Chronicles of the chronically lost

My life with chronic illness.

[cloudnein-blog]

Finally, a diagnosis!

Alright, so I'm super tired and swamped from work/school, but here it is.

I had my neurological assessment last week, and this Monday I went back for the results. 

In short, my problem solving skills scored in the 98th percentile (yay!)

But my working memory (which would be used for things like math, left/right differentiation, etc) scored in the >1 percentile, which is....really bad. I basically have no working memory. 

My neuropsych says he thinks it's a severe case of ADHD that was never caught because I don't display the usual stereotypical symptoms (hyperactivity and such). 

After the initial shock wore off (because I never in a million years would have guessed it was ADHD) I felt like crying, because literally an entire life of being told "You're so smart, but you don't apply yourself!" was righted. I WAS applying myself. Hours and hours spent studying and doing math problems that might as well have been jibberish, all while having family and teachers remark about how I just didn't WANT to achieve in math, because hey, I was good at everything else, right? 

So there. I finally have some answers, and all it took was 22 years and one person to believe me when I said that there was something wrong.

[delusioninabox]

[camdrogynous]

This so much right now

[livingwithadhd]

I figured us ADHD kids have heard enough of the “try harder” broken record to last the rest of our lives.

[fairys-brew-deactivated20161004]

Hey, I hope all ya’ll are plannin’ on signin this petition to recognize Autism Speaks as a hate group and revoke it’s nonprofit status. Atm, it only has 4k signatures, and it needs 95,340 more before May 1st. Come on, get signin’ guys!

[cloudnein-blog]

Update on Neuropsych:

I had my testing done on Friday. He thinks he knows what's wrong, but he won't tell me until I go back on Monday. The not knowing is killing me.

He did tell me that he thought it was Gerstmann syndrome, but now he thinks it's something else. He said it was 100% not a learning disability, and that I was on the wrong meds (Zoloft). 

He also said that there is definitely an identifiable part of my brain that isn't working. I know I did badly on the tests involving numbers (counting backwards by three's) and remembering. He also made me draw a complicated geometric shape once while looking at an example, and then twice more from memory, which I couldn't do??? 

If anyone had any knowledge of neuropsychological testing, I'd appreciate any input. I'm so curious, and waiting til Monday is driving me crazy. 

[peachvenom-deactivated20180104]

sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants

[residentsuperhero]

This is truly inspirational. If you ever get down, just remember, your life helps to keep other things alive. 

[cloudnein-blog]

I'm feeling really bad tonight.

And my roommate is making me go on a drive with him tonight. I told him I didn't feel up to it, but he's insisting I go. I'm almost in tears because I don't want to go, but if I refuse, he'll spend the next week "punishing" me for it by ignoring me and being passive-aggressive. I don't know what to do. 

I know he only wants to hang out because he wants to rant about how he's worried that someone is stealing his identity (they're 100% not; he's just paranoid. We go through this exact same thing about once a month). I don't have the spoons for it. Not even close. 

[cloudnein-blog]

I finally heard back from my neuropsych.

I have an appointment for testing on April 4th. I'm extremely excited/nervous. I'm so happy that I'm finally (hopefully) going to get some answers.

[cloudnein-blog]

In the middle of wedding planning!

oh my god how do i adult

[amorevitae]

seeing as everyone has raised so much awareness for breast cancer on facebook recently, I would really love it if my tumblr friends/followers would share this post to raise some awareness for the condition i suffer from - cystic fibrosis. there’s no cure for my condition BUT we are so close to getting one. All we need is more awareness! cystic fibrosis is a GENETIC condition that mainly affects the lungs and digestive system. It’s a fault in my dna, and it causes thick sticky mucus to gather around my lungs and other organs.this then makes me more vulnerable to dangerous bacteria growing in my lungs and more lung infections. with every lung infection i get, the tissue in my lungs get damaged more every time. around 2.5 MILLION of you in the uk carry the “cf” gene, and if two people with the cf gene have a baby, the baby has a 1 in 4 chance of having cystic fibrosis. thats what happened to my mum and dad and me, and to around 10,000 people in the uk. there are only 80,000 people in the world with my condition and its a very serious life-threatening disease. the life expectancy is just 41 years old but with ongoing research it goes up every year. nobody knows what it is unless they know someone with it (like me) so PLEASE PLEASE would anyone just reblog this status to raise awareness. children and young adults still die because of this disease because some people have it A LOT worse than others. I may look healthy on the outside but on the inside its a different story. my condition will inevitably get worse over time but there are treatments and medication to delay the damage. If you want to donate any money to the cystic fibrosis trust you can just text CFTG14 and the amount you want to donate (for example £1) and text it to 70070. There is a high possibility that a cure will happen in my lifetime, we just NEED the awareness. unlike cancer, we don’t have millions of pounds being donated every day and it would be AMAZING if it happened to us. If you don’t want to donate thats fine, just please reblog or even like it to make it appear on everyones dashboard. thank you!

[pinataparty23-deactivated201404]

life is easy, son. it’s just like riding a bike that’s on fire and you’re on fire and everything is on fire and you’re in hell

[planetofvenus-deactivated201809]

More people are concerned with why women stay in abusive relationships than why men are abusing women

[cloudnein-blog]

Where do you see your neuropsych? :)

Evansville, IN. :) He's the only one in the area, so I really lucked out.

[disorderdconduct]

When you mention your chronic fatigue and the person you’re talking to responds with,"Oh! I’m tired all the time too!"

[cloudnein-blog]

My GPA is crap now, and I feel like a total failure for not being able to graduate in 4 years.

It looks like I've got another year and a half, at least.

[cfsfmmcsandrelatedstudies]

Often people with a chronic illness when asked how they’re feeling will answer, “I’m fine,” when what they really want to say is, “Do you know how amazing I am? Do you know what it takes to get through my day? How much I get done proportionate to the little bit of...

[howitfeelstohavelymedisease]

When a random doctor surprises me and understands my illness

[quoteverse]

I’m doing badly, I’m doing well; whichever you prefer.

Franz Kafka  (via safeslut)