silly notes “This one's where I first saw your message. Blinked like a heartbeat.”
The call stretched late, snow dusting your window while Tau Ceti's glow framed him, and conversation meandered from childhood memories to whispered what ifs. “Remember when Rocky tried caroling?” He chuckled, the alien's enclosure flickering to a discordant beep beep that had you both dissolving into giggles. But beneath the humor simmered something deeper; his eyes traced the curve of your neck as you adjusted your scarf, voice dropping. “Wish I could unwrap something real this year. Like... seeing that smile without the lag.” Heat bloomed low in your belly, your fingers twisting the fabric as you met his stare, the air between screens thickening with unspoken want.
New Year's Eve marked a turning point, the clock ticking toward midnight in disjointed time zones yours syncing to Earth's revelry, his to the ship's chronometer. Fireworks bloomed outside your window, bursts of color painting your face as you counted down together, Rocky adding a flurry of excited clicks like premature confetti. At the stroke, Ryland leaned close, breath fogging the camera lens, his whisper husky. “Happy New Year. To us whatever that looks like when I get back.” The kiss he blew was playful, lips puckering comically, but the linger in his eyes sent a shiver racing down your spine, your own lips parting on a soft exhale. “To not being alone anymore.” and in that charged silence, the flirtation edged toward fire, his hand flexing as if reaching through the void to trace your jaw.
As spring thawed into summer on Earth, your calls grew bolder, the banter laced with touches of skin glimpsed accidentally your tank top slipping during a stretch, his shirt riding up to reveal the taut plane of his abdomen, dusted with faint hair that caught the light.
Rocky became the unwitting chaperone, his gravelly interjections punctuating the tension. “Humans hot? Air recycle fail?” During a particularly heated debate over quantum entanglement that doubled as metaphor for your pull. Ryland's laugh would rumble then, self conscious but inviting, drawing you deeper into the dance of words and glances.
Autumn brought the ache of impending change, leaves turning gold outside your window as Ryland's updates shifted repairs complete, trajectory locked for home.
The goodbye to Rocky unfolded in fragments across calls, emotional cries bubbling like champagne ready to overflow. One evening, the ship’s lights dimmed to simulate dusk, Ryland cradling the alien's enclosure like a cherished relic, facets glinting softly. “He’s packing up too, heading back to Erid with his people. Been the best friend I’ve ever had.” His voice cracked, blue eyes misting as Rocky bobbed in farewell, chirps translating to a gruff. “Good Earth friend. Keep Grace out trouble.” You watched, heart twisting, as Ryland pressed his forehead to the case, murmuring promises of safe travels. “You were the best co pilot a guy could ask for. Don't go eating any more control panels without me.” The humor masked the raw edge, but when he turned back, vulnerability etched in the lines of his face, you felt it echo in your chest. “Feels like losing a piece of the ship. But... progress.” His gaze locked on yours, steady and searing, the weight of you unspoken but palpable.
A few nights after Rocky's departure shuttle undocked, intimacy crested in a wave neither could deny. The call started light Ryland, hair damp from a sonic shower that left his skin glowing. Conversation drifted to dreams, then desires, voices lowering as the ship's hum faded to background. “Tell me what you'd do if I were there.” He prompted, tone playful yet edged with gravel, eyes darkening as you described the brush of fingers along your collarbone, the slow unbuttoning that would follow. Heat pooled in your core, breath quickening as his hand mirrored the motion on screen, tracing his own throat, then lower, the fabric tenting subtly. “Like this?” He rasped, voice thick, and you nodded, emboldened, your palm sliding beneath your waistband, the friction sending sparks through your veins.
The screen became a portal to shared surrender, his breaths syncing with yours in ragged harmony. He leaned back, chair creaking, shirt tugged up to expose the ripple of muscle as his hand worked with deliberate slowness, eyes never leaving yours fierce, adoring, a low groan escaping when you arched, whispering his name like a prayer. “God, the way you move...” Laughter threaded the tension, dry and breathless “Rockyd call this inefficient energy use.” A tender smile curving his lips as he reached out, as if to cup your cheek through the glass.
Through it all, the year etched itself in stolen moments flirty jokes over virtual coffee, funny mishaps with Rocky's translations, sensual explorations that blurred screens into skin. The distance, once a chasm, now a thread pulling you inexorably closer, anticipation building like a slow orbit toward collision.
The Hail Mary pierced Earth's atmosphere like a returning prodigal, its hull scarred by cosmic tempests but whole, a testament to ingenuity and unyielding will. You watched the live feed from your apartment, heart hammering against your ribs as the shuttle detached, gliding toward the landing pad under a sky bruised with dawn's first light. A year of pixels and promises had led to this, the man who'd become your anchor in the void, descending back to solid ground.
Your fingers trembled as you smoothed the simple tee with jeans you'd chosen, the fabric whispering against your skin like an echo of his voice in those confessions. The world outside buzzed with media frenzy, helicopters whirring like metallic insects, but you slipped through the chaos with a forged press badge, your instincts guiding you to the secure perimeter where the real reunion waited.
The air hangar smelled of scorched metal and hydraulic fluid, a stark contrast to the sterile recyclers of his ship. You lingered in the shadows of a maintenance bay, pulse syncing with the distant rumble of engines powering down. There he emerged from the hatch in a flight suit that clung to his frame, unzipped just enough to reveal the faded collar of his I Wear This Shirt Periodically tee beneath.
His hair, longer now and forever messy, caught the floodlights in silvered waves, and those blue eyes scanned the crowd with a mix of wariness and wonder. His beard now a shadow. He shaved. When his eyes landed on you, time fractured his face split into a grin that crinkled the corners of his eyes, boyish and unguarded, cutting through the months of separation like a laser. He broke from the official greetings, weaving through technicians and officials with purposeful strides, the dry humor in his posture evident even from afar the slight hunch of shoulders as if bracing for Earth's gravity to mock him.
“You didn’t die.” You joked as he closed the distance, his scent hitting you first a faint tang of hydraulic fluid and something uniquely him, warm and lived in, a natural musk. His musk. He’s no longer filtered through speakers. Up close, he was taller than the videos suggested, his presence filling the space between you with an electric hum. “Told you I'd try not to crash.” That rich baritone wrapping around you like a familiar embrace, laced with the self deprecating edge that had first hooked you. But his eyes betrayed the jest, darkening with a hunger that mirrored your own, tracing the line of your jaw as if memorizing it anew.
The crowd blurred into irrelevance; his hand found yours, calluses rough from years of tinkering, thumb brushing your knuckles in a slow circle that sent sparks skittering up your arm. “God, you're even more... you, in person.” The words hung, incomplete but weighted, his free hand hovering near your waist before dropping, he flexes his fingers as if testing the reality of touch. He feels lightheaded, unsure whether it was from earth's gravity or you.
The drive to your apartment was a haze of stolen glances and fragmented conversation, his knee brushing yours in the borrowed SUV, the contact igniting like a short circuit. He marveled at the mundane the way streetlights flickered over rain slicked roads, the hum of traffic that drowned out the silence of space, his blunt and observational commentary “Feels like I've landed in a alternate universe, where I’m famous.” You laughed, the sound lighter than it had been in months, directing him through the city's veins to your modest building, where the elevator ride amplified the tension, the confined space thick with unspoken anticipation. His shoulder pressed against yours, heat seeping through fabric, and when the doors dinged open, he followed you inside without a word, the click of the lock sealing you both away from the world.
Your apartment was a sanctuary of controlled chaos bookshelves groaning under astrophysics tomes and code printouts, fairy lights still draped twinkling softly against the late afternoon sun filtering through half drawn blinds. The air carried the faint scent of takeout remnants and your shampoo, grounding and intimate.
Ryland paused in the doorway, taking it in with a slow sweep, his duffel bag thudding to the floor. “So this is your cave.” Turning to you with a tilt of his head that caught the light on his glasses. He stepped nearer, the space between you shrinking to breaths, his fingers grazing your elbow a tentative anchor. “It’s a nice cave.” He whispered quietly. You turned into his touch, heart thudding, and guided him to the kitchen, needing the ritual of motion to steady the tremor in your limbs. “Hungry? I promised you a real meal, no rehydrated mush.”
Cooking became the slow unraveling of restraint, a dance of proximity in the narrow galley. You pulled ingredients from the fridge, fresh basil from a windowsill pot, tomatoes bursting with summer's end, ground beef simmering in a cast iron skillet that filled the air with savory warmth. Ryland hovered, his forearms corded with muscle, his attempts at chopping garlic clumsy but endearing, knife slipping as he stole glances at you.
“Admit it.” He teased, bumping your hip with his, the contact lingering a beat too long, sending a flush creeping up your neck, “You just want me for my questionable knife skills. Like Rocky with his appendages enthusiastic, zero precision.”
You swatted his arm lightly, the brush of skin electric, laughter bubbling as you stirred the sauce, the steam curling between you like a veil. He leaned over your shoulder to taste, his chest brushing your back, breath warm against your ear. “Needs more... heat.” The double entendre slipping out with a grin, his hand steadying on your waist as if to emphasize the point.
The sauce bubbled, mirroring the simmer in your veins, and when you plated the spaghetti, twirls of pasta glistening under olive oil he pulled out a chair for you with exaggerated chivalry, eyes twinkling. “Ladies first. Or human. Whatever you are.”
Dinner unfolded in a rhythm of shared stories and silences heavy with subtext, forks clinking against ceramic as the city lights began to wink on beyond the window. He devoured the meal with unfeigned gusto, moaning appreciatively around a mouthful “Never thought I’d admit that Rocky was right.” He chews, glancing down at his plate. Lips glossy from sauce. “Spaghetti was the only answer.”
His foot nudged yours under the table, a subtle press that escalated to his ankle hooking yours, drawing you closer in the invisible tether. Conversation meandered from Rocky's farewell antics (the alien's final gift a little astronaut he made) to the absurdities of reentry briefings, his jokes painting pictures. “They grilled me on protocols like I was smuggling contraband. As if astrophage samples weren't enough excitement.” His gaze lingering on the way your lips curved around a sip of wine, the glass stem cool between your fingers.
You feel his intense gaze as you eat. “What? Is there something on my face?” Your brows furrow as you scan his face for a reaction. His face turns almost into adoration with a hint of a mischievous smirk. “Oh, nothing.” He sighs dramatically with a shrug of his shoulders. Liking the way you fall into his web. He eats casually as you now stare at him in return. “What?” You say incredulously with a smile erupting on your face. His eyes flick up to you again. “You actually do have something on your face.” Before you can register his words he’s leaning over the small table. Taking your jaw into his large hand, cradling your cheek as his thumb sweeps across your bottom lip. Wiping away the missed sauce; he settles back into his seat. The pad of his thumb between his lips as he swallows the liquid off his digit. He twists noodles around his fork casually like he didn’t completely rewrite your nerves.
Clearing the table was pretext, dishes stacking in the sink as excuses to orbit each other, his body heat a constant pull. A few jokes here and there about how the cleanliness would make Rocky spiral. He trapped you against the counter when he reached for a plate, hips aligning in an accidental on purpose press that drew a gasp from your throat. “Sorry.” He lied, voice gravelly, not pulling away his hand splayed on the small of your back, thumb circling in slow, deliberate strokes that unraveled you.
The air thickened, charged with the scent of garlic and desire, and when you turned in his hold, faces inches apart, the world narrowed to the flecks of green in his eyes. “You can stay the night if you want.” His eyes flick to your lips before he answers. “I don’t know. They asked me to go teach tomorrow. It’s kinda funny how they do that,” He pauses, removing himself from you to put away a spice on the top of the shelf. The sliver of his taut hips coming into view. He notices your stare and he revels in the attention. “How you get sent to space and you come back and have work the next day.” He props himself up against the counter across from you, his gaze heavy. It’s quiet and there’s a silent exchange of words shared. “Are you sure?” You blink dumbly at him like the question was unfounded, his eyes are downcasted when you say “yes.”
He takes a long step towards you, hands planted beside your waist on the counter top. Your back pressing against the edge. “You know I was expecting someone way different looking.” His remark hits you funnily in your chest. Was he expecting someone prettier all those calls ago? “What do you mean?” He shrugs, smirking. “I was expecting a troll.” You laugh slightly at how silly the idea was. “Why’d you imagine me as a troll?” He shrugs again. “Every hacker movie ever is a dude in a basement who looks like a troll.” He leans down closer to you. “All I’m saying is that you’re prettier than a troll.” You laugh breathlessly at his somewhat compliment. “I’d hope so.”
His eyes draw down to your lips before he leans in and presses his against yours. You accept the warranted kiss. All those months of longing felt excused. His lips were surprisingly nourished and soft. The short hair on his cheeks scratching your face. Your hands hesitate over his chest unsure of where to touch him. You’ve dreamt of this for so long that you’re not sure how to execute your dreams. You’ve been with men before sure, but never someone of his stature. He notices your hesitation and lack of affection, he pauses, lips disconnecting. A single string of saliva connecting you together. As he pulls back his lips wet, “Is there something wrong? I know it’s been a while but I didn’t think I’d lose that much of my game.” You shake your head quickly. Cheeks warm from him thinking it’s his inadequacy. ”It’s not that.” His eyes level with you, brows furrowed. “Don’t tell me you’re a virgin.” He chuckles deep in his chest. “No! Not that either.” You laugh softly and your eyes fall to the floor bashfully. “I’m just nervous.” He laughs a little louder, shocked at your revelation. “What’s there to be nervous about?” He steps back and leans his hip on the counter across from you. He doesn’t speak, he just stares. From the time that you’ve known Ryland his gaze tells you a thousand things. But when he looks at you, you can’t ever tell what he’s thinking.
“Look at you.” You blush at his words, head fallen downwards. His warm hand cradles your cheek as he tilts your head up. “Wanna know a secret?” His kind eyes search your face as you nod. “When I first looked at you I thought I died and saw an angel.” You laugh shoving his shoulder. “Did not” “Did too! I swear!”
He pushes his forehead against yours, his breath fanning across your cheeks. “So, tell me, what’s there to be nervous about?” “Nothing.” “Exactly, so kiss me.”
You lean up on your toes and press your lips against his instead of him leading you. You rest your hands on his thick shoulders and he moans at your touch. The touch he’s first felt in years. To say he was touch starved was an understatement. The rumble sends shivers down your spine. You feel like you’re melting into the counter, He lifted you onto the counter with effortless strength, the cool granite a shock against your thighs as his body slotted between them.
Your hands roam from his shoulders to the sides of his damp flushed neck, to his messy hair. Your hands roaming, fingers threading through his hair, tilting his head for better access, then his hands trail down your sides to grip your hips.
He bites lightly onto your bottom lip, as you gasp his tongue invades your mouth. At the invasion you slightly arch into his chest. He pulls back heaving. “Not so nervous anymore are you?”
You shake your head before he smiles lopsidedly. Pulling you up to his chest and you squeal wrapping your legs around his torso. Arms around his neck as he carries you down the hall, his eyes trained on your face. "Where's your room?” Pointing to the door he follows and you open it for him.
He stumbles slightly and sets you down onto your bed. You roughly bounce a couple times laughing. He looks up from his stance on the floor, his glasses shifted on his face, the legs of the glasses on his jaw. He looks to the door and sees a stuffed animal he tripped over. “A monkey really?” His face wrenches in confusion as he fixes his skewed glasses on his broad nose. You smile, throwing your hands around to emphasize “It’s cute!” “It ruined my smoothness.” You roll your eyes.“Did you have any smoothness in the first place?” His mouth falls open in mock shock, his eyebrow quirks, and you wonder if this is how he scolds his students. “Oh, really?”
He lifts to his achy sore knees and presses down on the mattress to gain his standing again. “That’s not what I heard in the kitchen.” His voice lowers as he climbs upwards. “yeah?” You whisper, encouraging him. “You know what I heard?” “What?” Laying down as he towers over you, his hands start to pull up your shirt. The warmth of his hands spreads across your stomach and ribs as they travel. His knees hovering beside yours, his body mere centimeters from touching your center. His hands stop once they reach the end lace of your bra holding himself with his forearms on the sides of your head. Lips going to your ear. “I heard pretty little moans coming from that mouth of yours.” His body pushes down slightly and you can feel the girth of him in his jeans on your abdomen. It's heavy
“How did they sound?” He asks himself, shifting his lips to your jaw arching into him as his hand roams from the side of your neck over your shirt. Over your bra and he starts palming your chest. Feeling your nipple bud under the fabric. Mimicking your high pitched whine in your ear and cheeks burning. Your clit throbbing from his touch on your breast. “Ryland please.” Spent out eyes half closed and dumb. His head foggy as he looks at how desperate you look “Yes what?”
Your breath ragged almost begging him. He toys with your bra, eventually dipping his hand into the cup and feeling your soft skin on his palm. Playing with your tit, your bra strap straining against his wrist. “I want you to touch me.” Kissing your jaw chastely, the hair on his face scratching your cheek. “Where?” “Everywhere.” You whine and that does something to him. With a final kiss pressed to your temple he looks at your chest spilling out. Making a mental note of the sight. Pulling your shirt overhead along with your bra.
When you lay back down he’s on you in an instant. Kissing and lapping at your chest, moaning against your heart. It burns you alive. He hasn’t even taken off his clothes yet and you’re already soaked. Thighs pressing together, still clothed, your top half naked and bare as he eats you alive. He’s starved, his lips circling around your nipples. Nibbling them until they're sore and aching. You have to push him off from how sensitive they’ve gotten. His wet mouth coming off with a pop and slobber connecting him to you. He moves downwards on the bed, his puppy dog blues dilated behind glass.
“You want me to take care of you?” You nod incessantly. “Please.” He smiles like he already knows the answer. Unbuttoning your jeans tugging them down with your panties. Your lower half jiggled with how forceful he tugged them down. Going on his knees at the end of your bed, pulling your legs apart to hang on his shoulders at the edge. Watching the slickness of your pussy glistening for him. He has to palm himself to keep the throbbing in his jeans.
Warm and patient his hands glide up your thighs as yours cling to the silk bedding. He drags a knuckle down the front of your spread lips, feeling how warm you are. How soaked, you shiver at his digit you can’t make a note of it before his mouth attaches to your core. Writhing as his tongue laps heavy wide strokes through you. Each stroke of his tongue sends fire through you. Tits bouncing with every jolt. Those pathetic whines he loves is like music to his ears. He waited months for this, imagining you strung out from his tongue. Countless lonely nights in his shitty bed longing for your touch. Your caress and now that he’s had it he can't get enough.
Groaning as he tastes you. He’s grinding into your mattress straining in his jeans. He's surprised he hasn’t accidentally prematurely came. Face burying deeper and his scruffy cheeks get crushed by your thighs. Squeezing his head as you get closer and closer to that heavenly feeling. Your whimpers surely to wake your neighbors but you don’t care you’re so close. So sensitive.
Clamping your eyes shut, not daring to see his blue eyes steadily looking up at you from behind your mound. His nose rubbing your pubic area as he attacks your clit. A long finger pushes itself into you and instantly the fullness tears you to shreds. Crying out his name and whimpering body locking around his dirty blonde head you shake and cry. Trying to run from his mouth but his mouth follows you. Teeth softly biting your core. You can’t breathe as you come down. He just laps it up like a dog.
Wetness pooling on the sheets he sighs huskily at the sight. Mouth drenched in your fluids. In a singular motion he pulls his shirt overhead, you stare leaning up on your elbows ogling his body. You knew he was strong, but not jacked. “Holy shit.” Slurring your words. He laughs softly. “Like what you see?” You nod dumbly, mouth open. He steps on the backs of his converse. Unbuckling his jeans before he realizes you’re staring at him so intensely. Slows himself down, slowly unbuckling his belt like some stripper. “Don’t tease!” You whine and he smiles patting your thigh. “Since you were so good I’ll obey.”
For some reason the word obey spikes your blood and your thighs clench together. He notices and smiles again, before he pulls his jeans down with his boxers they pool around his ankles. His cock springing free angry and pink veins pumping red from tip to mid shaft with purple ones littering around the circumference. God he’s longer than he is girthy but your pussy already is sore from looking at it.
He motions you to sit higher up on your bed and you do but as he puts his knees on to the bed and starts crawling up the only thing you can focus on is the bobbing head of his cock. His hands rest on your knees slowly pushing your legs more apart. “My eyes are up here angel.” You quickly look into his eyes but it was just a diversion, he watches your face twist into pain as he pushes the mushroom head inside your tight entrance.
Your hands immediately go to his chest and pushing your nails into the sculpted muscle. “It's too much! I can’t!” Feeling every ridge and vein intruding inside. He can’t even reassure you as his eyes are locked on his cock splitting you open. “You already are.” One of his hands falls from your thigh to your mound. Thumb circling over your bruised clit. His forehead pushing against yours as he leans down further and pushes deeper. You start feeling longer curves in his shaft, the veins in his arms popping as he strains his body weight up. Curteous to not crush you he tries his hardest to resist not fucking you until your bimbo.
He feels your pretty soft gummy walls fluttering around him and he accidentally thrusts shallowly. Making you keen. “You're taking me so good.” He praises, kissing you gently. You can taste yourself mixed with spaghetti on his lips.
When he bottoms out and he doesn’t move. Letting you relax around him, his balls settled against your ass. His chest pressed against yours. He forgets about being inside you and focuses on kissing you hungrily. Melting into his kiss he slowly starts rutting against you.
Not pulling out just shallow little ruts. His thumb speeds up on your clit, feeling you tighten and your legs locking around his hips. You’re so full you can’t think anymore. His lips. His thumb. His cock. His weight. Him.
Then he actually starts pulling back the long stretch and burn until his tip is the only thing in. Staring at your face for a long while, you stare back. Admiring his features, the sweat forming around his face, his chest, the locks of hair stuck to his damp forehead. The way his glasses are slightly foggy. Before you nod and he pushes back in, his head is thrown back. The veins in his throat pulsing. Groaning with your whine you both are the loudest things in your complex.
You feel your body stretch to fit him, your fingers clinging to his wrists. Without hesitation his eyes flickering from your eyes, your lips to your chest to your center, the wet squelching smash of his hips returning to yours. His thighs already wet with your slick. Setting an unfathomable pace for his age and you can’t keep up. Eyes rolling into the back of your head. His thrusts picking up, sweat starts to fall onto you.
Sticking your tongue out to taste the sweaty droplets as they fall and comically so does his wire glasses. his hips stutter and he’s babbling apologies. A red blush rising on his neck and face from embarrassment. It’s quickly halted when you take his glasses and put them on. They're too big for your small face, something burns in him seeing you wear his glasses.
Thrusts grows sloppy and you’re pitiful knowing that your next orgasm is a couple thrusts away deeper now. Rougher. Every thrust rocks you higher up the bed and the headboard knocking against the wall gasping each time, fingers tracing over the veins in his forearms overwhelmed but craving more. You cry out softly when he hits that spot, and he rasps, “Yeah? Right there?”
You fall apart with a cry, clenching around him so hard he chokes on a groan and stills himself. Your walls are so clenched tight he can’t move. A couple shallow thrusts later he follows thrusting deep. Spilling into you three white hot sticky stripes. His whole body shudders, as he drops down onto you. Careful to not crush you but his body weight is smothering in a good way. He’s too hot and too sweaty.
Both of your breathing staggered as each of you trying to capture your breaths. His heart drumming against yours. He hugs your chest to his, before both of you agree it’s too hot so he rolls over. Staring blurrily at the ceiling.
“The spaghetti tasted really good.” Laughing at his comment. “What it was?” Standing with a slight humph, taking his glasses back silently. Walking naked out of your room. Admiring his strong back with your red welts on his shoulders. His fatty cheeks before he pauses in your doorway. "Where's the bathroom?” “On the left!” As you hear him pee he starts yapping again. “You know dinner was so good that I’d love to have it every night.” You hear the sink turn on and off before he comes back with a rag. Gently spread the warm water between your thighs to clean you up. Trying to ignore the twitch of his cock seeing his seed spilling out. “But you know what I liked eating the most?” He arches his eyebrow with the most devious smile. He looks at you shoving his shoulder, getting up to go to the bathroom. “Shut up, spaceman.” “What? It’s true!”
18+ nsfw - smutty thoughts (fem!reader x ryland, p in v, etc.) under the cut!
content: i can’t stop thinking about riding ryland grace
in the pilot’s seat on the hail mary either during the trip or on earth during the final touches
“f-fuck dr. grace”
you’re bouncing up and down in his lap, his pretty cock splitting you open just right. his hands are gripping onto your hips like he’s worried you’re going to float away.
his head is thrown back and he can’t stop groaning your name.
you’re moving your hips now, rolling them as you slow down to tease him.
he can’t take it anymore! you’re antagonizing him.
he’s pleading and begging you to go faster again, his arms flexing to lift you up and slam into you.
now he’s just holding you there, slightly above his lap as his hips slam up into you. his balls slapping your skin as he buries himself into you to the very hilt.
you’ve pushed him to the brink!!!!
“yeah? you gonna take what i give you?” he asks, voice deeper than you’ve ever heard it, his throat raw from groaning.
you nod fervently, mouth open and eyes squeezed closed.
“good girl. now do it right.”
you’re stunned. he’s never so commandeering in bed, he must be taking notes.
he brings you back down onto his lap and you resume bouncing on it, babbling nonsense while he watches with half-lidded eyes and leans up to take one of your nipples into his mouth.
or riding him in his desk chair at school after hours
you went back to his classroom with him to pick up some papers he left behind. it’s a friday night and the school is deserted.
you’ve been here a dozen times, it almost feels like home.
he takes a seat in his desk chair and leans down to grab a stack of essays to grade from one of the drawers he stores them in.
you stride over, standing in front of his desk.
“mr. grace, you’re very handsome. is there a mrs. grace?”
he rolls his eyes, “why yes, there is a mrs. grace.”
you inch closer, bending over his desk to pinch his cheek.
“that’s too bad. i was hoping i could get some extra credit,” you purr, grabbing at his tie and pulling him closer to you.
“baby, we are in a classroom!” he huffs.
you shrug your shoulders.
“ryland, just play along. it’s 7pm on a friday for christ’s sake!”
“okay, okay.” he clears his throat dramatically.
“well, what kind of extra credit were you hoping for?” he asks, trying his best to be sexy and put his morals aside.
you smile, very pleased at his willingness to keep up your little game.
you stride around the desk, his tie still in your grip, and come to stand right between his legs.
“i was hoping for something like this.”
you sling your legs over his as you sit in his lap, already grinding your hips as your lips press against his neck.
you feel him heat up under your touch and his length starts to harden beneath you.
“yeah?” he whispers, “yeah, we could do this.”
his hands slide down to grip your ass and guide you as you roll your hips again.
soon enough you’re hiking up your dress and sliding his pants down so you can sink down onto him.
his feet are firmly planted on the ground as he starts to thrust up into you.
he starts to get real whiny, whimpering your name. mumbling about how he wants to make you feel so good.
“you are making me feel good ryland, you’re so good,” you praise, your hand coming around to grip his chin.
“i think you mean mr. dr. grace,” he mumbles out.
“right, right. you’re making me feel so good, mr. dr. grace. thank you for the extra credit!”
or maybe roomate!reader riding ry on the couch
and he can’t stop talking about how you should move to one of your bedrooms and how guests sit on this couch and how gross you all are for doing in the living room until you cannot take it anymore and you finally put your hand over his mouth to shut him up as you move harder and faster.
his eyes roll back in his head, thrusts getting sloppy, hands groping everything they can grab.
he loves being told what to do in bed (or on the couch…)
you peel your hand off of his mouth and replace it with your lips, sloppily kissing him, sucking his bottom lip into your mouth to nibble it gently.
you pull back and look down into his eyes— they’re barely open at this point.
“you’re so pretty when you’re quiet for me, ry.”
his eyes roll back again.
“you like when i tell you what to do? when i make you be quiet for me?”
he nods, a small whine slipping out of his mouth.
“you can keep making those sounds ry, sound so pretty when you’re fucked out.”
he gets louder, whining and moaning, but not daring to speak a single criticism regarding your choice of locale this time.
you tug on his hair, knowing he won’t last five more seconds if you pull it just right.
he shakes his head, not wanting this to end.
you nod yours, a knowing smirk forming on your lips.
you’re evil.
“go on, ryland. cum for me on our couch. don’t worry, i won’t tell anyone what we did on it.”
and that’s all it took
author’s note: thank you guys for your notes/ reblogs on incinerate! there are more chapters coming. ive never written on tumblr before, so sorry that the formatting on my entire page sucks. i am learning as i go.
I don't want realism i want magic.. @clitandcollect - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
