[Spoilers for tma episode 117 -Testament]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE TITLE IS "TESTAMENT"
2nd August 2017... I don't know how much time they've got until the Unknowing, but if you tell me it almost happened on my birthday... (August 16th)
"I wanted to get some thoughts down before… everything. We all should, actually; I’ll mention it to them." THIS IS MAKING ME SO NERVOUS. WHY DO YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE. THIS IS A POSSIBILITY BUT I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. YOU ALL STAY ALIVE.
"We’re to sneak in as best we can; Daisy will set the charges while we, what was the phrase she used, “run interference”. Then we set them off once the ritual begins. Gertrude’s notes were pretty clear: unless the ritual is underway, any damage we do can be easily repaired. But if we time it right, it’ll be… centuries, maybe, before they can try again. Of course, if we time it wrong …" Better not time it wrong, then. This is going to be alright, I'm sure.
"Elias seems pretty insistent I go along. Part of me thinks it’s just so he can see if whatever this “preparation” he’s been trying to do on me works. And you know what? That same petty little part of me rather
hopes it doesn’t." Even if it does, pretend it doesn't, just to annoy him.
"Even so, I, I— It wouldn’t feel right not going. I think Basira is the same. She’s coming along to back up Daisy, or so she says. I don’t quite get those two. I suppose what they’ve done, seeing what they’ve seen… It’s a hell of a bond." A bond quite difficult to describe, but definitely real, and deep.
Yeah, giving up on paranoia! Character development for Jon!
"And I don’t think that can happen naturally for me anymore, so I’m making a decision. I trust them. All of them. Except Elias, obviously" Duh. But he trusts them! HE TRUST THEM! Season 2 Jon could never.
"I mean, I’ve listened to the tapes. I’ve listened to the tapes – I know what they talk about behind my back." He heard all the horrible stuff... But also, he did hear the gossip👀
"How much they’ve… suffered, because of this place. Because of me. God, poor Melanie…" Don't blame yourself, it was Elias' fault. He's the one who chose to make her suffer.
"And aside from some, uh, office gossip, which, I’m not sure is… necessary, uh, or conducive to a workplace that… hm. It’s natural. It’s normal. There’s no… sinister hidden motives, or… It’s fine. It’s fine." HE GETS FLUSTERED WHEN MENTIONING THE GOSSIP, AND WE KNOW EXACTLY WHY LOL
"I do worry about Martin and Melanie, leaving them behind, but I suppose that’s part of trusting someone, isn’t it? Letting them help how they can." They're gonna do great, I just know it.
"I found something on the other body the circus stole,
this “George Icarus”. " Oh?
"it looks like the plot and the headstone were paid for by… the
Magnus Institute." What???
WAIT, THAT'S JURGEN LEITNER????
Oh. I... wasn't expecting that. Welp.
They're all gonna be recording something, their thoughts and stuff... I'm telling you, I'm gonna cry by the end of this episode. 95% sure.
"I don’t want to be here, but by the end. I didn’t want to be police either, so … Guess I don’t really know what I do want, which— Maybe that’s just as well." Oh. I really hope she will eventually be free, that she can leave the Institute and figure out what she wants to do...
"I don’t know; I feel kind of bad. Everyone seems to be having a much worse time of it than me, but I was meant to be the hostage. It’s amazing how much you can ignore when you keep your head in a book." MOOD. But please don't feel bad about doing pretty much alright, that's a good thing!
"My dad would hate me talking like this. He couldn’t stand people who just passively moaned about their problems. He always said, “If you don’t like something, you accept it and you adapt, or you fight and you change it. Whining doesn’t help.” I always tried to live like that, but I think sometimes you feel like you’re adapting, but it’s just denial. Well, not anymore. I’m going to fight and change it." YEAH, LET'S GO! GO FIGHT, SAVE THE WORLD!
"But at least Daisy’s coming along. I mean, I know she’s… difficult. Everything they say about her, it’s true, it’s fair, but she’s solid. She’s a … a fixed point, and if she’s there, I know exactly where I stand, exactly what I’m doing, relative to her. She has no doubts. We go in, we plant bombs, we leave, we blow it all to hell. Or we die. I don’t think I’ll ever have clarity like that. Despite everything she’s done, she’s still the best partner I ever had." Wow. Their relationship, it's... I don't have the right words for it, but it's something very powerful.
"It’s going to get bad, the sort of bad you can only get through if you stay focused and keep a clear head. You choke down the fear, and not because its feeding some weird, horrible god like Jon thinks, but because that’s how you keep going." I like that mentality. Fight your fear, control it, and figure it all out. (though it's okay to be scared sometimes)
"It’s late. I don’t know what time the others are leaving. Might be tomorrow morning, I guess. They don’t really tell me that sort of thing." Ouch-
"I should probably wish them luck and hope that there isn’t going to be some kind of horrifying apocalypse but… it’s rather hard to hope for anything at the moment." It's understandable...
"I know why I’m not a part of this action. I do. I have my own stuff to take care of. They think they’re giving me a chance to face my demons
by helping to take down Elias." I mean, I guess it could be at least a bit cathartic. Not as satisfying as other options, but...
"They don’t get that the only way to deal with something like him is to watch his eyes go dead with your hands around his throat. I’ll play it their way for now, but when it comes down to it, I want to see him dead." I understand. It's totally fair that she feels like that. I understand, I really do. But... the problem is that it would mean killing everyone too. One day, when they will be be free, then maybe...
"I … I’m so angry. Sometimes, when John’s going off on one about his
latest “insight”, it’s all I can do not to punch him in the teeth. I feel like I’ve always been fighting. No-one makes space for people like me. You’ve got to elbow the comfortable idiots out of the way and then claw your way up with gritted teeth. I’ve had to struggle for everything. I know it sounds stupid, to call starting a ghost hunting show a fight, but it was. Tooth and nail. And I won."
I fully understand her anger. It's very relatable, and fair.
"For all the good it’s done me: still stuck; still miserable; still angry. New
traumas, but they hurt just like the old ones." I feel that.
"When did I start to lose the parts of me that weren’t just anger?" Oh, Melanie... Somebody give her a hug...
"So, if you listen to this, Jon, if you survive, I know you wanted a statement about my trip to India. So… Well…" Oh, she's finally gonna explain that!
"In 1919, British troops massacred almost a thousand unarmed civilians in Amritsar. You know I was looking into spectres of war and violence, and I found reports that these soldiers’ ghosts were still manifesting. I did my research and I figured out where and when I thought it was going to happen next." Okay...
"they did manifest, but they weren’t what I thought they’d be, they were… fused somehow, all… mixed together. A huge angry mass of dead flesh. And guns." Oh, ew
"It turned out their bullets were more solid than I’d have guessed for ghostly antiques and one of them got me. I had it sewn up at the hospital, said I’d been mugged, although the scans couldn’t find anything in there" Ouch. The scans couldn't find anything, so was it like... a ghost bullet? Did it just disappear, or was it there but the scans just couldn't see it? If that's the case... is the bullet still there??? That might be dangerous, I'm getting concerned about her health...
"So yes, that’s it. That’s all you’re getting because it hurt like hell to live through and I didn’t do it so you could stroke your chin and call it fascinating." lol
"Good luck, Jon. I do hope you win. But I also hope it hurts." Oh. Well.
"Oh, I don’t want that to be my last message, the thing that defines me. “Martin Blackwood. He was always scared, then he died. The end.” I don’t want that. But it’s true, isn’t it? I mean, if you’re right, if these things out there are eating our fear then I’m a, a … luxury smorgasboard, I suppose? I’m just afraid all the time." And that's totally alright. It's okay to be scared.
It reminds me of what Clara said about being scared, in that one episode of Doctor Who, Listen. "Fear doesn't have to make you cruel or cowardly. Fear can make you kind."
(Her whole speech about fear was really cool, btw)
"This feels like an ending, or something, like nothing can go back to normal after this." Yeah, it will be different, I can feel it...
"But hey, I mean, what’s normal, right? Is living in an old document storage normal? Is losing a friend and not even noticing normal Corridors? Evil all-seeing managers?" That wasn't part of the job description...
"I need them to be safe."
He loves him so much, I'm gonna cry
"I’m not afraid for me, though. Isn’t that weird?" When you worry so much about someone you really care about, you don't have the time to be afraid for yourself...
"I mean, it’s not like I’m going to be safe, like my plan’s not dangerous. But it’s mine. This last couple of years I’ve always been running, always hiding, caught in someone else’s trap. But now it’s my trap, and… well … I think it’ll work. I know, it’s not exactly intricate, but it felt good, weaving my own little web." I don't know what your plan is but I 100% support it. You go, fight in your own way! (Don't put yourself in too much danger though)
"I hope Jon doesn’t actually listen to these." He does, though.
WHICH MEANS HE WILL HEAR WHAT HE SAID ABOUT NEEDING HIM TO BE OK
" “Good Lord! Is Martin becoming some sort of spider-person?” No, John, it’s an expression. Chill out." LOL
"Besides, spiders are fine! I mean, yes, people are scared of them, obviously, but actual spiders, they just want to help you out with flies." And mosquitoes! They keep mosquitoes away too!
I found a spider in a stack of paper this morning. I put it outside.
"This way, I finally get to do something. It’s going to hurt, but… I’m ready. And I want to." What do you mean "it's going to hurt", NO-
"Also, I get to burn some stuff so that’s cool." YAY! ...What are you gonna burn?
"I just… really hope everyone else makes it back. I don’t want to win on my own." It would be a bitter victory...
"Just don’t die, Jon. Or Tim. Or Basira. Or Daisy, I guess. Just everyone please make it back home." YES, YOU BETTER ALL COME OUT OF THIS ALIVE.
Martin is really one of my favourite characters, I love him very much
Daisy's turn was... short. Very much in character. She's preparing for the mission.
"I don’t know what you are. I don’t even know if you’re listening. I don’t care. Just, if you’re there, I want you to know that I hate you. I hate you for witnessing what’s happened to us." I'm sorry Tim😭
"I used to blame my brother, for going off on one and poking around where he wasn’t wanted. I used to blame myself for not helping him. But now… Now it doesn’t matter." At least he's not blaming himself anymore, yay?
"The only thing you need to have your life destroyed by this stuff is just bad luck. Talk to the wrong person, take the wrong train, open the wrong door, and that’s it." Sometimes, stuff just... happens, and you can't help it...
"I’m going to hurt them, though. I’m going to hurt the thing that stole my brother and wrecked my life. I’m the ‘distraction’. If it looks like any of the… circus folk, mannequins, whatever, are going to see the others, I’m to make the biggest mess I can. Draw them away; keep them busy. I know what it means. They gave it to me because they think I’ll get angry and do something stupid anyway. And they’re probably right. So maybe it’s for the best." YEAH, GO ON, DESTROY THEM!
"From what I can tell, there’s only one person who’s managed to hurt them, to really hurt them. And that’s Gertrude Robinson. She was cold, ruthless, and she hit them when they were vulnerable, and she sacrificed a lot of people to do it." Yeah...
"Honestly? I hope that Jon learns something from her, because… because I don’t expect I’m going to be coming back from this. I don’t know if I want to. And if he needs to pull the trigger, to use me to stop it, well he’d better have the guts to do it." TIM NO DON'T SAY THAT. YOU BETTER COME BACK FROM THIS YOU IDIOT.
"I, uh, I haven’t burned it. Gerard’s page. Gerry." WHY DIDN'T YOU BURN IT, JON???? BURN THIS PAGE. NOW.
"I… I know there’s more he could tell me. He wouldn’t, of course, I know that, but he… It would still be there. That knowledge, it would still exist. I-I-I can’t. I want to help, I want to… I’m scared." THEN DO IT SCARED, BUT JUST DO IT. HE DESERVES HIS FREEDOM.
(I'm actually crying. I didn't cry during episode 111 but I'm crying now, it doesn't make any sense...)
HE DID IT, HE BURNED THE PAGE (though it hurt him?)
Wow, what an emotional episode. I loved it. I wanna give them all a hug and tell them that it's gonna be alright, that they will succeed.
I'm worried about them and I just hope they're not gonna get hurt, or at least not too much.
PLEASE STAY ALIVE, ALL OF YOU
I'm so nervous about how it will unfurl, but I wanna hope. They're gonna be alright. All of them.
(And if not, I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow, so maybe I'll get some tissues for my tears)
dededos
theartofmadeline
germansingergirl
snowghoul
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
