Lovely

screaming into the void

[wingkink]

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

[yuricin]

yeah, i hate everything that my abusers did. but what disgusts and angers me more than anything that they did, is the fact that they're living their best lives, with no consequences. meanwhile, i'm still trying to fucking repair the life that they ruined for me

[cry-baby6]

[wordx]

“My crime was feeling everything too deeply, my punishment was surviving it.”

— Fyodor Dostoevsky

[wordx]

“In a sense, I'm the one who ruined me: I did it myself.”

— Haruki Murakami

[cloudyskves]

Train thoughts #1

Traveling through my home state has reminded me so much of the home I had to leave behind because of the trauma. He made me hate a state that I love. The similarities between my home state and the state I love so dearly is shocking. The tiny towns that dot the map, the acres of farms that are being bought up by big corporations, the cities that you only vist because you have to see the doctor or because you want to go to the mall, the communities that everyone builds because the government has given up on us, the way everyone else looks down on you for being from Hickville, U.S.A, roads being named after someone important but no one remembers why they are important. I yearn to go back to the state I love so dearly, but I can't. Not until he leaves. When he finally leaves, then I will be free and can return to my other home.

I know why he picked to move there. Because like me, it reminds him so much of his home state. Maybe that's why we found comfort in each other. We were both outrunning our pasts, and found comfort in each other arms. Doesn't matter what damage he did to me. For one moment, I found comfort. The similarities between us are scary, most nights it keeps me awake.

I miss my family that I have there. I miss the friends I left behind. I miss the life my partner and I were creating before it was ripped away from us. I wish to go back. I want to go back to my old apartment, the one that gave me comfort and security when I was too scared to go outside. I want to go back to my old employer, see all of the children I had to leave behind.

Please Lord, send me back home. Send him away. Let me go back and find peace in the town I had to leave behind. I wish to go back one more time to see the rodeos. To see the impact my family has had on their small town. I want to go back to the city I left behind and walk around the dying mall one more time. I want to walk the trail that helped me leave the house. I just want to go back to my second home and feel at peace the way I do in my home state.

[princefable]

ur worth it all

[cloudyskves]

Long distance with my partner really did show me the true meaning of Francesca by Hozier because even though it has been sheer hell, the worst pain imaginable, so many goodbyes not knowing when we'd see each other again, promising to see each other soon, so many nights crying together because the pain of being apart is too much, I know that I genuinely would do it all over again because I know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I would go through all of the pain, just to be able to be with him again through it all.

[mournfulroses]

Ariel Day, from a poem titled "Long Term Memory," featured in Black Roses: Poems about Love, Heartbreak, Mental Health, Self Love

[mournfulroses]

Anaïs Nin, from a letter to Henry Miller written c. January 1933, featured in A Literate Passion

[songbirdsdawn]

(art cred left to right top to bottom cj_khalifp, eikko_0, mrsvnk, 01130-art, amoural, leulahart, varoness, jonsawilldanceanon, andietwt)

[impure-as-a-lamb]

[easybreezyscatterbrain]

he wasn’t a monster. he was a person. the man who assaulted me was a human being. he wasn’t some creature in the shadows, or a beast in the woods. he was a man who looked at me and smiled at me and kissed me and held my hand and made me into his prey.

[cloudyskves]

I've stopped correcting people and everyone has forgotten that I'm nonbinary, but I still remember 16 year old me looking in the mirror sobbing because I looked too feminine.

I've stopped caring if people know I'm nonbinary or not, but I still remember the conversation with my partner explaining that I'm not a girl.

I've stopped trying to make people see me as nonbinary, but I still remember begging my parents to use they/them with me and crying when they wouldn't.

I've just grown tired of it, but I still remember all of the hell I went through as a teenager to be seen as nonbinary only for it to never matter.

[beware-of-kat]

I don’t care if it only happened once. I don’t care if he didn’t touch me. I don’t care if it wasn’t overtly nfsw!

It was degrading. It was humiliating. It made me feel like a fucking animal.

[b0necollect0r]

[lestatslestits]

Can anyone else relate