Mind Palace

Just a place to put my writing, I write my own stuff as well as taking prompts.

[clockwork-stories]

I don’t think I want to exist at the moment

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Just rant about shit

Okay yeah sometimes people really suck and are really shitty and do things that you absolutely can’t stand- make you feel that they don’t give two shits about you and maybe they don’t. And when those things come back to haunt you in the middle of the night, even if its years later, it can make you want to cry and scream and tear your hair out because it feels like you’re alone and you’re not worth it. That ache in your chest feels like someone pride your rib cage open  to stuff the whole universe in there only to let your bones snap into place again as everything starts spinning. And it hurts so fucking much and no matter how hard you try you can’t get them out of your head and those words and actions, even if they’ve apologized for them, still hurt like fuck- still make you feel like they don’t care. I just want to cry and cry and my heart wants to burst from the pressure of the black hole forming in the middle of it but the rational part of my brain tells it not to. That no one is perfect and they probably don’t know how much everything hurts or that they make everything hurt. But how can they think that one “are you okay?” and a pathetic excuse for a hug can fix everything? IT FUCKING CAN’T OKAY! I wrote this to try and make myself feel better but it still feels like planets are crushing my sternum. I think this was supposed to be inspirational but people can still hurt you no matter how great humanity can be said to be. Fuck.  

[clockwork-stories]

On the downside I failed my exam On the plus side Taylor Swift's music video came out

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You know when you read something and you've had a bad day but those tiny words composed into that one specific sentence makes you smile and your heart sing and for some reason you feel giddy all over? And suddenly your whole day has changed and everything seems just that little bit easier?  

[refears]

my parents warned me about drugs on the street, but never the ones with hazel eyes and a heartbeat.

[clockwork-stories]

It's midnight. He's drunk. And he still can't get her out of his head. Her eyes haunt his confused mind and her butterscotch hair drifts past his betraying eyes. Because the world is defined by her image, and he can't imagine his without her. The red head in his arms didn't taste like she did, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get that goddamn taste off his lips. Off his mind.  

[clockwork-stories]

It was hopeless. And futile. And impossible. And wonderful. He looked straight at me yet saw right through me, The heartache came swiftly The heartbreak soon followed. Yet I stay.

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I can taste the heartbreak on your lips, And the betrayal in your perfume.

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[sebastianthequeenofhell]

Hello

said me to no one ever cause i’m a shy piece of shit (via sebastianthequeenofhell)

[clockwork-stories]

I look into the past and now I see.

Though my memory is fading still,

These crumbling walls now liken to a key,

Unlocking memories against my will.

Faded steel now flaked with fading green,

Like vines controlling entrances run wild.

It makes my heart beat, a repaired machine,

If love is for children, I am a child.

  I can see myself gliding through the halls,

Through the cherished home which gave me wings.

Love hidden behind the old girl's walls,

And through the world the Latin motto sings.

  And all though my time has gone and past away,

In my heart my love for home will stay. 

So this is my really shit sonnet for english class that I decided to post for some reason. I like the first two stanza but after that...blech

[clockwork-stories]

And then I remember, though I try to forget

 We were never in love

                 But oh god,

 We could have been

[clockwork-stories]

She figured life was like an experiment. Each time you did the experiment it would be the same with the exception of one minor detail that was used to differentiate between them and at the end of the day the results were tallied up and you would see what all your hard work had been for. The results and data would range from one end of the spectrum to the next and you would review and re-review the data until the lines began to blur before realizing that even with all your hard work you still didn’t receive the conclusion you had wanted.

“So you try again.”

Wren started up at him, baffled, “What do you mean?”

“You try again. You try and try until you finally receive the results you need,” Ethan replied, as if that explained anything.

“But most of the time you don’t ever receive the results you need and your life is wasted on nothing.”

His eyebrows furrowed, “Not true, your life served a great purpose! You would leave behind work and experiences for the future to use, an empire of knowledge to build off!”

“The same as the people before them and the people before them! No one’s life is unique! We all play the same game over and over without creating anything original, without bringing anything new!”

“But that’s where your wrong again! Everything, every experience you leave behind would be unique to you! You wouldn’t copy what someone before you had done, there would be no point and therefore your work- what you had left would remain your own.”

[clockwork-stories]

There were days where I wanted to run. Days where no one could calm me and days where every touch sent jolts of fear through my spine. Days where I ran and knew I wouldn't come back but I always did. No one looked for me, no one cared…except one.

There was one boy, the boy with black hair- he didn't tell me his name, I never asked. He always came.  Whenever I ran I knew that he was always a few paces away from me and even if I left in the dead of night he would always be there. He never told me to go back, never complained or left my side, no matter how far I traveled or how fast I ran.

At first I never saw him, I just knew he was there- I could feel him but when he finally showed himself to me I knew I would never forget his face. He was the only constant in my life, the only thing I was certain of….at least that’s what I thought. We never talked…well he never talked, he never even uttered a sound- I began to think he couldn’t but that all changed the day my world was torn apart. Torn apart by one word- run. 

[clockwork-stories]

Friends were a rarity for me and I think I might of just made one.

Me, 24 Hours To Fall In Love

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I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist.

Me after my friend told me I was being to pessimistic about my exams 

[clockwork-stories]

I'm a strongly active reader, I inhale books like a drug addict smokes crack. I get high off well written paragraphs.

Me, 24 Hours To Fall In Love

[clockwork-stories]

"Come on," I whispered desperately as I poured water on the dying plant. "Come on my old friend, you can’t leave me- not just yet!"

I didn’t expect an answer…I didn’t get one.

The drooping leaves lay there, mocking me in their final hours- not that they had actually done anything.

"You have so much to live for! Look at all this air you still have to oxygenate! It’s all still here, all this carbon dioxide that’s slowly killing me! You can’t leave me behind, old friend!"

Silence.

"Who else is going to decorate my room! No other plant will ever match your amazing ability to be a plant!”

I slammed my hand on the table causing the plot to bounce. 

"DAMMIT! Don’t look at me like that!" I cried, small tears glazing over my eyes. "Think of the seeds! They need you- the fertilizer won’t be enough for them! You can’t leave them uprooted with no where to go! THINK OF THE SEEDS!"

I was in hysterics by now but I knew I had done all I could…yet it hadn’t been enough. No matter how much water I added it just slid down the leaves matching the patterns of my tears. 

Again there was only silence to greet my loneliness until the thought hit me and I looked down upon the old plant, lying there as if it were only sleeping.

Silence.

"What the fuck am actually I doing?" 

Prompt- “A houseplant is dying. Tell it why it needs to live.”

Picture Source- http://www.damnwallpapers.com/flying-plant-tree-house/