she had noticed his posture, and maybe she was being a little bit rude right now, and having his bend down to her level. to simply address his cut, but it had been a long time. where he didn't always seem like he was waiting for something, or prepared to react if something went wrong. There was no reason for him to feel on edge in the moment, he was at her apartment. safe.
"you never voiced that out." he never told her his concerns, or his fears. why did he keep that all to himself? she had told him about her past, what she was afraid of. He was afraid to lose her. That much he made clear. His voice was raw, like even revealing this information to her was costing everything in him. yet, he was talking anyway, as if he'd lose the very breath he was breathing just to release the words. it would've been you. it was always you. he had known her well enough. her heart was big, and would have found a way for them to make it work. he knew that. her expression had shown surprise for a brief moment, because he was right. she would have been right there by his side. but also, because he didn't want to have put up with it. there was a moment of deep thought. like she was trying to figure out her own emotions at this moment. "you didn't want me to go through that, so you chose to carry it alone?"
I liked that I could pretend to be someone normal. that is what she wanted, a normal relationship . couples doing normal things, having fun, sharing life. "so normal it got this far." to the point of something more, of being something more. parents. she found herself reflecting on what he was saying. there wasn't ever going to be a normal now right? he....works for the mafia. That was a different world entirely. That didn't leave space for them. was it ever going to work? "and now it's not." she stated keeping her eyes on him, the reality settling in, the weight of it all, the veil now being lifted. "Nothing is normal anymore." she paused, she wanted stability, but where they were standing, she wasn't sure that would ever be the case. "now it's a risk."
to say that she's ever seen Yujin like this, she hadn't. not in the way he was staring at her as he let the walls of vulnerability crumble down. He was always so careful, composed, if he wanted to show any kind of emotion, it would only be because he had allowed it. She liked to believe she pulled that out of him naturally. yet, here she was holding his face in her hands, and he was--doing his best not to fall apart. She brushed the strand of hair that fell on his face to the side. There was a braveness that seemed to ignite inside her--or fierceness. Since she became a mom, subtle hints of her sweet personality also gained a protective nature. Not just for her daughter. His hand reached up again, like he was afraid to make contact with her, like he didn't know if he should. was this what she had waited for? the vulnerability in him, to reveal the truth. about his own feelings.
she tilted her head, she hadn't let him go, but kept him in place. Arisa’s attention lingered on Yujin longer than she probably intended. Her eyes meeting his for a brief moment before drifting downward toward his lips as he spoke, only to return back to his eyes again. A quiet rhythm. Subtle enough that most people would not notice it unless they were paying close attention. The kind of gaze that unconsciously traced a triangle between his eyes and mouth before repeating the motion all over again.
she told herself. "You didn't know what you wanted it to be like." she repeated, like she was testing the words herself. he didn't have an answer. and so then she finally let go, letting her hands drop down, as she attempted to step back. "but you knew what I wanted it to be like. To maybe know if what you felt for me was real. If any of it was real. Us." all their shared moments. Happily being together. He knew her better than anyone. She felt lied to, and maybe she would get another lie after this. maybe that would be her closure. "Did you love me? even a little?" she whispered, as she wrapped her arms around herself.