this month july marks the passing my favourite boy bosco, i can't really get myself before to accept the fact that he is gone. i always said to myself he's just in vacation somewhere else. these days have been harder and harder to think like that. the longer it's been the more sad i get, he's never coming back. yeah sure the right thing to do is accept his death and move on, maybe get a new pet, get a cat perhaps, switch it up. no one will ever be bosco, he will always be bosco, my bosco. my honey 蜜糖 bao bao. bunzo man, the goodest sweetest boy. so many things at home remind me of you everyday. we still come home and greet you even though you're not here anymore. i wish i could snuggle with you for one more nap, one more roll over and play dead for some nice boiled chicken breast. one more time to play with you, bug you one more fucking time until you get pissed off at me, but still let me love you. i miss you so so so so much, uncle will always love you.
with what's going on with my health right now, getting depressed is so fucking easy, breaking down just thinking of you, looking at old photos. i wish we took my photos. everything kind of sucks right now, yeah there's good in my life too. i'm happy i have my family supporting me right now, i want to show me appreciation when i get better. i hope everyone that i'm dodging now will understand, i do know they understand but i can't do anything right now. everyday i think about when i will get better, when i can go back to work. i have too much stress, how can i not think about anything? i can't just let everything go. i care about things maybe i shouldn't care about, but i still do. i worry too much.
she sees it too, she asks me why i look scared or frightened sometimes. maybe i am scared, i feel like i don't wanna fuck anything up. everything is going well, except for me.
i know that will change, time will change everything
it will always heal with time, but how long?
that's up to me, i need a stronger mind set, it's not the end of the world, but these times have probably been the roughest time of my life.
these past five months have been fucking dreadful, i wish this upon no one. never.
there is good in my life too right now,
family, friends, my bear.
thank you guys for making life bearable
i'll do my best in return the favour in the future
i need to somehow find interest in things again, video games don't do justice, youtube is fucking boring, can't even pay attention to a fucking 25 min anime. fucking brain rotting. i need to start listening to music again, everything feels much better after. i need to get myself to get up in the morning. do something, anything but to destroy my skin farther from healing.
the only good side is i lost thirty five fucking pounds, unfucking believable. keep it going cody
it's been a long ass time since i've had alcohol and some nice fried chicken. i can live without it though, it's going fine.
no cheating, no cheat meals, no good food that makes you feel bad afterwards. keep it going, you can be stronger
tell yourself, remind yourself be happy, be the person you dream to be.
love yourself, love everyone.
vaporwave
kianamaiart
ellievsbear