𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕞𝕒𝕟'𝕤 𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕒𝕥

[ the entire lake turns over, & now YOU & ME are floating faceup. ]

[clwmarks]

clwmarks // a private blog for thefaultlinehq. penned by dee.

introducing yujin park ( he/him ) // twenty-eight // bartender &&. hitman

( you ask me about love and i tell you about violence ) ↳ introduction &&. pinterest &&. musings

and rosalia santoro ( she/her ) // twenty-three // receptionist

( i am quiet, i bury no one, blood is drying beneath my nails ) ↳ introduction &&. pinterest &&. musings

[capaddes]

"Oh yeah? And what cult would that be?" Nicky watches her over the rim of his drink, hiding the smile with the cup. "The one where everybody's gotta be nice to each other even if they suck?" Rosa had a habit of finding redeeming qualities in people who'd done nothing to earn them. She didn't seem to understand that some people deserved a grudge. It was a flaw. Probably. Nicky hadn't decided. Well, she needed one. "First of all, to your first of all," he says, "You better know who he’s you know. This valley ain't that big, and neither's the dating pool. You really wanna start fishin' in his waters?" Now he's the one who has to shake it off. "But you're right. I think you're right. Probably." Again, he hasn't decided. "I guess it all makes its way around eventually, I was just wonderin'." A beat. "You think you'll ever see yourself bein' more, y'know, in it?"

[clwmarks]

"yeah, that cult, and we all wear high-collared shirts and only have sex after marriage," rosa remarked. it was awfully dry, coming from her, but any intent in tone was easily lost with how quickly she had spat out the words. even when she joked, she tripped over herself to stop speaking as soon as she could. at nicky's next words, she frowned. "i -- i really doubt i'm fishing in his waters," rosa said. maybe it was the age gap between them, the fact that she so distinctly remembered fran dating people before she'd even had her braces taken out. she really hoped they weren't somehow looking at the same fish, that would really freak her out. "are you worried about fishing in his waters?" and she asked, even if the question physically made her cringe. his next question, she had no answer for. not a good one, anyway. what good answer could she have? "i don't know if it's a good idea if i'm more in it."

[asinsilkytragedy]

Scout blinked at Rosa for half a second like she genuinely hadn’t realized she’d been doing it, which honestly only made the whole thing worse. She immediately waved a dismissive hand between them like none of this mattered at all. “Oh my god, okay, sorry for noticing you’re pretty,” she said quickly, leaning hard into sarcasm because the sincerity in Rosa’s voice was starting to make her chest hurt in ways she absolutely did not appreciate. “Must be soooo difficult for you. Thoughts and prayers.” The joke came out easy enough, but Scout’s eyes kept darting away every few seconds because Rosa looking at her that softly after everything felt deeply unfair. Most people got angry when you disappeared on them. Most people yelled. Scout almost wished Rosa would. It would’ve been easier to deal with than this weird gentle honesty that made guilt crawl all over her skin like ants.

Then Rosa said she liked that Scout was loud, that she stood up for herself, and Scout visibly faltered before recovering with another crooked grin that didn’t quite reach her eyes this time. “Yeah, well,” she muttered, shoulders lifting in a lazy shrug that looked more defensive the longer somebody stared at it. “Somebody had to do the yelling.” Her throat suddenly felt tight in a way she hated. Rosa saying she hoped Scout still stood up for herself landed harder than it should have because the truth was Scout wasn’t even sure anymore if she fought for herself or just fought because it was the only thing she knew how to do. She rubbed awkwardly at the back of her neck before scoffing lightly. “Also, for the record, you’re being way too nice to me right now.” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, though there was no real venom behind it. “Like, I ghosted you for years and ran away without saying shit, and you’re over here acting like I brought you flowers.” Scout pointed at Rosa accusingly now, almost offended by the kindness. “Call me a bitch or throw something at my head or something, Rosa. You’re making this weird.”

[clwmarks]

"i'm -- i'm just wondering why you're saying it," rosa said, voice shrinking as though the lowered volume was an apology on its own. truth was, she hadn't been close to the other girl in so long that reading her did not come easily to rosa anymore. it meant that the dismissive wave, the words, felt more exaggerated than anything of scout that had lingered in rosa's mind. and she wanted to understand, she truly did, but she was always a half step behind. always on the other side of the door after scout had long gone already.

rosa shook her head. "you didn't -- didn't have to do the yelling." that had to sat a little too tightly in rosa's throat, faced with this idea that scout had needed to make up for something rosa lacked, rather than had wanted to. they were opposites. rosa had always thought that simply meant they balanced each other out. now, she worried that she had somehow enforced it. that maybe scout had wanted to live in this quieter space that rosa occupied and hadn't shifted from. as if to make up for this, when scout said call me a bitch, rosa braced herself. she stood a little taller, a little closer to her actual height, a little less slouched, a little more feigned confidence in her pulled-back shoulders. she took this deep breath; it immediately gave away just how unnatural this was to her. "o-okay," rosa said. "you're a bitch." she swallowed down the urge to add a 'did that help?' afterwards.

[clwmarks]

she's dyed her hair pink for the occasion

attending with tyler sharma ( @cstlavietes )

[clwmarks]

you can take his weather-inappropriate fit and his leather gloves from his cold, dead hands

attending with luz rivera ( @luzriveras )

[capaddes]

A bark of laughter tears out of him before he can stop it. He folds at the waist, one hand braced against his stomach, the other reaching blindly at Yujin for something to steady himself on. "Shut up, man. Tellin' me that with a straight face is crazy." Nicky looks back at the toddler, who’s busy with some intensely important toddler business, completely unbothered by the identity crisis unfolding around them. "Why's Buffy hidin' a whole ass baby, huh?" He leans forward, lowering his voice conspiratorially. "Don't tell me she's sellin' it. Is that what this is? You babysittin' till she finds a buyer?"

[clwmarks]

he stood perfectly still at nicky's reaction in that distinct way of a prey animal that had been stumped out of all its other instincts. some confusion to the sinking of his brow, a puzzled twitch to the corner of his mouth. "i.. i am telling you with a straight face," he said, but the way yujin said it wasn't particularly convincing. like he had now lost the plot himself, and no longer believed his own words. his gaze turned to luna, like he needed to check if his own toddler was in fact standing in front of him. "nicky, that's illegal," yujin said. "you can't sell kids, that's literally illegal." as though most of what the two men were involved with wasn't illegal, too.

[luzriveras]

he touched her jaw so gently that it almost made her forget about that coat entirely. this odd little thing in the car with them, this concept she'd spoken into existence in that breathless way that now lingered beside the gentle and the hurried and the impatient. his hand cupped her jaw and luz faltered. fingers brushed over her skin so uncharacteristically delicate for any hookup she'd had the misfortune of meeting so far and it made her eyes snap back to catch his. luz's knees were digging into leather seats, legs spread wide and her hands lingered on an undone belt and it was a gentle touch that got to her.

it almost made her want to run. she wasn't used to gentle. there had always been some form of violence attached to every act of softness. until kiana had taken her in, anyway. at the start, that had made her want to run, too. perhaps the first sign of her betterment had been that she hadn't denied herself that bit of kindness. as she looked down at yujin, as she could downright see him gathering his thoughts while looking at that bunched up coat, luz wondered why she should deny herself this, too. i just thought i'd look cool in it, he said, and luz couldn't help but let out this surprised giggle, breathless and delighted. "do you? might turn out a bit sweaty around these parts."

if anything, it was the tremble in his tone that made her kiss him again, deep and searching, licking behind his teeth as though to coax something out of him that only teeth and tongue could manage to. and then, she slid down into the narrow space between the seats, planted firmly on her knees between his legs, hands working to free him from his pants just enough. she paused again, then, for the briefest moment where she blinked, thought, and then looked up at him through hooded eyes. "don't be too gentle," she said, before luz leaned in, lips sinking down around him.

[clwmarks]

he caught this recalculation behind her eyes and he sat, breathless and in waiting, pinned between her thighs, trying to figure out if he had already crossed a line. yujin was never quite sure if gentleness was something he had long-forgotten and now only mimicked, or if it lived somewhere under his skin, sat beside the same kind of honesty he could never keep himself from spilling, this ever-existing need to be good, despite. these remnants of who he was, rather than who he often needed to be. the result had been the same regardless; she looked at him a little differently. he was trying to frame it in his understanding, but was interrupted by her giggle, the odd delight laced through it, the way it echoed in the confined space. it almost felt unbelonging to the moment, like the intensity of the moment ( a girl in his lap, the air heating up around them, the darkening sky outside ) just couldn't exist alongside such simplicity, alongside something close to fragile.

"well, i don't wear it out here, do i? i'd look ridiculous pulling up in that coat in this weather," he lamented, though the dryness of his tone didn't stick as sufficiently as it usually did -- he was laughing too.

then her mouth was on his again, and he almost regretted that laughter, because his lungs were entirely lacking in air now. he held her closely, a little less gentle, a little more hunger, right up until she slid from his grip entirely, ended up in front of him, looked up at him like that.

"shit, okay--"

but when she said don't be too gentle, yujin took it as a dance, a give-and-take. because sure, one of his hands dug harshly into the leather of the seat, but the other reached for her, brushed some locks from her face until he held most of her hair between tightly cramped fingers, like he was trying to make sure it wouldn't get in her way. his breathing grew more shallow, the air in his lungs almost painfully warm then. he couldn't look away from her, but this seemed as out of his control as the moment that followed in which he tugged on her hair a little too tightly. he couldn't stop himself from these things -- from how his free hand wandered to her shoulder, fingers digging into skin rather than leather now, from how he could only tear his gaze away when the alternative would be too overwhelming, but was drawn right back to her regardless.

"fuck," he choked out, "you look so good like that."

[fransiscosantoro]

his breath shuddered out of his lungs in this pathetic, shaky way once the door opened to reveal rosalia. francis had been holding it unknowingly as much as it'd been a conscious choice, as though not breathing would leave him suspended in time. would leave him forever in this world where his sister was fine and unharmed. there was no noise, either. only when that door opened did he realize that the dogs were barking. that was the only thing out of the ordinary.

fran, are you okay?

the words spurred him into action; the hesitant tone, her small frame and the giant dogs behind her, the sentinels that were doing just what they were supposed to. wordlessly, fransisco took her by the shoulders and pushed her inside, kicking the door shut behind him to leave the outside world where it belonged for once. his hands slipped from her shoulders up to cup her cheeks, fingers tracing over the sides of her neck and her jaw as if to make sure no one had tried to draw her life from her throat, too. "are you okay?" his words came out dipping in urgency, dripping with restlessness. "are you okay, fran?"

[clwmarks]

"h-hey, hey, fran ---" she had tried to study him, had tried to place his movement into a pattern she could understand. rosa was very often caught in the realisation that she didn't know francis as well as she liked to think, and was still waiting for that realisation to stick. when he moved her into the house with such urgency, she half-considered not taking those steps backwards to accommodate him. to see if she could catch him off-guard as he had done to her. then, the more familiar part of her, the shaking reflex of her every worry, took over, and she only snapped her fingers at the dogs to move back and make space. her chest heaved all of a sudden, the only movement in her now ever-so-still body.

he was looking at her like that, he was searching for something she couldn't provide. she concluded before he spoke up again what he was asking for. of course she was okay, but she doubted the answer would change anything for him, not when his eyes scanned her so frantically and still didn't seem to be satisfied with the living, breathing result. "f-fran, i'm fine. i'm -- i'm fine, fran--" she never stuttered like this in front of him. something had crumbled in her composure. he could see she was okay, but maybe that wasn't truly the question. it was whether she would still be okay tomorrow. it was whether he'd be the next santoro to be found bloodied and lifeless. "please, can you just -- are you okay?" which wasn't her asking that, truly. because he seemed shaken, but perfectly alive. it was asking if he would be okay.

[tunne1vision]

had romy been rambling? she realized perhaps a couple seconds before yujin had spoken up, when she'd finally gone quiet, that she probably had been. since they'd left the constant murmur of chatter behind at the coffee shop, she'd felt the need to create some sort of noise. since screaming wasn't the most inviting option, she'd opted for slipping into a long-winded explanation of the origins of the witching hour. she'd been thinking about it not long before she'd come upon josephina; where the terminology came from and what different groups had tried to use it to their benefit. the physiological explanations. it all left her in a humdrum tone of uniformity.

when she came to a stop—when yujin casually shifted the conversation elsewhere—romy's flat expression cracked with minor amusement. a raise of her brows, a small tilt of her head in his direction. "you have a cat?" she started, then added, "you named your cat princess blueberry sprinkles?" despite her lack of energy, there was no masking her amused surprise. she would've sooner guessed smoky or asmodeus or cigarette.

[clwmarks]

he had let her ramble. he had taken it as a sign of life, more than anything. or rather, a sign of her trying to cope. to fill silences where they were unfamiliar, where they let one wander away too much with one's thoughts. he understood it, even if he tried not to indulge it -- when yujin rambled, he tended to say the wrong thing. romy rattled off explanations with the same intonation she had once used to explain maths homework to him. he wondered if she realised, if she was living close enough to her words in that moment to see -- they were walking around town in a way that almost felt familiar. and almost, in this sense, was a tragedy in and of itself.

"yeah, i have a cat. i don't understand why people keep being surprised when i mention this--" so sure, he was playing a bit of a role, but he considered he was just doing his part in giving her a response that was a bit more lively than his usual. as if to make up for it, to make up for how hollow she had seemed before. maybe this was his way of filling the silence. "i call her blue for short," he said, nodded. none of this took away from the fact that his cat was called princess blueberry sprinkles. "look, i didn't name her. she came to me with the name." which was.. sort of true, in that he had asked his daughter to name the cat when it had only been a hypothetical idea, and the name had been established before he'd even found a cat to fit. "it just suits her, is all."

[asinsilkytragedy]

location: a bar

@clwmarks (yujin)

The networking event had been exactly what Asena expected: expensive perfume lingering in the air, polished smiles hiding sharp ambition, and powerful people pretending their conversations were casual when every word was calculated. She had worked the room flawlessly for hours, charming judges, donors, business owners, and city officials alike with the kind of effortless grace she had spent her entire life perfecting. It was exhausting in a way she would never openly admit. Still, Asena thrived on it too much to stop. The praise, the attention, the subtle shift in a room when she entered it. She liked being admired. Maybe a little too much. By the time the event finally started thinning out, Asena slipped onto one of the empty barstools with a quiet exhale, setting her clutch carefully beside her as she rolled one shoulder slightly beneath the structured sleeve of her blazer. “God,” she murmured dryly to herself, “if one more person calls me impressive tonight, I may actually start billing for it.”

Then she looked up and immediately froze for half a second at the sight behind the bar. Yujin. Of course. Because apparently the universe enjoyed testing her patience personally. Internally, Asena could already feel the memory of that awkward morning creeping back in. Her practically having to spell out for him to leave her apartment while he lingered around her kitchen being strangely charming about it. Mortifying, honestly. But if there was one thing Asena Sahin knew how to do, it was recover gracefully. Her expression smoothed almost instantly into something composed and lightly amused as she rested one elbow against the bar. “Well,” she said smoothly, dark eyes meeting his with clear recognition but zero panic, “this feels significantly more professional than the last time I saw you in a kitchen.” The corner of her mouth curved slightly afterward, slightly playful. “Can I get a grapefruit tequila sour?” she asked casually, like running into a former one night stand unexpectedly after practically evicting him from her apartment was a perfectly normal occurrence. Then, after a beat, she tilted her head slightly, gaze flicking over him with quiet amusement. “You clean up nicely for a bartender, by the way. Very unfair advantage for tips.”

[clwmarks]

yujin was a shitty bartender, but this was less noticeable at events than it was on any ordinary night. here, people had to save face, come away with their reputation vaguely intact, survive the night more than enjoy it. for yujin, it meant no one would pick a fight over his awful pour or his refusal to do his job half of the time. if anything, he had taken it as a night off work entirely. he'd turned his back to the room ( and this had taken some internal struggle ), had cleaned glasses, whatever else needed cleaning. he was lucky that tonight's guests were the kind of people to metaphorically backstab, rather than plunge a knife into his shoulder when he wasn't looking.

he had felt the thinning out of the crowd more than he had seen it. less eyes on him, less scattered noise, a sense of quiet ( whether this was dread or a relief ) returning to the bar area. yujin still had his back turned when he heard someone mutter behind him, and though the voice struck him with an odd sense of alarm, he delayed whatever reveal would unfold when he were to turn back around. "i'd call you impressive, but it seems like such a generic compliment."

then he did turn. then he was faced with asena, this beat passing in which he had noticed it was her, but she hadn't yet noticed him. he blinked twice. a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth until it grew into a grin he could no longer bite back. when she rested an elbow on the bar, he mimicked on the other side, shoulders low, back curved, his chin resting in his palm. it would've felt intimate if there wasn't sufficient space between them, still. "well, you're in my kitchen now, so.." he said, tone laced with amusement, like he'd taken some odd enjoyment out of stumbling upon this scene. "and i genuinely can't make you that. i can just about tell the different wines apart. it's why i need to clean up nicely when i'm behind the bar, otherwise they would've fired me ages ago."

[ofmoonlightx]

she had noticed his posture, and maybe she was being a little bit rude right now, and having his bend down to her level. to simply address his cut, but it had been a long time. where he didn't always seem like he was waiting for something, or prepared to react if something went wrong. There was no reason for him to feel on edge in the moment, he was at her apartment. safe.

"you never voiced that out." he never told her his concerns, or his fears. why did he keep that all to himself? she had told him about her past, what she was afraid of. He was afraid to lose her. That much he made clear. His voice was raw, like even revealing this information to her was costing everything in him. yet, he was talking anyway, as if he'd lose the very breath he was breathing just to release the words. it would've been you. it was always you. he had known her well enough. her heart was big, and would have found a way for them to make it work. he knew that. her expression had shown surprise for a brief moment, because he was right. she would have been right there by his side. but also, because he didn't want to have put up with it. there was a moment of deep thought. like she was trying to figure out her own emotions at this moment. "you didn't want me to go through that, so you chose to carry it alone?"

I liked that I could pretend to be someone normal. that is what she wanted, a normal relationship . couples doing normal things, having fun, sharing life. "so normal it got this far." to the point of something more, of being something more. parents. she found herself reflecting on what he was saying. there wasn't ever going to be a normal now right? he....works for the mafia. That was a different world entirely. That didn't leave space for them. was it ever going to work? "and now it's not." she stated keeping her eyes on him, the reality settling in, the weight of it all, the veil now being lifted. "Nothing is normal anymore." she paused, she wanted stability, but where they were standing, she wasn't sure that would ever be the case. "now it's a risk."

to say that she's ever seen Yujin like this, she hadn't. not in the way he was staring at her as he let the walls of vulnerability crumble down. He was always so careful, composed, if he wanted to show any kind of emotion, it would only be because he had allowed it. She liked to believe she pulled that out of him naturally. yet, here she was holding his face in her hands, and he was--doing his best not to fall apart. She brushed the strand of hair that fell on his face to the side. There was a braveness that seemed to ignite inside her--or fierceness. Since she became a mom, subtle hints of her sweet personality also gained a protective nature. Not just for her daughter. His hand reached up again, like he was afraid to make contact with her, like he didn't know if he should. was this what she had waited for? the vulnerability in him, to reveal the truth. about his own feelings.

but what?

she tilted her head, she hadn't let him go, but kept him in place. Arisa’s attention lingered on Yujin longer than she probably intended. Her eyes meeting his for a brief moment before drifting downward toward his lips as he spoke, only to return back to his eyes again. A quiet rhythm. Subtle enough that most people would not notice it unless they were paying close attention. The kind of gaze that unconsciously traced a triangle between his eyes and mouth before repeating the motion all over again.

don't be stupid.

she told herself. "You didn't know what you wanted it to be like." she repeated, like she was testing the words herself. he didn't have an answer. and so then she finally let go, letting her hands drop down, as she attempted to step back. "but you knew what I wanted it to be like. To maybe know if what you felt for me was real. If any of it was real. Us." all their shared moments. Happily being together. He knew her better than anyone. She felt lied to, and maybe she would get another lie after this. maybe that would be her closure. "Did you love me? even a little?" she whispered, as she wrapped her arms around herself.

[clwmarks]

you chose to carry it alone sat with yujin for a little longer, lingered somewhere in the back of his mouth as a particular bitterness he hadn't needed to consider before. it hadn't really been a choice for so long, it had been a necessity. from when he'd been a kid and couldn't have told anyone, from when he'd been twenty-one with more blood on his hands than he knew what to do with. it couldn't have been a choice, he'd never been familiar with the option to choose, only the option to escape with the least amount of people knowing and the least amount of damage done. and yet, arisa was right. because from her perspective, he had had every opportunity to come forward and confide her. and he'd taken none of them. yujin had only taken action when he felt his hand forced.

"i'm sure you can understand why i didn't want to put that on you. it's not a particularly nice weight to carry," he said, something in his tone detaching from the conversation then. like there was a man that stood in arisa's kitchen, and there was a man that always lived somewhere beyond it.

and for her, all of this had shifted. it wasn't normal anymore, now it was a risk. for him, it had always been a risk. this was the choice he had made, more than any choice to confess -- he had always known it was a bad idea to get too closely involved. and he'd chosen to, anyway. he had stuck it out with her through years, through luna, whatever capacity their relationship took. to him, it had never been normal, he was just forced to confront it now. "it's not normal," yujin affirmed, though he couldn't look her in the eye as he said it. "but it's not a risk. not more than before. do you think i'd ever risk your safety? or luna's?"

he noticed how her gaze shifted, how it flickered between his eyes and his lips. for a moment, that felt unfamiliar. it felt like being examined. and then it didn't. then it made sense to him -- he felt like he had reached an understanding just as her hands dropped, and the moment passed.

and he wanted to fix it. he always wanted to fix things. he showed up empty-handed and incapable, but they could never catch yujin being out of desperately well-intentioned drive to action. he was about to say something, jaw slack, lips dry. he had wanted to say something to fix all of this, to make sense of it, to resolve it as easily and quickly as he had torn everything apart.

but arisa wrapped her arms around herself, and yujin had to conclude that he couldn't move closer then, couldn't say whatever soothing words would've made this right. he leaned back, straightened his spine, more distance between them now as he stood tall once more. he brushed a hand through the stray hairs that had fallen into his face, he exhaled this long, tired breath.

"of course i did," he said. it didn't sit quite right on his tongue. she had enforced the did in did you love me and he knew nothing but to mimic, but it couldn't have been the right word. "the issue isn't whether i did or not. it's whether you believe me when i tell you that."

[brokenxdreams]

"next to children..." nobody in their right mind would want to take a quiet lunch break in such a busy area of the park. even if she couldn't tell he was lying right away, the fact that he even tried to use the lunch bullshit excuse made it extremely obvious. "you'd think after all this time you wouldn't feel the need to lie to me. I don't matter anymore." the words felt foul in her mouth, but they were true. she stopped being important to him a long time ago.

you haven't done anything. except she had. maybe not now, but many years ago. he didn't have to blame her, she did that all on her own. she couldn't remember how many nights she spent awake, going over the events that lead to their lives falling apart and changing so much. that's why she tried to avoid him as much as possible. out of sight, out of mind. or at least, she wished it were true. "no, we're not. I guess we're the people who avoid each other at all cost now. even if our lives will never not be intertwined one way or another."

[clwmarks]

"if me lying to you makes you feel like you matter, i might as well keep up the act. i'm having a great time relaxing on my lunch break next to a bunch of screaming five-year-olds," yujin spoke dryly, nodded once, decisively. this wasn't him indulging a joke as much as it was him admitting defeat; it was him asking to not be prodded further. he knew he'd been circled sufficiently, lies laid bare so easily. he was asking her to give up before he had to truly explain himself. but then he supposed he had no right to ask that of her. he straightened, refused to let his gaze drag back to the sandpit, but was visibly struggling not to. he was distracted, burdened.

at her words, a sickening nostalgia grew in his chest. this mix between an ever-present panic, and the benefit of years of hindsight. like tracing fingers over scars and praying the wounds don't split open again, but refusing to give up on that tracing. "isn't that the case for most people that know each other as kids? of course we're intertwined," yujin said, though the oddness of we stuck on his tongue far beyond the sentence. "i'm just surprised you're here at all. you've had plenty of chances to leave."

[echosnoir]

“nah. no roommate,” he answered, taking a sip out of his wine glass. “used to think about getting one, but…” he trailed off with a small wave of his hand like he didn’t entirely know how to explain it. the quiet here had never really bothered him until recently. until he’d started spending more time in places filled with other people, with noise, with warmth. “i’m not home a ton anyway,” he added casually, though there was something a little quieter sitting underneath it all. he was lonely and often times felt out of place with the world around him. he especially felt out of place with his own family, except for romy, he wasn't too sure he belonged there either.

but then he caught the look in yujin’s eyes again, thoughtful in that observant way of his, and nico’s grin returned quicker this time, lighter on purpose. “alright, c’mon then,” he said, nudging his shoulder gently as he started leading him through the apartment. “welcome to the grand tour of my extremely glamorous estate. if i had any inkling you'd be over i would have had boas out for us to wear throughout the tour. ah well." he pointed things out dramatically as they went—the tiny kitchen he claimed was “for decoration only" (despite actually being a decent cook), the bathroom with a candle collection that had gotten slightly out of hand (because he had a small candle obsession), the little corner near the window where camera equipment and half-developed photos sat stacked together. pieces of him everywhere, scattered through the apartment in messy little bursts. because who nico cole was just a messy little burst of energy.

but it wasn’t until he pushed open the door to his bedroom that the place really shifted into something unmistakably nico. his room looked lived in in the best way. warm lighting cast soft amber tones across the walls, records stacked neatly beside a vintage player in the corner with sleeves spread out like art pieces all on their own. boas—pink, teal, glittery blue—hung off the side of a tall standing mirror, mixed in with necklaces and rings tossed carelessly onto the tray beneath it. the bed was surprisingly neat, dark blankets smoothed out beneath a pile of mismatched pillows, while polaroids and tiny prints were taped around the mirror frame and pinned haphazardly along one wall. there were books half-stacked on the floor, books he never intended to return to the library, sketchpads left open on the desk, little bursts of color and personality everywhere you looked.

it felt creative, alive, comforting. like stepping into the part of nico he didn’t hand out as easily to everyone else. he paused in the middle of his room for a second before glancing back at yujin, suddenly looking a little bashful. "do you like it?"

[clwmarks]

"you should get a cat," yujin said. it was hummed, ever so casual, but with this ever-present need to fix things, this urge that strung tightly under his skin even then, even when in the quiet confines of a trusted space. he never truly sat still, never truly stopped overthinking. "i have a cat. it helps with.. not having a roommate, and stuff." because yujin understood it wasn't necessarily about a roommate at all, it was whether a space, however small, could truly be occupied by only one person if they themselves felt alone.

he watched the grin return to nico's features, and though yujin mimicked, it wasn't as convincing as it could've been. like they were both operating on a certain level of pretense, and yujin was far more ready to drop that act at any given time. "i'm honestly surprised there's not a full welcome committee wearing nothing but boas, i'd expected better from you," yujin remarked, the dryness of his tone carried by his completely neutral expression. watching the place unfold before him was like finding puzzle pieces to a bigger picture he hadn't truly seen before. it started with little parts that simply made sense, the kitchen, the clutter that could've only been acquired by nico specifically, the candles.

nico's bedroom looked like an aftermath of sorts. not of disaster, but simply of all these parts that made sense, had come together, now lay vaguely separated, scattered across the room. the rings, the books on the floor, the sketchpads. somewhere in his mind, yujin thought of this as the sort of place where people got ready for a big night out ( it might've been the boas ). like the excitement, the energy lingered, was only softened by the sunlight streaming into the room. it was something yujin didn't relate to, but recognised with an odd kind of nostalgia, like it was something he had missed out on, was still missing out on.

"yeah, i like it," he said. something in his smile was more genuine then, if only for the fact that it faltered a little, that it softened. he only took one step across the threshold into the room. he was far too conscious of how he normally entered spaces to do anything but linger near the door.

[hanijeong]

as hani mustered the gun, she wondered what had been done to it, to deactivate it. it sat heavy in her hand as she turned it from one side to the other, almost languid in her speed. "yeah, a stress ball won't fuckin' fire a shot if you squeeze it the wrong way," hani shot back, though the retort was half-hearted in its sharpness. skeptically, she glanced over at the guy. "you sure your hobbyist friend won't miss this one?" maybe she could make it functional again.

[clwmarks]

"yeah, neither will this gun, i've been telling you," he said, though he spoke harmlessly at best and there was an audible chuckle stuck in his throat. his hands felt awfully empty now, he pulled at his sleeves -- the movement wasn't exactly stressed, but there was something restless to it. like he was ready to kick into gear, was trying to maintain some focus. yujin shook his head. "i'm sure he won't mind. unless you somehow do shoot someone with it, i reckon his prints are all over it, so.."

[nevofdreams]

Nevin nodded understanding perfectly, and slightly with agreement. She had once known love that was genuine. A very long time ago, while she threaded through the hallways of high school and adolescence. His image never faded from her mind, and though she grew to love her husband, Nevin treasured the memories of him. At times she wondered if Theo did too. “  I think love can be unique for us all. My husband and I…  ” Nevin paused, unsure of how to approach the topic when her feelings had recently become so conflicted. Rhett wasn’t the man she grew to know and love. “  Well, let’s just say we weren’t very conventional. We sought each other out and found exactly what we were looking for. We then put pen to paper that we’d be wed.  ” It wasn’t as perfect to her now as it had once appeared. He’d been everything she wanted and as far as she had been aware then, so had she. But the years had stripped away those rose lenses. “  Once we set our expectations we moved onto the falling in love part.  ” She turned to distract herself with her drink once more. Desperately urging the emptiness in her stomach to retract. There was no place for it presently. A grin replaced the furrowing of her eyebrows, returning joy to her features. “  I mean, it is outdoors. In the thickness of summer at that. Nothing but predatory bugs ready to feast. It’ll be your job to protect us. You got the muscles.  ”

[clwmarks]

he felt like something cracked in his composure. whatever was left of his composure around nevin, anyway; he found her awfully disarming in any case, and he was a bit like a lost puppy at her side, to the point where he himself had taken note of this. but there was this soft tearing, like thin paper that ripped under the ghost of a movement, so minuscule that it couldn't be noticed. in that moment, this last line of sensible defense slipped from him as he considered that maybe the two of them weren't that different. that they had met milestones in unique ways, to say the least, and that they were hardly to be pitied for it. and yet, some part of yujin always wondered who he would've been if he had had a conventional job, and he was curious to know if nevin would've wanted a conventional relationship, just to see what it would've been like. "you know, people say that conventional's kinda boring, anyway," he just muttered in reply, which he supposed was what he often told himself.

but he did notice how quick she was to turn to her drink, to end that sentence, that it took her a beat to gather a grin. he quirked a brow, but left any remark to die on his tongue. instead, he mirrored, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he lifted an arm and ridiculously flexed it. "i think you're capable of taking those bugs out on your own, but i'm more than happy to be of service," he said, a chuckle laced through his tone.

[noctisordo]

﹒ santiago & yujin ( @clwmarks ) ﹒ san diego casino

the   cryptic   message   had   been   received   upon   paper   that   had   seen   better   days   ,   frayed   ,   stained   with   god   knows   what.   this   self   proclaimed   ripper   certainly   had   the   theatrics   down   ,   yet   no   care   for   decorum.   cruz   almost   debated   on   not   attending   for   the   simple   fact   of   appearances.   how   would   he   endure   such   a   grotesque   aesthetic   for   an   evening   ?

❝   they   could   have   at   least   tried   for   a   more   pleasant   look.   ❞   was   that   really   such   an   ask   ?   though   ,   he   supposed   ,   awarding   this   ripper   the   benefit   of   the   doubt   ,   the   event   itself   was   something   held   every   year   by   the   city.   cruz   might   very   well   hold   his   tongue   for   the   time   being.   might   being   the   operative   word.

[clwmarks]

yujin was the kind of man who was immortal, for as long as he wasn't shot dead. the vaguely threatening message hadn't left him shaking in his boots; it had only flared the dull frustration that simmered in his stomach at every thought of the local killer now. the fucking audacity of it.

"you know what," yujin hummed. he leaned over the bar, tried to get a better look at the message. "i bet it's tea. the weird stains. did you ever do that in school? dip paper in tea to make it look older, yada yada." he had once again abandoned his job of bartending in favour of literally anything else, he still held an empty glass in his hand, a cloth was draped over his shoulder.

[benconbenny]

benny: I see. So if it’s all in one singular text then it’s fine? Because that’s all you had to say my sweet Yu. Stupidity is nothing to be ashamed of. 😘 just ask Wilder

[clwmarks]

yujin: no this feels wrong too yujin: make it three texts at most, that's a good middle ground yujin: i try not to talk to wilder