OCD / OCPD it's NOT cute.
Iba yung meticulous sa OCD / OCPD, please.
If you know about it o have it then you'd know it's EXHAUSTING
Iba yung worrying lang sa constantly anxious about everything
Intrusive thoughts that leads to compulsion (compulsive behavior)
Na what if, if I didn't do this or that something baaaaaaaaaad will happen.
And until I do something about it, wala, hindi ako matatahimik. It's battlefield in there. Sariling utak mo kalaban mo.
Siguro level 1 lang ako. Ah, basta alam ko hindi ako kasing lala ng iba. Which minsan, well, it's not inggit, pero nandun yung thought naman na, shocks, I'm not doing enough to keep my fam safe.
And I thought na overcome ko na. Pero sobrang lakas maka-trigger ng Covid.
Yung dati na akong mahilig mag hugas ng kamay; pero ngayon ang lala. Na nangungulubot at nagddry na kamay ko from excessive handwashing.
Yung minsan naka-lunok na ko ng bleach (diluted naman) at technically taksim lang naman bec I need to sanitize everything ngayon.
Na kung hindi ako.worried as Covid or other viruses/germs, worried naman ako sa parasites na baka meron pala sa plants ko (kahit soil-less), or dahil we have dogs, and a cat or just by eating anything.
Una yung pork halos sunog na kung magluto ako DATI, para lang sure na walang tapeworms mabubuhay.
Na yung beef at chicken kahit mag dry na sa sobrang luto wag lang may makalusot na salmonella.
Kaya ewan, isang araw hindi ko na ma-rape yung smell ng pork kahit niluluto pa lang. Kaya hindi nyo ko maloloko - you just can't slide pork sa food ko no matter how small pa yan. Kahit hiniling pa yan, malalasahan ko at i-🤢🤮 ko.
I don't eat pancit xanton or any instant noodles – although nagbabalik loob ako sa Yakisoba pero FOR ME it's diff compared sa iba na feeling ko ma-borax.
Marami na along hindi kinakain o iniinom and it's not just arte for me.
For my own sanity din or else I'll end up getting anxious na
At yun yung mahirap pinaka-struggle ko. I tend to overthink thing na minsan it gets so overwhelming ang hirap na huminga. Or I get so stressed nararamdaman ko na na literal as in may manifestation na sa katawan ko.
Yung I need to be in control din bec wala akong tiwala sa iba (kahit pa pamilya).
Like kailangan ako mag-saing or else hindi ako kakain nyan. At pag nag saing ako cups of rice = that's how many times I need to wash. And purified drinking water sa huling banlaw. Dati sa last 3 (banlaw) pa yan. Minsan 2.
Yung kailangan nababad o at least nadaanan ng hot water or purified water yung gagamitin kong plate, mug, utensils, etc.
Na I hate ironing clothes din or kahit my hair bec it's the unplugging that gives me unnecessary anxiety. Pasok sa, "did I unplug it?" And will check multiple times with bilang (counting) pa or else the house will burn.
I love plant, I love our pets. Pero nandyan yung constantly thinking, what if I get sick (parasites) bec of them.
Na using soil-less pero minsan nakakalusot yung mga animal feces (cow dung / chicken manure) and I'd overthink na about parasites. Or minsan may compost na probably high on nitrogen (grass clippings) I'd think naman na what if it's a urine fr rat. So leptos naman.
So, it's not just constantly rearranging stuff. Isa lang yan sa symptoms or manifestations ng OCD / OCPD.
Sometimes it's the need to be in control, or counting or anything that has to do with numbers (and I hate 4, & 13), or repeating, or checking, or ordering (aranging in order) pa rin pala.
Tapos pag minsan pag feeling ko meron akong hindi nagawa, hindi na ako matatahimik nyan. I'd overthink about it na. Na minsan sinasampal ko na sarili ko matigil lang kakaisip.
I'm praying about it naman.
Acknowledging I need God's help.
It's a day-to-day surrender.
Pero you need to help yourself din.
Easier said than done. Minsan umiiyak na ko talaga. Kaya I kind of understand ppl with "issues" siguro NOT really in the same spectrum with other mental health illness / disorder, pero alam ko def may issues ako.
